Cinephobe

By Count The Dings

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Description

Welcome to Cinephobe: The Podcast where Zach Harper, Amin Elhassan and Anthony Mayes review movies that are poorly rated on Rotten Tomatoes, and try to ascertain whether or not those movies are accurately poorly rated, or maybe just didn’t get a fair shake. Cinephobe! Wherever you get Podcasts!

Episode Date
Cinephobe Ep 92: Look Who's Talking Too
01:33:15
Zach, Amin and Mayes are pregnant AGAIN in this sequel released barely a year after the first one and was certainly not a cash grab, in case anyone's asking. If you've ever used your screaming children to get free stuff or convinced them that Mr. Toilet Man wants to eat your pee pee, then this movie about the struggles of co-parenting and keeping it fresh in your marriage is for you. Elvis is leaving the Podcast.
Jul 21, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 91: Staying Alive
01:54:06
Zach, Amin and Mayes are struttin the streets of New York in this perplexing follow up to John Travolta's breakout role in Saturday Night Fever as dancing sex god Tony Manero. Tony won't let anything get in the way of his dream of Broadway fame, not objectification from women, his dingy residence, dismissive agents, his own psychosis or Frank Stallone.
Jul 14, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 90: Killing Season
01:32:11
Zach, Amin and Mayes are heading out to the woods for the purest, most distilled form of war: one on one. Sharpen your knife, string your bow, and slam the Jagermeister, it's time to hunt the most dangerous game of all: Bosnian John Travolta.
Jul 07, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 89: Blankman
01:54:03
Zach, Amin and Mayes don't need a permit to podcast about Superhero movies as they close out June with this pick selected by the fans. In order to save the city, they'll deliver babies, build a lair out of repurposed appliances, and take down satin suited mobsters infiltrating the government. Thankfully, this podcast is Bulletproof, otherwise they'd be in Major Payne.
Jun 30, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 88: Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.
01:22:46
Zach, Amin and Mayes have been off in the Yukon swingin' pickaxes and chainsmokin' cigarillos enjoying an early retirement, but when Hydra rises again they are forced to suit up and podcast once more.
Jun 23, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 87: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
01:34:31
Zach, Amin and Mayes have been recruited into the League of Expository Podcasters for this turn of the century dieselpunk superhero romp. Whether you're invincible, invisible, a blood thirsty vampire or just keeping the demons inside of you at bay, board the Nautilus and see just how deep we can dive into the depths of terrible movies before we never come back up.
Jun 16, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 86: Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
01:17:26
Zach, Amin and Mayes are breaking out the 2,000 year old bottles of wine and french accents for the first sequel in Cinephobe history where we actually watched the original first. The boys are back in the Cage to team up with a black french alcoholic priest that's kind of a dick to help the devil's baby mama save her son.
Jun 09, 2021
Cinephobe LIVE on Freedumb (with Method Man, Adam McKay and Neal Brennan)
02:19:11
Zach and Amin's segment from last weekend's LeBatard Show 24 hour live stream marathon. First they interviewed Method Man about How High and more, then Adam McKay and Neal Brennan chatted about politics and comedy, while occasionally discussing the 2009 film The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard with the guys.
Jun 09, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 85.5: Daredevil Appeal (with Erin Darling)
00:52:10
Zach, Amin and Mayes are joined by comedian Erin Darling Torralva to discuss blind dating (dating actual blind people), comic con culture, romantic rooftops and orphans to see if Justice really is Blind after all.
Jun 04, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 85: Daredevil
01:48:48
Zach, Amin and Mayes are the finest blind podcasters in Hell's Kitchen. They'll tangle with an accurate irishman employed by a burly businessman and find love on a see saw along the way. Also there's a whole director's cut featuring Coolio! Justice is blind, but it can be heard.
Jun 02, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 84.5: More Reindeer Games (with Valerie Le Batard)
01:02:14
Zach, Amin and Mayes are joined once again by the Draft Queen Valerie Le Batard to play darts and work out our glamour muscles while planning the greatest Christmas heist in movie history.
May 28, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 84: Reindeer Games
01:21:19
Zach, Amin and Mayes are fresh out of the joint and headed straight to a casino for the heist of the holiday season. Grab your goddamn hot chocolate and some pecan fuckin pie, raid the mini bar, order some pay per views and listen to the only podcast that has both Coke AND Pepsi.
May 26, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 83: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
02:01:15
Zach, Amin and Mayes continue to search for the kryptonite that will weaken this podcast enough to kill it. This foray into the Snyderverse may well be our Doomsday, so grab your mason jar of granny's peach tea, jump in the bath fully clothed, and settle in for the ultimate edition of this podcast. Am I too soon?
May 19, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 82: Armageddon
01:49:44
Zach, Amin and Mayes are deep core podcasters charged with blowing up an asteroid the size of Texas before it destroys the Earth. They'll have to overcome an unhinged Russian cosmonaut, Space Dementia, a sentient growling asteroid, Explosition and Ben Affleck to complete their mission before the countdown clock runs out. Baysplode!
May 12, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 81: Smokin' Aces
01:39:31
Zach, Amin and Mayes are podcast assassins after Jeremy Piven's heart for the punchline of $1 million. It's a death race to the penthouse of a Lake Tahoe hotel, where coke addicted magician Buddy 'Aces' Israel is waiting to get smoked. Will anyone make it out of the elevator alive?
May 05, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 80.5: Disclosure Addendum (with Valerie Le Batard)
00:48:10
Zach, Amin and Mayes are joined by the Draft Queen Valerie Le Batard on her birthday to review the exhibits and pass final judgment on the landmark sexual harassment case between Michael Douglas and Demi Moore.
Apr 30, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 80: Disclosure
01:53:50
Zach, Amin and Mayes were expecting a promotion in the wake of an impending merger, but are passed over for an old flame looking to rekindle their explosive relationship. Will they resist temptation and remain faithful, or succumb to their patriarchal urges and exercise their dominance, destroying their families in the process? We can't disclose the outcome, listen to this podcast recorded on a random answering machine to find out.
Apr 28, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 79.5: Mortal Kombat Annihilation (with Mike Ryan)
01:51:10
Zach, Amin and Mayes strike back just in time for the release of the new Mortal Kombat reboot, bringing in Mike Ryan, Executive Producer of The LeBatard Show with Stugotz to unlock fatalities. Half the actors are different, the special effects are more like conventional effects, the costumes come from the bargain bin and it's only a ninety minute movie, but somehow we spent over two hours breaking it down.
Apr 23, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 79: Hook
01:57:44

