The Best Advice Show

By Zak Rosen

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 May 1, 2020

Description

The Best Advice Show is your reminder that there are weird, delightful and effective ways to make life slightly and sometimes profoundly better. In every (very short) episode of the show, a different contributor offers their take on making life more joyful, healthful and livable and it's likely gonna be something you can try today, if you want.

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Episode Date
A Wipe in the Woods with Aiden Church
6:31

Aiden Church has worked as a wilderness guide in Colorado and British Columbia.

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Send Zak your poop advice @844-935-BEST

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Check out past TBAS episode Pooping with Kira Newman.

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IG: @bestadviceshow

home: bestadvice.show

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Aug 11, 2022
Floating Sound with Rikke Houd
3:53

Rikke Houd is a Danish independent working in the field of crafted audio storytelling and documentary art.

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Leave Zak your advice by calling 844-935-BEST

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IG: @bestadviceshow

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Aug 09, 2022
Morning Joy Practice with Brandi Stanley
4:59

Brandi Stanley writes and podcasts at This Plus That.

Here's what Brandi wrote about her joy practice.

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Thanking and Planing with Brody and Lainey

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Morning Routines with Steven Handel

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What's Your Morning Routine? Call me and leave a voice message @ 844-935-BEST

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Aug 04, 2022
You're a Traveler not a Tourist with Evan Stern
7:05

Evan Stern hosts the travel show, Vanishing Postcards.

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Leave Zak your travel advice by calling 844-935-BEST

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IG: @bestadviceshow

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Today's show is brought to you with support from CERCA.



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Aug 02, 2022
There is No Normal with Amy Brennaman
5:19

Amy Brenneman is an actress and producer. She hosts The Challengers and stars as Olivia in Play on Podcasts version of the Twelfth Night .

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Practicing Impressions with Josh Ruben

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Jul 28, 2022
You're Gonna Wait! with Erin Allen
4:56

Erin Allen is a radio and podcast producer and yoga teacher in Detroit

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This is Water - David Foster Wallace

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Jul 26, 2022
The Best Sleep of Your Life with Courtney Daniels
2:26

Courtney Daniels is a writer-director. Her films are about marriage and the struggles of creative people. Her new series is about actors looking for love and work in LA called This F*%king Town. It'll be on streaming platforms soon.

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James Nestors' book is Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art

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Releasing Psychic Stress with Jenny Lee

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Jul 21, 2022
Making Amends in the Key of C with Sam Lamott
15:06

Sam Lamott hosts the wonderful podcast, How to Human

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Jul 19, 2022
The Stories We Tell with Sarah Polley
7:09

Sarah Polley is an Academy Award-nominated screenwriter, director, and actor. After making short films, Polley made her feature-length directorial debut with the drama film Away from Her in 2006. Polley received an Oscar nomination for the screenplay, which she adapted from the Alice Munro story “The Bear Came Over the Mountain.” Her other projects include the documentary film Stories We Tell (2012), which won the New York Film Critics Circle prize and the National Board of Review award for best documentary; the miniseries adaptation of Margaret Atwood’s novel Alias Grace (2017); and the romantic comedy Take This Waltz (2011). Polley began her acting career as a child, starring in many productions for film and television. Her new book is Run Towards the Danger.

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Jul 14, 2022
Sarah Polley Stopped Trying to Fill in the Gaps
4:43

Sarah Polley is an Academy Award-nominated screenwriter, director, and actor. After making short films, Polley made her feature-length directorial debut with the drama film Away from Her in 2006. Polley received an Oscar nomination for the screenplay, which she adapted from the Alice Munro story “The Bear Came Over the Mountain.” Her other projects include the documentary film Stories We Tell (2012), which won the New York Film Critics Circle prize and the National Board of Review award for best documentary; the miniseries adaptation of Margaret Atwood’s novel Alias Grace (2017); and the romantic comedy Take This Waltz (2011). Polley began her acting career as a child, starring in many productions for film and television. Her new book is Run Towards the Danger.

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Leave Zak your advice by calling 844-935-BEST

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Jul 12, 2022
Tell Me About My Lawn with Tod Perry
4:16

Tod Perry co-hosts and produces the UpWorthy Weekly podcast. He's one of Upworthy’s most prolific writers and has a long history in podcasting including the hit show What’s This Tao All About?

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Jul 07, 2022
Best of the Best: Alex Guarnaschelli
3:38

Alex Guarnaschelli is a mother, chef, TV host, and native New Yorker.

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What's your best food/life advice? Let Zak know at 844-935-BEST



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Jun 30, 2022
Best of the Best Advice: Loving Anything with Mike Mills
8:32

Mike Mills is a filmmaker and the writer/director of C'mon C'mon.

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In this episode Mike references Patti Smith, Arthur Rimbaud, Charles Pierre Baudelaire, Eric Satie, Édouard Manet, The Clash, IDLES.

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The movie Zak talks about is Me and You and Everyone We Know by Miranda July.

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Leave Zak your advice by calling 844-935-BEST

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Jun 28, 2022
Best of the Best: Say the Nice Thing! with Shira and Evangeline
3:29

Evangeline Garreau writes the Good Questions newsletter. Read it!

Shira Heisler is a physician and complimenter.

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To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST



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Jun 23, 2022
Best of the Best Advice: Creation with Shirley Woodson
5:52

Shirley Woodson is an artist and educator. She's the 2021 Kresge Eminent Artist. Her solo show, Why Do I Delight is up at the Detroit Artists Market through 10/23. You can download or purchase the new Shirley Woodson monograph, here.

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To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST



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Jun 21, 2022
Best of the Best Advice: Starting and Finishing with Erica Heilman
2:55

Erica Heilman (@rumblestripvt) is the host of the podcast, Rumble Strip.

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To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST




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Jun 16, 2022
Best of the Best Advice: Peeling Grapes with Noa
3:59

Noa eats fruit from her home in Detroit, MI.

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Morning Zesting with Drew Philp

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Leave Zak your advice by calling 844-935-BEST

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Jun 14, 2022
Essential Advice from Recent Middle-School Graduates
10:54

Naja, Sebastian, Asia, Jessica, Lenzia and Zora are recent graduates of the James and Grace Lee Boggs School in Detroit. Hear their advice on today's graduation special!

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Jun 09, 2022
How to achieve easy umami flavors with Dr. Michael Strausz
5:55

Michael Strausz is a dad, cook and professor living in Texas. He's the author of Help (Not) Wanted: Immigration Politics in Japan. You can hear his past food-centric advice here and here.

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Leave Zak your cooking advice for Zak by calling 844-935-BEST

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Jun 07, 2022
Your Summer Vacation with Dr. Susie Wise
4:54

For years designer and Stanford d.school educator, Dr. Susie Wise, has coached overwhelmed school and community leaders across the country who didn't know where to start. She uses the classical tools of design to approach belonging in a whole new way. The tools in Design for Belonging help bridge the gap between the logistical planning of your office meeting or organizational restructure and the way you want people to feel when they participate.

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What are you recent favorite episodes or pieces of advice? I'm gonna run them during my summer vacay. Lemme know at zak@bestadvice.show





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Jun 02, 2022
Real Estate & Heartbreak with Gina Pensiero
5:43

Gina Pensiero is a parent, musician and writer living in Brooklyn

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All Split Up and Nowhere to Go By Bridget Read

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Feeling Through with Amy Dallas

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What's the best advice you've ever heard? Call me@844-935-BEST

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May 31, 2022
Words are Windows with Stevon Lewis
6:33

Stevon Lewis is a licensed psychotherapist, speaker, author, and host of the podcast, How to Talk to High Achievers About Anything.

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Leave Zak your advice by calling 844-935-BEST

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May 26, 2022
Anne Kadet Wears the Same Thing Everyday
6:53

Anne Kadet is a journalist and writer of the newsletter, CAFÉ ANNE where you can read about The Naked Cowboy's Morning Routine.

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Leave Zak your advice by calling 844-935-BEST

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May 25, 2022
Someone You Used to Be with Anne Kadet
3:55

Anne Kadet is a journalist and writer of the newsletter, CAFÉ ANNE.

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Leave Zak your advice by calling 844-935-BEST

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May 24, 2022
Looking After Yourself with Martha Lawton
10:53

Martha Lawton is a financial coach and host of Squanderlust, a podcast about the emotional side of money, why our actions aren't always as good as our intentions and what we can do about it.

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Leave Zak your advice by calling 844-935-BEST

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May 19, 2022
Do Look Up with Rob Walker
5:55

Rob Walker is the author of the book, The Art of Noticing and the wonderful newsletter of the same name. Subscribe for free here!


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Elevating the Mundane with Teri Turner

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HOW DO YOU ELEVATE THE MUNDNE? TELL ME AT 844-935-BEST

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May 17, 2022
Showing Up Makes a Huge Difference with Dr. Annalisa Enrile
5:03

Dr. Annalisa Enrile is a Clinical Professor at the USC Suzanne Dworak-Peck School of Social Work, turning classrooms into brave spaces to train the next generation of change-makers. She's the host of the new podcast, Goodniks.

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Asking for Help with Emma Fialka-Feldman

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May 12, 2022
How To Choose Among All the Problems that Need Our Attention with Jeff Leitner
2:38

Jeff Leitner is a social innovator who works with governments, institutions, foundations, corporations, and NGOs to solve problems that matter. His new podcast is Goodniks.

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Leave Zak your advice by calling 844-935-BEST

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May 10, 2022
Owen Raun is Running Late
3:24

Owen Raun is a residential mortgage lender in Houston.

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Being Late with Meredith Nicoll

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Leave Zak your advice by calling 844-935-BEST

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May 05, 2022
Rachel Jacobson Tries to Act Like She's on Vacation All the Time
7:37

Rachel Jacobson helps people deal with climate impacts across North America.

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Practicing Freedom with Amanda Alexander

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May 03, 2022
A Rainbow Squared with Ilyse Iris
5:27

ilyse iris magy is an interdisciplinary performance artist whose work positions daily life as a site of creation, documenting and engineering experiences that interrogate and elevate the ordinary. Her social practice engages the would-be audience as co-creators through playful public interventions and participatory events, while her personal practice documents and expands artmaking as performance itself. Learn more about A Rainbow Squared here.

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Apr 28, 2022
Rehearsing your Future with Bob Doyle
7:11

Bob Doyle is best known for his contribution to the film and book “The Secret”, as a law of attraction expert and coach. Recently, Bob’s attention has shifted from the metaphysical aspects of the Law of Attraction or “reality creation” process, to a more grounded and biological look at what controls our experiences, our brain. You can take his "Evolve Your Excellence" challenge here.

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Apr 26, 2022
Earth Day with Tamara Lindemen from The Weather Station
10:35

Tamara Lindeman is a musician from the band, The Weather Station. Their latest album is HOW IS IT THAT I SHOULD LOOK AT THE STARS.

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INVESTIGATING YOUR SHAME WITH HEATHER RADKE

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To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Instagram

Facebook

Twitter




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Apr 21, 2022
Are you too high? Ellen Scanlon is here to help.
5:08

As the host of How to Do the Pot, you’ll find Ellen Lee Scanlon behind the mic, interviewing diverse, modern women about their remarkable experiences with cannabis, recommending the essential strains for women, and sharing the latest research on the psychological and physical benefits of the plant.

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Facing Your Fears with Michael Porter Jr.

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Leave Zak your advice by calling 844-935-BEST

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Apr 19, 2022
The Sweatpants Gospel with Sandy Danto
5:32

Sandy Danto is a stand-up comedian and actor based in Hollywood, CA. He can be seen on episodes of MAD TV, National Lampoon shorts, and is a regular at the Comedy Store. His album is called Daddy Boy. LISTEN HERE.

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Apr 14, 2022
Know your Weakness with Rebecca Lavoie
7:07

Rebecca Lavoie oversees the team that makes New Hampshire Public Radio podcasts. She's also the host of her own hit podcast, Crime Writers On…, on which she moderates a panel discussing other podcasts, pop culture, true crime, and journalism, as well as the host of the Netflix podcast, You Can't Make This Up.


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Apr 12, 2022
H.A.L.T. with Jocelyn Mackenzie
4:32

Jocelyn Mackenzie is a Brooklyn-based musician, maker, and medium. A singer, songwriter, songwriting coach, artist, stylist, intuitive, and psychic, she recently released her debut solo album PUSH on Righteous Babe Records.

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Leave Zak your advice by calling 844-935-BEST or email him at ZAK@bestadvice.show

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Apr 07, 2022
Your Body is Speaking to You with Dr. Serena Sterling
7:55

Dr. Serena Sterling is a clinical psychologist and life-coach.

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****EDITOR'S NOTE: Since this episode was published, I became aware that the author mentioned, Louise Hay, had a sordid history inside the AIDS epidemic. To learn more, check out "How Louise Hay’s Spiritual Pseudoscience Harmed a Generation of Gay Men." TBAS does not endorse Hay or her work.

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You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay

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Leave Zak your advice by calling 844-935-BEST

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Check out How to Talk to [High Achievers] about Anything, a podcast from LWC Studios hosted by Stevon Lewis, a licensed psychotherapist and coach. In each episode, Stevon offers feedback and strategies on a range of topics including the pressures of being an entrepreneur, the rigors of leading creative people, the struggle to stay motivated, the cost of fitting in, and much more. 



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Apr 05, 2022
A Portal to Learning with Jessica Nordell
5:23

Jessica Nordell (@jessnordell) is a science and culture journalist. She is the author of the new book The End of Bias: A Beginning.

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This Is How Everyday Sexism Could Stop You From Getting That Promotion

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Mar 31, 2022
Loving Anything with Mike Mills
8:22

Mike Mills is a filmmaker and the writer/director of C'mon C'mon.

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In this episode Mike references Patti Smith, Arthur Rimbaud, Charles Pierre Baudelaire, Eric Satie, Édouard Manet, The Clash, IDLES.

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The movie Zak talks about is Me and You and Everyone We Know by Miranda July.

---

Leave Zak your advice by calling 844-935-BEST

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Mar 29, 2022
Self-Worth Beyond Production with Grace Bonney
6:24

Grace Bonney is the author of COLLECTIVE WISDOM: Lessons, Inspiration, and Advice from Women over 50

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Calling for Robins with Phoebe McIndoe

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Mar 24, 2022
Dad on Pills with Chris Gethard
31:21

Chris Gethard is a comedian based out of the great state of New Jersey. He can be seen performing all over the world. He’s the host of the podcast Beautiful/Anonymous and the author of Dad on Pills.

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Check out Zak's other show, Mom and Dad Are Fighting!

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Mar 22, 2022
Archiving Comfort with Aaron Kaczander
5:31

Aaron Kaczander is a TV writer and producer living in LA

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Capturing the Mundane with Tad Davis

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Mar 17, 2022
Redistribution of Power at Work with Juleyka Lantigua
7:35

Juleyka Lantigua is the Founder/CEO of LWC Studios

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How Are You Feeling About Everything? with Erica Cerulo and Claire Mazur

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Leave Zak your advice by calling 844-935-BEST

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Mar 15, 2022
I Can Say No with Imani Mixon
5:17

Imani Mixon is a storyteller from Detroit.

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Hear Imani on Object of Sound talking Detroit Techno

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LISTEN TO BATTLE TACTICS FOR YOUR SEXIST WORKPLACE!

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Saying No with Aaron Handelsman

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Mar 10, 2022
The Best Advice Show at On Air Fest
24:41

The Best Advice Show presented a session at On Air Fest in late February. In it, Zak shares some of his favorite advice from the realms of art and creativity featuring...

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Hanif Abdurraqib - author, journalist, poet and host, Object of Sound

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Sharon Mashihi - artist and host, Appearances 

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Jay Acunzo - writer and host, Unthinkable

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Sara Brooke Curtis - radio artist and writer

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Jay Alison - host, The Moth Radio Hour and founder of Transom.org

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Sarah Geis - producer, editor, teacher, Chicagoan, keeper of audio playground

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Beth Pickens - therapist and author of Make Your Art No Matter What: Moving Beyond Creative Hurdles

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Kidada Williams - history professor and host, Seizing Freedom

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Caveh Zahedi - filmmaker and host, 365 Stories I Want To Tell You Before We Both Die

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Mar 08, 2022
Avoiding Stir-Craziness with Abigail Briggs
3:01

Abigail Briggs is a sales manager living in Florida

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Leave Zak your advice by calling 844-935-BEST

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Mar 03, 2022
Falling Back in Love with Reading with Allie Essary, Rachel Lee and Claire Ceresnie
7:51

Today's guests are Allie Essary, Rachel Lee and Clare Ceresnie.

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The books discussed in this episode include The Beekeeper's Apprentice, The Wild Robot and Nature's Silence Message.

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Mar 01, 2022
Practicing Restraint with Shira Heisler
4:12

Shira Heisler is a friend, mother, daughter, doctor and Zak's wife. She's the co-host of Pregnant Pause.

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Shira on Farting

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Shira on Fruit Prep

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Shira on Salting

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Shira on Complimenting

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Shira on Critiquing

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Shira on Splitting

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Feb 24, 2022
Nothing is Wasted with Steve Mallory
7:11

Steve Mallory is a writer, producer and actor. He wrote The Boss, Superintelligence and a short for The Loony Tunes Show!

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Skipping Disdain with Hanif Abdurraqib

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Feb 22, 2022
6:42 with Nancy and Manny Kalef
4:55

Nancy and Manny Kalef are residents of the Meer Apartments at Jewish Senior Life in suburban Detroit.

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Feb 17, 2022
Touching Feet with Shari and Eric Colton
5:47

Eric and Shari Colton live in NYC.

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Being Close with Michael Franti

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#valentinesday #relationshipadvice

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Feb 15, 2022
A Partial Register of the 927 (or was it 928?) Eternal Truths with Jan Worth-Nelson and Ted Nelson (and Sheldon Kopp)
7:23

Jan Worth-Nelson and Ted Nelson are consulting editors with East Village Magazine in Flint, MI

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An Eschatological Laundry list: By Sheldon Kopp (1974)

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Feb 10, 2022
Throw that Crappy Bottle of Vermouth Away with Ryan Patch
4:11

Ryan Patch co-created the new fiction podcast, City of Ghosts.

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Inventing Cocktails with Kamala Puligandala

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Feb 08, 2022
Future You is a Badass with Dr. Emily Anhalt
5:55

Dr. Emily Anhalt is a clinical psychologist, Emotional Fitness expert, international speaker, author, and the Co-Founder and Chief Clinical Officer of Coa: Your Gym for Mental Health

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Feb 03, 2022
Imagining You've Been Stuck on a Spaceship with Lucy Anderton
8:53

Lucy Anderton is a poet living in France. You can read her work here, here and here.

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Feb 01, 2022
Temperature Check with Dan Churchill
4:54

Dan Churchill, M.S., CEO and Co-Founder at impact-driven Australian restaurant Charley St, International Celebrity Chef, Best-Selling Cookbook Author, Podcaster, and TV Host of Surfing the Menu (Discovery Network) and Feast with Friends (Scripps Network), and has just launched a new plant-based food product — Charley St Chorizo and Bolognese. 

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Jan 28, 2022
Questioning Promotions with Liza Wyles
7:32

Liza Wyles is a writer/producer/mother.

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Directional Thinking with Megan Hellerer

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Jan 26, 2022
Exorcising Anger with Jennifer Brandel
6:55

Jennifer Brandel is a serial entrepreneur and systems change worker. She's the founder of Curious City, Hearken, Civic Exchange Chicago, Zebras Unite and Election SOS.

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What do you do to safely release your anger? Lemme know @ 844-935-BEST or ZAK@bestadvice.show

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Finding Catharsis with Megan Stielstra

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Jan 24, 2022
The Good Knife with Conor Barnes
3:28

Conor Barnes write the blog, ideopunk. Check out his expansive list of 100 tips for a better life.

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Emphasizing Your Quirks with Conor Barnes

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Jan 21, 2022
On Demand Breathing with Sadie Lune
3:58

Sadie Lune is a queer artist, parent and sex worker living in Berlin.

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Email a voice memo of your advice to Zak@bestadvice.show.

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Meditating Daily with Jen Rusciano

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Jan 19, 2022
The Aftermath of the Love Method with Martin Luther King Jr. and Julia Putnam
6:32

Martin Luther King Jr. wrote a column for Ebony magazine from 1957-1958 called "Advice for Living." You can read all of them at The Martin Luther King, Jr Research and Education Institute.

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Julia Putnam is one of the co-founders of the James and Grace Lee Boggs School in Detroit.

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TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: I didn't learn this until the other day, but Martin Luther King Jr. Was an advice columnist for Ebony magazine. Starting in 1957 he wrote monthly answering reader's questions. He was still in his late twenties at the time. I hope that today you're thinking about King or reading about him, maybe listening to his speeches. But right now I want to share some advice from him because this is an advice show. I'm going to read you a question from an Ebony reader and then reading King's answer is my friend..

JULIA: My name is Julia Putnam. I'm a lifelong Detroiter and I am one of the co-founders of the James and Grace Lee Boggs School. 

ZAK: Did you know that Martin Luther King was an advice columnist? 

JULIA: I did not know that. 

ZAK: So he was asked to start it in 1957 and so I was just thinking about the historical context and reading about it. 1956, he spends, uh, on the Montgomery Bus Boycott. And then in early '57, he co-founded the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. And then he's like, yeah, I'll write a column for you Ebony. Like he's taking on a lot. 

JULIA: Well that makes sense. Right. There was a lot to do.

ZAK: Yeah. And he's in his late twenties at the time. 

JULIA: That's really interesting. 

ZAK: So he wrote it only for, I think like he did 15 issues, 15 monthly issues because he was stabbed and almost killed in '58. And his doctor's like, uh, Martin, maybe you should like, you know, relinquish some of your commitments.

JULIA: Yeah, do less. 

ZAK: So this is from Martin Luther King Jr's advice column that he wrote in Ebony magazine. And this question and answer that we're going to go over is from that first issue.

Is love really the solution to the race problem? Are there not times when a man must stand up and fight fire with fire? I will grant that love, as Jesus lived it, is the ultimate ideal. But it seems to me preachers ought to be honest and tell folks if they live by the turn-the-other-cheek doctrine, the sharp boys out here in this cold world will strip them and boil them in oil. Why don’t you preachers admit that love, in the highest sense of the word, is impractical in the world of today?

JULIA: King writes...I am convinced that love is the most durable power in the world. It is not an expression of impractical idealism; but of practical realism. Far from being the pious injunction of a Utopian dreamer, love is an absolute necessity for the survival of our civilization. To return hate for hate does nothing but intensify the existence of evil in the universe. Someone must have sense enough and religion enough to cut off the chain of hate and evil, and this can only be done through love. Moreover, love is creative and redemptive. Love builds up and unites; hate tears down and destroys. The aftermath of the “fight fire with fire” method which you suggest is bitterness and chaos; the aftermath of the love method is reconciliation and the creation of the beloved community. Physical force can repress, restrain, coerce, destroy, but it cannot create and organize anything permanent; only love can do that. Yes love—which means understanding, creative, redemptive goodwill, even for one’s enemies—is the solution to the race problem. Often love is crucified and buried in a grave, but in the long run it rises up and redeems even that which crucifies it.

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Jan 17, 2022
Sauce Wisdom with Evangeline Garreau and Na'Kyah
4:02

Evangeline Garreau writes the Good Questions newsletter. She was last on the show talking about complimenting people.

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Not Leaving Home without Hot Sauce w/Na'Kyah

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Jan 14, 2022
Getting On with your Life with Nell Wulfhart
7:23

Nell Wulfhart is a decision-coach @ DECIDE AND MOVE FORWARD

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Procrastinating Properly with Mason Curry

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Jan 12, 2022
Recalibrating with Lulu Miller
6:38

Lulu Miller is the author of the book, Why Fish Don't Exist, a co-creator of Invisibilia and co-host of Radiolab.

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To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Jan 10, 2022
Making Life Juicier with Noa
4:01

Noa eats fruit from her home in Detroit, MI.

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Morning Zesting with Drew Philp

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Jan 07, 2022
From A to C with Mark Pagán
6:46

Mark Pagán hosts Other Men Need Help. He's an award-winning filmmaker, audio producer, writer, educator, and graying b-boy.

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More improv/life lessons can be heard in the TBAS episode - Following the Follower with Andy Eninger

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Call Zak on the advice hotline @ 844-935-BEST

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Jan 05, 2022
How Are You Feeling About Everything? with Erica Cerulo and Claire Mazur
4:51

Erica Cerulo and Claire Mazur founded Of a Kind, host the A Thing or Two podcast and wrote Work Wife: Work Wife: The Power of Female Friendship to Drive Successful Businesses.

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Finding Your Michigan Star with Erica Cerulo and Claire Mazur

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What advice do you have for me!? Call me @ 844-935-BEST

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Jan 03, 2022
22 practices for a delicious, joyful, hopeful, quiet, humble, supportive, uncomfortable and garlicky 2022
26:29

Today's episode features advice from...

Mark Bittman, Kelly Travis, Sylva Florence,Phoebe McIndoe, Beth Pickens, Meiko Krishok, Ronald Young Jr., Dave Leins,Brenden Murphy, Emily Naylor, Lindsey Maddin, Josh Ruben,Grethen Rubin, Marlee Grace,Merrill Garbus (Tune-Yards), Nichole Christian, Alex Elle, Sua Im, Mia Birdsong, Janice Fialka-Feldman, Jacqueline Raposo, Drew Philp

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Call Zak on the hotline with your advice! 844-935-BEST

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HAPPY/HEALTHY/RESTFUL NEW YEAR TO YOU!

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Dec 30, 2021
INTRODUCING: The World According to Sound
18:45

The World According to Sound is created by Sam Harnett and Chris Hoff. 

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Every Thursday evening starting in January 2022, Chris and Sam are going to live stream spatialized audio straight to the headphones of people listening together, all around the world.

Attendees will be mailed an eye mask and listening instructions for how to tune in to a program made by radio producers, musicians, and sound artists. After each show, we’ll have a live discussion with the people who made the audio.

All shows start at 6PM Pacific /9PM Eastern and run approximately 70 minutes. Get tickets for individual shows below, or get a highly discounted season pass for all twelve events.

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TBAS listeners can use the code "BESTADVICE" for 25% off tickets and season passes at https://www.theworldaccordingtosound.org/tickets

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Dec 19, 2021
A Pot of Something with Julia Turshen
5:21

Julia Turshen is a New York Times bestselling cookbook author. Her latest cookbook, Simply Julia, a National Bestseller, is available wherever books are sold. She also hosts and produces the IACP-nominated podcast called ‘Keep Calm and Cook On.’ Julia lives in the Hudson Valley with her wife and their pets. She teaches cooking classes most Sunday afternoons.

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Dec 17, 2021
Excising Passion from Work with Jeannie Yandel
8:59

Jeannie Yandel co-hosts Battle Tactics For Your Sexist Workplace

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Let me know what you think of this advice! I live @bestadviceshow on IG.

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related advice: ABIDING WITH JAY ALLISON

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Dec 15, 2021
Getting Vaccinated with Dr. Mo Connolly
3:05

Mo is a pediatrician and Medical Director of Henry Ford Health System's School-Based and Community Health Program. 

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What's your favorite advice of the year? Let me know at Zak@BestAdvice.SHOW

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Dec 13, 2021
Ordering Pizza with David Gluckman
7:02

David Gluckman eats pizza and other foods outside Denver, Colorado. He stars in this old radio story I made about puberty and dancing.

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Call Zak with your Food Friday advice @ 844 - 935 - BEST

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Dec 10, 2021
Looking Outward with Erika Fur and Andy Nickelhoff
5:26

Erika Fur works in education supporting nurturing and de-pathologizing children with learning differences.

Andy Nickelhoff is a labor lawyer in Detroit.

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To join The Best Advice Show Power Club, email zak at ZAK @ BESTADVICE.SHOW

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For more advice on making small (or large) talk, check out Talking to Strangers with Joe Keohane

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Dec 08, 2021
Avoiding Burnout with Dr. Sharon Grossman
6:41

Dr. Sharon Grossman is the founder of the Exhausted to Extraordinary™ Method, a 3-step method to unblock your mind, reshape your thinking, and return the joy to your work in 90 days. As a psychologist, coach, and author of the international bestseller, The 7E Solution to Burnout.

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Are you exhausted at work? Wish you could avoid burnout or at least prevent it from repeating?

Register for Dr. Sharon Grossman's FREE burnout webinar, The 3 Biggest Burnout Mistakes You Can Easily Avoid, on 12/8/21 @ 1 PM EST

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listen to how to do the pot!

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Dec 06, 2021
Pre-Heating the Oven with April Baer
4:18

April Baer is the host of Stateside on Michigan Radio.

Call Zak with your advice at 844-935-BEST!

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Dec 03, 2021
Giving and Receiving Gifts with Erin Bicknese
4:23

Erin Bicknese is a professional home organizer. She was last on the show talking about International Tell Your Crush Day. Hear that episode here.

Call me on the advice hotline at 844-935-BEST.

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Dec 01, 2021
Speaking of Race with Celeste Headlee
12:51

CELESTE HEADLEE is an award-winning journalist, professional speaker and the author of Speaking of Race, We Need To Talk and Do Nothing.

-Celeste's TED Talk, 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation-Call Zak with your advice at 844-935-BEST

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Nov 29, 2021
Avoiding Empty Celebration Syndrome with Jenny Rosenstrach
5:55

Jenny Rosenstrach is a food writer and New York Times bestselling cookbook author of Dinner: A Love Story, The Weekday Vegetarians and How To Celebrate Everything among others. She also authors the Dinner: A Love Story blog and newsletter.

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You can listen to a longer interview I did with Jenny on the Mom and Dad Are Fighting Podcast this week.

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Record your family history with help from StoryCorps!

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Nov 24, 2021
Night Walking with Bianca Giaever
5:52

Bianca Giaever is the creator and host of the podcast Constellation Prize, distributed by The Believer Magazine. She currently works as a producer on The New York Times audio team. Her film, radio, and print stories have appeared on This American LifeRadiolabThe New YorkerThe New York TimesThe Believer Magazine, and the TED conference. 

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Nov 22, 2021
Slowing Down to Speed Up with Dan Charnas
6:53

Dan Charnas is the author of Work Clean: The life-changing power of mise-en-place to organize your life, work, and mind.

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To join The Best Advice Show Power Hour Club email me at ZAK@BESTADVICE.SHOW and I'll send you an invite!

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Nov 19, 2021
Turning on a Dime with ZUDI (Zoe and Udi)
4:23

Zoë Komarin cooks @ ZOEFOODPARTY. Udi Assaf leads @UDITECHPARTY

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Call Zak with your advice at 844-935-BEST

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EDITING YOUR FRIDGE WITH ZOE

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SPOON FEEDING WITH ZOE

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REPURPOSING FOOD WITH ZOE

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Nov 15, 2021
Finding Your Michigan Star with Erica Cerulo and Claire Mazur
8:14

Erica Cerulo and Claire Mazur founded Of a Kind, host the A Thing or Two podcast and wrote Work Wife: Work Wife: The Power of Female Friendship to Drive Successful Businesses.

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Zak first heard about Michigan Stars in Ann Friedman's essential newsletter.

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Call Zak with your advice at 844-935-BEST

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Nov 12, 2021
Turning Into Worms with Arman Assadi
4:45

Arman Assadi is the founder and CEO of Steno, a stealth A.I. startup, host of the FLOW with Arman Assadi podcast, and co-founder and CEO of Project EVO.

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The Life and Works of Alan Watts

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Call Zak with your advice at 844-935-BEST

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Nov 10, 2021
Pre-Heating the Oven with April Baer
3:51

April Baer is the host of Stateside on Michigan Radio

To offer your own Food Friday advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST


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Nov 05, 2021
Rewiring Your Brain with Michaela Ayers
4:16

Nourish was founded by Michaela Ayers in reaction to the 2016 presidential election. Realizing that we live in a polarized society where it’s increasingly difficult to engage in conversation across our differences, especially conversations about race and racism, Michaela set out to create a middle ground. “I am of the opinion that even though a conversation may be uncomfortable, it doesn’t mean the experience can’t be beautiful,” says Michaela.

The Conversation: How Seeking and Speaking the Truth about Racism Can Radically Transform Individuals and Organizations

LISTEN TO HUNDREDS OF OTHER PIECES OF THE BEST ADVICE SHOW WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BESTTBAS on Instagram

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Nov 01, 2021
Trick-or-Treating with Jen Rusciano
4:12

Jen Rusciano is the Executive Director of the Detroit Food Academy. You can support that amazing organization by following this link.

Jen was last on the show giving meditation advice.

LISTEN TO HUNDREDS OF OTHER PIECES OF THE BEST ADVICE SHOW WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS.To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BESTFollow us on:

TBAS on Instagram


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Oct 29, 2021
Finding Structure with Zeke Nicholson
4:54

Zeke Nicholson is an actor writer living in Los Angeles.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

Follow us on:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bestadviceshow/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bestadviceshow

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Oct 27, 2021
Facing Your Fears with Michael Porter Jr.
5:40

Michael Porter Jr. is an NBA player for the Denver Nuggets. He hosts the Curious Mike podcast.

Share your favorite shower strategies at 844-935-BEST!

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MORNING ZESTING WITH DREW PHILP

TAPPING INTO CHILDHOOD WITH LAUREN PASSELL

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Oct 25, 2021
Prepping Fruit with Shira Heisler
3:14

Shira Heisler is a doctor, wife, friend and advice-guru living with Zak in Detroit.

SHOWING UP COMPLETELY WITH SHIRA HEISLER

SAYING THE NICE THING WITH SHIRA HEISLER AND EVANGELINE GARREAU

SPLITTING WITH SHIRA

SALTING WITH SHIRACRITIQUING WITH SHIRA

EDITING YOUR FRIDGE WITH ZOË KOMARIN

REPURPOSING FOOD WITH ZOË KOMARIN

SPOON FEEDING WITH ZOË KOMARIN

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Oct 22, 2021
Picking People's Brains with Dr. Taharee Jackson
6:46

Dr. Taharee Jackson is the founder and Tone-Setter-in-Chief of Dr. Taharee Consulting, where she works with various sectors on diversity, equity, belonging, and inclusion issues.

Here's a link to her writing on Medium.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Oct 20, 2021
Aiming at Meh with Brian Selfon
5:07

Brian Selfon has worked in criminal justice for nearly twenty years. The Nightworkers is his debut novel.

How to hide Self View on Zoom

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

Instagram/Facebook/Twitter

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Oct 18, 2021
Adding Complexity with Ji Hye Kim
6:32

Ji Hye Kim is the chef and owner of MISS KIM in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Food & Wine just named her one of The Best New Chefs in the U.S.

GENTLE SALTING WITH JI HYE KIM

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Instagram/Facebook/Twitter

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Oct 15, 2021
Facing the Truth with Tamara Lindeman (from The Weather Station)
9:43

Tamara Lindeman is a musician from the band, The Weather Station. Their latest album is Ignorance.

INVESTIGATING YOUR SHAME WITH HEATHER RADKE

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Oct 13, 2021
Expressing Your Idea with Shirley Woodson
6:45

Shirley Woodson is an artist and educator. She's the 2021 Kresge Eminent Artist. Her solo show, Why Do I Delight is up at the Detroit Artists Market through 10/23. You can download or purchase the new Shirley Woodson monograph, here.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Shirley Woodson shares an art studio with her son. It's right off the highway on the west side of Detroit. But once you step inside, it's peaceful and warm. Her work cover the walls and they're stacked in piles on the floor. 

