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59: The Mailbox: When Both Your Parents Are Narcissists
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course Books mentioned in the podcast: Books by John Bradshaw We are doing a mailbox episode today! Someone we will call Sam sent in a thoughtful and vulnerable email after listening to and resonating with something we mentioned in our episode on narcissistic mothers. Sam is an overseas listener who grew up with two narcissistic parents. He has a brother and a younger sister who he describes as his mother’s narcissistic “mini-me”. In the podcast, we mentioned that being parented by a narcissist could squash your natural light, and someone with that psychological history might not even know who they truly are. Sam resonated with something similar when he first learned about the inner child and heard of the chronic emptiness felt by those who have had to assume inauthentic selves in early childhood as a result of conditional love. He has been living with a similar ache which is sometimes debilitating- even with medication and a healthy lifestyle. So he asked if we could do an episode on recovering that squashed light and share some advice on how people with chronic depression can regain their vitality. Stay tuned for more. Show highlights:
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Aug 10, 2022 |
58: Why Do I Sabotage My Relationships? What You Need to Know About Your Abandonment Schema
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course Recommended book: Reinventing Your Life by Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young Today, Gemma does a solo episode on what you need to know if you have an abandonment schema and find yourself getting triggered in a relationship. We, as humans, are wired to be cared for by others and form strong physical and emotional attachments. We depend on our early attachments, so if those attachment needs are unfulfilled, interrupted, or severed, we could develop an abandonment schema. An abandonment schema can wreak havoc in our relationships, especially romantic ones. It can get in the way of thinking clearly and making healthy decisions when we start a new relationship. It can even capture our emotions entirely and send us down all kinds of rabbit holes. In this episode, Gemma dives into three different categories people fall into when they have an abandonment schema and get triggered in a relationship. Stay tuned to find out how to work out what is going on with you if you have an abandonment schema and feel anxious about a new relationship. Show highlights:
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Aug 03, 2022 |
57: You Are Not Your Diagnosis
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar (For Therapists) Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course Gemma and Justine both have a history of working in mental health settings in psychiatric research. A while back, someone referred to Gemma by a psychiatrist arrived with a diagnosis of treatment-resistant depression and all query bipolar disorder. Working with Gemma over time, he understood what was driving his mood and chronicity from a schema perspective. He also realized how his history of complex trauma impacted how he generally felt in life. None of that had been considered in his previous treatment plan. Instead, there was a focus on labels and diagnoses. In a recent conversation with Gemma, he reflected on how unhelpful that diagnostic labeling had been for him. He is not depressed currently and has never had bipolar, even though he had been diagnosed with it. In this episode, Justine and Gemma explain why you are not your diagnosis. They dive into the pros and cons of diagnoses and talk about how schema therapy can help people gain a deep, nuanced, and accurate understanding of why they feel the way they do. Stay tuned for more! Show highlights:
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Jul 27, 2022 |
Encore Episode: Coping with Narcissistic Parents: Four Different Dynamics
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar Today's episode is an encore replay of Episode 20, which was a popular episode for our listeners. We have another podcast in our series on narcissism for you. For today, we will stay with the topic of the narcissistic parent and discuss the types of relationships you might be having with your narcissistic parent and the kind of dynamics you might find within that relationship. Clinically, we tend to see four categories of those kinds of relationship dynamics. In this episode, we will go into some detail about each of those categories. Stay tuned for more. The first dynamic that we see quite often is where you get stuck in constantly clashing with your parent. In the second category, you don’t fight very much with your parent, you tend to accept things as they are, and you do a lot of internalizing. The third category is the estrangement category, where we see those who have deliberately chosen to cut themselves off from their narcissistic parent. And the fourth category is where you attempt to manage your narcissistic parent. Sometimes, some of those categories tend to overlap. Be sure to listen in today to find out more detail about each of the four different categories of relationship dynamics that you might find yourself in with your narcissistic parent. Show highlights:
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Jul 20, 2022 |
56: Why are People Passive-Aggressive?