Zach, Amin and Mayes sprinkle themselves with pixie dust for the flight back to Neverland, where the food is imaginary but the stakes have never been higher. Captain Hook is having an identity crisis, Peter Pan is an absentee father, Tinkerbell has been harboring obsessive feelings for nearly a century and Rufio is the first emo kid ever. This podcast can fly, fight and crow. Bangarang!

Apr 21, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 78: Envy
01:19:59
Zach, Amin and Mayes are back with a revolutionary new invention: Va-Pod-Rize, the podcast that makes all other podcasts disappear. Whether you dream of running for the little congress, finishing every meal with delicious flan, or building the white house in your cul de sac, c'est la vie, as the Romans say.
Apr 14, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 77: Anaconda
01:27:08
Zach, Amin and Mayes are failed Paraguayan priests who have found a new calling: podcasting about snakes. In their quest to find the lost Shirishama tribe along the Amazon river, they must survive poisonousss waspsss, urethral catfish, jungle horniness and gigantic spring loaded anacondas. Five Whiskeys? That's breakfast on the river.
Apr 07, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 76: Hercules in New York
01:34:11
Zach, Amin and Mayes are running barefoot through Times Square to catch your chariot and deliver this podcast. Hercules leaves Mount Olympus for Spring Break and hits the town with the help of a humble pretzel salesman. We close out Arnold month with Arnold's first movie ever to show just how far his accent has come, and boy is Arnold a comer.
Mar 31, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 75: Batman & Robin - Part 2
01:13:09
Zach, Amin and Mayes return to Gotham City to find out if the Iceman really cometh after all. Will Poison Ivy push the Green New Deal through congress? Can Batgirl crack Alfred's three letter password? Is Bane capable of stringing a sentence together? What song sent Amin down a youtube rabbit hole? The answers to all those questions and more in the thrilling conclusion to this two parter.
Mar 24, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 75: Batman & Robin - Part 1
01:13:54
Zach, Amin and Mayes are rubbing ice cubes on their bat nipples to prepare for the onslaught of ice puns unleashed by Arnold as Dr. Victor Fries terrorizes Gotham. This movie put the Batman Franchise into cryogenic sleep for 8 years until Christopher Nolan found the cure for Schumacher Syndrome. Assemble your own Un-United Nations and hit Bane's turbo button, you've only got eleven minutes to thaw this podcast and listen before it's frozen forever.
Mar 17, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 74: Eraser (with JuJu Gotti)
01:56:04
Zach, Amin, Mayes and special guest JuJu Gotti usually work alone, but they've burned their credit cards and random baby photos in order to record this episode incognito. Arnold month continues with this movie overflowing with outrageous stunts, James Caan's smugness, light speed bullets and voracious luggage. Hurry up and listen to this podcast before it gets Erased.
Mar 10, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 73: Twins
01:40:56
Zach, Amin and Mayes discover they were created by a top secret experiment designed to produce physically, spiritually, and mentally advanced podcasters. Once united, they complement each other perfectly and take a road trip to Texas, while losing their virginity, buying matching suits and stalking their long lost mother along the way.
Mar 03, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 72: Action Jackson
01:42:02
Zach, Amin and Mayes are back in the eighties with Detroit's favorite son, Jericho "Action" Jackson, a former track star with a Harvard Law Degree, and boy does he live up to his name in this one. This movie has everything: Banter, sleazy bad guys doing kung fu, naked pop stars on heroin, ninja assassins, ridiculous explosions and auto union conspiracy. This is a Cinephobe you don't want to miss.
Feb 24, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 71: How High
01:33:12
Zach, Amin and Mayes are back at Harvard after acing their THCs thanks to help of the Ghost of Exposition present. They'll tangle with uptight Dean Cain, dirty mack on Bart Dooster's girl and bring hookers to the dorms, all while putting the finishing touches on a botany project that will benefit mankind. Now go warm me up some Pork Chops O’Chunky.