MS. WOODSON: That's a collage. A recent one I did about my family. 

ZAK: Ms. Woodson has been in Detroit since 1938 when her parents moved the family from Tennessee. She was just a baby. Today, she's one of Detroit's most celebrated and beloved artists. She makes big, colorful figurative paintings. And she's kind of obsessed with horses. 

MS. WOODSON : I do a lot of horses with women riders which I've been doing for a long time. But each one is a challenge. 

ZAK: Today she's gonna work on the front right leg of a burnt orange horse galloping alongside a short haired woman in white. Her work is part of permanent collections at the Detroit Institute of Arts and the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History. Kresge Arts recently named her their eminent artist of 2021. They wrote...quote "decades of success as an artist, paired with her exceptional and tireless commitment to ensure educational and career opportunities for all artists, have ensured the story of art in Detroit is far more inclusive and honest than it would have been without her efforts. It has also ensured her place as a revered and renowned pillar of Detroit’s creative community." Ms. Woodson's has offered creative advice to students for decades. And perhaps the most foundational art lesson she teaches is this.

MS. WOODSON : Well there are no wrong answers in your seeking to express an idea. And there's more than one way to get your idea across. 3 + 3 is 6. 4 + 2 is 6. And 12-6 is 6. 

ZAK: And since there are no wrong answers. When we're starting out as kids or adult beginners, Ms. Woodson teaches we don't need erasers on our pencils. And we don't throw our work away!

MS. WOODSON : Occasionally I would hear a crumple, crumple, crumple of paper. 'Can I have another sheet of paper? I said, 'We're gonna use all of that and remember. We have to keep all your drawing because we want to see the improvement. We can't see the improvement if it's in the waste basket.

ZAK: Before we go. I'm gonna leave you with a lesson you can try at home today.

MS. WOODSON : You need 5 sheets of...I was gonna say typing. But nobody types anymore. 5 sheets of paper. And draw a circle, free hand. Hold your pencil so that your hand is not touching the paper. And then place the pencil point on the paper and using your shoulder and the whole motion draw the circle and it can be big to take up the whole paper and go arond as many times as it takes you to see the circle come out. Remember it's your hand that's making the motion. And then you do 4 more. Then you can put something inside of those circles. Do not erase. Sign it and date it and put it in a folder. This may be your beginning. 

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Oct 11, 2021
Pancaking with Ronia Cabansag
3:38

Ronia Cabansag is a podcast producer, student and Best Advice Show intern extraordinaire.

Ronia's favorite pancake recipe!

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

Follow us on:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bestadviceshow/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bestadviceshow

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#advice #adviceoftheday #lifeadvice

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Oct 08, 2021
Journaling with Ronia Cabansag
4:59

Ronia Cabansag is a podcast producer, student and Best Advice Show intern extraordinaire.

#143 : REFRESHING YOURSELF WITH SARA BROOKE CURTIS

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BESTFollow us on:

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Oct 06, 2021
Skipping Disdain with Hanif Abdurraqib
4:06

Hanif Abdurraqib is a poet, essayist, and cultural critic from Columbus, Ohio. He was just awarded a MacArthur "Genius" Grant.

To contribute your own advice call Zak at at 844-935-BEST


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Oct 04, 2021
Embracing Dishwashing with Sho Spaeth
5:56

Sho Spaeth is an editor and writer at Serious Eats.

I'M HUNGRY FOR YOUR FOOD FRIDAY ADVICE! CALL ME AT 844-935-BEST

Pan scrapers for sale

Listen to BUILD FOR TOMORROW today!

This episode was edited by Ronia Cabansag

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Oct 01, 2021
Going Without with Jacqueline Raposo
10:50

Jacqueline Raposo is an interviewer, podcast producer, food writer and the author of The Me, Without: A Year Exploring Habit, Healing, and Happiness.

If you're gonna try going without, feel free to share your journey with Jacqueline and I at @wordsfoodart and @bestadviceshow!

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Sep 29, 2021
Night Prepping with Teaka
3:01

Teaka called me on the advice hotline at 844-934-BEST and so should you!!!!!!!!

DOING THE HARD THING FIRST WITH TIFFANY PAULSEN


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Sep 27, 2021
Using Less with Anne-Marie Bonneau
4:37

Anne-Marie Bonneau writes the blog, The Zero-Waste Chef, and has a cookbook out also called The Zero-Waste Chef

This episode was edited by Ronia Cabansag

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Sep 24, 2021
Slowing Down with Katie Crutchfield of Waxahatchee
8:52

Katie Crutchfield is one of the great singer-songwriters of our time. Her most recent album as Waxahatchee is Saint Cloud.

Putting Down the Think with Marlee Grace

Request your dream Advice Show guest by emailing me at Zak@bestadvice.show

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Sep 22, 2021
Saying it Out Loud with Bethel Habte
3:45

Bethel Habte is a producer and reporter @Resistance.

LISTEN TO HUNDREDS OF OTHER PIECES OF THE BEST ADVICE SHOW WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TO JOIN TBAS POWER HOUR CLUB EMAIL ME AT ZAK@BESTADVICE.SHOW

TBAS # 38: Self-Talking with Steven Handel

TBAS # 66: Expecting the Opposite with Sarah May B.

TBAS # 88: Talking to Your Best Friend with Lauren

TBAS # 285: Evolving Self-Talk with Kelly Travis

TBAS #303: Talking to my Younger Self with Chelsea Ursin

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Sep 20, 2021
Shaking or Stirring with Tammy Coxen
4:08

As the founder and Chief Tasting Officer of Tammy’s Tastings, Tammy Coxen has been sharing her enthusiasm for food and drink for over 15 years. She is the co-author of the cocktail book Cheers to Michigan, co-host of a regular cocktail segment on Michigan Radio (her local NPR affiliate), and writes a monthly column for Hour Detroit magazine.

Take a class with Tammy!

edited by Ronia Cabansag

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Sep 17, 2021
Climbing Out of the Rabbit Hole with Liana Pavane
5:04

LIANA PAVANE IS A DIGITAL WELLNESS COACH AND FOUNDER OF TTYL—A TECH-FREE COMMUNITY DEDICATED TO HUMAN CONNECTION.

So much of this show originates with your hard-earned advice. To contribute please call me (Zak) at 844-935-BEST. Leave your name and your advice, followed by your email address in case I have any follow-up questions.

Regarding your advice. I’m not particularly interested in platitudes and truisms. I’m after specific, odd, uplifting, effective, real tips from you about how you make it through your days.


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Sep 15, 2021
Tooting Your Own Horn with Erin Bevel
4:31

Erin Bevel is a Co-Founder of the Detroit Black Farmer Land Fund and Board Member at Detroit Black Community Food Security Network

So much of this show originates with your hard-earned advice. To contribute please call me (Zak) at 844-935-BEST. Leave your name and your advice, followed by your email address in case I have any follow-up questions.

Regarding your advice. I’m not particularly interested in platitudes and truisms. I’m after specific, odd, uplifting, effective, real tips from you about how you make it through your days.

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Sep 13, 2021
Adapative Quickling with Alison Heeres
5:05

Alison Heeres is the chef and co-owner of Coriander Kitchen & Farm in Detroit.

To offer your own Food Friday advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

Repurposing Food w/Zoe

Spoon Feeding w/Zoe

Editing Your Fridge w/Zoe

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Sep 10, 2021
Giving Advice Well with Lynn Harris
4:20

Lynn Harris is co-host of the Forward’s “A Bintel Brief” podcast. A writer, activist and teacher, she founded GOLD Comedy , a school and community for girls and non-binary folks, and previously wrote advice columns for Breakup Girl, Glamour and several other print magazines of blessed memory.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

This episode was edited by Ronia Cabansag

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Sep 08, 2021
Re-imagining Labor Day with Rich Feldman
3:04

Rich Feldman is a former auto worker and union official. He's a board member of the James and Grace Lee Boggs Center to Nurture Community Leadership.

End of the Line: Autoworkers and the American Dream

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

RICH: This is Rich Feldman. I spent 20 years on the assembly line at Ford Motor Company out in Wayne. About 10 years as an elected, local official and about ten years with the international staff of the United Auto Workers.

ZAK: Especially on the Labor Day, Rich says it's very easy to be nostalgic about the past. But this year is not like every other year.

RICH: Well this Labor Day, which is taking place with almost 200-thousand people killed by COVID and the Movement For Black Lives since George Floyd was killed...it's critical that we not think of just going through the motions or just cheering on unions. So while I always say that without a union, you have nothing. With the union I believe you have a chance to have some security and have your voice heard and be responsible for what your work place should be.

So my advice is, ask yourself what is the purpose of work and how do we become responsible workers and human beings? And returning to normal is not the way to do it...it's to create a new vision and a new purpose which is gonna take a lot, a lot of work and a lot of reflection.

ZAK: Well, how do you answer that question? What is the purpose of work?

RICH: So to me the purpose of work is for individuals to do what allows each of us to express our passions, to be responsible to our neighbors, to be responsible to our community and the planet. It's time for us to say, what are we producing as well as our rights and our contractual rights.

ZAK: Rich edited an oral history called End of the Line: Autoworkers and the American Dream. I put a link to it in our show notes. Thank you for listening to a special Labor Day episode of the Best Advice Show. I hope today is full or joy and fun and rest and contemplation.

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Sep 06, 2021
Quarter Cake Clubbing with Savitha Viswanathan
3:53

Savitha Viswanathan is a designer, illustrator and founder of Mothertongue Foods.

Flavor-basing with Savitha Viswanathan

Gifting Meaningfully with Beth Nichols

Spontaneously Gifting with Valeriya

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Sep 03, 2021
Choosing Your Doctor with Dr. Jerrold Weinberg
3:14

Dr. Jerrold Weinberg is an OB/GYN from Metro-Detroit.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Sep 01, 2021
Forgetting Your Purpose with Megan Hellerer
5:18

Megan Hellerer is the founder of Coaching for Underfulfilled Overachievers.

Inside the career coaching program AOC used to help her go from bartender to Congress

DIRECTIONAL THINKING WITH MEGAN HELLERER

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

Today's episode was edited by Ronia Cabansag

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Aug 30, 2021
Gentle Salting with Ji Hye Kim
7:38

Ji Hye Kim is the chef and owner of MISS KIM in Ann Arbor, Michigan

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

Salting with Shira

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Aug 27, 2021
Directional Thinking with Megan Hellerer
7:06

Megan Hellerer is the founder of Coaching for Underfulfilled Overachievers.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

Today's episode was edited by Ronia Cabansag

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Aug 25, 2021
Looking Backwards with Josh Gwynn
7:35

Josh Gwynn is the producer and co-host of Back Issue

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Aug 23, 2021
Yung Pueblo (Diego Perez): Part 3
4:33

Diego Perez is the writer behind the pen name Yung Pueblo. His new book is Clarity and Connection.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Aug 20, 2021
Yung Pueblo (Diego Perez): Part 2
5:14

Diego Perez is the writer behind the pen name Yung Pueblo. His new book is Clarity and Connection.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Aug 18, 2021
Yung Pueblo (Diego Perez): Part 1
8:00

Diego Perez is the writer behind the pen name Yung Pueblo. His new book is Clarity and Connection.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Aug 16, 2021
Frying Rice with Hugh Amano
4:03

Hugh Amano is a chef and co-author of, most recently, Let's Make Dumplings.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Aug 13, 2021
Focusing on the Gifts with Ian Coss
4:03

Ian Coss is the creator and host of the new podcast, Forever is a Long Time.

If you have some advice for me, give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. And if you can think of someone in your life who might benefit from this episode, consider sending them this episode. Thanks so much.

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Aug 11, 2021
Counter-Offering with Brenden Murphy
3:41

Brenden Murphy is an engineer living in Michigan. He gave invaluable plumbing advice last time he was on the show.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

Understanding Time Horizons with Justin Waring.

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Aug 09, 2021
Avoiding Unwanted Surprises with Jamie Feldmar
4:31

Jamie Feldmar is a food writer, editor, and cookbook author, mostly working on things related to food.

Stupid Taxing with Jordan

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Aug 06, 2021
Taking it Down a Notch with April Baer
6:03

April Baer is the host of Stateside on Michigan Radio

The Fog of War

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Aug 04, 2021
Checking in with Janine Rubenstein
6:42

Janine Rubenstein is Editor-at-Large of People Magazine and host of the People Every Day podcast

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST



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Aug 02, 2021
Gifting Meaningfully with Beth Nichols
4:16

Beth Nichols is an amateur baker, professional editor and excellent gift giver.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

Paul Hollywood's Fortune Cookies

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Jul 30, 2021
Following the Follower with Andy Eninger
4:31

Andy Eninger is an improviser, writer, facilitator and dog dad.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Is there a principal that you could share? Something for those of us who haven't taken an improv class but something we might try in our everyday life, taken from improv?

ANDY: The improv philosophy that is serving me the most right now is this sense of following the follower. This sense of looking up and looking out and seeing what somebody else is doing whether that's the audience. Whether that's the person that you're performing with or the musician that you're improvising with and following where they're going and the magic of then they start to follow you and you follow them and they're following you and who's actually leading? It's almost like, have you ever seen a murmuration of birds when they're flying around. You're like which one's leading? They're all leading. They're all following each other. There's this magical sense when everyone's attuned to other people, you can go in this direction together. Even if that direction changes and changes again.

ZAK: I'm thinking about concretizing this. I'm in a Zoom now, right, with a dozen of my colleagues. How do I look to follow the follower in a context like that?

ANDY: I think it's really powerful for the person that might be leading the meeting to notice, 'Oh, I think people are shutting down. Lemme follow what's going on there by maybe asking or maybe it's time for me to be quiet and see if someone steps up.' I think that's one of the hardest things for someone who's a real driving personality who's leading a meeting is to shut up and leave a space and let someone step in and speak and I think it's not intuitive for leaders to surrender.

ZAK: Is there a check-in that people who are natural leaders, like something that they can do just to catch themselves leading and not following the follower?

ANDY: I think for a leader to take on this sense of following the follower, probably the best thing that they can do is ask themself, 'what does this person need?' Often, we're trying to apply our perspective and view of the world to everyone else. It's like, 'here's what you need to do' rather than finding out and listening to understand what another person actually needs. Asking those open-ended questions and I think that it goes counter to how many leaders think about themselves. 'Oh, I have to be smart. I need to have the right advice. I have to know what to do.' And there's so many situations where we simply can't know what's right for this person to do in the moment. We may have the vision in mind where we want the scene or the job, the project to head. But what this person needs in the moment can probably only come from that person. It's not going to come from us. I think that's what a leader is surrendering

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Jul 28, 2021
Becoming Art with Caveh Zahedi
9:14

Caveh Zahedi is a filmmaker and creator of The Show About the Show and 365 Stories I Want To Tell You Before We Both Die

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Jul 26, 2021
Changing Slowly with Andrew Zerbo
5:40

Andrew Zerbo is the chef and creator behind Fermental State

More fermenting advice from the archives!

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Jul 23, 2021
Weekly Dating with Kat Harris
2:23

Kat Harris (@therefinedwoman) is an author, coach and host of The Refined Collective Podcast.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

Kat's last episode from the show is ESSENTIAL! - listen.

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Jul 21, 2021
Talking to My Younger Self with Chelsea Ursin
7:19

Chelsea Ursin is the creator and host of the podcast, Dear Young Rocker

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

SELF-TALK ADVICE FROM THE ARCHIVES

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Jul 19, 2021
Adding One Thing with Maddie Pasquariello
4:26

Maddie Pasquariello is a nutritionist. She runs @eastcoasthealth

If you have some advice for me, call the hotline at 844-935-BEST.

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Jul 16, 2021
Talking to Strangers with Joe Keohane
6:39

Joe Keohane, a veteran journalist who has held high-level editing positions at Medium, Esquire, Entrepreneur, and Hemispheres is the author of The Power of Strangers: The Benefits of Connecting In a Suspicious World.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

JOE: My name's Joe Keohane. I'm the author of the new book, The Power of Strangers: The Benefits of Connecting In a Suspicious World.

ZAK: We've all gotten rusty talking to strangers because of COVID but also because of our phones and because of where we are as a culture. The thing that I like to do with this show is give people something they can try today. So, give me a strategy for getting back in to where it's not gonna overwhelm and feel like we have to go be friends with the world.

JOE: First know that everybody is anxious. Everybody was anxious about talking to strangers before this for a lot of reasons I get into in the book and everyone's especially anxious now because we've been in the hole for a year. So, start easy. Start with a waiter or waitress. Talk to somebody that's at a coffee shop in a structured, public place where your roles are clear, right. You're not just sneaking up on someone on the street which I would not advise people to do. And there's a really cool technique that I learned from a woman named Georgie Nightingall who's this communications expert in London. I took a class with her where she taught people how to talk to strangers and she was very keen and very good at it. The idea that she had was, it involved scripts. So, when we have an interaction with someone at a corner store, right, you go in and say, how you doing? And the person says good, how are you and you say, good, thanks. And that's it. You've put no effort into it. There's no curiosity being exercised. It's just a way to recognize that you're standing there, right? Cause it would be weird not to say anything but you don't want to put any effort into it. So, that's a script and we use those all the time to converse cognitive load and things like that. When you find yourself in a situation like that and someone asks you a scripted question, give them a specific answer. So, what Georgie advised and what she always does and this is brilliant and I do it all the time. When someone says, how you doing? Georgie says, ehhhh, 7 our 10. So now you're off script. You're in uncharted territory. The person's gonna be alert now being like, ok, something different is happening here. I have to dial in. I have to pay attention. And then Georgie will say, how are you doing today? And now she's modeled something and they follow her lead because it's rude if they don't. This is how we communicate. They'll say, oh, pretty good. I'm about 8 out of 10. And then she'd say, what'll take to get you to a 9 today? And then they'll be like, my mother's not been feeling well. Maybe I'll go see her later. Maybe she'll be feeling better.

JOE: When you get to that point, you get a glimmer of the other person. You get a glimmer of the depth and complexity of another person you would never register as a human being. People in service positions are often dehumanized. But, just a little trick like that is super useful and super easy and it's really funny and people I find are often kind of delighted by it. It's playful. It's audacious. You do that stuff enough, it leads to a little interaction and you'll feel good after you do it.

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Jul 14, 2021
Making Mistakes with Haley Nahman
4:09

Haley Nahman runs a weekly newsletter and podcast called Maybe Baby, which was recently written up in The New Yorker

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Welcome back to the Best Advice Show and today, we're gonna get meta. We're gonna talk about advice about advice. Back in episode #48, Julia Putnam touched on this..

JULIA: You should never give unsolicited advice...

ZAK: Today's advice-giver is Haley Nahman. She is a writer and proprietor of the excellent newsletter, Maybe Baby and her advice dovetails nicely with what Julia said.

HALEY: I think it's also ok to not follow advice and just make mistakes. I think are own experiences teach us lessons better than anyone else. I really don't think you can learn lessons before you experience them yourself. All the wisdom is out there. If you could just hear wisdom and live it, we would all be perfect but that's just not really how it works. So, yeah, I think my final comment is the worst case scenario is you fuck up and now you are smarter and now you know yourself better. The stakes aren't as high as ever think they are and your life will teach you so much more if you're paying attention than other people ever can.

ZAK: Yeah. That's great. I love that. Cause especially me as the maker of an advice show and people that listen to this advice show, I think we can get obsessed in trying to subscribe to or search for the best path, but, can't know until we know.

HALEY: Yeah, I spent so much of my 20s trying to follow everyone else's advice. It lands you into a really weird place. You don't know who you are. A lot of pent up emotion that you just want to release that feels like...you feel misunderstood. And it doesn't really help you grow to just follow the perfect path. So, there's always an upside to fucking up. I saw a Kurt Vonnegut quote that said, "the truth is we know so little about life, we don't know what the good news is and what the bad news is" and I think that's true of our mistakes too. We don't know what's gonna help up and what's gonna hurt us until we find out.

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Jul 12, 2021
Knife Skills Are Bulls*it with Mark Bittman
4:42

Mark Bittman is an American food journalist, author, and former columnist for The New York Times.

Knife Skills Are Bulls*it from THE BITTMAN PROJECT

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: It's The Best Advice Show where every episode I give you one discrete morsel of advice. Today, I'm pleased to welcome back, Mark Bittman, the famous food writer and cookbook author. You know Mark is? He's like your uncle who reminds you, it's fine. Just relax. For example, sometimes you hear a chef talk about how important knife skills are. Mark Bittman disagrees.

MARK: And, I saw some famous chef say, if your knife skills are bed, you'd better up your game. And I'm like, how can this possible matter. I know we're not videotaping this but my grandmother, I mean peasants all over the world, cut food by holding it in their hand cutting it with a pretty dull knife. Or maybe with a sharp knife. But that's a different kind of knife skills. But, chefs grew up or in the days of apprenticeships, would be giving a box of onions and say, here, cut these onions and you'd have to learn how to cut 50 big onions in 20-minutes and that's an amazing skill. Incredible. A home cook doesn't need to know how to do that. You cut an onion up any way you want to cut an onion up. It'll still taste fine and the fact that someone can do it in ten-second and it takes you a minute, cause even a novice can't take more than a minute to cut up an onion. So what? So it cost you 45-seconds. I mean, the dish takes you a half-hour to make. 45-seconds is not a big deal.

ZAK: It made me think that maybe there's a metaphor in there, too. Like, life is so much more accessible when we don't think we have to be perfect or something.

MARK: Or expert. I mean, mostly we don't. No one thinks they have to drive like...I don't know the names of any race car driver. No one, thinks they need to drive like somebody who drives in the Indy 500 if such a thing still exists. No one thinks they need to play tennis like Naomi Osaka just to give credit where credit's due. You just do those things. Maybe you feel bad or you wish you were better but somehow...and I think it's because chefs took over food television and so everybody thinks well if I'm gonna cook, I need to be able to cook like a chef. And, it's not in your interest to think that you need to be a chef in order to be a cook. You just need to think like your grandmother or great-grandmother. These people just cook and they don't fuss around with like, is this parsley minced uniformly enough or is this onion...did it take me 10-seconds to perfectly slice this onion or is this browned evenly enough? Your stove's not good enough for that. You don't have a good enough stove to do a real stir-fry. There's all these limitations in being a home-cook. Live with it. You're not a chef. It's fine. It's not a big deal.

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Jul 09, 2021
People-Pleasing with Emily Naylor
4:21

Emily Naylor is a audio producer and presenter in London

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: I was gonna talk to Emily about a few Spanish comprehension strategies she's devised. But then I realized, she and I had something in common.

ZAK: Is that a phrase over there, people-pleasing?

EMILY: Yeah, it might as well be my middle name to be honest with you, Zak. (Laughter)

ZAK: Emily People-Pleasing Naylor. I am Zak People-Pleasing Rosen. It's nice to meet you. (Laughter)

EMILY: You too. Pleasure. Only if you like meeting me. If not then... (Laughter)

ZAK: What do you think is the alternative to people-pleasing? Just to please yourself? To be a self-pleaser?

EMILY: No, I don't think that quite it either. I think it's to be a person with people. You don't have a to be a people-pleaser. You don't have to be a person pisser-offer. You're just a person with people and it sounds so simple and obvious but perhaps we don't spend enough time thinking, you are a person. Think about how complex you are. Your emotions, hopes, ambitions, worries...what you're gonna be thinking about in 24 hours time isn't, that something said something weird and maybe they don't like me now. That's irrelevant. Think about how you and how complex you are as a person and then think you're in a room with 20 other people and they're just as complex and not in a negative way but you're not that big an influences on their life in that moment. They're going home. They've got to think about what to have for dinner. So, you're just a person with people.

ZAK: Ugh, you're making me cry. I love this. Be a person with a people! Stop trying to curate their interpersonal dynamics. Just be with them.

EMILY: And be present because ultimately when you're people-pleasing you're trying to manipulate a situation. You're taking a step back. You're not in the moment. You are analyzing little things. You're worrying and that can be quite self-centered and you aren't a person with people. You are yourself worrying about all these things which you can't control. So, don't waste your energy on that. Just be present and listen and try as best as you can in this kind of mindful, social way to let go of those little things. Doesn't mean they're not gonna worry you. If they do, just accept that. You can't shut it off, but, just try to listen to what that person's saying and if they like you or not, that's not really a) your concern and b) you can't control it, so...

ZAK: Yeah. Yeah. Them liking us isn't the point. It's just a possible by-product of being present with them.

EMILY: Exactly. And ultimately your job as a human being is to socialize with other human beings. We'd love that to be positive. Fine. But also if you are in a super important business meeting or you're in a courtroom and you're defending your client and then the prosecutor is whatever...you don't want the prosecutor to like you. You want your client to get the best deal. Forget about the people-pleasing.



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Jul 07, 2021
Learning Languages with Debra Allison
3:40

Debra Allison is a seasoned Spanish teacher in California.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

DEBRA: So, my best advice to acquire another language is repetition, repetition, repetition. I'll repeat that again, repetition, repetition, repetition. I'm gonna give you a little tidbit of information about the ways we acquire language and then I'm gonna tell you the two best ways to actually acquire language. The tidbit of information is this. Some people say that they are bad at learning languages. But, there's actually no such thing as somebody who's bad at learning languages. If you're listening to this podcast and understanding it, you're actually good at learning languages. The two ways that we acquire language is one, by reading and the other is by listening. What I mean by reading is when we read materials right at our level and for some people who are beginning to acquire their language, that might be those books with 1-3 words on a page. We learn vocabulary that way. We learn sentence structures that way. We learn grammar through reading. The second way we acquire grammar is by listening right at our level so it's understandable....almost 100 percent understandable but it's repetitive. It's that notion of ugh, I can't get something out of my head. It's stuck in my head. When my students say to me, "Ugh, Mrs. Allison I can't this voice...this phrase out of my head." I might apologize on the outskirts but inside so happy. This is not short-term memory we're talking about. We want to hear something five-thousand times so it just falls out of our mouth without even trying. Language learning or more technically speaking, acquiring a language should absolutely be effortless, like your first language was.

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Jul 05, 2021
Spontaneously Gifting Food with Valeriya
2:34

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

STOCKING UP WITH VALERIYA

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: It's Food Friday on The Best Advice Show and as always, I'm really hoping you'll call the hotline and give me your piece of advice. It's 844-935-BEST. Valeriya called the hotline and offered this...

VALERIYA: I feel like often people are really willing to share food with someone when that someone is going through a really big thing. Like grieving the loss of someone dear to them or weathering the exhaustion of a newborn baby or a big thing and that can result in the presence of an overwhelming amount of lasagna in one's kitchen and so what I'd like to advise instead or rather in a addition to is to share food more often as a way of extending comfort to people in your life even when they're struggling with something acute or maybe less intense like a difficult job hunt or a flooded basement or whatever. I feel like in those one-off instances it's maybe even ok to reach out a few hours before dinnertime rather than sign up through a meal-train that you create or something and offer a spontaneous food drop-off. Sometimes when people are least expecting it a warm, home cooked meal can go a long way. Pro tip I found that making sauces like really simple pesto with some garden fresh herbs with whatever nuts you can find in your pantry or if you want to make it fancy, not so hard, but so fancy aioli and putting those little sauces in little zip-locks or small jar can real seal the deal. So, yeah, cook more often for your friends when they're struggling with things that are not big things.

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Jul 02, 2021
Drifting with Gretchen Rubin
5:34

Gretchen Rubin (@gretchenrubin) is the co-host of the Happier podcast and wrote New York Times bestsellers Outer Order, Inner CalmThe Four TendenciesBetter Than Before, and The Happiness Project. -

QUIZ - ARE YOU DRIFTING

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Gretchen Rubin is back with another absolute gem on drift.

GRETCHEN: So, drift is the decision that we make by not deciding or by making the decision that is just the easiest and causes the least friction. You know, I go to law school because I'm good at research and writing. I become a doctor because both my parents are doctors. I get married because all my friends are getting married. I take this job because someone offers me this job. We're drifting because we're not making an intentional choice. We're not deciding what we're going after. We're just doing the thing that comes most easily. Now, what can be deceptive about the word drift is it sounds like the easy way or the lazy way but drift is often accompanies with a tremendous amount of work. I drifted into law school because I thought, well, my father's really happy as a lawyer, maybe I'll be happy. I'm good at research and writing I can always change my mind later. It's a great education. It'll keep my options open and I don't know what else to do with myself. So drift isn't always the easy way but it's the way that makes us make the non-choice choice. And sometimes drift works out find and people drift into situations and careers that they're happy with. But a lot of times drift doesn't work out that way because we haven't chosen to do something, we've just drifted into it. So, you know, there's a good change that maybe it's not gonna be a great fit.

ZAK: How do we know when we're drifting?

GRETCHEN: One is if you often have the feeling that you're living someone else's life. Or you feel like you're off-track. I was as a lawyer, clerking for Justice Sandra Day O'Connor and I was enjoying it tremendously. I felt so lucky to be there and yet I did feel like I wasn't where I was supposed to be. I felt like I was sort of on a lark. On a detour is the only way that I can describe it. It didn't feel like it was the center of my life. Or, if you have a fantasy that something's gonna blow up your life or in a way that would somehow make it impossible for you to continue or if you have a fantasy life where you're constantly day-dreaming. Or, maybe it's just the opposite. Maybe you're very distressed when somebody talks about something that maybe was once interesting to you but now it's like you can't even bare to think about it because it's so emotionally fraught for you, you can't bare it. Or if you get extremely defensive if somebody suggests that what you're doing isn't the right choice or not the only choice. If you're an associate at a law firm and somebody says something like, well, financial security isn't taht important to me. And you become furious at the idea that somebody would say that. It's like, why is that so energized for you? Often, drift is just feeling like I just did the obvious thing at every turn. I just did the thing that everybody expected for me or that I expected for myself and I took the obvious choice. Often, that is drift.

ZAK: Just so you know. If you are drifting. That's ok.

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Jun 30, 2021
Free Danny Fenster
6:42

CNN "Reliable Sources" Interview with Rose and Bud Fenster

They Call It ‘Insane’: Where Myanmar Sends Political Prisoners

‘The darkest days are coming’: Myanmar’s journalists suffer at hands of junta

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: 36 days ago, Danny Fenster was detained and thrown in jail in Myanmar without a charge, without access to lawyer and without a phone call to his family. He has subsequently been charged under penal code 505 a which essentially makes it a crime to practice independent journalism. Danny's family still have not been able to talk to him. It was just last week that he was finally granted a phone call to the American embassy in Yangon. Danny has a hearing this Thursday where he faces as much as three years in prison. Again, the crime being practicing independent journalism. Danny is a friend of mine. I've known him and his family for nearly all my life. But even if you don't know Danny. You should care about this story. I've put a bunch of links to learn more in the show notes. I hope you'll take a few minutes to learn more and then tell your friends and family. For now, though, I'm honored to get some advice from The Fensters. Danny's mom Rose. His dad, buddy and his brother Bryan.

ZAK: You three are going through a living nightmare. Have you noticed something that people say that is very helpful or something that people say that isn't helpful. Cause a lot of times we just don't know how to engage with people suffering a tragedy.

ROSE: I can speak. Especially from my hospice nursing experience and dealing with life and death and family and all that. I mean, it's definitely some people walk toward you with the right words. Some walk toward you with...they don't know what to say. It might agitate you but you've got to realize that they're coming from a space of love and trying to hold a space for you of love. But people also need to realize, I guess, that sometimes in these situations you don't have to say anything. Just be present and a hug, a look is helpful if you don't know the right words.

BRYAN: Yeah, I think just being there really. Showing up, a hug. Don't get me wrong the meal train has been delightful and people going out of their way to do stuff, obviously, just the simple things, really. Knocking on the door, smiling, giving hugs. That's been going a long way for me.

BUDDY: You know, it's funny, a lot of people they mention you something like, "I don't know what I would do! I would be losing my mind!" I just smile to myself cause it's like, you don't know what you would do and I don't know if you'd lose your mind. I'm not losing my mind. I'm angry at the unfairness of it. It's a parent, knee-jerk reaction to say something like that and I don't know if I'm gaining anything from it or not, but I think to myself, you really don't know until it happens to you. No one prepares for this kind of thing. Don't bring me food. Just sit down and talk for a minute. That's nice. I appreciate that. I'm not as social as her and Bryan. I'm the quiet guy here but it's very appreciated when someone...doesn't even have to be related to what's going on. Just to talk. Say hi, how you doing.

ROSE: And in multiple texts that we're getting and people every couple days people check in and say sending love and prayers and no reply needed. So, that's nice because it's hard to reply to everybody but you care about everybody that's caring for you.

BRYAN: And as exhausting as it is to keep talking about this, I find myself comforting my own self by comforting others cause people don't know what to say and I enjoy very much being like, it's ok, come here and let me get my arms around you. Let's talk about it. It's alright. It's a lot of work but it makes me feel better at the same time.

ZAK: To follow Danny's case...to sign a petition to pressure the Biden administration to secure Danny's release and to learn more about sweet, brilliant, Danny Fenster...visit BringDannyHome.com  

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Jun 28, 2021
Reframing Protein with Mark Bittman
5:54

Mark Bittman is an American food journalist, author, and former columnist for The New York Times.

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Guess who's back. Back again. Bittman's back. Tell your friends. Bittman's back. Bittman's back. Mark Bittman is back to talk about protein.

MARK: We do have an obsession with protein and the fact is that the official recommendation for our protein intake is about double what most people need. So, if you're following labels or MyPlate or whatever you're probably eating twice as much protein as you need to eat already. But everybody is obsesses with protein so they're eating more. And actually protein turns out to be much easier to get get than it used to be. So you could actually eat much less. So this is two myths that you're busting at once. One is that you need more protein than is recommended in order to be strong and build strong muscles. That may be true if you're an elite athlete but it's not true for anyone else. So that's one end of the spectrum. And the other end is it's hard to get enough protein and especially for vegans. That's also completely wrong. The key here is that a balanced diet is what matters. Whether it's vegan or omnivorous or flexitarian or pescatarian. If it's a balanced diet you're almost assured to be getting enough protein.

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Jun 25, 2021
Thanking and Planking with Lainey and Brody
2:47

Lainey and Brody thank and plank from Metro-Detroit.

WORKING HARD w/Lainey

TRUTH-TELLING w/Lainey

GENERATING ENERGY w/Lainey

MINIMIZING w/Brody

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: You know me. I'm a sucker for a good morning routine and also the sound of children's voices. So today is a perfect storm of an episode.

BRODY: I'm Brody and I'm 10 years-old.

LAINEY: I'm Lainey and I'm 7 years-old.

ZAK: And my niece and nephew, Lainey and Brody whom you've heard on the show before have this excellent morning routine. It's called Thanking and Planking.

BRODY: It started off where we just started every morning doing a little workout, then my dad gave me and my sister an idea to start naming three things that we're grateful for everyday. And we call it Planks and Thanks and it's something that we do every other morning sometimes and it's just a little workout and something that shows what we're grateful for.

LAINEY: It kind of just like wakes us up. Gets us ready for the day. And shows us how much we should be grateful for all the things we have.

ZAK: And how long have you been practicing this morning routine?

