Therapist Uncensored Podcast

By Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP & Ann Kelley PhD

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Subscribers: 740
Reviews: 4


 Mar 23, 2021

lucy
 Nov 5, 2020

alex herrera
 Sep 17, 2019
Not all info is accurate. She tells a friend "...you didn't REPLACE him...", after hearing how she had deliberately gone* out and bought another dog the SAME day her dog died, even AFTER the mournful lady told her about her pre-purchase thinking, "I'm going out and purchasing OXYTOCIN!". "Replacing" her dead is EXACTLY what the lady did! Honest woman there, but, dishonest, unreliable & therefore untrustworthy info. I'll listen more and maybe change my opinion. * dog-gone!

A Podcast Republic user
 Aug 18, 2018

Description

Learn to use the sciences of the mind to help you understand what makes you emotionally tick. Two Austin therapists and their world-recognized guest experts break down the research in modern attachment, relational neuroscience and trauma in a challenging but entertaining format to keep you off autopilot and moving towards closer connections. www.therapistuncensored.com

Episode Date
TU151: Secure Parenting While Under Stress with Dan Siegel & Tina Payne-Bryson REPLAY
1:17:34
Learn the cheat code to parenting in a pandemic with Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Bryson as they break down the science behind attachment and showing up. This is literally from the father of interpersonal neurobiology and his colleague as they apply the actual science to managing massive uncertainty and unprecedented stress.
Aug 04, 2021
TU 150: Ann & Sue’s 150th Episode – Recaps & Recommendations for Growing Security
43:13
Sue Marriott LCSW CGP and Ann Kelley PhD conclude their fifth season of this podcast. Therapist Uncensored is packed with incredible content and has an archive of episodes developed over the past 5 years with the theme growing security. The expert guest list is an embarrassment of riches. This episode reviews some of the highlights and points you in the right direction based on your interest. Shownotes at therapistuncensored.com/tu150.
Jul 22, 2021
TU 149: Modern Attachment Regulation Spectrum – An Integrated Model of Change
44:48
The Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum - a model developed to describe attachment and neuroscience discussed by Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley. They summarize the 5 seasons so far and give a review of what they've learned. If you have ever wanted to understand attachment or keep up to date with the science, this podcast is packed with resources for you to learn and grown. See more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes
Jul 08, 2021
TU 148: Emotionally Focused Therapy & Attachment with Camille Scent
57:31
Today's episode dives into a specific form of healing relationships, Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT). Co-host Sue Marriott talks with therapist Camille Scent about Sue Johnson's widely-respected treatment model. EFT is based in attachment science is a powerful tool in transforming even very difficult relationships.
Jun 25, 2021
TU 147: Body-Focused Therapy with Dr. Robert Coffman
1:13:01
Bioenergetic therapist Dr. Robert Coffman joins co-host Dr. Ann Kelley for a conversation on body-focused therapy. Learn the about the interplay of your nervous system and how that relates to attachment and trauma.
Jun 01, 2021
TU 146: Behind the Scenes in Therapy with Lori Gottlieb
26:12
Lori Gottlieb & Sue Marriott share surprising insights about what therapy delivers and her NYT best-seller "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone." Surprisingly, people go to therapy to unlearn themselves.
May 17, 2021
TU145: Class, Race, Culture and Attachment, Re-examined
43:34
Attachment science is one of the most empirically validated theories of human development and is considered by many to be biologically driven and universal. But how can psychological science developed by educated European scholars in the 50's not unintentionally have some implicit bias? Join us in re-examining our assumptions about healthy child development, maternal sensitivity and attachment "insecurity." It's an overdue awkward and highly imperfect conversation but exactly what we should be talking about today.
Apr 27, 2021
TU144: The Case of Feli, an Awkward Goose
14:26
A poignant short story about isolation to connection. There is hope for us all - no matter your attachment history, there is hope for change with relationships. In this episode, Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP shares a specific case about an awkward goose named Felicity as another way of looking at change in attachment. Dan Stern's paper linked and recommended. Find more at www.therapistuncensored.com
Apr 12, 2021
TU143: Fear of Abandonment and Narcissism, with Dr. Ramani Durvasula
48:30
Dr. Ramani Durvasula joins us to deepen our series on challenging personalities and to discuss the underpinnings of narcissism as it relates to attachment. Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Dr. Durvasula discuss how to identify and navigate these tough relationships. See more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes
Mar 30, 2021
TU142: Trauma-Informed Therapy with Children, with Robyn Gobbel, MSW, RPT-S
53:15
Learn more about the science of trauma and what heals. For parents and for therapists treating children and adults - Robyn Gobbel has resources to support you in addressing dysregulation and in applying the neuroscience of attachment.
Mar 10, 2021
TU141: How We Become the Person’s We Are with Dr. Alan Sroufe, Attachment Through the Lifespan
1:01:14
Leading attachment researcher Dr. Alan Sroufe shares personal reflections of his lifetime of studying attachment from infancy to adulthood. Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discusses his new book, A Compelling Idea, How We Become the Person's We Are (2020) and the take away's from the 40-year and ongoing Minnesota study.
Feb 15, 2021
TU140 – Couples Therapy Through the Eyes of Experts: Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson
53:40
Every couple has its ups and downs, but it's easy to think that our relationship is uniquely challenging. Experts in couples therapy and a couple themselves, Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson join co-host Sue Marriott to discuss what most people get wrong about working with couples, and how to help get it right. Together, they'll dive into the dos and don'ts of couples therapy, from the perspective of the therapist and the patient. 
Feb 01, 2021
TU139: Boys and Sex, Modern Young Men and Sexuality with Peggy Orenstein
58:29
Dive into hook up culture, locker room talk, and the modern shifts in youth sexual behavior and health. Peggy Orenstein unpacks her new book “Boys and Sex” with co-host Ann Kelley. In this peak behind the curtain of the experience of young male sexuality, we’ll see how boys struggle with the conflicting needs of the conquest narrative of sex and their own internal understanding of pleasure. Her book was written about both cis and trans men, and covers the whole spectrum of sexual orientations, backgrounds, and experiences.
Dec 13, 2020
TU138: What if it’s You that’s the Difficult One? Holding Your Own Challenging Personality Traits (6 of 6)
1:04:08
So we've been studying how to hold our own with challenging people, but what if you become aware that that difficult person is you? Cringe. Yea, us too, we get it. We summarize and review the series and focus on how to change your life for the better. Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley take you along on some personal examples of being difficult themselves.
Dec 10, 2020
TU137: Holding Your Own S5, Malignant Narcissism (5th in a series)
38:42
Accusations are their confessions. In this episode learn why we elect, promote, excuse and love those with malignant narcissist tendencies. Sort out the other forms of self-involvement, psychopathology and anti-social traits from this dangerous personality structure. Sue & Ann finish out their series on Holding Your Own with Challenging Personality Traits - this is session 5 of 6. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com
Nov 30, 2020
TU136: Holding Your Own S4 -“Borderline” Traits (4th in a series)
43:28
When does sensitivity cross the line into clinical reactivity? Borderline traits, or those with highly reactive personalities, are another common challenge in relationship that we might need support to navigate well. Today's episode sees co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott unpack high reactivity through a caring and developmental approach. Together, they discuss how these dynamics and traits arise, what they look like, and what we can do when we find ourselves in relationships with them. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes
Nov 18, 2020
TU135: Holding Your Own Session 3 – Covert Narcissism (3rd in a Series)
34:56
When does self-consciousness and self-reflection cross the line into self-preoccupation? Covert narcissism is also called thin-skinned, vulnerale, depressed or closet narcissism. It's a real thing but unlike grandiosity, it's quite hard to spot!  Think about it - if you feel when you walk in a room everyone is looking at you - admiringly or judgmentally, either way - that is a narcissistic fantasy. Today's episode follows the other side of grandiosity. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes
Nov 10, 2020
TU134: Holding Your Own Session 2, Grandiose Narcissism has Met it’s Match (2nd in a series)
50:16
Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities - staying secure in relationship with those high in narcissistic, borderline or anti-social traits. Session 2 - Staying secure in connection with one kind of narcissism:  grandiose narcissism Co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott have launched a new series titled “Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities.” Together, they’ll unpack how to navigate strained relationships during and after this pandemic. The goal of this series is to bring you the skills and practices that you can use right now to get to secure relating and if not that, helping you ground and stay in your secure self no matter what is swirling around you. If you want to start at the beginning, listen to the first in the series:  TU132 HYO Session 1:  Messy But Secure Relating Grandiose Narcissism Today's episode breaks down one of 3 types of narcissism, and later in the series they will address the other kinds. There’s always a judgement, even if the verdict is positive, there is an evaluation happening.  Difference between self-aggrandizing moment and more problematic self-oriented relating - one is environmentally influenced, the other is just the way it is, always. You value people for what they can do for you, it's a transaction noi a real relationship. Trouble with: Apologies Gratitude Greek version of the myth: Narcissus, was the son of River God Cephisus and nymph Lyriope. He was known for his beauty and he was loved by God Apollo due to his extraordinary physique. Narcissus was once walking by a lake or river and decided to drink some water; he saw his reflection in the water and was surprised by the beauty he saw; he became entranced by the reflection of himself. He could not obtain the object of his desire though, and he died at the banks of the river or lake from his sorrow. According to the myth Narcissus is still admiring himself in the Underworld, looking at the waters of the Styx. Narcissistic Extension This is when we have learned to support the other person’s ego by giving them what we know that they want. As kids we get highly skilled at reading a scene, knowing the unspoken and responding as wished. This is part of what causes the injury to the self, because in the midst of all that, where the heck are You? If a child turns to their own needs and that parent feels that as a Break and is activated by it, it’s suddenly unsafe to tune in to their disapproval or distance. So we’d rather give ourselves up than lose our connection. Defenses in Grandiose Narcissism Idealization and devaluation - to be close you tend to be in one of these spots, and they can flip really fast.  It's an outward expression of assumptions they may be making about themselves and their own value. Shame core but not conscious. Narcissistic supply - people are used to fill you up but then are expendable. They may report high self-esteem and low neuroticism because they don't carry a lot of conscious internal conflict. The conflict - if any - is interpersonal which is WHY IT'S IMPORTANT TO HOLD ON TO YOUR SECURE SELF. Holding on to Secure Self Take a deep breath, and whatever you do... Don't project relationality into someone non-relational, it's bad for both. See them as they actually are, and that can be painful.  It's courageous though, and the beginning of taking your evaluation of what you are getting from this person and what you need. Don't put up with demeaning, devaluing or abusing you. Standing up to them can be dangerous in various ways, but for now we will focus on relational / emotional danger.  There is a feeling of threat to differentiate, and you might get cut off, but having a Self is the only way to move it into a more secure relational dynamic.  Otherwise they have no incentive to change because internally they see themselves doing pretty dang good.  Disabuse them of this delusion. Hold you, also hold them, and stay strong.
Nov 02, 2020
TU133: Holding Your Own 1: Messy but Secure Relating
33:10
First in a series Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities - this episode unpacks the 5 types of conflict in couples, conditions to develop security and cornerstones of what makes secure functioning couples secure. This sets up our later episodes on the various types of narcissism, misunderstood borderline relating, antisocial and malignant narcissism, unconscious defenses for everyone involved, suspected causes of high reactivity or impaired empathy, and a focus all along on what you can do to improve your circumstances - whatever that means for you.
Oct 26, 2020
TU132: Crisis Exhaustion – Hang in There, it’s Going to Be OK (Eventually) If We Stick Together
30:05
Together we can protect our hearts from freezing in bitterness, drowning in sorrow, lashing out in justified rage or worse, disconnecting.  Fight the exhaustion that comes with the relentless crises surrounding us now. 
Oct 08, 2020
TU131 – Strange Situation: Surprising Attachment Science Uncovered, with Bethany Saltman
1:00:28
People are profoundly bad at predicting their own attachment status, and if you are trying to do that you are headed in the right direction.  :)  That sort of mindful inquiry is part of attachment security - learn more in today's episode. Bethany Saltman and Sue Marriott discuss the Strange Situation, the original attachment research by Mary Ainsworth. They bring to life what it means and how to see it in everyday life.
Sep 22, 2020
TU130 – The Deep Biology of Love – Oxytocin Unpacked, with Research Pioneer Dr. Sue Carter
1:11:41
Love is not a soft feeling, it is "deep biology."  Oxytocin research pioneer Dr. Sue Carter joins co-host Sue Marriott to unravel the mystery of Sue's favorite neuropeptide.  You may have heard of oxytocin in the popular press, it's often called that "love drug." You'll hear that t's story is a bit more complicated than just that, as it also helps us protect and defend from intruders, and heals our body physically. www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes.
Sep 08, 2020
TU129 – Transformative Psychedelic Experiences With and Without Drugs, with Special Guest, Trey Ratcliff
50:01
What if you could get the benefits of therapeutic psychedelics without ingesting any drugs?!  Trey Ratcliff's new art creations, Machine Elves, may just have such an answer with non-drug, mind-expanding experiences that can help us heal. In this concluding episode of Season 4, co-host Sue Marriott is joined by photographer, artist and consciousnesses-raiser Trey Ratcliff.  They dive right into the exotic world of mind-enhancing experiences.  This includes both psychedelics but also non-drug experiences that can bring the promising results that are emerging from carefully studied psychedelic research.
Aug 25, 2020
TU128 – Helping the Intense Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach
56:06
Children with high emotional intensity or behavioral struggles can overwhelm any parent or system. In this episode, we’ll go over where many parents go wrong, what we can do instead, and how shifts in our strategies can revolutionize our households.   
Aug 12, 2020
TU127 Grandma Heals: Community-Based Mental Health Care from Zimbabwe with Dr. Ruth Verhey
58:47
The Friendship Bench -discover the 3-step community-based program that is has proven to be an effective non-traditional model of mental health care delivery. In this episode, researcher and program director Dr. Ruth Verhey joins co-host Sue Marriott to discuss this community-based intervention, the Friendship Bench.  Together they explore the benefits and barriers to building a community-driven and cooperative approach to mental health.  By looking at what makes it effective, we can begin to explore what makes therapy effective in general and learn from the need to strip away the "extra" that may not add value to mental healthcare.
Aug 04, 2020
TU126 – What Do We Mean by Modern Attachment? Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley Discuss
50:42
Pausing the riches of the guest interviews, Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley are back to discuss what has changed in the attachment field.  They share what makes it modern anyway, review the science, and discuss their Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum (MARS).  They also cover best practices for getting through online therapy. Learn more at Therapist Uncensored www.therapistuncensored.com and get full shownotes here.
Jul 23, 2020
TU125 – Dan Siegel & Tina Payne-Bryson: Parenting Under Stress
1:23:02
We’re all struggling with some uncertainty and fear right now, and as a parent it can often be especially hard to know how to raise a child during the rise of Coronavirus. Learn the cheat code to parenting in a pandemic with Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Bryson as they join co-host Sue Marriott to unpack their new book The Power of Showing Up. In this episode they break down the science behind attachment in parenting, and share what it means to show up. Applicable not just with children but in all relationships, their four pillars of attachment can change the way we relate to ourselves, and each other, for the better.
Jul 10, 2020
TU124 – Hip Hop as Therapy: Beat Making, Lyrics & Community Empowerment
1:07:23
Hip hop can be used as creative tool to resolve the deep need for self-expression and trauma in black and brown communities. Song writers in hip hop culture are some of the greatest writers of our generation, they can use in depth metaphor, satire, and word play to express widely shared feelings. This process literally gives a voice to experiences that are otherwise unexplainable and can be used to build community. Guests Dr. Eliot Gann and Dr. Raphael Travis show us the way -
Jun 30, 2020
TU123 – Narratives of Fear: George Floyd, Protest, and Community Empowerment with Dr. Raphael Travis
50:10
George Floyd. Breanna Taylor. Tony McDade. Sandra Bland. Rayshard Brooks. Tamir Rice. Emmett Till. The violence enacted by the criminal justice system isn’t new, so what makes this moment feel so different? Dr. Raphael Travis joins co-host Ann Kelley to break down the now global protests against the murder of George Floyd. Together they explore the role of youth empowerment, coronavirus, and narrative storytelling in helping fuel the biggest social movement in decades.
Jun 22, 2020
TU122: Loving & Living with Adult Attention Deficit Disorder (or ADHD) with Ari Tuckman
57:21
When we think of ADHD, we often imagine a restless & figity child who loses focus rather than the grown up parent or partner these kids eventually become. It is a legit neurological condition - yet adults with ADHD or ADD often believe that they are forgetful, lazy, selfish & disorganized. Unfortunately sometimes so do their partners. This episode will help you apprecitate your unique gifts or value your distractable partner.
May 19, 2020
TU121: Redefining the Purpose of Relationships During Quarantine with Stan Tatkin
52:33
With the tsunami of unclear and contradictory yet potentially life-threatening information coming at us right now - it's no wonder there is so much conflict within groups that are/were quarantining together. Reasonable people can interpret the suggestions very differently, in this episode we go into how to navigate how to manage right now.
May 08, 2020
TU120: Finding Security and Healing Attachment with Dr. David Elliott
47:27
Is this pandemic making your nervous system crunchy?   Learn about healing attachment and how to use one of the Elliott and Brown's 3 pillars of healing attachment to cope during this society-wide emotional hotbox. Using the first pillar of the three pillars of healing attachment, using the imaginings of your mind to leverage security, David explains how this practice can be beneficial during a time where we're looking for connection to regulate and heal.
Apr 27, 2020
TU119: For the Love of Men, Rethinking Masculinity with Liz Plank
49:32
It isn't a war between the genders, it's a war between those interested in freedom of individual expression and equality, and those wedded to and defending the patriarchal script.
Apr 08, 2020
TU118: Mental Health Support During this Damn Coronavirus Pandemic
40:59
Calm is contagious, too! Coping through Coronavirus. Our hearts hurt for those affected by COVID. Those who are ill, survivors of those taken by the virus, service employee's continuing to work, front-line medical and science warriors, those who lost their job or savings, those who are isolated alone and those stuck at home in harsh relationships or with kids out of school and needy... it's all relative. It doesn't help to compare pain - pain is pain - we all need support through this coronavirus pandemic. Period. So let's clasp hands and co-regulate one another through this as best we can. In this episode, Sue and Ann discuss how we are collectively processing the coronavirus pandemic and provide some tools on how we can regulate our emotions during these coronavirus times. We are having experiences that are creating emotions that we do not normally have from a day-to-day basis and will have to understand how to process. Get the Facts but don't Rubber-Neck (southern term I think, slowing down and looking hard at a wreck on the freeway even though you don't really want to see). Use social media purposefully, don't get hooked watching the stats there is nothing to see there that will help us cope. It's being covered each time as new news, so our nervous system stays in alert. Limit social media and create your bubble of safety. Use sources you trust and don't act from rumors. Name your feelings - identify the specific source rather than live in ocean of free-floating anxiety. Better to be afraid for your mom or your 401 K than feel the weight of anxiety globally. Connect socially as part of your ADL's - activities of daily living. Breathing Techniques - Breathing in for a count of 5 and exhaling for a count of 5. Imagery - Imagining a sense of calm and safety in your environment and community. Use your mind to soothe and comfort yourself - this is neuroscience and it actually works! Add a safe person, place or animal that comforts you. Perspective matters - this will end. Interconnectedness - We are all experiencing this collectively. You are not alone. The virus does not discriminate it's a great equalizer even though we aren't equally effected (it hits marginalized communities hardest). Know what you can and cannot control - We cannot predict what will happen. We can control what we focus on, what information and how much information we are consuming. Our global actions can have a global impact. Affordable online therapy International, multi-lingual, accessible. Get help no matter who or where you are! (Helpful during this coronavirus!)  World Health Organization RAIN by Tara Brock Recognize what is happening; Allow the experience to be there, just as it is; Investigate with interest and care; Nurture with self-compassion. APPLE Acknowledge the thought that comes to mind. Pause your reaction and breathe. Pull back and understand that thoughts are not always your own. Let go of the thought or feeling. Explore the present moment. Stop. Touch. Go. Resources and Links to recent articles: Trusted resources TU64: Mindfulness Meditation with Yoga Therapist Kelly Inselman TU63: Living with Cancer – The Six Principles of Emotional Healing with Guest Kelly Inselmann TU52: Using Mindfulness, Movement and Yoga to Manage Arousal, with Guest Kelly Inselmann Our course on Attachment and Neuroscience has been recently released and is now available! And, since you are deep into these show notes then you are one of us, so get 10% off by putting in code OURCLAN. 🙂 While this course is utilized heavily by clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. It is a full 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION ______ Want to help us keep going? We are on Patreon! You can become a Neuronerd supporter and help the show continue ...
Mar 30, 2020
TU117: Resilience Trauma and the Brain W/ Guest Bruce Perry MD, PhD
57:04
In this episode, co-host Sue Marriott speaks with Dr. Bruce Perry, a renowned neuroscientist, psychiatrist, clinician and researcher on children's mental health. They discuss staging intervention based on brain develop in a technique called the Neurosequential Model, resilience and trauma.
Mar 13, 2020
TU116: Fight Flight Freeze … and “Fawn”?? Can People-Pleasing Be a Sign of Trauma?
29:26
Freeze Appease Dissociate... Appease is Fawning when it comes to C-PTSD Are you a huge people-pleaser, conflict avoider, peace-keeper? Maybe you are just being nice, but if you are compelled to do it, driven to not take up much space, to not impose... and you don't have much of a choice about it, there may be something deeper going on. If so, today's episode talks to you, friend. If you haven’t joined us in the 30-Day Challenge, you can start at any time by CLICKING HERE! No sales, no gimmicks, just 4 supportive email over a month to support you in changing an emotional health habit that no longer works for you. Shout out to all those on the 30-day Challenge! You've been getting a series of emails.... this show discusses a topic that will help MANY of you with your personal emotional growth challenge. Fawning This is actually an old term coined by Peter Walker in 2003 discussing Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs and demands of others. They act as if they unconsciously believe that the price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences and boundaries. - Peter Walker on his website. You may be familiar with fight flight and freeze - the 3 common threat responses that our autonomic nervous system unconsciously engages when it perceives danger. If not, there is a TON of information about this in many previous episodes of Therapist Uncensored. We are interested because it affects how we relate to others and makes us act really stupid at times. :) Well, it's smart from an old survival perspective but can be really bone-headed in our adult lives when the reaction is triggered and yet the threat doesn't warrant such survival response. Well, when we can't escape the trauma and thus fighting or fleeing isn't an option, our bodies will freeze, appease or dissociate. The appease portion of the response is what Walker refers to as "Fawn." It is another survival response which is often associated with complex post-traumatic stress disorder. It occurs when survivors recognize danger signals and stay safe by complying and minimizing confrontation. Freeze, Appease or Dissociate - Fawning refers to Appease. People-pleasing Being unable to say how you really think or feel Caring for others to your own detriment Always saying “yes” to requests Flattering others Struggling with low self-esteem Avoiding conflict Feeling taken advantage of Being very concerned about fitting in with others Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder C-PTSD Who doesn’t love special offers? Discounted course – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala! Advanced Course Connecting the Science(s) of the Mind to Interpersonal Relationships Our advanced course on attachment and relational neuroscience has been recently released and is now available (wahoo)! Since you are now deep into these shownotes, then you are one of us, use the code OURCLAN for an immediate discount for the course. While this course is popular with clinicians (CE’s available!), it is also for all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationship!. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION Dive in and get more involved – join us on Patreon! Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up. BOOK of the MONTH  Maybe You Should Talk to Someone– A Therapist, HER Therapist and a Life Revealed, by Lori Gottlieb. If you are looking for something to inspire you – make you laugh – tear up a bit and generally move towards being a better human this is the book we are recommending this mo...
Feb 27, 2020
TU115: Improving Your Emotional Health – the Challenge & the Update with Ann Kelley PhD and Sue Marriott LCSW CGP
28:05
30-Day Emotional Health Challenge Update In this episode of Therapist Uncensored, co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss their progress in their 30-Day Emotional Health Challenge. If you haven’t joined us in the 30-Day Challenge, you can start today by CLICKING HERE! No sales no gimmicks, just support for you to change! Positive, Humbling, and Frickin’ Hard Ann discuses the positive activation around sharing and discussing the 30-Day Emotional Health Challenge. Sue shares about the Challenge of the Emotional Health Challenge  A bit ambitious because it is a deeply held unconscious learning Working on Changing Adaptations From Early Childhood The consensus in the Facebook group and among our Patrons is that we're picking something that was an adaptation from our early life. It was important that we learn to do it, but it's not necessarily helping us now. The problem is it was laid down in our bodies so early and really without conscious thought, so even just thinking about it doesn't necessarily change it. Instead, we adapt to it, repress it, etc. This leads to a cycle of recognizing something, acknowledging that it isn’t working, and then repeating the behavior, which is induces shame. Relief and Frustration These behaviors are implicit (unconscious) not explicit (conscious), which makes them really hard to change. The Process:  Community connection  Trying to teach ourselves to do something new  Picking one thing, not everything, with love, compassion, and curiosity  Examine the symptom or behavior that is no longer serving us  Just learning about it and becoming more aware Not trying to repress or change it Try something new and continue to learn  Are we resistant to changing? Reluctant to give up the old behavior? Etc Adjusting the Emotional Health Goal Sue discusses the zig-zag process of scaling her goal up and down based on her exploration process and how her thoughts about it changed after attending a conference with Bruce Eckert on Memory Reconsolidation.  Two Particularly Helpful Takeaways From the Conference We can’t know our unconscious Sue tests out whether or not The Memory Reconsolidation Technique is something we can do alone Because the behavior is implicit, it comes from the unconscious, so there is no way to see it by ourselves. But we can still move it by being curious about our responses and what comes up in the feelings of threat. Seeing the effects of the implicit coming out in our explicit reactions and working to get more comfortable with it invites it in more. State Dependent Learning When we're in a regulated state, we have access to all this great knowledge and learned information. As we get into a dysregulated state, the neural network shifts and it becomes a different learning. We really actually kind of lose contact for a moment with that more reflective stance. Especially if we come from a neglect or a trauma background or had tough things in life or had adversity. We have these learnings that are on their own neural network. Neural Networks and Changing Symptomatic Behavior There are 2 different neural circuits, and the only way to change the symptomatic behavior is to access the other neural circuit. This has to do with activation, so we have to actually feel the feelings to improve emotional health. How Do We know What’s Changing? It starts with the behavior starts with the symptom. In recognizing the symptom that you want to shift, you've gone much more internal and you've named one part of it. In exploring it, we are un-layering it, and we’re smack dab on our which is to to go deeper and shift to more of a sense of security inside of you. Who doesn’t love special offers? Discounted course – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala! Advanced Course Connecting the Science(s) of the Mind to Interpersonal Relationships Our advanced course on attachment and relational neuroscience...
Feb 19, 2020
TU114: Take the 30 Day Emotional Health Challenge!
38:44
Sue & Ann laughing at themselves, probably at our bumbling efforts on our 30-day emotional health challenge! Enough theory – it’s time to choose JUST ONE emotional health goal to work on for the next 30 days. Let go of what no longer serves you. Join us for our 30-day emotional health challenge! In this episode, Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW CGP are walking the walk. They personally challenge you to pick one thing to work on for the next 30 days – something challenging but within reach. Show Notes - 30 day emotional health challenge Backstory It’s February – this is not a new years resolution because they typically don’t work past about now. You hear about weight loss goals and fitness goals, but the most life-changing skills for long-term happiness and health is actually having close relationships. No matter how secure you are, how much therapy you have had, what letters are behind your name or how old you are, there is always something we can do to improve our sense of ourself and our close relationships. You pick! We give lots of ideas but the upshot is you know your own bad emotional habits. Self -Inventory With love and compassion first – reflect on what you know you need to work on Pick something that if you could change, it would have real meaning to you Pick something that is clear enough to be measurable – if others can see it that’s even better Tell someone what you are doing – gain accountability When you fail, this is a true challenge, remember? When you fail learn a bit more about what happened, where the bad habit or self talk is coming from, what triggers the behavior and ideas for intervention Earned Security and Internal Working Maps – Reviewed What is emotional health? Ann & Sue’s personal challenges Ann shares her personal 30 day challenge goal and how it developed – implicit emotional learning Sue shares her 30 day emotional challenge goal and what her implicit emotional learning she’s trying to unlearn and replace with something more adaptive for today How to identify your old IWM (adaptations to your early environment that are usually based on things that are no longer true) and replace them with new, more accurate IWM Earning Security – a cool club to be a part of 🙂  Examples of what you might try based on where you fall on the Attachment-Regulation Spectrum Resources for this Episode – Recommended Books Self Compassion Workbook A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength and Thrive by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer Mindful Path to Self-Compassion  by Christopher Germer Neuroscience of Human Relationships by Lou Cozolino Who doesn’t love special offers? Discounted course – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala! Advanced Course Connecting the Science(s) of the Mind to Interpersonal Relationships Our advanced course on attachment and relational neuroscience has been recently released and is now available (wahoo)! Since you are now deep into these shownotes, then you are one of us, use the code OURCLAN for an immediate discount for the course. This course is popular with clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION Dive in and get more involved – join us on Patreon! Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up. BOOK of the MONTH  Maybe You Should Talk to Someone– A Therapist, HER Therapist and a Life Revealed, by Lori Gottlieb. If you are looking for something to inspire you – make you laugh – tear up a bit and generally move to...
Feb 04, 2020
TU113: Integrating Self-Defense, Neuroscience and Affirmative Consent to Build Empowerment and Heal Trauma
50:50
“Yes means yes is the new no means no!” Often we doubt our gut instinct, question our right to take up space in the world, and live governed by fear -especially when we’ve experienced trauma. Meet the Safety Team, a group of ordinary women doing extraordinary work teaching women how to build resiliency and re-claim their sense of agency. In this episode, Co-host Dr Ann Kelley joins this powerful group of women as they teach us how to find our voice, feel more present and powerful in our bodies, build resilience, and heal trauma. Who is The Safety Team? Christine DiBlasio, Ph.D., is the president and co-founder of The Safety Team, as well as a 4th degree black belt in Karate. For over 15 years, Dr. DiBlasio has coordinated and presented workshops on violence prevention, risk reduction, and self-advocacy skills to middle, high school and college students, as well as to community and corporate organizations. She has been instrumental in curriculum development, with a strong focus on serving survivors of interpersonal violence and trauma so as to promote healing. In addition, Dr. DiBlasio created a college and high school internship program and continues to provide leadership training to these interns as well as to an expanding group of volunteers. Dr. DiBlasio’s dedication to the Safety Team is an outgrowth of both her background in martial arts as well as her extensive experience as a practicing licensed psychologist with 30 years of clinical experience. Dr. DiBlasio is the clinical director of a large mental health outpatient practice, and in the context of this work, has provided psychotherapy services for survivors of interpersonal violence, trauma and sexual assault across the lifespan.   Darcy Richardson, MS, is a forensic toxicologist and Vice-President of The Safety Team, a 501(c)3 non-profit focused on the empowerment of women and the reduction of sexual violence. As a toxicologist she has provided expert testimony in over a thousand cases in both criminal and civil courts at the state and federal level. These cases have included assault and sexual assaults where her expertise is used to discuss the impact of alcohol and drugs on the ability to consent or to react effectively in dangerous situations. As part of The Safety Team she uses this expertise to teach women about Drug-Facilitated Sexual Assault (DFSA), and how to effectively navigate this risk. Research indicates that half of all sexual assault cases involve alcohol and/or other drugs, which means addressing DFSA in Empowerment Self-Defense (ESD) classes and curricula is an integral part of reducing the incidence of sexual violence overall. Darcy is a 2nd degree black belt in Karate and a 1st degree black belt in Arnis.   Christina Allard, PT, is the volunteer coordinator, and instructor for The Safety Team, Inc. and a licensed Physical Therapist specializing in pediatrics and school-based therapy. She pursued additional training in childhood trauma and its impacts on development. She incorporates her knowledge of neuromuscular and somatic responses to develop movement strategies for emotional regulation in children and teenagers. Her interest in the therapeutic effects of movement sparked her interest in martial arts (brown belt in Karate) and her ongoing commitment to the empowerment model of The Safety Team.   Nancy Keller, MEd, CAS, is the treasurer, co-founder, and lead instructor for The Safety Team, Inc. and a licensed public-school educator with Winooski (VT) School District for more than 30 years. With expertise in curriculum development and instruction, she has created middle school programs for place-based learning in science and mathematics, as well as implemented a school-wide classroom-based program for physical activity. This program was designed to address the movement needs of those children who have experienced trauma, and was built upon her background in the martial arts (3rd degree black belt in Karate ...
Jan 23, 2020
TU112: The Life-Changing Science of Memory Reconsolidation with Guests Bruce Ecker & Tori Olds
1:00:48
Tori Olds with Deep Eddy Psychotherapy Learn to apply the advances in neuroscience to our lives in a real way – we all want to be able to do that, right? This episode delivers on that for sure – memory reconsolidation is changing how therapists practice and explains why those lightbulb moments can actually transform us if done correctly. 🙂 In this episode, Powerhouse clinicians Tori Olds and Bruce Ecker join co-host Sue Marriott in a discussion on how memory reconsolidation brings awareness to old maps and traumatic emotional learning and gives us a clean slate on which to build new learning pathways. Saturday February 15, 2020: Introduction to Coherence Therapy, Austin, TX Who is Bruce Ecker? Bruce Ecker, MA, LMFT is co-originator of Coherence Therapy and coauthor of Unlocking the Emotional Brain: Eliminating Symptoms at Their Roots Using Memory Reconsolidation; the Coherence Therapy Practice Manual & Training Guide; and Depth Oriented Brief Therapy: How To Be Brief When You Were Trained To Be Deep and Vice Versa. Clarifying how transformational change takes place is the central theme of Bruce Ecker’s clinical career, and he has contributed many innovations in concepts and methods of experiential psychotherapy. Since 2006 he has driven the clinical field’s recognition of memory reconsolidation as the core process of transformational change and has developed the application of this brain research breakthrough to advancements in therapeutic effectiveness and psychotherapy integration. Bruce is a frequent presenter at conferences and workshops internationally, has taught extensively in clinical graduate programs, and is in private practice in New York City Who is Dr Tori Olds? Tori Olds, PhD is a psychologist in private practice in Austin, Texas. She is a co-owner of Deep Eddy Psychotherapy, a counseling center housing seventeen clinicians. She specializes in working with trauma, particularly attachment trauma, and utilizing mindfulness and self-compassion as a resource for personal growth. Alongside her clinical work, she has a passion for training therapists in experiential ways of working. She leads a number of study groups and is developing 10 online courses focused on helping clinicians develop experiential skills, as well as understand human development from an evolutionary, neurobiological, and attachment lens. Show Notes Meeting Tori Olds and Bruce Ecker Tori Olds: Clinician and leader of a training group on how to integrate experiential psychotherapies (AEDP, PACT, Somatic Experiencing) Bruce Ecker: Clinician and author of “Unlocking the Emotional Brain” Emotional Learning Emotional learning happens much as a Pavlovian response We often learn without awareness and become prisoners of emotional learning Emotional truths are a powerful mental model how of how the world works that we don’t often realize are there Low self-esteem works as a protective, adaptive tactic By bringing awareness to these learnings, we can de-pathologize them (therapists can help facilitate this) and begin the disconfirmation process Memory reconsolidation Memory reconsolidation: the brain’s built-in, natural way of using new learning to directly update and re-encode existing old learning This process targets emotional learning Memory reconsolidation can serve as a “unifying framework for the psychotherapy field, which has been so fragmented” Therapeutic Contexts of Memory Reconsolidation Coherence therapy, as well as many other different therapeutic models, can produce transformational change through memory reconsolidation Three stages: 1) Discovery 2) Integration 3) Juxtaposition Resources Primer on Memory Reconsolidation – PDF – READ THIS if you want more! Unlocking the Emotional Brain –– Bruce Ecker Coherence Therapy Practice Manual – Bruce Ecker Depth Oriented Brief Therapy – Bruce Ecker Memory Reconsolidation in Psychotherapy: The Neuropsychotherapist Special...
Jan 07, 2020
TU111: Navigating Narcissistic Relationships – Gaslighting Manipulation and Grandiosity Called Out
43:09
You deserve better!! Are you lost in a narcissistic relationship? The term narcissism is easily tossed around, especially in this world of selfies. However if you are deeply connected to someone with the personality disorder narcissism it is a very real, painful and a seriously disruptive experience. It is also surprisingly difficult to identify when you are immersed in it, and difficult to disengage the pattern of supporting their world-view.  We break it down here!
Dec 24, 2019
TU110: Story Follows State – Investigating Polyvagal Theory with Guest Deb Dana
56:42
When we have an anchor in ventral, we can then go visit sympathetic and dorsal without being hijacked by it. In this episode of Therapist Uncensored, Co-host Sue Marriott explores the intersection of Polyvagal Theory, neuroscience, and attachment with Deb Dana. We will investigate how the mind creates stories from information relayed by the nervous system, and how we can rewrite the script to move toward security. Meeting Deb Dana Deb Dana is a clinician and consultant who works with trauma She has a training program called the Rhythm of Regulation Goals of this: understand the nervous system and help people become active operators of their own system Story Follows State The mind narrates what the nervous system knows Therapeutic goal: bringing explicit awareness to implicit processes Neuroception: our nervous system has a response to what is going on in the world and looks to others for cues of safety and danger The brain tries to make sense of what is happening in the body on a physiological level by making up a story Many of us have nervous systems that are shaped by experiences to be wary of connection; this is something that we work on shifting in therapy The Nervous System and Attachment The nervous system services our survival and sets the stage for attachment We have two survival states: Sympathetic: mobilized, energetic state- we see red folks here! Dorsal vagal collapse: immobilized, disconnected state- we see blue folks here! The Hopefulness in Polyvagal Theory “Experience shapes the nervous system and ongoing experience reshapes the nervous system” When shame reduces, curiosity arises The Autonomic Ladder It can be helpful to identify where you currently stand on the ladder, as well as track where you are going on the ladder Ladder orientation from top down- ventral vagal (anchored state), sympathetic (activated state), dorsal (collapsed state) Take Home Tips Use your voice! Intonation before information. We send cues of safety or danger through our tone of voice. Each nervous system is different in how it comes back into repair, and it changes over time. In a ventral state, there is community. If you’re in trouble, go social! (i.e. send a text, make that phone call, reassure yourself) Who is Deb Dana? Deb Dana, LCSW is a clinician and consultant specializing in working with complex trauma and is Coordinator of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium in the Kinsey Institute. She developed the Rhythm of Regulation Clinical Training Series and lectures internationally on ways Polyvagal Theory informs work with trauma survivors.  Deb is the author of The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation and co-edited, with Stephen Porges, Clinical Applications of the Polyvagal Theory: The Emergence of Polyvagal-Informed Therapies.   Resources: Beginner’s Guide to Polyvagal Theory Using the Autonomic Ladder to Work with Perfectionism The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation Rhythm of Regulation Website Stephen Porges’s and Deb Dana’s Coauthored Book       Who doesn’t love special offers? Our advanced course on attachment and neuroscience has been recently released and is now available for a discounted price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION   We’re on Patreon!  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join our community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up.   Tweet
Dec 05, 2019
TU109: THIS is Resilience in Action With Guest Alphanso Appleton
34:46
Resilience in real-life from a non-Western perspective. (Cover photo, Appleton took responsibility for feeding kids in his village by diving and spearing food from the sea.) “And if there’s any other person that is going through mental health problems or a very hard time in their life, or they have been through something really bad… I just want them to know that they’re not alone.” Alphanso Appleton In This Episode of Therapist Uncensored on Trauma and Resilience, Alphanso Kwame Appleton, a Liberian native, shares his experiences of growing up in a country devastated by civil war, living through the Ebola epidemic, and tragically losing his young daughter. Despite these repeated experiences of trauma, he is healing and has found purpose in his life. This is an incredible story that absolutely captures what resilience looks like and we are pleased that his recovery did not rely on traditional Western approaches. We have so much to learn. Interview by Sue Marriott. Meeting Alphonso Meeting in Liberia through Strongheart and by happenstance, through the work of Dan Siegel. Mentoring youth Surfing Photography Life in Liberia The Liberian Civil War Escaping to Monrovia Child Soldiers Lack of education “Iron Lady” How the love and faith of Alphanso’s grandmother, whom he describes as an “Iron Lady”, protected him from rebel recruitment of child soldiers The Effects of Lack of Education Effects on Society Effect on healthcare industry – and him personally regarding the loss of his daughter The Ebola Epidemic The lack of belief and understanding that Ebola was real The spread of Ebola Alphanso’s photo that went viral thanking science for the Ebola vaccine “…maybe my photo will help young Liberians know science helps the world and become scientists too.” – Photographer Alphanso Appleton Personal Tragedy The loss of Alphanso’s 18 month old daughter, Lisa. Alphanso’s Healing Journey Faith Strongheart – learning a meditation practice Surfing The Universal Language of Photography Resilience through expression of emotion through photos “The Liberia Project” by Apartial featuring Alphanso Appleton “Portraits of Progress” by Alphanso Appleton Moving Forward Current and future endeavors Misconceptions about Africa Words of wisdom “Overall, it’s just finding something you love – something you love doing- something that brings you joy; something that makes you happy. Because that was a really key part of my transformation. That was a really key part of my healing.” Alphanso Appleton Other episodes you may enjoy: TU91: Curiosity – One of the Most Powerful Tools For Connection TU33: Adverse Childhood Experiences: A Roadmap To Understanding And Treatment Resources “Alphanso Appleton: A Story of Becoming” The Making of Child Surfers, Not Child Soldiers Article in Global Citizen – Surfers Paint Liberia Strongminds.org Alphanso’s contact information alphanso19@gmail.com   Who doesn’t love special offers? Our advanced course on attachment and neuroscience has been recently released and is now available for a discounted price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION We’re on Patreon!  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join our community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up.   Betterhelp Online Therapy These topics can be tough. If needed, we encourage you to get help if needed. Face-to-face local therapy is recommended where you can,
Nov 22, 2019
TU108: Judgment and Self-Criticism Unchecked – a Great Interpersonal Defense
21:03
Judgment says more about the judg-er than the judg-ee. It’s not Judgement – Bad. It’s Judgment-Interesting. Everybody judges and in truth, we unconsciously evaluate good/bad all the time – both positively and negatively. It’s our brains appraisal system. However unchecked it’s also a very handy interpersonal defense. Today we explore one aspect of insecure functioning, unchecked judgment and harsh self-criticism. It is just one common insecure pattern to think in absolutes and moral righteousness, and before you judge judgers, those of us who’s favorite flavor is self-criticism and self-judgement please be warned that harsh scale extends quickly to those close to us.  Fun times to grow and learn we tell ya!! In This Episode of Therapist Uncensored, Co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott break down the big picture of attachment and take a deep dive into just one of the habits of insecure attachment – how we use judgment! Turn on your curiosity and notice your judgments as we go – it’s kinda fun, actually. The Pleasure of Judgement Description of what self-righteous judgment looks like presented in an anecdotal but accurate way. Quick Review Every human being has a system to manage threat. Blue – you down-regulate Red – you up-regulate The Role of Judgment Method of self-protection Response to a feeling of threat 2 types: self-righteous or self-critical Self-Righteous Judgment It’s a great feeling. What’s really going on underneath? Disconnection from threat in our own body Slowing down to experience what we are judging Fortified defense Not pathological, it’s protective Example of Blue Judgment Fear of Vulnerability Judging to keep at a distance Example of Red Judgment Telling others what they are doing wrong Judging to prevent expressing fear of abandonment underneath Non-Judgment Inability to create a judgment can be an indication that we can’t have a sense of self and an essence of threat, and that clearly defining ourselves is too vulnerable. (red-side of insecure spectrum, usually) Judgment Can Be A Healthy Protection Not all judgment is bad Explore it. Righteousness to Relationality Exploring the movie about Harriet Tubman The moral high road Righteousness as the lazy man’s way Making the move Effecting change while staying in the relationship Self-Judgment Also the lazy man’s road Same old negative thoughts No movement and no new neural pathways being built Keeps us stuck Moving from self-loathing to connection Putting our feet to the fire It’s not that it’s pathological – it’s information. We think it’s information about the other person, but really it can be a window into something more interesting if we open up to exploring it.  Why do you judge THAT in particular? What parts of others make your skin crawl? Check if it’s disowned parts of yourself that you are attempting to distance from or stamp out in others. You see…. now it gets interesting and the door opens rather than slams close on the object of our scrutiny. Practice Noticing With Compassion Find your version of what it is that you’re judging. Have a little smile of humor when you catch yourself being judgmental Explore what’s underneath   Resources Healing Your Attachment Wounds by Diane Pool Heller Healing Developmental Trauma Lawrence Heller Self-Compassion, the Hidden Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff Also check out TU73: Building Grit Through Self-Compassion with Kristin Neff   Who doesn’t love special offers? Our course is now available for a deeply discounted early release price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are highly interested in deepening the security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. Price increases on October 22, 2019 when it is released to the wider public.