Feb 17, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 70: Soul Man
01:40:34
Black History Month continues on Cinephobe as Zach, Amin and Mayes take their cutting edge tanning pills and head to Harvard Law School on the Henry Q Bouchard scholarship to learn that it's not so easy being black after all. You can really feel 400 years of oppression in every single frame of this movie.
Feb 10, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 69: Money Talks (with Josiah Johnson)
01:31:08
Cinephobe kicks off Black History Month with this archival footage of Chris Tucker in his prime. Josiah Johnson the meme king joins Zach, Amin and Mayes to sing Vic Damone's greatest hits, kick it with Sammy Davis Jr. Jr. , and disguise Barry White lyrics as wedding toasts.
Feb 03, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 68: Gone in 60 Seconds (with Nando Vila)
01:43:41
Zach, Amin and Mayes come out of retirement to assemble the crew for one last job, bringing in Woke Bro Nando Vila to help steal 50 cars in one night. Cage month comes to a close in this car caper released just ahead of The Fast and the Furious in the year 2000. Can Nic save his brother from a vindictive carpenter? Can Amin finish a movie longer than 90 minutes? You'll have to listen to find out.
Jan 27, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 67: Kiss of Death
01:32:58
Grab your inhaler and head down to Babycakes strip club as Nic Cage month continues here on Cinephobe. What doesn't kill Zach, Amin and Mayes makes them stronger, they'll live free or die, and if you fuck with the bull you get the horns, so put on your poncho and blast that House of Pain CD, it's time to clean up your own backyard.
Jan 20, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 66: Snake Eyes
01:29:47
Zach, Amin and Mayes were made for this sewer and they are the kings. Cage Month rolls along with this 1998 thriller about conspiracy, a blind goody two shoes, political assassination, a married man and heavyweight boxing. Put your gold flip phone on silent and believe everything except your ears, because listening is deceiving.
Jan 13, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 65: Jiu Jitsu (with Pablo Torre)
01:38:34
Zach, Amin and Mayes are joined by Pablo Torre to square off one at a time with the ancient alien Brax, who has so much respect for the art of Jiu Jitsu that he never even dares to use it. Put on your paper hat and spit roast your finest fish, it's time to kick off Nicolas Cage month in style.
Jan 06, 2021
Cinephobe Promo
00:00:59
Cinephobe - The Podcast about the movies you're afraid to admit you love with Zach Harper, Amin Elhassan and Anthony Mayes.
Jan 05, 2021
Cinephobe Ep 64: Troll 2
01:34:22
Zach, Amin and Mayes close out the year by swapping houses with hospitable Utah peasants in the town of Nilbog. They'd rather be drinking Mountain Dew with their boys at the RV bordello, but all they've got is room temperature Nilbog milk. Be on the lookout for unattached girls, but whatever you do, don't eat the food.
Dec 30, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 63: Money Plane
01:34:04
You wanna listen to three podcasters on the verge of pissing themselves discuss a movie held together by terrible exposition and scotch tape? Money Plane.
Dec 23, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 62: Money Train - Part 2 (with Roy Bellamy)
00:55:40
Zach, Amin, Mayes and Roy are back on the Money Train to tangle ass with the transit twins, punch J Lo in the face and then bang her, get pick pocketed by an old lady and start a fire by striking gasoline with a metal pipe. We bled the breaks so this podcast won't stop until it reaches the end of the line.
Dec 16, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 62: Money Train - Part 1 (with Roy Bellamy)
00:56:16
Zach, Amin, Mayes and special guest Roy Bellamy board the Money Train and travel back to a simpler time, when the NY MTA was raking in millions of dollars of cold hard cash a day. It doesn't matter if there are people on the tracks, this train doesn't stop for anything! Give us some money so we can buy you a Christmas present, we definitely won't blow it immediately in a card game.
Dec 09, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 61: Last Action Hero
01:34:38