BRODY: Maybe two, three months probably and yeah, just makes us happy. Makes us really thankful and just happy with what we have.

ZAK: Do you find that you come up with new things to be thankful for?

LAINEY: Everyday we can't say, I'm thankful for my couch. I'm thankful for my couch. I'm thankful for my food. I'm thankful for my...we need to see how many things we have and be grateful for everything that we have.

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Jun 23, 2021
Muting the Swamp People with Eric Johnson
5:17

Eric Johnson is the host of the Follow Friday Podcast.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Not all of us but most us are struggling with some form of social media addiction. I certainly am. And that's why today's advice is very refreshing and helpful.

ERIC: Yeah. So my advice is to mute people aggressively. Specifically on Twitter but I think this applies to any sort of social media. And my reason for that is part of the way I think you have a good experience online is to curate who you follow to really seek out the best people and try to and just focus your time on the people who are most interesting to you who also represent a broad range of your interests who are not just one thing. But, a necessary compliment to that is that I think you should also be muting, un-friending, un-following...generally speaking policing what else gets into your feed and really trying to be vigilant about not letting too much in that's going to unnecessarily wind you up. There are good reasons to get angry. There are good reasons to get sad but there's a lot of crap on social media and the most effective way to maintain your sanity is to just, you know, mute people, block people, move on...not them drag you down into their swamp, you know?

ZAK: Not them drag them down into their swamp. That's really good. Why are we diving into other people's swamps voluntarily? There's no reason to do that. There is the promise of social media that you can learn about divergent points-of-view and stuff and this isn't necessarily what you're talking about. What's the criteria for, if I'm gonna go onto Twitter today and mute the swamp people. What am I looking for?

ERIC: Yeah, I think it is really important to distinguish between, I disagree with this and this should be muted. It's not a complete overlap. My main criterion is, is someone acting in bad faith? Are they saying something just to get a rise out of people? Are they saying something that I think they don't really mean? It's a gut call. I don't perfectly know for sure. If you spend enough time online, you can get a sense for when someone is earnestly trying to represent how they feel about something versus when someone is playing the game. Right? When they are playing the algorithm or when they're ramping the all caps or the exclamation points or the adjectives they use to really wind people up and get attention.

ZAK: And now after having done this for several years now and ramped up over the last year, how do you describe the difference in your spirit now that you've done this?

ERIC: Oh my gosh. It's so much better to really be taking control. I do think that there should be more more intentional proactive efforts made on the part of Twitter and Youtube and Facebook and other platforms to let everyone have a saner experience...to make it easier and more transparent of how to use these tools, how to mute people but as someone who has dove into the settings and taught myself how to us them I do feel so much happier when I go online. To your point earlier when you're talking about the difference between what you disagree with versus what you're muting...I don't think people should be getting all of their news, all their information from social media. I think that a healthy news diet comes from all sorts of places and not just online, not just any one website or social app but the reality is that we spend a lot of our time on these apps. This is how, especially during the pandemic, a lot of us have been doing our socializing is just hanging out on these apps and so I think, you know, the more control you can exert over it, it really does have a profound impact on your sanity, your happiness. At least that's what I've found. It really works for me.

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Jun 21, 2021
Eating Ice Cream for Dinner with Mark Bittman
3:17

Mark Bittman is an American food journalist, author, and former columnist for The New York Times.

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: If you're a home cook you probably know the name, Mark Bittman. He's a legendary food writer. I've been cooking out of his How To Cook Everything book which my cousin, the goatman gave me when I was in college. I love Mark Bittman. He has a new podcast it's called Food with Mark Bittman and he's here on Food Friday with some very simple, yet profound advice.

ZAK: You said something. I think it was in your show that truly re-wired my brain, which is this. If you don't want to cook dinner...DON'T!

MARK: I did a story, literally 30 or 40 years ago where I called people who I respected in the food world who were that prior generations' famous food writers...they're all dead...and I said, what do you do when you don't want to cook and one guy said, you know, there's nights where we have a tuna fish sandwich and a glass of milk and we're really happy about that. So, the advice, the straightforward advice there is look at the big picture. It doesn't really matter what your diet is on any given day. It just matters what your diet is in the long-run. Doesn't matter if you have snickers for dinner one night as long as the majority of your diet is sound, it's not like you're going to go into insulin shock and die. You know, or if you decide to eat a big steak that you're gonna have a heart attack. It's like, what are you doing on a day in, day out, basis and if you follow the sort-of...if I say the phrase, good diet, what comes to everybody's mind is the same thing. It's more fruits and vegetables, more unprocessed plants in general, less junk food, fewer animal products. Done. There's nothing else to say. So if you have that attitude over the course of the year then whether you have ice cream or snickers for dinner. As I said to somebody the other day, I'm eating a lot of licorice. It's not an important thing. It's not the big considering and one of our problems is that we look for silver bullets. We look for evil-doing things. Like, don't eat X. Don't drink Coke. Yeah, don't drink Coke all the time but a Coke is not gonna kill and I think it's important...nor is a head of broccoli gonna save you. It's what you do the majority of time that matters.

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Jun 18, 2021
Transmitting and Receiving with Somi Arian
4:28

Somi Arian is a tech philosopher, international speaker, entrepreneur, award-winning filmmaker and LinkedIn Top Voice among UK influencers. Her work focuses on the impact of technology on society at large, the future of work and digital marketing.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Today on The Best Advice Show, where do ideas come from?

SOMI: I'm Somi Arian. I'm a tech philosopher, entrepreneur, investor, filmmaker, author. One of those things that really helps me in terms of my creativity and what, you know, has helped me been pretty successful in where I am considering, if you see a picture of where I was born and brought up you'd never believe where I've gotten to and the one thing that really helped me with that was this idea of thinking about, I'm not the one making the music. I'm like the hole in the flute that the music come through me, right?

ZAK: Somi's advice is inspired actually by one of my favorite poets who's name I've been mispronouncing for years!

ZAK: I say Hafiz wrong. How do you say it?

SOMI: Yea

ZAK: Hafiz was a Sufi poet from the 1300's and here's the poem that Somi's talking about.

A Hole in a Flute

I am a hole in a flute

that the Christ’s breath moves through.

Listen to this music.

I am the concert from the mouth of every creature

singing with the myriad chorus.

I am a hole in a flute

that the Christ’s breath moves through

Listen to this music.

SOMI: I'm a big believer that you don't create ideas but ideas come to you. The idea is already out there. If you think about mathematics, did Einstein come up with those equations or did the equations already exist? You think in terms of laws of physics, chemistry. It's all out there. We are like receivers and transmitters so when you think of yourself as a receiver and a transmitter the thing that makes you successful is when you capture that idea or the idea comes to you. You don't actually capture it. You enable yourself like what makes you successful is put yourself in a position where those ideas come to you and them when they come to you...the thing that I have written on my wall is that every minute that you allow that idea to live longer, you know, it has a better change of surviving and becoming reality.

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Jun 16, 2021
Avoiding the Gloopy-Gloppies with Laine Kaplan-Levenson
2:51

Laine Kaplan-Levenson is a producer and reporter for NPR's Throughline podcast. Before joining the Throughline team, they were the host and producer of WWNO's award-winning history podcast TriPod: New Orleans at 300, as well as WWNO/WRKF's award-winning political podcast Sticky Wicket.

What's your essential summer advice? Call me at 844-935-BEST.

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Summer's around the corner and really, let's be honest, it's already here. I'm svitzing as I record this from my home office in Detroit. So today, I'm pleased to share this essential summer tip from the radio producer, Laine Kaplan-Levenson.

LAINE: It's two-fold, really. It's that no matter how old you are, you should never stop wearing kids tear-free sunscreen because if you just stop and think about it for a second, at what age do you want to be tear-full? Not only should I buy kids tear-free sunscreen, I should but kids tear-free sun-stick because that gives me ultimate control. It's hand-held. I am moving at a pace that I am comfortable with around my nose, under my eye, on my forehead and the chances that my entire day will be ruined are just minuscule compared to the gloopy-gloppy grownup sunscreen that, you know, is really full of tricks. So, you know, in terms of what brand I'm not going there. I'm not getting paid by anybody. Obviously, you know, there's natural options to look into and, you know, I don't really have a favorite I'm gonna sell on your here, but if you've never considered this, I highly recommend as we get into the summer season that you drop whatever adult situation you've been fooling yourself with and you go the store and you buy a kids' tear-free sun stick because your life will never be the same. Alright, thanks, man. Talk to you later. Bye.

ZAK: Laine is a producer on the excellent NPR show, Throughline. What's your essential summer advice? Call me at 844-935-BEST. Stay cool, pal,

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Jun 14, 2021
Cooking with Grandma, Laura Soloman and Alex Chambers
3:28

Alex Chambers is an educator and artist in Bloomington, Indiana and Laura Soloman is a lawyer in Philadelphia.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: It's Food Friday on The Best Advice Show and today I've got a twofer. If you've been listening to this show you know I've been excitedly collecting your grandparents advice. If you have some grandparent advice for me. I would love to hear it. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. So today I've got two pieces of food-related advice both from these contributors' grandparents. First, Laura Soloman.

LAURA: I think a lot of people just use only one of their senses when they cook. That is, their eye sight. They look at the recipe and maybe they really follow it to a T. But they don't use any of their other senses and I think that really misses an important opportunity. When I was growing up I learned to cook with my grandmother, my Oma, who was blind and as a result we had to use all of our senses. She taught me how to feel the dough, how to measure the ingredients in the palm of my hands, not a measuring cup. How to listen. You know, when the pan was ready for the food. How to even smell when a baked cook was ready to come out of the oven. So, that's my advice for Food Friday. Don't just read a recipe and then wonder why it doesn't turn out right. Use all of your senses because I think if you do that means you're fully present and you're gonna really enjoy cooking just like you enjoy anything else in life when you're really fully there for the experience. Enjoy.

ZAK: I love this. Thank you, Laura Soloman. And thank you, Oma! Next up Alex Chambers is gonna talk about something his grandma taught him.

ALEX: So, my grandmother died just about a year ago. It was in the midst of COVID but it wasn't due to COVID. She was very well protected from that. She was 99 and a half. Died peacefully. She had said 99 and a half was about when she expected to go. And that was plenty. Her advice for having a good, long life was eat plenty of butter and chocolate. I'm pretty happy to try to follow that advice. At her funeral, one of her 8 daughters remembered that another thing that my grandma always used to say was no bad days. And I think what she meant by that was just that you find a way to get something good out of your day. Find a way to appreciate something that happened during your day. That seems like it was probably good advice.

Agreed. That's great advice and one way to do that, it sounds like Alex, is to eat butter and chocolate. How can you have a wholly bad day if you get a little butter and chocolate in there. You can't!

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Jun 11, 2021
Lowering the Stakes with Sarah Geis
4:47

Sarah Geis is a Chicago-based producer and editor, and former artistic director of the Third Coast International Audio Festival. She's the keeper of audioplayground.xyz

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

Follow us on:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bestadviceshow/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bestadviceshow

Twitter: https://twitter.com/muzachary

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Jun 09, 2021
JOIN THE TBAS POWER HOUR HOUR CLUB! with Jon London
5:44

Jonathan London is a leadership development professional and songwriter from Michigan.

--

My New Habit for Tackling Nagging Tasks: Power Hour. - Gretchen Rubin

To join The Best Advice Show Power Hour Club, email ZAK@bestadvice.show and I'll send you an invite.

Our first power hour is 6/21 @ 3 PM EST.

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Jun 07, 2021
Editing Your Fridge with Zoë Komarin
5:09

Zoë Komarin cooks fun, gorgeous, healthy, delicsious food @ ZOEFOODPARTY

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: I'm so excited about today's Food Friday because I'm bringing a returning champion, my friend, the chef, Zoe Food Party.

ZOE: My advice is for everyone to take some time once a year or quarterly to Marie Kondo their condiments. Marie Condiment. TM her obviously but also, slash me. The reason being, and I'm sure you can relate. I've actually seen your fridge before so I know this for a fact but if I open my fridge I'm also a culprit. We are all hoarding far too many condiments. Granted, I love having extra stuff around. A hot sauce here, a pickle-y, briny, you know, pickled pepper jar there but if we really were to open our refrigerator and gaze deeply into the abyss we would recognize that we do not look at, touch, or even feel enticed to play with 2/3 if not more of the condiments that make their way into that door.

ZAK: Gold's horseradish. I haven't touched this in a long time. I don't remember when I bought this. Trader Joe's Green Goddess salad dressing from December, 2020. Spicer Orchard's Cinnamon Apple Butter. I used it once. Pillsbury vanilla frosting...

ZOE: So, what happens. We get something as a gift. We find something when we used to be able to travel. We buy something extra at the supermarket. Whatever it is, we use it, it starts to get cruddy or sticky or in some cases rusty and kind of congealed and then it becomes icky.

ZAK: Hoisin sauce from 2018. Oh my god.

ZOE: We all have this problem where suddenly we have this collection of things in our refrigerator door literally weighting it down physically but I think beyond the weight of that door filled with all these extraneous, unusable condiments, there's then this blockage.

ZAK: Enchilada sauce, best by July 2020.

ZOE:The blockage is if you want to open your refrigerator and be inspired by what to cook or what to eat, even if it's just as simple as a sandwich and then you have the hurdle of extra things that are unusable and inedible blocking you, you're gonna shut that fridge door again and again and again thinking there's nothing to eat in there but if you open it and you're inspired by what is there, you're more enticed to pull a few things out and mix and match and make something beautiful for yourself. So I really feel like, again, it could be once a year. If you're inclined to do it quarterly, more power to you but Marie Condiment that door and clean it up and some people might see it as wasteful but to be perfectly honest, I think it's more wasteful to just have it sitting there unused than to just give yourself that editing eye and that breathing room. Your refrigerator needs a little breathing room.

ZAK: I love this because once you do this you can open your fridge and literally use anything.

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Jun 04, 2021
Calling for Robins with Phoebe McIndoe
5:28

Phoebe McIndoe is an artist and host of the podcast, Telling Stories.

Cheering up with Leora

Howling with Laura

To offer your own animal kingdom advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

PHOEBE: I think the advice that I'm really offering is to identify a few bird calls for yourself, get to know the sound a bit and then you more or less created your own treasure hunt going around your city because you can go out and try to identify the calls and find the birds. So I'll start the call off and a robin will fly down to the branch near me. Especially when it's at eye-level and you're looking in its eye and the robin is looking at you and you feel there is a connection there.

Dear, Zak. This is a poem. It's called Calling for Robins -

When the jobs ran awry - and the real money dried up

I wanted to let their liquid gold, spill through my ears 

When love went awry 

After change and tears 

I went to catch eyes with robins in the park 

To feel the old spark igniting in new ways 


They will just look at me as though I've communicated something in their language and they can't quite understand whether it's real or not. They listen to me and I have no idea what I'm saying to them. So sometimes I try and attach a feeling or an emotion. You are not sure whether it's understood you or not and I think that we always feel that whether it's an animal or a human being. We wonder if the connection is in our heads or whether they felt it too.


When words were too 

Difficult to pronounce the soft whistle still urged itself up

I offer myself to Robins, like the worm with the death-wish

Their call giving a shape and clarity to the day 

And in the pin-point of their eyes

I seem to find some understanding

Rooting me back to the earth. 


So, when everything begins to feel awry

I advise 

Calling for Robins. 


PHOEBE: So, let's carry on.

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Jun 02, 2021
Evolving Self-Talk with Kelly Travis
5:06

Kelly Travis is a health and wellness coach and host of She Doesn't Settle.

TBAS # 38: Self-Talking with Steven Handel

ZAK: WARNING, today's episode contains use of the s-word. 8 times. Kelly Travis is a health, wellness and leadership coach and she's been doing some work. Not just with her clients but on her self.

KELLY: I never had a positive thing to say about myself. It derailed me a lot and what resulted was I never really used my own voice. I never went after goals I actually wanted. I would freeze up in taking action on things that were really important. My self-worth was really shitty. Like I just wasn't good enough. And this work has allowed me to see myself differently.

ZAK: One of the things thats helped Kelly move forward is this thing that she does. When she finds her self talking shit to herself, she's figured out a way to talk back to that shit-talker. It's a simple question she asks herself, is this thought useful.

KELLY: Because the shit-talker is loud. The other voice in our head that's encouraging and is a cheerleader and tells us to keep going is very quiet. The shit-talker is loud and that's the one we head all the time cause it's on auto-pilot. It's the same stuff everyday. Research shows us 85 percent of our thoughts are the same from the day before. And that question, is this though useful...doesn't matter if it's true...IS IT USEFUL and being able to choose something else that will keep us going in a positive direction. Right? So if I say to myself, I'm such a shitty mom. I can't do this. I suck at this. Is that thought useful? No. What can I think instead. I'm doing the best I can right now. It's messy. It's chaotic but I'm doing the best I can.

ZAK:And so it's like, we're going through our day. We hear the negative shit-talking come in and we stop ourselves and say, is this thought helpful?

KELLY: Yeah. And that's the part that requires the work. Reminding ourselves to check in because as a society we are just on auto-pilot. We don't pay attention to what we're thinking most of the time. So, having a post-it note up on your computer that says, ask the question or setting a reminder on your phone to ask yourself the question so it becomes something you start to do automatically without thinking after time.

ZAK:And we answer the question. Is this helpful? No, it's not helpful. And then what?

KELLY: You think of a neutral thought. I don't believe in bullshit positive affirmations. The brain just doesn't work that way. It never worked for me. Now, if you have people that like them and they work, awesome, but it's hard for the brain to go from you suck to oh my god you're amazing! It doesn't work that way so we want to go somewhere in the middle. A thought that we can latch on to that we can still believe but is more helpful, right? So, whatever that is whether it's like the example I gave you which is I'm doing the best I can. Or, you know, something along those lines that keeps us moving in a positive direction.

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May 31, 2021
Cooking with Curiosity with Tiffani Rozier
3:44

Tiffani Rozier is a chef, writer, chaser of curiosities and host of the podcast, Afros + Knives

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Hey pal, thanks for joining me for another edition of Food Friday.

TIFFANI: My name is Tiffani Rozier, I am what I refer to as a semi-retired chef because my podiatrist only wants it that way right now. I'm a food writer and I host and produce a podcast called the Afros and Knives podcast.

ZAK: You step into your kitchen with a very specific vision in mind. You saw this recipe on the internet and you want to replicate perfectly. Well, that is one way to do it. But Tiffani says there's another way.

TIFFANI: So if you show up to your kitchen prepared to practice the act of cooking then you kind of leave the idea of failure and mistakes behind as a dictatorship and you just lean into, like, hey this might not come out the way I had originally planned. This might not look like the picture I saw. But in the end no one's tasting this but you or maybe your family and if it's inedible you throw it out, you start again. And so with cooking it's like, connect with the food, connect with yourself. Or connect with your family history. There's just so many things you can be doing when you cook and it's just like, you can learn more about your family history, you can learn more about yourself and your temperament and your ability to wait for something. Cause waiting for yeasted dough to rise can be a thing and if you don't wait long enough you don't get the result you want. If you wait too long, it falls apart. Learning how to have a certain inner-sense of timing and then on top of that you need to stay curious and curiosity for me is kind of like the center belief of my life. People's favorite meals come from that. You're tasking that experience. The experience of a person coming into their kitchen, practicing the art of cooking and using a tremendous amount of curiosity and imagination.

ZAK: You're surprising me in one way but you're also reaffirming some core philosophies here. Like, in art we talk about the process is more important than the product. In travel we talk about the journey is more important than the destination and in cooking I always thought of it as an exception. No, it's about the finished thing. But you're saying no, this IS about process over recipe or end result.

TIFFANI: Exactly. Getting people to feel good in the kitchen and making them curious about what's possible. It's just like, there's so many ramifications. And so for me I'm like, go back to your kitchen and be curious. If I can tell you nothing else about cooking...go back to your kitchen and stay curious because if you're curious you will chase the information. You will get on Youtube and watch someone cut through an onion so you know what a small dice, or a mince or a brunoise looks like. You will go to a video to watch how somebody sautés a steak perfectly every single time. You will chase the information because we pursue the things that are important to us. For me it's always a win. Stay curious. Be curious. You buy a whole chicken and the first question you should ask is, what can I do with this?

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May 28, 2021
Putting it in a Rocks Glass with Elia Einhorn
5:26

Elia Einhorn is a host at Sonos Radio and Pitchfork Radio and editor of the new zine, Sober 21

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Quick warning. Today's episode contains a hardy amount of swearing.

ELIA: Hey, I'm Elia Einhorn. I wear a lot of hats. I host Sonos Radio, Pitchfork Radio. I hosted the Talkhouse podcast for years. My newest project is Sober 21. It's a compendium that just came out via the Creative Independent as a beautiful zine and online for free and it's these 21 sober musicians sharing crucial tips and hints and advice for musicians who are thinking about getting sober. Maybe sober curious or are newly sober and are afraid that their career is over. We put it together to say it is no. Shit is about to get way the fuck better!

ZAK: A lot of us are getting back out into the world and it feels really good. And for the sober among us, Elia has some advice about making that transition smooth and healthy.

ELIA: My advice is this. Don't walk around a bar with a pint glass full of Diet Coke. Get your drink in a rocks glass. Get whatever you're having. A Diet Coke. For me, it's a cranberry and soda with lime but get it in a rocks glass. And there's a wonderful piece in Sober 21 about this by Jen Champion and she titled it, Soda Water with a Lime But Will You Put it in a Rocks Glass" and it's something that in sober communities of people who are out at shows, are out at clubs, are playing concerts, we just know this. It's just this implicit experience. Put it in a rocks glass then you don't have some asshole asking you why are you not drinking. But really, why aren't you really drinking! Come on, man. What's the deal? You know that drunk person who's pushing too far. You can do it at parties too. I find you're either at somebody's house where they're putting out glasses if they're feeling a little fancier. Or, there's like a red plastic cup essentially or the equivalent. The Solo cup. Don't drink out of your can of Diet Coke. Don't drink out of your can of Diet Coke. Don't drink out of your gatorade. Put your Gatorade in the plastic cup and drink out of that and you'll almost definitely not have to answer the question all night. And also, a little bit of an addendum; refresh your drink yourself. Cause people are so thoughtful, if they see your drink's getting low they'll grab one for you. Get ahead of that. Refresh it yourself and always have enough in there that you're like, oh, I'm good. Thanks. It's amazing how much of the 3rd degree that totally gets ahead of.

I am staunchly pro people drinking when they can drink safely. It's an awesome thing. And I want to say that because I feel like people have this idea that people who are sober are like, oh man. Fuck these guys that are drinking. Absolutely not. It's awesome. If I could drink normally I'd drink all the time which is how I know I'm an alcoholic. And I say that because what I'm about to say next is it's usually the person who's a little but too drunk who doesn't understand the social cues around this. It's like, why aren't you having a real drink? Cait O'Riordan from The Pogues talks about this in Sober 21. Why aren't you having a proper drink cause she lives in Dublin so she deals with this shit all the fucking time. It's just not worth having that conversation with everyone you happen to come across. A lot of people got sober during the pandemic. AA meetings are flooded with new people. A lot of people hit their low, hit their bottom during the pandemic and found help, thankfully and now they're re-emerging and doing things in a whole new way. Getting sober is not supposed to be about being boring and sitting around the house watching Netflix. You're supposed to be out in the mix living your life to the fullest, I'd say. You almost didn't get to have a life. Now you to have it. Fucking live it.

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May 26, 2021
UPDATE: Resetting with Zak Rosen
1:20

Dearest Listener, starting this week, I'm going to put the show out Monday, Wednesday and Friday instead of every weekday. Making TBAS is my favorite thing right now but I have other work responsibilities that require more of my attention. I hope you understand and I thank you so much for your on-going support. Love, z

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May 25, 2021
Imposing Deadlines with Laura Herberg
3:04

Laura Herberg is a reporter in Detroit and the host/creator of COMPLETE ME.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: This episode is a long time coming. 15-months coming, in fact. That's when I recorded this interview originally. I've been holding it because for the most part we haven't been going to many event together, which is starting to change, thank God. And that's what today's advice is about, at least in part.

LAURA: So, Zak. You know that I have trouble getting things done. So much so that I created a whole podcast around that idea.

ZAK: It's an absolutely wonderful show. It's called, Complete Me.

LAURA: But one thing I'm really proud of which I'm going to give advice on today is the fact that I even launched the podcast in the first place. So for people out there who have a creative project that they've been working on or even just an idea, actually, that they really want to put out in the world. My advice and this is what I did with my podcast is just book the launch event now. Even if, maybe it's not the final, final...the film is finished or whatever event. Maybe it's your showing of where you're at so far. But book it now, tell your friends and don't back out of it no matter what and I think that's the kick in the pants that a lot of people need to get something done.

ZAK: I think you're absolutely right. I mean, speaking personally. Deadlines are the only way I'll get anything done. So I think that's brilliant. I feel like, it doesn't even have to be a creative project. You don't have to be an artist or "creative person" to do this. I was thinking, like if you have been meaning to clean out your basement for 3 years, you could plan a house party and send out the invites and then you better clean that shit up before the guests arrive.

LAURA: Yes, plan a clean basement party! I love that!

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May 24, 2021
Dressing Salads with Aaron Mondry
5:29

Aaron Mondry is a journalist and salad maven.

PAUSING WITH AARON MONDRY.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: It's Food Friday. And today, we're gonna discuss a long held, deeply felt belief of mine. You don't need to buy salad dressing.

AARON: I take 2 parts oil, 1 part vinegar and put them in a glass jar. A reused jam jar is a great option. And I shake it up. That's the really, really basic blueprint for a salad dressing. But there's lots of ways you can vary it and mix it up and make it interesting and cater it to a slaw, some greens, Asian radishes. Whatever you want. But that's just the basic blueprint. It's so easy.

ZAK: Yeah, I love it. What's the vinaigrette that you make the most frequently.

AARON: I'd say I do 2 parts olive oil, 1 part lemon juice, fresh squeezed, of course. Finely mice some garlic. Maybe finely mince a shallot or an onion. Just a little bit. Salt. Pepper. G-d just that is so delicious. It's so good. But you can add a teaspoon of mustard, a little bit of yogurt. If you want to get fancy you can add some black garlic if you have any. It takes 5 maybe 10 minutes. It tastes fantastic. It lasts in the fridge forever and it tastes better than any store-bough dressing you can get your hands on. I guarantee it.

ZAK: Yeah. I agree. Before I started making my own dressings my fridge would have like a collection of store-bought dressings that would never get finished. And they would just be all coagulate-y and this frees you from that burden.

AARON: Yes. Frees up fridge space and impresses friends, strangely. They're like where'd you get this dressing. Oh, I just made it. Really!?

ZAK: Yeah, I feel like you just have to do it once and then you'll be doing it yourself.

AARON: Yeah.

ZAK: You person at home who hasn't made their own dressing yet.

AARON: Yeah you. Why haven't you?

ZAK: So you do lemon juice and balsamic vinegar?

AARON: I'll typically just do lemon juice but there are tons of great vinegar options including balsamic vinegar, rice wine vinegar, red wine vinegar, sherry. They all have their own unique taste obviously but I just like lemon juice the best, I think.

ZAK: Our house dressing of late has been olive oil, balsamic vinegar, honey and horseradish mustard.

AARON: That sounds really yummy. And thank you for mentioning honey cause it is good to add a little sweetener too cause it can be really sharp without it so some honey or maple syrup will balance it really nicely.

ZAK: Yeah. The shaking is also very satisfying I find.

AARON: Yeah. Sometimes I'll just take a salad dressing out of the fridge and just shake it and not use it and just put it back.

ZAK: Is that true?

AARON: No, it's not true. Laughter. But the shaking is satisfying.

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May 21, 2021
Wondering with Tad Davis
2:38

Tad Davis produces stories in Detroit.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: I got this voice memo from my buddy, Tad, the other day.

TAD: I think to sum it in one sentence is to try to be more...when you're making things or trying to come up with new ideas or working on a creative project that you're excited about buy maybe are stuck and don't know where to go with it is try to unlock your inner-child. I think I've seen that with a lot of creators that I'm envious of. When I hear the things they say, they're so introspective and honest in a way that a little kid could be and maybe not in the sense of the material that they're using but the sense of how they're thinking about it. That there's a vulnerability. That they're not afraid to say what they're thinking and try things that might be out of the norm or uncomfortable as an adult. As I've grown I've just kind of realized that, that the best way for me to make better things or think in a way that is unconventional is to be more playful...to bring out that child-like wonder that kids have and use that for my benefit. It's kind of advice that I need as I'm making things. Ok. Thanks, Zak. Bye.

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May 20, 2021
Leaving with Max Linsky
5:49

Max Linksy the host of a new podcast, 70 Over 70.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Hey, it's Zak. You're listening to The Best Advice Show and today we're gonna talk about something that I've been wanting to talk a lot more about. We're gonna talk about endings.

MAX: My name is Max Linsky. I'm the host of a new podcast. It's called 70 Over 70 and it's from Pineapple Street Studios which is a podcast company I work at.

ZAK: Max is gonna invoke some advice his dad gave him at a critical juncture in his professional life.

MAX: I was leaving a job and it was the first job that I ever had where my leaving was gonna be a problem for people I was working with. It was gonna make their lives harder?

ZAK: Because they were gonna have to pick up the slack you were leaving?

MAX: Yeah. There were some things based around things at the time I could do at the place and that was gonna be hard. It wasn't just gonna be more work. It was gonna get worse for a little bit after I left before it was gonna get better. And people were frustrated that I was leaving. And I don't like letting people down and so I was really torqued about it because I knew it was the right thing for me to go and I could't figure out how to both do the right thing and leave and not let people down and I did what I always do when I'm stuck in that way and called him and tried to talk it through with him and he said this thing which stuck with me was that he thinks that how you leave is as important as you how you start. I found that to be a really powerful idea and one that I never thought of. I think we put so much energy into first impressions and so much energy into how we start a job or start a relationship or start a friendship or start, even an interview...I mean I do all these interviews and there's so much energy in how it begins and how we present ourselves and what that means about how it's gonna go. And I think we punt on endings a lot, you know. And in part because they end later than they should have and so feelings have sort of crept in and started I think to kind of poison things and one of the things that was helpful about that idea for me...I mean it helped me in that moment and Iw was able to see it from their vantage point a little more. I stayed a little bit longer than I wanted to but I felt really good leaving. Like, I made a goal to leave feeling good about how I left and that really changed the urgency with which I had to leave, you know? And I think if had just been like, I know the right thing is to go. I can't do this perfectly. Like, rip the band-aid off. I just think it's a thing that would have bothered me going forward. And the other piece of it is that it would have changed my impression of the whole time. And that's the other piece of this that I think is really significant and I think it's really true with relationships. It's true with friendships. And I think particularly when things end badly or end because they need to end, there's a tendency to only remember that last stage. And I think that's a pretty toxic thing, actually. And it's worth investing in ended it well so that all of the strong parts of that relationship or that time or that job or whatever...you get to hold on to those and not batch 'em in with the shitty end when everyone was being their smallest self. And how you leave is as important as how you start. Just that phrase from him in that moment really flipped the way I was thinking about it and the terms of the choice.


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May 19, 2021
Cultivating Happiness with Andy Kushnir
3:18

Andy Kushnir is a writer, landscaper, cook, dad and hubby living in LA

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Hey, it's Zak. It's The Best Advice Show and today we're gonna think in the long term and change our behavior in the short term.

ANDY: I grew up playing sports and it occurred to me as I get older and my body continues to break down and get worse and worse by the minute that I can't do this forever and I played soccer growing up and you go and look at a soccer field and there aren't 60 year-olds running around and in the pandemic I struggled with depression and I started to take stock of the older men in my life. None of which I would qualify or describe as happy people and I thought, what's that about? Now, all the older woman in my life are thriving. They are in a million clubs. They're doing a million things. They have a vibrant social life and they seem to be doing very well. And, you know, I started to think, a lot of the older men I know are sitting around and watching MSNBC all day and they don't have anything to do. They don't have a hobby. They don't have a place to go. They don't work anymore. Their whole lives were for work and making money and I so I need to start developing a way to be happy that isn't related to work. So, I began cooking and taking cooking very seriously in my house. We moved during the pandemic from a little apartment in Los Angeles proper and we moved to the valley which is like the suburbs of LA and we got a little house that has a yard and I've taken to re-doing the full yard and that brings me a lot of happiness. I've got all of North Hollywood helping me. All my neighbors have lent me tools which has helped foster community as well through this hobby and being outside has made me happier. Its helped with my depression and its helped me talk about things that aren't just work and honestly I think the whole experience is an exercise in anti-Capitalism. Just finding happiness where I am with what I'm doing and not thinking about how will I pay for blank or where am I in my career.

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May 18, 2021
Pooping with Kira Newman
4:35

Dr. Kira Newman is a physician and scientist who studies poop all day.

AVOIDING CATASTROPHE WITH BRENDEN MURPHY

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: I took a walk this weekend with a gastroenterologist friend of mine. So, of course we're gonna talk about poop. If you could tell everybody who poops one thing, what would you tell them?

KIRA: I think if I could just tell them one thing it would be that there's no right number of bowel movements to have. I think a lot of people get sold this bill of goods that like, you need to have one perfect bowel movement a day. It should look like a snake made out of toothpaste and if you don't do that then there's something wrong with you. But really and truly there are lots of people who poop more than that, less than that...different consistencies and that may just be there normal.

ZAK: That's gonna put so many people at ease. That's gonna put so many butts at ease.

KIRA: Hopefully. There's definitely stuff we tell people to watch for in their poop. Blood is not a normal thing that should be in poop. Black tar-like poop can sometimes be blood thats been digested. These are things that I want people to know that they should be concerned about. But most poop most of the time is just a sign that the body is doing what its supposed to do. And that's a wonderful thing.

ZAK: Can you introduce yourself? Tell me who you are and what you do.

KIRA: I'm Kira Newman. I'm a physician. I'm towards the end of my training for gastroenterology. So I study poop all day everyday, talk to people about their poop and help them problem solve when their poop isn't doing what its supposed to do.

KIRA: I wish that people paid a little more attention to their poop sometimes cause I think that people don't give it the appreciation that it deserves.

ZAK: How do you mean?

KIRA: We spend all this time thinking about...you talk about evolution and the magical evolution that gave us eyes that are capable of seeing. But, we all have these guts that are capable of taking all kinds of things from the world and turning them into nutritious things that build an entire human being and nobody appreciates it. Take a moment to be, instead of grossed out, be excited and be like, wow, my body just did something really cool! My body took all the stuff I ate and broke it down and turned it into fuel for me. That's pretty rad. So I hope that people can appreciate it a little but more and just think like, hey, my gut did this for me today and it does it everyday. It doesn't ask for a lot. It doesn't look like the prettiest organ on your body but it's pretty marvelous.

ZAK:Thank gut!

KIRA: Yeah. Thank gut!

ZAK: Thanks, Kira.

KIRA: You're welcome.

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May 17, 2021
Repurposing Food with Zoë Komarin
4:42

Zoë Komarin cooks fun, gorgeous, healthy, delicsious food @ ZOEFOODPARTY

Zoë was last on the show talking about the superiority of spoons.