Nov 15, 2019
TU107: What is Somatic Experiencing With Guest Abi Blakeslee
1:00:26
Trauma is not a life sentence. We are rapidly learning what works to reverse the effects of stored injuries and today we will explore one treatment version of that, called Somatic Experiencing.  First a shout out to a listener who connected us to our guest today, Ali Capurro – thank you! And to everyone else please note that we love these kinds of connections are always open to hear from you on who you think would deepen this conversation of earning security. In This Episode of Therapist Uncensored, co-host Sue Marriott explores Somatic Experiencing with Dr Abi Blakeslee. This interactive deep-dive takes you into the Somatic Experiencing process and provides hope and confirmation that healing trauma is possible through integrated treatment of the brain, the body, and the mind! The Foundations of Somatic Experiencing (SE) Founded by Dr Peter Levine – author of best-selling books “Waking the Tiger- Healing Trauma”, and “In an Unspoken Voice” SE is based on the study of how animals in the wild process and recover from stress and trauma. Focuses on working directly with the nervous system to help people reorganize the non-conscious survival adaptations developed by the sub-cortical or lower brain Definition of Somatic Experiencing the experience of body in the present moment. What SE Looks Like in Practice Present-centered because the healing happens in the here-and-now. It’s a process of following what is is happening in the body and taking a pause from the trauma content to down-regulate the amygdala to a state of safety before moving forward. “The trauma’s not in the event. It’s in the nervous system.” The Nervous System Getting “Unstuck” – Healing Trauma Through Body Awareness Pendulation – Peter Levine defines that as the expansion of contraction of all things moving between expanded States and contracted States. Orienting Exercise The Biological Model of the Threat Response Cycle Wild Animals Versus Humans During Threat Cycle:  Orient – aware of something in environment Defensive Orienting – sense threat Moving Into Social Interaction – Moving Into Fight and Flight – these are active defense responses Increased sympathetic arousal, burst of movements, Moving Into Freeze – passive defense response Heart rate goes into a slow state like for hibernation. Digestion slows down, hello heart rate variability circulation. There’s nothing pumping to the arms and the legs, so everything shifts into this near death state Back to Exploratory Orienting Working With the Nervous System Tracking Sensation – describing sensations happening in the body as they are happening Noticing Movement Patterns – acknowledging the shifts that occur Completion of Defensive Responses – allowing the body to carry out the response desired (runnint, punching, kicking, etc) but VERY SLOWLY Sympathetic Discharge When Coming Out of Freeze or Down From High Sympathetic Charge Impala and the Baboon Video Grounding Exercise Neuroception vs Interoception Neuroception is the lower brain assessment of safety/threat in the environment. Interoception is the awareness of one’s own internal states and can be learned over time. Who is Dr Abi Blakeslee: Dr. Abi Blakeslee is faculty at the Somatic Experiencing Trauma Institute and Foundation for Human Enrichment. She is additionally Dr. Peter Levine’s legacy faculty at Ergos Institute for Somatic Education. Dr. Blakeslee holds a Ph.D. in Clinical and Somatic Psychology and is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Her dissertation, with a committee that included Dr. Daniel Siegel, generated original research on the role of implicit memory in healing trauma. Dr. Blakeslee integrates SE with clinical research, secondary trauma interventions, and the psychobiological principles of attachment and shock trauma. She treats individuals, couples, children and families in her clinical practice. Dr.
Oct 30, 2019
TU106: What Actually Heals in Therapy with Psychoanalyst Nancy McWilliams
45:06
Learn what actually works in therapy. It’s hard to verbalize the problem with “evidence-based” models of care, but renowned psychoanalyst and psychologist Nancy McWilliams does just that. She further describes what happens in quality depth-oriented therapies such as psychoanalytically-informed, attachment-oriented therapy, and integrates the neurobiological aspect that Freud started that has now been confirmed. Who is Nancy McWilliams? Nancy McWilliams, PhD, ABPP, is Visiting Professor in the Graduate School of Applied and Professional Psychology at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey, and has a private practice in Flemington, New Jersey. She is on the editorial board of Psychoanalytic Psychology and has authored three classic books on psychotherapy, including the award-winning Psychoanalytic Diagnosis, Second Edition: Understanding Personality Structure in the Clinical Process. Dr. McWilliams is an Honorary Member of the American Psychoanalytic Association and a former Erikson Scholar at the Austen Riggs Center in Stockbridge, Massachusetts. She is a recipient of the Leadership and Scholarship Awards from Division 39 (Psychoanalysis) of the American Psychological Association (APA) and the Hans H. Strupp Award from the Appalachian Psychoanalytic Society, and delivered the Dr. Rosalee G. Weiss Lecture for Outstanding Leaders in Psychology for APA Division 42 (Psychologists in Independent Practice). She has demonstrated psychodynamic psychotherapy in three APA educational videos and has spoken at the commencement ceremonies of the Yale University School of Medicine and the Smith College School for Social Work. Show Notes – Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Therapy with Nancy McWilliams Psychoanalytic Perspective, Trauma & Attachment Based Treatment • Challenges – academic and scientific • Short term focused • Technique driven • However, deprives individuals of the time needed to establish secure attachment to therapist, develop motivation to change, feel root feelings, etc. • Psychoananalytic Perspective • Humanistic-evidence based relationships • Proving and disproving Freud  Trauma treatment history • Long term Therapy Benefits • Devoted Therapist Negative Transference “Difficult patients” typically are the ones that evoke parts of ourselves that we don’t like. Our own ugliness, our own badness, all of that. And again, that goes back to long-term treatment, but also long-term treatment of ourselves, you know, as doing our own work and really, you know, a lifelong process. Research on non-verbal communications and what works in therapy. Learning the defenses and what lies underneath • Narcissism/soft toss • Borderline • what would you advise for people to get the most out of their therapy or any close relationship that they’re in? Do you have thoughts about that?   If you enjoy this episode you may also enjoy these: TU105: Narcissism, What is Going On Under the Defense w Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley TU90: Avoidance and the Difficulty Opening Up with Guest Robert T. Muller TU41: The Dark Side Of Therapy: Recognizing When The Therapeutic Relationship Goes Bad   Resources: Psychoanalytic Diagnosis by Nancy McWilliams (textbook for therapists and students) To Know and to Care – A_Review of Psychoanalysis by Nancy McWilliams A psychodynamic formulation masterclass by Nancy McWilliams In Conversation Wih Dr Nancy McWilliam The Therapeutic Presence In Psychoanalys by Nancy McWilliams Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed – Lori Gottlieb (Sue read this at Dr. McWilliams suggestion and found it hilarious, poignant and much like therapy occurs in real life. Highly recommended.)   Who doesn’t love special offers? Our course is now available for a deeply discounted early release price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are highly interested in deepening the security in ...
Oct 18, 2019
TU105: Narcissism – What is Going on Under the Defense with Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley
44:39
Hey everybody, we are BACK and ready to take off on Season 4!!! Wahoo! Narcissism – This time we focus on how it’s created and what is going on behind the narcissists defenses. Later we will address Malignant Narcissism, which is in a class all to itself! It deserves an entire episode, but for today we will look at what causes it, healthy and pathological degrees of it and what is really going on under the hood of the person afflicted with narcissism. We really heard the requests wanting to hear more about some of the diagnostic pieces of attachment, trauma and the relational sciences. Specifically, narcissism and borderline personality disorder are of great interest to many of you.  We put our heads together about how to best do this in a way that honors those who are struggling with these issues and those in relationship with them. To do this, we are going to weave conversations about narcissism and borderline personality disorder throughout the season. It may be snippets in a podcast about something else, or entire episodes focused on these concerns. Today, we’re going to get started on narcissism. Greek version of the myth: Narcissus, was the son of River God Cephisus and nymph Lyriope. He was known for his beauty and he was loved by God Apollo due to his extraordinary physique. Narcissus was once walking by a lake or river and decided to drink some water; he saw his reflection in the water and was surprised by the beauty he saw; he became entranced by the reflection of himself. He could not obtain the object of his desire though, and he died at the banks of the river or lake from his sorrow. According to the myth Narcissus is still admiring himself in the Underworld, looking at the waters of the Styx. Healthy Narcissism (!?) We all have some element of Narcissism and if we don’t, we get run over in life. We don’t want to be a doormat but we also don’t want to be on a High Horse above it all. We all have narcissism, it’s healthy entitlement. Functional narcissism is about your sense of Self, healthy entitlement and being inside yourself, and really rolling with who you are as a person. It’s being confident instead of being overly in-tune to others opinion of you. Problematic Narcissism If it’s a character trait rather than a moment in time, it’s all about defense. This defense protects the smallness and inadequacy and shame at it’s core, and to compensate, grandiosity is born. That or the opposite, which we will discuss, but if I attack the hell out of myself then I protect myself from you having less than positive feelings about me because I beat you to it. Basically, it’s about deriving self-esteem from outside affirmation in order to maintain internal validity. Narcissism is an injury to the Self, where we’ve had to give ourselves up in service of the other or blow ouselves up to feel “enough”. It is associated with the avoidant/dissmissing attachment category, or the blue side of the attachment spectrum. Narcissistic Tendencies Versus a Disorder (from a Psychologist’s Perspective) It’s only in the much higher degree and more rigid degree of the trait that we would call it disordered or problematic. This is NOT a judgment. We mean it’s problematic for the person who suffers from it and that it infiltrates most every relationship to a point that it significantly impairs daily functioning or social relationships. Not that a person with true Narcissistic personality disorder would notice this distress, because everyone around them are “stupid” or “the best.” You can imagine stupid one’s are differentiated from them and the best one’s reflect their version of themselves. Narcissistic Injury: Example: The blue side – (avoidance/dismissive attachment) is a defense, whether we live there or whether we travel there. When we feel very deeply vulnerable but can’t tolerate that experience, we pull into what we call a narcissistic defense to avoid an injury.
Oct 03, 2019
TU104: Attachment Science & the Single World With Becki Mendivil (Replay)
54:51
Are you sick of hearing about relationships but interested in attachment? (Or want to deepen your understanding of real world application of the relational sciences while you have a good laugh??!) All the single listeners (think Beyonce) heads up! We are going to break down attachment theory and apply the cool science for all of us…. Continuing in the series on adult attachment, co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP joins Becki Mendivil in a spunky conversation about how attachment affects someone who isn’t in a romantic relationship nor is seeking one, but simply as an individual and a human being. We’ll chat about personal experiences with attachment, how the relational sciences translate to work and parenting with a wide array of anecdotal examples, and dive into the essentials of not remaining in one spot on the attachment spectrum. Becki is self-described as “very blue” so this episode is especially great for those that linger on the avoidant end of the spectrum. Enjoy a great laugh and learn as it unfolds! If you like this you’ll want to be sure and listen to our attachment series, check out episodes 59, 60, and 61! Introduction The problem of assuming someone’s in or seeking a romantic relationship when discussing adult attachment Becki’s giving Therapist Uncensored hosts the what-what on how she reads what we’ve said so far Generational transference of attachment 15:00-30:00: Listening to “The Blue Episode” & Parenting Becki’s experience in listening to the avoidant attachment episode of Therapist Uncensored Seeing the light! Becki’s exeriments to test if this model is actually useful or not. Daughter example. Empathetic silliness unfolds. Sue’s anecdote about her son and changes in attachment Becki affecting change in her physical isolation at work – confronting Sue on therapizing her 🙂 30:00-45:00: Using the Relational Sciences at Work Becki’s wild move towards interacting more directly with peers (!) Avoiding attachment labels/categories as strict definitions of a person Navigating up and down the spectrum of attachment in response to varying types of threats  45:00-60:00: Diving Deeper Attachment disruptions Idea of the “corkscrew” Wrap up and outro   Resources: Adult Attachment Styles in the Workplace – Harms, 2011 article Integrating attachment syle, vigor at work and extra-role performance at work -Little, et al 2011 article Individual differences in Work-Related Well Being, the Role of Attachment 2014     Who doesn’t love special offers? Our course is now available for a deeply discounted pre-sale purchase price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all are welcome to purchase the course. Price increases on October 16, 2019 when it is released. CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION   We’re on Patreon!  Become a Super Neuronerd, a Gold Neuronerd or an Out and Proud PLATINUM NEURONERD today! 🙂  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for just $5 a month!  Gain access to private, more in-depth episodes and exclusive content.  Help us create a ripple of security by sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up.   We’ve partnered with Audible! Our listeners get a free audiobook plus a 30-day free membership. Cancel at any time! GET MY FREE BOOK! Tweet
Sep 25, 2019
TU103: Curiosity – One of the Most Powerful Tools For Connection (Replay)
40:43
Have you ever just sat back and observed a small child as they learn something new? There is this profound sense of awe and wonder with each new discovery they make. Kids are naturally curious. As adults, we tend to take what we know about the world for granted. But, through the eyes of a child, the world is an exciting mystery just waiting to be discovered! What if we told you that it is possible to experience that childlike curiosity in your day-to-day life, starting right now? What if we also told you that curiosity is one of the most powerful relationship tools we have? Curiosity is much more than a quest for knowledge and is not as simple as it seems. In this episode of Therapist Uncensored: Co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott, invite you to rediscover curiosity and experience the world and your relationships from a revitalized perspective! Why is Ann so obsessed with curiosity?! Childlike Wonder: Think about how a child sees things for the first time. It’s strictly curiosity. As we get older, the world becomes more predictable. Being “In the Know” vs “In the Unknown” When we think we know a lot, we limit ourselves. It takes a lot of security to be uncertain. The neuroscience of curiosity A willingness to embrace uncertainty and curiosity go hand in hand. Attachment, curiosity, and anxiety How does our attachment style affect our experience? If you feel bodily anxiety in the questions you’re asking, you’re probably not in the right state. How can we learn to become truly curious about someone in a loving way if we lean towards the blue or red side of the spectrum? If we’re on the blue side of the spectrum, how can we move out to a place where we’re curious. If we’re on the red side, how do we move from asking questions out of anxiety to asking out of curiosity? People who are curious about you are attractive, and we can tell the difference if they’re not really interested. You get to be curious about your therapist. Tips to cultivate curiosity: Train your brain Be aware of what’s happening in your body Recognizing judgment Are you judging people when they speak instead of listening to them? This is a kind of cognitive closure. Slow down and stimulate your own curiosity with questions. Look for novelty and discovery in your interactions. Early relationships often break up out of boredom. You can be curious about your anxiety related to asking questions and even share your anxiety with the person making you nervous. Sharing vulnerability brings people together. Cultivate wonder and awe. To review or learn about the different attachment styles, listen to: TU59: Dismissing/Avoidant Attachment – Are You Cool, or just Cut Off? TU60: Preoccupation in Relationships – Grow Your Security by Learning the Signs of Anxious Attachment TU61: It’s Not Crazy, It’s a Solution to an Unsolvable Problem – Disorganized Attachment TU79: Attachment Spectrum and the Nervous System, Quick Review with Updates Who doesn’t love special offers? Our course is now available for a deeply discounted pre-sale purchase price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE approval for clinicians pending), all are welcome to purchase the course. Price increases on September 18th. CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION   We’re on Patreon!  Become a Super Neuronerd, a Gold Neuronerd or an Out and Proud PLATINUM NEURONERD today! 🙂  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for just $5 a month!  Gain access to private, more in-depth episodes and exclusive content.  Help us create a ripple of security by sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up.   We’ve partnered with Audible! Our listeners get a free audiobook plus a 30-day free membership. Cancel at any time! GET MY FREE BOOK! Tweet
Aug 15, 2019
TU102: Finding Neurological Safety through Relationships, with Guest Bonnie Badenoch (Replay)
50:47
The Power of Co-Regulation Explore the myth of self-regulation, the natural neurobiology of co-regulation and it’s capacity to engage safety and heal trauma. Learn about using interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB) and Polyvagal Theory to establish safety and security in therapy and in relationships. Therapist Uncensored co-host Sue Marriott LCSW CGP talks with author and therapist Bonnie Badenoch about the concept of using safety to reshape your neural landscape through authentic relationships. Badenoch guides us through her progression of building a bridge between science and practice to cultivate the best therapeutic mind. You’ll learn how exercising “happy humility” and compassion can allow for an ideal presence in our day-to-day life using our autonomic nervous system. Also, special hats off to Steve Porges and polyvagal theory. 0:00-30:00 What creates safety? How do our internal systems want us to be received? Sympathetic activation happens when there’s a need to control something in light of an obstacle. Internal systems challenge to remain in an open and receptive state. Polyvagal theory and Steve Porges. How can we explore the relationship between safety and curiosity and best use the language of “safety,” versus “comfort” and “discomfort”, especially towards the beginning of therapy and in new relationships? Badenoch contends that there’s no such thing as a maladaptive experience; that humans are always adaptive and require co-regulation. What’s the difference between co-regulation and auto-regulation? Is there a “myth” of self-regulation? Discussion of ideal parent figure protocol. Badenoch explores the connection between co-regulation, neural circuitry and forging relationships in your life. 30:00-60:00 Social Baseline Theory is what happens to our perceptions when someone we trust is with us. The difficulty and pain of tasks is always reduced when we’re with a trusted beloved and this relaxes our amygdala response. Badenoch walks us through her experience of feeling safe during and between client sessions. It’s key to have mutual, caring, receptive relationships with people who are willing to listen rather than jump in and try to offer advice. Young therapists. Everyone’s doing the best they can with what they have in their neural make up but how can we embody a therapeutic presence in the world through compassion or a “happy humility”? Resources: A Symphony of Gifts From Relational Neuroscience (1) Excellent PDF from Bonnie Badenoch Being a Brain-Wise Therapist: A Practical Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology [2008] Badenoch  The Brain-Savvy Therapist’s Workbook [2011] Badenoch  The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships [2017] Badenoch The Heart of Trauma Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships by Steve Porges!   For our listeners! Our long-awaited Advanced Course is launching soon! Purchase today for the lowest price possible. Pre-sale pricing ends September 18.  CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE   Join Us On Patreon For as little as $5 a month you can join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds to gain private, more in-depth episodes AND to support production of this podcast to provide access to the science of relationships across the globe.   YES SIGN ME UP FOR PATREON, OR FIND OUT MORE, click here! THANK YOU to all of our current Patrons!! Tweet
Aug 01, 2019
TU101: Treating Attachment Disruptions in Adults With David Elliott (Replay)
49:01
We knew we had to interview Dr. Elliott upon finding his book, Attachment Disturbances in Adults, Treatment for Comprehensive Repair(2016). It immediately became Sue’s current favorite read and that is saying a lot! We cover quite a lot in this podcast, especially about treatment, but if that still isn’t enough, these show notes are PACKED with PDF’s of great material offered by Dr. Elliott! Below you will find 4 full PDF handouts about the salient ideas of their synthesis of treatment for adults with attachment disruptions. In today’s episode you will hear about why attachment matters, background thoughts on insecurity and prevalence, brand new (to the US) and updated attachment research and then we mostly focus on how to apply all this knowledge with clients with attachment issues, and ourselves. Dr. Elliott introduces our audience to the 3 Pillars of Comprehensive Treatment: Ideal Parent Protocol, Metacognition and Fostering Collaborative Capacity. While he touches on them all, please download the 4 PDF attachments provided below, and start by reviewing the Overview. If for any reason you have trouble getting them, contact us and we will shoot them over to you! Dr David Elliott’s Bio: Dr. Elliott received his Ph.D. in Psychology in 1989 from Harvard University. His clinical training while at Harvard included externships at the Tufts University Counseling Center, the Outpatient Psychiatry Clinic of St. Elizabeth’s Medical Center in Brighton, Massachusetts, and a clinical psychology internship at McLean Hospital, the psychiatric teaching hospital of Harvard Medical School. He also completed a post-doctoral fellowship at McLean Hospital, where he worked on the Adolescent and Family Treatment Unit and at the hospital’s mental health outpatient clinic. He was licensed as a Psychologist in Massachusetts in 1990, and in Rhode Island in 1993. Recognizing from an early age that there are many dimensions to human experience, any and all of which can contribute to well-being or to difficulty, Dr. Elliott has maintained a commitment to learning and understanding the whole range of human possibility — from the deepest confusions and struggles of psychosis, to the patterns of personality that create personal and relational conflicts, to the development of the self in ways that promote both independence and intimacy, and to higher levels of growth that allow for flourishing and even a recognition of oneself as beyond the limits of the personal self. Four PDFs Overview of the Three Pillars Model of Attachment Treatment (Brown & Elliott, 2016) The Five Primary Conditions that Promote Secure Attachment (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Levels of Metacognitive Skills (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Fostering Collaborative Capacity and Behavior (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Additional resources for this episode: Daniel Brown, co-author of Attachment Disturbances in Adults This is his current website, which focuses on his meditation and spiritual development activities. Attachment Disturbances in Adults Treatment for Comprehensive Repair (2016) Daniel Brown andDavid Elliott  Clinical Application of the Adult Attachment Interview Edited by Howard Steele and Mariam Steele Our favorite clinical reference for those that want to learn much more deeply about using the AAI to treat attachment and learn about its usefulness with various populations. Video of Strange Situation to familiarize yourself with Mary Ainsworth and later Mary Main’s phenomenal work. These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page! If you appreciate this work you can help it continue by becoming a Patron – ie. a super fan, or what we call Neuronerds. Get access to a private community, direct access to us and more content  Click here to sign up for as little as $5 a month. You can also help us by subscribing on Apple Podcast, Google Podcast, Spotify or Podbean to name a few and by leaving a review so others can discove...
Jul 14, 2019
TU100: Reflections and Favorites From 100 Episodes
53:51
100 Episodes and Going Strong! A Review of Our Most Popular and Referenced Episodes Tune in for a review of our listener’s favorite episodes and back stories about the evolution of Therapist Uncensored with co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott. This is a show hosted by 2 therapists who share the most usable science on attachment relationships, psychotherapy, and trauma. It combines both host lead conversations and interviews with top experts in their respective fields – neuroscientists, therapists, researchers, musicians, pop-culture celebrities, and so on – that share their wisdom about relationships. Today we celebrate starting with colleague Patty Olwell, and evolving everything from our messaging, our website, our audio and editing, and our co-host relationship. This is the last show of Season 3, BUT we will be back with new shows by early September. In the meantime, we will be re-playing some of these favorites.  We look forward to our next season of deepening our conversations on attachment, neuroscience, polyvagal theory, depth psychotherapy, sexuality, and more! Most Popular Episodes By Everyone, Including Us! Known as “the bundle” of attachment, these episodes summarize the attachment spectrum and have building security at their core. They are, by far, the most referenced, reviewed, and appreciated! Episode 59: Dismissing/Avoidant attachment. Are you cool or just cut off? Episode 60: Preoccupation in Relationships-Grow your security by learning signs of Anxious Attachment Episode 61: It’s not crazy, it’s just a solution to an unsolvable problem – Disorganized Attachment Other Popular Episodes Include: *Note: listed in order of discussion plus a brief summary of the show conversation Episode 54- The Stress Response System –Attachment Across the Lifespan specifically looking at the elder years and how our attachment system affects us as caretakers of our parents or as the senior who may be undergoing the various losses inherent in aging. Stephen Porges –  Episode 93: Polyvagal Theory in Action: The Practice of Body Regulation The father of Polyvagal Theory! fat led to groundbreaking shifts in our understanding of how the nervous system responds to threat and trauma. Dan Siegel – Episode 16: Inside The Mind of Dr. Dan Siegel Father of interpersonal neurobiology Discussed how the current political, international and climate crises could be viewed as a chance to transform human connection. He called for us all to become pervasive leaders. Alan Sroufe – Episode 56: How We Come To Define Ourselves, Attachment Research Across The Decades If you’ve ever wanted to know how much you can predict a person’s development years in advance, then you’ll enjoy our conversation with Dr. Alan Sroufe. his research findings over the years and how insecure and secure attachment tendencies can develop and affect an individual through their lives. Bonnie Badenock – Episode 83: Establishing Neurological Safety Through Relationships  discussed how exercising “happy humility” and compassion can allow for an ideal presence in our day-to-day life using our autonomic nervous system. Sympathetic activation happens when there’s a need to control something in light of an obstacle. Internal systems challenge to remain in an open and receptive state. Patricia Crittenden – Episode 96, 97, & 98 One of the originators of attachment theory studied under Mary Ainsworth Ep 96: Attachment and Self-protective strategies Ep 97: Dynamic Maturation Model (DMM) Ep 98: Diving deeper into the DMM of Attachment – our summary   Stan Tatkin – Episode 12: If It’s Not Good For You, It’s Not Good For Us talking about understanding how attachment plays out in Long term relationships In order to get over hidden shame, you need to expose it to safe people.  Shame can only be healed interpersonally. Different cultures social constructions of shame.
Jul 08, 2019
TU99: Food, The Body, Trauma, & Attachment With Guests Paula Scatoloni & Rachel Lewis-Marlow
1:01:18
What if we flipped the script and learned to see our body as a messenger that needs to be heard rather than an obstacle to be conquered when it comes to our relationship with food? When we take physiological perspective, we learn that the body has much to say not only about food but also emotional regulation and our basic human needs for attachment and defense. Using the sensory information, attachment system and working with defenses. Who are our guests on this episode, you ask? Well here ya go, they are pretty bad-ass and they were interviewed by Dr. Ann Kelley: Paula Scatoloni, LCSW, CEDS, SEP Paula is a somatic-based psychotherapist, Certified Eating Disorders Specialist, and Somatic Experiencing™ practitioner in Chapel Hill, NC. She has worked in the field of eating disorders for over two decades. Paula served as the Eating Disorder Coordinator at Duke University CAPS for nine years and has taught extensively on the etiology and treatment of eating disorders through workshops, professional trainings, and conferences. She co-developed the first intensive outpatient program for eating disorders in the U.S with Dr. Anita Johnston. She is the co-founder of the Embodied Recovery model and the Embodied Recovery Institute in Durham, NC. Rachel Lewis-Marlow, MS, EdS, LPC, LMBT Rachel is a somatically integrative psychotherapist, dually licensed in counseling and therapeutic massage and bodywork. She is a Certified Advanced Practitioner in Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and has advanced training and 25+ years of experience in diverse somatic therapies including Craniosacral Therapy, Energetic Osteopathy, Oncology massage and Aromatherapy. Rachel She is the co-founder of the Embodied Recovery model and the Embodied Recovery Institute in Durham, NC. provides ongoing training and supervision to clinical and support staff in the programmatic implementation of the Embodied Recovery model. In her private practice in Chapel Hill, NC, Rachel works with trauma, eating disorders, and dissociative disorders.   TU99 Shownotes (are these not awesome or what? Patrons help us be able to do this, thank you you know who you are.) Typical Treatment Model Bio-Psychosocial model Bio: has been usage of pharmacology, re-feeding, nutritional rehabilitation, and yoga Psycho part has been education about emotion and emotional tolerance, dialectical behavioral therapy, supportive therapies to support emotional processing and cognitive distortions, cognitive behavioral treatment to address the distortions, and then try to change the behaviors by changing the cognitions, Social part: family and dynamics around having a place of belonging and one’s sense of belonging in the world, the culture, & the family Usually a treatment team: dietician, a therapist, family therapist, a psychiatrist, a physician Typical View of Recovery Goal: to get somebody to eat a prescribed amount of nutritional food in order to achieve a range of BMI or body size or shape eat it in what we call a normative style, which is a very relative term Focus is on how behaviors are a response to an attitude towards the body itself What’s Missing? Being curious about what the body is saying and expressing through the eating disorder behaviors Shifting the Perspective: The Embodied Recovery Model The Embodied Recovery Model is Somato–Psycho-Social. It expands the role of the body to include anatomy, physiology, kinesiology, movement, and posture. The 5 Core Principles of the Embodied Recovery Model The 5 Core Principles facilitate the intersection between somatic organization, subjective experience of self, and basic human needs for attachment and defense. Shifting from bio-psycho-social model to somato-psycho-social model. Directly resourcing the body so that it becomes a resource in recovery rather than an obstacle to recovery. Collaborate with the body at the physiological level to support the infrastructures that govern emo...
Jun 27, 2019
TU98: Dive Deeper into a Model of Attachment Science (the DMM) by Ann Kelley & Sue Marriott
26:55
Dive deeper into this new (to us) model of interpreting attachment science and discover how to apply it into your daily life. Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Ann Kelley PhD have fun breaking down the last two episodes where Dr. Patricia Crittenden so generously shared her model called the Dynamic Maturational Model (DMM). Focus is on personal and clinical importance in this last of a 3-part series on the DMM. Before we begin: A’s (Red in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Blue on TU B’s (Blue in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Green on TU C’s (Green in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Red on TU AC’s = Historically referred to Tie Dye on TU **Note: We know the colors may be a bit confusing, but it is important to us that you receive information as Dr Crittenden has published it. It is by happenstance that our colors are the same (with the exception of tie dye), but they represent different thinking and behavioral patterns. When we refer to color in the episodes and in the show notes, we are referring to the colors we have historically used on the TU podcast and the letters and self-protective strategies of the DMM. This is only in order to maintain consistency and make the information more easily understood by our listeners. However, the colors as shown in the slides and as listed above, are the way Dr Crittenden uses them in her fantastic work! Brief Hierarchy of Attachment Theory: There’s a lot of similarity between the more familiar Mary Main et al ABC-D model of attachment and the Patricia Crittenden’s DMM interpretation of attachment, but there are also some very important differences. What’s in A Name? Dynamic Maturational Model (DMM) – potentially intimidating mouthful, BUT let’s break it down What it means: Sue and Ann share their take on Dr Crittenden’s walk through the developmental process that happens in attachment from infancy to adulthood. (Listen to Episode 96 and Episode 97). As we mature into different stages of our life, our needs and self-protective strategies (what the DMM helps us learn) we use change accordingly. The beautiful thing about the DMM is the way it incorporates culture, sexuality, key relationships, and danger/safety into the attachment mix. Speaking of safety…. One key difference between the DMM and traditional attachment models is the emphasis on SAFETY rather than SECURITY. According to the DMM: -attachment is about the dyadic relationship in danger, it does not just live in the person -we take in information from the environment (parent in infancy) and shift this into “behaviors” or self-protective strategies. -these strategies develop to protect us. They are our brain’s way of helping us reduce danger and increase connectedness by creating closeness, proximity, and safety. Information Processing -It’s physiological. There are 3 systems: Somatic: what does our body feel…our heart, our stomach feel Cognitive: how we process the information, how do we make meaning Emotional: what’s coming up Bottom line, we can learn from our body. They are connected but not hierarchical. Security = Integration of all 3 of these info systems (Therapist Uncensored’s model ie. getting to the green) The Attachment Spectrum As you move out on the spectrum, (in the DMM, it’s a circle, which is also really cool) we begin to inhibit or exaggerate information based on the response in our environment/the response of our caregivers. We will tend to lean Blue or Red or Tie Dye (check out episodes 59, 60, 61 for more detailed info on each color). NOTE: These colors are Ann and Sue’s Attachment & Regulation Spectrum, not colors from the DMM. It is NOT conscious and forms in the first 2 years via Neuroception. Neuroception (listen to our episode on Polyvagal Theory for more info) tells us, as infants, that if we cry, our caregiver will react a certain way. We inhibit information according to what will keep us safe and bring us closer to our ca...
Jun 13, 2019
TU97: The Dynamic Maturational Model (DMM) of Attachment With Guest Patricia Crittenden (Part 2)
56:28
“So which strategy in this model is best? Every behavioral strategy is the right strategy for some problem, but no strategy is the best strategy for every problem. We need them all.” – Dr Patricia Crittenden, creator of the Dynamic Maturational Model of Attachment & Adaptation (DMM) using culture and context. Click HERE to download the slides discussed in detail in this episode! Note: This episode is Part 2 of 2. It stands alone, but to start at Part 1 click HERE.     Therapist Uncensored Episode 97 Show Notes: Before we begin: A’s (Red in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Blue on TU B’s (Blue in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Green on TU C’s (Green in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Red on TU AC’s = Historically referred to Tie Dye on TU **Note: We know the colors may be a bit confusing, but it is important to us that you receive information as Dr Crittenden has published it. It is by happenstance that our colors are the same (with the exception of tie dye), but they represent different thinking and behavioral patterns. When we refer to color in the episodes and in the show notes, we are referring to the colors we have historically used on the TU podcast and the letters and self-protective strategies of the DMM. This is only in order to maintain consistency and make the information more easily understood by our listeners. However, the colors as shown in the slides and as listed above, are the way Dr Crittenden uses them in her fantastic work! Let’s Dive In: To understand self-protective strategies, we have to understand the information the brain is using, even in infancy – it’s neurological. A’s, the B’s and the C’s emphasize different sorts of information. Strategies by Age Group and Model Representation:   Infancy DMM                           Ainsworth                ABC+D A-2: Avoidant                           A1-2                    A1-2 B1-2: Reserved                    B1-4                    B1-4 B3: Comfortable                    C1                       C1-2 B4-5: Reactive                                              D-Controlling C1-2: Resistant/Passive   Preschool Preschoolers utilize false positive affect. A’s split their own self from the other, and they focus on the parent. They take the perspective of the powerful person. C’s split their negative affect, showing either the vulnerable or the invulnerable affect. They hide the other from view. DMM                             Ainsworth               ABC+D A1-2: Avoidant                                                 A1-2 A3-4: Compulsively Caregiving/Compliant      B1-4 B1-2: Reserved                                               C1-2 B3: Comfortable                                               D-Controlling B4-5: Reactive C1-2: Resistant/Passive C3-4: Aggressive/Feigned Helpless School Age DMM                             Ainsworth               ABC+D A1-2: Avoidant                                                 A1-2 A3-4: Compulsively Caregiving/Compliant                       B1-4 B1-2: Reserved                                                C1-2 B3: Comfortable                                          D-Controlling B4-5: Reactive C1-2: Resistant/Passive C3-4: Aggressive/Feigned Helpless C5-6: Punitive/Seductive   Adolescence DMM                             Ainsworth               ABC+D A1-2: Avoidant                                                 A1-2 A3-4: Compulsively Caregiving/Compliant                        B1-4 A5-6: Compulsively Promiscuous/Self-Reliant                    C1-2 B1-2: Reserved                                          U/Cannot Classify B3: Comfortable B4-5: Reactive C1-2: Resistant/Passive C3-4: Aggressive/Feigned Helpless C5-6: Punitive/Seductive   Adult DMM                               Ainsworth                    ABC+D
May 29, 2019
TU96: Treating Attachment & Self-Protective Strategies With Guest Patricia Crittenden(Part 1)
41:35
Treating Attachment & Self-Protective Strategies “If it protects you, it’s the right strategy.” – Dr Patricia Crittenden, creator of the Dynamic Maturational Model of Attachment & Adaptation (DMM) using culture and context. Are you ready to move from describing injured developmental pathways and symptoms – to addressing how to heal from disrupted development? We are on the case! In this episode co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discusses exactly that with Dr. Patrica Crittenden, founder of the Dynamic Maturational Model of Attachment & Adaption (DMM) using culture and context to understand, decode and heal early relational injuries. Their conversation was deep and wide, thus will be published in two sections. In today’s episode, TU96, Dr. Crittenden focuses on wide-reaching cultural aspects of development, safety and danger. She uses decades of observations, assessment, research and clinical work to describe her take on what she refers to as the American Attachment researchers and elucidates how her model is similar and where and why it differs. Dr. Crittenden’s focus on applying this rich research clinically aligns perfectly with the mission of this podcast. Whether you are a clinician, foster parent, educator or are interested for your own personal reasons, you will find her perspective fresh and thought-provoking! Please see the PACKED resources and show notes below! Who is Patricia Crittenden and why do want to know her…. Dr. Mary Ainsworth Dr. Crittenden studied under Mary. D. Ainsworth from 1978 until 1983, when she received her Ph.D. as a psychologist in the Social Ecology and Development Program at the University of Virginia. In addition to Mary Ainsworth’s constant guidance and support, her psychology master’s thesis on the CARE-Index, was developed in consultation with John Bowlby and her family systems research, on patterns of family functioning in maltreating families, was accomplished with guidance from E. Mavis Hetherington. John Bowbly Dr. Crittenden has served on the Faculties of Psychology at the Universities of Virginia and Miami and held visiting professorships at the Universities of Helsinki (Finland) and Bologna (Italy) as well as San Diego State University (USA) and Edith Cowan University (Australia). In 1992 she received a Senior Post-doctoral Fellowship, with a focus on child sexual abuse and the development of individual differences in human sexuality, at the Family Research Laboratory, University of New Hampshire. In 1993-4 she was awarded the Beverley Professorship at the Clark Institute of Psychiatry (Canada). In the last two decades, Dr. Patricia Crittenden has worked cross-culturally as a developmental psychopathologist developing the Dynamic-Maturational Model (DMM) of attachment and adaptation, along with a developmentally attuned, life-span set of procedures for assessing self-protective strategies. She has received a career achievement award for “Outstanding Contributions to the Field of Child and Family Development” from the European Family Therapy Association in Berlin. Currently, Dr. Crittenden’s work is focused on preventive and culture- sensitive applications of the DMM to mental health treatment, child protection, and criminal rehabilitation. Before we begin: A’s (Red in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Blue on TU B’s (Blue in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Green on TU C’s (Green in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Red on TU AC’s = Historically referred to Tie Dye on TU **Note: We know the colors may be a bit confusing, but it is important to us that you receive information as Dr Crittenden has published it. It is by happenstance that our colors are the same (with the exception of tie dye), but they represent different thinking and behavioral patterns. When we refer to color in the episodes and in the show notes, we are referring to the colors we have historically used on the TU podcast and the letters and self-protective ...