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar Today, we are talking about passive aggression. Passive aggression is covert aggression. It is a form of hostility people carry inside themselves that they express indirectly to make a point. We tend to use it when we are not being honest and authentic to express our anger, frustration, or resentment in a roundabout way. When someone uses passive aggression, they are not expressing what they truly feel. It can be toxic if they use it as their main relational style. That may be hard and sometimes confusing for the person on the receiving end. Passive aggression is a dysfunctional way of dealing with anger. In this episode, Gemma and Justine unpack the details of passive-aggressive behavior and examine it from a schema perspective. Stay tuned to learn all you need to know about passive aggression and find out what to do if you struggle with it in your relationships. Show highlights:
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Jul 13, 2022 |
55: Revisiting the Abandonment Schema & Romantic Relationships
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Recommended reading: Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey Young The Abandonment Recovery Workbook by Susan Anderson We are revisiting the abandonment schema today. Some of Gemma’s clients are considering returning to the dating world again, so they asked her to talk some more about the abandonment schema and how it relates to dating. Abandonment is a huge topic! In schema therapy, the abandonment schema is one of the core schemas. It is a very primitive and primal schema. It is possibly the most central schema for all mammals, so it is common. Schemas are abiding and deeply-entrenched core beliefs that direct our lives. They become the lens through which we see our lives and influence our decision-making and what we focus our attention on. Schemas can give us a framework for understanding ourselves and others and interpreting what is happening in the world. In this episode, Gemma dives into the abandonment schema and explains what you need to look out for in your relationships, especially romantic relationships. You will find this episode helpful if you are in the dating world and looking to find a new partner. Stay tuned for more! Show highlights:
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Jul 06, 2022 |
54: Understanding the Defectiveness Schema
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar We are talking about the defectiveness shame schema today. It is one of the core schemas. It is quite common, and it tends to develop early in life. The defectiveness schema is tricky. It is sometimes so deeply hidden that we may not even know someone has it. It comes with a deep sense of unworthiness and feelings of being fundamentally flawed as an individual. People with the defectiveness schema often feel unlovable. In this episode, Gemma and Justine dive into the defectiveness schema, what it might feel like, and how it can vary for different people. They also get into the emotion of shame, the inner critic, how people cope with their feelings of shame, and ways to modify a defectiveness schema. Stay tuned to learn all you need about the defectiveness schema and find out what you can do to heal it. Show highlights:
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Jun 29, 2022 |
53: Dating Fatigue: What you need to do to feel hopeful again!
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar This episode is in the realm of dating. It will appeal to women experiencing hopelessness after having implemented changes in the men they are dating, and then men they should avoid start to slip in under their radar. Initially, you may think the guy is different. But after the first few weeks of dating, the cracks start showing. You may notice that he is critical or does not prioritize the relationship much. Or you may feel uncertain about where you stand with him. Then the insecurity starts coming up. It can be exhausting if you meet someone who seems nice, and you become hopeful because you have made changes and are doing everything right, but then you start seeing the red flags. In this episode, Justine and Gemma go back to the basics. They dive into how to avoid a sense of hopelessness and become hopeful about dating again. They discuss common myths that can keep women in unhealthy relationships and share tips for avoiding disinterested or emotionally unavailable men in the early days of online dating. This episode is for you if you are dating or getting back into dating, you have an insecure attachment style leaning toward anxiety, and you tend to hang in there with guys who are controlling, self-absorbed, or emotionally unavailable. Change is possible and can break the pattern, but it can be tricky at certain spots, and you may need some help! Stay tuned for more! Show highlights:
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Jun 22, 2022 |
52:Disarming the Narcissist: Being True to Yourself in Dating, Relationships & Other Tough Encounters with Wendy Behary
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar Wendy Behary’s website: www.disarmingthenarcissist.com
Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary We are delighted to have Wendy Behary joining us on the podcast today! Wendy is an expert on narcissism. She is very well-known in the world of schema therapy for the work she has done on narcissism. Wendy is the Founder and Director of the Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and the Schema Therapy Institutes of New Jersey, New York City, and DC. She is also the author of the bestselling book, Disarming the Narcissist, which is now in its third edition. Narcissists are impaired people. In this episode, Wendy talks about narcissism and the effects of growing up with a narcissist. She offers advice and some helpful tools for coping with difficult yet unavoidable encounters with the narcissistic individuals in your life and setting limits with them while taking care of yourself too. She also explains what is truly going on with narcissists emotionally. We know that many of our listeners are interested in the topic of narcissism, so we hope that you will get a lot out of our conversation with Wendy Behary! Stay tuned to gain insight into narcissism and find out how to navigate your relationship with the narcissist in your life. Show highlights:
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Jun 15, 2022 |
51: Overcoming Schema Chemistry: Breaking Old Relationship Patterns
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar Recommended books: Reinventing Your Life by Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young Over the years, Gemma and Justine have had many clients, mostly women, with some insecure attachment styles. Those clients have a pattern of being attracted to and forming relationships with aloof, inconsistent, unreliable, emotionally depriving, or emotionally unavailable people. They sometimes feel the lack and become aware of what they are not getting from the relationship. Yet something about the relationship dynamic resonates with them subconsciously, so they tend to stay in it. Often, they do not know where they stand in their relationship, and they tend to become fraught with insecurity. They become preoccupied with what they are NOT getting and stay in the unsatisfying relationship, wishing and hoping that their partner will change, become more available, and eventually meet their needs. People in relationships driven by schema chemistry mostly do not get their emotional needs met. To get a different outcome, they would have to avoid being seduced by the chemistry and learn to judge their relationship and partner according to different criteria. In this episode, Justine and Gemma explore some of the barriers associated with change and overcoming schema chemistry. They discuss why it is so hard for some people to make different decisions and avoid getting swept up in schema chemistry. Stay tuned for more! Show highlights:
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Jun 08, 2022 |
50: Schema Chemistry 101: Uncovering the Hidden Reason Why Your Relationships don't Work Out
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar We are talking about schema chemistry today! Have you ever been swept away in the excitement of a new relationship soon after meeting someone? Perhaps you cannot stop thinking about the person and believe they are perfect for you because it feels like you have known them all your life. It might feel amazing initially, but over the next few weeks or months, things start to unravel. You may begin to feel some pangs of uncertainty and insecurity. You might feel disconnected, unseen, or afraid of losing them. Eventually, the relationship fizzles out, and you feel devastated even though you were not together for long, and you wonder what is happening. Romantic relationships tend to be loaded with potential patterns of repetition and baggage from the past. Often, we are not even aware of it. Usually, the more intense the romantic chemistry, the less likely you will have your emotional needs met and the more unsuitable that person will be for you in the long term. In this episode, we dive into the interactions between schemas and modes. Stay tuned to uncover the hidden reason why your relationships don't work out, find out how your schemas and modes can influence your romantic relationships, and learn what you can do to avoid getting stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns! Show highlights:
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Jun 01, 2022 |
49: How to Start Reparenting Yourself
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar In schema therapy, the therapist sometimes engages with the client in different ways through limited re-parenting as part of the therapeutic relationship. Today, we will be talking about how we can re-parent ourselves. Re-parenting is something almost everyone can do because we all have the necessary emotional resources within us. If you take the time to tune in, you can easily tap into your inner emotional resources and help yourself through re-parenting. In this episode, we dive into what reparenting means, how you can do your own re-parenting, and what you need to consider when thinking about re-parenting yourself. If you are dealing with mental health issues or recovering from core schemas around abandonment, emotional deprivation, mistrust abuse, defectiveness, or any other schema set up early in life, you will gain a lot from this show. Stay tuned for more! Show highlights:
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May 17, 2022 |
48: People Pleasing & Approval Seeking: Are You Looking for Approval in All the Wrong Places?
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Subjugation is common in our society, particularly amongst women and people in the helping professions. Subjugation is relevant within schema therapy. Yet it tends to be grossly under-examined and under-rated as a schema because it is generally considered secondary or conditional to the core or unconditional schemas like the abandonment schema, the Emotional Deprivation schema, or the mistrust abuse schema, all of which are developed very early in life. Schemas are fascinating because they can influence many aspects of how we behave. To compensate for our unmet emotional needs, we may fall into adaptive compensatory patterns and suppress our needs and sense of self. Or we may take care of others or go along with more dominant individuals to feel accepted, avoid abandonment, or gain approval. In this episode, Gemma continues with and expands on the topic of living a subjugated life. She dives into why so many people have what may be referred to as the trifecta of other-directedness- self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, and approval seeking. She also talks about the adaptive processes children go through, to survive a domineering parent, discusses the subtle differences between people pleasing and approval seeking, and explains what you should focus on if you are an approval seeker. Stay tuned for more! Show highlights:
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May 04, 2022 |
47: Are You Living a Subjugated Life?