TRANSCRIPT:

Zak: It's so nice to be with you for another addition of Food Friday. Before I get started though, I've been doing some soul searching about this show and I have some big questions about what I want this show to become and what you want this show to become and I want to put together a Zoom call with a handful of you who consider yourselves dedicated listeners...people who love the show a lot and listen a lot. I just want to ask you some questions. If you want to get in on this, I would really appreciate it. Email me at ZAK@ BESTADVICE.SHOW. I will be forever in your debt. Ok, on to today's Food Friday advice.

Zoë: Hi, my name is Zoë of Zoë Food Party. I'm a chef and a food curator and in general I have a lot of food ideas and I have sticky hands.

Zak: Get ready for a very simple, very effective refrigerator trick.

Zoë: I can honestly say it has consistently provided me with a much easier time quickly making myself a meal than any other trick I can think of and that is to always keep a rotating bowl or box or plate of the odds and ends that you're cooking with. In your fridge, ready to grab. And what I mean by that is, every time you cut half an onion for a pasta sauce you have this other half. Or every time you use a couple slices of tomato and you've got a bunch of tomato left. All of these odds and ends I feel like people just put them back in their fridge in a haphazard way. Something's on the top shelf. Half a lemon is in the door. Maybe you wrap your onion in saran wrap because of the smell. Whatever it is, they all need to land in a box. And the box should be clear and the bowl should be clear so you can see in there. And every time you open your fridge and think, oh, I'm hungry and I need to make some food and I don't have a thought out plan. The first thing I do is I pull the bowl or box out and land that on my counter because I'm starting with what I have...what's already in use...what's in flux. I've got half and onion and a carrot and a bit of tomato. If I'm making a sandwich, those should all go in it. It just helps me...It's a catalyst for creating something. It's a starting point.

Zak: And for wasting less. It's so great. The amount of avocado halves that browned in my life. 

Zoë: That's the saddest thing I've ever heard in my whole life. What's sadder than not getting the full delight of a whole avocado. 

Zak: This is fantastic. What's something you recently made out of odds and ends?

Zoë: Breakfast. I reached for this scrap bowl and in it were half a zucchini, some red onion. We have some spring garlic from the farmer's market that we store in the fridge. There were some mushrooms. All these little bits and pieces that we just hadn't used up the day before that landed in this bowl and we quickly threw those in a cast-iron pan, got a garlic and salt and chili flake on there and then made some avocado toast and piled it on there and it was absolutely delightful and you know, sometimes it just doesn't matter. Like, you can make a curated avocado toast with exactly what you're imagining should go on one or you can just take whatever you have in the fridge and make one and it's delightful. 

Zak: What's it gonna be? Curated avocado toast or whatever avocado toast. I'm going for the latter everytime. Thank you, Zoë. If you don't follow Zoë on Instagram, you must. She puts out amazing videos. You'll learn a lot. You'll chuckle. @ZoeFoodParty. Like I said earlier, if you want to participate in an interactive feedback session with me, email at ZAK @ BESTADVICE.SHOW. And thank you in advance!

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May 14, 2021
Giving Effectively with Laura Solomon
3:59

Laura Solomon is an attorney dedicated to providing specialized, but affordable, legal services to nonprofit, charitable organizations, foundations, business leagues, political action committees, and philanthropic individuals.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: I'm Jewish and in our tradition we have this thing called tzedakah. That's Hebrew word that translates to righteousness. But really tzedakah is this ethical obligation we have. And one of the core tenants of this obligation is that we're supposed to give ten-percent or our income to charity each year or to people or organizations in need. The ten-percent principle is something I heard my whole life. But one thing I never learned, at least explicitly, is how to give. And that's where today's advice, from Laura Soloman comes in.

LAURA: So, I'm a lawyer. I have a law firm devoted to forming and representing charitable organizations and working with philanthropic individuals to achieve their charitable missions philanthropic visions. I think people benefit from having philanthropic mentors, role-models. I was blessed in growing up with a grandmother who was a survivor of the holocaust who would get her reparation check from Germany and we would sit down at her kitchen table in Washington Heights, New York and write check after check until it was all gone for charitable purposes. And she had a catch-phrase. In German she'd say, "the last dress has no pockets," meaning you don't hoard it. You don't keep it for yourself. Give freely with a full-heart and give now and so I think finding a philanthropist of a generous person that you look up to as a role model can be incredibly helpful.

ZAK: I love that. And so you had your grandmother as your philanthropic mentor or at least one of them. What are some questions that I might ask my philanthropic mentor once I find them?

LAURA: How have your priorities changed over time? Have you always been passionate about the environment or last year were you more interested in addressing racial disparities? I think it's important to understand that, you know, our thoughts and feeling change over time and therefore our priorities and therefore our philanthropic priorities.

ZAK: What's the objective of having the mentor?

LAURA: I think you can learn to be good at philanthropy just like you can learn to be good at something else.

ZAK: Like, what do you think makes a compatible mentor/mentee relationship in this dynamic?

LAURA: Somebody who's open to talking about it. Not feeling as through money or philanthropy is a taboo subject but one that should be part of our everyday lives and part of the conversation. You know, one of the things I think COVID has shown us is that we all have this shared vulnerability. But we can also all share in the repair.

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May 13, 2021
Customizing Rituals with Andy Eninger
3:50

Andy Eninger is an improviser, writer, facilitator and dog dad.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: It's The Best Advice Show where everyday, I invite a different guest on to offer one piece of advice. Today, we're gonna talk about moving through grief in our own unique ways with Andy.

ANDY: My father passed away from COVID-related caused a couple months ago.

ZAK: Oh man. I'm sorry.

ANDY: Yeah. It's been rough on top of a pretty rough year for him and certainly for the family. I'm also in such a busy phase right now. And I'm like, you can't busy yourself through something like this. And so, I just had to figure out something new and someone recommended, well, think of a ritual. Have a ritual. And so now, I have created this box and I put in this box different things that remind me of him and different aspects of him. A t-shirt that he gave me when I was a little kid that I still somehow have, a ceramic chicken because he hoarded his mom's ceramic chickens after she passed away. Some other little trinkets and I pull out this box, I light a candle and I just breathe ten times and then whatever comes up, comes up. But just that ritual has been profound in just letting me move through it and be really aware of it and be mindful of actually letting myself do that. Because I know on the days that I don't do it, I'm a crab. I'm just terrible.

ZAK: So this is a daily thing?

ANDY: Yeah, I do it everyday, every other day. I've replaced my meditation with doing this because it's such a focus right now.

ZAK: So how did you figure out that this would be a good ritual for you?

ANDY: Trial and error. I wasn't sure. I was like, I don't know what a ritual is. When I think of ritual I think of going to church and something huge and based in history. And just simply thinking, well I can make up what it is was completely outside of my experience. I don't know, I'll put together a box and put some things in that box. I don't know what to do with it. I'll just breathe. And I discovered that just that time with those things and those memories of those things also bring is so profound in letting me bring those things to the surface rather than having the be underneath. Here's my little box. I'm gonna use this box for the next ritual. So the next thing. I'm gonna do one thing at a time right now. As I move through this and when it's time to take on the next thing, I want to use this same box and I want to start thinking what the next process that I want to move through...the goal that I'm working toward. But put those signs and symbols into it and use it as a thing that I can return to. Light the candle, put on some music and assemble the elements that allow me to move through that. I think we often feel like ritual has to be something that's handed to us but I think that what's needed in a moment actually lives inside of us too.

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May 12, 2021
Asking Again with Adriana Lozada
5:57

Adriana Lozada is the creator and host of The Birthful podcast as well as a working doula, a childbirth and postpartum educator and a sleep consultant.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Adriana is here today to teach us something that I am so incredibly uncomfortable with. Asking again.

ADRIANA: This was year's ago and my husband and I were going to the Apple store because both our earbuds had busted. He had an iphone. I had an ipod so his, they were like, here's your replacement, no problem. For me, it was like, you need to make an appointment with a genius. There was no appointments. And it was hours wait. So I asked the person helping us, couldn't they just give it to me. You know that's what's gonna happen at the end. My husband just got it. Can't you just give me one again. He was like, well, I don't know...policy. And I said, can you ask the manager. I'm a doula. So it comes from advocacy and making your voice and needs heard in a very conversational and curious way. Like, why not? Lets just explore this. Is it possible. Not, I'm demanding something to happen. So, that person went and asked the manager and came back and said, no, the manager said no. And I looked up and I said, can you ask them again?

ZAK: Whoa.

ADRIANA: And of course he laughed and my husband's looking at me like, what!? And he's like, sure. I'll ask again. I'll humor you crazy lady. And he went and came back with my earbuds. hahaha. And he's like, here ya go. And so that was very much the epitome of the ask again moment. But, it's a moment that I've definitely honed in with all I do with my doula clients. Understanding that circumstances can change and asking again does require you to put yourself out there and it does require some vulnerability because you already have the answer you didn't want. If you ask again you might get the one you want.

ZAK: My fear is by asking again, people are gonna think I'm a diva or something. How can you give people like me the confidence to actually ask again?

ADRIANA: The key point there is you do need to put your ego aside. The outcome doesn't reflect to you or who you are. And I think that also comes from...I'm originally from Venezuela so my other mother tongue is Spanish and there you've got two different words for the verb, to be. And you have ser and estar. And one (ser) is you are. A condition that isn't gonna change. Like, I am a human. I will always be a human. But the other one is estar. It's a condition that is depending on how the moment is. I am cold. That's not who I am. I am cold right now. So, I think having that flexibility in your brain of this doesn't define me has been helpful in being able to navigate that asking again. And then from being a doula for so many years, I get to have the unique perspective of being able to go to different hospitals, work with different providers at home, at schedule cesarian, unmedicated births...The whole gamut and I see one provider might come up or a nurse and say, no, we need to do this and I know just last week in this same hospital down the hall with different providers, we did something different. And so knowing that things can be done in many different ways. There is that strength inside me of, well, I know it can be done differently. Lets see if we can make it different today.

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May 11, 2021
Practicing Passion with Ned Specktor
5:00

Ned Spector dance, sings and inspires from Metro-Detroit.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

listen to COUNTER PROGRAMMING!

TRANSCRIPT:

NED: I'm Ned Specktor. I'm 40 years-old. I just really stand for positivity, optimism and good energy. I feel like my thing that i've been given is energy and I want to share that. I want to build a platform for good. I want to light people up. No matter what situation I get into, I'm just trying to bring good energy to it in a very, very genuine way.

When I watch Ned's videos on Instagram. It makes me want to get up and do aerobics. So, here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna cue this music (electro-pop music begins) and as we listen to his advice, if you wanna do some jumping jacks, I'm not gonna stop ya.

NED: My best advice is, as fast possible in your life and even if it's later in your life...but man, like, fight for the time to bring your passion to life. If you said, what do you stand for, I'm on a mission to get people plugged into why they're here and I just feel like it gets buried under bills and fear and jobs and everything but, man, I don't care if it's at night, on the weekends, in the morning, please schedule time to work on the thing that lights you up the most, period, end of story. I feel like the world would be so happy even if you're going to a job that's 9-5, maybe there's a creative way you can bring it into your job but if you know even going into that job, if you know Tuesday nights from 7-8:30, that's my time to work on my passion project. Like, you're ok with the BS that happens. You just know, you know there's something else going on here for me. I'm cool. I'm gonna honor where I'm at like Danny Johnson says, prosper where you're planted. But man, please schedule time to work on your passion. I just feel like we all have a gift. As corny as it sounds. But I feel like we're more than a 9-5 and I think we should honor that. Do great. But please just do it.

Yeah, and what I so appreciate about your framing of it is, it really only takes 10-minutes a week or a minute a day. You don't have to quit your job and move to LA.

NED: And I will say that. Cause sometimes I get a little radical. I'm like black or white. We've gotta quit our job and go do this. And I've learned to live in the grey a little bit. Ok, cool. I'm working on this live show. This motivational musical we're gonna bring to the dance floor and it's literally, dude, it has literally taken me 6-years. Like legitimately its taken me 6-years because A) insecurity and B) sometimes I can only work on it once a week. But there's a great book called The Compound Effect. Small behaviors practiced consistently over a long period of time produce massive results. Brick by brick. Drop it in the bucket, drop it in the bucket. Like, schedule it. Time Ferris, great podcast, I'm sure you're familiar...he's like, if it's not on the schedule it's not real. And it's so true. You're never gonna be like, oh, I have an extra 90-minutes. Not gonna happen. So, schedule the time for your passion.

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May 10, 2021
Telling Your Crush with Erin (from the Society for the Advancement of the Crush Agenda)
6:13

Erin is the Minister of Communications for the Society for the Advancement of the Crush Agenda.

MAY 7TH IS INTERNATIONAL TELL YOUR CRUSH DAY!

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Yes, I know that's Food Friday but it's a national holiday and we must observe.

ERIN: Hi Erin. I'm the Minister of Communications for the Society for the Advancement of the Crush Agenda, a mostly fictional organization that runs a very real holiday, International Tell Your Crush Day.

ZAK: When you're talking about crushes. Is it specially romantic of not necessarily.

ERIN: Yeah, not necessarily. I think we all have that connotation and that model of crush can help you know what the feeling is. Like, is this a crush or is it not? You know when you have...sometimes we call it sparklies...that whatever the physical feeling is that goes with that intellectual pining for someone. Yeah, it can be a friend crush. It can be someone you appreciate a lot. There's a lot of room here. We're not too big on specifics and exact rules.

ZAK: Yeah. And so what are you big on?

ERIN: We're big on knowing that people can't read your mind. That's a big premise of good communication in general I think. We all kind of go around thinking...well if they knew they wouldn't have done that thing. I think we assume that our intentions are clear and that our experiences are clear and they're not and so we're big on, if you want somebody to know something, tell them. And so, we think the world is better when people get to hear that they're loved and they're noticed and a valued part of your community and your world.

ZAK: I can think of what it sounds like to tell someone you want to be romantically involved with tah you're interested in them. But how might it work for platonic friendships and people in your life?

ERIN: We really encourage people to reach into their own creativity and their own thoughtfulness and to figure out what the message delivery needs to be for their particular situation. There's also two categories. There's the people you're gonna tell, I have a crush on you. And that could sound like, hey, I just wanted you to know that I love it when we both show up in the same places and it always makes me so excited if I know you're going to the meeting I'm going to. If you ever want to get ice-cream, let me know. Like, that could be a basic crush tell. There's also people you shouldn't tell you have a crush on. Whether it's your boss or someone you're gonna have to see everyday and it might make things super awkward. But, if you want to celebrate the day, please join and tell those people, you've been my teacher for the last five years and everything you share fills me with excitement for the work that I do in the world and I can't thank you enough. There's so many different ways to do it. I'm gonna use this crush day to tell someone that I had a a really sweet dream they were in. Like I don't even know if I have a crush on them. But in the dream it was so nice being in their presence and so I'm gonna send a text and tell them.

ZAK: I love this. I'm thinking about if someone came up to me and said that, like, to be honest I would be wondering, oh that's so sweet...like, are they interested in me as a partner or are they just interested in me as a friend? How have you dealt with these dynamics?

ERIN: That's a great question. I think being careful with your words and saying as much as you need to. Like, you can even say, hey, just so you know...I'm in a committed partnership and I'm not in a position to date other people right now but I also want you to know that I have a little crush on you and it's just fun seeing you when we're both around. Being clear. Setting up what your boundaries are...if you're not sure where you want to go and you want to leave it open, LEAVE IT OPEN!

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May 07, 2021
Vetoing Mutually with Sarah Knight
6:06

Sarah Knight (@mcsnugz) is the author of the NYTimes Best-Selling No F*cks Given guides and host of the No F*cks Given Podcast.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

SARAH: I have a piece of advice that has kept my 20-year relationship moving smoothly and it involves saying no and setting boundaries. So, I call it, MVP...Mutual Veto Power. And this is something that's been working for my husband and I since the early days. We got together in 1999 and it means that you both have the power to say no to something and not be questioned. If I say no, I don't like that paint color. No, I don't want that couch. No, I don't want to go on our honeymoon to Tokyo...The answer is no and we've agreed to not pre-argue about it. We're not gonna debate. We're not gonna engage in guilt-tripping. It's just a no. We both get to have that Mutual Veto Power and what it means is you avoid a lot of conflict and if the other person is just neutral on the thing...you know, on the vacation destination or the paint color or whatever then you go-ahead and do it because that way one of you is getting what you want. But if anybody is a no then you don't do it because that way nobody has to do what they don't want. And I have to say, you know, it works for the little stuff and it works for the big stuff and it just takes a lot of the pressure off of a relationship and this could work with, you know, a client relationship, a family relationship.

ZAK: Because you've had so much practice with this...I can imagine when it first starts it takes some restraint to not push back.

SARAH: It does and I think, you know, what we've learned as a couple over time is that life is much better when you don't force one another or guilt another into doing something the other person doesn't want to do. What you're doing when you say yes to things that you don't want to do or force other people into saying yes to things they don't want to do is you're poisoning the time that you do send together. You're poisoning the relationship. You're creating toxicity that doesn't need to be there and it is not ever, I don't think, my intention or anybody who's trying to get me to do somethings intention to make me frustrated, resentful, angry, anxious about it. Wouldn't it be so much better to just rip-off the band-aid at the beginning, say no, have your no be respected and go on about your day and you know, be able to do things with and for one another that you're both excited about it?

ZAK: Hell yeah. My wife and I, we've been together since 2006 and I think some adjacent practice that we do, it's called Who Wants it More? You have to be really honest about, do you actually care about this? And if you do. If you really want to go out to eat rather than carry-out, just invoke, I think I want to go out more than you don't want to go out. And it causes us both to evaluate how much we do care about and then just to be like, ok, you care more. We're gonna do the thing that you care more about.

SARAH: That's a really good way to phrase it. I have something similar where I talk about making a selfish decision. And I think you can differentiate between good selfish and bad selfish and what I like to advise people is, listen, is the decision that you want to make...is it helping you more than it's hurting anybody else? Because that's probably good selfish. Bad selfish is when a decision you want to make hurts other people more than it helps you. In which case, why aren't you doing it. Why not just go ahead. Go with the flow. And that kind of ties into the MVP rule of, if it's neutral then the person who wants to do it, we can do it. But if either one is a negative, we just both don't do it. And again, that means that at least somebody is getting what they want all the time and nobody is getting what they don't want, ever.

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May 06, 2021
Parsing Language with Adam Milgrom
4:06

Adam Milgrom is an entrepreneur and dad living from Michigan.

ANALYZING ENVY WITH GRETCHEN RUBIN

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: A few months back, I talked to the wise Gretchen Rubin about envy.

GRETCHEN RUBIN: One of the challenges of our lives is to know ourselves and you would think, it's so easy to know myself. I just hang out with myself all day long but it can be hard to be truthful with ourselves and really see what's in the mirror and so sometimes it's helpful to think about questions that get at the truth indirectly and I think an indirect question that's very helpful is whom do I envy?

ZAK: Today's advice comes on the heels of that episode. It's from one of my dearest pals in the world, Adam Milgrom.

ADAM: Try to think about the difference between jealously and envy. It's an easy thing that people mix up. Jealously is when you want the thing that the other person has and you specifically don't want them to have it. You want to have it instead of them. You want to take it away. Envy is just when you also want it. And when I think about this, nine times out ten what I feel is envy not jealousy. And that makes me feel a lot better about it and feel like I can do something about it. Because when I realize that it's not that I don't want that person to have it, I just also want that. It makes it more about me than about them and I'm not trying to take it away from them but I'm just understanding something that I want. And that feels not as dark and it feels like, oh, if that's something that I want, why do I want that? And should I do something about it? It also feels nice just understanding language. Yeah.

ZAK: I got a quick story about Adam. He and I were 16 years-old visiting his grandfather in Miami. We borrowed Adam's grandfather's car. I believe it was a sky blue Ford Taurus station-wagon and we were driving late at night. We didn't know where we were going. And at one point we had to gas up so we go the gas station. I'm driving the car at that point and as we're pulling out I scraped the side of the car against this cement barricade. Of course, I'm terrified. How am I gonna explain this to Adam's grandfather? How am I gonna pay for it? When we get back to Adam's grandpa's condo, Adam says he's the one who was driving and pays his grandpa back for the repairs right on the spot. This is one of the noblest things I've ever witnessed in my life. Adam, thank you for being such a good friend and thank you for this advice. You've been listening to The Best Advice Show and I would love to hear your advice. Give me a call at 844-935-BEST.

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May 05, 2021
Seizing Detours with Dr. Kidada Williams
3:43

Dr. Kidada Williams is the host of new podcast, Seizing Freedom, a historian, author and professor of U.S. History, with a focus on African Americans. She is an Associate Professor of History at Wayne State University.

ZAK: It's The Best Advice Show. I'm here to help.

KIDADA: My name is Kidada Williams. I am a history professor at Wayne Statue university. I research and specialize in African American history.

ZAK: Kidada is also the host of an important, beautiful new podcast called Seizing Freedom.

KIDADA: If you had asked me 10 years-ago or even 5 years-ago if I had thought I'd hosting a podcast, I would have said, there's no way in hell. No! Even though I like podcasts, right? I'm a historian. This is what historians do! But one of the things that I realized along the way was how much of the history that I produce in conversation with my peers, my fellow historians never makes it down to the public.

ZAK: It was this observation and some unintended circumstances that led to Kidada down this other path.

KIDADA: Figure out how to pursue the work that you love and have a sense of where you want to end up or what your destination is. But be open to paths that you wouldn't expect. I think what you realize is that what's meant for you will find you, right? That sort of saying. And if your plan or your intended destination changes a little bit based upon that detour then that will sort, you know, reshape your future and that doesn't have to be a bad thing. It could actually be really good and promising.

ZAK: And how do you think you stay open to this idea of like, being willing to get side-tracked or just like, reoriented.

KIDADA: I think I stay open by thinking through the possibilities. Thinking through questions about whether or not it's a good fit and trusting my instincts.

ZAK: Yeah, I don't remember who told it to me but it's just like asking yourself...actually actively asking yourself, what's the worst that can happen. The downside of exploring the possibilities is pretty low, right?

KIDADA:I agree but I think that perspective comes with age and personal experience. So, at 20 I might not have taken a risk like, agreeing to do a podcast. Or, I may have seen it as risky. But, coming through, experiencing things, knowing I can always say no. I can change my mind. I can figure out what the stakes are. I can collect enough information has made it easier for me to sort of explore possibilities and see what's a good fit or what's not a good fit.

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May 04, 2021
Paying Your Taxes with Julia Friedman and Arthur Braverman
1:58

ZAK: It's The Best Advice Show and today we're gonna continue our on-going series, Advice from Our Grandparents. If you have some advice from your grandparents, I would love to hear it. Give me a call at 844-935-BEST.

JULIA: My name is Julia and my advice is to never complain about paying taxes. Tax day is nearly upon us so this advice seemed timely. My grandfather, Arthur Braverman, used to have all these saying he would repeat and one of them was, "never complain about paying taxes." The reason behind this counsel is because paying taxes typically means two things. You are living in America or are an American and you likely have a job. Two things to be grateful for and not complain about. Both of my grandfathers were World War II vets and taught us to take great pride in being Americans. It is the land that gave our family opportunity. Also, there are so many people in our country that don't have a job right now and are hurting economically, emotionally or otherwise. They don't have the chance to pay taxes. It is important to not forget about them.

ZAK: Thank you Julia Friedman and thank you, Arthur Braverman. I've got an old picture of Arthur up on our Instagram @BestAdviceShow. He's wearing a great suit. It was a less schlubby time when that picture was taken. Go check it out.

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May 03, 2021
Inventing Cocktails with Kamala Puligandla
4:54

Kamala Puligandla is the author of the novella, You Can Vibe Me On My FemmePhone and writes The Dyke Kitchen Column at Autostraddle.


IMPROVISING SALADS WITH KAMALA PULIGANDLA


TRANSCRIPT:

KAMALA: I'm Kamala Puligandla. I'm a writer.

ZAK: Kamala is a Food Friday returning champion. We last spoke about salad making. Today, we're taking it to cocktails.

ZAK: I like, kind of make an Old Fashioned. I think that's the only cocktail I've ever made. I'm overwhelmed. How can I improve my cocktail confidence?

KAMALA: Ok, so I think that classic cocktails are really delicious and really cool but I don't hold myself to doing them in the classic way. So, I like to borrow flavors from them. Sometimes I'll borrow ratios from them. I'm just really into making my own simple syrups right now that have whatever flavor that I'm into. So, recently, I think it was last weekend, a friend of mine was like, come over and hang out in our backyard and everyone was like, we'll bring our own cocktail so I was like, ooo, I have to bring a good one. So, I had some mezcal and I was like, what are some flavors that I can mix into a syrup that would go with the smokiness of the mezcal and I ended up putting some garam masala into my simple syrup with a cinnamon stick and some cloves and then I mixed that into the mezcal with some grapefruit soda. And that was really, really, really good. It's sort of like a paloma but it's like, I don't know, like a spicy paloma.

ZAK: That sounds really nice. How do you imagine what will work?

KAMALA: So, recently I realized that I thought I didn't like sweet cocktails but that when you add sugar to things it changes the things that everything else tastes. And for awhile, I was trying to resist putting in too much sugar because I have had sickly sweet drinks that I'm not into. But when I'm making my own syrup it helps it marry all the flavors together so that they're a little closer. They don't feel like alcohol, citrus, some other flavor. So that's something that I was like, I should just add syrups to things, But what I'm usually thinking about is like, I have the alcohol taste and I'm trying to figure out what about the alcohol taste I like so that I don't mask it. And then like, what can go with it to sort of enhance that. So with mezcal, I like that it's a little sharp and a little smoky and so I try to add citrus to it. I think citrus helps in every cocktail cause it helps brings the sharpness out and then doesn't overwhelm the smokiness or overwhelm the taste of the alcohol. And then also on something smokey, I was like, what are some other things that I eat that are sort of smokey and I was like, oh, I would put garam masala with chilis which are kind of smokey and I was just like, that sounds good. It sounds earthy and like it would go in the same family as smokey so that's what I was thinking. But then like, sometimes I'll have lighter cocktails. Like if I have gin I like to get a really herbaceous gin and then I don't love floral tastes that much but I do love putting other herbs in there so it's like, I don't know, there's like a rosemary simple syrup that I've made that I like and that sort of brings out the flavors in the gin. Things like that. That's mostly what I'm thinking about. I think it's similar to the salad question. I want something kind of earthy, something kind of bright and then something that's kind of punchy, so like, just pulling those things together and sometimes spicy is a really good addition and sometimes it's totally unnecessary.

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Apr 30, 2021
Structured Walking with Sharon Mashihi
3:40

Audio artist, screenwriter, performer, and story editor Sharon Mashihi is the creator and host of the podcast Appearances from Mermaid Palace and Radiotopia.

Sharon on managing fear and self-doubt, saying yes to your wild ideas, and using rituals to break through creative blocks.

Aaron Finbloom and The School of Making Thinking

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Sharon Mashihi is one of my favorite audio people. One of my favorite artists in general, I'd say. She made this podcast called Appearances, which if you haven't heard yet, just stop this episode and go listen to that. But anyways, I was reading an interview with her on a website called The Creative Independent, and she talked with the interviewer about this thing called, Structured Walks.

SHARON: Alright. It's recording and unfortunately, I'm not able to fully monitor the levels but they look good.

SHARON: You and I would take a walk and we'd time it.

SHARON: I was thinking we could do 25-minutes you and 25-minutes me and then we'll both walk in one direction and we'll both walk back. Does that sound good?

ZAK: Perfect.

SHARON: You know, my friend, Aaron Finbloom, devised this but I always think of Socrates and those dudes. They were walking.

ZAK: So, I'm walking on Belle Isle which I may have mentioned to you before. It's the big, public park in Detroit.

SHARON: Uh huh.

ZAK: So, the concept here is simple. You can try it today with a friend who lives in your town. Or you can do what Sharon and I did and call someone up. You take a walk on your end, like I did in Detroit. And then they'll be wherever they are. Sharon was in New York City when we talked.

SHARON: Go first Zak. I think it should be you. Alarm set.

ZAK: For the first half of the walk I'm talking through this current creative struggle I'm having. I've been mapping out this historical fiction project but I don't know how to start and I'm intimidated.

SHARON: Maybe can you articulate what your hurdle is with fiction?

ZAK: And this is all we're talking about for 25-minutes. My current struggle and then when those 25-minutes are up, we turn the tables and it's Sharon's turn. You can do it for however long you want. I think the important thing is that it's equal amounts of time for both people.

SHARON: What I had in mind to talk to you about. I'll paint the picture. It has to do with work and art and how organize this next chapter of my life. Um...

ZAK: The structured walk is such a simple, effective tool. And it can work for anything. You don't have to be engaged in a creative project for this to work. Maybe you're just having such questions you want to wrestle with about your work life or a relationship.

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Apr 29, 2021
Stop Yucking My Yum with June Thomas
2:57

June Thomas (@junethomas) is one of the hosts of Working, Slate's podcast about the creative process and also the Senior Managing Producer of the Slate podcast network.

PERFECTING EGG SALAD w/Nancy Kaffer

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: So, today's advice, I've usually thought of in relation to food, specifically. But June helped me understand it's much bigger and broader than that.

JUNE: I was walking down 6th Avenue in Park Slope, Brooklyn and I heard these little kids arguing about whether the child had been correctly accused of yucking someone's yum and it struck me that that is a really profound and very correct piece of advice.

ZAK: Yes!

JUNE: Don't step on someone else's pleasure. Don't feel that you have to be scornful of what makes someone else happy. If you don't like it, you don't need to tell them. You don't need to argue about their views on something that they take pleasure in. Like, just let it be. So much of the really advice in life comes from the school-yard and I never heard that on the school yard. That was something I only heard the first time a couple of years ago but it is so right, you know. I have a lot of really weird hobbies...things that I like I know objectively, they're not good, but I love them. And so, selfishly, I don't want anyone yukking my yum. But also, it's something that I really try to keep in mind, like, I'm a very judgmental person. I'm a critic by nature as well as sometimes by profession. But, you know, when you're talking with your friends or just a stranger on the street, like, it's a version I guess of live and let live but also, if somebody is getting pleasure and fun from something and it's not harming anyone, that is the greatest thing in the world.

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Apr 28, 2021
Building for Tomorrow with Jason Feifer
3:55

Jason Feifer (@heyfeifer) is the editor in chief Entrepreneur magazine and hosts Build For Tomorrow. A novel he wrote with his wife, Mr. Nice Guy, is currently being developed for television. 

How are you building for the future? Lemme know at 844-935-BEST.

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Hey, it's The Best Advice Show where everyday, a guest offers one morsel of wisdom.

JASON: My name is Jason Feifer. I am the Editor-in-Chief of Entrepreneur magazine. And I self-describe as the guy that gets you excited about the future. In front of you, in front of me, in front of everybody who's listening to this right now, you have two sets of opportunities. Opportunity Set A and opportunity Set B. Opportunity Set A is everything that is asked of you in your job. Everything that your boss expects. All your KPI's, Key Performance Indicators...all that stuff. Opportunity Set B is everything that is available to you that nobody is asking you to do and I am telling you that Opportunity Set B is more important. It is always more important. I have built my career on Opportunity Set B because if you focus on Opportunity Set A, all you are doing is you are helping yourself be qualified to do the thing that you're already doing. But Opportunity Set B is where real Opportunity happens. That's where growth is. If you want to focus on your future, on improving your career on finding new things that you didn't even think that you would be interested in later on, well then you focus on Opportunity Set B all the time and that doesn't mean that you have to be a bad employee. It just means, in fact, I would say it's quite the opposite. Sometimes if you go out and you focus on Opportunity Set B, you are gonna be building new skills that are ultimately useful for you at your job too. But it's also gonna open up all these other avenues.

ZAK: Do you have a rubric or a filter for figuring out what's A and what's B?

ZAK: It's either, are you expected to do this or are you not. Is somebody measuring you by your performance in this particular area or are they not? You want to find the thing that nobody's asking you to do.

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Apr 27, 2021
Heart Connecting with Joey Soloway
6:38

Joey Soloway is a showrunner, director, writer and creator of Transparent.

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: I love the idea of team-building. But usually in action, team-building activities make me cringe. Maybe you're at a work thing, or a meeting, and you're told to do some ice breaker, or an activity meant to bring the room together. It can be so awkward when there's no buy-in from the participants or feels forced or trite. I think we've all been there. But team-building done right, it can an be incredibly uniting and energizing. That's what today's episode is about. I'm a huge fan of the TV show, Transparent. If you haven't seen it. It's on Amazon. It was created by Joey Soloway.

JOEY: I remember as I was an up-and-coming filmmaker, somebody told me a story about Quentin Tarantino. When he first arrived on the first-day of Reservoir Dogs...I think it was a grip who was there and he said he came outside. They were building a stage there and he came outside and the camera truck had pulled up. They opened the back-doors and they pull out the tailgate and he jumped up on the tailgate and he ran inside and he's like give it to me! Give it to me! Give it to me! And somebody was like, here...And he took the camera on got out on the tailgate and he took the camera like Simba. He was so excited to take the camera and go fill it with images. So that made me never really want to do that but it did make me want to give a speech from a tailgate. And the first day of the second season (of Transparent) was the day that Marriage Equality passed and so then we were just like, the camera truck happened to be there. So I got up there and said something about Marriage Equality and then we just kind of took turns. Different people wanted to get up and say something. And then it became a tradition where every morning we stopped using a tailgate and started using a big apple box and putting it in the center of wherever we were. So all the actors were get ready. They would all have gone through hair and makeup and be ready to shoot. And before we would go to the set, we would all just start going...box, box, box, box, box. And people would start to gather and clap and say box and the whole crew...like every single person would come and stand in the circle around the apple box and people would take turns talking about whatever they were going through. Sometimes it was good stuff like, my kid got a scholarship or sometimes it was like bad stuff like my wife has cancer and it would connect everybody so much. Even if we were wasting time that morning by box going so much longer than anybody planned for or budgeted for or scheduled for, it always made the day go faster cause we all were so heart-connected. And normally the pieces of a machine on a movie, somebody's like, that's not my fault. That's the AD's fault. That's the grip's fault. People were always throwing each other under the bus and then once we started doing box you're not throwing anybody under the bus anymore cause you know there wife has cancer.

ZAK: Yes. So much is happening with box. You're decentralizing the leadership. You're connecting. This is something where you don't have to be making TV shows to practice box. I can do it with my family tomorrow morning. I can do it at work.

JOEY: Totally. And then like prioritizing wasting time which is amazing. And that would be my favorite time where people couldn't really stand it anymore because we were wasting too much time. I truly believe it actually makes a better product. So, when other people were like, we're running out of time, you can be thinking that this time, that nobody thinks we deserve that is past the amount of time that we've all decided was the right amount of time to spend on love is now the most important time. Just to tolerate the emotion of feeling present to one another and the gratitude that we're making art.

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Apr 26, 2021
Shipping Cookies with Darian Muka
4:28

Darian Muka is a baker and marketer in NYC.

Perfecting Chocolate Chip Cookies with Michelle Ganley.

To offer your own FOOD FRIDAY advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: I hope your week has been above average, and I hope it gets better with today's Food Friday advice.

DARIAN: I'm Darian Yuca. I'm a slightly above average baker.

ZAK: Granted, I haven't eaten Darian's baked goods, but calling herself a slightly above average baker has got to be a gross understatement. She told me she has 12 kinds of flour in her cabinet!