May 15, 2019
TU95: Oxytocin & Dogs (& Pets in General) as Attachment Figures
33:19
Oxytocin and dogs! Our pet relationships provide a trust and bonding boost, and is the natural love drug our bodies make at key relational moments such as child-birth, nursing, orgasm and falling in love.* In this episode we discuss how to create this moral molecule without even needing complicated human relationships by connecting mutually to our companion pets. What’s not to love about that? The science now is clear – this inter-species relationship is mutually beneficial and potentially life-changing for both of you. Lower cortisol, higher oxytocin, more trust and connection – ba bing! Most of us can relate to having a beloved pet that has been a significant part of our lives. We love them, and the cool thing is, they love us back unconditionally it seems, without regard to our moral failings. In fact, there is now crazy hard science research to back up the power of this connection, particularly regarding dogs. In our last episode, we told you that we’d be talking more about the love drug, oxytocin, and how we can actively induce the release of this hormone in our bodies in order to promote our favorite subject, building security. In this one we get real and walk the walk of vulnerability.  So, what do pets, specifically dogs, have to do with oxytocin and building security? Well, security happens through safe connection, and connection both induces the release of oxytocin and is created by it’s presence. This cascade creates a feeling of physiological safety and openness and warmth in our bodies, which helps us to bond and build security. Believe it or not, we can consciously manipulate our body’s release of oxytocin through the bond we create with our beloved pets. And if you’ve been following the podcast, you know this ties into the previous 2 episodes on Polyvagal Theory and our autonomic nervous system. In this episode, join Ann and Sue as they talk about what this experience looks like in real life and how to cultivate the love-drug cross-species. Also hear Sue’s incredibly powerful story of tragic loss, and renewed hope, all related to pets. *Of course we are simplifying a bit – nothing is all good. Oxytocin isn’t always a love-drug, it can cause aggression or feelings of loneliness. For example if the wolves had made eye-contact as the companion dogs did (the wolves made much less eye contact and had no increase in the hormone), it would probably have spiked aggression rather than bonding (an urge to protect their bonded pack rather than attach to the alien human), but we are focusing here on the most major findings of the neuropeptide. Cooper comforting Sue… I know so MANY of you have pets as primaries, it’s a real relationship (scientifically and intuitively) that truly comforts and heals. Episode 95 show notes: Oxytocin – Ann and Sue’s favorite neuropeptide, AKA the cuddle drug, the love drug, the moral molecule. Research shows that the bond we have with our pets is reciprocal. The pleasure center of the brain lights up in us and in our animal partners. Cortisol levels decrease, and oxytocin levels increase in humans and animals when we have high eye contact. The most significant increase (up to almost 300%) is seen with dogs and varies based on breed. It’s an extra boost if we catch our dogs looking at us first. Don’t be embarrassed about your significant other with 4 legs, or less. Hear about bonding with fish, monkey’s picking and humans grooming behavior, and what lice has to do with it all. Dogs and any other beloved pet can be serious attachment figure in our lives, helping us to build a sense of safety and security in the world. It can be a very powerful relationship that is just as strong, and sometimes stronger, than human connections. Granted some people have pets as just animals, an object to guard their home or to rescue or to get dates, but that is totally different from the potential real attachment relationships that in the right circumstances can enhance the li...
May 01, 2019
TU94: The Science of Self-Regulation – Breaking Down Polyvagal Theory
30:43
The science of relaxing into love, this episode continues the exploration of Polyvagal Theory, one of the most important theories of our generation, especially when it comes to trauma and psychological treatment. Join Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley as they continue to break down and bring Polyvagal Theory to life. Through discussion and real-life examples of what happens when our bodies experience threat, you will learn how to recognize when you or your loved one is experiencing an unconscious physiological threat response as well as some practical self-regulation skills to move back into safety. Additionally, we will begin unfolding how powerful relationships are in helping us establish, maintain and return to a physiological state of safety. It’s true, love really is a drug! Check out TU93b, our interview with Dr Stephen Porges, the father of Polyvagal Theory by clicking here!  Why are we so jazzed about Polyvagal Theory (PVT)? PVT looks at the body related to attachment, related to getting close to one another, and to co-regulation and ties it all together! What’s PVT all about? PVT is an evolutionarily based theory that explains how our bodies sense danger and threat and also how we respond. It helps us to understand what is going on physiologically during these times, so we can learn to recognize our bodies’ signals and utilize skills to regulate our nervous system. Polyvagal Theory Breakdown The bottom line is are we safe or are we in danger? Neuroception: Our brains are always scanning for info from the environment that regulates whether we feel safe or not safe. It is spontaneous and completely outside of our awareness. Old View: Only Fight or Flight Response Systems, but that’s outdated. Polyvagal View: We not only have a Fight or Flight Response, we also have a Freeze Response. The Systems and the Vagus Nerve Autonomic Nervous System – Autonomic=Automatic – all the things our bodies do for us without thinking Examples: blinking, digestion, etc… Breathing is the only autonomic process we can manipulate consciously Parasympathetic Para=Paralyzed This is the brake. Sympathetic Energizing Where “Fight and Flight” are Prehistoric example (Old View): being attacked by a saber tooth tiger, response will be to run from it or fight it, literally. Everyday example: A mad spouse, angry boss, disapproving parent Fight=defensiveness, blame, etc. Flight=withdrawing, physically leaving a party, stonewalling The Vagus Nerve Largest nerve in the body All mammals and vertebrates have it, some versions of it in fish Runs throughout our entire body Information Freeway – carries information from scans of the environment to the brain Our Brains: Safety vs Danger Safety: This is the Social Engagement System (The Green Zone) When we are safe, the lights are on all the way to the top of our minds. We are our very best selves. Hearts are open Whole neuro psychological, the biological system is signaling safety: the heart rate slows, breath is steady, able to digest food, make eye contact, have movement in our face so other people can read us, inner ear relaxes, ears relaxes enabling us to pick up human voice very, very well. Danger: When in danger, our brains work in reverse order. breathing quickens and is shallow, heart rate increases, non-vital body functions are shut down, Inner ear constricts because it listening for high tones and low tones – listening for predators, oxygen level decreases, stress hormones (cortisol, norepinephrine, and adrenaline) are dumped into system. Neural WiFi: Our unconscious neurological states of feeling safe or feeling threatened translate to the people we interact with, even through the phone. Example: Sue & Ann’s phone conversation Bottom Up: Vagus nerve: picks info up from our body bottom and carries it up to the brain Brain:
Apr 17, 2019
TU93: Polyvagal Theory in Action – The Practice of Body Regulation With Dr Stephen Porges
59:32
Polyvagal Theory is about the biology of opening our hearts. Cool, huh? What is all this fuss about the vagal nerve and the flurry of interventions developed around it? Find out the facts directly from the father of Polyvagal Theory, award-winning neuroscientist Dr. Stephen Porges. In this episode, he speaks with co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP to discuss this ground-breaking discovery about the biology of threat and safety which explains so much about human behavior and psychological disturbances. Rest assured,this isn’t just about our brains, it’s about the biology of opening our hearts. This episode will be followed by another updated primer on Polyvagal Theory, so stay tuned. Who is Dr. Porges? Stephen W. Porges PhD is the father of the Polyvagal Theory, which has led to groundbreaking shifts in our understanding of how the nervous system responds to threat and trauma. Through his extensive career, he has published over 300 peer-reviewed articles crossing numerous disciplines from anesthesiology to space medicine.  The Polyvagal Theory is leading to innovative treatments based on insights into the symptoms observed in several behavioral, psychiatric, and physical disorders.   Dr. Porges is a “Distinguished University Scientist” at the Kinsey Institute, Indiana University. He is the founding director of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium. He holds the position of Professor of Psychiatry at the University of North Carolina as well as Professor Emeritus at the University of Illinois at Chicago and the University of Maryland. He previously served as president of the Society for Psychophysiological Research and the Federation of Associations in Behavioral & Brain Sciences. He is also a former recipient of a National Institute of Mental Health Research Scientist Development Award. Episode 93 Show Notes: Introducing Dr. Porges and The Polyvagal Theory (PVT) We love it because what we’re interested here in this community is how can learn and use neuroscience and the relational sciences in order to heal. It’s not just for our brains; it’s for our hearts. And it’s for creating secure connections in the world. The Truth: Beyond Vagal Nerve Pop Culture Awareness of the Vagus is great, but Dr Porges gets concerned when people get enamored with the Vagus The nerve is really just a conduit. It’s a highway of bringing information from the body to the brain and from the brain to the body. You have to change the information, not fix the nerve. It’s supposed to be an understanding of how our body changes state and the connection of our brain to our body and our body to our brain. It was the foundation of brain-body science and medicine. Polyvagal Theory Origins 1994 – presented as the subject of Dr Porges’ presidential address to the Society for Psychophysiological Research A rediscovery of what had already been observed presented from a new perspective 1995 – Polyvagal Theory is published The Backstory: The original research began as an attempt to develop a methodology for dynamic measurement of normal heart regulation of fetuses through the process of childbirth. Initially, Dr. Porges thought he discovered a way of measuring the Vagal influence: when the body is regulating, it’s in a good physiological state, resilient, and can survive delivery. The Paradox The situation: baby suffers from hypoxia, resulting in clinical apnea (stop breathing) or clinical bradycardia (heart rate drops) Dr Porges’ view: bradycardia indicates protective Vagal response Neonatologist and pediatrician view: bradycardia indicates a lethal Vagal response Both are right, but how? They are two different branches of the same system. How branches emerge, and their effects are built into the nervous system. The protective Vagal circuit (branch 1) is a newer Mammalian Vagal circuit, which preterm babies often aren’t born with. During severe stress,
Apr 10, 2019
TU92: Understanding Addiction and Attachment-Informed Treatment With Guests Brad Kennedy & Vanessa Kennedy
1:14:47
Learn 3 distinct features that make one vulnerable to addiction and understand the varied dynamics through the lens of attachment and emotional regulation. In today’s episode, Dr. Ann Kelley interviews two experts in the field of substance abuse treatment, Brad Kennedy and Dr. Vanessa Kennedy from Driftwood Recovery Center. They discuss their attachment-based perspective on what addiction is, how it develops, how understanding our attachment styles critically impacts the treatment and recovery process.  Learn what they have to say about stigma, shame, self-destruction, and check out the incredible resources included in today’s topic. Addiction affects almost every one of us. There are many opinions and controversies in the field of what causes it, what helps and how to address it. When viewed through the lens of attachment, we are able to understand why we have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms and how they no longer serve us. This understanding is essential to treat the issues underlying our destructive behaviors as well as how we connect with others. By getting curious about our behaviors and understanding why we do what we do, we can begin shifting our narrative from one of shame to one of compassion. This compassionate narrative combined with an attachment-based, integrative treatment approach, and most importantly, connection with others, are essential to co-creating a path to recovery and ultimately, the version of ourselves we wish to become. Brad Kennedy, MRC, CRC Vice President, Executive Director of Driftwood Recovery Center  Brad has been a national leader in developing innovative programs to help individuals recover from addiction and mental health issues for the past twenty years. He comes to us from the Menninger Clinic and is the Founding Board Member of the Association for Community Integration Programs (A4CIP). The A4CIP is an organization that assembles experts to share perspectives on how to help individuals with mental illness and addiction live healthy lives and integrate back into society. Brad’s is now the Executive Director at the Driftwood Recovery Center, where he and the team focus on evidence-based techniques and integrative treatment. He has a special passion for community integration and aiding individuals in identifying their values and leading a meaningful life after treatment and through their recovery. Vanessa S. Kennedy, PhD Director of Psychology at Driftwood Recovery Center Dr. Vanessa Kennedy has over a decade of experience working with the Menninger Clinic, one of the nation’s top psychiatric hospitals. As a Program Manager and Senior Psychologist, she treats people suffering from addiction and a variety of serious mental health issues. Dr. Kennedy specializes in psychological testing and diagnostic formulations. She has a passion for helping individuals and their families make sense of the psychological underpinnings of addiction and other behaviors. As the Driftwood Director of Psychology, she provides psychological assessments to clarify diagnosis, screen for cognitive issues, and provide a clearer road map for treatment that substances and medications may have obscured. In this episode of Therapist Uncensored, What is the definition of addiction? The “real world” definition of addiction is various behaviors that interfere in your life that might keep you from really living your values. Addiction is relevant to everyone. What addiction includes Plus, what behaviors do you regularly and habitually engage in (coffee drinking, checking your phone, etc.)? Are they disrupting your life? How do you know when a habit has become a problem, and what do you do about it? It starts with awareness of our habits and their impact. Am I using it to manipulate my mood? Take a curious, non-judgmental stance and continue to ask ourselves why we like and do the things we do. Being curious isn’t as easy as it sounds.
Mar 15, 2019
TU91: Curiosity – One of the Most Powerful Tools For Connection
39:18
Have you ever just sat back and observed a small child as they learn something new? There is this profound sense of awe and wonder with each new discovery they make. Kids are naturally curious. As adults, we tend to take what we know about the world for granted. But, through the eyes of a child, the world is an exciting mystery just waiting to be discovered! What if we told you that it is possible to experience that childlike curiosity in your day-to-day life, starting right now? What if we also told you that curiosity is one of the most powerful relationship tools we have? Curiosity is much more than a quest for knowledge and is not as simple as it seems. In this episode of Therapist Uncensored: co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott, invite you to rediscover curiosity and experience the world and your relationships from a revitalized perspective! Why is Ann so obsessed with curiosity?! Childlike Wonder: Think about how a child sees things for the first time. It’s strictly curiosity. As we get older, the world becomes more predictable. Being “In the Know” vs “In the Unknown” When we think we know a lot, we limit ourselves. It takes a lot of security to be uncertain. The neuroscience of curiosity A willingness to embrace uncertainty and curiosity go hand in hand. Attachment, curiosity, and anxiety How does our attachment style affect our experience? If you feel bodily anxiety in the questions you’re asking, you’re probably not in the right state. How can we learn to become truly curious about someone in a loving way if we lean towards the blue or red side of the spectrum? If we’re on the blue side of the spectrum, how can we move out to a place where we’re curious. If we’re on the red side, how do we move from asking questions out of anxiety to asking out of curiosity? People who are curious about you are attractive, and we can tell the difference if they’re not really interested. You get to be curious about your therapist. Tips to cultivate curiosity: Train your brain Be aware of what’s happening in your body Recognizing judgment Are you judging people when they speak instead of listening to them? This is a kind of cognitive closure. Slow down and stimulate your own curiosity with questions. Look for novelty and discovery in your interactions. Early relationships often break up out of boredom. You can be curious about your anxiety related to asking questions and even share your anxiety with the person making you nervous. Sharing vulnerability brings people together. Cultivate wonder and awe. To review or learn about the different attachment styles, listen to: TU59: Dismissing/Avoidant Attachment – Are You Cool, or just Cut Off? TU60: Preoccupation in Relationships – Grow Your Security by Learning the Signs of Anxious Attachment TU61: It’s Not Crazy, It’s a Solution to an Unsolvable Problem – Disorganized Attachment TU79: Attachment Spectrum and the Nervous System, Quick Review with Updates Who doesn’t love special offers? We’re on Patreon!  Become a Super Neuronerd, a Gold Neuronerd or an Out and Proud PLATINUM NEURONERD today! 🙂  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for just $5 a month!  Gain access to private, more in-depth episodes and exclusive content.  Help us create a ripple of security by sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up.   We’ve partnered with Audible! Our listeners get a free audiobook plus a 30-day free membership. Cancel at any time! GET MY FREE BOOK! Tweet
Mar 01, 2019
TU90: Attachment Avoidance and the Difficulty Opening Up, with Robert T. Muller
43:53
Troubled attachment is a natural outcome of challenging life experiences or trauma. But, there’s another outcome that we want to talk about: intimacy avoidance. It’s hard enough to open up in relationships. However, when your life experience has challenged you, avoidance is sure to follow. You may have found safety in hiding (a.k.a. cloaking). Yet, that cloak can clog up our current adult relationships. Dang it! Sorry to tell you what we imagine you already know – 🙂 Gotta lose the cloak, friend. Sue Marriott & guest, Robert T. Muller, talk from a place of totally getting it. “Talking the talk” is so much easier than “walking the walk”! We all gotta work on losing the cloak. even as therapists. 😉 Today’s guest expert:  Robert T Muller PhD is author of the newly released, Trauma and the Struggle to Open Up, as well as the psychotherapy bestseller,  Trauma and the Avoidant Client, Attachment-Based Strategies for Healing. He has published numerous articles on trauma, attachment, and psychotherapy. He enjoys being a professor of Clinical Psychology at York University and a Fellow of the International Society for the Study of Trauma & Dissociation. Dr. Muller is an international speaker with over 30 years of experience. In addition, he has a clinical practice in downtown Toronto. In TU 90, we discuss avoidance: What is “self-deception”? When the truth in trauma is unspeakable, we edit the truth as a coping mechanism. How does avoidance form?  Humor as a coping strategy has a deeper meaning. What is “Post-traumatic” growth? What fundamental questions do we have to reckon with? Let’s talk about forgiveness with trauma. What is “rushed forgiveness”? Why is there a felt pressure to forgive? Dr. Muller shares his own personal experiences with listeners. He opens up about his father’s trauma as well as his subsequent trauma. Dr. Muller talks about his interest in the subject of trauma. What can therapists do in-session? Allowing client critiques can level the playing field. Want to hear more related to Avoidance? Listen to this episode where Dr. Dan Brown discusses Complex Trauma.  And, check out this episode with Bonnie Badenoch on Establishing Neurological Safety This Episode’s Resources are listed below! Purchase Trauma and the Struggle to Open Up, From Avoidance to Recovery and Growth by Robert T. Muller. Purchase Trauma and the Avoidant Client, Attachment-Based Strategies for Healing by Robert T. Muller. Check out Dr. Muller’s articles on Psychology Today’s blog on mental health.     Who doesn’t love special offers? We’re on Patreon!  Become a Super Neuronerd, a Gold Neuronerd or an Out and Proud PLATINUM NEURONERD today! 🙂  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for just $5 a month!  Gain access to private, more in-depth episodes and exclusive content.  Help us create a ripple of security by sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up.   We’ve partnered with Audible! Our listeners get a free audiobook plus a 30-day free membership. Cancel at any time! GET MY FREE BOOK! Tweet
Feb 14, 2019
TU89: Neurofluency – with Dr. Lou Cozolino, Applied Neuroscience Made Understandable
50:34
This episode breaks down neurofluency – the basics of neuroscience as it relates to being human in a relational world. This skill will help you with your boss, your teacher, your student, your child, you client or your spouse. Renowned author and therapist Lou Cozolino returns to Therapist Uncensored with co-host Sue Marriott for a breakdown of a concept he calls neurofluency. They describe what the key ingredients are for growth and why integration of different treatment forms can be crucial to healing. This one is for true neuronerds, therapists and advanced “normals” – technical but also truly applied theory! In this episode, TU89, we discuss: The concept of neurofluency Cortical integration – The importance of having a safe relationship and a capacity to regulate . You need to feel safe in order to have affect regulation, which you need to not have your cortical systems inhibited, and then you can add new information. Or when safe you can learn, when threatened you shut down any new updates to your old model, new learning, adaptation. Cozolino offers his thoughts on EMDR treatment and the orienting response. This is different and interesting – check it out! News: We have three executive systems, not just cortical, like previously imagined. Now it’s recognized that we have the amygdal response system (most primitive, fight-or-flight), frontal parietal networks in the brain (organizes our experiences of space-time and how to navigate), and the default mode network (self awareness, empathy). Learn the one most associated w/ the attachment system Historical background on Freud, who may have inhibited his own interest in the brain (despite being a neuroscientist) until a publication came out after his death. Therapist Uncensored has a page that says, “Neuroplasticity, Get Some.” We discuss what “neuroplasticity” is and what are the conditions that promote it?’ The psychology of distrusting leaders. In relation to face to face therapy, touch therapy, somatic therapy, Cozolino believes that the main key is safety, in whatever capacity it comes. Learning how to think through the basic principles of plasticity to achieve change is the goal, and there’s no one right way to do that. Emotion has to be part of new learning. Main points:There are no set answers and don’t believe anyone who is telling you they have them. Don’t trust narcissistic leaders that insist on following their brand, or say their view is the right and only way to do treatment. That is not science, it is not integrated in history and the balance of science and practice, and we should be skeptical especially of those profiting from alleged “new ideas” in therapy. We should also be wary of those that follow such gurus. The brain is a social organism so you have to have a broad view or conceptualization. You have to get in touch with your own flexibility and tolerate the anxiety of your own ignorance. (We LOVE that!!!) Previous and early Therapist Uncensored Episode #36, this with Patty Olwell and Lou Cozolino –   Lou Cozolino’s Biography: Louis Cozolino, PhD, is a professor of psychology at Pepperdine University and a private practitioner. He is the author of The Healthy Aging Brain: Sustaining Attachment, Attaining Wisdom (2008), The Neuroscience of Human Relationships: Attachment and the Developing Social Brain (2014), The Neuroscience of Psychotherapy: Healing the Social Brain (2010), and Why Therapy Works: Using Our Minds to Change Our Brains (2015), Timeless: Nature’s Formula for Health and Longevity (2018). He has several books and articles in press at this publication. His new Dr. Cozolino has diverse clinical and research interests and hold degrees in philosophy, theology, and clinical psychology. His current interests are in the areas of the synthesis of neuroscience with psychotherapy, education, management, and leadership. In addition to multiple books,
Jan 31, 2019
TU88: 6 Steps to Building Security & Self-Confidence You Can Do On Your Own
29:43
Building self-confidence and inner security on your own can seem nearly impossible, so for today we are ditching the heady theoretical neuroscience to break down 6 quick tips to improve self-confidence entirely on your own. It’s science-based but we focus on the actionable.    You’ll discover how this handful of practical steps for self-confidence can vastly improve the way you feel internally and the way you carry yourself externally. Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott co-host this show to bring the science of relationships to the world in an accessible and practical format!   In this episode, we discuss action, not theory, for self-confidence: Tip 1: Sit up – Focus on your posture, pull your shoulders back and bring your body up. Breathe in and think of standing like a soldier, not collapse like a rag doll. This alone can bring a cascade of new internal experiences. Try it. Tip 2: Make eye contact even if scares the shit out of you – Look straight ahead, lift your head up and make gentle eye contact with anyone around you, whether you know them or not. Eyes produce gabba and oxytocin. Try and actually see others. Gently hold it with those you know and those you don’t, meet them. Experiment! Tip 3: Don’t be creepy w/ this one, esp if coupled with the two above 🙂 but practice a tiny, gentle internal smile – This smile is mostly internal but it will relax your face and actually evoke calming neurotransmitters that signal safety in your body. (And signal availability for others to approach you. Cool perk!) Tip 4: Go slower – Slow down your metronome. If you’re speaking rapidly, you’re broadcasting your internal state probably anxiety or pressure. Take a breath and slow down. You’ll end up speaking more directly and come off more confident. Sue presents her “1-3-5-7” scale for approaching someone and navigating an impromptu conversation. Stay engaged and don’t do what most people do and give up after your first approach. Tip 5: Learn to ground or center yourself, use the tree method. Become the trunk not the branches, have roots. Become aware of the present moment. Who are you inside yourself? Can you feel that? Tip 6: Prepare and practice – These things won’t be natural unless you actively implement them on a frequent basis and you can practice them pretty much anywhere. You can actually make your brain calm down by taking a deep breath and relaxing your body over a twenty second period. Let your brain do a hertz sweep to see how you are doing and fake relax, this will signal your body that it is actually safe to really relax. 🙂 Want different perspectives related to this episode? https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/he-saidshe-said/201210/be-in-the-moment-feel-more-secure https://tinybuddha.com/blog/8-ways-to-be-more-confident-live-the-life-of-your-dreams/   Enjoying the podcast? Then you’ll definitely enjoy this previous episode as well! It’s neuro-nerdy, but if you are up to it, and especially if you want IN DEPTH training on psychology and attachment, click here:  Treating complex trauma and attachment with Dr Daniel Brown Like what we are doing for you and the world? Please…. Become a TU Supporter and get more in-depth content (FOUNDING MEMBERS CAN JOIN FOR ONLY $1 A MONTH): Many of you have expressed a desire to get more in-depth content and we believe we have a found the answer! Become a Patreon member and, depending on level, you can have access to a private feed with deeper content and more access to us, as well as support our ability to continue to provide fresh content to many across the globe that may not otherwise have such free access. Go to Patreon.com/therapistuncensored and sign up today. We would be so grateful for the support! Join the Conversation The easiest way to dive in is to like our Facebook – it’s an active page and there is even a private FB community where you can discuss directly with other listeners. Also,
Jan 24, 2019
TU 87: Treating Complex Trauma and Attachment with Guest Dr. Daniel Brown
54:29
This episode is packed with cool content! Learn about complex trauma, debunk myths of false memories from an expert witness for the prosecutors of child sexual abuse, and revisit the 3 Pillars Model of effective treatment for attachment disturbances, Dr. Daniel Brown! Also see the SPECIAL OFFER for his newly launched training below. Early attachment disruption is often the primary contributor to many adult mental health issues. Treating symptoms without addressing the underlying root cause can set up both the therapist and the client, so it’s important we all understand what is happening below the surface. In this Therapist Uncensored episode, Dr. Daniel Brown joins co-host Sue Marriott to discuss the 3 essential ingredients of effective and efficient treatment for many clinical issues such as anxiety, depression, addiction, PTSD and personality disorders. We also get to hear take away’s from the 200 child sexual abuse cases he has testified for as an expert witness for the prosecutors and his work at the International War Crimes Tribunal helping them establish a standard of evidence for victims of war atrocities. From his wealth of knowledge regarding complex trauma and his extensive training in mindfulness and forensic psychology, Dr. Brown brings us deep insight into how treatment from an attachment perspective can lead to significant and lasting healing. In this episode, TU87, we discuss: What is the complex trauma profile and what does it actually mean? What is its etiology? You’ll learn how re-constructing complex trauma as a branch off of disorganized attachment can allow for faster and more powerful treatment. We also discuss: Research findings that suggest that complex trauma is really disorganized attachment aggravated by later childhood abuse What Dr. Brown has learned through his experience as an expert witness in over 200 cases His research on sexual abuse through forensic testing, and how ideas behind the false memory claim and dissociative amnesia permeate The three pillars of treatment for attachment disorders (find out more about the three pillars in TU34 with David Elliott here!) Treatment on the anxious preoccupied side of the attachment spectrum (red side of the spectrum) and rectifying impaired self-development, chronic levels of anxiety, and chronic compulsive caretaking SPECIAL OFFER! Dr. Daniel Brown has just launched one of the most comprehensive online training programs available! You may want to take a deeper dive in your understanding of attachment or, if you are a clinician, you may want to earn 8 hours of CEU training. This will also help you be more prepared to help your clients heal trauma and attachment issues in your practice. Just click on link attachmentproject.com and put “UNCENSORED” in the code box to receive 10% off the cost of the courses Dr. Brown has to offer.   Daniel Brown’s Biography: Daniel Brown, Ph.D. is Associate Clinical Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School and has served on the faculty for over 38 years. As a senior meditation master, he’s trained and taught with top Indo-Tibetan Bon & Buddhist lamas for over 48 years, including lineage holders of some of the great schools of Buddhism. He is an author of 24 books, and winner of the several awards from the American Psychiatric Association and the American Academy of Psychiatry & Law for outstanding contribution to forensic psychiatry. As a legal expert witness, Dr Brown has testified in over 200 child abuse cases and served as an expert witness for the prosecutors at the International War Crimes Tribunal helping them establish a standard of evidence for victims of war atrocities. Dr. Brown co-developed The Attachment Project based on the foundations of his and Dr. Elliott’s award-winning book Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair. Together they developed the Three Pillars treatment method that has garnered praise across...
Jan 10, 2019
TU86: Mentalization and Regression, Responding to Listener’s Questions with Sue Marriott
32:41
Therapist Uncensored co-host Sue Marriott ends the year with an episode answering two great questions about mentalization, regression and attachment left by listeners. By the way she totally missed her co-host and partner in crime, Dr. Ann Kelley, who was out of town and could not make it work before end of year. Hi Ann! Can’t wait to have you back on air! In this episode, we discuss: Question 1: “If someone is so far on the blue spectrum, they are completely out of touch with emotions and needs and intimate relationships, trying to think of what the other person feels or staying curious seems almost impossible. It feels like mentalizing is too much to ask from that person. Is there something of an approach you can recommend prior to mentalizing, to basically make it even possible?” A recap on what mentalizing is and how it works – conscious and unconscious examples The Three Pillars model for treating secure attachment – mentalizing isn’t the only intervention. You need to work on gaining an agreement, or getting collaboration that this is even a goal. Also introducing safety via imagery or real relationships to move the person to a more secure, confident place to begin to open up and not be so righteous and certain. All this helps to move from certainty to curiosity – and curiousity helps with mentalization/mindsight/mirror neurons/reflective function…. Question 2: “How to deal with regression and attachment, especially when we are facing frustrating times and emotionally heightened situations? How do we avoid steering into the deep dark corner of your personal attachment which is making the relationship at risk? How do we secure ourselves or your partner?” Discussion of difference between regression and just having attachment insecurity as a whole, living in the blue vs. resorting to dismissiveness or avoidance due to current environmental or internal stressors. Noticing the signs of regression Learning about your triggers, patterns and warning flags of regression – know where your bones are buried. Make a map of your psyche so you can more fully trust yourself and know when not to trust your (usually very strong) reactions. Journaling is a great way to make your map and keep yourself on course. If nothing else, do this to continue to grow your secure coherent narrative towards integration. Integration protects relationships.   Resources from this episode: This video is a must watch even if you’ve seen the concept discussed before… Study it, learn it, use it in daily life. Please! More on Dan’s handmodel of the brain – Psychalive.  Healing Attachment Disruptions in Adults, Comprehensive Treatment and Repair by Dan Brown and David Elliott This is MUST HAVE book for your professional library. If it’s too dense… stay in touch we have a few options available soon for you from both Elliott and Brown…. Fun stuff to be announced soon. Minding Emotions Cultivating Mentalization in Psychotherapy – by Elliot Jurist Thank you to our brave listeners who allowed us to use their great questions – Sina from Berlin, Germany and Avy! Please uncensor yourself and leave us a message on our voicemail ! So fun!  Enjoying this episode? Then you’ll probably enjoy this previous publication as well, Reading Between the Lines, Attachment in the Classrooms with Linnno Rhodes Want to ensure we can keep it going and have more access to more content? Become a supporter of the show at http://www.patreon.com/therapistuncensored   Join the Conversation The easiest way to dive in is to like our Facebook – it’s an active page and there is even a private FB community where you can discuss directly with other listeners. Also, we do a bit on Twitter if that’s how you roll! And you can find a couple forays into videos on You Tube if ya can believe that? Finally, join our email list through the front page of our website (this gets you access to our private FB group if you want to sign up for that ...
Dec 21, 2018
TU85: Attachment in the Classroom with Guest Linno Rhodes
50:23
Using the science of attachment, mentalization and emotional regulation in the classroom, and in this case, adult learners. A look at the take-aways from a tour of relational science experts, guest Linno Rhodes joins co-host Dr. Ann Kelley as they look at applying the skills learned in one’s life and the workplace. Our guest today shares herself as a case example of how learning about the use of attachment science and how it affects one’s perceptions of co-workers, employees and students can change your life personally, and your effectiveness in the workplace. For her that meant the lucky adult literacy students she gets to work with. Therapist Uncensored co-host Ann Kelley joins guest Linno Rhodes to uncover the difficulties and nuances of adult education, with special attention to dysregulation, attachment and barriers like literacy. Rhodes and Kelley share personal experiences with adjusting their mindsets in regards to education and how these shifts can allow for tremendous personal growth. Linno was so enthusiastic about learning about the relational sciences in her own life that she went after and received a fellowship from The Victorian Adult Literacy Education Council in Melbourne Australia. With this she came to Austin and met Sue and Ann, and then traveled the US interviewing thought leaders on the relational sciences to bring back to Australia. Now that is enthusiasm + passion + savvy guts!! Check out her PDF presentation below that addresses mindsight, growth mindset versus fixed mindset, ideas to teach regulation, and lot’s of great suggestions that apply to many settings, not just education! In this episode, TU85, we discuss: Linno’s take-aways from her thought-leader attachment tour and bringing her best practices back to Victoria, Australia Her background, experience, and focus on adult education The trends in the classroom that impact the desire to learn, such as the barrier between literacy and illiteracy Some important factors in education such as tone, board preparation, greetings and eye contact Reframing learning as a growth mindset, instead of a fixed mindset The role of emotion regulation in the classroom Mirror neurons and their role in the classroom Teaching tools about the relational sciences (see powerpoint below) Resources from this episode: Linno Rhodes has worked in Adult Literacy Education for 15 years. Prior to this she worked with women and children escaping family violence. Through the 2017 Department of Education and Training Higher Education and Skills Group and the International Specialized Skills Institute she was awarded an International Vocational Training Practitioner Fellowship, which brought her to study in the US. Email: LinnoRhodes@gmail.com Reading Between the Lines-Seeing Invisible trauma – teaching and learning PDF Dweck, C. (2017) Mindset: Changing the Way You Think to Fulfill Your Potential. Random House, New York Olson,K. (2014) The Invisible Classroom. Relationships, Neuroscience and Mindfulness in School, Norton Rogers, C.R. & Freiberg, H.J. (1994). Freedom to Learn (3rd Ed). Columbus, OH: Merrill/Macmillan. Siegel, DJ (2012) Mindsight: Change Your Brain and Your Life. Scribe International Specialised Skills Institute http://www.issinstitute.org.au/ Olympic Adult Education www.oae.vic.edu.au Enjoying the podcast? Then you’ll probably enjoy this previous episode as well,  Why Do We Over (or Under) React? The Neurobiological Underpinnings of Attachment Categories. Join the Conversation The easiest way to dive in is to like our Facebook – it’s an active page and there is even a private FB community where you can discuss directly with other listeners. Also we do a bit on Twitter if that’s how you roll! And you can find a couple forays into videos on You Tube if ya can believe that? Finally, join our email list through the front page of our website  (this gets you access to our private FB group...
Dec 14, 2018
TU 84: Why Do We Over (or Under) React? The Neurobiological Underpinnings of Attachment Categories
55:28
Neurobiological differences can be detected between secure and insecure relating, and even between the two organized insecure patterns of attachment (Dismissing and Preoccupied)! Cool, huh!? In this Therapist Uncensored episode, co-hosts and real therapists Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP begin to the question – why are there only 3-4 categories established in the largest body of attachment research given the zillions of different experiences across the globe? We point to the neuroscience behind our attachment strategies that limit our biology in responding to stress and threat. This is cool because we can understand it and begin to gain mastery over our primitive reactions (& help regulate those close to us – quite a perk!). As always, we love to hearing from you! Uncensor you feedback, comments & discussion – get in touch, or better yet, leave us a live Voicemail that we can respond to by clicking the side button on our website (add your email to enable us to message back)! In this episode, TU84, we discuss: What is social engagement and what is the neuroscience behind it? The role of Oxytocin in positive interaction seeking behaviour Discrepancies in how information gets encoded between different partners can lead to difficulties with couples, especially with how future social information is encoded The link between attachment and threat The role of re-appraisal & neuroception The difference between emotional and cognitive mentalization How mentalization looks across the attachment spectrum Join the Conversation We primarily use Facebook and Twitter (@austinshrinks) This week’s question (for our private online Facebook group – join here if you are a neuronerd and would like interesting, supportive, non-solicitive engagement with other neuronerds!) Question: What 1-2 specific take-aways did you get from this episode? (ie. What do you want to remember or for other people to be sure to hear?) Explore these Resources from this episode: Neuroscience of Social Interaction and Adult Attachment Style – GREAT article! The Neurobiology of Infant Attachments – a list of articles Neurobiology of Social Interactions – for true nerds Liked this episode? Then you’ll probably enjoy this one, too Establishing Neurological Safety Through Relationships with Guest Bonnie Badenoch. Follow our Podcast Subscribe to Therapist Uncensored on any podcast player, there are TONS but here are links to:  iTunes, Android (Google Podcast app now supports all formats, it’s already on your Android phone) and Spotify  (this means epidsodes are downloaded automatically to your podcast player) You can listen via Alexa or Google smart speakers…  Check out our website to sign up for our email list (this gets you access to our private FB group if you want to sign up for that group). Tweet
Nov 30, 2018
TU83: Establishing Neurological Safety through Relationships with Guest Bonnie Badenoch
52:40
Learn about the natural neurobiology of co-regulation and it’s capacity to engage safety and heal trauma. In addition, this episode addresses the myth of self-regulation and how to re-engage interpersonal relationships if they’ve been neglected. Therapist Uncensored co-host Sue Marriott LCSW CGP chats with author and therapist Bonnie Badenoch about the concept of using safety to reshape your neural landscape through authentic relationships. Badenoch guides us through her progression of building a bridge between science and practice to cultivate the best therapeutic mind. You’ll learn how exercising “happy humility” and compassion can allow for an ideal presence in our day-to-day life using our autonomic nervous system. Also, special hats off to Steve Porges and polyvagal theory. 0:00-30:00 What creates safety? How do our internal systems want us to be received? Sympathetic activation happens when there’s a need to control something in light of an obstacle. Internal systems challenge to remain in an open and receptive state. Polyvagal theory and Steve Porges. How can we explore the relationship between safety and curiosity and best use the language of “safety,” versus “comfort” and “discomfort”, especially towards the beginning of therapy and in new relationships? Badenoch contends that there’s no such thing as a maladaptive experience; that humans are always adaptive and require co-regulation. What’s the difference between co-regulation and auto-regulation? Is there a “myth” of self-regulation? Discussion of ideal parent figure protocol. Badenoch explores the connection between co-regulation, neural circuitry and forging relationships in your life. 30:00-60:00 Social Baseline Theory is what happens to our perceptions when someone we trust is with us. The difficulty and pain of tasks is always reduced when we’re with a trusted beloved and this relaxes our amygdala response. Badenoch walks us through her experience of feeling safe during and between client sessions. It’s key to have mutual, caring, receptive relationships with people who are willing to listen rather than jump in and try to offer advice. Young therapists. Everyone’s doing the best they can with what they have in their neural make up but how can we embody a therapeutic presence in the world through compassion or a “happy humility”? Resources: A Symphony of Gifts From Relational Neuroscience (1) Excellent PDF from Bonnie Badenoch Being a Brain-Wise Therapist: A Practical Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology [2008] Badenoch  The Brain-Savvy Therapist’s Workbook [2011] Badenoch  The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships [2017] Badenoch The Heart of Trauma Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships by Steve Porges!   For our listeners! We’ve partnered with Audible so that our listeners get a free audio book and 30 days free membership, cancel at anytime! GET MY FREE BOOK HERE We are now part of Patreon! Become a Supernerd, an Out and Proud Supernerd or become a Platinum Neuronerd! 🙂  For as little as $1 a month you can join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Supernerds to gain private, more in-depth episodes AND to support production of this podcast to provide access to the science of relationships across the globe.   YES SIGN ME UP FOR PATREON, OR FIND OUT MORE, click here! Tweet
Nov 06, 2018
TU82: The Paradox of Masculinity with Guest Esther Perel
34:48
Can men be BOTH Relational and Masculine? It couldn’t be a more important time for thoughtful, honest, and provocative discussion on what it means to be a man in today’s culture. Perel makes a case that men are both harmed by the existing power structures and perpetuate harm by the codes imposed on them by all of us. In 2018 there are many contentious ideas about masculinity and “the male code” including confusion by men about how to hold themselves out as safe and masculine during this time of #MeToo and Kavanaugh. Esther Perel, named by Oprah as one of the 100 Supersoul visionaries joins Therapist Uncensored’s hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott in a daring discussion about the modern man at the precipice of historic mid-term elections in the United States. Can women discuss this without “womensplaining” and what is the difference? Well there certainly is… Find out by hitting play! Perel also gives a glimpse into the backstory of her next Sessions Live event, the Masculinity Paradox Second annual Sessions Live: “The Masculinity Paradox” sign up here. What is it – check it out below: Debates around patriarchy, gender equality, toxic masculinity, fatherhood and changing sexual dynamics surround us like fog, throwing us into an unusual time of transition, confusion and trouble. This one-day Sessions 2018 clinical event and workshop is built on the premise that if we support change in the emotional lives of men, it inevitably changes the lives of their partners. Drawing from psychology, trauma theory, family systems therapy, and anthropology, The Masculinity Paradox provides an essential multidisciplinary training on the current cultural crisis of gender relations — and its unique potential to change and improve the lives of all.   Episode notes: 00-20:00 Perel discusses her interest in the topic of men as well as the ability to discuss others in general and encourages women to talk about masculinity and men to talk about femininity. Perel previews what her “Sessions Live” events are like. Perel reflects on under/over-representation in certain fields and how she can better provide a platform for unheard voices. Perel’s definition of the modern man and modern masculinity as a win-or-lose mentality. Perel breaks down “the male code”. What are the pressures put on men in society and in relationships? 20:00-40:00 Expectations of change compared with ambivalence towards change. Emotional afflictions of women can be considered worse for men because society deems that they are not supposed to have these feelings. Like this and want to hear more?  Join our email list here, subscribe to Tunes here or leave us a voicemail on our website just click the button on the right, we may read or play your review on air, please rate and review us on your favorite podcast player, it helps so much!! Finally – this is really easy – join our Facebook page here to get updated popular articles on these subjects of interest. Check out our free YouTube video on using the attachment spectrum:  Modern Adult Attachment 101 to learn more Want more like this? Sexual Vitality 6 Principles of Sexual Health with Doug Braun-Harvey Resources: Masculinity Paradox livestream Where Should We Begin?  Esther Perel’s podcast Find here here: estherperel.com  How to fix the fights you are sick of having by Esther Perel The State of Affairs, Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel I’ve Had Better Audiobook by Esther Perel Sessions – a community for Couples Therapists Coaches and Educators Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life – Emily Nagoski       Tweet
Oct 24, 2018
TU81: How Good Boundaries Actually Bring Us Closer, with Guest Juliane Taylor Shore
50:25
How Good Boundaries Actually Bring Us Closer Interpersonal co-regulation requires boundary setting. Most of us haven’t been lucky enough to learn to be good at boundary setting naturally, by good examples, so we have to literally be taught how to do this important skill. Well today we are in luck! Jello will be your friend. 🙂 Therapist Uncensored co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott join the founder of IPNB Psychotherapy of Austin, Dr. Juliane Taylor Shore, in a discussion on interpersonal neurobiology and how it relates to boundaries. We’ll explore the three types of boundaries, how to co-create boundaries and how to stay regulated using internal mechanisms. After this podcast, you may very well be on your way towards building your own “Jello wall” and better co-regulating yourself when you’re overwhelmed! 0:00-25:00 Some background on Juliane Taylor Shore: Founder of IPNB Psychotherapy of Austin with interests in interpersonal neurobiology, neuroscience, philosophy, biology and physics. How are boundaries defined and what sort of connotations come with boundaries? How can the connection between boundaries and interpersonal neurobiology actually bring people closer? The Three Types of Boundaries External, Behavioral Boundary: “I don’t want to talk to you when you raise your voice at me.” Or “I’d love to see you but I can’t right now.” The concept of having to say “no”. Psychological Boundary: separation between people, difference between true self and parts of self (“air” between people, your truth and my truth are allowed to be different) “Jello Wall” Containing Boundary: (individually deeming what’s okay leading up to healthy shame) Boundary that stops you from acting out. Co-creating boundaries between two people is a great way to negotiate disagreements and find a middle ground. “Fucked up people will try to tell you otherwise, but boundaries have nothing to do with whether you love someone or not. They are not punishments, judgments or betrayals. They’re a purely peaceable thing. The basic principles you identify for yourself that define the behaviors you will tolerate from others, as well as the responses you will have to those behaviors. Boundaries teach people how to treat you and they teach you how to respect yourself.” – Cheryl Strayed (Author of Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail) “Jello wall”: Stop and slow down all the input coming towards you so you can ask, “Is this true or not true?” and “If it is, is this about me or not about me?” This allows you to view the world around you without getting hurt. Allows you space to reflect and be in your own system. The differences between the logical left brain and abstract right brain influence how they connect neural networks. Healthy shame is important to not beat one’s self up over establishing boundaries. Using young ones and animals to teach your inner protector parts to have a better containing boundary, relieving trauma by talking to your young self (you at four, sixteen, etc.) rather than beating your present self up. 25:00-50:00 Exploring the connection between attachment and interpersonal neurobiology. The anticipation of threat before setting a boundary and connecting to something after getting overwhelmed so that it’s part of your life narrative and not something that keeps popping up. The individual nervous system isn’t meant to survive being alone after trauma but we need co-regulatory nervous systems AND you can be your own co-regulatory system. You can start by building up your relationship with yourself and learning to trust your internal voices, neural networks or other people. Examples working through the three types of boundaries; Co-creating a boundary with a spouse over lack of communication. Turning down a panicked client when you’re totally booked. Having uncomfortable physical contact with an older family member when saying goodbye.