Zach, Amin and Mayes have obtained possession of Harry Houdini's magical golden ticket and use it to enjoy all of the glorious fruits this movie has to offer: Product placement, over the top explosions, shouting lieutenants, monologuing villains and freshmen named Skeezy. Where does the parody end and the movie begin?
Dec 02, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 60: The Fan
01:51:51
Zach, Amin and Mayes coulda made it to the bigs if only they had mastered the sacrifice fly (the most beautiful play in the game). Just like unemployed knife salesman Gil Renard, they want some respect, and they'll leave their own kids behind at opening day and follow you into a sauna if that's what it takes to get it.
Nov 25, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 59: Drillbit Taylor
01:21:44
Zach, Amin and Mayes are being relentlessly bullied (by each other), so they've posted an ad in search of a bodyguard. A homeless Owen Wilson comes to the rescue (wow!) to teach a trio of nerds self defense, steal their shit and bang their teacher. Just don't touch the dumpster at Ocean and Wilshire, that's his.
Nov 18, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 58: CATS
01:06:04
Welcome to Cinephobe! The jellicle podcast for jellicle podcats you should definitely be afraid to admit you love. Whether you're a washed up glamour cat like Grizabella, or a dissatisfied curious cat like Rum Tum Tugger, join us in a choreographed dance under the jellicle moon and see if you reach the Heavyside Layer. Jellicle.
Nov 11, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 57: That's My Boy
01:06:47
Zach, Amin and Mayes are reunited with their estranged father just in time for a beautiful waterfront wedding as the Sandler wars rage on. Help yourself to the strip club omelette bar and pull a Bud Heavy out of your loose sock, because Champale is up next and her vagina counts as double.
Nov 05, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 56: Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
01:24:30
News Headline! Cinephobe's finest prosti-dudes are Amsterdam bound for an all you can eat buffet of Portugese Breakfasts and Turkish Snow Cones. Zach, Amin and Mayes had to get 5 different colored tulips, eat two herring and drink a beer from a wooden shoe before they could record this podcast.
Oct 28, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 55: Johnny Be Good
01:34:27
Fresh off a dominant performance in the championship game, Zach, Amin and Mayes find themselves subsumed by recruiters who all want a piece of the latest Cinephobe. Whether playing 3 on 3 football against the cops, or flirting with a young Uma Thurman, one thing's for sure: Johnny Got Game.
Oct 21, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 54: Grown Ups 2
01:20:42
The Rental Wars wage on as Zach, Amin and Mayes dress up like their favorite 80s character and groove to the J Geils Band (sans J Geils). Bring your survival fanny pack and avoid the frat boys because it's getting rough out here.
Oct 14, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 53: R.I.P.D.
01:22:34
Zach, Amin and Mayes are frosty and huntin for Deados in this afterlife romp that takes place over the course of 3 or 4 days. Whether your carcass was picked apart by coyotes, or you're trying to reconnect with your French wife while disguised as James Hong, snort a bump of cumin and buckle up.
Oct 07, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 52: The Lawnmower Man Part 2
00:45:57
Zach, Amin and Mayes' minds are like clean, hungry sponges as they strap into the Gyrosphere and overdose on nootropic drugs before projecting this podcast into the mainframe and becoming Cyber Christs.
Sep 30, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 52: The Lawnmower Man Part 1
01:04:40
Zach, Amin and Mayes aren't into reality reality, they're into virtual reality with this 1992 film that's not legally allowed to connect itself to the Stephen King short story. Fill up your gas can and crank up the sexual tension for another epic 2-part Cinephobe spectacular.
Sep 23, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 51: Mom and Dad
01:20:08
Zach, Amin and Mayes are back in the Cage for this nuanced action horror dark comedy that uses its conceit to peel back the layers of being a washed parent in modern society. Whether you get your news from a portable dvd player or prefer concentrated ethological exposition from Dr Oz while you hit the bong, this is the movie for you.
Sep 22, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 50: The Break-Up
01:15:17