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
We tend to suppress our needs when we want to care for others. We suppress our views and desires when we are afraid of getting hurt or angering someone. People-pleasers are always looking out for the other person and want to please someone if they feel guilty or scared of what that person might do. Subjugation schemas, like all other schemas, are on a spectrum and a continuum. The good news is that subjugation schemas are treatable, workable, and malleable. So if we look at what is going on with those schemas, we can change them. In this episode, Gemma talks about schemas related to people-pleasing and gets into the subtle details of people-pleasing, subjugation, and self-sacrifice. She pulls those concepts apart and explains how they are related and what they mean. If you have a self-suppression of subjugation pattern in your life, stay tuned to find out what could be going on with you. Show highlights:
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Apr 06, 2022 |
46: The Tinder Swindler Part 2: Victim Blaming, Love Scamming and the Rise of Cat-fishing
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-Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Today, we continue with our two-part series on the Netflix production, The Tinder Swindler. In the first part, we spoke about the schemas and modes of the scammer in the movie. He is a con artist who meets women on Tinder and then persuades them to lend him vast sums of money. In the second part, we focus on the women, or the victims, in The Tinder Swindler. We look at victim-blaming and unpack why people on social media tended to blame the women in the movie. We also discuss some other types of love scams exposed in the media, examine the findings of various social studies and experiments, and talk about catfishing- all of which are related. Victim blaming has been going on in our society for a long time. Stay tuned to learn what it is and why it tends to happen. Show highlights:
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Mar 30, 2022 |
45: The Tinder Swindler – Looking Through the Schema Lens
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Today, we are talking about red flags. The Netflix movie, The Tinder Swindler, shows an extremely nasty example of an emotionally unavailable man. The movie is scary but riveting. It tells the story of a con man who persuades women he meets on Tinder to lend him large sums of money. Even though the character in the movie is an extreme version of what an emotionally unavailable man might be like, it helps to make things clear when we take his personality apart and scrutinize it from a schema perspective. In this two-part series, we deconstruct the program of someone emotionally unavailable. In today’s episode, we dissect the personality of the con man in the movie from a schema perspective. In Part 2, we will take a closer look at the dynamics of what is going on with the women- or the victims. We will also break down and explain what happens psychologically with the victim-blaming and bitterness targeted towards those women. Learning to recognize red flags early on will help you make better decisions when trying to find a partner or help you understand what might be going on with the person you are dating. Stay tuned for more!
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Mar 09, 2022 |
44: Are You an Emotional Eater? Schemas and Food, Part 1
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! ***Trigger Warning: This podcast discusses the issue of emotional eating and mentions words like 'body fat' & 'central obesity' *****
For show notes please see our website |
Mar 02, 2022 |
43: The Mailbox: How to Avoid Becoming a Narcissistic Parent
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Additional resource: John Gottman’s Emotional Coaching Parenting is not easy. It is even harder for those raised by narcissistic parents because that is a particularly toxic way to rear a child. Today, Gemma and Justine answer a mailbox question from a listener brought up by a mother with narcissistic traits. Even though the listener acknowledges that her mother loved her, and did her best, some of what she said and did still impacted her life and mental health. As a result, she sometimes lacks empathy for her children and finds herself saying or doing the same things her mother would have done. She feels a lot of guilt and shame because of that. In this episode, we dive into what you need to do as a parent if you were raised by someone with narcissistic traits and want to avoid rearing your children in the same way. We take a close look at the things you have to be mindful of and do that narcissistic parents struggle with or tend not to do. Stay tuned today to find out what to do and how to cope if you were under-parented or had narcissistic parents, and then become a parent yourself. Show highlights:
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Feb 16, 2022 |
42: Dating with an Abandonment Schema: Part 2 - What is your Coping Style?