Oct 17, 2018
TU:80 Nervous Systems in the News: Dr. Blasey Ford, Sexual Trauma Stories and the Power of Patriarchy
24:17
Nervous Systems in the News Let's talk nervous systems in the context of the news. We joke around a lot on this show, but when it hits the fan we are serious therapists devoted to treating real people and all kinds of survivors. As women, as privileged humans lucky enough and wildly empowered enough to have a mic and thus a voice with an audience, and as survivors ourselves, we could not let the treatment of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford in the Kavanaugh hearing for his nomination for the Supreme Court pass without sharing our thoughts on what is happening from an attachment perspective. We give our best guess on what exactly people were responding to when they overwhelmingly called national and local hotlines in unprecedented numbers, told their stories, and overall agreed on Dr. Ford’s credibility from both sides of the political aisle. We speak in this moment not from a political perspective, but from a somatic, nervous system perspective. Something has stirred in the American public even different than the #MeToo movement, and we speak to it on this episode. We also touch on the science of memory, implicit and explicit, mirror neurons, stress hormones and threat responses and most importantly the power of patriarchy to harm both women and men. We also speak about what to do if you are triggered by these events and encourage you to reach out and get support. We send each of you man, woman, all political persuasions, all ages a message of connection and care. There is no place for power-over, dominance, sadism, silencing others, humiliation and condescension. But if we band together and protect anyone, of any party or gender that has a healthy enough nervous system and attachment organization to be able to connect, dialog, listen, debate respectfully, repair and have the COURAGE to share feelings in a way that is vulnerable and relatable, then we can turn this insecure selfcenteredness around. (Hint — blasting entire groups of people is not vulnerably sharing feelings, it is a power-over move. Use your mirror neurons to tell the difference, vulnerability begets empathy, rage begets fear or intimidation or a joining-with, get the pitchfork sort of group rage!). Learn to spot dominance and call it out as inscecurity – because it is. Instead support connection and relatedness ESPECIALLY in your leaders because those in power will try to squash them. Think of the nervous system. Health is integration of the left and right, not dominance of the left over the right. It’s not all LEFT, we can’t do anything without both working together. Hope you enjoy the bonus episode. Please please leave us a voicemail on our website www.therapistuncensored.com to let us know how we are doing. We play some of them on our show.   For discussion – https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/mar/08/women-challenging-patriarchy-one-podcast-at-time https://news.virginia.edu/content/your-brain-politics-neuroscience-shapes-our-views https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/politics-and-the-neuroscience-of-fear_us_5940e51de4b03e17eee08810 A Woman Called Into C-SPAN During the Kavanaugh Hearing. What She Said Is Absolutely Heartbreaking. https://neurosciencenews.com/blasey-ford-testimony-sexual-assault-9928/ https://www.inverse.com/article/49435-christine-blasey-ford-trauma-science https://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode/blasey-ford-spells-out-trauma-memory-formation/   Tweet
Oct 04, 2018
TU79: Attachment Spectrum and the Nervous System, Quick Review with Updates
27:41
A guide to secure relating and using the attachment sciences and regulation theory in your day to day lives. Today we review what we’ve discussed so far on the podcast about the attachment spectrum and add more detail about the nervous system. THANK YOU for getting us all the way to Season 3!! We continue to share our ideas on the practical use of attachment science and learning to manage our nervous system. Facebook Live October 8 11:30 am Central Time — Bless us with some attention here because we have never done this before but are taking the scary tech leap so that we can interact more directly, show you some stuff and we are just going to go feet first and are going to try it. Hope to see ya there! We have updated a few things on the show, and we are hoping to add some much needed help this fall and are excited about what is in store! So today we do a quick review of what we’ve covered before on the podcast and go over how to navigate our website and our various podcasting platforms, but we focus primarily on weaving in more nuance to the attachment spectrum. The spectrum comes from the research on infant to adult attachment that are profoundly supported in the literature. We work to make this dense science accessible in as clear and useful a way as possible that also weaves in as much neurobiology and regulation theory as possible. We go over the notion of listening for narrative. Not what people say but how we put ideas together, not what happened to us but what we’ve done with it. So for example a the notion of a coherent narrative, one that elaborates on one’s view of themselv in the world and can perspective-take and be curious and open to exploration and influence yet have a stable sense of one’s sense of self. This compared to insecure narratives that may restrict information in various forms in order to preserve a sense of safety. We also talk about the difference between states and traits, and focus primarily on states because that is something we can change. We review implicit/explicit learning. We support the notion of strategies of development instead of seeing this as insecurity, or pathology, or dysfunctional. This is also different than introversion/extroversion. We shift to discussing polyvagal theory or regulation theory and the ladder of regulation and how this relates to attachment. BLUE-RED-GREEN. Nervous system decoded. Hopeful message of change and connection and security!! Why we are doing this. Listener Comments – THANK YOU!!! Please leave us a message on our website www.therapistuncensored.com Facebook Live October 8 11:30 am Central Time — Bless us with some attention here because we have never done this before but are going to try it.  Resources: Attachment Disturbances in Adults Treatment for Comprehensive Repair (2016) Daniel Brown andDavid Elliott  Clinical Application of the Adult Attachment Interview Edited by Howard Steele and Mariam Steele Our favorite clinical reference for those that want to learn much more deeply about using the AAI to treat attachment and learn about its usefulness with various populations. Van Assche, L. et al “Attachment in Old Age: Theoretical Assumptions, Empirical Findings and Implications for Clinical Practice” Clinical Psychological Rev. 2013 Feb; 33(1): 67-81   Schore A “Back to basics. Attachment, affect regulation and the developing right brain. Linking developmental neuroscience to pediatrics” Pedal Rev. 2005; 26: 204-217.   Rees, C. “Childhood attachment,” The British Journal of General Practice, 2007, Nov. 1; 57(544): 920-922 Tweet
Oct 02, 2018
TU78: The Stress Response System (Attachment) Across the Lifespan – (Replay)
32:34
The Stress Response System (Attachment) Across the Lifespan How does your involuntary stress response system affect you throughout life? FAVORITE EPISODE!!! This one takes a wide-angle look at attachment throughout one’s life, discusses how one’s environment affects their system’s involuntary response to stress, and how that stress response system impacts us from infancy to the autumn years. In this episode, co-hosts Ann Kelley Phd and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discuss attachment across the lifespan, specifically looking at the elder years and how our attachment system affects us as caretakers of our parents or as the senior who may be undergoing the various losses inherent in aging. From toddlerhood, friendships, dating, mating, aging, and even through the dying process our stress response system governs how we manage these important transitions. As physical, mental and financial stress go up as we age, so does our need for security and people to nurture us. Attachment roles may reverse and understanding this deeply may provide openings for changes to close relationships. Neuroscience continues to document our ability to change and grow throughout our life. This episode takes a wide-angle look at attachment throughout one’s life, discusses how one’s environment affects their system’s response to stress, and how that system impacts us from infancy to the autumn years.  Learn how to adjust set stress “pathways” and move towards more secure relating in adult relationships, and also unravel the parallels that exist between attachment in infants and the elderly.   Show notes: 0:00-10:00 This is a replay, a fan favorite and Season 3 Starts in October. We are trying something new for Season 3 – A FB live office hours – Oct 8 11:30 central time, Q&A and demo of some of our ideas on attachment, join us on our public FB group there! We never re-listen to our episodes and this one we did… and to our surprise we LOVE it. Of course it’s deeply meaningful and a perfect way to end our break. We’ve had a few losses, some of which are hinted at here but we are in fact right in middle of the wash cycle of life being tossled around learning about this stuff in action. I guess there is no other way. So to re-listen was deeply meaningful and very touching to us. We hope you enjoy it as well. ___ Attachment overall: Our environment directly affects how our system responds to stress. How babies are responded to when distressed directly impacts the attachment relationship they develop. Involuntary stress response, HPA Axis Set Points: Cortisol level upon waking (stress response) impacted by attachment status and primary relationships. Even with positive relationships with mothers, surprising study where race of the child affects cortisol and set these kids up for more risk. Epigenetics. Insecure attachment is actually a very effective coping mechanism and strategy in children in stressful situations. It’s a strategy not a disorder! Keep cortisol level low – keep those you’re attached to close, eye contact, holding, tone of voice, self-soothing, interpersonal regulation. Alan Sroufe longitudinal study since 1976 10:00-20:00 “Pathways”: optimal and problematic routes Those with lower cortisol levels are more likely to ask for help. Early caregiving vs. friendship networks It’s possible to move pathways from insecure to secure, particularly with strong relationships Spiritual relationships: secure attachments to spiritual center or community can be a very healing, integrative place Adult attachment: voluntary relationships and reciprocally dependent, symmetrical not asymetrical like parent-child Couples therapy and getting people to try to turn to one another, idea of the “soft toss” Recognizing when partner is in a stress response as being “lost in familiar places” 20:00-32:00 The aging process: as we mature, we become more secure as we become less anxious regardin...
Sep 26, 2018
TU77: Understanding the Mind with Guest Dr. Dan Siegel (Replay)
58:58
Understanding the Mind with Guest Dr. Dan Siegel Deep discussion on how the current political, international and climate crises could be viewed as a chance to transform human connection rather than be seen from a place of doom. Dr. Siegel called for us all to become pervasive leaders – a great inspiration. Look for a new interview with Dr. Siegel coming soon on his new book, Aware. We will publish that very early into our next season which will be launched soon! Interview with Dr Dan Siegel, the father of Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB). Get a peak into his thoughts on building hope in our fear-based culture today, human kind across history and using this science to make changes individually and as a society. Sue Marriott LCSW and Patty Olwell LPC speak with Dr. Dan Siegel about the most recent finding in his new book, Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human (A New York Times Best Seller). Pervasive Leadership characteristics : Change your mental model of I and Thou. Act locally; think holistically. Enact empathetic stewardship Human history over time – Sapians – (see resource list). Homosapians have been killing their brothers and kin since the beginning of recorded time, so any current cultural unkindness is part of our hardwiring. We can rise above it, but first recognize it as human. Interpersonal neurobiology – coined by Dan Siegel in 1999 is a way of living and viewing the world with a set of principles that lead toward integration. Integration – combining distinct specialized functions that link and connect the specializations together, creating harmony. This is a view that can be utilized within one person and across couples, families, organizations and nations. In-group/Out-group discussion and Mindsight When a person is seen as the same, we have a natural resonance and empathy. If we feel safe we can extend that to those that appear Other. If we feel threat – even if we don’t know we are feeling it (nanoseconds of a threatening photo flashed, outside of our awareness) we respond strongly by turning off our empathy for the Out-group and turning up our response to the In-group. This is the explanation for what is happening here in the United States and Britain and many places around the world where genocides are occurring. Terror is driving this IN/OUT hostile behavior. With practice this can be changed. Say to yourself: My nervous system is making me treat the other person as an Out group member with more hostility, but that goes against my larger values of treating all human beings, all living beings with deep respect, as I would my In-group. We can rise above it. Rise above our brains initial proclivity towards bias and our mind to actively change how our brain ultimately carries out behavior – to be able to see the others mind and treat them as an in-group. Compassionately, fairly. Our leaders, people who run our country, organizations, educational institutions, clinicians, and people in positions to raise children… all have brains and minds that can overcome this biologic bias. We should see them as humans with limitations. Uninformed. They need safety to let down. FACES Flexible Adaptive Coherent Energetic Stable MWE = me in a body + we in connection to others and the planet Eudaimonia – Greek term that means life filled by meaning and connection and equanimity not from producing and consuming junk   Join our email list at www.therapistuncensored.com to access our private online community supporting the dissemination of the relational sciences to support healthy connections and relationships around the world!     RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Dr. Dan Siegel: The Mind, Journey to Heart of Being Human New York Times Best Seller Yuval Noah Harari: Sapiens A Brief History of Human Kind Dr. Dan Siegel: Wheel of Awareness and 3 free guided meditations Thread,
Sep 11, 2018
TU76: Behind the Scenes with Ann and Sue, Reflections and a Look Ahead
10:01
In this candid and more personal conversation than usual, Therapist Uncensored co-hosts Ann Kelley PhD and Sue Marriott LCSW CGP open up about the last year of podcasting and a few painful life events. Since they are therapists first, they typically keep themselves somewhat out and keep content forward. This is to protect patients that may be listening but also to keep the focus on the material the audience is tuning into to hear, the content. However during this break between seasons, they’ve had time to both prepare for next season and really get candid about where they are, which has been in some tough spots. They decided to share some of that in order to walk the walk and be candid and open with their audience about their own journey in this process. The show is about risk and transparency and vulnerability so if they are going to ask you to do that, then how in the world can they not do the same in kind? They also then go on to share their thoughts and excitement about things to come. They specify a few ideas, including how to make the podcast totally ad-free but still be able find a way to sustainably produce it (funding and time – family, work, kids etc.). One idea was to have an advanced track that was paid content where listeners who wanted more can pay per month for extra content to go in-depth, have direct access to Ann and Sue for questions in a time managed format like Vox, and create a community to have direct access to one another. Another idea was to do webinars and create classes, Ann especially wants to do one for couples. Regardless they have to find a way to support the production of the show and go more in-depth with material, since each podcast needs to be able to stand alone. It’s a dilema. Finally they practically beg you to give them feedback so your input is included in planning for Season 3. 🙂 Coregulation you know. PLEASE go to Therapist Uncensored and push the blue button to the right and leave a message. Or if you prefer, email info@therapistuncensored.com. They are already recording for next season and will begin Season 3 soon. Not sure when, no pressure on them please, but when it happens they’ll be in ship shape and ready to roll. In the meantime enjoy the replays! Remember everything so far is FREE and totally accessible to everyone! Like us on Facebook!   Get Your Therapist Uncensored Swag   Tweet
Aug 30, 2018
TU 74: Mentalizing – A Critical Component For Secure Relating With Tina Adkins (replay)
48:21
It’s not too late to develop security in yourself, your children and your relationships. With this skill, you can increase attachment security today even without a long-term relationship or years of psychotherapy. Dr. Adkins and co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP walk us through the steps. Mentalizing seems easy – but actually it is quite complex. Thinking accurately about our own and others minds is such a core skill that many consider it a pre-condition for self-soothing, empathy and other facets of emotional intelligence and social-emotional maturity. It is also something that one can learn at any time in life, so it’s never too late to improve in this capacity for yourself or your children! Mentalizing and Attachment Of course this is directly related to attachment styles, which is part of our interest. The coolest thing is that you don’t have to have even earned security to learn to do it and interrupt the unintended transmission of insecure relating! We now know that with short-term cognitive interventions we can teach this particular skill and that alone improves the attachment security outcome for children of high risk parents. This is exciting! When early caregivers are unable to reflect on their children’s state of mind, these kids do not receive the active and ongoing feedback they require to develop their own capacity of secure reflection. This is big, because without this skill they do not learn how to understand their own thoughts, feelings, and motivations, or the thoughts, feelings, and motivations of others. Mentalization is what enables us to develop a sense of identity and the capacity to understand both our own feelings and motivations; and those of others. Keeping Your Own and Others’ Minds in Mind Dr. Dan Siegel calls it Mindsight, it’s also been called Reflective Function and Metacognition, but it all basically refers to being able to accurately see your own mind as it works – body, feelings, thoughts, and other people’s minds as they are whirling away. It is the capacity to infer and predict attitudes, motivations, affect and feeling behind the thinking. The better we are at mentalizing the more likely we can securely relate. NOTE: You can be secure naturally with a history of attuned parenting probably by secure caregivers, but you can also “earn” security by working on it. The cool news is those with “Earned Secure” relating are actually better at mentalizing, most likely because of the work they’ve had to do on themselves. GO ALL OF US EARNED SECURE FOLKS!!! Dr. Adkins breaks down the concept and skills required, it’s simple but not as easy as it seems. Her work in the foster care system is truly revolutionary, but these skills can be applied to adoption, children in general, and adults wanting to improve on their feelings of insecurity in the world. Biography Tina Adkins, PhD, is a Research Associate at the University of Texas at Austin, School of Social Work. She completed her PhD in Theoretical Psychoanalysis under the direction of Peter Fonagy and Patrick Luyten at University College London and the Anna Freud Center, specializing in attachment based interventions for foster/adopted children and their families. Her work in London resulted in a promising psychoeducational intervention for foster/adoptive parents designed to increase their mentalizing skills. Her research and clinical work continue to focus on the development and assessment of mentalization in parents and families.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Tina Adkins: : Family Minds An Attachment-based Mentalizing Psycho-Educational Intervention for Foster and Adoptive Parents Tina Adkins: Why being reflective is so important for foster and adopted children Peter Fonagy (2015): Affect Regulation Mentalization and the Development of the Self J O Hagelquist, foreward by Peter Fonagy (2016): The Mentalization Guidebook Regina Pally (2017): The Reflective Parent – How to Do Less and Relat...
Aug 22, 2018
TU73: Building Grit Through Self-Compassion With Dr Kristin Neff (replay)
1:00:18
Self Compassion is an antidote to shame, the underpinning of narcissism.  It is fierce accountability that is core to psychological health… who knew?  Most of us think of it as being soft on yourself, but our guest will reveal the surprising power and science of self-compassion in this episode. Co-host Dr. Ann Kelley interviews Dr. Kristen Neff, an Associate Professor at the University of Texas at Austin and a foremost author and expert on Self Compassion. Self Esteem vs Self Compassion This is not feel-good, la-la, therapy-talk, it’s real science. Learn the important distinction between these two concepts and how one can lead to psychological instability, self-criticism, stress, competition and difficulty within ourselves, our relationships and our culture. You really want to get this right and may be surprised! Treating yourself as your own best friend. Misperceptions of Self Compassion It’s NOT a free pass, or being easy on yourself. It can be “fierce” and “protective” and “motivating.” Science shows that the warmth and support of self-compassion promotes health and increases the chances of success in accomplishing goals, whereas negative self talk and kicking one’s own butt doesn’t work because it creates a system of threat and self-sabotage. Steps to Self Compassion  Dr. Neff outlines the three elements of self-compassion: Mindfulness vs. Over identification:The first step is to be mindfully aware of ourselves and our emotions, but from a place of non-judgement. Common Humanity vs Isolation: The second step is to recognize the common humanity in our feelings and behaviors rather than seeing ourselves as the “best” or the “worst.” Recognizing that pain is a normal part of human existence, as is suffering and personal inadequacy. Self-kindness vs. Self-Judgment: Being kind to oneself rather than self-condemning, is at the core Self Compassion as an antidote to shame, the underpinning of narcissism Dr. Neff discusses research which highlights the increase in narcissism in our current culture. She highlights our culture’s tendency to be competitive and to place individual value as contingent on how we compare to those around us. This leaves us extremely vulnerability to the development of narcissism and other psychological difficulties. We discuss the importance of teaching self-compassion to our children and to maintaining an active, loving presence with oneself in order to build self-value without a need to downgrade or succeed over others. Self Compassion in our political climate Dr. Neff speaks frankly about her perceptions of the current political climate. She sees self and other compassion as essential to help our country deal with the discord and disharmony around us.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Kristen Neff:  (visit this it has tons of great resources including free mp3’s) Kristen Neff: Self Compassion Step by Step, The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (Audio CD) Brene Brown: The Gifts of Imperfection Karen Bluth, forward by Kristin Neff: The Self-Compassion Workbook for Teens Jean M Twenge and W. Keith Campbell: The Narcissism Epidemic Living in the Age of Entitlement Self Compassion Test  Brene Brown “courageously present” rather than “mindfulness” Horse BoyFoundation in Elgin, TX The House Boy movie  These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!   Tweet
Aug 15, 2018
TU72: Attachment Parenting Vs. Attachment Science – Clearing up Misconceptions
38:08
Attachment Parenting Vs. Attachment Science - Clearing up Misconceptions Finding the middle ground between constantly attending to your child versus letting them learn to self-soothe is a challenge that all parents must face. In this episode, Therapist Uncensored hosts, Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP, break down the difference between “Attachment Parenting” and the science of actual Attachment theory. They share key elements from research outcomes that surround many common misconceptions of applying the theory itself. You’ll learn that the ideals setup by Dr.William and Martha Sears and Richard Ferber might not fully translate in today’s world of parenting and that the way you respond to your child’s needs is a determining factor in how secure they will be later in life. Thank you to our sponsor!   Episode brought to you in part by Theranest, they help keep us on the air and being able to offset the costs of producing this show. Please visit their website and check out their services, you have nothing to lose and produUtivity to gain! We’ve arranged a deal to get 20%off your first 3 months to give you a chance to try it out. We know you don’t want to spend your time billing, you want to spend your time across from people you care about – clients, friends, family, your pets, whomever. But not the computer. Let them help you.U 0:00-10:00 Introduction Attachment Parenting is mostly associated with Sears & Sears Modern research shows that providing children love, kindness and responsiveness results in a more well adjusted person Attachment Theory: how a child learns that their primary caregiver can safely respond to them when they’re distressed Attachment parenting by Sears and Sears asserts the importance of the three B’s: Breastfeeding, Baby Wearing, and Baby Sleeping Attachment is a two-way process between parent and child 10:00-20:00 The three essentials for developing secure functioning Children use their caregiver to regulate their body until they can do it on their own Filling children up for exploration and being available for refueling rather than keeping children attached to you continuously Responsiveness doesn’t have to be so strict and can be attuned to your family’s needs Attunement builds secure attachment Children are resilient and will bounce back so don’t feel you have to follow all the rules, make it work for the parent-child dyad. Focus on attunement rather than strict adherence to a technique. 20:00-30:00 Babies sleeping through the night is not necessarily a sign of secure attachment Sleep training and Ferberizing is not necessarily allowing babies to “cry it out” but is a way of training them to sleep on their own. Research indicates that babies should not be sleep trained prior to 6 months of age Learning what your child’s cries mean helps you become attuned to them Putting children to bed prior to falling asleep allows them to learn to sleep on their own 30:00-40:00 Studies have shown that parent and child’s cortisol levels are both elevated at the start of sleep training but, over time the caregiver’s goes down as the child expresses less distress yet the babies often stay elevated. No shame parenting allows parents to respond to their children in a way that helps them grow Children need to learn to get distressed and cry and to be soothed be loving caregivers “Prepare the child for the path and not the path for the child” Wrap up and outro Resources The Attachment Parenting Book : A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Baby by William Sears and Martha Sears Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber Maternal Care, Gene Expression, and the Transmission of Individual Differences in Stress Reactivity across Generations by Meaney (20010) The Ferber method: What is it, and how does it affect babies? by Dewar (2017)
Aug 04, 2018
TU71: Speakably Sexy – Communicating to Make Sex Hotter and Relationships More Alive
37:25
Speakably Sexy – Communicating to Make Sex Hotter and Relationships More Alive What makes the ins and outs of sexuality so hard to talk aboout? It turns out, if couples do talk about sex, the conversation is often mostly about frequency. However, what is missing are the zillion of other thoughts and feelings we have about intimacy (or lack there of), desire (or lack thereof), fantasies (or lack thereof), pleasure (or lack therefo) and, oh yeah, the mechanics of sex as well. But don’t sweat it, in this episode Therapist Uncensored co-host Dr. Ann Kelley joins guest Dr. Susan Ansorge to talk about talking about sex. Learn to overcome the difficulties of opening up to yourself and your sexual partner about these very personal and understandably anxiety-filled conversations. Dr. Susan Ansorge is a practicing psychologist in Austin, TX. Her interest, training and experience in working with sexual issues began during her tenure as a staff psychologist at the UT Counseling and Mental Health Center, and has continued through her 17 years of private practice. Dr. Ansorge was also member of the Austin Women’s Psychotherapy Project, bringing leaders in the field of gender-aware Psychotherapy to the Austin area, as well as presenting locally and nationally on topics in the areas of gender and sexuality as they relate to psychotherapy. Her written work has appeared in the National Center for PTSD Quarterly. 0:00-10:00 Introduction General difficulties in discussing sex with your partner Learning to talk about talking about sex Desire discrepancy and more complicated questions/conversations about sex The difficulty in beginning a discussion that you are afraid might be hurtful to your partner   10:00-20:00 How best to get dialogue going with your partner about desires and likes/dislikes When and where is the right place and time for the right conversation about your shared sex life? How sex is initiated and finding a compatible middle ground Desires and fantasies can often be considered taboo, but fantasies can also be a gold mine of communication Difference in fantasies between men and women, women of different ages   20:00-30:00 The element of novelty in women’s fantasies and element of pleasing their partner in men’s fantasies Part of women’s fantasies is being desired Caretaking and nurturing is counterintuitive to sexual narcissism Avoiding arousal/desire censorship   30:00-40:00 How to bring up talking about sex to one’s partner and using available resources Appreciating one’s partners perspective just like in any communication setting Wrap up and outro   Resources Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel, former guest on our show. The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin  Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex: Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship by Laurie B. Mintz Come as You Are by Emily Nagosaki We appreciate our sponsor TheraNest! Our show is not just for mental health professionals AT ALL, but if you are a mental health professional, you will appreciate our sponsor as well! Most of us do not want to spend our time on the business aspect of our practice. TheraNest is a practice management software that will help you streamline and manage your entire practice with ease. They provide HIPPA compliant documentation, full-featured calendar (even with text reminders!), insurance and client billing, credit card processing and live customer service. Ourlisteners receiving 20% discount on first three months if you sign up with TheraNest.com/Therapistuncensored. Please click above and check it out. Want to support this work and stay in touch? The best way to stay in touch right now is to join our Facebook page (click here) where we post more frequently – also find our private FB page by joining the public one!
Jul 24, 2018
TU70: Challenge Your “Busy” Identity – Gain Consciousness Over Your Pace
40:07
Challenge Your “Busy” Identity – Gain Consciousness Over Your Pace Do you use a to-do list as a way to justify the need to be busy rather then the other way around? Idleness can breed discomfort and busyness seems to help to fill in the gap. Learn how conscious busyness and idleness can generate cognitive health and happiness, while unconscious busyness just adds to the stress trap. As real therapists, we challenge you to not believe what you think. Inquire. It’s healthy to question the stories you tell about yourself and the world… update your model. Check out your story. See if what you tell yourself is still true, or has ever been true. If it’s right there is no problem in questioning, but if you are in a mental rut you wouldn’t know it unless you cache the map and look again. In this episode we ask you, has being busy become an identity, a badge of honor, or is it simply a fear of being idle? Perhaps an antidote to loneliness? A way to be needed? A VIP? Are you choosing your schedule or feel as if you are being handed it? Is that true? 🙂 Dive deep into an exploration of how our relationship to busyness can distance us from ourselves and those around us. Therapist Uncensored co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss how a sense of urgency, a desire for a sense of importance, stress, and discomfort are all interrelated in dealing with idleness in your everyday lives. We’ll talk about how you can keep your mind engaged in moments of idleness and how you can make the most of your resting state by truly being idle or through purposeful activity. 0:00-10:00 Introduction Why do our minds want to be busy? How is being busy a culturally dictated status symbol? Choice and sense of urgency effect Purpose, busyness and stress The psychological discomfort of idleness despite the natural, evolutionary desire to choose it 10:00-20:00 Choosing idleness as a primal need to conserve energy Natural aversion to idleness without purpose The appeal of mindfulness through its intent to bring you something Keeping your brain busy with new skills keeps it healthier in the long run (processing speed, episodic memory) 20:00-30:00Differentiating being full vs. being busy Importance vs. urgency Your brain is always working, even (or especially) in idle times How best to use your resting state 30:00-40:00Learn to be idle rather than occupy your idle time OR move and be active (purposeful l idleness vs. purposeful activity) Boredom and stimulation, meaning and purpose Wrap up and outro   Resources: Being busy may be good for your brain! Smithsonian Magazine.  The Challenges of the Disengaged Mind  The Busier the Better: Greater Busyness Is Associated with Better Cognition   We appreciate our sponsor TheraNest! Our show is not just for mental health professionals AT ALL, but if you are a mental health professional, you will appreciate our sponsor as well! Most of us do not want to spend our time on the business aspect of our practice. TheraNest is a practice management software that will help you streamline and manage your entire practice with ease. They provide HIPPA compliant documentation, full-featured calendar (even with text reminders!), insurance and client billing, credit card processing and live customer service. Ourlisteners receiving 20% discount on first three months if you sign up with TheraNest.com/Therapistuncensored. Please click above and check it out. Want to support this work and stay in touch? Join our email list, subscribe to Tunes here or join our Facebook page here to get updated popular articles on these subjects of interest. Biggest help of all is to leave us a review, they are so useful as we go forward fine-tuning what is most helpful for our audience and it literally inspires us to keep going in this hobby of love! New to all this? Start with Episode 59-61 for the Spectrum of Attachment and how to use the research in day to day settings,
Jul 19, 2018
TU69: Exploring Intersecting Genders – What We Can All Learn with Guest Li Brookens
50:48
Exploring Intersecting Genders - What We Can All Learn Walk through the discovery experience of coming to understand yourself as transgender and see how coming to truly discover and embrace yourself relates to everyone, not just those who identify as non-binary. Therapist Uncensored co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP joins Umbrella Collective founder, clinical social worker, psychotherapist and parent Li Brookens in a lively discussion on recognizing the complexities (and social implications) of defining oneself as non-binary. They discuss what therapists need to know in working with these populations, and share great resources to follow up. Their sweet conversation captures the human development across ages to the struggle and pride of landing in a place with oneself that feels like home. They also talk about how to differentiate terms like gender and sex and the importance of a non-binary conception when discussing identity. We think you’ll enjoy it and learn something no matter your gender identity! WHO IS LI? Li Brookens is a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), certified group psychotherapist (CGP), and clinical hypnotherapist providing psychotherapy for individuals, couples, and groups in Boulder, Colorado. Li is the founder of their group practice, the Umbrella Collective that specializes in psychotherapy for your intersecting identities. Li has advanced skills in working with LGBTQ+ identities, young adults, and groups. Li works collaboratively with clients weaving together modern psychodynamic theory and postmodern therapy using a social justice lens that centers on marginalized identities. “I believe that each client I work with has an inner knowing that is seeking to be uncovered. I see my job as helping my clients excavate that knowledge so they can empower themselves to make meaningful changes in their lives.” 0:00-15:00 Introduction Li’s own experience growing up, maturing and discovering their gender identity as non-binary 15:00-30:00 Removing binary thinking from identity and opening up a world for identity Counter transference Defining “cisgender”, transgender as anyone who transgresses gender norms Gender assignment vs. sex assignment, sexual orientation, sex role Non-gender specific pronouns such as “they” 30:00-50:00 Preferred terms vs defining terms; it’s not a preference, it just is. Addressing being trans in a general therapy sessions Gender dysphoria Having a problem with anxiety vs. having anxiety about having a problem Resources, how best to address transgender people as therapists, familiarizing yourself with the gender spectrum Wrap up and outro   References/Resources: The Colonized Mind: Gender Trauma and Mentalization by Sarah Silverman – excellent clinical article from therapists perspective, one of Li’s favorite’s! WPath.org (World Psychological Organization for Transgender Health)    THIS IS A MUST SEE -Ethical Standards, be familiar with these if you are a therapist. Great resource! Gender Spectrum for families Another awesome resource, this has tons of great material for anyone interested in learning more! Share freely. Umbrella Collective – how to get in touch with Li Brookens KUT Views & Brews: “Being Trans in Texas Today” We appreciate our sponsor TheraNest! Our show is not just for mental health professionals AT ALL, but if you are a mental health professional, you will appreciate our sponsor as well! Most of us do not want to spend our time on the business aspect of our practice. TheraNest is a practice management software that will help you streamline and manage your entire practice with ease. They provide HIPPA compliant documentation, full-featured calendar (even with text reminders!), insurance and client billing, credit card processing and live customer service. Our listeners receiving 20% discount on first three months if you sign up with TheraNest.com/Therapistuncensored.
Jul 10, 2018
TU68: Separation at the Border – Compounding Trauma and Insecurity
22:46
Separation at the Border – Compounding Trauma and Insecurity “Security” at the border? Relational science professionals have a lot to offer to understand the human rights event that is unfolding on the US-Mexico border. This podcast has been all about promoting security in ourselves and our loved ones, and a primary component to this is access to your caregiver when you are young. It effects our biology, or persistent sense of ourselves and our view of the world. But it works both ways… Stress and fear that is ongoing also has the same persistent thumbprint as well. The consequences of forced separation on top of the stressors many of these immigrant children have already endured may well have lifelong impact on their body and minds, and we will talk about why and how this occurs. Regardless of your political leanings, the separation of immigrant children from their parents from any international border is a distressing situation. We’ll discuss the specifics and its impact on human development, particularly toxic stress, broken trust and the epigenetics of these biological imprints. We will also provide things you can do to manage stress yourself, and to help at the border if you are moved to do so. 0:00-5:00 Introduction Overview of situation on the United States-Mexico border and its impact on human development 5:00-10:00 Biology of your body wanting to return to a “safe haven” when threatened Attachment, separation and child development 10:00-15:00 Separation of children from attachment figure and its mental strain, toxic stress and its impact on the bodies Biological impact of trust and lack thereof 15:00-20:00 The epigenetics of broken trust and toxic stress Dysregulation of parents who’ve lost their children 20:00-25:00 Secondary stress, unregulated cortisol in any situation can be harmful eventually. Call to mindfulness, and action as a thoughtful response. It’s ok to down regulate by filtering news and social media, take care of yourself until you can act. It’s a privilege but when you keep your heart on-line and stay mindful you can be more effective. Wrap up and outro We appreciate our sponsor TheraNest! If you are a mental health professional, you will too! Most of us do not want to spend our time on the business aspect of our practice. TheraNest is a practice management software that will help you streamline and manage your entire practice with ease. They provide HIPPA compliant documentation, full-featured calendar (even with text reminders!), insurance and client billing, credit card processing and live customer service. Our listeners receiving 20% discount on first three months if you sign up with TheraNest.com/Therapistuncensored. You can click above and check it out. Resources: Separation is Never Ending Attachment is a Human Right, Psychology Today Jesse Borelli Blog and Co-authored by Alicia Lieberman, Anna Maria Speranza, Anne Rifkin-Graboi, Carlo Schuengel, Charles Zeanah, Daniel Siegel, Dante Cicchetti, David Pederson, Debby Jacobvitz, Elizabeth Carlson, Erik Hesse, Frances Nkara, Gottfried Spangler, Howard Steele, Jean-François Bureau, Jessie Borelli. Jody Todd Manly, Jude Cassidy. Judith Solomon, Karlen Lyons-Ruth, Kazuko Behrens, Kristin Bernard, L. Alan Sroufe, Marian Bakermans-Kranenburg, Marinus van IJzendoorn, Mary Dozier, Mary Main, Mary True, Miriam Steele, Naomi Bahm, Pasco Fearon, Pehr Granqvist, Peter Fonagy, Robbie Duschinsky, Robert Weigand, Ruth Goldwyn, Samantha Reisz, Sheree Toth, Sheri Madigan, Sophie Reijman & Susan Spieker https://www.npr.org/2018/06/29/624789871/president-trumps-new-plan-isnt-to-separate-migrant-families-but-to-lock-them-up What to do? Many of us have the undeserved privilege of being able to modulate intake of news and social media to reduce our sense of overwhelm. We aren’t against this, we are just acknowledging that some people cannot tune out the traumas occurring in their lives...