Breaking up is hard to do, just ask the recently rekindled Cinephobe crew. Zach Harper, Amin Elhassan and Anthony Mayes are a couple of podcasters that don't have a goddamn future, and they're taking over by air, land and sea. Just promise us you're not gonna do anything.

Sep 09, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 49: Wet Hot American Summer
01:22:20

After Amin's dramatic exit from the show, Zach and Mayes pack their bags for the 2001 summer camp comedy cult classic that features horny summer love, lots of unlikely therapy, and all the other quintessential experiences Camp Firewood has to offer.

Sep 05, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 48: After Earth
01:14:45

Zach, Amin and Mayes return to the quarantine zone for the 2013 sci-fi thriller that teaches us important lessons about parenthood and the dangers of environmental exploitation. Make sure you've got your go pro backpack, cutlass and horrific futuristic accent secured for this 100 km podcast journey.

Aug 27, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 47: Movie 43
01:20:44

Zach, Amin and Mayes scour the dark web to find the elusive, offensive "film" crudely assembled from various writers, directors and actors and sewn together like a sketch movie Frankenstein. Stop fingering your iBabe for a minute and listen. (Movies 1-42 are not prerequisite viewing for this podcast)

Aug 19, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 46: Takers
01:20:55

Zach, Amin and Mayes suit up and shoot the moon for this 2010 heist movie loaded with emotional baggage. You have to wait at least a year between jobs so the heat cools off, but you don't have to wait more than a week for another spectacular episode of Cinephobe.

Aug 12, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 45: Catwoman
01:34:14

Zach, Amin and Mayes take a trip to CGI city for the 2004 female empowerment saga that put Halle Berry in a leather body suit to find her true calling. Another one name director (Pitof), another Cinephobe classic. 

Aug 05, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 44: A Million Ways to Die in the West
01:20:01

Zach, Amin and Mayes take a trip to the moustachery in this 2014 comedy that everyone agrees isn't as good as Blazing Saddles (one of the foremost classic comedies of all time). This movie takes several pages out of Amin's dream journal and if you listen, we'll show you a real dollar bill for the first time in your life.

Jul 29, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 43: The Adventures of Pluto Nash
01:20:17

Zach, Amin and Mayes blast off for the 2002 futuristic moon caper comedy starring Eddie Murphy as a legendary rill hopper. Pluto is just your run of the mill ex con small business owner battling gentrification by local government in bed with corrupt capitalist casinos all while crusading for android rights. 

Jul 22, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 42: Ghost Rider Part 2
00:54:53

Zach, Amin and Mayes are the only ones that can walk between both worlds and have returned with the scroll of San Venganza to finish off Blackheart and his elemental demons once and for all. Listen closely as Amin's soul gradually leaves his body down the stretch.

Jul 15, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 42: Ghost Rider Part 1
01:04:03

Zach, Amin and Mayes are back in the Cage yet again having sold their souls for this 2007 film that launched the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Fill your martini glass with jelly beans and blast the Carpenters, we're jumping five blackhawk helicopters cuz our dad thought it would be cool.

Jul 08, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 41: Tango & Cash (with Stugotz)
01:37:35

Zach, Amin and Mayes hit the showers for this 1989 buddy cop classic and are joined by Cinephobe's first guest, Stugotz of The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz. We make billion dollar drug busts and margin calls while nattily attired in three piece Armani suits before making a prison break in the pouring rain. Listen to learn why Stugotz has this movie in his top 5 of all time.

Jul 01, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 40: Along Came Polly
01:12:34

Zach, Amin and Mayes are for scuba in this romantic comedy as a risk averse Ben Stiller tackles dating advice, ethnic food, blind ferrets, throw pillows, and horrendous pick up basketball in his pursuit of Jennifer Aniston. Yes, this is the podcast from crocodile tears.

Jun 29, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 39: I Am Wrath
01:20:19

Zach, Amin and Mayes travel to Columbus, Ohio for a gritty, hard hitting, action movie starring Cinephobe Legend John Travolta. Pitbull's best friend is slamming Cleveland Reserve bourbon, picking up smoking again, getting tattoos, and reconnecting with his old partner to seek vengeance because the bible told him to, or something.

Jun 29, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 38: Teen Witch
01:16:12

Zach, Amin and Mayes double dip with another horny 80s teen supernatural comedy. An alleged cult classic (?) that features dick soliloquies, barbershop rap groups, predatory psychics, mysterious disappearances and a little brother with an undiagnosed eating disorder leads to yet another unforgettable podcast.

Jun 29, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 37: Teen Wolf Too
01:14:34

Zach, Amin and Mayes throw in the proverbial towel with the horniest Cinephobe movie to date. Jason Bateman's debut comes in a classic coming of age college romp, complete with Trans Am Douchebags, southern temptresses, and flying bowls of pudding. This podcast is a dog.

Jun 29, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 36: Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever
01:18:49

The movie they didn't want us to see led to the podcast you just can't miss. Zach, Amin and Mayes take a jaunt north of the border to scenic Vancouver, leisurely ride around on motorcycles, take an impromptu trip to the aquarium, and blow up the entire train depot in pursuit of a missing child who holds the key to important nano technology.

Jun 29, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 35: Cop Out
01:09:55

Zach, Amin and Mayes turn in their guns and badges for another odd couple cop comedy that serves as indie darling Kevin Smith's first and only sell out. Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan encounter a  mastermind child car thief, a baseball obsessed drug dealer, and a parkour expert who dabbles in tasering, all while suspended, in order to pay for Bruce's daughter's wedding.