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au In our last podcast, we spoke about what an abandonment schema might look like generally when dating someone. Today, we follow that by taking a more specific look at the different coping styles people tend to use when their abandonment schema gets triggered in a dating situation. Our schemas get triggered when certain things happen. When triggered, strong emotions arise, and we feel compelled to respond in a certain way to cope. Schema therapy clearly explains three common responses people have after getting triggered. One of them falls into the broad category of avoidance. Another is surrendering or resigning to what happened. The third is overcompensating, sometimes also referred to as counterattack. In this episode, we discuss the three different ways people cope with the intense feelings that surface when their abandonment schema gets activated. We give some examples of what each response might look like, focusing particularly on those that come up when an abandonment schema gets triggered. We discuss ways to change your response patterns, explain the importance of learning to understand how you react and talk about the potential consequences of the different coping styles. Stay tuned for more! Show highlights:
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Feb 09, 2022 |
41: Dating with an Abandonment Schema - Part 1
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Welcome to the first episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast for 2022! When making new year resolutions, most of us tend to think about things we can improve in our lives and the patterns we would like to change. One of those patterns usually relates to relationships. Justine has already had several sessions this year with people who want to break their relationship patterns so that they can finally meet someone emotionally available and have a proper relationship. Our schemas tend to hinder our relationship radar and keep us doing the same thing over and over. If you have an abandonment schema and would like to meet someone available, you have to take responsibility for the choices you make and look at how your schema impacts your choices. If you want to avoid becoming a victim, you also need to be accountable for the role you play in your relationships. The abandonment schema is the oldest and most primal schema you could have. In this episode, Gemma and Justine dive into the abandonment schema and discuss how it affects people when they date. They explain how an abandonment schema develops, what it feels like, and what tends to activate it. Justine also talks about what she does to help her clients prevent their abandonment schemas from getting triggered when dating. Listen in today to learn how to take responsibility for your abandonment schema and find out how your abandonment schema could trip you up when dating. Show highlights:
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Feb 02, 2022 |
ENCORE: When Your Mother Is Narcissistic
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Welcome back! |
Jan 12, 2022 |
40: The Mailbox: The Self-Sacrifice Schema
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Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Book mentioned in the show: When the Body Says No, by Gabor Mat Some of the ways we behave and think are known as schemas. Schemas could be described as a filter through which we view the world, and they are closely linked to our deeply entrenched core beliefs. Recently, Justine and Gemma received emails from various listeners experiencing similar problems. One of the emails was from Harry, who explained that he has an empathetic personality and suffered from being in a relationship with someone narcissistic, which probably means he has a self-sacrifice schema and possibly some other issues as well. Sally also wrote in to say that she has a friend who is a big self-sacrificer, and it gets in the way of her life. In this episode, Gemma and Justine look at Harry and Sally's situations and discuss schemas. They describe the self-sacrifice schema. They also describe the subjugation schema, which is different but often gets correlated with the self-sacrifice schema clinically. They discuss what those schemas feel like, what brings them up, and the kinds of problems they cause for people. They also give several tips for breaking out of self-sacrifice and subjugation schema patterns. Stay tuned for more! Show highlights:
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Dec 15, 2021 |
39. The Anxious-Avoidant Love Trap: Schemas & Attachment Styles
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Some of the ways we think and some of our behavioral tendencies are called schemas. Schemas could be described as the lens through which we see the world. They are closely related to our ingrained core beliefs but tend to be a little broader than those. Schema therapy makes things very clear and gives us some easy-to-understand labels to describe our behavior. Justine and Gemma have found schema therapy useful for problem-solving and understanding what is going on beneath the surface in relationships. In this episode, they dive into the area of relationships and look at how early schemas can overlap with people’s attachment styles to form the antagonistic push-pull relationships in which so many of us seem to find ourselves. They describe the anxious and avoidant styles of attachment and discuss some general terms that could help us think in terms of schemas rather than larger categories of behavior. Stay tuned for more! Show highlights:
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Nov 10, 2021 |
38: What Type of Inner Critic Do You Have?
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Most people have an inner critic. Some are aware of it and acknowledge it, while others do not seem to notice the disparaging voice talking to them inside their head. The inner critic does not have to be a constant and deliberate internal narrative. It could also be a cluster of automatic thoughts or things you say out loud to yourself. Gemma enjoys looking through the lens of schema therapy when she works with people because it provides a helpful language for learning to understand the inner critic. Schema therapy assists her in pulling the critical voice apart. That allows her to take a closer look at all the different types of critics and assess the various functions they might perform. It helps to know what triggers the critical voice, whether or not its messages are useful, and if it comes from anyone in particular. In this episode, Gemma explores the inner critic by breaking it down, examining how the different elements play out, and discussing how to shift them, change them or shape them into something useful. Stay tuned for more!