DARIAN: Well, I don't eat a lot of my own baked goods. I'm not really a sweet person. I really like making them. That's probably why I make a lot of bread. And also my partner has like really bad teeth. So he doesn't like sugar. So we don't really eat a lot of this stuff I bake. So anybody that will take it, I will either send it or walk it to that person.

ZAK: And that's what we're here to talk about today. One of the ways in which Darien preps her care packages.

DARIAN: Yeah. So anything that's like super soft, um, will harden with air. So when you're shipping it, you want to have something that will release moisture in order to keep the cookie moist. So I put slices of apple inside anything with soft cookies. Um, the apples look absolutely disgusting when they get to the person, but the cookies are really soft. So, um, the apples will like, yeah, they'll shrivel up and your cookies will stay nice and moist. So you have to like warn someone. Cause it's not fun to get like a shriveled apple as like here, I bought you some cookies, but yeah, the, the cookies take away the moisture from the apple. That's like slowly releasing. So they stayed nice and moist, I've done it over like a three to four day shipping period. So it's like, it stays good for a while.

ZAK: First of all, it's very nice of the apples they're giving their life to these cookies. But so, so your cookies are in the same bag as the slices?

DARIAN: Yeah. You have to put them like directly in the box. Try not to have them touch the cookie because then that part of the cookie will get really moist, like kind of wet. So you want it to like be in the box, but try to like move them to the sides so that they're sharing the same air, but they're not actually touching the cookies. Actually. You couldn't do that like normal in your house too. If you want to keep cookie soft and they're out and they're already baked, just drop, um, Apple slices in, they sell like, um, little discs that are, I don't think they're terracotta, but they're usually used to make Brown sugar moist so that doesn't harden over time. Those work the same. They're a little disk that you can buy, but if you're not trying to buy anything, Apple slices are the exact same thing.

ZAK: And the cookies won't take on any of the apple properties?

DARIAN: Nope. Um, I'm trying to think if there's like, I'm sure you could do this with another fruit. If someone was allergic to apple and have to have the same, like texture and moisture levels and apples. So I would try like a pear. I'm trying to think if there's...the only thing that's coming to my brain, that would be the same, like consistency.

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Apr 23, 2021
Making Your Needs Known with Beth Pickens
2:55

Beth Pickens is a Los Angeles-based consultant for artists and arts organizations and the author of Make Your Art No Matter What: Moving Beyond Creative Hurdles (Chronicle Books, 2021) and Your Art Will Save Your Life (Feminist Press, 2018). 

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Just saying the word...need, gives makes me hesitate a bit. Instead of coming out and telling someone, I need your help, I usually modify to, I could use your help. But, thanks to today's guest, Beth Pickens, I'm working on being more forthcoming with my needs.

BETH: I think we have to always tell people everything that we need because we all float around we're just little children masquerading as adults...just assuming that nobody needs anything and we're the only ones with needs and we have to get rid of those needs or diminish them. But we all need emotional support.

ZAK: What's a way that we can practice giving and asking for help?

BETH: I like to do everything starting with a quantity. Just quantifying it. A goal of, I'm gonna ask for three things this week that are directly related to my creative practice. And here's what those needs are gonna be and here are some appropriate people I think I could ask. And I'm just gonna practice on the asking. I have no control over the outcome. Then I'm gonna avail myself three times to people. Maybe I'm asked for something or maybe I offer something or I connect with another artist friend and say, this is the kind of help I need right now. What kind of help do you need right now? Let's help each other find it.

ZAK: And not necessarily a one-to-one where the help you're offering you're getting back from the same person?

BETH: Right. Cause maybe the things you ask for maybe you don't know how to give or you don't have that resource to give. Or maybe the person you're asking for something from, they have a different thing to reciprocate with. Cause we all have different things to offer. Some are universal but many are very different. And we always have to identify, who do we ask...How do we match the ask, the request to somebody's who's appropriate. Rather than I'm gonna try to ask this person for emotional support who I know cannot or will not give it. But if I try hard enough, I can prove that I won by going to the hardware store for a gallon milk. They don't have it to give. So we have to think about who are we going to for which things and one person cannot meet every need which is the fallacy of marriage and modernity.

ZAK: Totally. It's kind of like a creativity time-bank you're describing.

BETH: Yeah, very much so.

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Apr 22, 2021
Re-Entering a Project with Beth Pickens
4:47

Beth Pickens is a Los Angeles-based consultant for artists and arts organizations and the author of Make Your Art No Matter What: Moving Beyond Creative Hurdles (Chronicle Books, 2021) and Your Art Will Save Your Life (Feminist Press, 2018). 

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: I love a specialist. That's how I'd describe Beth Pickens.

BETH: So, I essentially counsel artists. I went to school to be a therapist. I only work with artists and I've been talking recently with artists about how to re-enter a project or something that you have been avoiding for a long time. And you have a lot of fear about. It's a thing that comes up for artists when somebody has like a durational project, a book or an album, or some big thing that they're doing. Sometimes, you know, after the honeymoon phase wears off, it can be hard to sustain that marathon nature to keep going through it. Especially if you don't have somebody waiting for it, if you don't have a deadline or accountability. Um, and so, what will happen is a person maybe will retreat from the long durational project. And then it will start to build into something in their mind that they become afraid of, but they can't get back to, and it becomes this big mental block about, I want to finish that. I'm afraid of it. I don't know how. It's impossible. It becomes this sort of cycle of self-defeat. And so I will often work with clients to help them re-enter, kind of tiptoe back into the water of a big project that they've lost the honeymoon limerence feelings for, but they really are committed to.

ZAK: How do you tip toe back?

BETH: We start really simple. You start with just like 15, 20 minutes. Just planning to be in the project for 15 or 20 minutes. And I'll often recommend that people actually just kind of go into the world they're creating and turn the lights on. So if it's a manuscript, for example, or if it's a body of music to go first and just inhabit it, read everything they have. listen to everything that they have and do that about four or five times, just for 15 minute increments, maybe once a week, maybe a few times a week, to first just to re-inhabit the universe and let it come alive in your subconscious. Because so often for a big project, the solutions that artists come up with happen when they're not sitting in front of the computer, when they're in the midst of it, it's like when they're on a walk, when they're washing the dishes, when they're doing something else, they can have an idea of, this is where I can go next. Not necessarily a breakthrough, it doesn't have to be that big, but it can be just an indication of this is a next step. So we start with really tiny increments and then celebrating that as an achievement, like telling an artist friend right before you do it and then telling them right after you do it and celebrating, just re-entering, tip-toeing back into the water. And that sort of breaks the myth that seal of I can't do it. It's impossible. There's no way back in. It's just by slowly reentering and not doing it with a ton of pressure that I have to go in and finish it or figure it out. Cause I think that's not realistic. And it's a mean thing to expect of oneself.

ZAK: Yeah. I love this two-part process.

BETH: Oh yeah. Having somebody outside be like that big congratulations. You can do it again, but for today you're done. You don't have to do that again today.


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Apr 21, 2021
Quit Future-Tripping with Stephanie Wittels Wachs and (Harris Wittlels)
5:00

Stephanie Wittels Wachs is the co-founder of Lemonada Media, host of Last Day and author of best-selling memoir Everything Is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love, and Loss.


Harris Wittels (April 20, 1984 – February 19, 2015) was an American comedian, writer and podcast. His book is Humblebrag: The Art of False Modesty.


TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Whoa, I just realized this. Today is the one -year anniversary of The Best Advice Show. We are more than 250 episodes in. Here's to another at least 250. In honor of this one-year celebration I would love to your advice. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. Ok, lets get to today's show.

I never met Harris Wittels but in my mind, we were dear friends. I get the feeling he had the effect on people. Even if you've never heard his name before, you've you've probably laughed at Harris' jokes. He was a writer on Parks and Rec. and the Sarah Silverman Program, Master of None and Eastbound and Down. He also hosted one of my all time favorite podcasts, Analyze Phish, in which harris, who loved Phish more than most things, spends hours and hours trying to get his co-host, Scott Aukerman, to like Phish too. The band Phish I'm talking about. Harris also invented a word. Before harris, we didn't have a word for an ostensibly modest or self-deprecating statement whose actual purpose is to draw attention to something of which one is proud. Yes, the humblebrag. We have harris to thank for that. 

Today is 4-20. Harris' birthday. Harris Wittels was born on 4-20. That this is a fact makes the world worth living. Harris died in February of 2015 when he was just 30. 

Since that time, Harris' sister, Stephanie, has flown her younger brothers flag. In the wake of his overdose, she started a podcast, Last Day in his honor and subsequently she co-founded a media company called Lemonada which recons with the messy, ugly, hilarious, painful parts of living so very well. And so, today, on Harris' bday, I'm here to talk to Stephanie about just one of the many pieces of advice Harris left us. 

STEPHANIE: He used to say quit future-tripping. And one of our dear friends from high school got that tattooed on his arm. And its become this kind of mantra for a bunch of very high strung, anxious, neurotic people. And I think what it means is that very cliched, like, live in the moment and you can't control what happens tomorrow. So I love that advice and I have internalized and tried to abide by that as much as possible. There's been a lot of things that have happened to me in the past 5 years, 6 years that, you know, pre-COVID, that would have caused me to future-trip...have caused me to future-trip.

ZAK: What does your future-tripping look like?

STEPHANIE: Oh, it's movies in mind. I direct them. Star in them. Produce them. Sound-design them. Edit them. They are sprawling. There are multiple sequels and I can just really get caught up in anxiety. I have very intense anxiety. I'm medicated for it. God bless medication. But, I can seriously spiral out on if this, then this and it's not real. It's not steeped in reality. It's steeped in my version of reality. It's steeped in a lot of fear and for me fear is about everything that we can't control. Everything that's unknown. And the thing about life is, it's all unknown! It is all unknown. I am talking to you right now...in five minutes, I have no idea what's gonna happen. I can predict based on prior experience living my life everyday but I truly do not know. So, that's what it looks like for me.

ZAK: Next time you're getting ahead of yourself. Directing movies in your mind. Just think of Harris and his advice. Quit future-trippin'. If you don't know Harris' work, give him a Goog. He was one of the greats. You can listen to Stephanie's podcast, Last Day, wherever you hear The Best Advice Show. Thanks, Stephanie.

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Apr 20, 2021
Getting Vaccinated with Ken Haddad
3:40

Ken Haddad (@KenHaddad) is the digital content manager at @Local4News in Detroit.

LIVE BLOG: Tracking COVID-19 vaccines in Michigan: New openings, clinics, appointments

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: It's The Best Advice Show where everyday a different guest shares one piece of advice.

KEN: I'm Ken Haddad. I'm the digital content manager at ClickOn Detroit and Local 4 and I've been helping people find vaccine appointments in the state of Michigan. After getting a ton of emails from viewers about having trouble finding appointments, I started a live blog and I started live Tweeting any appointments I could find. Any walk-in clinics popping up around the state of Michigan. So basically, what I've been doing is combing through county health department sites, through pharmacy scheduling sites, through community organizations, calling around to pharmacies and just finding out just where appointments are available and offering that information in real time.

KEN: My top tip for finding vaccines is to not wait around. There are a lot of waitlists right now. Especially in Michigan and I've heard it's like this in other states as well. Big wait lists at the bigger pharmacies or the country health departments have a giant wait list for all of their residents and people are frustrated with that but there are a lot of other options that you can take upon yourself. Call an independent pharmacy near your house. Call a community health organization that's near your house. There are a lot of places that have vaccine supply but they don't have the platform or the marketing to tell people about it. So that's what I'm finding right now. There's a lot of people waiting 2, 3, 4 weeks for an appointment with the health department. They could have gotten a vaccine around the block from their house yesterday. And then, check with community organizations, like even churches. There are so many clinics happening at churches right now in neighborhoods. Again, they just don't have the platform to get the word out. But if you check with them, just give them a call. They may even refer you to a different church. There's a huge network of that happening right now.

ZAK: If people want to find you, what's the best way to do that?

ZAK: I have a live blog on ClickOnDetriot.Com or you can follow me on Twitter @KenHaddad and I'm live tweeting anything that comes across my radar pretty much all day and all night. I do sleep during the early morning hours but there will be information there 7 days a week as long as we need to keep giving that information

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Apr 19, 2021
Perfecting Egg Salad with Nancy Kaffer
4:24

Nancy Kaffer is a columnist and member of the Detroit Free Press Editorial Board.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

NANCY: I'm a life-long fan of egg salad and I've often thought about how to improve my egg salad. This is slightly controversial. I make my egg salad while the eggs are still warm and everyone I've ever said this to thought it was disgusting and then as soon as they ate it they've been a convert to the warm egg salad theory. So, the way I've started making egg salad is put the eggs in the cold water, turn the burner on high for 15-minutes and then boom the perfect hard-boiled eggs every-time. No lid. Run cold water over them. Peel them. Smush them up with some mayonnaise. Salt, pepper and cayenne and then here's the secret. Toast a piece of bread. Cut a clove of garlic in half. Rub the garlic all over the toasted bread. Put the egg salad on the bread. Eat it as an open-faced sandwich. You will not regret it. It is the perfect egg salad sandwich.

ZAK: Raw garlic?

NANCY: Raw garlic rubbed all over the toast. It turns the bread yellow-y and then spread your egg salad on there.

ZAK: What kind of bread?

NANCY: Just white bread. I mean, I guess you could it with...I like a multigrain but for this the texture and flavor a multigrain would over-power the garlic rubbing. Just a nice, white bread, though. Like your Pepperidge Farm or your Sara Lee or your Avalon, your Whole Foods store brand. You don't want your Wonderbread.

ZAK: Set the scene for how you're eating this. Are you standing by the sink? Are you sitting down with napkin and plate?

NANCY: I normally sit down. I have a thing for decorative napkins. I'm sitting down with an attractive napkin, little glass of iced tea and a book and I cut it in half and eat it by myself. I don't want to be eating my egg salad with anybody else. I want it to be a private experience with me and my book. I love to read while I eat. Egg salad. Book. Iced tea. Garlic rubbed toast.

ZAK: Do you want to hear about my ancestral egg salad?

NANCY: Yes. I do. I always want to hear about egg salad.

ZAK: It's actually not mine. It's my wife's family's. This is why I married her cause I tasted her family's egg salad. We have it on Shabbat on Friday night. And this comes from her grandma. She's from Poland and it's mayo-less...but wait. There's no mayo but wait. Hard-boiled eggs and then cut em up with grated radishes, diced white onion and diced, peeled cucumber and salt and vegetable oil.

NANCY: Wow.

ZAK: We never eat it as a sandwich. You know, we eat it with, like a piece of challah, maybe shovel some on the top of it but we're eating it with a fork as an appetizer on Friday nights and it's fab.

NANCY: I can see that that would be delicious. If you were in the mood for egg salad, that might not quite scratch that itch.

ZAK: It's a different kind of egg salad.

NANCY: It's surprising how controversial egg salad is. People really have deeply held opinions.

ZAK: Well, cause it smells farts. I think that's why people are afraid to admit they like or afraid to eat it in-front of other people like you mentioned.

NANCY: I'm not afraid to. It's my oasis.

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Apr 16, 2021
Letting Go with Gary Macko
2:31

Gary Macko is a husband and father living in Michigan.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: When Gary was a young dad, his son loved playing pots and pans. Everyday, he would take them out, make a big pile, make a mess. And then Gary would come in and clean it up.

GARY: I can't tell you how many times my wife would look at me and laugh because of watching me put the pans and pots away every single night.

ZAK: So your wife understood that it was a kind of fool's errand but you didn't? Is that what you're saying?

GARY: Yeah. Yeah. I mean she had certainly some type of EQ that gave her the ability to step back and realize that, you know, this kid is just having a good time and let him be.

ZAK: And how long did it take you to learn that lesson?

GARY: At least 45-days of solid banging my head into the wall.

ZAK: Yeah.

GARY: And then when that moment came of like, I'm not gonna do this anymore and it's perfectly fine. It was the most amazing revelation. Get out of the way. Let go and enjoy your life. It's tough to be a perfectionist in a world in which we live in. I mean, you might be able to keep that quest for perfection at some level and be able to modestly chase it. But when you put kids into your world that chase or that desired outcome, it doesn't seem to be achievable anymore. Hi, my name is Gary Macko and I'm a husband and a father of three boys.

ZAK: I love this story because Gary pinpoint the moment where he internalized that lesson. Let go. You can't control everything. Perfection doesn't exist. Have you internalized that realization? If so, how'd you do it? Lemme know at BestAdvice.Show.

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Apr 15, 2021
Morning Routines with Steven Handel
3:54

Steven Handel is a published author, coach, and creator at The Emotion Machine, a website dedicated to all aspects of psychology and self improvement in the 21st century.

Investigating Your Shame with Heather Radke

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: I don't really have a morning routine. I would love to, but I feel like I'm constantly in reaction mode, just basically responding to what the kids need...breakfast, clothes, but still I love hearing about your routines and I'm thinking about the day when I can finally start my own.

STEVEN: My name is Steven Handel. I have a psychology and self-improvement website called The Emotion Machine.

ZAK: Not surprisingly, Steven has a very intentional morning routine that we're gonna hear about.

STEVEN: Reflect on a strength. Reframe a negative thought. Think about one thing you're grateful for. I do that every morning. Those are my three tiny, mental habits I do every morning. And it's a little thing but you have to put in that work everyday, even if it's just 5-10 minutes. It is effort.

ZAK: Ok, so you wake up and then take me through how move through those three things.

STEVEN: Uh, it's not the first thing I do when I wake up. Usually walk the dog first and have coffee and shit like that but when I'm...like I'm taking a moment before I check my e-mails. It's literally on my to-do list on my daily check-list, I have, reflect on one strength. And I try to choose something different everyday to remind myself of all my strengths or maybe if something really good happened yesterday, I'll be like, oh, that strength really shined through yesterday.

ZAK: What was today's?

STEVEN: Today I said consistency and the fact that I put in the small steps everyday which is a strength I think about a lot but I think it's a really important strength for sure. And then, find one thing to be grateful for. It could be anything. It could be a good meal I had yesterday or a new opportunity I came across or a new person I met. One thing to be grateful for. And then re-frame one negative thought. So, I have to first think about a negative thought thats been buzzing in my mind and try to re-frame into something more positive or more constructive.

ZAK: And all three of those things you put on your to-do list.

STEVEN: Yeah. I actually have a fourth one too which is appreciate one thing in nature.

ZAK: Like, appreciate it theoretically or go out and find the bird?

STEVEN: Something I experience. And I don't really have to go seek it. It's usually if I'm just outside and I see something interesting. There's a lot of interesting wildlife in Florida, especially compared to the suburbs of New York. I see crazy birds all the time. And honestly, my thing a lot of the time is enjoying sitting in the sun.

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Apr 14, 2021
Flying Solo with Jenae America
5:09

Jenae America is a storyteller, photographer and pulp fiction writer.

TRANSCRIPT:

JENAE: My name is Jenae America and I'm a storyteller, photographer, pulp fiction writer and a badass woman. Being single was something that I was scared of. I was raised in a house of loving parents. Four brothers and sisters. And as I got older I realized that I put so much pressure on myself...I put a lot of pressure on my young, little, tender heart. I didn't know anything. I witnessed my parents marriage and their arguments and I'm studying about what it's like to be with a companion and so on and so forth and I just found myself being drained and disappointed.

ZAK: About what?

JENAE: I was drained and disappointed about the relationships I pursued. I was drained and disappointed about people and how they act and how they have the free will to do anything even if you give them your very best. And it just made me feel like I'm unlovable and it's not a pretty site. Especially as a woman because you don't want to be looked at as desperate. You want to look at yourself as confident and cool and calm in any state. And I've witnessed woman who are married who I could just tell, they have a calm about them but it wasn't because of the marriage. It was because of them and they had somebody else come into their life.

ZAK: So, what changed?

JENAE: What changed was, it was the summer of 2020 and I remember that I'm thinking about my last relationship. It ended just before COVID hit. It was only 4-months with a young guy. He didn't know what he wanted and obviously was using me and I tried so hard to keep him and I remember just thinking about it and then I basically announced to myself I'm gonna stay single and I felt like this spiritual feeling of somebody taking something off of my shoulders. It was almost like a heavy coat and somebody just took it off. And I was like, I feel lighter and I had the courage to pursue that idea to the point that every time I scrolled through social media and there's something about relationships I was able to look past them and be like, that doesn't interest me anymore. Now, I'm not gonna say it wasn't a mental battle but it gave me the strength and courage to not look to others to feel fulfilled but look to myself and my morals and yeah, that's it and accept everything about it. I got more concerned about doing things for me and not for other reasons that had nothing to do with me. I changed my perspective. Basically being single means testing the love you have for yourself and being single is not easy because you feel lonely, you feel you can't do nothing with the urges so the fact that if you're going to a place by yourself you don't have anybody watching your back because that's a benefit as well but it's testing the love you have for yourself because the benefits of being single was, I ended up becoming strong, sharp, interesting and unique. I ended up being pretty dynamic because of how much I've widened my world in being single. Enjoy being single because you deserve to get to know you and love you first.

ZAK: That's so beautiful. Like, are you open to being in a relationship if you meet the right person?

JENAE: Right now I'm casually dating. I'm enjoying the person's company and getting to know them and I believe if it's meant for me to say, hey, I want to move forward. Well, it takes two to tango and if the person doesn't say anything, I'll be like, well, back to dating me again. And that's easier said than done but I can definitely say it's liberating. It's very liberating.

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Apr 13, 2021
Seeking Salt Water with Meiko Krishok
3:42

Meiko Krishok is the founder and co-operator of Guerrilla Food (GF), a Detroit-based grassroots culinary team that uses food as medicine. GF is the team behind the  Pink Flamingo To Go farm-to-table carry-out restaurant in the Palmer Park neighborhood in Detroit and Pink Flamingo popular seasonal vintage food trailer that is located in a community garden in Corktown, Detroit.

Meiko was last on the show talking about the ease and joy of growing garlic.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: There was a Danish author named Karen Blixon writing at the beginning the 20th century. One of her pen names was Isak Denesen. And it's Denisen who the following quote is attributed to. The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea. My guest today, Meiko Krishok, who's been on the show before has been thinking about this piece of advice a lot lately. 

MEIKO: To me all those things work in different contexts. So, like, sweat is sort of an easy one. It's like, movement or physical activity and the actual expelling of energy. Right? And how relieving it can be to go for a walk or a run or work in the garden. And then tears is another obvious one. It's sort of about that release emotion, whether it's happiness or sadness.

ZAK: What makes you cry?

MEIKO: Movies. Every now and again I'll read something and it'll make me cry. You know how some people are like, oh I cry all the time. At this point in my life I don't cry all the time. And then the sea. I do feel like there's something especially therapeutic about the ocean. I don't know if it's chemically what's going in salt water. You can float more in salt water than fresh water. And the waves. '

ZAK: Yeah, I can't wait to go to the ocean again.

MEIKO: I've been trying to take Epsom salt baths.

ZAK: That's a good home hack!

MEIKO: Is it a good home hack but it's not the same. It's not the ocean. You don't get the power with it. But you do get some benefit.

ZAK: Maybe you have to cry in the Epson salt bath.

MEIKO: hahahah

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Apr 12, 2021
Bystander Intervention Training with Dax Valdes - PART 5 (Direct)
4:58

Dax Valdes is a senior trainer at Hollaback.

SIGN UP FOR The 5 D's of BYSTANDER INTERVENTION TRAINING

GET TRAINED IN BYSTANDER INTERVENTION by Hollaback in collaboration with ASIAN AMERICANS ADVANCING JUSTICE.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

ZAK: Thanks for listening to The Best Advice Show. This is part 5 of our week-long series on Bystander Intervention training. With the help of Dax Valdes from Hollaback, we've been going through the 5 D's of Bystander Intervention.

DAX: Distract. Delay. Delegate. Document. Direct.

ZAK: Five actionable steps we can take out in the world if and when we see someone being harassed. And it's this final D, direct, that seems the most daunting.

DAX: So, direct is this is one that everyone thinks about when they think about bystander intervention. You are setting the boundary about what you want the person to do. Hey, stop talking to her that way. That's not cool. And then, that engagement is over and then you turn and you focus on the person who is experiencing that conflict and then you get them out of there. Get them to where they need to feel safe. So, if it's something that's happening on the street, hey man. Why don't you back off and stop saying things to her. And then I would turn to the woman and say, hey, let's get out of here. Let's go for a few blocks and make sure you are all taken care of. And direct can get tricky because the person that is doing the conflict would probably want to get into a back-and-forth with you and it's gonna take all of our will power not to shoot back with the thing that's gonna be the most explosive to meet their energy.

ZAK: Direct in particular seems like a real delicate dance because like you say, you're not being combative but you're being resistant in a way. You're being calm but you're also being assertive. This is a challenging one, I think.

DAX: Yeah, that does take a lot of practice. Cause, a lot of folks might not feel that comfortable being that direct but, again, if they see somebody doing it in a way that is, oh, I think I could do it. And so maybe it's not the next time they see an incident of harassment happening but maybe the time after that. Seeing two instances, it's like, ok, I can do this. I know what to say and I feel confident enough to do so. And even if it does not go the way that you might originally plan, you have 4 of the other strategies to rely on so maybe direct didn't work and it is something like, delegate, asking somebody else to help you in that instance. Maybe it is somebody who is physically bigger nearby. Hey, can you come here and just help me out here. This guy is yelling at this woman and you look you could, squash him.

ZAK: Yeah, you said to do this well it's gonna take some practice. So are you suggesting that there's a way to practice this stuff outside of the loaded situations?

DAX: You know, sometimes you're sitting at home, thinking about what you would do in this particular instance if you saw this conflict happening but knowing what these strategies are and reading other people's stories about what happened and what you could have done or thinking about like, oh yeah, I could have done it this way. I could have done it that way is a start for that. But, again, the action doesn't have to be incredibly huge. A small gesture goes a long way. Are you ok? What do you need from me in this moment? How can I support you?

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Apr 09, 2021
Bystander Intervention Training with Dax Valdes - PART 4 (Document)
4:22

Dax Valdes is a senior trainer at Hollaback.

SIGN UP FOR The 5 D's of BYSTANDER INTERVENTION TRAINING

GET TRAINED IN BYSTANDER INTERVENTION by Hollaback in collaboration with ASIAN AMERICANS ADVANCING JUSTICE.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: In the last year, anti-Asian and xenophobic hate has skyrockets all over this country. And of course, street harassment has been endured by humans since the beginning of streets. But the organization, Hollaback, wants us to know that we aren't powerless...that we can do things as random people on the street when we witness harassment.

DAX: My name is Dax Valdes. I am a Senior Trainer at Hollaback and I'm based in the traditional land of the Lenape in New York City. I'm originally from San Fransisco and I have the privilege of doing this work with Hollaback and uplifting these trainings for my Asian community.

ZAK: All week I've been going over Hollaback's 5 D's of Bystander Intervention training. Distract. Delay. Delegate. Direct. And today's D...

ZAK: Tell me about document.

DAX: So, you're creating documentation of the incident so this is something that you can do with your phone. So you can take a photo or a video. We're all glued to our little rectangles and so you can hold your phone sideways and record what's going. It's Monday, March 22nd. It's 3:30 and this woman is yelling at this guy and his two kids and where you are...I'm standing on 59th and Broadway in broad daylight and it's happening right there. And what we recommend that you do is you should give that footage to the person that was experiencing harassment so they can decide what to do with it because we don't want to blast that footage on our socials without them knowing because then we're just essentially replaying someone's trauma over and over again.

ZAK: Yeah, I could see someone's instinct to go on Facebook or Instagram Live during that situation, but that's not what you recommend.

DAX: It's gonna work differently for everybody but if it is particularly traumatic for that individual, having that footage can be really helpful in showing what harassment looks like for them and maybe at large as part of their community and they have agency on how they're sharing so they can share it on their socials or with their family and friends that this is what this looks like.

ZAK: And so it's like going up to them after and being like, do you want me to email this to you?

DAX: Yeah. I saw what happened. And it's like a combination of Delay afterwards. I saw that. That wasn't cool. I'm sorry that happened. I took this footage so if you want to report this or whatever you need...This is for you. And again, showing that they're not alone and that people are looking after them or people are looking out for each other.

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Apr 08, 2021
Bystander Intervention Training with Dax Valdes - PART 3 (Delegate)
3:55

(Warning. Today's episode contains a news clip which describes a disturbing hate crime that recently took place).

Dax Valdes is a senior trainer at Hollaback.

SIGN UP FOR The 5 D's of BYSTANDER INTERVENTION TRAINING

GET TRAINED IN BYSTANDER INTERVENTION by Hollaback in collaboration with ASIAN AMERICANS ADVANCING JUSTICE.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Warning. Today's episode contains a news clip which describes a disturbing hate crime that recently took place. It's The Best Advice Show where everyday I share one piece of advice. Something that hopefully you can try at home. All week I'm featuring Dax Valdes. He's a trainer with the group, Hollaback and their mission is to end harassment in all forms. So, this week we're going over the 5 D's of Bystander Intervention Training. We're learning about what we can do if and when we see someone getting harassed. The first D we learned on Monday in Part 1, Distract. Yesterday was Part 2 when we learned, Delay. And today, Part 3...Delegate.

ZAK: Can you just set-up a scenario?

DAX: One of the attacks that happened in Queens where a man pushed a woman over.

NEWS CLIP: Police in Queens arrested a man accused of shoving an Asian woman to the ground. 47 year-old, Patrick Mateo is charged with assault and intent to cause physical injury and harassment. On Tuesday, the 52 year-old woman was outside a bakery on Roosevelt Ave. in Flushing when the suspect had gotten into an argument with her and then pushed her. Her head hit the metal newspaper stand. She needed ten stitches. The attack is the latest in a spike of unprovoked attacks against Asian-Americans.

DAX: If you happened to be there in that scenario, one of the things that you could have done is, hey, go and tell someone and say, can you go check on her, see if she's ok. I'm gonna try to get help. Or, I'm gonna check on her. I'm gonna see if she's ok. Can you go into the store and ask the store manager to call the police or can you ask them for a band-aid cause not everybody will have gone through a Bystander Intervention training and people want to help usually, but they just don't know what to do. So, we gotta tell them. Hey, back up. That guy is harassing that woman. I'm gonna see if I can go intervene.

ZAK: And one thing that you're not saying is like, in this delegation one is like, you go and pin the aggressors down. That's now part of this.

DAX: No. you don't know what the other person might be capable of. If we're meeting violence with violence, physically or verbally...If we get caught up in that then we are not doing the best job that we can do as a bystander to help take care of the person in conflict. Cause it's not about us or even them in that moment. It's about the person who's experiencing that disrespect.

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Apr 07, 2021
Bystander Intervention Training with Dax Valdes - PART 2 (Delay)
4:51

Dax Valdes is a senior trainer at Hollaback.

SIGN UP FOR The 5 D's of BYSTANDER INTERVENTION TRAINING

GET TRAINED IN BYSTANDER INTERVENTION by Hollaback in collaboration with ASIAN AMERICANS ADVANCING JUSTICE.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Hello. Thanks for listening. This is the show where everyday I give you a little morsel of wisdom that you can try. Sometimes immediately. This wee on the show, I'm doing something a little different in that I'm featuring the same guest everyday. I'm talking to Dax Valdes a trainer from an organization called Hollaback.

DAX: Hollaback is an organization that was founded in 2005 by a group of friends and there mission is to end harassment in all its forms so they started this as a blog post and they were collecting stories of harassment and they read those stories and they started to notice that the only thing good thing that ever happened to people who experienced harassment was when somebody intervened on their behalf to help them out.

ZAK: Dax is here to teach us about what we can do as bystanders when we see someone getting harassed.

DAX: These tools, these strategies, these methods are for anybody experiencing or sees an instance of harassment. But the lens is hyper-focused right now, so...we're focused on the AAPI experience.

ZAK: The group Stop AAPI hate just put out a report where they counted 3800 incidents of Anti-Asian harassment since March of last year. Yesterday, In part 1, Dax taught us about the distract method of Bystander Intervention. It's one of the 5 D's that Hollaback trains people in. Today, the second of the 5 D's. Delay. So, imagine this...

DAX: Somebody driving by in a car and yelling a racial slur and everybody's shell-shocked, like, did that just happen? Another tactic is delay. After the incident is over, you check in with the person who's been harassed. Even, I saw that. That wasn't cool. Are you ok..? can make a huge difference.

ZAK: Why is that delay?

DAX: Because you're waiting until the harassment is over and those moments of harassment happen so quickly sometimes that it's all you can do is delay and just check in with them.

ZAK: So you're kind of going and validating this thing that just happened. You're not pretending it didn't happen and you're making sure the victim is ok. Interesting. So, what else can you say to a complete stranger who you've just witnessed be harassed.

DAX: Acknowledging what happened and making an offer how you can support them in the moment is great. Hey, do you want me to wait with you until your friend comes to get you. Do you want me to go with you and talk to a store manager or wherever it happened. In some cases, it's like, do you want to go report this or do you need help reporting this? Depending on what the person needs at that moment. So, being able to take care of them and make them feel supported in something that is super scary for them is a small action that goes a long way.

ZAK: Thanks you Dax Valdes. Dax is from Hollaback. If you want to get trained in their 5 D's of bystander Intervention, you should! You can sign up at their website. It's free. It will take about an hour. It builds on the stuff that Dax and I have been talking about on the show. I've put a link in the show notes. Hollaback is doing these trainings in collaboration with Asian Americans Advancing Justice.

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Apr 06, 2021
Bystander Intervention Training with Dax Valdes - PART 1 (Distract)
6:48

Dax Valdes is a senior trainer at Hollaback.

The 5 D's of BYSTANDER INTERVENTION TRAINING

GET TRAINED IN BYSTANDER INTERVENTION by Hollaback in collaboration with ASIAN AMERICANS ADVANCING JUSTICE.

New York police have arrested a man who viciously attacked a 65-year-old Filipino woman near Times Square as she was walking to church on Monday

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Today's episode contains graphic and disturbing descriptions of a recent hate-crime that was caught on video. I'm not gonna play a video but you will hear me listen to it. If you want to see it, I linked to it in our show notes. And if you don't want to see it or hear the descriptions, skip this episode.

AMY GOODMAN, DEMOCRACY NOW excerpt:

ZAK: (Watching recent attack on 65 year-old woman in NYC). Oh my God. Oh my God.

AMY GOODMAN, DEMOCRACY NOW excerpt: New York police have arrested a man who viciously attacked a 65-year-old Filipino woman near Times Square...

ZAK: That's one of the things that makes this video even more disturbing. But it's to watch these guys, apparently, they're security guards, literally close the door on this woman. I don't know what could have been done. The attacker is really violent. Really fast. But, depending on the situation. Depending on how physically violent it is, there are several things we can do as bystanders.

DAX: Hollaback is an organization that was founded in 2005 by a group of friends and there mission is to end harassment in all its forms so they started this as a blog post and they were collecting stories of harassment and they read those stories and they started to notice that the only thing good thing that ever happened to people who experienced harassment was when somebody intervened on their behalf to help them out.

ZAK: All week on the show, we're gonna learn the 5 D's of bystander intervention from Hollaback.

DAX: Distract. Delegage. Document Delay. Direct.