Jun 26, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 34: Coffee & Kareem
01:09:29

Zach, Amin and Mayes unite to discuss the odd couple partnership between a foul mouthed youth and a piece of Wonderbread in a cop's uniform, but still find plenty of time to tackle important subjects like Octavia Spencer's career and Richard Gere's fertility. (Neither Spencer nor Gere appear in this movie)

Jun 26, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 33: Scary Movie 3
01:07:47

Zach, Amin and Mayes open a time capsule chock full of very specific references from 2003 disguised as a parody film. We tackle semantic arguments, when a reference is just straight up theft, and announce the top 5 worst child actors in Cinephobe history.

Jun 26, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 32: Primal
01:13:28

Zach, Amin and Mayes get back in the Cage, quite literally this time, as they take an elusive white jaguar back to America in the hopes of turning it into a house on Pine Lake. Dumb kids, baby monkeys and scurvy engineers might try to stop us, but they'll never take our whiskey and cigars.

Jun 26, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 31: Hall Pass
01:19:49

Zach, Amin and Mayes are given an idea by Joy Behar to take one week off from their marriage to truly awful movies. They learned club analysis from Coakley, ate Gary's special brownies, and entertained Hog Head's hypotheticals, but in the end they returned to Cinephobe changed men.

Jun 26, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 30: Spenser Confidential
01:24:31

Zach, Amin and Mayes have just been released from prison after 5 years and despite people telling them not to, they just can't help but review this Mark Wahlberg / Peter Berg movie. Spoiler Alert: This movie is set in Boston.

Jun 25, 2020
Cinephobe April Fools: The Departed
01:10:42

This week on Cinephile, Adnan revisits the film that finally earned Martin Scorcese his elusive academy award for directing. Does the electric ensemble cast present a strong enough argument to join Marty's Mount Rushmore? You'll have to listen to find out.

Jun 25, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 29: Double Impact Part 2
00:53:31

Zach, Amin and Mayes return to Hong Kong for the thrilling conclusion of Double Impact. That's right, there's two of them, so put down that bottle of whiskey, just chill out and listen.

Jun 25, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 29: Double Impact Part 1
00:54:24

Zach, Amin and Mayes are welcomed to Hong Kong with the 1991 action classic starring the Muscles from Brussels himself twin brothers seeking revenge on the men that killed their parents. They have the same accent but one of them only wears pastels and the other never puts out his cigar, so that's how you know they're different.

Jun 25, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 28: Problem Child
01:12:54

Zach, Amin and Mayes navigate the anti liberal mishegas and overt sexuality of this 1990 kids movie smash hit. We discuss little league play by play announcers, the magical talents of John Ritter, and Amin still wants to do Cinephobe on a train.

Jun 25, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 27: Wild Wild West
01:16:58

Zach, Amin and Mayes are going straight...to...the wild wild west to cross dress, engage in racist roast battles, battle enormous mechanical spiders, and save the United States with the 1997 steampunk western.

Jun 25, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 26: The Fanatic
01:14:55

Zach, Amin and Mayes get their diamond rhinestone black leather vests out for Hunter Dunbar to autograph in a movie starring John Travolta, who's essentially a Cinephobe co-host at this point, and the film auteur Fred Durst. We've got scooter sequences, homages to Misery and Reservoir Dogs, and one of Amin's best ever connections to a classic film.

Jun 25, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 25: Gotti
01:01:28

Zach, Amin and Mayes put on John Gotti's old suits, and they can still smell the cologne. This disastrous film starring John Travolta and directed by E from Entourage certainly delivers when it comes to incoherence and Pitbull songs. Travolta is making his case to be the Cinephobe poster boy.

Jun 25, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 24: Jade
01:04:27

Zach, Amin and Mayes dive back into the Eszterhas universe as a couple of lawyers acting like cops on the hunt for a mysterious killer known only as Jade.

Jun 25, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 23: Theodore Rex
01:14:21

Zach, Amin and Mayes watch a movie selected by the fans in the Discord, and boy was it a mistake to give the people the power. We investigate dinosaur and aviary anatomy, whether the term "soft skin" is racist, and dive deep into the off camera ramifications that caused Oscar winning actress Whoopi Goldberg to appear in this straight to video disaster.

Jun 25, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 22: Gigli
01:16:53

Zach, Amin and Mayes continue to spiral deeper and deeper into the dregs of Hollywood to discuss the movie that either caused or was caused by the celebrity couple Bennifer (that's Jennifer Lopez not Jennifer Aniston). We speculate on the lives of Nick Saban look-alikes, debate Al Pacino's merits as a yeller, and question what this podcast is even about anymore.