Jul 02, 2018
TU67: A Practical Technique to Calm and Confidence with Guest Richard Hill
45:35
A Practical Technique to Calm and Confidence with Guest Richard Hill Calm the chaos of your mind by trying out these ideas and this technique with yourself or if you are a clinician, your patients. The Mirroring Hand technique teaches you to use your natural problem solving to manage stress and anxiety and cultivate calm. In this episode we dive into practical techniques for building your own growing edge and using your natural felt-sense of security. Discover how to tap into your inner wisdom and calm by using curiosity about your own body to cultivate focus and healing. Join psychotherapist and author Richard Hill in an over-the-pond discussion with co-host Dr. Ann Kelley about the essentials behind his “mirroring hands” technique to treat dysregulation and self-defeating patterns. Guest Richard Hill is a practicing psychotherapist, author, and educator. He is President of the Global Association of Interpersonal Neurobiology Study’s (GAINS), director of the Mindscience Institute, and managing editor of The Neuropsychotherapist. He has published several books (see show notes for titles and links), as well as numerous articles, journal papers and book chapters. If you are interested in more on treatment and the body check out our Mindfulness section and most recently, check out our interview with Dr. Pat Ogden, of the Sensorimotor Institute: Episode 65 0:00-15:00 Introduction Understanding security as a natural sense of well being. How does a person/patient actually know if they’re okay or not? It’s not controlled by our cognitive understanding but is a natural, felt sense – working with traumas, understanding the functionality of a system even if there are unhealthy tendencies How to bring healing and hope into internal systems, “The healing state”: disruptive consciousness vs. integrating state Three fundamental elements of natural problem solving and healing: 1) Focus attention 2) Move into a state of curiosity 3) Nascent possibility — Mirroring hands technique demonstration 15:00-30:00 Mirroring hands continued – Problem of the therapeutic process getting in the way of clients working, the healing has to occur within physically feeling “the need” 30:00-45:00 Hill’s anecdotes about patient experiences with mirroring hands The key is helping someone find a focus and become curious The three frames of curiosity The idea of mindfulness and the “sunset”   RESOURCES: Richard Hill Contact:  www.richardhillau.com The Practitioner’s Guide to Mirroring Hands: A Client-Responsive Therapy that Facilitates Natural Problem-Solving and Mind-Body Healing by Richard Hill and Ernest Rossi. Hill is also President of the Global Association of Interpersonal Neurobiology Studies (GAINS), director of the Mindscience Institute and, Managing Editor of The Neuropsychotherapist. His other books include, Choose Hope, Discover the Magic Within and How the ‘Real World’ Is Driving Us Crazy! as well as numerous articles, journal papers and book chapters. Affect Regulation and the Repair of the Self (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) Alan Schore, one of the fathers of interpersonal neurobiology. Want to support this work and stay in touch? Join our email list, subscribe to Tunes here or join our Facebook page here to get updated popular articles on these subjects of interest. Biggest help of all is to leave us a review, they are so useful as we go forward fine-tuning what is most helpful for our audience and it literally inspires us to keep going in this hobby of love! Be sure you’ve checked out our free video, Modern Adult Attachment 101 to learn more and to easily share the basics of this science and what to do with it with others!   Tweet
Jun 25, 2018
TU66: Lessons from the Single-Not-Dating World on Using Attachment Science in Real Life, with Guest Becki Mendivil
52:53
Afraid of interacting at work? Candid and hilarious conversation about how the relational sciences translates to work and parenting, by a single-not-dating listener ready to challenge the premise. Are you sick of hearing about relationships but interested in attachment? (Or want to deepen your understanding of real world application of the science while you have a good laugh??!  All the single listeners (think Beyonce!) heads up. We are going to break down attachment theory and apply the cool science for all of us…. Continuing in the series on adult attachment, co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP joins Becki Mendivil in a spunky wild conversation about how attachment affects someone who isn’t in a romantic relationship nor is seeking one, but simply as an individual and a human being. We’ll chat about personal experiences with attachment with a wide array of anecdotal examples and dive into the essentials of not remaining in one spot on the attachment spectrum. Becki is self-described as “very blue” so this episode is especially great for those that linger on the avoidant end of the spectrum. Just try not to laugh and learn as it unfolds! If you like this you’ll want to be sure and listen to our attachment series, check out Therapist Uncensored home page  and scroll down to the attachment category. Recent episodes 58, 59 and 60 will catch you up to speed! Introduction The problem of assuming someone’s in or seeking a romantic relationship when discussing adult attachment Becki’s giving Therapist Uncensored hosts the what-what on how she reads what we’ve said so far Generational transference of attachment 15:00-30:00 Becki’s experience in listening to the avoidant attachment episode of Therapist Uncensored Seeing the light! Becki’s exeriments to test if this model is actually useful or not. Daughter example. Empathetic silliness unfolds. Sue’s anecdote about her son and changes in attachment Becki affecting change in her physical isolation at work – confronting Sue on therapizing her 🙂 30:00-45:00 Becki’s wild move towards interacting more directly with peers (!) Avoiding attachment labels/categories as strict definitions of a person Navigating up and down the spectrum of attachment in response to varying types of threats 45:00-60:00 Attachment disruptions Idea of the “corkscrew” Wrap up and outro   Resources: Adult Attachment Styles in the Workplace – Harms, 2011 article Integrating attachment syle, vigor at work and extra-role performance at work -Little, et al 2011 article Individual differences in Work-Related Well Being, the Role of Attachment 2014 Get in Touch     Tweet
Jun 04, 2018
TU65: Sensorimotor Psychotherapy – Tuning Into the Wisdom of Your Body With Guest Dr. Pat Ogden
54:19
Sensorimotor Psychotherapy We have unconscious stories about ourselves and the world held in our mind/body. Learn how becoming curious about your body can have a huge impact on your sense of self.  Body attunement + conscious reflection (left/right, top/bottom integration) are hallmark markers of secure functioning. Tap into your own body as a deep and abiding source of information and means of finding self-understanding and closer connection through sensorimotor psychotherapy. Guest Dr. Pat Ogden is a pioneer in somatic psychology, co-founder of Hakomi, founder of the Sensorimotor Institute, and author of several book on Sensorimotor Psychotherapy (see show notes for links). She joins co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP in a discussion of the principles of sensorimotor therapy which is informed by the richness of developmental psychology, neuro-affective research, and mindfulness. Very importantly, they also get into a thoughtful discussion of multiculturalism and implicit unconscious majority bias in the mental health field. The natural healing force within each one of us is the greatest force in getting well.  –Hippocrates  The body always leads us home . . . if we can simply learn to trust sensation and stay with it long enough for it to reveal appropriate action, movement, insight, or feeling. — Pat Ogden   0:00-15:00 Intro, Pat’s initial interest in psychotherapy, somatic therapy and the polyvagal theory Rhythm and attunement through yoga and dance The importance of mindfulness in relation to the body, posture as an indicator, philosophical principles   15:00-30:00 The body as a source of knowledge and information Interconnectedness of principles, understanding “unity” across different cultures Gene expression, cortisol levels upon waking and collapsed/immobilized posture Understanding trauma from a white dominant perspective and marginalized perspective   30:00-45:00 “Window of tolerance”, the modulation model, finding the middle ground between hyper arousal and threshold of any arousal Trying not to stick with formula when understanding an individual Implicit bias, identifying racism Key principles   45:00-60:00 Decoding humility as therapists Advice for non-therapists Identifying ailments in your body and actually doing something to correct it rather than just hoping it’ll get better (e.g. posture, breathing, etc.). Keeping mindfulness in the body in the moment. Become curious about your body. Wrap up and outro Like this and want more? Dive deeper by checking out the resources below: Resources: Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Interventions for Trauma and Attachment by Pat Ogden & Janina Fisher Trauma and the Body A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy by Pat Ogden et al Sensorimotor Institute – articles and resources, Pat Ogden Director and Founder Accessing the Healing Power of the Vagus Nerve Self-Help Excersizes for Anxiety Trauma Depression and Autism by Stanley Rosenberg Want to support this work and stay in touch? Join our email list, subscribe to Tunes here or join our Facebook page here to get updated popular articles on these subjects of interest. Biggest help of all is to leave us a review, they are so useful as we go forward fine-tuning what is most helpful for our audience and it literally inspires us to keep going in this hobby of love! Be sure you’ve checked out our free video, Modern Adult Attachment 101 to learn more and to easily share the basics of this science and what to do with it with others!     Tweet
May 25, 2018
TU64: Mindfulness Meditation with Yoga Therapist Kelly Inselmann, Bonus Episode
18:14
Enjoy a straight shot of Kirtan Kriya Meditation from Kundalini Yoga Instructor and Therapist, Kelly Inselmann. Lose your inhibitions, roll up the windows so no one can hear you and go for it. Coolness and calm on the other side. Mindfulness literally soothes our nervous system and teaches us to manage our mental shenanigans. This is a straight up super cool mindfulness meditation exercise called a Kirtan Kriya Meditation. Try it and repeat. And repeat again. It’s vulnerable but seriously, do it with her. It works. TU 63: Living with Cancer – The Six Principles of Emotional Healing with Guest Kelly Inselmann TU 52: Using Mindfulness, Movement and Yoga to Manage Arousal, with Guest Kelly Inselmann Tweet OK friends if you have found the bottom of these show notes then you are our people.  Find us on Facebook @austinshrinks and from there, join for free our discussion community. If that is not enough, consider purchasing our signature (4 hour!!) course and use "ourclan" to get a discount on enrollment.  It's Not Me It's My Amygdala Advanced Course Connecting the Science of the Mind to the Amygdala  Finally, we invite you to join our patron Neuronerd community for some occasional bling and behind the scenes stuff, as well as helping to keep us Ad-Free!!!   Thanks for stopping by - we really appreciate you and hope this show provides even a tiny inspiration. xo Need CEU's??  We've got you covered, use OURCLAN for 10% off – It's Not Me It's My Amygdala – Advanced Course Connecting the Sciences of the Mind to Everyday Relationships FOUR hours of quality content and 3 CE's available to professionals. Since you are this deep into our show notes, then you are indeed one of our peeps and thus invited to be part of our clan  GET 10% off this signature course by using code OURCLAN!  – To get more of this kind of in-depth discussion with quality content and real-world healing – join us on FB where you can find more of your peeps.  Want even more than that?  Join our Neuronerd Patreon community at patreon.com/therapistuncensored for as little as $5 per month.   Join us now.
May 16, 2018
TU63: Living with Cancer – The Six Principles of Emotional Healing with Guest Kelly Inselmann
40:30
Cancer sucks, no way around it. If you have it, had it or are supporting someone who does, this episode will be nourishment for you by bringing your mind and body into the healing and recovery process for cancer and trauma is so important. Fighting cancer is often traumatic physically, emotionally and relationally. Podcast host Dr. Ann Kelley joins therapist and Yoga Instructor Kelly Inselmann (LCSW, C-IAYT,CGP) as she shares her personal journey through cancer recovery and describes her passion and process in supporting others to find hope and healing while in this compromised state. They discuss how modifying the six principles of emotional recovery into the basic principles of yoga can have an immense impact on well-being and recovery. This episode provides insight both for those directly experiencing the trauma of cancer and for those who love and support them. As a Bonus, Kelly leads our listeners through a 12 minute Kundalini meditation called Kirtan Kriya. This is published as a stand-alone bonus episode so that you can use it as a resource in your own daily practice. TU 63: Show Notes 0:00-10:00 Introduction and recap on previous yoga podcast Activating the body to heal the mind through yoga How trauma not only affects the mind but the body as well. Importance of making people feel safe in their bodies in the moment and tolerate their sensations Association with previous sensations with your body, both positive/pleasure and negative/pain Equipping yourself with the tools to negotiate all your bodily sensations outside of yoga class Power of mental mantras, knowing your true self, “sat nam” 10:00-20:00 Inselmann’s own journey with Stage 3 breast cancer and recovery, how she translated that to her own teachings Finding the balance between seizing the day and really appreciating every moment through taking it slow 20:00-30:00 Modifying the basic elements of yoga to fit you, be it for cancer, trauma, etc. JoyBootsForCancerSurvivors.com & KellyInselmann.com Yoga as a tool for emotional recovery Phenomena of depression once physical recovery is completed Six principles of emotional recovery 1) Just being with what is right now, physically, emotionally and mentally. You have to feel it to heal it. Finding a therapist specifically for your caregiver to walk through process in their own way 2) Finding the medicine and healing even when there is discomfort, learning to ask for help. 30:00-40:00 3) Grab a fistful of prana and accept what the universe has to offer you and bring it in. 4) There are gifts even in our physical limitations. 5) Cultivating your own prana/energy. Finding the right movement, meditation, food, habits to harvest energy 6) “Joy boots”. Hold on to memory of movement practice and using it as a somatic marker. If yourself from that memory wouldn’t feel good doing something you’re doing now, avoid it. Check out our bonus episode, a 12-minute track of a high-quality mediation specifically for you, our listeners. Thank you Kelly for this offering! Click here to hear that Bonus Meditation.  Who is Kelly Inselmann:  Kelly is a psychotherapist and Kundalini yoga instructor in Austin, TX and Sue is super-thrilled that she is also a Certified Group Psychotherapist. She is the founder of cutting edge Yoga and Talk Therapy groups, classes, workshops, and retreats to help cancer survivors recover emotionally and reclaim their vitality. More information at www.kellyinselmann.com Want more like this? Check out our free YouTube video Modern Adult Attachment 101 to learn more –  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PF7g4K8fDvo Like this and want to hear more? Find our free YouTube video Modern Adult Attachment 101 it’s very sharable and easy to understand, but tons of info and lot’s of fun!  Send to your avoidant or preoccupied partner or therapist or sister-in-law 🙂 Join our email list here,
May 10, 2018
TU62: The Luv Doc – Dating and Relationship Advice from the Trenches with Dan Hardick
51:44
Get Dan Hardick’s irreverent and bitingly honest insights on the dating scene and relationships that survive. Also known as the Luv Doc, he provides a unique view with his decades of experience editing Personal Ads and giving cringe-worthy dating advice with his column in the Austin Chronicle. Great insights and rowdy fun. Today’s episode may shock, offend or entertain (we are uncensored, remember?), but we are excited to keep it real by bringing in a real-guy from the trenches of the dating world. Columnist Dan Hardick, the beloved “Luv Doc” from the Austin Chronicle has seen it all. He sheds light – I guess thats what he’d call it – on the dating scene and relationships from the unique position of having decades of experience editing the Personal Ads and eventually morphing into the Luv Doc, a humorist dating advice columnist. Cohosts Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott interview the Doc about his unique experience listening to the lives and troubles and fantasies of Austin’s singles. They tie in attachment sciences but it’s even stronger to hear insights from this life expert. With wit and vulgarity, Dan shares some things that haven’t changed from the old style personal ads. Find out how people make assumptions about others and tend to overestimate themselves when finding a partner. Bottom line: based on your dating profile, would you date yourself? Have fun with this one and check out his column below! Episode notes from TU63: 0:00-15:00 personal ads in the 1980s and transitioning to dating apps and hook up lifestyle of today excerpts from some of his columns followed by frank discussion. 15:00-30:00 the difficulty in listing who you are and what you want in a succinct profile – the disconnect between who people are and who they see themselves to be. down to earth advice including entering environments where you may find the type of partner you’re seeking, be the kind of person you would like to date. Therapist spin plays off the real world of dating, lot’s of insightful suggestions and insights 30:00-45:00 complex idea of respect within self, sexual partner, self esteem, giving and earning respect, valuing what is available in the varied relationships. Importance of honesty in providing support/advice/feedback, even with difficult opinions 45:00-60:00 Increasing authenticity to avoid threat in intimacy and honesty in a relationship Wrap up and outro Resources: Luv Doc – Truth Telling’ : Being diplomatic isn’t being deceptive… OK the above link is a recent article by Luv Doc – be sure and let yourself (lose valuable time to a vortex of clicking) peruse the hyperlinks. Caution those w/ ADD! It’s as entertaining and informative as it is plain weird, but you’ll really get the feel of Hardick only by truly perusing. And don’t miss that the advice is actually valuable you just have to unwrap it from it’s irreverence. The Luv Doc Austin Chronicle archives Fingerpistol’s Dan’s hot and happening band Check out this video Still in Texas to get a feel for the real thing! Single but Dating – A Field Guide to Dating in the Digital Age   by Dr. Nikki Goldstein RECENTLY RELEASED – See our free Modern Adult Attachment 101 video here!!!     Tweet
May 01, 2018
TU61: It’s Not Crazy; It’s a Solution to an Unsolvable Problem – Disorganized Attachment
36:06
Disorganized Attachment Let's talk about the elusive 4th category of adult attachment, disorganized attachment, and how this state of mind relates to everyone, no matter your trauma history. Dropping into overwhelm and disorganization happens to everyone at times, and some more than others. When we have been exposed to serious danger, unresolved fright or major loss in such a way that it interferes with healthy coping patterns, we are left to our own to manage the world. In research terms they call this disorganized or unresolved, but we’d like to describe it as squirting squid ink to confuse who we think is the predator and making a run for it. Wrapping up this 3-part series focusing specifically on adult attachment, Ann Kelley PhD and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discuss how this style of attachment forms and how it appears in adult life. Start the series here with episode 59 on dismissing attachment, Are You Cool or Just Cut Off  and then go to Episode 60 and Anxious Attachment. Finally, listen here to learn how to organize yourself internally and externally. Learn how to adjust back into an organized state and conquer your disconnection through focusing on yourself and building and deepening relationships. We’ll talk about how pockets of disorganization and trauma permeate in life and how increasing your bucket can improve your ability to move across the attachment spectrum and establish coherence. 0:00-10:00 Recap on attachment types and the Spectrum of Attachment (this is 3 of 3, with Episode 59 and 60 the first 2) Overview of disorganized attachment ie. driving without a GPS, “fear without solution” unintegrated mental states – Lyons-Ruth Disorganized attachment in childhood certainly happens more often with children who are intentionally mistreated and abused, but also can occur without specific abuse. Chronic fright and/or having a frightning caregiver are both factors, as well as significant loss. Children whose parents had significant unprocessed loss or trauma that may have their own disorganization struggles can also unintentionally create a frightening environment that sets their children on developmental pathways to have an incoherent and unorganized coping styles. 10:00-20:00 Establishing coherence to make sense of the bad things that have occurred in life It’s not what happened to you but what sense you’ve made of it Pockets of disorganization as a human condition Pockets of trauma, normalcy of these pockets The need to slow down when encountering these pockets, even saying to yourself that you’re disorganized is organizing. It’s not me it’s my amygala!   20:00-30:00 Big step of just moving from disorganized to organized, and eventually if you can get there from insecure to earned secure. But we will take moving from having lost one’s thinking to gaining it back. Grounding from floating. Stopping the spin. Disassociation Strengthening and deepening moments of having secure states of mind can eventually move your bucket, or internal working model, towards earned secure! Practical ideas – use small risks of vulnerability in close relationships, mindfulness, journaling, practicing Grices maxims (increasing coherence) and anchoring scales to ground. The more safe you feel, the more steady secure and organized you can get When someone is in a disorganized state, it’s time to get them grounded and more securely inside themselves, not solve relational problems or give a lot of cognitive feedback. This is important both for couples and group therapy especially.   30:00-40:00 Importance of working on attachment first, then the trauma If you’ve had trauma, best thing to do is build and grow safe relationships You may never have to unearth all the specific trauma if you focus on your attachment and relationships, and if you do you’ll have much steadier ground to work from. Securing safe relationships IS working on trauma!
Apr 24, 2018
TU60: Preoccupation in Relationships – Signs and Solutions to Anxious Attachment
34:32
Improve your sense of security and communicate more effectively inside yourself, and with those you love by understand preoccupied/anxious attachment.  Begin to learn to manage your body’s reactivity in relationships by learning about preoccupied/anxious attachment and how it relates to unconscious regulation of the brain. Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discuss the Insecure Preoccupied, or Anxious/Ambivalent side of the attachment spectrum. This discussion can stand alone, but it also continues as a soft Part 2 from last episode TU59: Are You Cool or Just Cut Off – Dismissing Attachment. The hosts begin to really go into how to use the attachment spectrum to identify where you might fall and how to move towards a more secure place. Find out how anxious attachment is formed and passed on, as well as how starting anxious affects relationships later in our adult life. You’ll learn how to manage relationships better by turning inwards and regulating yourself rather than focusing on others to calm you down. Therapist Uncensored co-hosts Kelley and Marriott will also provide basic tips towards identifying where you are on the attachment spectrum and how to move from anxious attachment towards security. Watch our new video introduction to attachment here, and support us on Patreon below: TU60: Podcast episode show notes- 0:00-10:00 Introduction and recap on attachment, organized & disorganized categories of attachment Red side of the attachment spectrum – preoccupied attachment Transferring preoccupied attachment from parent to child (sometimes out of fear of mis-parenting), children reacting to parents’ state of mind. Body can’t relax if caretaker is harboring unsettling feelings. Anxiously attached parents are better at attuning to fear in their child Anxiously attached parents can’t tolerate their own anxiety when child gets too far away. Find the balance between letting children go of and have fun and being there when they need it. 10:00-20:00 Very young secure children calm down when parents return after being separated. "Angry ambivalent” children will go to the parent but won’t let them soothe them, won’t trust that parent will remain there. Identifying your attachment type and handling it in your adulthood. We’re already attuned to other people and we’re used to the sense of rejection but it’s hard to attune to your own body and figure out what YOU want. Hyperactivation is an exaggeration of a normal healthy response (e.g. looking for closeness), being perceived as “clingy” or receiving disproportionate “blame”. Over-activation occurs in the red zone (as opposed to under-activation in the blue zone).   20:00-30:00 Underlying assumption that if you’re rejected or abandoned, you’re not OK You can’t always look to the other person to soothe you; this might be your own history at play. If you fall on red side of spectrum, try to scan externally less and instead check on how you’re doing. Identify your own body cues for triggers (separation, defining yourself and feeling separate, etc.), focus inwards. Be selfish (at least in your body scan)! Have your “personal policy”. Learning to hold off on talking about things until you calm down.   30:00-40:00 Learning how to use “soft tosses” in communication with preoccupied individuals. Figuring what you really want out of a conversation (it might not just being proved right). Understanding your own state of mind and the other person’s simultaneously. Giving your partner a “credibility statement”. Red side should move towards self. Blue side should move towards others. Wrap up, tips, and outro. Resources for this episode: Attached The New Science of Adult Attachment by Amir Levine A Secure Base by John Bowlby, The father of attachment! Mary Main, Mary Ainsworth both primary researchers with Bowlby. Mary Main and the Adult Attachment Interview  Good summary, check it out!!
Apr 16, 2018
TU59: Are You Cool, or Just Cut Off? Dismissing/Avoidant Styles of Relating in Adulthood
36:12
Are you cool or just cut off - you may think you are calm cool and collected, but ask around. :) This episode hangs with the next 2 in discussing attachment patterns in adulthood and are core content of the podcast. Well, at least when it was recorded, we keep learning a lot and updating our model so tune in and see where we go with it over time ok?
Apr 03, 2018
TU58: Improving the Interpersonal World of the Internet for Both Kids and Adults with Guest Catherine Knibbs
1:02:44
Enjoyable one – learn the problematic and adaptive psychology behind online social interactions as Therapist Uncensored host Dr. Ann Kelley interviews this delightful UK-based psychotherapist and author. Catherine Knibbs coined the phrase “cyber trauma” and is the author of The Darker Side of the Internet for Children And Young People. This is not conservative doom and gloom. We get into attachment and neuroscience and provide realistic recommendations to help you and your children navigate the web, unpack myths, identify cyber bullying, discuss consent and provide proactive strategies that lead towards integration and health. Respond more adaptively to the internet and social media rather than swinging guardrail-to-guardrail with unkept promises and overreactions. Explore the positive and negative elements of having a global “village” you can access instantly, anywhere via our phones and discuss the impact of the internet on developing minds and the interpersonal realm of young people and adults. It’s not too late to SIGN UP FOR OUR LIVE CONFERENCE ON ATTACHMENT APRIL 7, 2018 –  Healing Adult Attachment, the 3 Pillars of Integrated Treatment  with Dr. David Elliott (Thank you to our fabulous co-sponsor Austin IN Connection.)     Online reading group to start April 20, 2018 for  Attachment Disturbances in Adults Comprehensive Treatment and Repair (Norton 2016) by Daniel Brown and David Elliott.  Reserve your slot today! 0:00-15:00 Intro Catherine’s interest in “cyber trauma” and personal experience with bullying, re-traumatizing experience of seeing photos posted online. Sharing images online and the loss of choice, loss of consent even with OS updates. Trauma happens without choice. Internet increases chances of exposure to traumatic images but also expands our “village”. Retraumatization process Cyberbullying 15:00-30:00 Exclusion in the cyber world is very comparable to physical bullying in terms of mental and emotional trauma. Exclusion from a party can be a much more intense experience in the social media realm as pictures are being posted “Kicking” in online gaming, “doxxing” in online forums Issue of sensitive material being downloaded and re-uploaded even if removed, teenagers don’t think through the long term behavior of risky behavior “Trawling”: a continued unwanted presence on someone’s online profile Attachment and pressure to like and post Online interactions as a valuable social learning skill for those who might be too dysregulated by physical interactions BUT you can’t just interact online all the time. Importance of socializing in a normal social setting on brain and social development (like making eye contact). 30:00-45:00 Difficulty in disengaging while engrossed in a game, “Spaghetti Test” Importance of becoming tech savvy, not just switching off video games without understanding how the game works, e.g. reaching save points, receiving XP Recognition of video games and social media impacting complex ideas like death (“respawning”) Idea of children being afraid to talk to parents after seeing traumatizing images on the internet because they think they’ll get in trouble, creating a forum for open discussion Polyvagal theory related to internet impact 45:00-60:00 Sexting and the permanence of an online upload Study of sexual images online Pressure to share images, revenge porn, difficulty of trusting others with images once sent, hyper-rational thinking from adolescents, not considering outcomes especially with lack of education Cyber signups, global synaptic connections Suggestions for parents and the internet, issue of adolescents and children having instant access to shocking images they’re not developmentally ready for, importance of co-regulation Wrap up and outro Resources: Reach Catherine Knibbs here  The Impact of the Online World on the Developing Brain,
Mar 28, 2018
TU57: Healthy Dating for Women Who Love Women with Guest Pam Greenstone LPC
58:05
Dating bites (& no, that’s not necessarily a complaint :)). Learn to get out there and enjoy yourself as you peruse your choices.  This episode is for everyone – all genders and sexualities – but today we focus on same-sex oriented women in the LGBTQ community. If you’re a queer woman who has been struggling with your dating life or if you’re still considering whether or not to come out, you’ll enjoy this discussion with co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, and Austin-base therapist Pam Greenstone. They’ ll discuss the importance of building up a multi-faceted support system, identifying red flags in a partner as well as yourself, and pacing out a relationship. Learn to identify internalized sexual stigma and how to come to rely on others to keep you regulated in the early days of dating someone new. You’ll learn about some researched differences in dating in the heterosexual community and that in the LGBTQI community as well as gender role differences that come to play in some, but not all, same-sex relationships. SIGN UP FOR OUR LIVE CONFERENCE ON ATTACHMENT APRIL 7, 2018 –  Healing Adult Attachment, the 3 Pillars of Integrated Treatment  with Dr. David Elliott (Thank you to our fabulous co-sponsor Austin IN Connection.) Online reading group to start mid April, 2018 for Elliott’s book – Attachment Disturbances in Adults Comprehensive Treatment and Repair (Norton 2016) by Daniel Brown and David Elliott. Reserve your slot today! 0:00-15:00 Introduction Inclusivity of LGBTQI community and discussion Pam’s interest in the topic, desire for healthy dating patterns in community Cultural context of homophobia, internalized sexual stigma, difficulty of ascribing to typical gender norms Importance of the support system Importance of gay pride as celebration rather than merely toleration 15:00-30:00 Building up an adequate support system Concentric circles of support: Self (middle) (Family & Friends/Layer A) (Layer B) (Layer C) Middle Layer: Working on your own internalized sexual stigma, deciding whether or not to come out and the actual factors in that decision Layer A: People that support you and will come get you. They know when something is off in your dating life (Myth of) the U-Haul effect Looking for your own red flags The notion of a partner “being the one” vs. nurturing a pairing Identifying red flags 30:00-45:00 Pacing in dating is vital, pushing for space to know how you feel without them Value of group therapy while dating, ability of others to see when you’re impaired in a way from dopamine Importance of remembering you’re flawed as well and finding a “good enough” partner Figuring out how much to share with partner right off the bat, enjoying the infancy of a relationship and not rushing 45:00-60:00 Getting out of dating and taking the pressure off Socialization of women to not disappoint or initiate You don’t have to take responsibility for someone else’s emotions Strength of gay men – capacity of direct honesty Differences between male and female same-sex couples If you’re dating, look at your support system, look at your own red flags as well as others, finding a pace in dating Wrap up and outro   Resources: If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path by Charlotte Kasl Pam’s recommendation for what to read next. How to contact Pam! Conscious Lesbian Dating and Love Ruth Schwarts and Michelle Murrain Lesbian Sex Bible by Diana Cage (just so we are clear that women can have fun dating and not jump to relationships) Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior by Doug Braun-Harvey (previous Therapist Uncensored guest with GLBTQI focus, this book is NOT related to gay dating but a different topic that we are just re-introducing because of it’s pro-sex inclusive messaging, which Doug brings.) Better yet, hear our interview Refreshing Sexual Vitality with Doug Braun-Harvey,
Mar 12, 2018
TU56: How We Come to Define Ourselves – Attachment Research Over Decades with Guest Alan Sroufe
1:00:05
Pick the brain of a leading attachment researcher to more deeply understand how attachment styles from infancy are both stable and can change over time. Dr. Sroufe leads us through his 40 years of research to give us his reflections on what is important in parenting and in relationships to grow security. —- If you’ve ever wanted to know how much you can predict a person’s development years in advance, then you’ll enjoy our conversation with Dr. Alan Sroufe. Co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP talks with Dr. Sroufe about his research findings over the years and how insecure and secure attachment tendencies can develop and affect an individual through their lives. Is change possible? Yes, we will tell you how. Also, can reinforcing positive expectations and taking good care of yourself as a parent truly affect your child’s growth? You’ll learn about the legacies of attachment and the importance of being able to turn to someone when in need of support. This is a hopeful journey, please join us! Dr. Alan Sroufe is an internationally recognized expert on early attachment relationships, emotional development, and developmental psychopathology and has published seven books and 140 articles on these and related topics! Dr. Sroufe is Professor Emeritus of Child Psychology in the Institute of Child Development at the University of Minnesota and he has been an Associate Editor of Developmental Psychology and Development and Psychopathology.  His awards include the Distinguished Scientific Contribution Award from the Society for Research in Child Development, the Bowlby Ainsworth Award for Contributions to Attachment Research, the G. Stanley Hall Award for Distinguished Scientific Contribution to Developmental Psychology from Division 7 of the American Psychology Association, an Honorary Doctorate Degree from the University of Leiden, and the Distinguished Teaching Award from the College of Education, University of Minnesota. SIGN UP FOR OUR LIVE CONFERENCE ON ATTACHMENT APRIL 7, 2018 –  Healing Adult Attachment, the 3 Pillars of Integrated Treatment  with Dr. David Elliott (Thank you to our co-sponsor Austin IN Connection.) Online reading group to start mid April, 2018 for Elliott’s book – Attachment Disturbances in Adults Comprehensive Treatment and Repair (Norton 2016) by Daniel Brown and David Elliott. Reserve your slot today! 0:00-15:00 Introduction Guiding question behind Sroufe’s ongoing 1974 study Correlation between stress in parents and anxious/secure attachment in children Importance of healthy relational questions Why is change difficult? Negative expectations can result in off-putting behavior Chronic early stress and early predictors Life stress 15:00-30:00 Intergenerational transmission and the importance of taking care of yourself as a parent for your child Attachment in children, positive expectations through parents, learning to manage yourself at a young age Positive relationships with teachers reported for those with secure attachment backgrounds Anecdote about Vera’s dream 30:00-45:00 The importance of a supportive relationship as a predictor Those with secure history who experience bad times don’t lose their secure history “Earned” secure attachment and its neurological intricacies David Elliot, Healing Trauma Transitional moments in development 45:00-60:00 Adolescents, capacity for vulnerability Importance of being able to turn to someone, giving and receiving support, legacies of attachment The difficulty of self-reporting, necessity of being observed, AAI Impact of culture and class on development Impact of socioeconomic situation Attachment in primates Wrap Up & Outro Resources: The Development of the Person The Minnesota Study of Risk and Adaptation from Birth Through Adulthood by Dr. Alan Sroufe et al. To reach Dr. Sroufe Dr. Sroufe’s CV Lessons from the Minnesota Longitudinal Study
Mar 06, 2018
TU55: Feeling Empty? Demoralization and the Fight Back to Caring Again.
32:51
Have you given up the fight (political, interpersonal….)? In this episode we attempt to reignite the fight inside you for things that used to matter, and distinguish demoralization from clinical depression. Hopelessness, loss of meaning, and existential distress – these are the characteristics not of depression as one might think, but of demoralization. They are different syndromes with different directions for intervention. Find out more in this episode where co-hosts Ann Kelley PhD and Sue Marriott LCSW CGP discuss how transitioning from taking an active stance towards either situation can be beneficial. Learn how you can develop both internal and external coping mechanisms against demoralization. Please listen through the end we thank several of you for leaving a rating/review for us! Sue Marriott is a professional clinical social worker and psychotherapist, Ann Kelley is an experienced psychologist and together they along with their guests, bring the science of relationships to the world in practical understandable tidbits. SIGN UP FOR OUR LIVE CONFERENCE ON ATTACHMENT APRIL 7, 2018 – Early Bird Discount available now until 3/1/18: Healing Adult Attachment, the 3 Pillars of Integrated Treatment  with Dr. David Elliott (Thank you to our co-sponsor Austin IN Connection.) Online reading group to start in April, 2018 for Elliott’s book – Attachment Disturbances in Adults Comprehensive Treatment and Repair (Norton 2016) by Daniel Brown and David Elliott. Reserve your slot today! Episode 55: 0:00-10:00 Introduction Defining demoralization, differentiating between depression and demoralization Demoralization – feeling of hopelessness, dropping your hands to your side, idea of the “collapse” Depression is a physiological state. People stay in this physiological state. Demoralization: You can’t imagine positive for anticipated events Demoralization clinically speaking is more of an existential crisis, idea of things being “too easy” Antidepressants are unlikely to help a demoralized person 10:00-20:00 Importance of developing agency, competence, “grit” of overcoming demoralization (and not taking that struggle from your children) Solution to demoralization: transitioning from passive to active, changing the environment, asking for accommodations Consider the way you’re complaining in dissatisfaction and external, you might be taking the demoralized approach Demoralization is inability to cope. Internal and external coping can counteract. Feel trapped. These shifts can be very difficult. 20:00-30:00 Demoralization is related more to Dismissive, or Anxious-Avoidant Attachment, choosing to stay down and bypass feelings, rather than get hopes up then get disappointed over and over again Within hope there’s desire and connection, without those you can’t push forward You can’t talk someone out of demoralization Demoralization is more linked with suicidal ideation than depression – is serious in it’s own right Taking quarter or half steps to affect change and feel efficacy, transitioning from left to right brain thinking Be interested in what happens to you when you become deflated – explore, be curious Depression is serious and should be treated but demoralization is important to differentiate. Inactivity is detrimental to both Talking to yourself out loud, using your name is a form of taking action. Take active curiosity in why you complain. Wrap up Hey careful listeners… we never figured out the French phrase Sue was trying to remember, rough english translation of dropping your hands by your side. Any ideas there? Resources: THE MMPI-2’s RESTRUCTURED CLINICAL DEMORALIZATION SCALE: EXPLORING CORRELATES OF DEMORALIZATION IN A PSYCHIATRIC INPATIENT SAMPLE AND THE IMPLICATIONS FOR AGING Grief, Demoralization and Depression: Diagnostic Challenges and Treatment Modalities The Demoralized Mind More Resources here  
Feb 14, 2018
TU54: The Stress Response System (Attachment) Across the Lifespan
32:13
How does your involuntary stress response system affect you throughout life? This episode takes a wide-angle look at attachment throughout one’s life, discusses how one’s environment affects their system’s involuntary response to stress, and how that stress response system impacts us from infancy to the autumn years. In this episode, co-hosts Ann Kelley Phd and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discuss attachment across the lifespan, specifically looking at the elder years and how our attachment system affects us as caretakers of our parents or as the senior who may be undergoing the various losses inherent in aging. From toddlerhood, friendships, dating, mating, aging, and even through the dying process our stress response system governs how we manage these important transitions. As physical, mental and financial stress go up as we age, so does our need for security and people to nurture us. Attachment roles may reverse and understanding this deeply may provide openings for changes to close relationships. Neuroscience continues to document our ability to change and grow throughout our life. This episode takes a wide-angle look at attachment throughout one’s life, discusses how one’s environment affects their system’s response to stress, and how that system impacts us from infancy to the autumn years.  Learn how to adjust set stress “pathways” and move towards more secure relating in adult relationships, and also unravel the parallels that exist between attachment in infants and the elderly. SIGN UP FOR OUR LIVE CONFERENCE ON ATTACHMENT APRIL 7, 2018 – Early Bird Discount available now: Healing Adult Attachment, the 3 Pillars of Integrated Treatment  with Dr. David Elliott (Thank you to our co-sponsor Austin IN Connection.) Episode 54 podcast notes: 0:00-10:00 Introduction & David Elliot conference April 7, 2018 Attachment overall: Our environment directly affects how our system responds to stress. How babies are responded to when distressed directly impacts the attachment relationship they develop. Involuntary stress response, HPA Axis Set Points: Cortisol level upon waking (stress response) impacted by attachment status and primary relationships. Even with positive relationships with mothers, surprising study where race of the child affects cortisol and set these kids up for more risk. Epigenetics. Insecure attachment is actually a very effective coping mechanism and strategy in children in stressful situations. It’s a strategy not a disorder! Keep cortisol level low – keep those you’re attached to close, eye contact, holding, tone of voice, self-soothing, interpersonal regulation. Alan Sroufe longitudinal study since 1976 10:00-20:00 “Pathways”: optimal and problematic routes Those with lower cortisol levels are more likely to ask for help. Early caregiving vs. friendship networks It’s possible to move pathways from insecure to secure, particularly with strong relationships Spiritual relationships: secure attachments to spiritual center or community can be a very healing, integrative place Adult attachment: voluntary relationships and reciprocally dependent, symmetrical not asymetrical like parent-child Couples therapy and getting people to try to turn to one another, idea of the “soft toss” Recognizing when partner is in a stress response as being “lost in familiar places” 20:00-32:00 The aging process: as we mature, we become more secure as we become less anxious regarding how the world views us. Security set point can change. Learn to turn to people in life events Process of attachment affects us all the way from infancy to skidding into the grave, important to keep compassion. Failure to thrive in infancy, “failure to thrive” in elders All people aging do better with emotional support than with instrumental support Therapy pets and response to stress, attachment doesn’t need to be human-to-human Wrap up Want more like this?