ZAK: Five actionable steps that we can take to help out the person who's being harassed.

DAX: Not necessarily dealing with the person doing the harassing but taking care of the person in conflict. At the start of quarantine last year, there was an uptick in reported crimes towards Asian-Americans and a lot of these incidents go unreported for any number of reason.

ZAK: But a lot of these incidents are reported. The group Stop AAPI hate just put out a report where they counted 3800 incidents of Anti-Asian harassment since March of last year. Most of these attacks aren't physically violent. 70% are acts of verbal abuse and harassment. Alright, so what can we do? When we talk bystander intervention training, the first to think about, says Dax...

DAX: You gotta just trust yourself. If you feel comfortable stepping in. Great. You should do it. And it's always a judgement call and it's always a brave thing to do. If you're seeing something that's erupting into physical violence, you have to prioritize your safety. But if it's something like...

ZAK: You see two people on the sidewalk and they don't appear to know each other. And one of them is verbally attacking the other. What do you do?

DAX: You can drop something. Accidentally spill your drink in-front of somebody. Oh, I'm so sorry.

ZAK: Distract.

DAX: If you see somebody in conflict, you could walk up to them and say, I'm sorry I'm late. Who's this? Well, we gotta go. Thanks. Even if you don't know them. Or, don't I know you from somewhere or could you give me directions. If you're starting a conversation with the person who's in conflict, you don't have to talk about refer to what you just saw or what's going on with the person who's doing the harassing. Just keep it cool. Talk about something unrelated and hopefully the person who is doing the harassing is starved of attention and they exit the scene. It might not always work that way but you're doing that, other people are seeing this and thinking, oh, yeah. That's something I can do.

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Apr 05, 2021
Urban Foraging with Jean Wilson
6:34

Jean Wilson is an artist, farmer and urban forager in Detroit.

ZAK: Today on The Best Advice Show, I'm dipping into my archives. 13 years ago I got some advice from Detroit farmer and artist, Jean Wilson. She taught me a super effective way to pare down my grocery bills. It's Food Friday.

ZAK: It's about 9 o'clock, I just pulled up to a westside, organic market. I'm here with Jean Wilson. So, what are we about to do?

JEAN: We're about to dive in a dumpster and look for some fresh produce.

ZAK: Are you diving just for yourself?

JEAN: I do end up feeding myself and then also my mother who's on an income of $500 dollars/month social security and my friends and then end up cooking large meals for sometimes hundreds of people.

ZAK: You're cooking for hundreds of people you just said? Just random people you find on the street?

JEAN: Well, like last weekend we cooked up as much food as we could and we took it down to the lower, Cass Corridor area and served people over there. When I see a lot of food, I find a way to get rid of it. I just can't see this food going to waste.

ZAK: Let's go.

JEAN: This particular place doesn't waste very much at all.

ZAK: We're looking inside a big, metal dumpster. It's about a third of the way full, there are probably 10 garbage bags.

JEAN: Light ones we toss aside. When it's heavy it's a good sign. I'm gonna hop up inside. Keeps me inside.

ZAK: Jean's in the dumpster. I'm gonna stay outside. You just ripped open that bag. I see some Cliff Bars. Empty, though. Jean, you've done this before. You are moving like a super-human right now. You've already gone through 4 bags. What constitutes what's take-able and what isn't?

JEAN: I just take stuff that's good. Like, this whole onion looks good. This apple looks entirely good.

ZAK: When was the last time you went into a grocery story and paid for food.

JEAN: I've probably spent 50 dollars in the last five years. Seriously.

ZAK: Whereas most people spend on themselves, maybe 200/month would be a modest estimate?

JEAN: My mother spends six or seven dollars a week because she's particular. I'll eat anything. I just pick out the healthiest stuff and I pick out what I have. Sometimes there was just cheese and crackers for a few days, well, that's ok but as long as I continue to dumpster for food the quality and freshness and quantity and choices have been amazing. We should be getting together and making sure that this food doesn't go to waste. We all should be eating all the food.

ZAK: What is that a mango?

JEAN:Yeah, that's a really good mango. There's a couple good apples.

ZAK: How about them apples? Jean, what is garbage?

JEAN: Something that can't be used at all. Something that can't be eaten or fed to the worm box in the kitchen or the compost in the backyard.

ZAK: But what we just put in my trunk, that's not garbage?

JEAN: What do you think? Wanna come over for dinner tomorrow?


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Apr 02, 2021
Writing Joyful Lists with Sylva Florence
4:02

Sylva Florence is a writer, translator, bike-tour leader and author living in Italy. Her new book is called Finding the Sylva Lining. Read her blog here.

Scheduling Joy with Nate Mullen.

If you have advice call me and tell me what it is @ 844 935 BEST!

TRANSCRIPT:

SYLVA: Hi Zak. My name is Sylva Florence and my advice involves making lists. It started because I suck at organizing my life. I'm an artist and so I think in a very creative, scattered way and so I started to make lists and I noticed I get an absurd amount of joy when I cross things off my list. And I started to obviously keep myself on task better and keep myself organized better because if I don't make lists, I'll forget things like, paying my bills. So, but I've also been starting to add other things to my list which were not just things I needed to get done but things I wanted to get done and even more things that were delightful to get done. Like, I'll just read you my list that I made today.

Taxes...

Ride Bike

Farmers Market. I love in Italy so I am very lucky to have an incredible farmer's market and as long as I put farmer's market on my list then I remember to go get healthy vegetables and say hello to my farmer lady.

Clean house already. I didn't quite get to that so that will have to be put on tomorrow's list.

Chill. That's gonna happen shortly.

Hi-Gene. Because I try to reach out to someone everyday.

At the end of each day I make a list for the next day and I have fun with it. Yesterday I put...

Get up and do a happy dance because I spent a lot of time in-front of the computer and I needed to get up and move.

So, anyways, make your lists, check them twice, have some fun with them. Include some things you wouldn't normally put on a list, like get up a do a happy dance. And maybe it will give you the same pleasure it gives me to accomplish various kinds of tasks and also have included a little bit of joy and all you need to do is write it down.

ZAK: Silva Florence is a writer, translator, bike-tour leader and author living in Italy. Her new book is called Finding the Sylva Lining...cause that's her name! So good, Sylva.

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Apr 01, 2021
Automating Your Finances with Joe Saul-Sehy
5:30

Joe Saul-Sehy is the creator and co-host of the Stacking Benjamins and Money With Friends podcasts

Understanding Time Horizons with Justin Waring

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Today on the show, a few simple tweaks you can make to automate your financial picture.

JOE: That's one of my favorite things to talk about, Zak and I think it's the hidden thing that people don't think about. They think they need to make more money. They think that they need to pay attention to their budget a lot. Which, you know, both those things are great but, man, automated your financial picture so that money just goes to the right place I think is the best advice I've got.

ZAK: Heck yeah. So, I have been meaning to do that for, I don't know, five years and just haven't. So, how would you suggest folks get started?

JOE: Well, the cool thing about it is that you just do it once. The nice thing about automating your finances is you do it once and it's all done. And I think that the way we think about it is that our brains can only handle so much at one time. Here's where I'm coming from. Sherlock Holmes, the smartest guy who never lived, in A Study in Scarlet, he famously said, 'What the deuce is the solar system to me.' And what he's really saying is he only has so much room in his brain attic and he needs to just focus on the important stuff. And one of my favorite researchers about time management, a woman named, Laura Vanderkam. She talks about our brains being a battery and that battery during the course of a day, it runs out. So, I don't want my brain battery running out before I remember to build my net worth. So, this is where automation comes in and all these important things we need to do, like remember to save and pay the bills on time. If we automate that stuff, we can just focus on the most important thing in our financial life which is finding ways to be better at our job and maybe make more money or have a more fulfilling career.

ZAK: I love it. So, what do you use to automate?

JOE: So, the first thing I have is something that helps me track my money and I use a low-cost program called Tiller cause I don't like ads but there's plenty of free things. There's a great one called Clarity Money. There's another one called Mint. There's Money Lion. The bad news about those apps is that they will market to you at the same time as they're helping you but what I like about all of these is that you can set alerts that you tell you when you go over set numbers. So if I spend too much money at a restaurant. This happened to me just a few weeks ago. I go through a drive-thru to pick up some food and immediately my phone buzzes because I went over my restaurant budget for that week. I really like the fact that I don't have to pay attention to my money every minute. I just have to pay attention at critical times. The other thing, though. The one that most people have is if you have a job and you have direct deposit, almost everyone direct deposits to their checking account and this is a really easy, automation shift. So, you already have the automation, we just have to have it go to the right place. Have that go to you savings account instead. And all of a sudden your brain has flipped and now the money is automatically saved and instead of deciding how much of your paycheck you want to save, now your money is already saved and you have to decide how much you want to spend and now we're doing critical task, number one, I think, which is we're disassociating the amount of money that we make from the amount of money that we spend. And when I made that one switch, all of a sudden where I didn't think I could save money before, money started piling up in my savings account because I'd always leave a little there instead of taking every dime to spend on whatever I needed that walk.

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Mar 31, 2021
Asking the Dumb Question with Jesse Thorn (and Larry King)
5:24

Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) is the owner of the podcast network, Maximum Fun and host of the podcasts, Bullseye, Jordan, Jesse, Go! and The Turnaround.

The Turnaround with Jesse Thorn

Interviewing with Aaron Lammer

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: It's The Best Advice Show where every weekday, someone I like offers one morsel of advice. Ideally, something you can start practicing today. On this episode, I'm gonna talk interviewing with one of my favorite interviewers.

JESSE: I'm Jesse Thorn and I'm owner of the podcast network, Maximum Fun and also among other things the host of the NPR show, Bullseye.

ZAK: Jesse' gonna talk about interviewing an iconic interviewer on his podcast about interviewing. And for those of you keeping tracking at home, this is my second interview with an interviewer about interviewing. The first one was with Longform podcast host, Aaron Lammer. There's a link to that in the show notes. Ok, here's Jesse talking about an essential piece of interview advice you can try at home, even if you don't have a talk show.

JESSE: Like, the thing that I think about all the time that I learned from...I did a show called The Turnaround where I interviewed famous interviewers and I just did it because I never went to journalism school or had a mentor or anything. I just was like, doing my college radio show until I was 40. And, we sort of were surprised that Larry King said yes to coming on the show. Like, basically, we just made a list of every famous we could think of, sent out one email to each of them and saw who said yes. Cause it was a low-budget show.

ZAK: But you had for people that haven't heard it, you had Ira Glass, Brook Gladstone, Larry King, did you get Terry Gross?

JESSE:Yeah, that was the first time I talked to Terry Gross and I was very gratified. I'm a huge fan. But Larry King I was not a huge fan of, may his rest in peace. I wasn't against him or anything, I just never had cable tv as a kid so I never saw him, you know? And I never listened to overnight talk radio. But, I went into his house and he had this big house in Beverly Hills.

ZAK: Did someone answer the door or was it him?

JESSE: Yes, his assistant just a really sweet, obviously, intensely competent man. His assistant offered me a bottle of water and I was like, what is this gonna be like? And he sat us down in Larry King's trophy room which was like, the trophies were like structural to the room. There were so many trophies and prizes and pictures of him with Hank Aaron or whatever and he came in and he just Larry King right away. The moment he walked in the room, I understood why he was Larry King. Cause you're like, oh, this guy is the most engaged person ever. He locked eyes on me. He was completely present with me and the question that he said he was really proud of when I asked him about this, he said, one time a pilot came on my show...

LARRY: And I said when you're going down the runway do you know it's gonna take off? And he said I never think about it. Yes, it will take off but it may not stay up. An engine could go. Birds can fly into the plane. But if I'm going 160 MPH down that runway, it has to take off. Now it may take off for five feet and crash but it will lift off the ground. But he never thinks about it.

JESSE: And to me, that's like the perfect question because Larry King doesn't care that it makes him look dumb or makes him look like he doesn't know about pilots.

ZAK: Yeah, there's narrative in that question.

JESSE: Yeah, and it's like go so much emotional content, you know?

ZAK: I spend my entire life not trying to sound dumb. Trying not to sound dumb. Not trying to sound dumb. See? And so, to know that one of the keys to really engaging and asking good questions is to not worry about sounding dumb. This is the work.

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Mar 30, 2021
Not Doing Wifey S#^t with Niccole Thurman
6:52

Niccole Thurman is a Los Angeles-based Actress and Writer.

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Today's advice from actor, writer and comedian, Nicole Thurman, contains some explicit language. You've been warned.

NICCOLE: Don't do wifey shit for a fuck boy. I saw that on a t-shirt once and I was like, fuck yeah.

ZAK: Tell me more. I love this.

NICCOLE: Ok. Ok. So, don't do wifey shit for a fuck boy. It's about not giving yourself and your time and your emotional labor to a man who is emotionally unavailable, stunted, not interested in actually being in a relationship...any of the above. I feel like when I saw that shirt I was in a relationship with a guy who was completely, emotionally unavailable, had told me he didn't want to be in a relationship to start the relationship. But I still was like, no no, I know what's best for us. Like, we like each other. We should be together. So then we ended up in a relationship that he did not want to be in and he was deceptive and not good the whole time because of it.

ZAK: And you were doing wifey shit?

NICCOLE: I was doing wifey shit! We lived together. He drove my car. His name was on my insurance. We went to weddings together. I was way more emotionally invested then he was, talking about future events, saying, I love you, to no return.

ZAK: Did you see that shirt during the relationship?

NICCOLE: During the relationship. I was downtown in LA and I was walking to work and I was almost, always in a bad mood cause the mother fucker was always doing something. So, I was walking and I saw this woman crossing the street and it said, Don't Do Wifey Shit For a Fuck Boy and I was like, damn!

ZAK: What did you do in the moment?

NICCOLE: It was one of those epiphany moments. I think it's like, you see it happen all the time where it's like, a man will tell you directly something about how he feels or he's not available to give you what you want and woman will be like, oh, I can see potential here. They see a project. They don't see a product. They don't see the person in-front of them that doesn't want the thing. And so I think it just put that in my head. Cause you don't think of your boyfriend as a fuck boy while you're dating them. After I broke up with him one of my friends was like, I always thought he was a fuck boy. And I was like, what!? Why didn't you tell me. But then you start to see the light like, I'm giving all this energy to someone who's not gonna be around in a year, six-months, whatever.

ZAK: Did it change the way you are in relationships now?

NICCOLE: I'm way more cutthroat, but in a good way for both me and the guy. If a guy's like, I can't be dating right now, I'm like, byeeeeeee!

ZAK: My last question is. It was hard for you to acknowledge that he was a fuck boy during the relationship. For people that are in relationships now and want to figure out if maybe they're with a fuck boy. Is there a question you can ask yourself to help you see more clearly?

NICCOLE: I think there's a series of questions. And there's also a series of moments that you need to pay attention to and not brush off because I think it's easier to brush the moment off and keep moving forward with this thing that's not happening. You have to say, did he ever say, I don't want to be in a relationship. You deserve more. Or, I can't give you what you need. Or, I don't know if I'm there yet. I don't know if we're on the same level. Like, those phrases...GET OUT. If you want a relationship. These are for woman that want a relationship. I'm a person that wants a relationship and I wasted a year and a half of my life on someone that didn't want the same thing because I wasn't listening to the...I wasn't getting the clues up front.

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Mar 29, 2021
Making Matzah with Liz Alpern
4:33

Liz Alpern is passionate about reimagining tradition and bringing people together. Liz is co-founder of The Gefilteria and co-author of The Gefilte Manifesto: New Recipes for Old World Jewish Foods.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: The Jewish holiday of Passover is coming up this week. It's a holiday commemorating the Israelite's liberation from slavery in Egypt. And today on Food Friday we have some advice about Passover, celebration, symbolism and liberation. Our guide is Liz Alpern. She's a Jewish food entrepreneur, educator and cook author.

ZAK: To start, for our non-Jewish friends, what is matzah and why do we eat it on Passover?

LIZ: So, matzah is a ritual food of Passover. A ceremonial food of Passover. And so, it is essentially like a cracker or a flatbread and it has symbolic meaning because in the story of Passover, in the story of Exodus that's told during the Passover holiday, the whole idea is that the Jews were slaves in Egypt and they fled very quickly. And they barely could bring anything with them and so they, like, didn't have time for their bread to rise and so they threw some flour on their back and kind of got the hell out of dodge. You know what I mean? And so, matzah is bread. That biblical bread that is associated with this fleeing of Egypt and on a spiritual level there's this whole process that you do in your life but it's supposed to have a spiritual element to it. I mean, "supposed to" in air quotes. You clean your house of all of the leavened products. You get rid of them leading up to the holiday. And so there's this spiritual meaning that I've learned around this which is about confronting your ego. Confronting all the things that are puffed up. Confronting the stuff that you're carrying that is maybe taking up too much space, right? And so this idea of this cleansing process maybe the week before and then during Passover eating this humble, flat bread that is like, the literal symbol of what it is to be humbled has a lot of spiritual meaning and the way it's translated is that it's the bread of affliction...this bread that symbolizes the experience of slavery.

ZAK: How do you do it? How do you make your own matzah?

LIZ: My gosh. So easy. You take some flour. You mix some water. Basically, it's 4 parts flour to 1 part water. So, I mix this very, very, very basic dough. I roll it out as thin as I can. I break it up into some chunks. Roll it out, thin, thin, thin, thin. Poke some holes in it and I throw it in the oven and I bake it for about 5-6 minutes total.

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Mar 26, 2021
Avoiding the Evil Tongue with Emily Berman
6:16

Emily Berman is a mom and audio-maker based in Washington DC.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Do you ever gossip about somebody over text and then you realize to your horror you sent the text to the person you're talking shit about!? Of course you have, you're human. And if you haven't, good on ya. But if you have like the rest of us, you might appreciate this advice.

EMILY: DO NOT TALK SHIT ABOUT PEOPLE IN WRITING. Don't do it in text. Don't do it in an e-mail. Don't write it on a piece of paper. Don't write it down. And this works on a lot of different levels. You can go very deep with this. Like, biblically deep. First of all, its saves you from being caught in a very embarrassing situation. It pauses you for a second. If you just like, have this rule that you're not gonna write things down. If you're not gonna say anything bad about someone else...you pause. You're not gonna text it. You have to call the person to say it. You have to call whoever you want to talk to. Are you gonna make the call just to say that thing? So, it gives you a second to reflect. And if you call, ok, you call and you say it and then maybe notice how you feel after that. Like, was it worth it to call to say that? Like sometimes maybe but generally speaking it feels pretty bad to say...you might start to notice. I've started to notice that it feels pretty bad to say negative things about people.

EMILY: And, this is not my idea. This is one of the most important laws in the Torah, which is the laws surrounding Lashon Hora which means evil speech or evil tongue is what is means exactly. And it's really one of the worse things you can do in the Torah because it is so destructive. Things you say about other people can be destructive to them in their lives in so many ways.

EMILY: It's an on-going practice. Everyday you're going to be confronted with this situation of like, you have the thought of something you feel about someone else. Something you need to get off your chest. And then you have your choice of like, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna quickly express those thoughts to someone else? Are you going to keep it to yourself? And like, you're gonna practice over and over not writing it down. Not making the call to express the feeling and then eventually, I don't know if I can say I think the thoughts less, but I feel like it's becoming a smaller and smaller part of my personality and my goal is to be a person who does not say negative things about other people.

ZAK: When you're suppressing the urge to write shit or talk shit, what do you do then with that feeling of like, man, this person just was being an asshole and I want some catharsis from it?

EMILY: Ok, so like, sometimes I don't do it perfectly. Like, sometimes I do pick up the phone and call the person I want to talk to about it and vent for a second. But, it's like I'm getting quicker and being more empathetic to the person I would have said something negative about. Little by little it doesn't feel as much like suppression, although at the beginning when I first learned about this, it did feel like I was suppressing things and I felt stifled. I just want to say what I think. I just want to say...I just want say how I feel and that's important because I feel it. But it actually becomes a spiritual practice of empathy. Cause it feels terrible to think that other people are out there saying bad things about me. And if we're all just doing that, that's such a heavy reality to be living in. So, I guess I am trying to do my part to change the reality...change the way we all communicate with another and just, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna say something bad about you, Zak. Laughter.

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Mar 25, 2021
Saying Yes with Marty Maddin
4:02

Marty Maddin is a husband, father and a leadership and performance coach.

Tell me your regrets at 844-935-BEST OR ZAK@BESTADVICE.SHOW

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Ok, it's July, 1995. Where are you in your life at that point?

MARTY: So, I am in high school and it's summer time and I'm working at a day-camp.

ZAK: And so, in your mind you've got a lot going on?

MARTY: It sounds funny when you say it now, but yes, at the time I thought I was pretty busy with life.

MARTY: I have an older brother and he thought it would be really fun to go to Chicago to see the Grateful Dead. They were playing at Soldier Field and I thought it was a great idea and I thought about it for a day or so and then I just kind of got a little lazy and felt like I was kinda busy with all the different things that I thought were going on at the time and so I told him, you know what, lets just wait until next year. Maybe I'll join you next year. I think he was planning on going either way so he was nice enough to invite me but I kind of told him I was too busy.

ZAK: Is it I don't have the time? I don't want to put the energy into going? What do you think was your headspace then?

MARTY: Probably the biggest thing was I felt like I could just do it at any point in the future so why do it right now.

ZAK: That was July 9th, 1995. Grateful Dead plays at Soldier Field. They open with Touch of Grey. They close with Box of Rain and that ends up being their last show ever. Because one month later...

ARCHIVAL NEWS: Jerry Garcia, the Grateful Dead guitarist who kept the counter-culture of the 1960s rocking and rolling right into the 90s died today in California. He was 53.

MARTY: It was a crazy moment because I was on the bus working when I found out that he passed away and I really did have a moment of, oh my gosh, I blew it. That can never happen. I can never get that chance to go to that concert with my brother and see Jerry Garcia perform and so it was sad. I chose incorrectly. I, you know, being a little lazy there was not the right choice. I think the advice is to...well it's really two things. It's to live in the moment because it's so easy to have regrets about the past and to be worrying about the future and what you have to do or what can happen or how much time you have and to stay present to what you have right in-front of you right now. What I had in-front of me in that moment was an amazing opportunity to go spend time with my brother and go see an amazing band and because I was worrying about things that I needed to get done, I missed that opportunity.


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Mar 24, 2021
Prepping Your Garden with Alice Bagley
2:56

Alice Bagley is a gardener, biker and time-banker from Detroit.

Throwing Seeds with Alice

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Welcome to The Best Advice Show where everyday a different guest offers a little morsel of wisdom for you.

ALICE: Hi, this is Alice Bagley from Detroit, Michigan where I am a gardener and biker and time-banker and probably some other things. My advice today is to wait to clean-up your garden until it's warmer. Here in Detroit we're having a warm spell. Its gotten up to 60 or 70 degrees the past few days but it's gonna get cold again and if you clean up all the leaves and sticks and other brush in your garden you can clear away the eggs and cocoons of a bunch of insects that we like such as butterflies and preying mantises and lovely, native bees. So if you can you should wait to clean up your garden.

ZAK: But, Alice says, if you feel like you need to be more productive in your garden. There are some things you can do, like...

ALICE: Prune your fruit trees and your bushes. This is the right time of year to do that. There's a bunch flower seeds that actually like to go through freeze/thaw cycles. Especially wildflowers so you can put some seeds around to do that. If you must plant some thing which I totally feel that too, some seeds you can plant this time of year are peas, carrots, beets, spinach, salad greens. You can also look in your vegetable garden to see if some stuff lived through the winter like spinach usually does and I was able to find some beets and carrots out in the garden too. So if you do have to clear-off the garden you put on your mulch, like maybe you put down some leaves and straw, you can just clear them off of the place where you're gonna plant things. You don't have to clear your whole garden out. You can just push the leaves or straw off to the side, plant the seeds that you want to plant and hopefully it will be more spring-like soon when the temperature is more reliably above 40 or 50 degrees everyday. That's the time of year to start clearing out your garden beds and all the old, dead plants from last year.

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Mar 23, 2021
Saying the Nice Thing with Shira Heisler and Evangeline Garreau
3:29

Evangeline Garreau writes the Good Questions newsletter. Read it!

Shira Heisler is a physician and complimenter.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: I'm pleased to welcome back Best Advice Show regular and the love of my life, my wife, Shira.

SHIRA: If you have a compliment for anyone. Like, if it just crossed your mind and you're like, hey, that guy has beautiful eyes. Or, oh, you're really kind and generous. Or, you look pretty today. Whatever compliment you have for anybody who crosses in your life, stranger, friend, partner...tell them.

ZAK: That's a great piece of advice, Shira.

SHIRA: That's why it's on the show.

ZAK: For sure, but I was complimenting you.

SHIRA: Oh. Laughter. Good. Good.

ZAK: I love this advice. I recorded it with Shira a long time ago and I finally got around to putting it together today and actually, literally, five-minutes after I finished editing this episode and uploading it, I got this voicemail on the advice hotline. This is unbelievable!

EVANGELINE: Hi, my name is Evangeline Garreau and my advice is to say the nice thing. I don't remember where I first heard this but the idea is that every time you think something nice about someone, you should tell them. For me this mostly shows up with clothing. Anytime I notice a cool shirt or a nice piece of jewelry, I want to tell the person how great it is. This happened a lot more pre-pandemic but still on Zoom calls when I notice that people make an effort, I want them to know that they look great. It makes me feel good to give them a compliment and it makes them feel good to receive a compliment. And often it leads to friendship. People tend to like you more when you tell them nice things about their clothes. I also feel like it's the kind of thing that when you practice in a low-stakes context, like, complimenting someone's outfit, it gets easier in a high-stakes context like, telling someone you love then for the first time. I have an example that's not quite that high-stakes but recently I had a moment where I was feeling really grateful for my mom and my sister. We were navigating a hard family issue and I felt really good about how it was being handled. And, I had a moment where I thought, should I say something or is that totally sappy to just tell them, oh, man, you guys are so great. And then I thought, say the nice thing, and I'm glad I did because they deserve to know how much they mean to me and who knows what's gonna happen tomorrow. So, whether it's about shoes or true love...say the nice thing.

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Mar 22, 2021
Self-Containing Sandwiches with Ma'ayan Plaut
2:53

Ma'ayan Plaut (@maayanplaut) is Senior Manager, Audience Development & Engagement at PRX.

Plating with Ma'ayan

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: It's Food Friday and today return contributor, Ma'ayan Plaut is here to talk about sandwiches. Not just any sandwich, though.

MA'AYAN: I don't know if it's cause I miss my parents a lot right now but I've been making a lot of what my mom likes to call the two-handed sandwich. And it's actually more of an idea than it is a recipe and it's delicious because it's filled with all sorts of crunchy vegetables...usually lettuce, cucumbers, sprouts, for my mom it has to have avocado in it. If you're me, any type of savory spread, avocado included, also welcome. And the main thing here is that it's piled super-duper high. It's absolutely beautiful to look at and it's the best. First bite, last bite, all of them are great. The only challenge with the two-handed sandwich is that it's really just that. It only works best if you're holding it with two hands and whoa is you if you decide to put it down for any reason whatsoever. So, the thing is with all of those crunchy vegetables and all of the spreads, everything starts sliding in every direction, so the bread might fall off completely because of all the stacked, multiple dimensioned things on top. The vegetables, especially if they're slide-y vegetables like cucumbers or sprouts, they just slide side-ways and you kind of just end up with something I call a miserable tossed salad with bread that just so happens to be on the side or on the bottom. So my solution is actually to self-contain the sandwich and that usually comes from one of two things. It's either a well-places toothpick or you can wrap your sandwich up either in wax paper or aluminum foil and that just gives you some extra, internal stability when all of the slide-y and crinkly and gravity-defying fillings have all these ideas about what a strong, free-standing structure really should look like.

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Mar 19, 2021
Living in a Yellow Submarine with Dr. Glenn Gass
8:30

Dr. Glenn Gass is a provost professor emeritus at The Indiana University Jacobs School of Music.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: This is Dr. Glenn Gass.

GLENN: I'm a provost professor emeritus at The Indiana University Jacobs School of Music and just retired this past May.

ZAK: When I was Professor Gass' student in his History of The Beatles class. Yes, that's a real class and yes it was most the beloved class on campus and one night in class, professor Gass told us this Beatles story which remains one of my favorite Beatle's stories. And I think the essence of this story has a jewel of wisdom that I've been thinking about a lot, which we'll get to. But first, let's go back to the spring of 1966 when The Beatles were recording the song, Yellow Submarine.

GLENN: And they had a bunch of friends over. Marianne Faithful, Brian Jones, Hunter Davies, Alf Bicknell. They just said, come on in. They just wanted normal voices singing the chorus, so it didn't sound like The Beatles singing in perfect harmony. They had Mal Evans with a parade bass drum and they had the cocktail party. That's actually Patty Boyd, George's wife that has the big shrieking, high life in the middle of that and the glasses clinking and all the sound effects. So, anyway they did this and they did the overdubs singing, we all live in a Yellow Submarine and everyone was having a great time. Who knows, it's 1966, so they're probably having a really great time. The engineer, Geoff Emerick went to lock up the tapes and turn off the lights and he came back out to turn out the lights in the studio. He walked in the control room and looked down to Studio 2 and saw everyone was still there. They were there with Big Mal Evans and that parade drum in the front of this conga line with everyone on the person in-front of them's shoulders, swaying back and forth singing, we all live in a yellow submarine. I mean there's no tape running. The song is done. They're having so much fun, they didn't want it to end. That's so beautiful on so many levels. The Beatles just want to be together. They want to sing and have fun together. You wouldn't likely do that on a George, Paul or John song but for Ringo, lets all gather round our friend and just have a good, old sing-a-long.

ZAK: I love it so much. I love thinking about how, the song in this instance, maybe not with all their output, but maybe in this case, the song was just a by-product of their friendship.

GLENN: Yes.

ZAK: The song wasn't even the point. The point was them being together and having fun and, awesome, this amazing song came out of it.

GLENN: The point was being together, having fun and the song expresses that. My friends are all aboard. Many more of them live next door. The whole song was about being together with your friends and the fact that Paul wrote it not for himself but for his friend. So, it not only is about friendship, it sort of embodies friendship.

ZAK: We have these really loud baseboards cause we have a boiler with hot water heat and in our bedroom it sounds like we're in a submarine right now and I've been thinking about the song and thinking about how, all of us, are in our own...if we're lucky to have our own proverbial submarines with the people in our lives we love. Like, we're just kind of very insulated in our own yellow submarines right now.

GLENN: Yeah and everyone's submarine is so different.

ZAK: At the beginning of the pandemic, parents with young families were talking about how they would have impromptu dance parties. It's like finding fun where they can because we don't have access to all these old ways of having fun outside our houses. So, I feel like that's another thing that this song makes me think of. It's just like, make meaning amid the isolation.

GLENN: Create the world you want to be in. Create the atmosphere you want. And damn the torpedoes we're gonna do this submarine song and we're gonna have fun with it.

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Mar 18, 2021
Falling Asleep with Karen Semone
2:53

Karen Semone is a senior director of innovation at Salesforce.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Warning, today's episode might put you to sleep. But if it does, that's a good thing. Here is Karen Semone's advice for falling asleep easier and dreaming better.

KAREN: You basically think of a place that you loved as a child. For me it's my grandma's house. And you take a visualized tour of that house. It's not about the people in the house. It's about the place. But it's very much a sensory experience. So you really feel what the handle of the door feels like. You smell. You visualize the smell. You try to remember details of where the photos are on the photo wall, where her art was. And you walk through the rooms. And more often than not, by the time I've gone through the whole house, I'm asleep which is awesome. You enter through the garage and she has this very old-school screen door and I think it is a form of meditation because you have to be really methodical and sort of, slow. Sometimes I like to pretend like I can smell her famous pecan sticky buns that she would always make in the morning.

ZAK: Is it always your grandma's house that you do?

KAREN: It's funny. I change it up but it usually tends to be places I visited in summertimes as children. So I have a couple of cottages that I did or my aunt's house where she had a pool. And I think that might just be because it's light-hearted memories. Like, positive associations. And I tend to have nicer dreams since I started doing it. My name is Karen Semone. I am a senior director of innovation at Salesforce.

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Mar 17, 2021
Doing the Hard Thing First with Tiffany Paulsen
3:53

Tiffany Paulsen (@thetiffanypaulsen) is a screenwriter, producer, director. Her most recent film, Holidate, is on Netflix.

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Thanks for listening to another episode of The Best Advice Show where everyday I talk to someone new who's got a little morsel of wisdom for you. Something you can take with you and try, hopefully immediately. I've been in touch with some listeners recently who hear my daily call-out for advice but think they don't have anything good to offer. You're wrong. You do. It doesn't have to be sage and profound. My favorite type of advice is stuff the advice-giver is still working on. So, what is it? What are you working on in your life that you think might be valuable or helpful to some other people to work on? That's the stuff that I want to hear. Give me a call at 844-935-BEST. So, that thing about the advice-giver still working on the advice. That's true of today's episode.

TIFFANY: Hi. My name's Tiffany Paulsen. I'm a screenwriter, producer, director. Most recently I wrote the romantic-comedy, Holidate for Netflix. The thing that I try to do and I want to get so much better at is, do the hard thing first. Doing the hard thing first is something I'm really working on and is helping me because I find when the hard thing is out there and I mean the email I don't want to send, the call I don't want to make, the thing that's broken in my house that I have to figure out...it just hovers. It hovers in my workspace. It hovers in my energy. And it slows everything down. So, getting that thing that I don't want to do that I'm regretting out of the way is really helpful.

ZAK: And once you're able to do that. Once you actually get the hard thing done first, what does that do to the rest of your day?

TIFFANY: Well, first of all I find that the hard thing is never as hard as I'm anticipating that it's gonna be. So, it instantly relieves anxiety. And for me as a writer, I just feel like anything I can do to free up my creative space and my brain-flow is always gonna be more positive to my work-day and have a better outcome with my work-day. So, I really am finding that getting that, however big or small, but the thing that I'm dreading the most about the day or the thing that I just don't want to tackle. If I could just not procrastinate it, it's gonna be far beneficial to get it done. And changing that mindset of, like, ok, what is it? What do I need to deal with? I'm gonna just get it done, it's that...ahhhh. Wasn't that bad. I don't need to think about it anymore. I can put that great line on my to-do list for the day and cross it out. So, I think for me I get an instant, positive, reaction. An instant, release of some negativity or some worry.

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Mar 16, 2021
Taking a Chance with Bob Wells (from Nomadland)
7:51

Bob Wells runs Cheap RV Living and appears in the film, Nomadland.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

BOB: My name is Bob Wells and I live in a van and I have a website called CheapRVLiving.com and youtube channel called, Cheap RV Living and I like to tell people they have a choice.

ZAK: If you've seen the new movie Nomadland, then you know Bob Wells. He was in the movie. He was in a couple scenes. He looks just like Santa Claus. Here he is in the movie which stars Frances McDormand as a woman in her 60s who, after losing everything in the Great Recession, is traveling across the country in a van. And then she meets a bunch of other van-dwelling people and we learn about their lives. One of those people is Bob Wells, who plays himself just like a lot of the characters.

Nomadland Excerpt

ZAK:I connected with Bob last week over Zoom. He was visiting his family in the Pacific Northwest and I was in my office in Detroit.