Jun 25, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 21: 6 Underground
01:09:34

Zach, Amin and Mayes are just a couple of ghosts, free to podcast about any movie they choose! And they chose the $150 million dollar Michael Bay Netflix epic that starts with a 20 minute car chase sequence. Assemble your team and jet set around the world to get revenge on the made up dictator that ruined your charity photo op.

Jun 25, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 20: Fred Claus
01:11:37

Zach, Amin and Mayes travel to the north pole for a holly jolly Christmas edition of Cinephobe. We're repossessing Plasma TVs and buying real estate from Survivor winners in order to reconnect with our estranged family and save Santa's business!

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 19: Battlefield Earth
01:03:50

Zach, Amin and Mayes strap in to the learning machine for one of their worst movies yet. In the year 3000, man-animals last hope is a dreadlocked white man named Jonny Goodboy in the battle against nine foot tall disgusting middle managers on the crap filled factory known as Earth.

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 18: Good Luck Chuck
01:26:41

Zach, Amin and Mayes take a jaunt back to the time when Dane Cook was on top of the world, and the world was made up of MySpace and comedy CDs. Based on a short story by a Los Angeles architect, this mystical rom com has a fascination with boobs and unlimited penguins.

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 17: Horrible Bosses 2
01:24:57

Zach, Amin and Mayes bust out their thickest southern accents for this rare sequel that is better than the original. We discuss elegant handshake techniques, fuck marry kill scenarios, and finally determine whether "Bend her over a barrel and show her the 50 states" is actually a saying. From the stacked cast to the rat-a-tat joke filled banter, this movie is a rollicking good time, even Tony Medley agrees!

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 16: Showgirls Part 2
01:08:12

The movie so jam packed with nudity it needed a whole second episode to cover every nip and snatch. Zach, Amin and Mayes fawn over Gina Gershon, respect honest apologies and tally up the number of times our main character storms out of a scene. Cinephobe is headed straight to the top! We don't need an understudy.

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 16: Showgirls Part 1
01:07:18

Zach, Amin and Mayes bare it all to discuss the cinematic supernova that is 1995's Showgirls. This movie ruined multiple Hollywood careers, but it becomes the first Cinephobe to earn a sequel. In part 1 of the podcast, the gang crushes on Gina Gershon, worries about James' job security, and Amin reveals something from his past that made him exceedingly prepared to discuss this film.

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 15: Gemini Man
01:03:29

Zach and Amin take on the first movie to get a Cinephobe treatment while still in theaters. The Ang Lee directed, Will Smith dual role cloning action thriller is filled with distracting visuals and has been bouncing around Hollywood development hell since 1997. On track to be one of the largest box office flops of the year, this is a podcast you won't want to miss.

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 14: Hurricane Heist
01:06:20

Zach, Amin and Mayes brave the storm of the century to steal a bunch of money bound for the shredder. We've got hackers, terrible southern accents, a knock off Batmobile, powerful senses of smell, and pallets full of action. Tensions are high here at Cinephobe, so check it out before we tear ourselves apart like a Cat 4.

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 13: The Heartbreak Kid
01:07:45

Zach, Amin and Mayes take a road trip to Cabo and get sick of each other when the red flags start flying. This 2007 film featuring Ben Stiller teaches us about spinning elaborate webs of lies, jackhammers, immigration, and pussy crushing counting. Will this podcast make it past the honeymoon phase?

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 12: Hot Rod
01:12:59

Zach, Amin and Mayes jump 15 buses to pay for their step dad's conveniently priced surgery as they crash into this 2007 debut feature film from the Lonely Island. You are all invited to join our crew, once you pass initiation, but just remember that I am the one that parties. That's a flavor!

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 11: Swordfish
01:27:31

Zach, Amin and Mayes break the fourth wall to discuss Skip Woods' 2001 masterpiece of cinematic scriptwriting, Swordfish! Stanley Jobson (Hugh Hackman) is the man for the job, and he's just trying to get his daughter back from the Porn King of southern California. Whether you're here to research Halle Berry's role in the film or just a die hard Thomas Jefferson truther, this is the movie for you. 

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 10: Mr. Magoo
01:04:47

Zach, Amin and Mayes review the movie released by Disney on Christmas Day 1997. Join us as we contemplate the origin of the name Quincy, the relevance of companies Compaq & Nortel, and which NBA owner most resembles the main character. Zach speculates on the origin of the eggplant emoji and Amin wonders whether Mission Impossible or Mr Magoo revolutionized the cable drop.

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 9: White Chicks
01:42:26

Zach, Amin and Mayes put their jobs with good benefits on the line as we break down the 2004 Wayans Bros classic. Our longest episode to date might put you in a wheelchair, but don't worry the feeling will come back. Whether you only recognize Vanessa Carlton because of this movie or know that she had an absolute banger two years before, this is the podcast for you. 