Jan 31, 2018
TU53: Complex Trauma and Managing Dysregulation with Guest Robyn Gobbel
41:04
Loving someone with cumulative and complex relational injuries can be challenging. Learn to manage the impacted neurobiology and relational wounds. This episode addresses both children and adults with complicated attachment histories and gives ideas about how to manage. Whether it’s your own history or someone you love, let’s be honest – it can be challenging at times to be in very close relationships when early attachment injuries have been layered and ongoing and unaddressed. Threat and unrepaired relational ruptures are encoded in our biology and our neurological systems. Child and Family Therapist Robyn Gobbel, LCSW joins co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP for a discussion on complex trauma and the importance of boundaries and depersonalizing, especially as a parent. You’ll learn how to best communicate between your partner and child when things get tense and how best to employ structured nurture and scaffolding in those relationships. Robyn Gobbel – Robyn is the founder of Central Texas Attachment & Trauma Center and specializes in adoption, attachment, and trauma. She leads webinars for parents and clinicians and will be releasing a new podcast soon! Stay tuned!  Related episodes: Episode 23 Building Grit Through Self-Compassion with Kristen Neff and Episode 51 Conquer Shame by Understanding the Science Behind the Feeling with Steve Finn   0:00-15:00 Introduction Defining “trauma” and the difficulties in doing so Neurobiology of trauma Complex Trauma Trauma in relationships Gobbel’s interest in trauma Gobbel’s focus on working with children, starting early when individual is in safe family space and setting groundwork for the future   15:00-30:00 Listener question about multigenerational trauma Self-compassion, acknowledging complex history Importance of being able to look back and repair rather than aim to be perfect all the time What happens when one parent/partner is regulated and the other isn’t. If intervention is necessary make sure it’s about compassion rather than accusing the partner of messing up. What Gobbel has learned from working with parents, children and families: When curiosity and compassion open up, ability to repair greatly increases Steve Finn and moving from shame to guilt; shame is inherent in complex trauma Structured Nurture and finding the right balance   30:00-45:00 Importance of ability to depersonalize, particularly as a parent, in order to have delight around your children Understanding and how to best employ “scaffolding” in yourself and with your children Wrap Up   Resources It’s Not You But What Happened to You  by Chrisitine Courtois Treating Complex Trauma a Sequenced Relationship-based Approach By Christine Courtois Julian Ford Creative Therapies for Complex Trauma Helping Children and Families in Foster Care, Kinship Care or Adoption Edited by Joy Hasler and Anthea Hendry Contact Robyn: http://centraltexasattachmenttrauma.com/ https://www.gobbelcounseling.com/ Tweet
Jan 17, 2018
TU52: Using Mindfulness, Movement and Yoga to Manage Arousal, with Guest Kelly Inselmann
46:54
Use these neuroscience-backed techniques to conquer your anxiety and depression with a few simple yoga and mindfulness principles. This podcast will teach you how combining movement, rhythm and sound as well as practicing mindfulness can allow for a calm alertness and tackle everyday life. Psychotherapist and Yoga Instructor Kelly Inselmann joins Dr. Ann Kelley in an extensive discussion about tapping into your body and gaining a better understanding and awareness of it to ultimately improve your mental health. This podcast is paired with a bonus episode, a 12-minute track of a high-quality mediation specifically for you, our listeners. Thank you Kelly for this offering! Click here to hear that Bonus Meditation.    Who is Kelly Inselmann:  Kelly is a psychotherapist and yoga instructor in Austin, TX, and Sue is super-thrilled she’s also a Certified Group Psychotherapist. Kelly studies and teaches kundalini yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan. She began her study 25 years ago and is certified as a yoga teacher at the highest level (500 hours). She continues to actively study with senior teachers throughout the country. She is a certified yoga therapist through the International Association of Yoga Therapists.   0:00-15:00 Introduction (you may want to start w/ the bonus track first) Mindfulness and coming into the present moment Practices and meditation as being tools for consciousness and learning to be with yourself Principles of Kundalini Yoga: movement, rhythm & sound Saying a mantra out loud gets your circulation moving and balances your hemispheres Combination of meditation and movement works through bilateral stimulation, soothing the amygdule How Kelly integrated Kundalini into her life and practice Efficiency of Kundalini Importance of choosing the right class and teacher Essentials 15:00-30:00 Yoga allowing for a full body experience Getting in tune with your body and recognizing limits allows for neuro-plasticity in the brain and increases capacity to endure discomfort Effects of integration, particularly through bilateral stimulation Alternate nostril breathing creates a relaxation effect and energy alternatively: a calm alert Achieving clarity in your mind and more awareness about your body Impact on brain development: increased grey matter in cortex, hippocampus Creation of new neural pathways, increasing neural pathways allows for mental and physical regulation Importance of mantra for later recollection to cue self. Using a mantra to bring your whole system to a calmer place. 30:00-45:00 Importance of connecting to group not only in therapy but in yoga as well Integrating yoga and meditation just twenty minutes a day at home could have an extremely beneficial outcome Meditation is easier when moving because it releases tensions and transitions into a state of relaxation, allows you to get in touch with your breathing Effect of yoga in aging and mental decline: lowered inflammation in the body and improved memory Wrap up     Resources: Yoga and Talk, Integrating Yoga and Psychotherapy – Kelly Inselmann Joy Boots for Cancer Survivors – Kelly Inselmann Trauma Sensitive Yogo in Therapy: Bringing the Body Into Treatment by David Emerson Overcoming Trauma Through Yoga: Reclaiming your body by David Emerson   Tweet
Jan 08, 2018
TU52.5: Bonus Episode: Meditation to Reduce Stress and Worry
13:13
Neuroscience tells us that learning to manage our arousal through practice benefits our minds and body very quickly. We wouldn’t be doing this right if we weren’t offering practical strategies.This is a bonus episode designed to go with Episode 52 – but what’s super cool is that this one is a straight 12-minute mindfulness meditation lead by yoga master and psychotherapist, Kelly Inselmann. More at www.therapistuncensored.com
Jan 08, 2018
TU51: Conquer Shame by Understanding the Science Behind the Feeling, with Guest Expert Dr. Steve Finn
59:26
Shame, the good, the bad and the ugly! In this podcast, learn how to recognize the various forms of shame and how guilt can be an antidote to this pit in the stomach feeling. Sue Marriott, Dr. Ann Kelley and guest Dr. Stephen Finn engage in a wide-ranging discussion about the least favorite feeling in most people – the collapsed feeling of shame! It is more complicated than you think. Shamelessness and debilitating shame are both toxic and yet there is a version of these feeling that is quite healthy. Listen as we discuss the contemporary research and the biology of this emotion and practical implications for your everyday life. Listen to the end to find out if you are a dandelion or an orchid. Who is Steve Finn: Stephen Finn is a psychologist in private practice in Austin, TX and a Clinical Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. He is known for developing Therapeutic Assessment, a brief psychological intervention that combines psychological testing and psychotherapy. He lectures around the world on Therapeutic Assessment and other topics, including—in recent years—shame. If you like this kind of content you’ll enjoy Episode 23, Self-Compassion with Kristin Neff Want more like this? Check out our free YouTube video Modern Adult Attachment 101 to learn more –  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PF7g4K8fDvo 0:00-15:00 Intro Stephen Finn’s initial interest in shame Defining shame, differentiating shame from guilt Barrier experience, shame can become a central part of personality in some people Guilt is a developmental achievement and is appropriate in certain circumstances. Doing something bad rather than being bad, this it’s not hopeless. Some shame is good – healthy shame indicates capacity for empathy. Shame is a necessary social adhesive and social conditioning required for living in groups. Lack of guilt in psychopaths Problem of having too much shame or getting caught up in shame. Developing trait shame. If normal emotions have been shamed (particularly by parents to their developing children), this can occur. This can also result from emotional neglect; misconstruing being unloved as being un-loveable.  15:00-30:00 Problem of parents with cell phones fueling neglect at an early age. Still face experiment and instilling shame through lack of expression – (see resources for link it’s very interesting) Relationship between having a conscience and shame Shaming and repairing is healthy, never shaming is not. Guilt is really healthy shame.  Physical effect of shame and biology. In order to get over hidden shame, you need to expose it to safe people. Shame can only be healed interpersonally. Different cultures social constructions of shame. Importance of overcoming hesitation or anxiety of punishment from sharing shame. 30:00-45:00 Experiences of sharing shame in group. Importance of sharing shame in group. Complication of therapist feeling need to relate or there’s no need to feel shamed when its one on one. Joining in sharing shame is very powerful tool. Couples and understanding or dismissing shame. Connecting right brain to right brain. Getting people to transition from shame to guilt What does repair actually look like? The journey from shame to guilt is recognizing its something you did, not something you are. 45:00-57:00 Idea of narcissism freeing others up from shame, especially in a relationship. Need to go from shame to guilt, not shamelessness. Importance of “me too” in terms of diminishing shame. Emphasis on shame in Japan and link to high rates of suicide. Orchid and Dandelion children concept. Stephen’s method of therapeutic assessment (www.therapeuticassessment.com) Wrap up & outro Resources: Therapeutic Assessment Institute How to reach Steve Finn and his expert team, who train this technique across the globe.
Dec 15, 2017
TU50:  The Psychology of an Entrepreneur -Surprising Insights with Guest Krisztina ‘Z’ Holly
52:52
Learn what goes on inside the mind of a successful entrepreneur and bring to life your own dormant projects! Kristina ‘Z’ Holly, curator and host of first ever TEDx, as well as the founder of the podcast, “The Art of Manufacturing,” joins our own Dr. Ann Kelley to delve into the mind and personality of an entrepreneur. Through her podcast, Z speaks in-depth with inspiring and successful entrepreneurs and shares wisdom and insights about this population. Discover how risk, reasoning, and cognitive biases work towards entrepreneurial decision-making. The benefits of gaining the resilience that comes after failure is discussed, as well as how to use extroversion and open-mindedness to actually increase your own “luck” and ability to actualize your ideas. Krisztina ‘Z’ Holly is a MIT-trained engineer, tech entrepreneur and startup wizard. She has served as Vice Provost for Innovation at USC and has been an advisor to dozens of companies and organizations, including the World Economic Forum and the Obama Administration.  In addition to her podcast, Z is also the Founder and Chief Instigator for LA Mayor Garcetti’s MAKE IT IN LA initiative. 0:00-15:00 Personalities of Entrepreneurs Effectual Reasoning, Risk Taking, Cognitive Biases Stereotype of power and selfishness, versus the drive to make a positive impact as an entrepreneur, specific examples Average age of entrepreneur is 40s, not 20s. 15:00-30:00 Importance of partnerships and interdependence Starting TEDx Key to making impact sometimes is to recognize what you’re willing to give up Risk Taking & Risk Aversion Comparison of entrepreneurs and parents “Trough of Sorrow” Working in groups to start projects are more likely to be successful (up to 5) Holding the mission above the brand, entrepreneurship as a helping profession 30:00-45:00 Using importance of mission to counteract knee jerk human reaction to take ownership How does entrepreneur personality play out in relationships? Examples of entrepreneurs who are driven by fanaticism Sense of responsibility for business comparable to that of parent for child Reality of what it takes to be an entrepreneur Drive for money versus something more Learning from failure vs. learning from success. Learn from resilience after failure, not failure itself. Push comfort zone every day. 45:00-55:00 Different types of entrepreneur personalities? Internal locus of control in entrepreneur Richard Weisman luck study – you can cultivate your own luck through openness to experience and extroversion. Those self-described as lucky were much more likely to get answer correctly (they were open to new information and new input). Entrepreneurs fit into category of those who make their own luck. Internal locus of control about affecting world if you intake its information. Entrepreneurs have world view in a way that they can affect the world. Wrap Up & Outro   Resources for this episode: The Art of Manufacturing Podcast MAKE IT IN LA Richard Wiseman, The Luck Factor, Skeptical Inquirer, May/June 2003 6 Key Qualities for Entrepreneurs. 5 Biggest Hurdles to Entrenpreneurship OUR PACKED RESOURCE PAGE IN GENERAL CLICK HERE!  Heads up for our listeners who love to keep on learning all kinds of cool useful not fluffy stuff! Like this and want to hear more?  Join our email list here, subscribe to Tunes here or sign up for the waiting list for our free online course on Modern Adult Attachment here! We may read your review on air, please rate and review us on your favorite podcast player, it helps so much!! Finally – this is the easiest of all – “Like” our public Facebook page here to get updated popular articles on these subjects of interest. Slots available for our online reading group for Attachment Disturbances in Adults, Comprehensive Treatment and Repair by David Brown and David Elliott. See Dr.
Dec 07, 2017
TU49:  Five Strategies to Manage Intense Emotions & Why Emotional Regulation Matters
27:47
Become a master not a disaster at relationships! In this episode we provide some quick tips to help you regulate emotions in yourself and others. Deepen your skills at deciphering these things we call feelings (ack!) and learn how to use this information to co-regulate yourself and those close to you. What happens when we’re suddenly overcome with emotions? In this episode, Ann Kelley, Ph.D. and Sue Marriott, LCSW, CGP discuss five tips to internally and externally regulate your emotions when things get too much. You’ll learn how communicating in certain ways and even acting counter-intuitively to your instincts can be the best way towards healthy emotional regulation. 0:00-10:00 Emotional regulation is NOT about just being nice or suppressing your emotions Defining “stonewalling” – refusing to address someone and what’s being asked to talk about. Stonewalling happens when someone is flooded with emotions and they mentally check out. Stonewalling is actually a form of dysregulation Polyvagal Theory What happens when we have too strong of emotions? 1) Identify what’s going on internally and externally – In yourself and in other people. Feel physically where you’re feeling the intensity in your body. 2) Accept it; this is what it is. Taking a pause instead of reacting in a physical way. 10:00-20:00 3) Respond. Response rather than react. Thinking and moving for yourself rather than moving to impact the world. Recognize the emotion as transient. Dialectical behavior therapy Taking impulses to act from anger, sadness and anxiety and redirecting them into the opposite action. Those impulses are based on survival instincts. If you’re angry, contain rather than attack. If you’re sad, just sit with your partner rather than withdraw. If you’re anxious, carefully approach rather than hold back. Analogy of Russian Dolls: Let the big one take the wheel, don’t let the little ones get dysregulated and drive. 20:00-28:00 Problem of inferring from words not said rather than words that are said. Even as adults we need to “use our words”. No matter what if you can, move towards social engagement as soon as you can. It’s way better. 🙂 4) Put thoughts and feelings into words rather than actions Differentiating between communicating to assert your emotions versus communicating from a truly open place. Example of “Where’ve you been?” vs. “I’ve been nervous about where you are and it’s made me anxious.” 5) Don’t forget to amplify positivity in your relationship in general. Engage in positive activities and words daily. In conflict, use your mind to remember and imagine positivity between you, either from the past or hours after a conflict is imagined to be resolved. This reminds you that you are with a safe person.  Connect before you correct. Use positivity and humor to bring yourself back to the center Wrap up. Like this and want to hear more?  Join our email list here, subscribe to Tunes here or sign up for the waiting list for our free online course on Modern Adult Attachment here! We may read your review on air, please rate and review us on your favorite podcast player, it helps so much!! Finally – this is the easiest of all – “Like” our public Facebook page here to get updated popular articles on these subjects of interest. Liked this one? Check out our episode on Polyvagal Theory here  and other episodes on emotional regulation we have, such as this one on what we can learn from animals about emotions!   Resources: Feeling Wheel Cool graphic – check it out there is a lot there to ponder… Feelings Inventory by Center for Nonviolent Communication Care tool kit for emotions – solid resource mostly to teach kids but hey we all can use a hand sometimes! 🙂 Emotion Feeling Chart for Adults Affect Regulation book by Alan Schore Emotional Intelligence Why It Can Matter More than IQ book by Daniel Goldman Integrating Emotions Good article Tweet
Nov 28, 2017
TU48: Tensions Around #MeToo – Bridging Gender in This Conversation
59:10
#MeToo flips power on it’s head, but in so doing has also caused strife within good relationships and high tension and some polarization across the gender divide. Women are taking their abuse and assault stories out from hiding. They are using their collective voice to mobilize and they are Telling Their Stories. The power and safety of strength in numbers, #MeToo social media phenomenon, has unleashed a flood of sharing as-yet unheard stories of a wide variety of unwanted intrusions. In this episode we explore the tensions felt by both men and women in their discussions around coming out about sexual harassment and assault, and explore strategies for increasing understanding and connection between people who identify as men and women. Co-hosts Ann Kelley, PhD and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP join special guest, Mason Marriott-Voss in a discussion on sexual harassment, the power flip against men in power, and the uncertainty many men now face in acting appropriately around women. Mason shares his views as a cis straight white man and ventures to suggest how men might engage with the women in their lives affected by unwanted sexual pursuit and objectification. We also discuss how men can work towards being more accurate listeners and assume a more vulnerable role in the dialogues surrounding sexual harassment today. We get into the biological implications of physical threat and how that varies between men and women and how this affects their ability to empathize. We also offer suggestions for how to avoid getting defensive and instead engage in these dialogues in a respectful, open and understanding way. Mason Marriott-Voss is a University of Texas student, the state of Texas debate champion and award-winning advocate for GLBTQ families. Can you guess who’s offspring he is? We sincerely thank this brave, young leader for being on our show! Like this and want to hear more?  Join our email list here, subscribe to Tunes here or sign up for the waiting list for our free online course on Modern Adult Attachment here! We may read your review on air, please rate and review us on your favorite podcast player, it helps so much!! Finally – this is the easiest of all – “Like” our public Facebook page here to get updated popular articles on these subjects of interest. 0:00-15:00 Introduction, joining the dialogue on sexual harassment, assault, and the media Avoiding conflict when engaging in this widespread discussion amongst people who identify in different group Countering the idea of #NotAllMen in a sense of being complicit within system. Complications of #NotAllMen when it comes to trans identifying men. Comparing sexual assault to bullying in terms of power differentials Tendency of men to have a desire to defend in a “not me” type way…if you’re not that and this is as widespread a problem as it is, who IS that? How to have this conversation as a man and acknowledge the power differential, trying to avoid talking about this dialogue in an overly analytical way, not recognizing physical fear women feel. Speaking on an interpersonal level without having comparable experience. Recognizing as men that you don’t understand.   15:00-30:00 The idea of heterosexual men experiencing discomfort at thought of being checked out by a homosexual man. Is it a comparable experience if the physical threat isn’t as prevalent? Biology of threats and heightened bodily states in women when discussing assault. Difficulty for (particularly white) men to not validate themselves in these discussions and instead listen. Most appropriate venue for men to have more active role in conversations is with circles of other men, though this rarely happens. Psychological trauma of not being believed or reassigning blame after the fact. Harvey Weinstein and accusers as a huge example of this. Louis C.K. accusations and response. Other celebrity accusations. Avoiding the “not me” attitude as a man  
Nov 21, 2017
TU47: Attachment Insecurity and Secure Parenting with Guest Tina Payne-Bryson
45:53
Let’s get real about not being a perfect parent or partner so we can do both better!   Regulation before reflection! We were so excited about our first interview with NYT best-selling author Tina Payne Bryson that for the first time we are bringing a guest back for a second interview!  Sue Marriott, co-host of Therapist Uncensored and Dr. Payne-Bryson get real about parenting when you don’t have a secure background yourself. They cover constructing a coherent narrative and why that’s not really enough, and what needs to be added to the equation. They also get into what healthy integration means and how it helps us navigate under stress and in the heat of an argument. They lay out the grief process in relation to our own parents and how that can open up possibilities of mending old ruptures and creating new growth. Finally they really get into the role of the body over the mind in creating the bottom line, a healthy regulation of self to help others. See Tina live Nov 3-4, 2017 here in Austin! Friday night event, short lecture for the public, parents, educators and clients interested in what should have happened growing up. Saturday clinical conference. Who is Tina Payne Bryson? She is co-author with Dr. Dan Siegel of The Whole Child Brain, The Yes Brain and No-Drama Discipline and founder of The Center for Connection in Pasadena.  Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world, and she has written for numerous publications such as the PBS series “This Emotional Life.” She makes frequent media appearances at venues like TIME, “Good Morning America,” Huffington Post, Redbook, The New York Times, and Real Simple. She is the Child Development Specialist at Saint Mark’s School in Altadena, the Director of Parenting Education at the Mindsight Institute, the Director for Child Development for Camp Chippewa in Cass Lake, Minnesota, and the Child Development Director for Lantern Camps.   Listen to the first one, Episode 27 Raising Secure Children Like this and want to hear more?  Join our email list here, subscribe to Tunes here or sign up for the waiting list for our free online course on Modern Adult Attachment here! We may read your review on air, please rate and review us on your favorite podcast player, it helps so much!! Finally – this is the easiest of all – “Like” our public Facebook page here to get updated popular articles on these subjects of interest. 0:00 – 15:00 Intro Tina’s current interests are essentially any and everything that comes back to regulation and thinking about it in a bottom up orientation Attachment Creating a cohesive narrative begins with stabilizing a cohesive physical state in your body. Regulation needs to occur before reflection Information you know doesn’t necessarily have the capacity to change how you feel Integration & Alan Schore Factual memories/details in left hemisphere, information taken from the body, procedural memory is right hemisphere. Once integrated, there’s a flow of information between them. When emotions are high, the rational thought is more difficult to access. 15:00 – 30:00 Problem of counter-empathy for other people’s problems when you’re in an emotional state, particularly in regards to children Attention as a vital need for a child Development for children, toddlers and adolescents Tina’s own personal experiences with her parents and children related to attachment and empathy Vulnerability Tina’s experience losing her father and reshaping her narrative about his dismissive nature through understanding attachment Problem of having extensive knowledge of neurobiological and psychological effects distancing therapists from their own personal grief Tina’s experience with attachment in terms of varying messages of condolence when her father passed Nurturing a healthier relationship with Tina’s father after his death – allowing for a positive mental space when envision...
Oct 30, 2017
TU46: Redefining Infidelity – Guest Esther Perel on Love and Desire in Modern Relationships
50:36
Let's talk infidelity with Guest Esther Perel Update your model of healthy relationships in the digital age and widen your perspective on the erotic, which is the difference between a relationship that just survives, and one that thrives! Guest Esther Perel shares her research on love, desire and infidelity in modern relationships. Patty Olwell, former co-host of Therapist Uncensored, returns for a meaningful conversation with Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. In this episode they discuss concepts such as infidelity, consent and betrayal in the modern digital era.  In addition, learn how sexual education differs in the United States versus Europe.  Find out what the best way to handle the “crisis mode” of a betrayal in a relationship and how can we avert it by openly communicating early on. Also discover how we can cope with trauma within a relationship and how to make sense of the connection between love and desire. Thank you to Patty Olwell for this incredible interview! 0:00-15:00 Introduction, Esther’s study of love & desire, research in infidelity, definition of infidelity today Defining Infidelity: 1) Secret 2) Emotional Involvement to some degree 3) Sexual Aura Defining “cheating” traditionally and in the modern era of smart phones and social media: where do we draw the line? Contradictory feelings in crisis mode of relationship Important issues with betrayal trauma – 1) Ability of person who crossed the agreed upon relational lines to recognize the injury 2) Questions will keep returning and getting deeper and the inflictor will need to continue to manage and help the other person heal 3) Help decide if you really want details because you can’t unknow them once shared 15:00 – 30:00 Different types of couples -t hose with ability to empathize with the others through buffers, those who can understand accountability, those who can reconnect sexually, etc. Esther’s background growing up in community of Holocaust survivors. Idea of having survived versus being alive in couples and how that relates to eroticism. Curiosity and eroticism – engaging in trust into unknown. Must find balance of security and adventure. Esther’s research findings. Existential problem of love and desire relating but conflicting. Data-driven. Sex addiction as the “medicalization of affairs” Doug Braun-Harvey and out of control sexual behavior 30:00 – 45:00 While there are people with out of control sexual behavior, not everyone who has strayed from their relationship repeatedly has an “addiction.” Implications of 12-step program for those diagnosed with sex addiction. Just because a person has a problem doesn’t mean they have an addiction. When it becomes an excuse, it’s a problem. Pornography (or the use of sexually explicit imagery) as primary form of sexual education for those in the US versus starting education that emphasizes health and pleasure in Belgium starting at age 4. Educating for online adult images, relationships and responsibility at an early age. Emotional intelligence and empathy in the digital age. In the US: sex is risk factor. In Europe: irresponsibility is risk factor. Messages from Esther as a non-US citizen: treat issues globally; troubles are not that different. Don’t be afraid to collaborate with fellow therapists. Psychotherapists shouldn’t be recluse in their offices but should feel welcome to bring psychotherapy to the public sphere. 45:00 – 60:00 Exclusivity. Making couples have difficult conversations for the overall improvement of the relationship. Defining monogamy over the decades. New ground of defining monogamy. Monogamy needs to be defined in relationships BEFORE a crisis occurs. Outro If you liked this episode you’ll love these: Related episodes mentioned in today’s podcast- Doug Braun-Harvey interviews Part 1 and Part 2 start here for Part 1!
Oct 24, 2017
TU45: Music, Emotion and Therapy- Interview with Bob Schneider, Austin Music Legend
1:03:28
Not only does Bob Schneider (professional musician and wicked Creative) share his navigation of emotion as he writes music, in this in-depth conversation he also shares personal information about his therapy and recovery with Sue Marriott. He goes on to describe mediocre versus great therapy, how to train your critical brain like your dog, and taking in tons of information like a whale and spitting out “song turds” from his unconscious. Blending anecdotal stories, neuroscience and attachment theory, this interview both entertains and educates. This is a soft Part 2 to our previous Episode 44:  Your Brain on Music, How Music Affects Your Mind, Memory and Happiness. If you like this you’ll like that!  Bonus section: Sue discusses and you get to hear an extended excerpt of Schneider’s song, “Let the Light In” from an attachment perspective at the end of this episode so stay tuned….   About Bob Schneider: He has won more Austin Music Awards than any other musician, including Best Songwriter, Best Funk Band, Best Bluegrass Band, Best Alternative/Punk Band, Best Musician, Best None of the Above Band J, Best Male Vocals and of course Musician of the Year too many times to count. Let’s be clear, this does not complete his awards list. He’s also an artist and poet aka Wicked Creative, as you can tell he’s an Austin legend.  But as you’ll hear in the intro song, “you can call him Bob.”   Batman (Live at the Paramount) and Ready Let’s Roll (King Kong)  excerpts before and after intro. 2:45 – Bob’s process of song writing and performing when he writes, identify the moment when something pings emotionally and keep heading in that direction. Hot/cold game 4:35 – Left brain and right brain functions, top-bottom processing when creating music. The unexpected is what makes music compelling. Specific feelings of excitement when experiencing something you haven’t experienced before. 7:30 – Music allows you to process life experiences or interpret internal thoughts 11:15 – Excitement comes from the unexpected because our brains as anticipation machines. Oxytocin discussed. Sober song writing. Mindfulness – Just write! 20:50 – Trying to write something profound will prevent you from doing so. Just let the creative part of you do what it wants to do, splash paint etc. Bob believes it’s an amalgamation of everything we’ve sucked in, he’s a whale spitting out song turds. J 23:45 – Bob’s shares his drive to keep writing. Dissociation from feelings and engaging sensitivity in the world. 28:30 – Very personal story of baby by the gutter as a “coherent narrative,” an outcome of self-acceptance and acceptance of others. Mediocre therapists versus fantastic therapists. Acceptance of our imperfections in relationships, goal for those who were raised in less-than-stellar household environments. 36:00 – Bob’s songs: “The Effect”, “The World Exploded Into Love”, “Changing Your Mind” 38:42 – Focus on your self-relationship above everything else. “Stay on your own postage stamp.” Bob shares his experience in therapy. Group therapy allows for side mirrors and references that make you more understanding that these are shared human experiences. In Bob’s experience, group therapy allowed him to grow up from immature emotional reactions. 49:34 – Beginning of wrap up. Bob’s 17-year Monday night residency continues at the Saxon Pub 8:30pm-10:00pm. 51:20 – “Big Blue Sea” and “Let the Light In” Bob’s music shows his emotions, but might not lyrically be based in reality. 1:01:09 – Bonus Episode discussing his song, Let the Light In (Radio Edit), from an attachment perspective. Extended excerpt plays(but you gotta listen to the whole song it’s awesome!) Phew that was FUN! (All music played w/ permission from the artist.) Like this and want to hear more?  Join our email list, subscribe to Tunes here and if you are really into it, sign up for our free online course on Modern Adult Attachment here!
Oct 18, 2017
TU44: Your Brain on Music – How Music Affects Your Mind, Memory and Happiness
34:45
Learn how to use music to improve brain health, manage mood, increase relational happiness and get tips on how to build neural plasticity through this art. Remember, it’s not just cotton candy for the ears! Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss the deeper meaning behind people’s responses to music on the brain, and how music affects happiness and mood. How can we purposely manipulate our mood with tunes and lyrics in terms of motivation, distraction, synchronicity and stimulation? How is music a form of social architecture and how do we interact with it individually and as a whole? You’ll learn how specific music choices can directly impact relationships, emotional state and overall mental health. This is a soft part 1 to Episode 45, so you will likely want to check out our interview with Austin Music Legend Bob Schneider as he talks about the creative process music and emotion here! 0:23 – Bodily reaction to “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen. Thinking of music as social architecture for the brain rather than “cotton candy for the ears” or just entertainment. 1:26 – Response to music on the brain can be considered an extreme version of “neural wi-fi”. How do we use music to get what we want? 1:54 – How music affects the brain. Auditory cortex, motor cortex, memory, right brain experience are all activated by music. Different responses from music we like vs. music we don’t like. 3:08 – Lou Cozolino: When default mode network is activated, that is deeply reflective mental state (meditation, etc.), which in turn is good for mental health. Music that we like/dislike activates/deactivates the default mode network. 4:24 – Human and songbird study: Music creating limericks of love for human stimulates similar response for mating calls in songbirds. 5:23 – Workout music as basis/distraction for motor movement 5:38 –David Levinson (Your Brain on Music) and his study on how we use music. Compared families who played music together versus those who didn’t. When you play music out loud in the same room, your relationship becomes stronger. You sit closer, you spend more time together, and 2/3 more sex. 6:55 – Recommendation about music as social architecture: Get a cheap Bluetooth speaker for your home! 7:53 – Psychology of listening to music in humans. Primal gathering, problem resolving, protest music, cultural change and lullaby. Psychology of lullaby as regulating both mother and child’s mental state through right brain activation. 10:52 – Bodily response to “Amazing Grace” by Straight No Chaser. Sense of awe can be extrapolated from prolactin processing sorrow. 12:56 – Bodily response to “Long Ride Home “ by Patty Griffin. Simultaneous processing of music and lyrics. Humans are wired to hear stories. 13:58 – Synching up with the rhythm of the music in our minds just like synching up moods. Idea of synching up when losing a musical artist, e.g. Prince. Narrative songwriting synchs up with our emotional and analytical parts of brain. 15:50 – Part of what makes a hit song is the unexpected element since brains are anticipation machines. 17:00 – USC research on “chills” to music finds that in terms of responses to music, there are more dense fibers from the auditory system to the emotional processing system in people who get chills from music. 17:57 – How music affects motivation and Ann’s emotional response to “Gonna Fly Now” by Bill Conti. Auditory stimulation and subsequent memory of visual response to Rocky as example of social architecture. You can manipulate your mood intentionally through music 22:16 – Anticipation and dopamine of unpredictable music selections. Random music of your favorites affects your mood state the whole time. 23:40 – You can link a favorite song to a memory, but if you listen to the song again and again, you’ll link it to new memories. If you keep that song in a private space and preserve it, you’ll preserve the memory.
Oct 09, 2017
TU43: Sexual Vitality – Six Principles of Sexual Health with Doug Braun-Harvey (Part 2 of 2)
39:29
(PART 2 of 2) Add pleasure back in to the conversation about healthy sex and the whole conversation changes! This is the second half of a conversation with Doug Braun-Harvey, co-author of Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior, Rethinking Sex Addiction , where psychotherapists Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott continue to discuss the six principles of sexual health as defined by Doug Braun-Harvey. If you missed the first episode hear it here: Part 1 How do shared values, honesty and pleasure work into having a healthy sexual life? How do we think of sex addiction and compulsivity as a disease rather than a common problem? How do people individually have to determine if their sexual behavior is out of control? 0:00 – Intro & Recap 1:15 – Distinguishing desire discrepancy and sex frequency. Having sex can actually lead to more desire after the fact. 2:39 – Sexual Health Principle: Honesty 3:03 – There is correlation between anti-masturbation attitudes and lack of knowledge about bodily responses. Parenting tip about honesty: Respond in a way that shows you’re grateful that you’re child is asking you and glad that they’re honest with you. This will make them a better partner in the future. 5:38 – Sexual Health Principle: Shared Values. Shared values = making sure we understand the meaning of sex, even in a case-by-case basis. 8:45 – Sexual Health Principle: Pleasure. 2011 definition of sexual health from the US Government removes the word “pleasure”. 12:18 –  If you don’t let children know that you know sex is supposed to feel good, you’ll appear ignorant.  Incorporating the concept of pleasure in dialogue with not only your child, but with partners. Remove shame from pleasure. 15:43 – Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life – Emily Nagoski  16:30 – Sex Addiction: Where can pleasure go wrong? Sex addiction became a popular conceptualization in the 1980s and was coupled with alcoholism and the advent of HIV. Idea that we cross a threshold into a way of functioning (addiction) and then can’t go back became commonplace thinking. Dialogue about pain of sex rather than pleasure. 21:00 – In the US, certified sex addiction therapists are not certified sex therapists. Sex addiction model is a trauma-focused model. Questioning the idea that something physiologically, psychologically has lead us into this disorder state. Instead thinking of it as a human problem rather than a disease. 23:00 – Braun-Harvey’s definition of out of control sexual behavior: When a person’s sexual urges, thoughts or behaviors feel out of control for them. 24:30 – Often dialogue about out of control sexual behavior comes after a period of secrecy. This can conflict with shared values. 26:00 – Example of a 20-year marriage in a non-sexual relationship. Husband is masturbating frequently, is discovered, and subsequently treated for sex addiction. Instead this is not a behavior to be overly concerned about. It’s consensual solo sex. 28:00 – Construction of sexual imagery as exploitative can lead to arguments. People individually need to determine when imagery becomes exploitive. Interpretation to case: After values conflict surrounding sexual imagery as exploitative or not, they both expressed that they had pleasure from experience and got to know each other better. Sharing who you are erotically is a great way to get to know your partner. 32:50 – Violating values. Idea of being compulsive or having a disease is actually just violating one or more of the principles.  How to find our guest. 35:00 – Wrap-up. Importance of having conversations about sexual health. Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior: Rethinking Sex Addiction. If you missed it, catch The first half of this interview here. Also hear a later, related podcast that refers to this series, an interview with Esther Perel on Infidelity, Love and Desire here. Want more podcasts like this or a way to discuss thi...
Sep 26, 2017
TU42: Sexual Vitality, Refreshing our Understanding of Sexual Health with Doug-Braun Harvey (Part 1 of 2)
52:03
Add pleasure back in to the conversation about healthy sex and the whole conversation changes! In this very sexy conversation (earphones around little kids are good idea for this one!), we talk about the balance between pleasure and safety as a way to think of sexual health.   “Sexual debut” vs losing our virginity… wow, how fun is that shift in thinking, for example? This is the first half of an extended conversation with Doug Braun-Harvey, co-author of Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior, Rethinking Sex Addiction, where Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss two of the six principles of sexual health as defined by Braun-Harvey. The following episode, Part 2, will cover the other 4! 0:00 – Intro 2:10 – Conception and construction of sexual health. How has sexual health been traditionally viewed and why has it typically been linked with fear/harm rather than pleasure? 3:45 – Move towards more balance of pleasure and safety when talking about sexual health 4:25 – Conversations about masturbation and pleasure with teenagers. 6:00 – Construction of pleasure as self-absorption vs. getting in tune with your own desires and setting natural boundaries. 7:10 – Sex therapy as discovering internal regulators so pleasure can be had. Most everyone has naturally occurring boundaries, they may have just not tapped into them yet when controlling their desire for pleasure. 8:36 – Outdated construction of sexual health prior to mid-1970s which focused primarily on no unplanned/unwanted pregnancy and no STIs. 9:26 – World Health Organization’s new definition of sexual health: Not just about having a disease, more about tension between parameters of sex around safety, respect and basic human conduct. 11:40 – Sexual Rights: 16 sexual rights added by the WHO 12:12 – Six Principles of Sexual Health: 1) Consent, 2) Non-Exploitation, 3) Protection from STIs and Unwanted Pregnancy, 4) Honesty, 5) Shared Value and 6) Pleasure. 15:15 – 1st Principle of Sexual Health: Consent 16:23 – Age of Consent 17:40 – Legal Definitions of Age of Consent 19:47 – Sex Drug-Linked Behavior 20:20 – Link between alcohol and sex 21:00 – Language of “making a sexual debut” versus “losing virginity” 22:20 – Most debated sexual value: when and how a person can make their sexual debut 24:30 – Difficulty in parents communicating with their children about making their sexual debut 25:44 – Introducing language and idea of consent at an early age 29:30 – Second Principle of Sexual Health: Non-Exploitation 30:52 – Exploitation in Adolescents, in relationship, in infidelity, power imbalance 36:00 – Language of “Sexual Images” rather than “Pornography” and cultural bias/norms associations with that 37:09 – What’s embedded in “infidelity”? 37:49 – Idea of a Sexual Agreement 39:02 – Withholding erotic turn-ons from partner vs. sharing them with partner 41:42 – Anecdote that relates eroticism to falling in love again 42:53 – Pain of losing love due to misunderstood sexual interests 43:43 – Consent and Exploitation in the home 45:31 – Non-Exploitation through make up sex 46:04 – Desire Discrepancy Want more podcasts like this or a way to discuss this episode? Dive right in and join our private online community of “neuronerds” on FB by joining or email list here. Please go straight to Part 2 of this interview here. Also hear a later, related podcast that refers to this one, an interview with Esther Perel on Infidelity, Love and Desire here. As if that’s not already enough… Even more resources here: Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior, Rethinking Sex Addiction by Doug Braun-Harvey Sexual Health and Recovery A Professional Counselors Manual, by Doug Braun-Harvey The Harvey Institute  The Harvey Institute is dedicated to helping individuals and organizations integrate sexual health principles and practices to improve personal well-being and rethink their organiza...
Sep 19, 2017
TU41: The Dark Side Of Therapy – Recognizing When The Therapeutic Relationship Goes Bad
39:53
IN THIS EPISODE: The Dark Side Of Therapy: Recognizing When The Therapeutic Relationship Goes Bad Show Note Queue Darth Vader music… we admit it, not all therapy is good therapy. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss the potential negatives in the therapeutic relationship – focusing on how a client might distinguish between good therapy, that’s tough at times and a genuinely dysfunctional relationship.  The difference between healthy dependency and one that erodes your sense of self is unpacked, as well as the idea of safe vulnerability that leads to change. Finally, they name the truth that one can feel held hostage by the therapist and the darker more harmful effects that can happen when therapy goes bad. Timeline 0:00 – Intro/Podcast Conference 2:48 – Recap on Episode 39 Therapeutic Relationship 3:41 – Introduction to dark side of therapy 4:12 – Types of discredited therapies: Conversion Therapy (coercive therapy that intends to change someone’s sexual orientation) Good therapy intends to assist self-exploration and colorful self expression 5:16 – Repressed memory therapy – Not helpful therapy and has potential to have traumatic outcomes. 6:12 – Sometimes therapists abuse role in exploitative way – Make sure your therapist is licensed and accredited 7:17 – What is good therapy that is hard and what is a dysfunctional relationship? It can be hard to tell the difference. Those who have experienced relational injuries and then begin to feel safe with the therapeutic relationship might feel unsafe and begin to evoke and enact what they need help healing. Therapists want to help you listen to your gut. 10:12 – Go for the connection in the therapeutic relationship and talk about relationships and attachment. Having a new experience where patient can unfold and be more themselves and be understood & recognized for who they are is in essence, therapy. Beginning to know what you think and feel already begins work on trauma. 11:51 – One of the dangers of working deeply especially with trauma is if it moves too quickly.  Sometimes the patient can feel like they’re being held captive by the therapist or acting as a narcissistic extension of the therapist 12:47 – Narcissistic Extension – Therapists as humans have their own needs and desires to be helpful but the client can potentially feel need to satisfy and gain approval from therapist in power differential. 15:43 – Therapists are in a position to keep clients hostage through barring the door by making clients feel guilty or shamed for trying to leave – Therapists need to understand desire to leave and affirm right to do so. Exploration is good but guilt and shame is something else. Respect boundaries of patient. Allow them to explore the urge to leave or to act and leave. If it was wrong move they will figure that out and return on their own accord to you or someone else to resume. 22:12 – Sometimes clients can be difficult but this is healthy and normal. Discomfort directed at the therapist or expression of suicidal ideation can sometimes lead to a premature end to the therapeutic relationship. Therapist-initiated termination is a huge risk and always complicated and potentially harmful. 24:31 – Boundaries are important to talk about in the therapeutic relationship. No romance, sexuality or bargaining. Letting the boundaries slowly slip a little bit and eventually crossing the line can be extremely harmful to clients. Doing something like stopping a session on time despite making ground or even just collecting payment are healthy, loving professional acts in the relationship. 28:43 – Basic goal for patients in therapy: you should be getting better, not feel shamed intrinsically from relationship. One can expect positive, challenging, growth-enhancing language from therapist. 29:10 – Something to look for: Do you have the capacity to give therapist feedback and have them use it productively?
Aug 31, 2017
TU40: Meditation And Neuroplasticity Provide a Path To Healing – An Interview With Sarah Peyton
38:27
IN THIS EPISODE: Meditation And Neuroplasticity Provide a Path To Healing: An Interview With Sarah Peyton Show Notes Patty Olwell interviews Sarah Peyton, author of Your Resonant Self: Guided Meditations & Exercises to Engage Your Brain’s Capacity for Healing on the neuroscience of language and emotions. Their discussion covers Sarah’s background in non-violent communication and her more recent work with the impact of specific interventions and meditations to foster brain plasticity and empathy towards ourselves and others. They explore what kinds of language can we use that lets brains relax and move into a space of fluidity? How does this relate to healing from trauma? What kind of language do we use with ourselves to develop empathy? How do we develop an inner voice of understanding rather than self-criticism?   Timeline 0:00 Intro 1:44 – What drew Sarah Peyton to this work – First non-violent communication (Marshall Rosenberg) Rosenberg weekend – first time hearing that use of language 3:51 – How non-violent communication works like therapy – a place where people listen rather than just try to problem solve – what happens when you use feeling words & how it changes the activity of the amygdala – (Matthew Lieberman) 4:40 – Matthew Lieberman study of facial expressions –when you accurately name the facial expression/emotions you’re seeing, the activity in the amygdala falls by half- people using language differently put Peyton into a space of fluidity (there is always an amygdala response to intense facial expressions) 5:29 – Daniel Siegel – Name it to tame it – Why does this work? 6:02 – What kinds of language do we use that lets brains relax and move into a space of fluidity? How does this relate to healing from trauma? How are brains impacted by trauma? Language as the neurotransmitters of human-ness – Verbal & nonverbal communication between two people 8:45 – Shift of focus from communication to brains – Daniel Siegel’s The Developing Mind, The Neurobiology of We 10:30 – How are we moved & changed by the words we use with one another? 12:00 – Dan Siegel’s contingent communication – how do our words reflect that we actually heard the other person? This quality comes through very subtly even in written communication 14:37 – Study of how Sarah Peyton used words with her children revealed the breaks & chasms between getting business of life done and having a relational connection 15:52 – What kind of language do we use with ourselves? Matthew Lieberman’s work with the default mode network. How do our minds think when there’s nothing else to process? When the brain is not directed towards something in particular, it reverses to default network. 18:07 – What is the automatic voice of our brain and can it be changed? 19:32 – Your Resonant Self: Guided Meditations & Exercises to Engage Your Brain’s Capacity for Healing – Speaking unkindly to yourself – Importance of warmth in language – Trauma impacts the default network – experiences of being alone create default networks that are trying to help us – How do we turn towards voice of understanding rather than self-critical voice? 22:31 – How to be precise with language: To be precise with what the feeling tone is. To be precise with what the deep longing is: survival, thriving, peace, room to grow, capacity to have your own timing, etc. Precision with what the timing of the trauma is – that the trauma is no longer happening – By using the past tense, the brain is using precision – What’s so upsetting is in the past and getting acknowledgment 25:01 – People often say yes most often when asked if they’re seeking acknowledgment for what happened in the past. Bonnie Badenoch’s study of Nepalese boy soldiers All boy soldiers had the same experience but the boys who went home to environments where they were received with welcome had much lower rates of PTSD than environment where they were excluded.