BOB: Ok, here's my one piece of advice. Our society is organized to give us the most possible menial, unimportant choices that we possibly can have. So our life is full of meaningless choices. But the big choices in life are really few and far between and we don't get to make them. So, if I could tell your audience anything, I would tell them that they have many, many more choices then they know and to stop worrying about the little, tiny ones that are meaningless and think about the big ones. Think about the ones that will impact your life and the lives of the people you love. Question everything. Look at all the possible options. Take a chance.

ZAK: And what's the first time you remember consciously taking a chance on something unconventional.

BOB: I wasn't brave enough. I feel in the trance and stayed there. I was deeply hypnotized. I went through a divorce so I set up two households and I couldn't afford to pay for two households so I was forced into a different choice. I had always been a camper and a backpacker. I saw a van on the way to work for sale and one day the idea popped into my head... completely unconventional choice. I could live in that van. I can live in a tent for months at a time. I can live in that van better! I stopped. I bought the van and I moved in. And at first I hated it. I felt ashamed. I felt like I was a failure. I had utterly failed in the American Dream and all of a sudden. Well, not all of a sudden. Gradually, I fell in love with that life and for the very first time in my life, I was happy.

ZAK: What do you think is our species essence?

BOB: It's connection. Our species essence is connection. Connected to nature. Connected to each other. Connected to the sacred. It's deep, profound. You ask any anthropologist about what humans are. We are a pack animal. That is a simple, science of humanity. We are pack animal. And instead of being a pack animal that lives in packs, profoundly connecting to each other and everything around us, we've become ants or bees in a hive. And we've lost all connection to each other.

ZAK: So do you live by yourself in the RV?

BOB: I do live alone in my RV but I usually have a pack around me.

ZAK: Well some of us aren't going to become nomads. At least not yet. What do you think is something that we might practice today to get some of the feeling that you get from being on the road without actually packing up and hitting the road like you did?

BOB: Well, you can embrace minimalism. That's one thing you have to be pretty minimal. Nomads were all minimalists. Things were a burden. The attitude always was, if I have too much stuff and I have to carry it to the next stop cause that's where the food and water is, then that stuff is a burden and I don't want it. So that is an attitude that every nomad had and you could adopt tomorrow. You can stand up right now, get a bag, go around, find a lot, a lot, a lot of crap in your house that you don't need and get rid of it. And that will free you.


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Mar 15, 2021
Loving Garlic with Meiko Krishok
4:18

Meiko Krishok is the founder and co-operator of Guerrilla Food (GF), a Detroit-based grassroots culinary team that uses food as medicine. GF is the team behind the  Pink Flamingo To Go farm-to-table carry-out restaurant in the Palmer Park neighborhood in Detroit and Pink Flamingo popular seasonal vintage food trailer that is located in a community garden in Corktown, Detroit.

Growing Garlic

Fermented Honey Garlic

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Welcome to another addition of Food Friday where talk food advice.

MEIKO: My name is Meiko Krishok and I live in Detroit. I have a food business called Guerrilla Food and run an off-shoot of that business which is Pink Flamingo Food Truck and Pink Flamingo To Go carry-out restaurant. One thing I've been enjoying that I've been learning how to do that I really enjoy doing because it's so low effort is how to grow garlic. This is the time of the year where it starts to pop-up a little but because you grow it in the fall. You don't really need to have access to water to grow it. You just need a space to put it in the group and cover it up really well in the winter time so it doesn't freeze and I just think it's like, one of the best food sovereignty things that we can be doing that's also not very hard.

You know for things like onions and stuff you either need to grow the seeds or you need to get transplants and garlic you literally just take the cloves, right? Any cloves. Even stuff from the grocery store and then you just need a place to put it in the group that can go into the ground about 6-inches or so. And then you just cover it really well. I like to use leaves and then if you have straw. So, I literally don't even water the garlic. I just put it in the ground, cover it and then in the spring I uncover once it's warm enough and wait for it to grow the little garlic scapes. It grows this little curly-cue and that part will flower if you don't pick it. If you break it off of at the right time of the year, then all the energy goes down into the bulb and then the garlic grows and then you have garlic by July.

ZAK: Garlic continues to be just, obviously it's part of so many recipes...but it's the thing that I'm perpetually so intoxicated by in the kitchen. It's just the best.

MEIKO: Yeah. It's so good. You can do so many things with it. One thing we've been doing recently which has been so delicious is you take peeled cloves of garlic and you put em in a jar and then you put honey on top. And the honey will ferment the garlic and it just mellows it out slowly over time. But that is really delicious. You can eat the cloves of garlic or you can the honey. And you just let it sit for as long as you can and eat a little bit every day.

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Mar 12, 2021
Operating from Abundance with Taylor Cox
3:24

Taylor Cox is a writer, comedian and host of the podcast, Hills I'd Die On.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Mar 11, 2021
Starting Young with Dr. Celeste Holbrook
3:06

Dr. Celeste Holbrook (@drcelesteholbrook) is a sexologist, speaker and author.

She was last on the show talking about the reality that one of you wants to have sex more than the other.

I want your advice about having difficult conversations! Call me at 844-935-BEST or email at ZAK@BestAdvice.Show

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: I'm excited for some more advice from Dr. Celeste Holbrook.

CELESTE: I am a sexologist. I've had my own practice for 7-years and I've been a sex educator for 10.

ZAK: Today's episode may not be suitable for children. But it also may be suitable for children.

ZAK: I was actually thinking leading us to this interview, we're gonna need to put a disclaimer for kids at the top of the episode but I wonder what do you think about how early is too early to start talking openly about sex.

CELESTE: I mean, I'm a little biased, Zak. Laughter. I definitely have told my 8 year-old not to touch their clitoris at the table. So probably never too early.

ZAK: But yeah, what have you noticed in your own children or friend's children or client's children, like, what do you think is a healthy way to start talking opening about sex?

CELESTE: Start early by naming body parts what they actually are. And that starts when they're 18-months old and then grow the conversation...The conversation matures as they mature. It's not just one conversation. It's not just one talk. It's something you talk about through and through, over and over. My kids knew about what was by the time they were four. We're the ones that bring all the shame to the table.

ZAK: Hmmm. Uh huh. Uh huh.

CELESTE: So, early. Early.

ZAK: Yeah. And when you say, you know, actually name the body parts, you mean like, say penis instead of pee peep. Stuff like that?

CELESTE: Correct. Plus it gives a sense of trust that you're gonna tell then the right things from the very beginning, So at age 9, you're going, it's not your tee-tee, it's your vulva. It's not your wee-wee, it's your penis and then they're going, well what other things did they lie to me about. You know.

ZAK: You're giving yourself more work.

CELESTE: Yes. That. *Laughter.

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Mar 10, 2021
Checking In with Ronald Young Jr.
4:37

Ronald Young Jr. is the host of Time Well Spent and Leaving the Theatre and the associate producer for the Seizing Freedom podcast from VPM and Witness Docs.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Welcome to The Best Advice Show. Spring is here in Detroit. I'm grateful for the sun. Today's advice comes from Ronald Young Jr. And this is advice like all the advice on this show that you can practice as soon as you hear it. I think it's really simple but super important. Here's Ronald.

RONALD: So, I went through a break-up in September. When you're in a relationship you always have at least one person that you can talk to, lean on, stay stuff to. And my life feels like, and I feel like maybe to my detriment, feels so compartmentalized outside of being in a relationship that I don't really have...like sometimes I find myself outside of all my compartments. I don't have big group of friends that still hangs out. Like, I do from college but we're all separated now. So I feel like often, I'm a single person with no kids and unmarried so it's very often...and I feel like other single will probably understand this to. Especially when you live by yourself. People just don't...It's easy to be lost in the cracks. And I only mean in terms of social interaction and communication.

ZAK: I hear that. For sure. Yeah, that makes sense.

RONALD: You're married, right?

ZAK: I'm married and I have two kids. So, it's like the opposite. And I take it for granted. I take the morning conversation I have my wife totally for granted.

RONALD: Yeah. That's something I miss. Like, with my ex-girlfriend, I miss being able to talk to her in the morning or talk to her in the afternoon or chit-chat. But what I would tell you is that you probably have a single-friend out there who's just like me. Who lives by themselves, no kids...Just reach out to them. Just say, hey man, what's up. Hit 'em up. And if you really want to do a service, hit him up regularly. I have one or two friends that I know can count on I'll talk to, probably, a couple times a week but, it's different cause you get out there and there's no guarantee that I'm gonna have regular interaction if I don't seek it out, which feels like crazy at times. You know? Cause yours comes by default.

ZAK: Yep, it's a real effort that you have to make to reach out and it shouldn't fall on you entirely or even the majority. It should be, you know, reciprocal at its best, but right now, like, yeah being alone sounds really challenging right now.

RONALD: And to be honest, that's the first time I articulated it. Because I don't think anybody owes it to me to reach out to me. I just think that it is something like, when I was communing to work and I was getting coffee before I went to work at the coffee shop or going in and talking to the employees or even the people that cleaned the building. I had a friend in the mail-room who me and him would have these long conversations. So, you had all these incidental interactions with people and when you're a single person and you don't live with anyone. I don't have pets, kids...those incidental interactions are all gone and I think that's something that...And I know a lot of people and families are suffering cause they're getting sick of each-other. It gets challenging and all that. And I completely understand that. And that is its own struggle. But I just feel like those incidental interactions are important. And I'm an extrovert. And I didn't say all that to say the onus is on YOU to talk to ME. It's just saying, for a lot of us singles out here. We have to generate and then the other part is, when the depression and all that stuff sets in, it then becomes hard to generate that interaction. And so, even a, hey man, what's going on? What you up to? Just one of those is nice.

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Mar 09, 2021
Playing Exhibition Matches with Suneel Gupta
2:58

Suneel Gupta is the author of BACKABLE: The Surprising Truth Behind What Makes People Take a Chance On You. He's the founder of RISE and is on faculty at Harvard University.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Hey, it's The Best Advice Show where every weekday I talk to someone awesome and they give you one thing that you can do today to improve your life. Today, the writer and entrepreneur, Suneel Gupta. He just put out a book. It's called Backable. What does it mean to be Backable?

SUNEEL: Backable is...you're able to walk into a room and people want to take a chance on you. And the thing that makes backable unique is that it's this mix of creativity and persuasion. Even when the creative idea you have...even if that's yourself isn't fully baked. You may not be the obvious choice. You may not have the perfect resume and yet there's a leap of faith that people want to take on you.

ZAK: And in his book, Suneel proves that it's not just natural talent that can make people want to take a chance on you. There's a bunch of things you can do to become backable or get to get ready to be backable. Like using low stakes practice sessions to prepare for high stakes moments.

SUNEEL: We call these exhibition matches. And those exhibition matches tend to be very, very sloppy.

ZAK: But sloppy, at least initially is good. Because Suneel says long-term success comes from short-term embarrassment.

SUNEEL: So, if you're gonna be embarrassed, the viewpoint is why not be embarrassed in-front of friendlies in these low stakes moments. What ends up happening is you get to this level of mastery where you can be fully tuned-in and fully present with what's happening inside the room. Charlie Parker, the jazz musician had this great quote which is, somebody came up to him one time and said, how do you have such incredible stage presence? And his answer was, practice, practice, practice and then forget yourself and just wail. And I think that's the state that we really want to get to. But we can't get there simply by winging it. We get there only when we have such incredible mastery of our material that we're no longer wondering what to say next. We're fully tuned in and adaptive to exactly what's happening inside the room.

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Mar 08, 2021
Using Your Joy with Amanda Alexander
4:56

Amanda Alexander is the founding Executive Director of the Detroit Justice Center.

https://www.npr.org/2005/03/04/4509998/the-club-from-nowhere-cooking-for-civil-rights

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Every Friday on the show we talk food. Today's episode is also the final installment of Amanda Alexander week. Amanda is the founder of the Detroit Justice Center.

AMANDA: We're lawyers who support people's movements here in the city and who are fighting for a world without jails and prisons.

ZAK: Amanda and I have been diving into the letter she wrote to her niece, Fiona, and later published in the Boston Globe. It's all about how Black woman have created movements and cultivated joy. And Amanda's letter is filled with some deep, deep wisdom and advice. Like this, find what brings you joy and use it for movements.

AMANDA: Given that the task is as big as remaking society, and ending mass incarceration, creating conditions for people to thrive, it means that the problem is so deep that there is work for everyone all the time. And so, that means that everyone can be part of the solution and being part of the world that we need. And actually, there's so many good examples of people putting their talents and passions and particular joy to work for movements.

ZAK: Like Georgia Gilmore and the Club from Nowhere.

AMANDA: They were a group of cooks and bakers from Montgomerie, Alabama who made and sold food to help fund the Montgomerie Bus Boycott. It was 382 days long. And people often think that it was Rosa Parks, she refused to give up her seat, and maybe a few days later the busses were integrated.

ZAK: Right, this spontaneous thing.

AMANDA: Right, but this was a very long time and so people were doing things like The Club from Nowhere did to take their skills in cooking and baking and using the proceeds from sales to power right back into the movement. So in that case creating some delicious food that would fuel people and fortify their bodies and then taking the profits from that and very literally funding movement work.

ZAK: We watch a lot of Mister Rogers around here and he has a song that you just reminded me of. The song is, There Are Many Ways To Say I Love You.

AMANDA: Oh, I love that.

ZAK: And this is an example of...find the thing that you care about or that you are good at or that you love and, like, use that for the greater good.

AMANDA: Yes. Everyone has a role to play.

ZAK:I hope you enjoyed this week as much as I have. Thank you so much, Amanda Alexander. If you haven't read her entire piece, How Black Woman Have Built Movements and Cultivated Joy, you must. It's at The Boston Globe. It's also linked in our show notes. As always I want to hear your advice. Give me a call at 844-935-BEST.

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Mar 05, 2021
Admiring Ease with Amanda Alexander
3:59

Amanda Alexander is the founding Executive Director of the Detroit Justice Center.

How Black women have built movements and cultivated joy by Amanda Alexander https://www.bostonglobe.com/2021/02/11/opinion/how-black-women-have-built-movements-cultivated-joy/

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Welcome back to my week-long series of advice with Amanda Alexander.

AMANDA: The founding Executive Director of the Detroit Justice Center. We're lawyers support people's movements here in the city and who are fighting for a world without jails and prisons.

ZAK: Earlier this year, Amanda wrote a letter to her young niece, Fiona. She wrote it in response to a question Fiona's mom posed to Amanda. How do you stay focused on Black joy and liberation? And how can I raise my child with that sense of possibility? Amanda thought a lot about those questions and came up with this beautiful letter, full of advice that was recently published in The Boston Globe. All week, I'm digging into that letter with Amanda and today we're gonna talk about one piece of advice which I find so vital. The advice is, admire ease, not just struggle.

AMANDA: I try to admire our great movement builders not just for these moments of confrontation that are seared into our collective memory, but also for their ease. There's this photo that surfaced in the last few years of Rosa Parks doing yoga and there's the documentary of Toni Morrison that came out a couple years ago and there are just these images of her sitting by the water on the dock by her house. I loved learning in that documentary that Toni Morrison loves a good party and loves to dance. And there's a reason that that photo of James Baldwin and the Freedom Rider, Doris Jean Castle, the photo of them dancing together feels so good and it's because they're delighting in each other's freedom and their own. And so I think it's important to see and celebrate and create these moments of delight. To delight in each other's freedom and not just honor the struggle.

ZAK: And I think it also helps to remind that we're all these three-dimensional people and we're not one thing. Like, Rosa Parks isn't just responsible for having catalyzed the Montgomery Bus Boycott, she's also, like, a lady that likes Yoga! You know, we're all these things at once.

AMANDA: Yes. Yeah. Yes we are fighting for freedom in a very different world but right now we need to delight in each other's freedom. We need to dance. We need to make music. We need to stretch our bodies. Whatever it takes to feel free with each other.

ZAK: Yeah. I just googled this photo of Rosa Parks practicing yoga.

AMANDA: Right. There are several. I think they're in the Library of Congress.

ZAK: She looks so cool, too. Like, cool and calm in that moment.

AMANDA: Yes. Yes.

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Mar 04, 2021
Affirming Courage with Amanda Alexander
3:20

Amanda Alexander is the founding Executive Director of the Detroit Justice Center.

How Black women have built movements and cultivated joy by Amanda Alexander https://www.bostonglobe.com/2021/02/11/opinion/how-black-women-have-built-movements-cultivated-joy/

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: My wife does this, a lot, and I don't know how she learned it. But often, she'll be the one in a room to say the thing that other people don't have the courage to say, myself included. And, Amanda Alexander who I'm featuring on the show all week believes that when we see someone do this...When we see someone speak up and act courageously, it's important to go up to them and them them for it.

AMANDA: Yeah, I think back to...I'm a lawyer...and in law school there were these moments where it was often Black woman who would say what needed to be said, We had been talking about a case for 45-minutes and talking around the real issues of race or white supremacy or all of that and then there would be the person would just cut through it all and say what so many people were thinking and feeling and it being important to go over to that person, you know, or in the moment, in front of everyone, building on that comment so that it's something that's affirmed right there in-front of everybody else. And just standing alongside that person and I think that there can never be enough people who are saying what needs to be said and so, just affirming that courage when we see it and when we hear it.

ZAK: Yeah, this should be taught in schools. Like, what an important life-skill this is, to affirm someone else's courage and to practice it yourself when you can. And we're not taught that.

AMANDA: Yeah, it's a micro-thing and I think that I learned it from a friend of mine who is just really good at that and it was a law school friend who just modeled that really well and I saw the way that their, um, affirming that courage it made it ripple. You know? So, suddenly you have not just courageous individuals but a whole community of people who are emboldened by each other's courage.

ZAK: Yeah. Yeah. Courage is contagious.

AMANDA: Yeah. I mean I think it's really then creating a culture of courage.

ZAK: All week on The Best Advice Show, I'm featuring Amanda's advice. She first collected it in the Boston Globe in a piece entitled, How Black Woman Have Built Movements and Cultivated Joy. This is part 3 of Amanda week and I'm excited to bring you two more episodes, tomorrow and Friday. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for thanking the brave ones among you.

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Mar 03, 2021
Defining the Future with Amanda Alexander
6:19

Amanda Alexander is the founding Executive Director of the Detroit Justice Center.

How Black women have built movements and cultivated joy by Amanda Alexander - https://www.bostonglobe.com/2021/02/11/opinion/how-black-women-have-built-movements-cultivated-joy/

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Last summer Amanda Alexander and her friend Mo Connolly were at a protest together. It was led by students calling for Police free schools in Detroit and as they were leaving the rally, Mo asked Amanda...

MO: In the wake of everything that's going on, how do you stay focused on joy and possibility and liberation? How can I raise Fiona with that sense of possibility?

ZAK: Fiona is Mo's daughter. And though Amanda and Mo aren't actually sisters, Amanda is Fio's honorary aunt. And Mo's question got Amanda thinking a lot. She compiled her thoughts in a letter to Fiona. It was published in the Boston Globe recently and all week, Amanda and I are talking about it and the advice it contains. Like this...Define the future worth fighting for.

AMANDA: So, this is one where I try to stay very clear on what is a question worth fighting for? What is at stake? I say in the letter that there are so many well meaning people in the world who would have you believe that the question of our day is how do we end cash bail? Or, how do we keep police from shooting black people? And I think the powerful thing that our movements have shown in the last few years is it's not about demanding scraps or the basics of what we think we can win but staying focused on what is the future that we're truly fighting for. Like, what does it actually gonna take for black people to thrive and be free and so I say it's not these other questions about cash bail or police shootings, it's the same question that freedom movements have posed for generations which is how do we expand black joy and liberation and ensure that all people on the planet can thrive?

AMANDA: And lately I've been thinking of it in terms of, how can we have all the elders that we're supposed to have? I am tired of losing people in their 40s or 50s or 60s and I think it's going to take a lot for us to create the conditions where we can just delight in watching each other grow old, you know? I want to be 80 and 90 and watching each other. And I think if we stay focused on that vision and what it's gonna take in terms of the whole shift in society to get there, that to me is what it means to define the future that we're fighting for and it also means being able to define what victory is and isn't so that we know that we're not settling for something that's less than that. Or a vision that's too small. And so I shared in the letter to Fiona that, you know, Rosa Parks has been painted as an integrationist and she was always clear in her time that if wasn't about integration. That wasn't the point. It wasn't about getting to sit next to white men on the bus. The ultimate goal was to discontinue all forms of oppression against everyone who is weak and oppressed. And so when she was black listed down in Montgomery after the bus boycott, she couldn't find a job. Her husband couldn't find a job. She came up to Detroit and she spent the never several decades working on housing and economic development here in the city and building up things like the first Black-owned shopping center in the country in the early 1980s. She knew that the work was to cultivate Black freedom and to create the conditions that we would need for all us to thrive and it was simply about integrating the bus system. And I think it's that clarity of vision that probably kept her focus on the long haul of the struggle.

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Mar 02, 2021
Practicing Freedom with Amanda Alexander
6:46

Amanda Alexander is the founding Executive Director of the Detroit Justice Center.

How Black women have built movements and cultivated joy by Amanda Alexander https://www.bostonglobe.com/2021/02/11/opinion/how-black-women-have-built-movements-cultivated-joy/

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: One of Amanda's nieces is named Fiona, or Fio. And Fio is the inspiration for all the advice Amanda is gonna share this week.

AMANDA: So this was last summer when people had taken to the streets in the wake of the calling of George Floyd and Brianna Taylor and Tony McDade and Elijah McClain and so many people. And I had gone to a rally that was called by some brave, young organizers here in the city of Detroit and they were calling for police free schools. So they were demanding that all of the funding for police be cut by next here. And Mo and I were there with her daughter, Fiona, who is now almost 2 years-old and we were leaving the rally and Mo turned to me and just said, you know, in the face of everything that's going on. All of the misery and trauma and everything that we're up against, how do you stay focused on joy and possibility and liberation? And the second part to her question was, how can I raise Fiona with that sense of possibility? And I certainly can't give parenting advice. I'm not a parent. I wouldn't presume to do that. But I did think there might be some things I could share with Fiona directly. So I decided after giving her what felt like a throwaway answer, I promised to give it more thought and sat down and spent some time with old journals thinking back on what are some of these practices that feel second-nature to me now that are so part of how I live. What is there that I could pass on to Fiona as she's coming up? And what could be useful to her and to folks in her generation.

ZAK: Amanda's letter to Fiona was first published in the Boston Globe on February 11th. The headline is, How Black Woman Have Built Movements and Cultivated Joy. And so all week Amanda and I are gonna dig in to that letter and talk about some of the advice that she shared with Fiona which I think is also very relevant to you and me. Today's advice, practice your freedom.

AMANDA: So this one I wanted to let Fio know that even-though we are fighting to be free, we also have to practice our freedom now. Most weeks I'll take a tech Sabbath so I just put my phone away and laptop away and I sit down in the morning at my dining room table and I write out a list and at the top of the page I write, TODAY I WANT. And then I listen. I want to make it clear this is not a to-do list. This isn't a list of things I should do but it's a list of things that if I really listen deeply to my gut and to my intuition, it's what I want. Today I want to be by the water or I want to take a walk through tall trees or I want to hear my friend's voice. And it keeps me in the habit of being guided by my intuition and making sure that I know what I want and I know what it feels like to practice my freedom and making sure there's a distinction between that and the imposition of someone else's will. And I got this idea after reading Lorraine Hansberry's list she had written back in 1960. She would write a list of her likes and hates. Things like, I love Mahalia Jackson's music. I like my husband most of the time. I like dressing up. And what stuck me was how well she knew her interior world. As a Black, queer woman in the 50s and 60s and I just really admired that and I wondered, do I know myself that way? Do I know how I feel most free? So I wanted to challenge myself to do that every week and to stay in that practice and to know what feels good to me. How I want to move through the day and by knowing that I can then communicate what I feel, what I want and what I need and it helps me show up in my relationships better.

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Mar 01, 2021
Improvising Salads with Kamala Puligandla
5:45

Kamala Puligandla is the author of the novella, You Can Vibe Me On My FemmePhone and writes The Dyke Kitchen Column at Autostraddle.

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: It's Food Friday.

KAMALA: I'm Kamala Puligandla. I'm a writer. I do a lot of things but it usually revolves around writing.

ZAK: Kamala writes a column called The Dyke Kitchen and I knew I needed to talk to her after I read her piece, The Art of Salad.

KAMALA: Yeah. I don't know, I love salads because I think the possibilities are endless and I think all the things that I might want to eat when I'm hungry...If I don't really know what I want, all the things I could want will be in a salad.

ZAK: For people who don't feel like free-form salad musicians, how do you think one can practice becoming a better salad improviser?

KAMALA: I think part of it is having a bunch of stuff ready. I always have citrus at my house. Partially cause I'm in LA because you can turn it into a dressing or you can put it in whole and it will just drip its juices in, which is one of my favorite lazy salad methods. Put a bunch of wet stuff in your salad and then you don't have to make a dressing. That's kind of one of my cheats for salads.

ZAK: I consider my mom a salad artist and I think that's where I get a lot of my chops from. Pun intended I guess. Chops. Like, for people who aren't confident in making salads or think that salads are boring, how can you help them feel more empowered in making a delicious salad that's actually gonna be satisfying.

KAMALA: I think that people have this notion that salads are gonna be healthy and I think if you discard that, you're more likely to have a better salad. So, the thing is it's going to be healthy if you're eating vegetables. But you still have to use fat or else it tastes terrible and also a friend of mine told me that you have to have fat in order to digest the raw ingredients, so I was like, ok, great! So there's that and you can also put spices and flavors in to your salad. It doesn't have to be a bare, acetic salad. I put chicken in there and I'll grill my chicken with fish sauce and curry paste and other things like that, so that it's definitely not a boring salad. I think all the things you might like in a non-salad food, you can have in a salad food too. Sometimes I put the seasoning that I would put in my beans in my salad dressing. And things like that where I'm just like, what is some other taste that I like and then I'll put it in a salad.

ZAK: This is such good salad therapy.

KAMALA: I'm glad! Wait, what are your favorite salads?

ZAK: Oh, last week I made a chicken shawarma salad where the dressing was tahini.

KAMALA: That sounds so good.

ZAK: With pickled cucumbers and pickled radishes. Um, when your grocery shopping, do you think about the salad that you're eventually gonna make?

KAMALA: Sometimes I do. A lot of times I don't. The way that I grocery shop is like, ok, I sort of set my fridge up like someone's deli bar at the store except for it's in my refrigerator. So, I'll be like, ok, here's a couple vegetable I'm gonna cook a particular way that's like, flavorful but I could always add more to it and then I also get a couple of proteins that I'm gonna do something do and then it's like, ok, do you want to have it with noodles, do you want to have it with rice? Do you want to just put them together? Do you want to put that in an egg dish?

ZAK: You have them prepped already?

KAMALA: Yeah, so one of my favorite things to do is just to blanch broccoli and blanch green beans and then they're pretty much ready to eat but I could cook them again if I wanted to or I could just throw them into things, like if I'm making instant noodles, I could put broccoli in there. I also roast eggplant a lot and that's one of my favorite salad ingredients. So I just have a little thing in the fridge of whatever vegetables I bought that week. I guess I'm not putting a lot of raw ingredients in the salad except for my greens.

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Feb 26, 2021
Coming Back with Greg Fox
3:20

Greg Fox (@gdfx) is composer, drummer, teacher and coach. He was last on the show talking about the 2 of 3 rule in episode #129.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: You might remember Greg Fox from episode 129 of this show. He talked about the 2 of 3 rule. The idea is you need two of the following three things for a project that you're thinking about to be worthwhile.

GREG: And those three things are, good hang, good product and three, good pay.

ZAK: Today Greg, who is a composer, drummer, teacher and coach is back with some more advice and an exercise he teaches his drumming students.

GREG: In my teaching, the first exercise I teach everybody is an exercise of just spending five-minutes doing single strokes while focusing on the breath.

ZAK: Single strokes. Just left, right, left right, left, right. This is something you can try at home. You don't need to be a drummer to practice this. All you have to do while you're doing left, right, left, right is just to notice when your thoughts start to drift.

GREG: And then bringing them back to the breath. And that practice is not about how much of this five-minutes can I spend fully focused on my breathing as some sort of measurement of success or failure. It's about those moments where you notice, oh, I'm thinking about this thing that happened yesterday or I'm thinking about this thing I'm excited or anxious about that's gonna happen tomorrow and say, oh, I am thinking about this thing. Now I'm focusing back on my breath. And that's the exercise, right? Coming back. And so if you're doing that while you're drumming, right...I am drumming and then the thoughts start to drift, I'm over here thinking about when I was in my car yesterday and had this argument with somebody...Oh wait a minute. I'm drumming. Come back here. It's not about perfectly always being in this levitated moment. It's just reminding yourself to check in and remember, oh, I'm just in this body right here in this moment. And what am I doing right now?

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Feb 25, 2021
Quoting Yourself with Alexandra Cohl
3:31

Alexandra Cohl (@pod.draland) is the host of The Pod Broads podcast.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Are you someone who wants to be heard but you feel a little nervous to actually come out and say the thing?

ALEXANDRA: And someone who wants to connect with other people and feel seen and help other people feel seen and someone who ultimately does like to share parts of themselves in a public space.

ZAK: If so, you should heed Alexandra Cohl's advice, which is this...

ALEXANDRA: Do not be afraid to quote yourself and share the words that you say. You have important, thoughtful, funny and quotable shit to say and you don't have to wait for someone else to do it for you.

ZAK: That's Alexandra Cohl reading from a post she wrote on Instagram last year. In other words, that's Alexandra quoting herself, quoting herself about quoting oneself.

ALEXANDRA: So, don't be afraid to quote yourself is essentially saying, don't be afraid to identify what about yourself is important and worth being heard. It is not atypical for woman to feel like people are gonna view them as full of themselves if they are shouting themselves out or being very confident. You know? Like an "overly-confident woman" is seen as a negative thing in society. Not with everyone of course, but as a societal structure, that's kind of a thing that goes along with it.

ZAK: Yeah. Yeah. And what do you think is the difference between you before you started sharing parts of yourself and Alexandra know? Someone who posts a lot and who quotes themselves a lot.

ALEXANDRA: I would say, prior to doing this I was way more stuck in my anxiety, depressive cycles and my feelings of being very alone. And I deal with PTSD and i think this has been an outlet for me to be able to come back into my power and to not be afraid to speak up in situations where in the past I wasn't able to do that. And so its really helped me cultivate and hone my own voice an opinions in a place where I get to hold the reigns and I'm not answering to anyone.


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Feb 24, 2021
Procrastinating Properly with Mason Currey
6:40

Mason Currey (@masoncurrey) is a writer living in LA.

Mason Currey's Subtle Maneuvers - https://subtlemaneuvers.substack.com/

John Cage on music and mushrooms - https://subtlemaneuvers.substack.com/p/john-cage-on-music-and-mushrooms

How about singing the chorus to Yellow Submarine and sending the recording to ZAK@BESTADVICE.SHOW for use in a near-future episode? THANK YOU.

TRANSCRIPT:

MASON: So, my advice is specifically for people doing creative work or people doing work that involves a lot of idea generating or problem-solving which I think is a lot of people. And it comes from an e-mail interview I did with the artist, Maira Kalman. For my first book I was asking her about her daily routine and her work habits and in one of her replies she said, "I procrastinate just the right amount." And I remember thinking at the time, yeah, haha, me too. But since then I've come to think there's a real kernel of wisdom in that response. That, actually it's kind of an idea. To procrastinate just the right now amount because at least in the all the research I've done on writers' and artists' habits and creative process, you see how important ruminating on an idea is, letting an idea percolate in the back of your mind. I think we've all had the experience with, you kind of plant the seed and then you have an idea out of the blue while you're in the shower or taking the walk. But you need that PLUS a burst of focused, head-down work. You kind of need both things. And I think procrastinating just the right amount is kind of a great strategy or shortcut to getting the ideal balance of letting the idea percolate...letting your brain gnaw away at it in the background and then actually executing the piece of work and getting it done.

ZAK: And how have you figured out how to build procrastination into your routine.

MASON: I think I'm maybe a natural at that. This whole project of studying people's routines began with an act of procrastination. Many years ago I was supposed to be writing an article for this magazine I worked at, at the time. I went into the office on a Sunday afternoon. I was gonna do this thing and instead I was slacking off, surfing the internet and I was reading interviews with, like, writers about their routines cause it felt like maybe that would get me in the mood to work and I was like, somebody should start a blog to collect these little snippets. And then instead of writing this article I started this blog and over the course of many years it turned into book projects and now this newsletter, but I always felt bad about procrastinating. I never felt like I was doing something good or effective or strategic. And now I'm starting to think it's not something to feel bad about. It works for me. I think it works for a lot of creative people and maybe you should cultivate it a little bit instead of beating yourself up about it.

ZAK: Yeah, that's a big point. Just the way that you view procrastination. Because if you have shame around it rather than, like you're saying, just cultivating kind of a positive air around it...the shame is going to impact the work and impact the amount you procrastinate.

MASON: Also, if you get an assignment and get straight to work on it, you might be being very efficient but I think you're missing out on the part of the process that leads to the best work. You're missing out on the...you plant the seed and then let it work away in the back of your mind. That kind of efficiency might be inefficient in creative work because you're losing out on part of the process that leads to the best ideas. And then doing this effectively requires understanding yourself, understanding your own habits and your process and that is always a good thing to try to do creative work. Like, I think you should be aware of how you work best. When you've had success what kind of conditions created that?

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Feb 23, 2021
Letting Them Be with Lorraine McDonald
5:04

Lorraine McDonald is a mom, spouse and family doctor living in Oregon.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

For a fun time, please record yourself, solo or with your pod, singing the chorus of Yellow Submarine and send it to me at ZAK@bestADVICE.show or leave it as a voicemail at 844-935-BEST.

TRANSCRIPT:

LORRAINE: My advice is never try to achieve a greater level of happiness with children. When your child is happy don't get in the way of that. Don't try to make it better or improve what they're doing. Don't interrupt their flow. Just let them be.

ZAK: It's fantastic. Do you think it applies to adults too?

LORRAINE: Absolutely. I think it applies...we learned it with out first our child in that she was a kind of sensitive baby and if you would go up to the mobile and show her, look how this bell rings...she would just start crying when she was happily looking at the mobile. So, my husband and I would say, don't try to achieve a greater level of happiness. And it works all the way up to adulthood. Imagine, you're working on a puzzle and your partner comes along and says, hey, did you know this piece goes here?! I think that it wouldn't make you happier. It would maybe annoy you and interrupt your enjoyment of what you were doing.

ZAK: In a way, it sounds like you've kind of removed some of the ego from being the all-knowing mom and just to step back and watch them. How do you think that impacts their development?

LORRAINE: I think it actually improves your relationship with them and as far as their development, they're more independent and courageous and willing to try things and then come and talk to you about it and that solidifies your relationship more than if you're standing over their shoulder trying to help them get to the goal faster.

ZAK: Right. Yep. I find myself doing that a lot. Like, my 3 year-old is trying to do this puzzle but she's maybe not even doing the puzzle. She's just stacking the puzzle pieces. And my impulse is to get her on track. But, like, what am I doin!? She's having fun stacking the puzzle pieces.