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 8: The Wicker Man
01:01:28

Completing the Cage trifecta, take a journey with Zach, Amin and Mayes to SummersIsle, but don't expect any of that signature Royal Honey because last year's harvest was a disaster. This island in the puget sound is full of creepy silent men, chanting female twins, ominous bee keeping outfits and jarred fetii, but this film comes down to one crucial editing mistake.

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 7: Spies Like Us
01:06:54

Zach, Amin and Mayes go behind enemy lines to decode Spies Like Us, one of Amin's favorite's from the 1980s.

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 6: Never Back Down
01:30:03

Zach, Amin and Mayes are back to grapple with the 2008 Orlando Brawler classic, Never Back Down, featuring the gentleman from Amistad. Join the Cinephobe gang as they explore the specific time period when you would print out Mapquest directions and the facility of dental dams to a caucophony of awful late 2000s music.

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 5: Jupiter Ascending
01:06:41

Zach and Amin are brought to the brink of rage at Mayes' pick, the space opera Jupiter Ascending. They discuss Channing Tatum saying words he clearly can't define, whatever it was Eddie Redmayne was going through in this movie, and the proper way to clean a toilet. Protect your telescope at all costs, and most of all, respect the honesty of bees.

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 4: Knowing
01:20:32

Zach, Amin and Mayes get in the Cage yet again, staying up all night with overflowing glasses of whiskey to decrypt "Knowing". Join us as Amin cross examines the accuracy of telephone habits and TiVo recordings while Zach gives insight into the mind of an alcoholic MIT professor.

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 3: Land of the Lost
01:06:41

Zach, Amin and Mayes take a routine expedition in a tiny raft to the Land of the Lost, the 2009 remake of the 1974 TV show starring Will Ferrell and Danny McBride. Join us as we answer important scientific questions such as “If you shot a ton of pot at the sun, would it burn up and get everybody high?”.

Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 2: Next
01:13:55

You might be asking, what's next for Cinephobe? The answer of course is the 2007 Nicolas Cage classic Next.

Zach, Amin and Mayes see this movie two minutes at a time and discuss one of the worst endings (if you can even call it an ending) ever.
Jun 24, 2020
Cinephobe Ep 1: Kangaroo Jack: G'Day U.S.A.!
00:49:21

Zach, Amin and Mayes present Cinephobe, a podcast on the Count The Dings Network that showcases their shared affinity for bad movies.

This week they tackle Kangaroo Jack 2: G'Day U.S.A.!, and even though Amin fell asleep and Zach was playing games on his phone, they still have plenty of takes.
Jun 24, 2020
Darth Amin's Rule of 2: A Jedi Returns
01:04:32

Darth Amin kicks off the new year by bringing on actor and all-around Star Wars expert Freddie Prinze Jr to discuss the Rise of Skywalker movie, fallout and reaction plus they dive into The Mandalorian and how the show has tied in perfectly to some animated series.

Jan 07, 2020
Darth Amin's Rule of 2: Confusion
01:03:21

Darth Amin is joined by his normal trusty sidekick, his producer Rob Lopez, and they react to the release of the 'Rise of Skywalker' and the latest episode of The Mandalorian. Many new questions and theories have arrived in the Star Wars universe.

Dec 24, 2019
Darth Amin's Rule of 2: Traitors
01:19:30

Darth Amin is joined on his latest voyage by a new apprentice, Stephanie Snowden who makes a strong case for the prequel films. The duo races across the galaxy to recap the latest episode of The Mandalorian before discussing the Jedi Fallen Order video game and closing on some predictions for the 'Rise of Skywalker', the alleged culmination film in the Skywalker canon which is set to be released nationwide later this week.

Dec 17, 2019
Darth Amin's Rule of 2: Babysitter
01:08:18

Darth Amin turned on hyperspeed to return for another episode and his new apprentice on this voyage to a galaxy far, far away is Ryan Ruocco. The pair breaks down the latest episode of 'The Mandalorian'. They discuss 'Yiddy' getting a baby sitter, Mando's distaste for droids, the bounty hunter battle and who that mysterious figure might be. They also share some theories on the upcoming 'Rise of Skywalker' film set to release in select theaters next week.

Dec 10, 2019
Darth Amin's Rule of 2: The Return
01:17:38

Darth Amin has returned and this time he is accompanied by his apprentice Pablo Torre on this voyage to a galaxy far, far away. The duo discusses the latest piece of content from the Star Wars universe, The Mandalorian. The guys also talk about the origins everyone's favorite new character Baby Yoda (aka Yiddie), the lineage of Bounty Hunters, some easter eggs and they look ahead to the upcoming 'Rise of Skywalker' film.

Dec 03, 2019