Aug 22, 2017
TU39: Getting What You Want From Therapy – The Essentials Of A Therapeutic Relationship
38:55
IN THIS EPISODE: Getting What You Want From Therapy: The Essentials Of A Therapeutic Relationship Show Notes Dr. Ann Kelley, Sue Marriott & Patty Olwell chat about the importance of building a strong therapeutic relationship with clients. We’ll discuss how feelings of love, hate, disappointment, excitement and more between a therapist and a patient are not only normal, but even potentially essential to working towards healing. They break-down counter-transference and how mutual influence works to help clients grow. Timeline 0:00-0:27 Intro Questions 0:27- Possibilities for Therapist-Client relationship (potential for harm from power differential in the relationship OR neural sculpting) – When choosing a therapist, be prepared to be changed by this new relationship. Therapists are permanently changed once attached to clients – mutual sculpting 1:53 –Old analytic model of psychotherapy – therapist as flat, neutral agent. Therapist actually can influence the client. Relationship as we know it now is not unidirectional – the most healing agent is the relationship in psychotherapy. 2:30 – How to pick a therapist – interview several 2:54 – What to do if you’re experiencing love, hate, disappointment, excitement, etc. in a relationship with your therapist The General Theory of Love – it’s normal to feel these feelings and it also may be essential to the healing agent 4:36 – Now that you understand these feelings are normal – what next? Talk about them with your therapist – express your feelings, then let process begin – However this experience may be regressive and if the therapist isn’t willing to help you may have to move on 6:44 – How to discern when emotional events are part of the therapeutic process of working through past trauma or when it’s harmful and retraumatizing Hope to have a different outcome than in the past – We can learn that we have difficult feelings or conflicts but it doesn’t have to end the relationship. It is possible to talk about and process these feelings with your therapist. 8:22 Discerning between healthy and unhealthy emotions in relationship Openness & willingness to talk through – Discomfort is part of journey towards healing 9:20 – Difference between feeling uncomfortable and actually being unsafe – Nesting Dolls – Problem of acting or thinking a certain way only around therapist versus outside the office 11:00 – Feeling safe, then feeling vulnerable when seeking advice in therapy 11:57 – Therapists need to follow the clients lead when someone comes in seeking career advice or a quick fix for a problem – If client isn’t ready or interested in deep processing we can move as quickly or as slowly as they need. 13:05 – Therapists want patients to find answer themselves, but often also want to be helpful – problem of giving/expecting advice 14:37 – Counter-transference – Therapists feelings get brought up – Therapy as an interpersonal dance 20:30 – Sue’s anecdote about the pay less price tag – compared to being in a family where you can’t name the embarrassing/traumatizing element in your life 22:31 – See therapist in a way that allows client to express emotions 27:00 – Empathy in therapists – don’t want to deny clients the power position in power differential 27:51 – As a client there’s a felt need to not have to take care of therapist in terms – expectation of a certain level of maturity, experience, intelligence, etc. ; have a bigger, stronger other that allows you to be “messy” 28:30 – How and why a boundary is important in a therapeutic relationship – need to feel safe – Frame (time, space, money) – Frame will not be broken 31:03 – Wrap up: All these thoughts & feelings are acceptable – Talk about them with therapist and if they can’t handle it then consider a new one – but first tell your therapist you’re frustrated and you’re looking for a new one, don’t just fire them – There’s a potential to deepen the relationship
Aug 14, 2017
TU38: The Blended Family – How to Create Strong and Lasting Step-Family Relationships
54:52
IN THIS EPISODE: The Blended Family: How to Create Strong and Lasting Step-Family Relationships Show Notes This episode breaks it down by debunking the most popular myths and giving specific do’s and don’ts to help you create secure long-lasting families no matter their origin. Blended Family Myths Wicked stepmothers and red-headed step children – our psyche with the help of Disney often portrays step-families through a suspicious lens. However, only 23% of families are made up of two heterosexual biological parents in their first marriage. So called “weird” families such as blended, same-sex parents, adoption and foster, grandparents parenting, polyamorous and so on are the new normal. Adults living with biologically unrelated children have unique challenges, and in this episode we focus specifically on blended families. Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss common myths as well as tips toward achieving a healthy blended family bond. We unpack the tensions that often emerge as two cultures come together and deliver practical solutions for how to avoid pitfalls and build a foundation that helps the process of reconstituting a new gaggle go smoother. Also, gender and developmental differences are discussed – you may be surprised that sons and daughters respond differently. Finally same-sex headed families are also discussed, the unique strethgs and challenges within these families. Hey glbtq – headed parents out there – don’t worry we totally have your back. We are all about it and are working on an entire episode on the beautiful and unique gifts of glbtq families coming to your podcast player soon. Timeline 0:50 – Intro 2:27–Blended family 3:52–Myth 1 of Blended Families: Stepfamilies are not as healthy as “real” families. 5:50–Why children struggle more than those in first-marriage, intact families andhow to prevent it 7:26–Effect of divorce on children–socio-economic drop and severe change of routine should be prevented 8:34–Whatever you do, don’t mess with the mind of the child in how they see theother parent (ie.alter the child’s internalized image of the other parent). 9:50–Myth 2 of Blended Families: Stepfamilies break up more often and that is a bad thing 13:36–Myth 3 of Blended Families: Children who come from divorced and thenblended families will likely struggle in life. (All families have problems–step families are just more exposed and therefore vulnerable) 14:45–Difference between boys & girls transitions becoming stepchildren 17:00–Time helps everyone–How can we expedite the process of feeling like afamily and speed up the process? 17:50–When parent’s sense of fantasy and pressure to get it right and rushing the process leads to combustible outcomes. 18:50–Being around parents that are overtly affectionately in love can be difficult for children and may increase the tension within the child or between the child andparent/stepparent. Many times children haven’t seen parents fall in love 21:25–Idealized fantasy of second marriage & pressure to get it right the 2nd time around 22:23–Blending families = blending two cultures (Don’t try to create one united front) 27:50–Differences in administering discipline is a frequent source of conflict in blended families (Permissive parents vs. boundary-setting parents) 28:50–Don’t step into direct-disciplinary role for the first year as a step-parent. Working towards a non-polarized, firm, loving place where child still has boundaries 33:05–The more stuck a child gets in an outside position, more potentially damaging (Bio parent & step parent need to have empathy for child who might be shifted into an outside position) 38:12–Tip: Watch for losses and loyalty bonds and changes (Loss of parental attention is a major theme in step-children) 39:30–Forming traditions that are unique to both families 40:00–Ex-spouse & custody issues–Collaborative co-parenting is ideal,
Jul 26, 2017
TU37: Organizing The Disorganized – Understanding The Elusive Attachment Category
26:10
IN THIS EPISODE: Organizing The Disorganized: Understanding The Elusive Attachment Category Show Notes Disorganized attachment states of mind happen to us all. We temporarily get lost in a jumble and it’s difficult to track what is happening… but for some this is a more serious concern that can reflect much of how we feel much of the time. By popular request, we begin to unravel the last attachment category and update current thinking that includes those who have unresolved trauma, loss or have had caregivers who were frightening. Disorganized Attachment In this episode, Sue Marriott, Patty Olwell and Dr. Ann Kelley discuss this oft-overlooked fourth category; disorganized attachment and how it affects our adult lives. We go over it’s development and move to our current thinking on what it includes. We’ll talk about how attachment is formed as a survival skill and how loss, trauma and frightening caregivers transport individuals to disorganized spaces. Towards the end you’ll learn how relationships can provide safety and security in neurobiological terms, and how you can affect change for yourself or a loved one. Timeline 0:00 -1:53 Intro 1:53 – 3:49 Quick review of attachment & underlying organized dynamics (Secure & Insecure) Insecure attachment (Insecure Preoccupied & Insecure Avoidant) 3:49 – 4:18 Data on attachment and historical figures (John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, Mary Main) 4:18 – Attachment as biological imperative & cross cultural – everyone has an attachment system 4:59 Three distinct categories – The addition of the fourth distinct disorganized attachment category (The Strange Situation) 6:54 – The problem of disorganization in adults rather than children (update) – Applying data to real life individual people – Disorganization/attachment as a spectrum 7:59 – How can we begin to move towards the middle (secure) including the disorganized? 9:32 – Buckets instead of a category 10:19 – What does disorganized attachment look like in an adult? What does “unresolved” mean? Losing mentalization & context, disorganization in parents 11:59 – Frightening caregivers – Deborah Jacobvitz 12:51 – Moving unresolved into resolved space – Narrative coherence (resolved) Unresolved taking too much information forward so you can’t forget about the stress event or events bad (in the form of nightmares, intrusions, and pre-occupations) 15:03 Other side of unresolved – avoidance of incident/trauma 16:09 – Children with trauma don’t have narrative coherence – body remembers incident but it’s fragmented 17:09 = Clinicians that came in after Ainsworth Main and Bowlby – Patricia Crittenden (student of Ainsworth). Keeping the caregiver available. 20:09 – Finding an organized state balanced between thinking and feeling 21:00 – What to do in order to heal (developing trust is key to healing) 22:00 – Biology of attachment 23:00 – Free Online Course on Modern Adult Attachment coming soon, along with others that will include Advanced Studies – join the waiting list for the free course at www.therapistuncensored.eventbrite.com 25:47 – Outro Therapist Uncensored Online Course – Reserve your spot now! In addition if you enjoyed this, we will be providing much more from a synthesis of the latest and greatest ideas out there for intervention, prevention and clinical work for those of us that didn’t come by secure relating in the old-fashioned way, from parents. For those that are having to work to earn it or who treat people with attachment insecurities, we have an online course coming up soon. Email us at info@www.therapistuncensored.com to reserve your slot and we will send you more details of the course as it unveils.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Patricia Crittendon and Andrea Landini: Assessing Adult Attachment A Dynamic-Maturational Approach to Discourse Analysis (2011) Book that updates the previous attachment literature specific to clinic...
Jul 18, 2017
TU36: The Neuroscience Of Psychotherapy – An Interview With Louis Cozolino
31:45
  IN THIS EPISODE: The Neuroscience Of Psychotherapy: An Interview With Louis Cozolino You may also be interest to hear an updated interview with Lou Cozolino Neurofluency    Show Notes Patty Olwell and Louis Cozolino have a wide-ranging discussion of interpersonal neurobiology and how it explains why good therapy works. They also use this lens to talk about why good teachers are effective. Finally, they touch on Cozolino’s current work around executive function and it’s importance in being a good manager. Why Psychotherapy Works Cozolino discusses how he views psychotherapy as a learning context where the therapist is trying to stimulate learning and change in the client. Neuroscience focuses on brain plasticity and what stimulates learning and change in the brain. As he studied both these interests he was struck by the realization that “psychotherapy had been guided by the invisible hand of neroplastic principles from the beginning”.These are just two different lenses to look at the same process. Common Factors He outlined four common factors that are necessary to foster neuroplasticity and effective therapy. Establishing a safe relationship – learning and change can only take place in safety. Mild to moderate stress – some stress fosters plasticity but beyond a certain threshold the brain systems that control change and learning shut down. Activation of thinking and feeling – you can’t think your way through therapy nor can you feel your way through therapy. He posits that integrating neural systems that are dedicated to the left side (biased toward cognition) and right side (biased toward emotion) of the brain is underlying the effectiveness of psychotherapy. Creating a new adaptive personal story – effective therapy creates a story that includes an explaination of what went wrong and an explanation of what you have to do to correct it and move toward health. Cozolino says the stories contain a memory for the future.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Louis Cozolino:The Neuroscience of Psychotherapy: Healing the Social Brain (Third Edition) (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) 2017 Louis Cozolino: The Neuroscience of Human Relationships: Attachment and the Developing Social Brain (Second Edition) (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) 2014 Louis Cozolino: Attachment-Based Teaching: Creating a Tribal Classroom (The Norton Series on the Social Neuroscience of Education) 2014 Louis Cozolino: Why Therapy Works: Using Our Minds to Change Our Brains (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) 2015 Louis Cozolino: The Social Neuroscience of Education: Optimizing Attachment and Learning in the Classroom (The Norton Series on the Social Neuroscience of Education) 2013 These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!   Tweet
Jul 10, 2017
TU35: Sexuality From A Neurobiological Perspective
48:23
IN THIS EPISODE: Sexuality From A Neurobiological Perspective In this episode, our guest is Dr. Alexandra Katehakis, Ph.D., LMFT, who is the Founder and Clinical Director of the Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles, California and author of Sex Addiction As Affect Dysregulation: A Neurobiologically Informed Holistic Treatment, co-author of the multiple award-winning Mirror of Intimacy: Daily Reflections on Emotional and Erotic Intelligence, contributing author to Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts, and author of Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot Healthy Sex While in Recovery From Sex Addiction. Dr. Katehakis’ and Dr. Kelley engage in a sex-positive discussion on how neurobiology, affect regulation and sexuality intersect and impact our ability to express ourselves fully throughout our lives. This podcast answers such questions as: How do we engage our kids in a positive, non-shaming way about their developing sexuality? How can the experience of shame around sexual experiences at an early age lead to sexual compulsivity? How do you talk with our sexual partner/s about needs, desires, fears and wants in order to have sexual lives rich with vitality and excitement? How do psychoneurobiology, sex and trauma relate to one another? How can people restore their sexuality to something that’s true and beautiful for them? How has the availability of internet pornography shaped our culture, our brains and our sexual expression? How does one recognize and treat the signs of sexual compulsivity and sex addiction? Sexual addiction is addressed as a non-shaming and hopeful conceptualization that promotes successful treatment and secure relating.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Affect Dysregulation and Disorders of the Self Alan Schore Facing Recovery, Starting Relational and Sexual Recovery Patrick Carnes Brainstorm the Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain Dan Siegel Center for Healthy Sex Dr. Alexandra Katehakis Excellent PDF by Dr. Alexandra Katehakis shared with permission.  These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!   Tweet
Jun 29, 2017
TU34: Treating Attachment Difficulties with Dr. David Elliott
50:21
In this episode of Therapist Uncensored, Guest Dr. David Elliott presents the Three Pillars of treatment for attachment disruptions.  Besides background on why attachment matters and the prevalence of insecurity, we focus mostly on how to apply the science in trying to heal relational attachment injuries for our clients, or ourselves. Meeting David Elliott Dr. Elliott has had leadership roles in several professional organizations. He was President of the Rhode Island Psychological Association for a two-year term, during 2000 and 2001; and prior to that he was Chair of the Coalition of Mental Health Professionals of Rhode Island (COMHPRI), also for two years. Both organizations advocate for availability and access to high quality and affordable mental health services. Since 1998 Dr. Elliott has been on the faculty of and teaches annually at the International School for Psychotherapy, Counseling, and Group Leadership, in St. Petersburg, Russia. This three-year post-graduate program helps the therapists in training develop not only the professional skills necessary for effective therapy or leadership, but also the personal qualities that assure empathic, attuned, and ethically responsible professional activity. He is currently Chair of the International Advisory Board of the school. David Elliott is a clinician and consultant who works with trauma and co-author of Attachment Disturbances in Adults, Treatment for Comprehensive Repair(2016). Treating Attachment – today’s episode We knew we had to interview Dr. Elliott upon finding his book, Attachment Disturbances in Adults, Treatment for Comprehensive Repair(2016). It immediately became Sue’s current favorite read and that is saying a lot! We cover quite a lot in this podcast, especially about treatment, but if that still isn’t enough, these show notes are PACKED with PDF’s of great material offered by Dr. Elliott! Below you will find 4 full PDF handouts about the salient ideas of their synthesis of treatment for adults with attachment disruptions. Dr. Elliott introduces our audience to the 3 Pillars of Comprehensive Treatment: Ideal Parent Protocol, Metacognition and Fostering Collaborative Capacity. While he touches on them all, please download the 4 PDF attachments provided below, and start by reviewing the Overview. Four PDFs Overview of the Three Pillars Model of Attachment Treatment (Brown & Elliott, 2016) The Five Primary Conditions that Promote Secure Attachment (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Levels of Metacognitive Skills (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Fostering Collaborative Capacity and Behavior (Brown & Elliott, 2016)   _______ It’s too late to attend, but just so ya know this happened…. We were so impressed with his work Therapist Uncensored brought Dr. Elliott to Austin Texas for the first live professional conference we’ve hosted spun directly off the podcast in March of 2018. It was co-hosted by Austin IN Connection, an incredible non-profit supporting the the dissemination of the attachment sciences. RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Daniel Brown, co-author of Attachment Disturbances in Adults This is his current website, which focuses on his meditation and spiritual development activities. Attachment Disturbances in Adults Treatment for Comprehensive Repair (2016) Daniel Brown andDavid Elliott  Clinical Application of the Adult Attachment Interview Edited by Howard Steele and Mariam Steele Our favorite clinical reference for those that want to learn much more deeply about using the AAI to treat attachment and learn about its usefulness with various populations. Video of Strange Situation to familiarize yourself with Mary Ainsworth and later Mary Main’s phenomenal work. These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page! If you loved this podcast episode- then you will definitely want to check out our new course… Our advanced course on attachment and neuroscience has bee...
Jun 21, 2017
TU33: Adverse Childhood Experiences – A Roadmap To Understanding And Treatment
17:52
IN THIS EPISODE: Adverse Childhood Experiences: A Roadmap To Understanding And Treatment Show Notes Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACES) ACES was a ground breaking study where over 17,000 members of a Kaiser Permanente HMO were surveyed about childhood exposure to trauma. They were asked about ten areas: Physical abuse Sexual abuse Emotional abuse Physical neglect Emotional neglect Mother treated violently Household substance abuse Household mental illness Parental separation or divorce Incarcerated household member Findings The study found that Adverse Childhood Experiences were common. They tended to occur together. And finally the higher the number of them an individual was exposed to the more predictive they were of future health, social and behavioral problems. Subsequent studies have confirmed these findings and continue to expand our understanding of the prevalence of exposure to Adverse Childhood Experiences across different populations and geography. Intervention The strong links to future health, social and behavioral problems has called attention to the need for interventions to prevent Adverse Childhood Experiences and to treat individuals that already have an exposure to them. Interventions are being implemented in education, criminal justice, social services and many other areas. Some pediatricians are screening mothers and kids to identify risks and vulnerabilities or to understand behavior problems. Many schools focus on creating trauma-focused classrooms that help kids calm their nervous systems in order to allow them to focus on learning. Conclusion These exposures can become signposts or “witness marks” to point us toward where attention and treatment are needed to reduce future risks     RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: ACES: Adverse Childhood Experiences Study Once you have your ACES Score, go here to understand what it means. Now that you’ve taken the ACE Survey, take the resilience survey here! Childhood Disrupted – How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology and How You Can Heal Check out this interactive graphic, Consequences of Lifetime Exposure to Violence COLEVA — Consequences of lifetime exposure to violence and abuse. Go there to learn more and see more references to the detailed original research. These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!   Tweet
Jun 16, 2017
TU32: Mentalizing – Breaking Down A Critical Component For Secure Relating With Tina Adkins
56:05
IN THIS EPISODE: Mentalizing: Breaking Down a Critical Component for Secure Relating with Tina Adkins, Phd Show Notes Mentalizing seems easy – but actually is quite complex. Thinking accurately about our own and others minds is such a core skill that many consider it a pre-condition for self-soothing, empathy and other facets of emotional intelligence and social-emotional maturity. It is also something that one can learn at any time in life, so it’s never too late to improve in this capacity for yourself or your children! Mentalizing and Attachment Of course this is directly related to attachment styles, which is part of our interest. The coolest thing is that you don’t have to have even earned security to learn to do it and interrupt the unintended transmission of insecure relating! We used to think you had to have years of intensive psychotherapy or a long-term secure relationship to convert to earned secure in order to naturally parent in a way that doesn’t transmit the insecure internal working models to our kids. Now we know that with short-term cognitive interventions we can teach this particular skill and that alone improves the attachment security outcome for children of high risk parents. This is exciting! When early caregivers are unable to reflect on their children’s state of mind, these kids do not receive the active and ongoing feedback they require to develop this important capacity. This is big, because without this skill they do not learn how to understand their own thoughts, feelings, and motivations; nor the thoughts, feelings, and motivations of others. Mentalization is what enables us to develop a sense of identity and the capacity to understand both our own feelings and motivations; and those of others. Keeping Your Own and Others’ Minds in Mind Dan Siegel calls it Mindsight, it’s also been called Reflective Function and Metacognition, but it all basically refers to being able to accurately see your own mind as it works – body, feelings, thoughts, and other people’s minds as they are whirling away, to infer the attitudes, motivations, affect and feeling behind the thinking. The better we are at mentalizing the more securely we relate. Dr. Adkins breaks down the concept and skills required, it’s simple but not as easy as it seems. Her work in the foster care system is truly revolutionary, but these skills can be applied to adoption, children in general, and adults wanting to improve on their feelings of insecurity in the world. Biography Tina Adkins, PhD, is a Research Associate at the University of Texas at Austin, School of Social Work. She completed her PhD in Theoretical Psychoanalysis under the direction of Peter Fonagy and Patrick Luyten at University College London and the Anna Freud Center, specializing in attachment based interventions for foster/adopted children and their families. Her work in London resulted in a promising psychoeducational intervention for foster/adoptive parents designed to increase their mentalizing skills. Her research and clinical work continue to focus on the development and assessment of mentalization in parents and families.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Tina Adkins: : Family Minds An Attachment-based Mentalizing Psycho-Educational Intervention for Foster and Adoptive Parents Tina Adkins: Why being reflective is so important for foster and adopted children Peter Fonagy (2015): Affect Regulation Mentalization and the Development of the Self J O Hagelquist, foreward by Peter Fonagy (2016): The Mentalization Guidebook Regina Pally (2017): The Reflective Parent – How to Do Less and Relate More with Your Kids  These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!   Tweet
May 24, 2017
TU31: Attachment on a Spectrum – Navigating Adult Insecurity and Security
39:43
The Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum - Navigating Adult Insecurity Use the attachment sciences in real life, outside the lab or therapy office!   Therapist Uncensored presents a new tool (this podcast shares an earlier version of tool that evolved...) using the science of attachment for your own healing and growth, or to faciliate therapy with clients with attachment disruptions. By incorporating research that looks at attachment on a spectrum rather than in research quadrants we translate the research for practical, user-friendly real-life use. Click image above to open. Attachment on a Spectrum It’s been awhile since we’ve talked specifically about attachment.  Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley have been hard at work creating tools to teach the research-based science into clinically-oriented practical tools. In this episode we are going to discuss it again more from a clinical perspective rather than from a research perspective. We are focusing on research updated within the past decade including Patricia Crittendon (see graph). We are examining attachment on a spectrum rather than fixed styles. It may not sound a whole lot different on the surface; however, this is an real update from Bowlby, Main and Ainsworth. This conversation sets us up to do more clinical intervention that we will discuss in later episodes. Attachment is a biologically based drive that helps mammals survive by gaining safety, comfort and pleasure from their caregivers. Cultures can greatly impact the type of attachment that is normalized. No matter where you start, you can grow towards attachment security, what we call “earned security.” We may anchor more in one area, but move in the continuum depending on situation/relationship. From research to the consulting room... to your living room Previous assessment measures such as the AAI scored speakers that switched styles as disorganized.  However, the newer clinical research such as the DMM interprests speakers who switch styles as having different attachments to different caregivers.  In addition, different stressors may elicit differnt strategies (low stress low preoccupation, high stress, high dismissiveness for example).   In this view, they aren’t necessarily disorganized at all! Regardless of where you begin, the work is to move more and more toward the middle toward secure relating. Rather than utility…let me fix your emotions…it is better to help the individual feel it, express it and utilize relationships to help regulate themselves. States vs Traits We outline the continuum… From Dismissive (blue) to Secure (green) to Preoccupied (red) (See graph above). The more in the middle, the healthier use of the relationships, at either end of continuum, we get further and further away from what is going to help us, especially relationships. Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum Blue-this side emphasizes thinking/uses emotional shut down Green – balances between cognition and affect Red…this side emphasizes emotions! Lots of words! When we lean too far right on the preoccupied side, we get caught in the feeling! Get flooded, and lose our listener, not enough internal resources to soothe self AND reach for the other.. As we are reaching, we are panicked because we don’t believe they will be there AND we don’t believe we can survive if they aren’t! It’s an emotional conundrum. Then we engage in behaviors that end up overwhelming those in relationship with us. Thus they pull away and confirm the reality that no one will be there. When we lean too far left, on the avoidant/dismissive side, we get too rational and sort of cold, and our task is to get our hearts back on-line, and to feel our needs again. When we lean too far on the right side, we get consumed with our own feelings and become blamey, clingy and underestimate our contribution to the problem. It’s best to take ourselves most seriously by reconnecting to the person we are interested in being comforted by,
May 17, 2017
TU30: The Stages of Change – A Roadmap to Readiness
27:30
IN THIS EPISODE: The Stages of Change: A Roadmap to Readiness Show Notes Figure out where you are in the change cycle to be more efficient at stopping your drinking, weed smoking or over-eating. Be more effective with others by identifying where they are in the change cycle. In this episode we talk about an old addictions concept, the Stages of Change by DiClemente and Prochaska, and apply it to many trouble spots in life. Stages of change model starts with Precontemplation and moves to Contemplation, Preparation, Action, Maintenance, Relapse….The idea here is recognize that a whole lot happens in the noggin well before you see any action to fix the problem behavior. We also discuss it from a 4-part perspective, which we call Process of Change Unconscious dysfunctional behavior – help the person have a reason to change, encourage exploration, leave door open for future conversations, don’t be controlling or aggressive here, talk about your needs not theirs Conscious dysfunctional behavior – ambivalent feelings usually present, help sort out pros and cons but don’t take just one side, encourage further exploration Conscious functional behavior – lot’s of support, no shame with failure, identify and assist problem solving of obstacles, small steps good, link with social support Unconscious functional behavior – keep practicing and it’ll move here, continue to get support and connect to values, cope w/ relapse, move from external motivation to internal   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Process of Change: PDF visual representation of Process of Change Prochaska JO, DiClemente CC, Norcross JC: In search of how people change. Am Psychol 1992;47:1102–4, Miller WR, Rollnick S: Motivational interviewing: preparing people to change addictive behavior. New York: Guilford, 1991:191–202. Gabor Mate: In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts nothing glib or self-helpish about this book, thorough and compelling look at addiction throughout our society. Recommended by TU. Maia Szalavitz: Unbroken Brain, A Revolutionary New Way of Understanding Addiction New York Times best-seller, paradigm-shifting These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!   Tweet
May 10, 2017
TU29: Understanding Adolescent Self-Consciousness From A Brain-Wise Perspective
28:37
IN THIS EPISODE: Understanding Adolescent Self-Consciousness From A Brain-Wise Perspective Show Notes Listening to a teenager obsess about the pimple on their cheek or other body part that doesn’t look right and that in their mind is glowing neon can be hard to empathize with. The extreme level of adolescent self-consciousness seems oddly self-absorbed from an adult vantage point. In this episode, we discuss the science behind what makes this experience so universal for this developmental age period. We will also help distinguish between what types of adolescent self-consciousness to expect and which types to keep an eye on if a bit too excessive. Finally, we give the listeners concrete recommendations on how to help parents and adolescents cope with this period in their lives, especially when you become the subject of their embarrassment. RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Leah H. Somerville, Rebecca M. Jones, Erika J. Ruberry, Jonathan P. Dyke, Gary Glover, and BJ Casey: Medial prefrontal cortex and the emergence of self-conscious emotion in adolescence. Sage Journals, Vol. 24 Issue 8 2013 Julie C. Bowker and Kenneth H. Rubin:Self-consciousness, friendship quality, and adolescent internalizing problems. Br J Dev Psychol. 2009 Jun; 27(0 2): 249–267. Dan Siegel: Brainstorm:Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!   Tweet
May 03, 2017
TU28: Minding Anxiety-How To Reduce Noise In The System
35:17
IN THIS EPISODE Minding Anxiety: How To Reduce Noise In The System Our Survival Brain Our brains evolved to be alert for threats. It was valuable to be scanning our environment for predators, planning escape routes and rehearsing contingencies when we were living on the savannah. Today rather than facing being eaten by a predator, our stressors are more likely to be a conflict with our spouse, a difficult boss, financial worries. But our brain reacts the same way it did when faced with a saber toothed tiger. Our emotions and nervous system are hijacked by our brain into survival mode. But because there isn’t a discrete threat, we can be caught in a continuous cycle of anxiety and worry. Relief From Anxiety When we are worrying or anxious we are not present in our own lives. This can affect our health, our relationships and diminish our sense of wellbeing and ability to enjoy life. We outline a three part exercise to find relief from anxiety. The first part of that exercise is to pause and identify what is the worry. Ask yourself what is the story you are telling yourself. When you are clear on the worry, move down into your body and try and feel what the emotions are connected to that story. Try to stay in your body and really feel those difficult feelings. Don’t go back into the story. When you are ready comfort yourself. Extend compassion to yourself. Co-hosts Sue and Patty offer personal examples of how to move through the process with stories from their experience.     RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Tara Brock – Finding True Refuge: Meditations for Difficult Times Tara Brock– Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha Kristen Neff– The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions Jon Kabat-Zinn– Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!   Tweet
Apr 28, 2017
TU27: Raising Secure Children With Guest Tina Payne Bryson
34:22
Let's Talk Parenting... In this episode co-host Sue Marriott interviews attachment expert Tina Payne Bryson about the real challenges of staying attuned and connected while raising children. It’s a no-nonsense conversation that offers parents practical steps to increase the odds of raising secure kids. For child-free individuals it’s also a great conversation about what we needed but may not have gotten, so it’s a good listen for those needing to develop more self-empathy. We discuss how to stay curious, peel back the layers and recognize the behavior as communication.Tina Payne Bryson explains the problem with Time Out, and what to do instead. Then we discuss how to move out of reactive states of mind in order to be ready to teach (discipline) your child, and how to help your child be ready to receive (learn from) our highly valuable feedback. 🙂 In addition we cover ruptures and repairs, and the gap between over and under-invested parents. Practical ideas such as the 4 S’s: safe, secure, seen and soothed are explained. We end with two key pieces of advice for all parents – soothe your child especially when they are in heightened distress (read: often when they are behaving badly), and soothe yourself as needed (balancing autonomy and connection is a sign of security). Finally, listeners are advised to keep challenging what you think you know!   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Printable PDF — The Whole Brain Child with permission by Tina Payne Bryson. Printable PDF — No Drama Discipline refrigerator sheet, with permission by Tina Payne Bryson Tina Payne Bryson website has tons of free resources. The Center for Connection – more resources here Tina Payne Bryson and Dan Siegel: No Drama Discipline Workbook Exercises, Activities and Practical Stragegies Tina Payne Bryson and Dan Siegel: The Whole Brain Child Tina Payne Bryson and Dan Siegel: No Drama Discipline   These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!   Tweet
Apr 18, 2017
TU26: Live Conversation With Austin In Connection About Interpersonal Neurobiology
37:20
In this special episode, we take you deep in the heart of Austin TX where therapists gather to learn, study and practice the relational sciences and interpersonal neurobiology. Austin IN Connection is the largest organized gathering of local therapists studying and applying this research in the world. In today’s episode, co-hosts Patty Olwell Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott turn the mics around and let the world hear from these experienced clinicians and students, and share with them and all of you the most important and useful applied concepts of interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB). Personally we can say it was the most ambitious episode we’ve recorded to date, we are therapists first and podcasters second, and we are still within our first year of podcasting so we are still figuring things out. To record live, unscripted and to a highly respected and well-trained audience of friends and peers was… well, nerve-wracking to say the least. The first half we intentionally did not record, and shared conversation and sanctuary with this diverse community of therapists. We also shared some of the history of AINC in it’s 10th year of existence now and even how Year of Conversations came to have its name (Sue Marriott was co-founder of AINC and Patty Olwell former President, so it was nice to be back continuing the journey of getting the word out to the world about the importance and relevance of the relational sciences). Once we began recording we managed to cover our favorite useful concepts such as the window of tolerance, the triangle of well-being, neural integration, neural wi-fi, co-regulation, FACES flow, pre-frontal cortex functions and we even slipped in a mention of the 9 domains of integration. This was all explored in the context of cultural and familial strain post-election. We want to send a very special and specific thank you to everyone who attended the event, and a huge shout out to all those brave enough to speak up, you were speaking for the group and your words were inspirational. Thank you! This podcast was recorded live at Austin In Connection’s Friday February 3, 2017 Year of Conversation   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Steven Vasquez (Austin therapist and participant in podcast): Spiritually Transformative Therapy: Repairing Spiritual Damage and Facilitating Extreme Well-being Dan Siegel and Marion Solomon: Healing Trauma: Attachment Mind Body and Brain Dan Siegel: The Developing Mind Dr. Dan Siegel’s core textbook on IPNB Get Dan Siegel’s introduction chapter PDF from the Developing Mind by visiting our podcast Episode 16 Austin In Connection an Austin, Tx professional organization that brings information about relationships, parenting, and psychological well being to our professional community and to the public  These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!   Tweet
Apr 03, 2017
TU25: Ping Pong Vs. Catch: Turning Communication from Competition to Connection
30:30
Enhancing Communication Learn how playing a good game of emotional pitch and catch can immediately improve your communications.  Sometimes hearing the words “Can we talk?!?” can fill you with anticipation and dread. And once we feel a bit of threat, it does not bode well for how that “talk” could end up despite our best intentions. Strategy To Improve Communication In today’s episode, we explore why and how this response happens and share strategies to help make these interactions more fulfilling. By visualizing the difference in two sports, Ping Pong and Catch, we help listeners conceptualize the body’s response to different listening states and “feel” their way to more open and engaging interactions.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Krista Tippett – On Being, audio of tables turned and Krista being interviewed for a change. Krista Tippett – Becoming Wise, An Inquiry Into the Mystery and Art of Living Steven Bergman – Men’s Psychological Development, A Relational Perspective Stephen Mitchell – Hope and Dread in Psychoanalysis It’s Not About the Nail – Humorous free short communication video training for couples These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page! Need CEU's??  We've got you covered, use OURCLAN for 10% off – It's Not Me It's My Amygdala – Advanced Course Connecting the Sciences of the Mind to Everyday Relationships FOUR hours of quality content and 3 CE's available to professionals. Since you are this deep into our show notes, then you are indeed one of our peeps and thus invited to be part of our clan  GET 10% off this signature course by using code OURCLAN!  – To get more of this kind of in-depth discussion with quality content and real-world healing – join us on FB where you can find more of your peeps.  Want even more than that?  Join our Neuronerd Patreon community at patreon.com/therapistuncensored for as little as $5 per month.   Join us now. Tweet
Mar 27, 2017
TU24: Grief And Our Body’s Wisdom On Surviving It With Candyce Ossefort-Russell
59:09
Grief: a natural process to heal the violation of loss.  Candyce Ossefort-Russell and co-hosts Ann Kelley and Patty Olwell discuss what grief is, how our culture views it and how to understand and help ourselves and others navigate the healing journey through mourning and loss.  What Is Grief? Grief is the natural healing process that we experience when our emotions and bodies are confronted with loss of an important person, relationship or role. Loss disregulates our nervous system and our self organization. The podcast describes how destabilizing this can be and how different the process can look from individual to individual. Our Cultures View Of Grief Our culture looks at grief as something to be cured rather than a natural healing process that needs to occur. And our discomfort with grief can often leave the person suffering the loss feeling isolated and cut off from relationships that could help them recover from their loss. How Can We Help Someone Suffering From Loss? Candyce discusses how unwavering fearless support from at least one important person while journeying through the grief process can be invaluable. The acceptance of the individuals process rather than trying to fix them or pathologize the way they are grieving should be the priority. Thanks to our interviewee Candyce Ossefort-Russell! www.candycecounseling.com To get Your Grief is Your Own, a free e-book by Candyce that follows up on this podcast, go to: bit.ly/griefdownload   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Ossefort-Russell, C. (December, 2013). Grief Calls for Presence, Not Treatment: Using Attachment and IPNB to Shift Grief’s Context From Pathology to Acceptance. Journal ofInterpersonal Neurobiology Studies. Vol II, 2013. Journal of IPNB Studies, Vol II 2013 – Grief Article Ossefort-Russell, C. (March, 2011). Individuals Grieve: AEDP as an Effective Approach for Grief as a Personal Process. In Transformance: The AEDP Journal, Issue 1(2). Transformance Article, Pub 03 2011 Ossefort-Russell, C. (Spring, 2009). Working With Affect: Love (Mixed With Intuition) Is All You Need. In The Voice: Newsletter of the Austin Group Psychotherapy Society. Working With Affect 2009 Ossefort, C. (Spring, 2003). On the Nature of Difficulty. In The Voice: Newsletter of the Austin Group Psychotherapy Society. Nature_of_Difficulty Ossefort, C. (Spring, 2001). Bearing Witness to Inconsolable Suffering. In The Voice: Newsletter of the Austin Group Psychotherapy Society. Bearing_Witness  These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!   Tweet
Mar 20, 2017
TU23: Building Grit Through Self Compassion with Dr. Kristin Neff
1:00:17
Co-host Dr. Ann Kelley interviews Dr. Kristen Neff, an Associate Professor at the University of Texas at Austin and a foremost author and expert in Self Compassion. Self compassion is fierce accountability that is core to psychological health… who knew?  Most of us think of it as being soft on yourself, but our guest will reveal the surprising power and science of self-compassion in this episode. Self Esteem vs Self Compassion This is not feel-good, la-la, therapy-talk; it’s real science. Learn the important distinction between these two concepts and how one can lead to psychological instability, self-criticism, stress, competition and difficulty within ourselves, our relationships and our culture. You really want to get this right and may be surprised! Treating yourself as your own best friend. Misperceptions of Self Compassion It’s NOT a free pass, or being easy on yourself. It can be “fierce” and “protective” and “motivating.” Science shows that the warmth and support of self-compassion promotes health and increases the chances of success in accomplishing goals, whereas negative self talk and kicking one’s own butt doesn’t work because it creates a system of threat and self-sabotage. Steps to Self Compassion  Dr. Neff outlines the three elements of self-compassion: Mindfulness vs. Over identification:The first step is to be mindfully aware of ourselves and our emotions, but from a place of non-judgement. Common Humanity vs Isolation: The second step is to recognize the common humanity in our feelings and behaviors rather than seeing ourselves as the “best” or the “worst.” Recognizing that pain is a normal part of human existence, as is suffering and personal inadequacy. Self-kindness vs. Self-Judgment: Being kind to oneself rather than self-condemning, is at the core Self Compassion as an antidote to shame, the underpinning of narcissism Dr. Neff discusses research which highlights the increase in narcissism in our current culture. She highlights our culture’s tendency to be competitive and to place individual value as contingent on how we compare to those around us. This leaves us extremely vulnerability to the development of narcissism and other psychological difficulties. We discuss the importance of teaching this concept to our children and to maintaining an active, loving presence with oneself in order to build self-value without a need to downgrade or succeed over others. Our political climate Dr. Neff speaks frankly about her perceptions of the current political climate. She sees self and other compassion as essential to help our country deal with the discord and disharmony around us.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Kristen Neff: Self Compassion Step by Step, The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (Audio CD) Brene Brown: The Gifts of Imperfection Karen Bluth, forward by Kristin Neff: The Self-Compassion Workbook for Teens Jean M Twenge and W. Keith Campbell: The Narcissism Epidemic Living in the Age of Entitlement Kristen Neff:  (visit this it has tons of great resources including free mp3’s) Self Compassion Test  Brene Brown “courageously present” rather than “mindfulness” Horse BoyFoundation in Elgin, TX The House Boy movie  These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!   Tweet
Mar 01, 2017
TU22: Love Letter To Group Psychotherapy
9:29
Love Letter to Group Psychotherapy Co-hosts Sue Marriott and Patty Olwell interview colleagues at the American Group Psychotherapy 2016 Association Annual Meeting in New York. They talk about why they love group therapy and why it is so valuable to their clients. We want to thank our interviewees for their help and insights. Interviewees for this Episode... Tammy Brown – Austin TX tammybrowntherapy.com Jamie Moran – San Francisco CA jamiemoran.com Rita Drapkin – Indiana University of Pennsylvania (724)357-2621 Pierre Choucroun – Austin TX Pierre M Choucroun on Psychology Today Kelly Inselmann – Austin TX kellyinselmann.com Liz Rosenblatt – Los Angeles CA Dr Elizabeth Rosenblatt on LAGPA   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Austin Group Psychotherapy Society: Organization that promotes group therapy and provides training for clinicians American Group Psychotherapy Association: National organization that promotes group therapy as a cost effective and clinical valuable treatment. Psychodynamic Group Psychotherapy Scott Rutan Walter Stone and Joseph Shay. These are masters of group. Excellent text for therapists and others eager to learn about group. You can trust these authors. These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!   CEU's??  We've got you covered, use OURCLAN for 10% off – It's Not Me It's My Amygdala – Advanced Course Connecting the Sciences of the Mind to Everyday Relationships FOUR hours of quality content and 3 CE's available to professionals. Since you are this deep into our show notes, then you are indeed one of our peeps and thus invited to be part of our clan  GET 10% off this signature course by using code OURCLAN!  – Want more of this kind of in-depth discussion with quality content and real-world healing – join us on FB or better yet, join our Neuronerd Patreon community at patreon.com/therapistuncensored for as little as $5 per month.  For $25 a month – we will meet you in person via zoom and feature you as our Co-Executive Producer on our website. Plus, everybody gets more cool content and some Therapist Uncensored bling at random times and be part of our community so you can discuss the relational sciences in-depth with your like-minded peers.  Join us now. Tweet