LORRAINE: Right. And maybe you can just say to yourself internally, I'm really enjoying watching her have fun with those puzzle pieces.

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Feb 22, 2021
Haitian Flavor-Basing with Cybille St. Aude Tate
4:03

Cybille St. Aude Tate (@cybillestaude) is a chef and author living in Philadelphia.

Haitian Epis - http://haitiancooking.com/recipe/haitian-epis/

I'm famished for your Food Friday Advice! Call me @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Back in episode #185, Savitha Viswanathan talked about making an Indian miraproix, a really strong flavor base you can use in a bunch of dishes.

SAVITHA: Onions, garlic, ginger and green chile.

ZAK: We're gonna go down a similar road today but in an entirely different part of the world.

CYBILLE: My name is Cybille St. Aude Tate. I am a children's book author and chef.

ZAK: More advice in packing in flavor efficiently and effectively today on Food Friday.

CYBILLE: Epis is like the golden goose of Haitian gastronomy. Epis is used as a marinade for meats or for fishes. It's also used as a flavoring base for soups and stews and rice dishes. And originally, it started off as kind of being scraps or whatever you had in your fridge, kind of coming together and being pureed as something that you could just, kind of, hold and utilize whenever you needed it. So, the basis of it is a flavor-additive but it's also a celebration of all the tasty, aromatic aspects of Caribbean cooking. The beautiful thing about epis is that you can make it on a lazy Sunday and you'll have it in your fridge for weeks. It's great too because you'll pack all your flavor in there and you don't have to consume yourself with adding too much salt or sodium or extra stuff to you meals because the epis really takes care of it all.

ZAK: What about ratios? How should we be thinking about how much of each thing to include?

CYBILLE: That's also the beautiful thing about epis and the most frustrating thing about certain Caribbean food elements is that when our aunties and grandma's are making these things, they're just throwing things in there. So my rule of thumb is that I make to make a big batch of it...I use a lot. You can't buy half a bunch of cilantro, right? You have to buy the whole bunch of cilantro and so to control your waste with that, I'm letting those herbs that I have to buy large quantities of kind of navigate how much I'm preparing because if I don't have another use for the cilantro, it's gonna go bad. Cilantro goes bad so quickly. So, I just use like a bunch of cilantro, a bunch of parsley. A head of celery, two bell peppers. Just making sure that the ratio is somewhat proportionate and equal and even. And no epis is created equal. Someone might not like cilantro. There are so many cilantro hater out there! That's like a thing.

ZAK: Yeah, it's very divisive.

CYBILLE: Yeah. So if you don't like cilantro and parsley's your jam or if neither of those work for you, you can pick another herb. You can pick thyme, basil, rosemary. Just make sure that not one element is outshining the rest because you really want a nice complimentary, well-bounded flavor or seasoning because it's easier for it to adapt to the many applications of this one dish.

ZAK: I put an epis recipe in the show notes today. Remember, it's interpretive. Make it what you want. You should follow Cybille St. Aude on Instagram. She's doing some really interesting work at the intersection of food and culture and community.

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Feb 19, 2021
Quelling Jealousy with Nicole Thurman
3:04

Niccole Thurman is a Los Angeles-based Actress, Improviser and Writer. Most recently, you could catch her on Indebted (NBC), in the movie Desperados (Netflix). A Black Lady Sketch Show (HBO) and Shrill (Hulu).

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

NICCOLE: I'm Niccole Thurman. I'm an actress. I'm a writer. I do comedy. I'm a cool aunt. Those are my jobs.

ZAK: There's this mantra Nicolle has for herself. Don't get jealous. Just work harder.

NICCOLE: Cause, of course you're gonna get jealous and want to be competitive. It's human nature, especially I think there's some American thing like, I want to keep up with the Jones'. I want this. I want that. You're not satisfied with what you have in the moment. But once you start to realize that getting jealous is not gonna do anything except creative negativity and take the focus off what you need to be doing. Once you realize that that's not helping you, your brain starts to rewire itself, I feel like.

ZAK: How do you see or how have you noticed your work ethic evolve since you've internalized this?

NICCOLE: It just changes the way you think about work because instead of working to beat someone else, you're working against yourself or you're working more within yourself so you are more focused than you would be. And I think that once you start having that mantra repeating in your head, you start working differently. You start working more within yourself and for your own goals and not looking in the periphery. You're just looking forward to what you want to do. And it's inspired by a positive reason. It's not inspired by wanting to beat someone else down or take them down. It's inspired by just wanting to better yourself.

ZAK: So I just went on to IMDB and you have so many credits. It looks like you're working a lot. You're in shows that I've watched and are respected. Do you think there is a point at which you get where the jealousy receded entirely?

NICCOLE: I don't know. For me, I don't get super jealous but I definitely want something more. Which is, you know, I'm learning to work through that and not do that as much because it's not helpful at all. It's also about learning to be grateful for what you have. When you say, I look at this and see all these credits and to me I'm like, Oh yeah, but they're not THE credits I want! So getting past that. But I think it will always be there. I think that's what propels you to do more but it also can hinder your work.

ZAK: This is good. And I really like that Niccole isn't claiming that you can get rid of jealously. Of course you're can't but you can quiet it down.

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Feb 17, 2021
Composing Forgiveness with Kat Harris
4:25

Kat Harris (@therefinedwoman) is an author, coach and host of The Refined Collective Podcast.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: You've been cheated on. You've been lied to. You've been taken advantage of. Someone stole something from you. Someone offended. Someone abused. Someone assaulted you. Before you confront the person that wronged you, maybe consider this strategy.

KAT: I will write a letter to that person that I never send to them. So, let me get out on a piece of paper every thing that I want to say. You cheated on me. You lied to me. And when you did that, this is how it made me feel. And, I'm angry. I'm pissed. And I want you to know this. And so, really almost, you know...we have these fake conversations in our hand of, oh, if I got another chance to talk to that person, I would say this! Do that. Write it all out. Don't send it and sit with it for a day or two and then write yourself a letter back from that person.

ZAK: Damn.

KAT: What do you need to hear from them? When I've done that with people that have hurt me or ex's or family members, it's amazing how healing it actually is and how oftentimes, all i really want is to be acknowledged. I'm so sorry I did that. I wish I wouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry for the pain that I've caused you. If I could take it back I would. Just write out exactly the words that you need to hear because the reality is, you may never get those words. And when I hold on to un-forgiveness in my body, it only impacts me.

ZAK: There's a time and a place, right, to do actual conflict-resolution in your life. But what you're talking about is, this is instances where it doesn't need to resolve itself?

KAT: Yeah. It could be with a person in your life that maybe they're not on this earth any more. I have friends that have un-forgiveness toward parents who are no longer on this earth. It could be a person that you are not in relationship with and it doesn't feel right to have that closure with them. It could be with someone who you want to have an in-person conflict-resolution with but you first want to figure out, what am I actually upset about here. And so, before going balls to the wall in an in-person conversation or a FaceTime, Zoom, whatever that may be...You really sitting with, what's coming up for me? What in me feels pricked by this situation? What boundaries feel violated? And, what actually do I want to hear from them because I think sometimes we feel hurt and that feeling of hurt feels so big or anger feels so big but typically under anger is sadness, disappointment, feeling the rejection, not being seen. And so, really I think that letter exercise gives you that permission to let the dust settle a little bit and figure out, oh, here's what's really coming up for me. I thought it was this but really, it's this.

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Feb 17, 2021
Reframing Moments with Evan Major
2:14

Evan Major is a social worker and parent in Hamtramck, Michigan.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

EVAN: My name is Evan Major and I am a school social worker and first-time parent and I got the piece of sage advice from a friend when approaching this journey that every age is the best age and that's what I wish to pass on.

ZAK: I'm coming off a historically awful night's sleep. Our baby was up every couple of hours. Some type of 5-month regression or something and I was feeling so bad for myself in the middle of the night. I was resenting being a parent. I was resenting all the responsibilities I had taken on in deciding to become a parent and I was feeling pretty low. And so today I'm gonna try to be more like Evan and remember that...

EVAN: Every age is the best age.

ZAK: Every age is the best age.

EVAN: Instead of, you know, when they're not sleeping through the night and screaming and trying to bang their head on the crib, you know, to be lamenting that and think about your level of sleep deprivation or how unsure you are of what comes next and how clueless you ultimately are as a first-time parent. It's easy to focus on those things. But just have an appreciation for every moment makes you think, wow, I really like the sound of that cry, you know. I'd like to think of it as a song. Wow, he's really trying to communicate. Wow, he's such a good communicator. Wow, this is such a special moment. It's not gonna happen again.

ZAK: Yawns. Every age is the best age. Every age is the best age. You've been listening to The Best Advice Show. I want to hear your advice. Every age is the best age. Call me at 844-935-BEST.


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Feb 16, 2021
Establishing Boundaries with Lewis Raven Wallace
4:55

Lewis Raven Wallace is an award-winning independent journalist based in Durham, North Carolina, and a cofounder of Press On, a Southern collective supporting journalism for liberation. Their book and podcast is called The View From Somewhere.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Today on The Best Advice Show, we're gonna talk about boundaries with Lewis Raven Wallace.

LEWIS: I'm a writer, journalist and podcaster. I have a book and a podcast called The View from Somewhere about the myth of journalistic objectivity and how that myth has been used to uphold racism and transphobia and the status-quo. I have a piece of advice that I give myself a lot but also that I started giving, sometimes, in work shops and sometimes to editors and just in general, which is, why don't you just google it. So, for me the context typically has to do with gender and sexuality issues. There's a lot of terminology around being trans and that terminology changes a lot and there are lots of interesting debates in the community about the terminology, but pretty much all of it is google-able. What does F to M stand for? I don't understand what trans-feminine means. I'll get into a thing with an editor or just a person in my life, who, their reaction to a piece of terminology that's really well known in the trans community is like, but I don't know what means.

ZAK: And they come to you and tell you that?

LEWIS: Right. Or, they have this idea that trans people specifically owe them an explanation and what's funny about is...the conundrum about it is is that there's not one definition for these words. There are all these different understandings. And so, if you google it, you can find out what the debates are and what the different opinions are and you and kind of get up to speed and asking your one trans person to explain it to you, first of all is kind of weird and tokenizing but second of all, it potentially limits your understanding, you know? Cause I feel like people are really afraid and I'm afraid too sometimes if I don't know something and as a white person about race I'll be like, oh gosh, I don't know.

LEWIS: Like, for me, it's like this practice of boundaries, right? I'm 36. I' came out as trans when I was 16 so more than half my life has been as a very visible gender non-conforming person. And that started at a time when it was a lot less known about it and a lot more questions and just so much of my personal energy has gone to explaining myself to people and especially when I was younger and trying to explain and trying to be understood but at the end of the day all I'm asking for is for folks to just respect my self-determination and self-identity and that has nothing to do with how much information you do or don't have and so I think often too that people pose this sort of, well I don't understand as a defense. It's not a desire to understand. It's an excuse for not understanding and I learned that over time and became very frustrated and angry and realized that I needed to have better boundaries with that and just be like, you know what, I'm not here to help you understand. You can choose to respect and accept me or not and that's your decision AND you can use google for like, 90 percent of these things and then come and talk to me when we're close enough to where it would actually be appropriate to ask me that question. So, as you can see, there's some bitterness but also it's been such a healthy practice for me to set that boundary and to suggest that to other people and its been empowering and clarifying and clarifying for me in other areas of my life where I might have that same fear or guilt or weird navigation and then I realize, oh, I can just google it. I can take my own advice and not be that guy and just use the google before I'm like, I don't get it. I don't understand.

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Feb 15, 2021
Game-ifying Cooking with Al
3:58

Al is a professor and created the Single Folks Food Tumblr.

https://singlefolksfood.tumblr.com/

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Every Friday on the show, we do something Food-related. But it's still relationship week so today I'm gonna combine the two with Al.

ZAK: You ever eat off the spatula?

AL: Oh yeah! Laughter

ZAK: Awhile ago, Al was going through a break-up

AL: And I had been living with that person for 2 years and we did all of our chores together. We did the cooking, the laundry, the everything and so now the basic facts of my life...the subsistence chores behaviors all became twice as long as they had been.

ZAK: Right. So, what did you do?

AL: What I did is I started playing a game with myself where I would just see how few dishes I could use to make a meal and keep a tally for myself. I mean it's not a revolutionary idea but one thing that I just did is I warmed some tortillas on the stove without anything and cut up an avocado and sliced the avocado in the avocado shell and put the salt in the avocado shell and then just sort of squeezed the avocado out from the skin on to the warmed up tortillas. So I did use a plate for the tortillas but I think, in theory, I could have just squeezed it directly into the tortilla in my hand.

ZAK: Right. So no pots and plates and one plate at most. So that's a win.

AL: That's a win. Yeah.

ZAK: So you're like, game-ifying this process that at first was just depressing and overwhelming?

AL: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's trying to infuse a situation that just felt like resentment and exhaustion and disappointment and turn it into something exciting...that I can be excited to do.

ZAK: And the objective is, don't use too many dishes and what else?

AL: Feed myself. Laughter. At some point, not to make light of, at some point it just became very difficult to feed myself and I think part of it is can I just feel a little but excited about taking care of own body and also make it as easy on myself as possible. So, little clean-up, low clean-up.

ZAK: If you are in Al's boat and are having a hard time motivating yourself to cook, you should check-out their Tumblr. It's called SingleFolksFood.Tumblr.Com, One-Dish Easy Prep Meals for Vaguely Conscious People with No One to impress. I


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Feb 12, 2021
Letting it Go with Lindsey Maddin
2:35

Lindsey Maddin is a legendary mother, daughter, sister and friend from Metro-Detroit.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: It's relationship advice week and today, my older sister Lindsey and I are going to talk about nit-picking.

LINDSEY: With your partner, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend. Just think, if you're really annoyed at something and think you're about to get into a fight...Sometimes people get annoyed at how their partner loads the dishwasher. Maybe just let them load the dishwasher and don't make it a whole thing.

ZAK: Right, if they don't do it the same way as you, what does it matter? They're not saving as many cubic inches as you, per plate. Who really cares. That kind of thing?

LINDSEY: Exactly. I just think about, is this something that's gonna bother me in 24-hours. And more often than not, the answer is no and it's like, ok, I'm annoyed right now. I'll just take a breath and leave it.

ZAK: Because the nit-picky things are the things that don't matter the next day.

LINDSEY: Exactly. And it's hard. I'm not perfect at it by any means. But I do find that if I think about it...I'm like, ok, instead of just being like, why aren't you doing it this way, be happy that they're doing it all. There's definitely things that I do that are I know bothersome and they don't always get addressed. So, try to give the benefit of the doubt and just let some of these small things blow over.

ZAK: Right.

LINDSEY: And then if it is something that still bothers me the next day, I will communicate about it and deal with it then or, even maybe write something down to get my thoughts out and have a more thought-out fight if you want to call it that or discussion.

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Feb 11, 2021
Emphasizing Your Quirks with Conor Barnes
5:33

Conor Barnes write the blog, ideopunk. Check out his expansive list of 100 tips for a better life.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: This week on the show, I'm sharing relationship advice. And today, I've got something for you to think about next time you're on a date and really, next time you're getting to know anyone new.

ZAK: My guest is Conor Barnes and his advice is inspired by a book called Models by Mark Manson. Here's how Conor articulates a piece of Manson's dating advice.

CONOR: When dating, de-emphasizing your quirks will lead to 90% of people thinking you're kind of alright. Emphasizing your quirks will lead to 10% of people thinking you're fascinating and fun. Those are the people interested in dating you. Aim for them. Often when people date, I think they're kind of, how to say it, they're not playing to win, they're playing not to lose. So, their goal is to be kind of acceptable to all the people they're seeing on dates, in hopes, like, that they won't ruin it. They're like, G-d, if only this person will accept me. I have to hide the parts of myself that don't quite fit or are edgy or are risky. And, Mark Manson argues and I would argue cause it just made so much sense to me is that, that's actually a terrible strategy. The goal in dating isn't to find somebody who finds you acceptable. The goal is to find somebody who's really exciting about you and somebody that you're really excited about. Like, you don't want to be with somebody who thinks, oh, they're alright. You want to be with somebody who's like, whoa, this person is weird like me or weird in a way I've never encountered before. I keep thinking about them.

ZAK: Yeah.

CONOR: Yeah. I think that's really crucial but the issue is that it's scary to do that.

ZAK: What's your area of weirdness? Cause I could tell you mine.

CONOR: Oh, please. If you go first, I might be able to think of one.

ZAK: I sometimes fear that I'm bringing up pooping or farting too soon in a relationship.

CONOR: Right, right! Yeah, that's a perfect example. Yeah, that would turn off a good chunk of people. But if you find the right person with it, you're set.

ZAK: That's right!

CONOR: What comes to mind right now is an instance where I didn't shy away from it and it led to the date not working out. I was on this date with somebody who, we found each other online and we both were really into music. That was great. We'll go on a date and talk about music. And that particular month, I was in a huge metal phase and the woman asked me, what are you listening to right now. I said, right now I'm really stoked about Pig Destroyer.

ZAK: Is that a band?

CONOR: Yeah, they're a grind-core band. And I was like, check out this album and this song. The album has this grotesque cover art and the lyrics are just brutal and to me I think it's really well done. But, I realized, wait, this was a risky thing to do on the first date. And then I never heard from her again. And at first I was like, aw shoot, I shouldn't have brought that up. And then right after, I thought, no, if she was into metal too or thought that it was neat, that could have been great.

ZAK: Conor's advice on dating is 1 of 100 tips for a better life he recently shared on his blog, ideopunk.

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Feb 10, 2021
Spontaneous Transformation with AprilRose
4:06

April is the host of, AprilRose Speaking available wherever you listen to podcasts.

https://anchor.fm/april-stephens/episodes/Ep--53-Why-Business-Women-should-Acquire-Negotiating-Skills-elfprn

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: A little while ago I started collecting your grandparent's best advice. Or just things they did or said that stuck with you in someway. It started with Sam and his grandma.

SAM: And the only piece of advice I ever heard her give was, be polite and do whatever the hell you want. And that is what's on her gravestone in South Florida.

ZAK: And then Laura called in to tell me about this thing that her grandma did that she now tried to emulate.

LAURA: Just by example. She didn't tell me to do this. But I learned after she had died that she had done something very kind for someone. And she never talked about it. I thought that was such an interesting practice that I try to do that myself.

ZAK: If you're holding some memorable advice from one of your grandparents, I would love to hear it. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. So it was many years ago and April was at her grandma's house. She had just gone through a break-up.

APRIL: I was just sitting there. I think Lifetime was on. I must have had this sad look on my face. I wasn't really say too much. I think she just picked up on my vibe and she looked at me and she knew what I was going through. We didn't really talk about it in detail. She looked at me and said I just want you to know that you're not a throwaway girl.

ZAK: Did you think before you said that you were a throwaway girl?

APRIL: I just didn't understand why somebody who knew that I loved them wouldn't allow me to love them. So, it kind of made me feel like it was something wrong with me...it's something that people probably don't like about me, you know? Maybe that was my thought-process before and so it really flipped my perspective like, hey, this relationship didn't work but I'm not throwaway girl. Let's pick the pieces back up. Let's put some nice clothes on and have some fun with the girls and move on with my life. And that's how I live my life every single day and I teach my children that too.

ZAK: I wasn't sure this was true before but I've heard April talk about it and a couple other people I recently talked to...this thing about hearing the right words at the right time from the right person...

APRIL: I want you to know that you're not a throwaway girl.

ZAK: And in a moment, you're changed...like actually changed.

APRIL: And that really set me up not only for moving forward as far as relationships and picking the pieces up and knowing that I deserve love. And just because this relationship didn't work or this man decided he did not want to be with me and I had his children...that didn't mean my life was over. I could still be appreciated for who I am.

ZAK: April is the host of AprilRose speaking, a podcast you can find wherever you listen to The Best Advice Show.


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Feb 09, 2021
Tempering Rage with Eileen MacDougall
5:46

Eileen MacDougall hosts Book Stew on WCTV.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Before I get going, you should know today's episode contains the F-word. Twice. This Sunday is Valentine's Day, and I thought I'd use the holiday, as bogus as it is to some people...to share some relationship advice I've been collecting. If you've been at home, all day, every day with your partner for the past year or so, you might be looking for some strategies to deal with spontaneous rage.

EILEEN: If we hit our ultimate point where we're really in conflict and going after each other, we came up with a way to slow that process down. Other people might find beneficial. It's like a stop-gap measure before your rage goes off the charts.

ZAK: This is Eileen MacDougall.

EILEEN: So, I had been thinking about when our daughter played soccer. Someone did something particularly egregious on the field, the refs had the ability to drop these flags. There was a yellow flag that was a warning and red flag that was ok, you're out of the game. And I thought that was such a great way to stop people from doing stupid things without screaming at them, because obviously, refs can't do that.

ZAK: Refs can't, but, of course, we at home do have screaming as an option. But that's what Eileen and her husband were trying to avoid. Bless them.

EILEEN: So, I have some index cards. Two purple index cards. That's a tribute to Prince cause I love Prince. And on the first one, in big block letters is WTF in red, red Sharpie...which is obviously What The Fuck. And the second one in big block letters is WTAF in gold Sharpie. Which is What the Actual Fuck. And that is the ultimate...that's the equivalent of a yellow card and a red card. And we keep the cards in our napkin basket and our napkin basket sits on the dining room table.

ZAK: So, just to clarify, WTAF is worse than WTF?

EILEEN: Oh, absolutely. You throw the actual in there and that's like, forget it. That's the extra emphasis. So, one time it was a stupid pandemic thing and this one time, which really had to do with Chinese food which is so stupid. So, the protocol behind bringing food in is pretty established. Whoever does the ordering goes out and gets it gets to come home and see a set table. So, that was one time that that didn't happen.

ZAK: Wait, what didn't happen?

EILEEN: He hadn't put glasses of water down at the table. So, it wasn't like there was a completely unset table for Chinese takeout. It was like, he left out one thing and I had just come in from outside. It was cold. I had to schlep to the Chinese place and pick up the food so I think came in and I was, like, a little bit mad about me being the one to go out and then when I looked at the dining room table and there was one element missing, I just lost it. And I was probably on the verge of losing it about everything, anyway. So, I actually threw the WTF card. I picked it up and I dropped it in-front of him at the table. And he looked at me and he picked up the WTAF card and threw it at me. So we had these two cards sitting on the table and we were still in a rage but as soon as the cards came down, we just started laughing cause it was so silly and funny. It forced us to just look at each other and go does this matter? Does this mean anything? Can we get past this? Just the laughing which never would have happened without the cards broke-up the whole disagreement and put us back to maybe merely grumbling at each other and some muted apologies. And that was all we needed. So now we have the cards there and they reside there permanently and I think we've agreed that when we get vaccinated and when things get better, we can either burn the cards or we can just keep them enshrined somewhere in the napkin basket on the dining room table so that they're always there if ever need them.

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Feb 08, 2021
Preparing for Peak Performance with Ray Anthony Barrett
3:25

Ray Anthony Barrett (@rayanthonybarrett) is an artist and chef.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: We made it through another week, friends. You know what that means...Food Friday.

RAY: I'm Ray Anthony Barrett. I'm an artist and chef. I'm on the road working on an art project, searching my roots, learning about a lost knowledge of the land and trying to define for myself what it means to be free today. Before I set out on this journey, I came back to something I learned in Boy Scouts which is be prepared. And as I found my way into kitchens the concept of mise en place fits nicely into that notion of be prepared. It's basically, before you start cooking, you have all your ingredients prepared, chopped and ready to cook. Anthony Bourdain talked about mise en place in terms of the 6 p's in his case which is proper planning prevents piss poor performance. In my experience, having a mantra or motto that is positive or an affirmation is helpful. So I modified that to proper planning produces peak performance. I'm camped in this canyon near the Salton Sea right now and being able to trust my gut and survey the situation and prepare myself accordingly...I make plans, I make to-do lists and, you know, it's like, plan for the worst, hope for the best. But, also, what I'm learning in this...in life and also being out here in the elements, in the wilderness is, you have to be prepared to completely throw that away and adapt to the situation.

ZAK: If you want to live vicariously though Ray on his roadtrip. You an follow him on Instagram at Ray Anthony Barrett. As always, I'm very hungry for your food advice. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. If you're enjoying this show, please leave a rating or review wherever you listen to podcasts. I'll talk to you soon.

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Feb 05, 2021
Drinking Water with Anna North
2:55

Anna North (@annanorthtweets) is a senior reporter at Vox and a novelist. Her newest novel is Outlawed, a Western adventure in an alternate world.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ANNA: I feel like all my best advice is stolen from other people and this advice is something I overheard one of the New York Times political reporters say when we were all covering the 2016 Conventions. So, we're working around the clock, like really stressed, we're very tired and she was like, it's really important when you're on deadline, you know, you're working really hard for a project when you're not able to get a lot of rest of a lot of sleep. You think you want to drink a lot of coffee and keep yourself caffeinated but actually that's bad and it will back-fire. First, you should eat a lot, but most importantly you should drink a ton of water. Like drink water is the most basic advice ever but it actually works. So then I've kind of employed this ever since. Especially if I'm on deadline for something. If there's a really stressful project. The reason it works is that, first of all, you have to get up and pee all the time so if forces you to get up out of your chair and not just be starting at your screen. Second of all, you're hydrated which is good. Third of all, you're just doing something with your hands. Like, I think is why people used to like cigarette breaks, cause you just want to be doing something. So you have water, you're constantly drinking water. It helps you stay focused. This has been hard for me cause I really hate water. I hate drinking water. They tell you drinking 8 glasses...I've always found that so annoying. But, I'll drink water if I have to, like if I'm having dinner or something. But I don't like it. There are people that just enjoy having a nice glass of water and I'm not one of those people. But it really helps when you're on deadline.

My name's Anna North. I'm a senior reporter at Vox and I'm also the author of three novels, the most recent Outlawed, which is out now with Bloomsbury.

ZAK: Drink water. So simple. So important. So obvious but still so difficult for some of us. Thank you, Anna North. What are you doing to make it through? Give me a call at 844-935-BEST. That's 844-935-BEST. If there's someone who you think should hydrate more but you don't know how to tell them, send them this episode. Thanks. Talk to you soon.

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Feb 04, 2021
Practicing Impressions with Josh Ruben
4:45

Josh Ruben is an award-winning actor, writer, and director whose feature film SCARE ME - which he wrote, produced, directed & starred alongside Aya Cash and Chris Redd - debuted at the 2020 Sundance Film Festival.

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You Made it Weird #210 with Josh Ruben - https://archive.nerdist.com/you-made-it-weird-210-josh-ruben/

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To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

--

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: When I need to laugh until it hurts. Like, keep over laugh, my go to source is this one episode of a podcast I like called, You Made it Weird.

JOSH RUBEN ON YOU MADE IT WEIRD: Well, the thing about life is one day you'll be dead. I don't know why it's an elephant at the end of everything I say...

ZAK: The guy doing the Robin Williams impression is Josh Ruben. And the guy laughing so much is the host of the show, Pete Holmes.

JOSH RUBEN ON YOU MADE IT WEIRD: Pete, come downstairs, it's bit time! That was Mrs. Doubtfire...

ZAK: You can even hear the engineer in the studio laughing.

*Laughs.*

ZAK: This is me listening at home.

*Laughs.*

ZAK: The interview is well over 90-minutes and a huge portion is just like this, Josh riffing on a bunch of impressions.

JOSH RUBEN ON YOU MADE IT WEIRD: My name is Leonard Lowe.

PETE HOLMES ON YOUR MADE IT WEIRD: Is that the character from Awakenings? How did you pull that?

ZAK: We're gonna get to the advice, but first this is my favorite of Josh's impressions.

JOSH RUBEN ON YOU MADE IT WEIRD: Yeah, buddy. I'm pretty into photography, actually as an actor...

ZAK: Josh, the master impressionist, was kind enough to meet me on Zoom and give me some advice about how to do a good impression.

JOSH: The more specific the better. Broad ones stink. Look for that. The weird tongue, lip-smack, shifting of the weight, you know?

ZAK: And what do you think makes Jeff Bridges such a fun one to do?

JOSH: I think it's the musicality of his voice. Friendly, dopey golden retriever kind of quality about him. And from there, the fact that you can just say anything. Yeah, I hit another man with my car...man. It's just fun to do. Who doesn't love Jeff?

ZAK: Yeah, he's such a lovable guy. Buddy. Buddy.

JOSH: There ya go. Yeah. Buddy! If you catapult your underbite, you know, your lower mandible on the D, I think that's how to do it. Give it a try.

ZAK: Buddy. Buddy!

JOSH: Yeah. Buddy! It's almost like you're barfing out the D.

ZAK: Buddy!

JOSH: Yeah, there ya go. Yeah.

ZAK: He's just being nice. I've got a lot of work to do. Josh Ruben is an amazing impressionist. He's also the writer, director and star of the new terrifying and funny movie, Scare Me, is available on demand. And you might know Jeff Bridges was recently diagnosed with lymphoma. I'm sending lots of love his way today. Buddy. Buddy. I love you, buddy. Buddy. Buddy. As always, I want to hear your advice. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST.

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Feb 03, 2021
Tapping Into Childhood with Lauren Passell
4:45

Lauren Passell is founder of Tink Media and co-founder of Lasso Audio, the first management company and agency for podcasters. She is also the curator of Podcast The Newsletter.

SUBSCRIBE to Podcast, The Newsletter - https://podcastthenewsletter.substack.com/

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To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

--

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: When I set out to make this show, I couldn't have predicted the predominance of shower advice. But here I am with the 4th episode devoted to shower or bath advice. It started with Drew in episode 5 and how he likes to start his days with an orange in the shower.

DREW: It's just such a pure, little moment of absolute sensual wonder and joy.

ZAK: Then there was Ken in episode 18.

KEN: I've discovered a new kind of coffee in the middle of the day and it's something that I'm calling the lunch-hour shoer.

ZAK: And Jules in episode 103.

JULES: My advice is to wash your feet because they often get forgotten.

ZAK: And now Lauren in episode 203.

LAUREN: Ok, this thing that I do every single day since I was 5 years-old and I didn't tell anyone about it till I was 21. It was a secret I had with myself. I call it Shower Belly. And every single morning...it has to be bar soap. You get bar soap and you lather it on your stomach for a long time until there's a layer of soap. It has to be a true layer and then I draw on it. And I call it my Shower Belly Creations and it makes me really happy and it's a little ritual I have with myself.

ZAK: What did you draw today?

LAUREN: Pizza. When I can't think of anything to draw I usually draw pizza.

ZAK: Like, one slice?

LAUREN: Yeah, like a triangle. And then you can make toppings. Or for some reason a phone or Mary Poppins, rainbows, stars. Always up for new ideas.

ZAK: Like, what does it do for you?

LAUREN: I think part of it is that I've been doing it for so long. Maybe people can't enjoy it if they haven't been doing it their entire lives. But it's like a little therapeutic. It feels like I'm really, really cleaning myself. I'm taking care of myself. It's like the one time in the day where I'm not listening to a podcast or talking. People say they have shower thoughts. It's like a good time to just think about yourself and the drawing though, I think it just reminds me...it's something playful. It makes me laugh. I do it everyday and it always makes me laugh! Cause it seems like I'm a grown-up, I should have stopped doing this by now. It's so stupid and I love stupid things.

ZAK: Me too.

LAUREN: I think that's why I don't stop doing it.

ZAK: Yeah, and I don't want to beat it to death but something about...it's like you are...it's a daily ritual that you've invented to connect yourself to your child-self. Which is like a metaphor, like always remember to have a child's curiosity, but you're physicalizing and so I think that makes life better for, yeah?

LAUREN: Yeah. And, you know, I have really good memories of my entire childhood. It's like a safe place I'm going to or something. I didn't need to be on Lexapro when I was five years-old when I started doing Shower Belly. It's this safe spot that I can go to at the beginning of my day so I can start my day being happy and laughing in the shower.

ZAK: Lauren Passell is the curator of Podcast, The Newsletter. If you are looking for a ton of new podcast recommendations every week, Lauren's newsletter is the place. She says she listens to about 5 hours a day of podcasts. Amazing. She also is the founder of Tink Media. Thanks Lauren. If you have some shower related advice for me I think we should keep this going. Please let me know what it is at 844-935-BEST. And if you're enjoying this show, please consider leaving a rating or review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. Stay clean, friends.

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Feb 02, 2021
Amusing Yourself with Cheri Passell
4:51

Cheri Passell runs I Love Italian Movies.com and runs Barbie_Snack on Instagram.

--

Always Beginning with Norene Cashen - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/2020105_always-beginning-with-norene-cashen/

--

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: My guest today, Cheri Passell, has some advice particularly for woman over 40. But I think it applies to all of us.

CHERI: This sounds so trite, but my advice is to never stop dreaming and to dream big. And it's not as trite as it sounds because something happens to woman, woman over 40. It happens to men to but not as much as it does for woman. Woman become pretty invisible. All the sudden you notice when you come into the room, nobody really notices you. I was at a party, my husband's company party that I didn't really want to be at anyway and I thought, oh, nobody really wants to talk to me. I mean people were doing it but you know, like, I wasn't the interesting person to talk to in the room, you know? And I kept thinking, hey, I have lots of really interesting things to talk about! I could see the look in their face. They were thinking, I wish I was over here talking to this person instead. They were kind of looking for an escape route. You know when somebody looks out of the corner of your eye and you think, oh, you're not paying attention to me. You're looking over there at that.

ZAK: Yeah, we all know that look. What did that feel like?

CHERI: I think for a lot of woman it's pretty devastating. But, it didn't destroy but it made me rethink my life. Lets put it that way.

ZAK: In what way?

CHERI: My desire to amuse myself has always been greater than my need to please people. So, I just decided to start looking for ways to amuse myself. I think a lot of woman my age thing, it's too late. Particularly my age cause I'm now 64. But even when I was in my 40s I thought, I don't know if I want to use the word re-invent, but it's find out what was still there for me. It's not over yet. I think woman think oh, I should have done this, I should have done that. Well, do it. And I always thought, oh, I should have studied languages in college. And I probably should have but what's stopping me now. So, when I was about 45, I started taking Italian lessons and I started watching Italian movies to improve my Italian and that's when I just became this expert-ish person on Italian Cinema cause I was so into it.

ZAK: Cheri became such an enthusiast that she started a blog, ILoveItalianMovies.com.

CHERI: And I never thought it would be anything. I think some people are afraid to start things cause they think, I won't be any good. That's not the point. I just wanted to do something that I thought would be fun. But eventually I developed a little audience and now I go to the Venice Film Festival with press credentials every year. I mean, it turned into something. I'm not bragging, honestly.

ZAK: I know.

CHERI: Everybody should do this. I'm not special. If you find a passion, do it! Just go for it.

ZAK: I love it and I love so much this thing that you articulated which I think is really a North Star for, for a good life is, amuse yourself and don't try to please others. That's so big and so hard for so many of us.

CHERI: Yeah.

ZAK: When Cheri isn't writing about Italian Films. She's running her Instagram account Barbie_Snack which really could only exist for her amusement. But it looks like people really like it. It's so weird and delightful.

CHERI: I call myself a Barbie artist.

ZAK: Cheri's advice today pairs particularly well with the episode we did called Always Beginning with Norene Cashen. I linked to that in our show notes. If you have so