Feb 20, 2017
TU21: Reduce Drama in Your Life – Unpack The Victim/Perpetrator/Rescuer In Us All
21:49
Click for PDF of Karpman’s Triangle Explained Karpman's Drama Triangle Stephen Karpman, MD a psychiatrist working with Transactional Analysis under Erik Berne conceived the idea of this simple representation, now referred to as a drama triangle, or Karpman’s Triangle, to explain how we can sometimes get locked in rigid self-satisfying or self-punishing roles: Victim Perpetrator Rescuer that can impact our ability to live free and peaceful lives. In this podcast we explore not only how the roles impact our relationships with others but also the positive characteristics that we can move towards in each of these roles. Interplay Between Victim/Perpetrator/Rescuer Roles: A State of Drama These natural roles don’t define us, but are more ego states we drop into under stress, often in response to someone else’s behavior. Someone in Victim-role can elicit the other person in a dyad to go into Recue-role and if you stay in a rigid Rescuer role long enough one can evoke your own or another’s Perpetrator and so on. The problem isn’t that we trend towards these corners of the triangles, it’s only when we get stuck in an extreme. The podcast describes how to get out of the role lock and move back into an integrated balanced state whereby you are in touch with the health of all three of these positions. Healthy Characteristics of Victim/Perpetrator/Rescuer Roles For example the health in the Perpetrator/Persecutor role, if it’s not extreme, is the capacity to stand up for oneself, have a voice, set boundaries, be assertive and hold people accountable. The health in the Rescue role is more obvious, because the compassion and warmth is visible. What it’s covering though is more interesting for this role, which can have a great deal of hidden aggression and lack of agency, and can be at the expense of the self. Health in the victim role is having the self-awareness to see one’s own vulnerability, and when combined with the other two sides of the triangle – assertiveness and compassion, you have a solid strong integrated state. So the goal is to stay out of rigid self-satisfying or self-defeating role locks and incorporate the disowned parts of you that may lie in the opposite corners of the triangle.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Karpman, S. (1968). Fairy tales and script drama analysis. Transactional Analysis Bulletin, 7(26), 39-43 These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!   Tweet
Feb 13, 2017
TU20: Developing Racial Identity With Guests Rudy Lucas And Christine Schmidt
49:50
Guests Christine Schmidt and Rudy Lucas join co-hosts Patty Olwell and Sue Marriott in a wide-ranging discussion on racial identity just after the election. Privileged white people talking about race can be awkward – we discuss how our natural sense of safety is part of our privilege and letting ourselves step out and get uncomfortable is necessary to even begin to dig in and get the compassion, understanding and necessary context to be able to be useful in these times. The safety bubble has popped and it could not be more obvious given the current political climate of division that a shaking and awakening is necessary. What is Racial Identity Rudy and Christine walk us through some of the steps necessary to look at aspects of racial identity, both white and black. We discuss immunity by color, invisibility, access, race avoidance, colorism, recommended study and literature, history and context, and we barely scratched the surface with this conversation. This quote stands out because of it’s clarity and it’s importance! In response to question about reverse racism, Rudy responded: “There is no such thing as reverse racism, because the determining factor is access to power. Oppressed populations never have been known to have any kind of power sufficient to have their feelings thoughts and wishes codified into the law….” And he concluded –“People can be guilty of prejudice, discrimination, judgement… but racist they cannot be in the absence of power. “ Rudy Lucas Racism must have the weight of history and institutional power under it to exist. Which is why those of us with history and the laws on our side can’t complain now that we are uncomfortable and see it as equal to an oppressed person’s suffering. The conversation ranged and covered many topics but Christine and Rudy recommend as next steps that you view these two videos: Fusion Video-How Microagressions Are Like Mosquito Bites  Jay Smooth-How to Tell Someone They Sound Racist RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Janet Helms-Black and White Racial Identity: Theory Research and Practice Peggy McIntosh- White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack Paula Rothenburg-White Privilege: Essential Reading on the Other Side of Racism Janet Helms and Donelda Cook-Using Race and Culture in Counseling and Psychotherapy  Jay Smooth – cultural commentator check him out! Highly recommended. Alice Walker- Anything We Love Can Be Saved  Alice Walker–Hard Times Require Furious Dancing William E. Cross-Shades of Black: Diversity in African-American Identity William E. Cross-documented his personal experience in scholarly publications such as The Negro to Black Conversion Experience in 1971 Alice Walker: Definition of Colorism: In search of our mothers’ gardens: womanist prose.  Kenneth and Mamie Clark: Doll Study Authors to read:James Baldwin, Ta-Nehisi Coates, Howard Zinn, Michelle Alexander, Carol Anderson, Robin DiAngelo, Maya Angelou Eastern Group Psychotherapy Society (EGPS)Workgroup for Racial Equity EGPS Work Group for Racial Equity Resources List People’s Institute for Survival and Beyond:Undoing Racism Workshop These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page! Thanks again to our guests Christine Schmidt and Rudy Lucas! Our guests contact info is Christine Schmidt 718-398-1004 26 Court Street Suite 2604 Brooklyn, New York 11242 Rudy Lucas (917) 656-8083 25 Barrow St. Greenwich Village, NY 10014 Join our email list at www.therapistuncensored.com and get access to our private online Facebook community supporting the dissemination of the relational sciences to support healthy connections and relationships around the world!   Tweet
Feb 01, 2017
TU19: Increase Your Cool By Managing Your Ventral Vagal System
35:49
In Part II of our exploration of polyvagal theory, with psychotherapists and co-hosts of this podcast, Ann Kelley, Patty Olwell and Sue Marriott we talk about strategies to help us engage our ventral vagal or social engagement system to calm our nervous system. We review how our nervous system appraises safety and danger. Then they discuss how to harness the knowledge and make it usable in real life. Polyvagal Theory Revisited Stephen Porges developed polyvagal theory, which explains our nervous system’s response to stress or danger. It describes a three part hierarchical system. The first, the ventral vagal is described in the podcast as a safety system or green zone. The second is activation. This is the sympathetic nervous system getting us ready for fight or flight. In the podcast described as an activated red zone. The third system is the dorsal vagal, which is immobilization or freeze. In the podcast described as an immobilized red zone. How Does Polyvagal Theory Work? The theory describes how we assess stress or danger based on cues in the environment. If we begin to sense stress our sympathetic or activation system begins to kick in. Then we attempt to engage our ventral vegal or social engagement system (the green zone). If that doesn’t work, the threat persists or intensifies we employ our activation system. We get ready to take action. Our heart rate increases to prepare us for fight or flight. Then if the threat is too large or we can’t escape the system of last resort, the dorsal vagal takes over. How Understanding Polyvagal Theory Can Help Me Regulate Stress Today most of us are not chasing saber-toothed tigers through the jungle. So the stressors and dangers we face are often interpersonal. We can often because of our own personal histories misread the environmental cues. If we walk into a party and don’t see a familiar face our sympathetic nervous system can get activated. If we understand from polyvagal theory that we have a social engagement system and that engaging it will calm us down, we then have strategies that we can use. We can look for a friendly face and start a conversation. We can find someone we know at the party and make contact. This understanding gives us choices when we want to calm ourselves or help our children, partners or friends calm their nervous systems. Important Concepts Vagus Nerve – 10th cranial nerve and part of the parasympathetic nervous system. Has two branches and acts as a brake on the sympathetic nervous system. Ventral Vagal – The newer myelinated branch of the vagus that developed in mammals. Controls the social engagement system. Dorsal Vagal- More primitive unmyelinated branch of the vagus nerve. Acts as a Sympathetic Nervous System – part of the autonomic nervous system that controls activation. Parasympathetic Nervous System – part of the autonomic nervous system that inhibits the sympathetic nervous system Neuroception – Porges term that describes how our nervous system assesses whether people or places are safe, dangerous or life threatening RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Stephen W. Porges -The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!   Tweet
Jan 24, 2017
TU18: Polyvagal Theory: Understanding Irrational Threat Responses in Relationships
26:35
Unpack the science behind the Polyvagal theory, with psychotherapists and co-hosts of this podcast, Ann Kelley, Patty Olwell and Sue Marriott as they explore how our nervous system appraises safety and danger. Then they discuss how to harness the knowledge and make it usable in real life. What Is Polyvagal Theory? Stephen Porges developed polyvagal theory, which explains our nervous system’s response to stress or danger. It describes a three part hierarchical system. The first, the ventral vagal is described in the podcast as a safety system or green zone. The second is activation. This is the sympathetic nervous system getting us ready for fight or flight. In the podcast described as an activated red zone. The third system is the dorsal vagal, which is immobilization or freeze. In the podcast described as an immobilized red zone. How Does Polyvagal Theory Work? The theory describes how we assess stress or danger based on cues in the environment. If we begin to sense stress our sympathetic or activation system begins to kick in. Then we attempt to engage our ventral vegal or social engagement system (the green zone). If that doesn’t work, the threat persists or intensifies we employ our activation system. We get ready to take action. Our heart rate increases to prepare us for fight or flight. Then if the threat is too large or we can’t escape the system of last resort, the dorsal vegal takes over. How Understanding Polyvagal Theory Can Help Me Regulate Stress Today most of us are not chasing saber-toothed tigers through the jungle. So the stressors and dangers we face are often interpersonal. We can often because of our own personal histories misread the environmental cues. If we walk into a party and don’t see a familiar face our sympathetic nervous system can get activated. If we understand from polyvagal theory that we have a social engagement system and that engaging it will calm us down, we then have strategies that we can use. We can look for a friendly face and start a conversation. We can find someone we know at the party and make contact. This understanding gives us choices when we want to calm ourselves or help our children, partners or friends calm their nervous systems. Important Concepts Vagus Nerve – 10th cranial nerve and part of the parasympathetic nervous system. Has two branches and acts as a brake on the sympathetic nervous system. Ventral Vagal – The newer myelinated branch of the vagus that developed in mammals. Controls the social engagement system. Dorsal Vagal- More primitive unmyelinated branch of the vagus nerve. Acts as a Sympathetic Nervous System – part of the autonomic nervous system that controls activation. Parasympathetic Nervous System – part of the autonomic nervous system that inhibits the sympathetic nervous system Neuroception – Porges term that describes how our nervous system assesses whether people or places are safe, dangerous or life threatening   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Stephen W. Porges -The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!   Tweet
Jan 18, 2017
TU17: The Biology of Motivation and Habits – Why We Drop the Ball
30:53
Understanding Research Behind Motivation and Habits Even when it is so important to us, why is it that it’s so hard to follow through when we are trying to make or break habits? In this episode, we discuss research and biology around why it is so hard to change our patterns and stick to the goals we set for ourselves. How we view our goals significantly impacts how we behave and the decisions we make. In general, people tend to have elevated levels of motivation and aspirations when we are planning for a ‘new start’ or considering our future self. However, we tend to minimize the obstacles that will get in our way. In this episode, we discuss why ignoring these obstacles is a big factor to our “dropping the ball,” why we tend to do it, and how our brain “chunks” patterns of behavior into well-worn habits that require very minimal thinking and decision-making along the way. Our brains are highly trained to focus first on survival…not on our higher aspirational selves. Developing strategies to tune into your higher, value-driven self may be just what we need to help move out of automation and accomplish goals that are so important to ourselves. Learn about our neuro-chemical reward system, habituation and satiation systems so that you can hack your biology. Join our email list at www.therapistuncensored.com to access our private online Facebook community supporting the dissemination of the relational sciences to support healthy connections and relationships around the world!    RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Jefferey M. Schwartz, M.D. & Rebecca Gladding, M.D. – You are Not Your Brain – The 4-Step Solution for Changing Bad Habits, Ending Unhealthy Thinking and Taking Control of Your Life. Ann M. Graybiel & Kyle S. Smith (2014). – How the Brain Makes and Breaks Habits Judith Wright – The Soft Addiction Solution: Break Free of the Seemingly Harmless Habits That Keep You From The Life You Want. Charles Duhigg (2012) -The Neuroscience of Habits: How They From and How to Change Them These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!   Tweet
Jan 11, 2017
TU16: Inside The Mind Of Dr. Dan Siegel- An Interview
59:12
Interview with Dr Dan Siegel, the father of Interpersonal Neurobiology. Get a peak into his thoughts on hope in our fear-based culture today, human kind across history and using this science to make changes individually and as a society. Patty Olwell & Sue Marriott speak with Dan Siegel about the most recent finding in IN and his new book, Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human (A New York Times Best Seller). Co-host Dr. Ann Kelley supports backstage for this episode. Dan Siegel discussed how the current political, international and climate crises could be viewed instead of doom, a chance to transform human connection. He called for us all to become pervasive leaders. Pervasive Leadership characteristics : Change your mental model of I and Thou. Act locally; think holistically. Enact empathetic stewardship Human history over time – Sapians – (see resource list). Homosapians have been killing their brothers and kin since the beginning of recorded time, so any current cultural unkindness is part of our hardwiring. We can rise above it, but first recognize it as human. Interpersonal neurobiology – coined by Dan Siegel in 1999 is a way of living and viewing the world with a set of principles that lead toward integration. Integration – combining distinct specialized functions that link and connect the specializations together, creating harmony. This is a view that can be utilized within one person and across couples, families, organizations and nations. In-group/Out-group discussion and Mindsight When a person is seen as the same, we have a natural resonance and empathy, if we feel safe we can extend that to those that appear Other. If we feel threat – even if we don’t know we are feeling it (nanoseconds of a threatening photo flashed, outside of our awareness) we respond strongly by turning off our empathy for the Out-group and turning up our response to the In-group. This is the explanation for what is happening here in the United States and Britain and many places around the world where genocides are occurring. Terror is driving this IN/OUT hostile behavior. With practice this can be changed. Say to yourself: My nervous system is making me treat the other person as an Out group member with more hostility, but that goes against my larger values of treating all human beings, all living beings with deep respect, as I would my In-group. We can rise above it. Rise above our brains initial proclivity towards bias and our mind to actively change how our brain ultimately carries out behavior – to be able to see the others mind and treat them as an in-group. Compassionately, fairly. Our leaders, people who run our country, organizations, educational institutions, clinicians, and people in positions to raise children… all have brains and minds that can overcome this biologic bias. We should see them as humans with limitations. Uninformed. They need safety to let down. FACES Flexible Adaptive Coherent Energetic Stable MWE = me in a body + we in connection to others and the planet Eudaimonia – Greek term that means life filled by meaning and connection and equanimity not from producing and consuming junk Join our email list at www.therapistuncensored.com to access our private online community supporting the dissemination of the relational sciences to support healthy connections and relationships around the world!     RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Dr. Dan Siegel: The Mind, Journey to Heart of Being Human New York Times Best Seller Yuval Noah Harari: Sapiens A Brief History of Human Kind Dr. Dan Siegel: Wheel of Awareness and 3 free guided meditations Thread, the New Social Fabric – non-profit in Baltimore hailed by Dr. Siegel in the show. Dan Siegel: Resource Guide These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!
Jan 04, 2017
TU15: Decoding The Science Of Interpersonal Neurobiology
32:42
Unpacking The Science of Interpersonal Neurobiology Unpack the complicated science behind the brain, the mind and secure relating with psychotherapists and co-hosts of this podcast, Ann Kelley, Patty Olwell and Sue Marriott as they break down the complicated subject of Interpersonal Neurobiology to make it usable in real life. Interpersonal neurobiology sounds complicated but it isn’t. Use this in business, families, civic organizations and couples. What Is Interpersonal Neurobiology It’s related to the mind, to the brain and to many different disciplines of science that come together and basically agree on a few things, which is in itself amazing, and it all move towards the idea of mental health and overall well being. IN (interpersonal neurobiology) is a term coined by Dan Siegel (see show notes for extensive referencing). Neural plasticity basically means it’s never too late, the brain inside your skull is ever-changing and affected by our daily practices. Neural plasticity is explained in some detail and is a point of hope in aging, brain injury, trauma, neglect, attachment injuries and relationships. Healing occurs by practice and work in compassionate social relationships. Besides brain biology which we went over in Therapist Uncensored Episode 2, where we emphasized the importance of the PFC (pre-frontal cortex) in empathic relating, IN picks up in how to stay connected to your PFC. Siegel talks about striving for FACES flow, which is an integrated neural state, integration being a primary point in IN. Important Concepts FACES flow – FLEXIBLE ACTIVE COHERENT ENERGETIC SECURE (pre-frontal cortex active!!) COAL to get to FACES – COAL is to relate to oneself in a CURIOUS, OPEN, ACCEPTING, and LOVING manner no matter what you are feeling. Cool off the mid-brain/limbic and move up to a more regulated calm place in the mind. Name it to tame it is a concept you’ll hear about to bring online neural aspects which will help you master feelings, bring in the pause, get you to and through COAL to FACES. Neurons that fire together wire together, Hebbs Law. For better or worse. Connect before you correct, parenting concept but also applicable in close relationships. Triangle of well-being,  MIND, BRAIN, RELATIONSHIP. Especially applicable to therapists. Mindsight – being able to see your own and others mind. Also called reflective function.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Dan Siegel-Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human New York Times Bestseller Tara Brach-Radical Acceptance Resource guide by Dr. Dan Siegel These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!
Dec 13, 2016
TU14: How To Handle Post Election Tensions – Tips For The Holidays And Beyond
35:54
How To Handle Post Election Tensions: Tips For The Holidays And Beyond You know the feeling you get when you find out that someone you know and like voted for the “wrong person” this past election? Ann Kelley, Patty Olwell and Sue Marriott discuss post-election tensions as they relate to family, neighbors and co-workers, and give tips on going home for the holidays. If you are losing your mind post-election... Applying concepts from IPNB (interpersonal neurobiology), hosts discuss getting a deeper understanding of the very big feelings that have emerged with the surprise election results. While we are all sick of talking and reading about the latest antics of the politicians, we cannot help but keep consuming and trying to process what is happening. We don’t discuss the election itself, but the fallout interpersonally. Threat response is the big news here; the body and brain/mind perceives danger from the opposite aisle. Understanding the nuance of what you are feeling and why is a key to emotional regulation. We are not advocating for you to just move on, and tamp down your feelings, but instead make suggestions for you to respond more effectively and deliberately. Rather than strangling someone… Empathy is easy for some when it’s the “right” group to empathize with but pretty hard when that group is the source of a perceived threat. Threat and the feeling of lack of safety are two tenants that are driving many voters – on both sides of the aisle. Naming it to tame it is a key concept for IPNB self-regulation, so getting more conscious and aware of the range of what is going on inside you will help you begin to direct it as constructively as possible so you can respond rather than simply react. Whether it’s being able to better understand yourself so you can more effectively and deliberately respond to a call for action, or to stop acting and denigrating one another so as to begin healing the divide, decoding and being conscious of automatic thoughts, righteous indignation, rage and hopelessness are key. In addition we talk about how to better manage someone else who may be in their own caveman black/white neural response circuit.  We try to avoid clichés of all getting along, and address the very real and sharp differences and how to even begin to find common ground (and why some people HATE hearing about a call for common ground). We hope the discussion will be useful no matter your political orientation to handle post election tensions in your relationships.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Jefferey M. Schwartz, M.D. & Rebecca Gladding, M.D.- You are Not Your Brain – The 4-Step Solution for Changing Bad Habits, Ending Unhealthy Thinking and Taking Control of Your Life. Ann M. Graybiel & Kyle S. Smith (2014).- How the Brain Makes and Breaks Habits Judith Wright -The Soft Addiction Solution: Break Free of the Seemingly Harmless Habits That Keep You From The Life You Want. Charles Duhigg (2012) -The Neuroscience of Habits: How They From and How to Change Them These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!
Nov 21, 2016
TU13: Our Powerful Fascination With Narcissism In The Era Of Trump
57:06
Our Powerful Fascination With Narcissism In The Era Of Trump An in-depth discussion with Dr. Leonard Cruz and Dr. Steven Buser, editors of “A Clear and Present Danger: Narcissism in the Era of Donald Trump.” We are publishing this podcast just a few days before the United States selects their next President and at a time of historic national pain and divisiveness. Why narcissism? We discuss how one aspect of this election that has driven people to such passion is their draw toward or their aversion from some of the large personalities that continue to inflame our fascination and interest. This episode focuses not on the carnage that this election is inflicting on us as a society, but on finding some level of understanding on how we got here, and rekindling hope no matter what happens Nov 9. We cover how this is not about any individual candidate but more a reflection of the times. At Therapist Uncensored, a podcast dedicated to promoting security and connections between people, we recognize the importance of unpacking this cultural phenomenon from a level of depth and compassion. We cover how, as a culture, we got here and what to do about it. We look at it both from an individual standpoint – why are we drawn to narcissism in general and culturally, why in the US at this moment in time? Join our email list at www.therapistuncensored.com to access our private online community supporting the dissemination of the relational sciences to support healthy connections and relationships around the world!   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Steven Buser and Leonard Cruz, Editors-A Clear and PresentDanger, Narcissism in the Age of Trump Wendy Terrie Behary LCSW, Foreward by Daniel Siegel, MD- Disarming the Narcissist Asheville Jung Center Chiron Publications These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!
Nov 04, 2016
TU12: If It’s Not Good For You; It’s Not Good for Us – Interview With Relationship Expert Stan Tatkin
55:21
Clinician, author, PACT developer, and co-founder of the PACT Institute, Dr. Stan Tatkin teaches at UCLA, maintains a private practice in Southern California, and leads PACT programs in the US and internationally. He is the author Wired for Dating, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships. Dr. Stan Tatkin is on the board of directors of Lifespan Learning Institute and serves as an advisory board member of Relationships First, a nonprofit organization founded by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. Biology of Love Co-hosts Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley engage in a wide-ranging discussion with Dr. Stan Tatkin on the biology of love, connections and the practical things to do and not do in our most important relationships. We discuss the significance and power of primary relationships. Whether with a partner, a friend, or a sibling, a “primary” is the one you most turn toward to celebrate your special moments or to seek support during hard times. It is within these relationships that we build a 2-person security system that helps us tackle the world in a more secure and robust way. How To Prioritize The Relationship Dr. Stan Tatkin shares his vast knowledge of neurobiology and attachment to help us understand how to find, build and maintain safety and security in these relationships. Our discussion reaches far and wide, including how to vet a potential partner, ways to relate in a “fair and just” manner, and the importance of understanding and communicating your own value system with others. From monogamy to polyamory relationships, it is important to understand yourself more deeply and those that you bring into your life. Join our email list at www.therapistuncensored.com to access our private online community supporting the dissemination of the relational sciences to support healthy connections and relationships around the world!     RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Stan Tatkin-Wired for Dating, How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate Stan Tatkin:Your Brain on Love, the Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships PACT – www.thepactinstitute.com Stan Tatkin – Wired for Love These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!
Nov 01, 2016
TU11: Gain Influence and Balance Power in Important Relationships
29:47
Power dynamics are infused in all relationships, be it romantic, business, political, parent-child, friendships, etc. Most of us want important relationships where both parties feel a sense of mutual respect. While this can sometimes come naturally and with ease, when the balance of power gets off center, relationships can really suffer. Whether you find it difficult to have your voice, or you struggle to allow yourself to be influenced by others, patterns can develop that impede the safe connections that we generally desire. In this episode, we discuss the difference between exerting power through methods of fear and control and actually being naturally influential and powerful. We also cover being influenced versus giving in. Why is this important in relationships? As we’ve discussed in prior podcasts, striving towards internal and relational security is what helps us be resilient when stressed, respond more flexibly to demands of life and enhance each other’s well-being. To function at our best, it is key to have a sense of mutual power and reciprocal influence and to know how to get to that point if it’s not there.  What can you do? It’s important to get in touch with whether you feel safe expressing yourself and/or whether you feel open to being influence by others. Do you fear speaking up will lead to the other’s withdrawal of affection? Do you fear that if you listen to your partner, you will feel controlled? These are examples discussed that indicate that an imbalance of power may be in play. Compliance with requests can backfire for the person getting their way! Be your right size – not bigger or smaller than you really are. Subscribe to our podcast via iTunes, Android or your favorite platform, and join our community by signing up for our email list today.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Dacher Keltner – The Power Paradox: How we gain and lose influence These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!
Oct 27, 2016
TU10: The 7 Circuits of Emotion – What Animals Can Teach Us About Human Relating
31:31
Jaak Panksepp has identified 7 universal, cross-species circuits of emotion that can be located deep within the brain reliably in primates with neocortex functioning – besides humans, this includes rats, mice, guinea pigs, cats and of course larger primates. These networks are not up in the higher cortex, so they don’t involve rational thought, they are in the hypothalamus and amygdala, the more basic security system of the mind. The 7 Basic Circuits of Emotion: SEEKING, PLAY, LUST, CARE – reward circuits FEAR, PANIC/LOSS, RAGE – punishing circuits, most animals want to avoid these emotional reactions Why This Matters in Relationships Each circuit was discussed and the interaction of one circuit being activated turning on corresponding circuits of emotion in the other was highlighted. For example distress signals are activated when one is separated from their pack (PANIC/LOSS) turns on the CARE network, drawing others to them in with intent to protect and nurture. RAGE however, and this includes indignation and anger in humans, turns on the same circuit – anger begets anger. What You Can Do So for those wanting to be closer in their relationships, it is advised to get VULNERABLE, show your distress, feel your needs and you will get the love you are looking for naturally. However get angry about not getting attention and you will get defensiveness and blame. So manipulate your close relationships into nurturing you by squeaking and expressing genuine vulnerability, they won’t be able to resist coming toward you with their hearts open. Get right with your squeak!! It’s in our most basic instincts and this works powerfully! Join our email list at www.therapistuncensored.com to access our private online community supporting the dissemination of the relational sciences to support healthy connections and relationships around the world!   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode:   Jaak Panksepp – Affective Neuroscience Foundation of Emotions in Humans and Animals Louis Cozolino – Why Therapy Works Using our Minds to Change our Brains Joseph Ledoux – Anxious: Using the Brain to Understand and Treat Anxiety Dan Siegel – The Mindful Brain Reflections on Attunement and the Culture of Well-being These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!
Oct 11, 2016
TU09: Minding Your Relationship- Three Mindfulness Exercises to Practice With Your Partner
24:03
We often stop really seeing and hearing our significant other, so mindfulness in your relationship is a key free resource to add spark and life. Instead of relying on who we think our partner is based on history, we learn to see them anew and get better at connecting without a ton of words. Learn what mindfulness is and the difference between meditation and mindful awareness practices. First Mindfulness Exercise Turn off the electronics and find a few minutes to give undivided attention to your partner (or child, or parent). Find something you haven’t noticed before and relay that, in exquisite detail, to your significant other. The brain is an anticipation machine, so getting it to slow down and see a familiar face with new eyes is not natural for grown-ups, yet that is exactly how to fall in love all over again, feel sexy, or rediscover the changing being in front of you. Ellen Langer has researched the impact of really noticing new things about our familiar loved ones, and she found that the person receiving the mind-full attention views their partner as more trustworthy and honest. And that’s because they are – they are actually showing up! Second Mindfulness Exercise Take a few minutes to gaze into your partner’s eyes. This exercise leverages our biology to increase connection because extended gaze releases oxytocin, “the bonding hormone.” This powerful hormone is released when mothers breast feed or when lovers have an orgasm, therefore this simple mindfulness exercise releases a hormone that fosters our most basic biological connections. Extended soft eye contact is the second mindfulness exercise described. Third Mindfulness Exercise Leverage that vagus nerve of yours (and theirs)! Upon coming home, embrace each other without talking and wait for that little relaxation that you feel when a baby relaxes against you. When you embrace your partner and allow yourself to silently remain belly to belly and be present in your body, you reset both of your nervous systems. Don’t let go until you both have let down, you’ll know it when it happens. Finally... In conclusion, these three short simple mindfulness exercises help us break through those automatic assumptions about our partner and really see, hear and be with the actual live person, in the present moment. And believe us, THAT has a big pay-off in relationship satisfaction for both people.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Ellen Langer – The Power of Mindful Learning Tara Brock – Finding True Refuge: Meditations for Difficult Times Suzanne Midori Hanna- The Transparent Brain in Couples and Family Therapy Stan Tatkin – Wired for Love These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!
Oct 04, 2016
TU08: Understanding Emotional Triggers – Why Your Buttons Get Pushed and What To Do About It
27:41
Therapists explain the neuroscience behind emotional over-reactivity. The term "trigger" has been co-opted by social media and teens to mean having big feelings, but “trigger” is originally an important psychodynamic term related to trauma. In this episode we discuss the neurobiology behind the experience of being triggered. The channel is right but the volume it too high. It occurs when we feel something stronger than we can understand. Neurobiologically speaking, we are having an implicit memory (think amygdala-oriented instead of hippocampus-oriented). We talk about the different kinds of trauma that can create triggers. We discuss implicit versus explicit memory and why it’s good to sort this out in relationships, and how we get in all kinds of trouble misattributing implicit memory to current situations. Is it LIVE or is it MEMOREX is an important question for relationships – is my reaction to you in this moment boosted by something that I’m not actually consciously remembering, which would explain why I’m over-reacting a bit? It helps to get curious about that rather than accusatory. Investigate feelings with curiosity and care rather than righteously thinking feelings are facts. We look at how in a relationship the best approach is when we can step back and notice how our nervous system and the other person’s nervous system are reacting. Then we have the choice to go on the ride with them; get dysregulated or consciously use our more regulated state to gently nudge them back toward regulation. Concrete ideas to implement are discussed.   Resources Additional resources for this episode: Marco Iacoboni – Mirroring People, The Science of Empathy and How We Connect with Others  Steven Porges – The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation Dan Siegel – The Mindful Brain Reflections on Attunement and the Culture of Well-being These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!
Sep 28, 2016
TU07: What is Group Therapy and 5 Reasons You Should Try It
18:46
Why we should all give group therapy a go! Group therapy is often stereotyped and overlooked as a way to deal with challenges in your life, but it can offer a variety of benefits if you are willing to try it. It offers a chance to experiment with real emotions and aspects of your life. It helps you notice issues and habitual patterns in your life. You can try different responses and different behaviors in group that you might not feel comfortable doing in your everyday life and relationships. The other people in the group can offer a variety of different views and perspectives to help you work through things. You can say things honestly to others with the knowledge that everyone will return next week, and you can continue to work through difficulties. This can provide security! It provides you with a sense of community and belonging. It can really help with issues of social isolation. It can provide stability that is not always present in personal life.     Resources Additional resources for this episode: Austin Group Psychotherapy Society: Organization that promotes group therapy and provides training for clinicians American Group Psychotherapy Association: National organization that promotes group therapy as a cost effective and clinical valuable treatment. Psychodynamic Group Psychotherapy Scott Rutan Walter Stone and Joseph Shay. These are masters of group. Excellent text for therapists and others eager to learn about group. You can trust these authors. These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!
Sep 19, 2016
TU06: How Attachment Impacts Adult Relationships (continued)- Attachment 101 Part 2
25:55
Attachment 101: Part Two Secure relationships are what we are shooting for, with ourself and with close others. Secure relating is connected to neural integration and road maps we have internalized from our childhood. The capacity for security is within all of us no matter our histories. Even if we did not get security as a child, we can develop into it as an adult. There are different types of security and insecurity, and we discuss it on a continuum where we all can relate to the different modes of relating rather than only using separate, distinct quadrants. This is an important point of these episodes so that we aren’t trying to categorize or diagnose anyone in particular but we are able to use the concepts to improve our relationships: Attachment Styles Avoidant/Dismissive is a kind of organized insecurity that deactivates and by-passes distress. While here, we unconsciously need attachment, but we often do not perceive or have difficulty expressing the need or desire for others. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, I’ll give you something to cry about, Lone Ranger… Anxious/Preoccupied attachment is a kind of organized insecurity where we have difficulty calming down after reaching distress. We are afraid of loss or abandonment – those who identify here can misread negativity into interactions and respond accordingly. There is also another category from the research, called disorganized insecurity. This kind of insecurity has most to do with loss and trauma. This is healable and the brain and body can recover by working through whatever the trauma or loss may be. See Stan Tatkin.  A part of us is always able to relate in the optimal level and we can keep gaining insight and creating connections so we can deepen and grow the best part of ourselves. Special thanks to our guest psychotherapist, Traci Campbell.    Resources Additional resources for this episode: Stan Tatkin – Wired for Love John Bowlby – A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development Mary Main, Mary Ainsworth both primary researchers with Bowlby. Clinical Application of the Adult Attachment Interview – Howard and Mirium Steele (followed Ainsworth interested in using attachment theory in therapy settings) Steven Porges – The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation Stan Tatkin, Your Brain on Love Dan Siegel – Mindsight and Earned Secure These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!
Sep 08, 2016
TU05: How Attachment Impacts Adult Relationships – Attachment 101 Part 1
33:11
Attachment 101: Part One Secure relationships are what we are shooting for, with ourself and with close others. Secure relating is connected to neural integration and road maps we have internalized from our childhood. The capacity for security is within all of us no matter our histories. Even if we did not get security as a child, we can develop into it as an adult. There are different types of security and insecurity, and we discuss it on a continuum where we all can relate to the different modes of relating rather than only using separate, distinct quadrants. This is an important point of these episodes so that we aren’t trying to categorize or diagnose anyone in particular but we are able to use the concepts to improve our relationships: Attachment Styles Avoidant/Dismissive is a kind of organized insecurity that deactivates and by-passes distress. While here, we unconsciously need attachment, but we often do not perceive or have difficulty expressing the need or desire for others. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, I’ll give you something to cry about, Lone Ranger… Anxious/Preoccupied attachment is a kind of organized insecurity where we have difficulty calming down after reaching distress. We are afraid of loss or abandonment – those who identify here can misread negativity into interactions and respond accordingly. There is also another category from the research, called disorganized insecurity. This kind of insecurity has most to do with loss and trauma. This is healable and the brain and body can recover by working through whatever the trauma or loss may be. See Stan Tatkin.  A part of us is always able to relate in the optimal level and we can keep gaining insight and creating connections so we can deepen and grow the best part of ourselves. Special thanks to our guest psychotherapist, Traci Campbell.    Resources Additional resources for this episode: Stan Tatkin – Wired for Love John Bowlby – A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development Mary Main, Mary Ainsworth both primary researchers with Bowlby. Clinical Application of the Adult Attachment Interview – Howard and Mirium Steele (followed Ainsworth interested in using attachment theory in therapy settings) Steven Porges – The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation Stan Tatkin, Your Brain on Love Dan Siegel – Mindsight and Earned Secure These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!
Sep 08, 2016
TU04: A Simple Technique to Reduce Stress and Worry: Mindful Awareness Practice in Action
5:52
Aug 29, 2016
TU03: Different Sex Drives – Are We Screwed?
43:16
Sexual well-being in long-term relationships starts here... Understanding sexuality, emotions and sexual desire in long-term relationships can help keep the fires burning and conflict – or drift – at bay. Unequal desire is normal, but the most important part of a sexual relationship is the ability to communicate about it in a safe, un-shaming way. At times unequal desire may be connected to the different way sexuality is experienced in our partner’s body.  If this difference does exist and is misperceived, couples can often start believing that something is wrong with themselves or the relationship. This misperception alone can be a huge source of diminishing returns for sexuality and relationships.   The rule is variability – speaking in gendered terms is not our aim – but recognizing the differences in sex drives, sex roles and physiology can be useful. Some people do not feel desire until they are stimulated. It can help to start playing around with sexuality, keep genitals or goal of orgasm out of it. Interest + Obstacle = Desire – a little distance or space to feel your desire (Perel). It can help to reevaluate the things that you and your partner want in sex. What are their no-go’s? What are yours? What are their “I haven’t, but maybe’s?” What are yours? So, if no other point comes home, remember that what one believes, how they communicate that belief, and how safe they feel with differences has a tremendous impact on the vitality of sexuality!! Sleep naked and discuss sex, even if you are struggling having it! RESOURCES: Jeff Lutes Esther Perel – Mating in Captivity: classic book on maintaining passion in long-term relationships John Gottman – The Relaltionship Cure, practical advice for couples based in research These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!
Aug 21, 2016
TU02: Brain Science 101 – How Understanding Your Brain Can Improve Your Relationship
27:53
Show Notes This episode offers a foundation for future episodes. This is key to understanding the relational brain so that you can use that information to help build secure relationships. Everyone has security in them or the capacity for it, no matter what background you show up with. There are three specific brain structures that affect our sense of well-being. The prefrontal cortex – the front of the brain: this is where we want to live in – it is our most mature, “adult” flexible self If our lights are on here, we can be our best selves. We will be compassionate, be able to perspective take from other people’s positions, and function more like the grown ups we mean to be This works slower and needs more time to respond. It is a challenge especially if you have a rough or neglected history The hippocampus This modulates memory, and the autobiographical narrative of ourselves For example, the more that we can remember our past and our future with each interaction, the more we can stay in the higher part of our mind (pre-frontal cortex – PFC). The amygdala This is primitive, more basic part of the mind and is physically lower in the brain; it is about assessing danger and threat. This is your fight or flight, your guard dog, is at the level of mammalian interactions – fight flight flee (freeze) It exaggerates and works really fast; It’s not good at discerning things. It sees in black and white and is only out to protect the body. When we perceive significant enough threat, our prefrontal cortex will turn down and our amygdala will increase in activation. In this state, the amygdala will respond as if things are actually a threat (shark music plays). Goal is to get PFC back online, this takes time. Allow yourself to feel angry and self-righteous. Then, consider the opposing perspective. This engages the PFC. Brain plasticity: our brain structure is formed by patterns in behavior, but those patterns can be changed. Knowing that our threat system is activated and seeing our own warning signs allows us to work against responding automatically. It gives us choice, responsiveness. Practicing this can physically alter the structure of our brain in a way that permanently helps us. Resources Dan Siegel Mindsight – Dr. Siegel is a master and father of INPB (Interpersonal Neurobiology). If you are seriously interested in this field you must master his works. This book is in between clinicians and everyone else. His parenting books are great for everyone, his original text is highly technical and for clinicians, I recommend reading in a study group to absorb the goodness. The Developing Mind – this is the one mentioned above, for clinicians. It is a must for INPB, and recommended to read in study group with other therapists for best application of these master ideas. Jack Panksepp – Life Without Emotion TED Talk – free recommended video These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!
Aug 14, 2016
TU01: Brain Science & Communication
32:41
IN THIS EPISODE: This episode is the first of a series of foundational pieces we will provide on relational science and building secure relationships. Thank you for checking out the show!! It has a longer than usual monologue at the beginning but then rolls into the normal 3-way conversation. Hey we are just figuring this stuff out. 🙂 Main concept – no matter what your history everyone has the capacity to grow secure relationships and improve their sense of security in themselves There are three specific structures that affect our sense of well-being The prefrontal cortex – functions described in detail The hippocampus The amygdala Suggestion: Two-sided walk if your amygdala is activated. Walk as far as you want and feel angry and self-righteous. When you get ready and turn around, though, you have to spend the walk back considering the opposing perspective. This engages the PFC. Brain plasticity – this is awesome news! Our brain structure is formed by patterns in behavior, but those patterns can be changed. Knowing that your threat system is activated and seeing our own warning signs allows us to work against responding automatically. It gives us choice, responsiveness. Practicing can physically alter the structure of our brain in a way that permanently helps us. Stay tunes for more episodes on attachment and how to build secure relationships   Additional resources for this episode: John Gottman The Seven Principals to Making a Marriage Work… this is one of the basic foundational works from a researcher who is scientifically explaining misery and happiness. for everyone. How to Make Love Last – Gottman. A more recent work by this research team. This is another Gottman work, but this time on parenting. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child… for parents. These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!
Aug 07, 2016