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Nov 03, 2021 |
37: Mailbox: Co-parenting with a Narcissist Ex and Supporting your Partner with Their Schema Therapy
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au. Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au In today’s mailbox episode, Gemma and Justine address two questions submitted by two different listeners. One of the questions is about co-parenting children with a narcissistic ex-partner and how to protect them from the negative influences of their narcissistic parent. The other question is about supporting a partner while they have schema therapy. Like any other personality trait, type, or disorder, narcissism falls on a continuum, so every case is different and comes with its own level of difficulty. People can fall anywhere on the spectrum, from having a few narcissistic traits to being an extremely toxic pathological and malignant narcissist. Some people with narcissistic traits could also have some healthy traits. So you might be able to communicate with them rationally in their healthy moments, while others may have more extreme traits and can be more difficult to deal with as a co-parent. Narcissism is a complicated topic, and co-parenting your children with a narcissistic ex-partner can be very tricky. You can go back and listen to episodes 14, 17, 20, and 22 to gain a deeper understanding of narcissism and learn how to deal with the narcissist in your life. Those episodes also cover how to manage your narcissistic parents when you are an adult. Show highlights:
Links: |
Oct 06, 2021 |
BONUS - Meditation: 'Inner Child' Connection & Healing
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Listen to a meditation by Dr Gemma Gladstone, where she takes you on a journey to connect with and start to heal an inner child part of you who needs love and connection. This meditation is very gentle and may assist you to develop a greater sense of compassion for yourself as a whole. The meditation only focuses on you and a child part of you who feels alone or overwhelmed by difficult emotions. It might be listened to as an adjunct to the individual therapy you are receiving, especially if the therapy is working on childhood issues. If you have lots of pain around your childhood and if you have experienced trauma in your childhood, we recommend that you seek therapy to help you work through those issues rather than relying only on self-help methods. |
Oct 04, 2021 |
36: Fifty Shades of Red: How Knowing Your Schemas Can Prevent Toxic Relationships
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Other links and resources: |
Sep 22, 2021 |
35: Fifty Shades of Red: Very Early Indicators of Coercive Control
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Other links and resources: |
Sep 08, 2021 |
34: The Mailbox: Schemas and Friendships: Abandonment in Platonic Relationships
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Other links and resources: |
Aug 25, 2021 |
33: The Mailbox: Help! I'm Avoiding Relationships Because They're too Painful
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Books: |
Jul 28, 2021 |
32: After the Break-Up: Why Can't I Get Over My Ex?
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Other links and resources mentioned: |
Jul 21, 2021 |
31: Breaking Up - When Schemas Get in the Way of Calling It Quits
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Recommended Book: |
Jul 14, 2021 |
30: When Your Heart Breaks After A Break-Up
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Other links and resources mentioned: |
Jul 07, 2021 |
29: Dating Apps and Mr. Emotionally Unavailable
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Welcome to another episode of the Good Mood Clinic podcast! Meeting people is hard and dating can be tricky business. Almost everyone is using dating apps these days, regardless of age. However, navigating your way through those apps can be a daunting experience. It is often fraught with problems, especially in the beginning.
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women |
Jun 02, 2021 |
28: Caring or Controlling? Red Flags & Early Boundary Violations
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Welcome to another episode of the Good Mood Clinic podcast! Today, Gemma Gladstone follows on with the theme of red flags.
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women |
May 19, 2021 |
27: Is that a Thing? Unusual Psychological Syndromes
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Welcome back to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Gemma and Justine are back after a short hiatus due to some ups and downs and a lot going on in their lives recently. They have been having some interesting conversations with their clients and one another lately about odd things that set them off. In today's, show they discuss a few of the psychological quirks and issues that some people may experience.
Links and Resources: |
May 11, 2021 |
26: Chronic Depression: Uncovering the Hidden Factors Preventing Recovery
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In today's episode, Gemma shares her experience and impressions of working with clients who have had the unfortunate experience of being 'diagnosed' with "treatment-resistant depression". Gemma believes this is a dangerous and disempowering label which does nothing to help people get to the bottom of what's driving their depression.
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women |
Mar 30, 2021 |
25: Our Kids Online: Games, Porn and Predators
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Today, Jen Hoey joins us as our guest on the podcast. This episode is the first in a series where we will be discussing the dangers that our kids face online. In the series, we will be highlighting some pertinent things that we need to think about and look out for in that area.
Links and resources: |
Mar 24, 2021 |
24: The Mailbox: Protecting Yourself from Narcissistic Parents
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We have been getting some comments, queries, and questions in our mailbox recently. So in this episode, we will be introducing a new mailbox segment that we will have on the podcast from time to time. With this podcast, we strive to raise awareness about some common topics that many of us have to deal with. So, if you are struggling with something or have an issue, the chances are that many others will be in the same boat. One of the things we received in our mailbox was an email from someone who listened to our podcast about narcissistic parents. In her email, she reflected on what that podcast meant for her regarding her narcissistic parent. She has kindly permitted us to read her email out on the show today and talk about it. Be sure to stay tuned to find out what our listener had to say. Show highlights:
Links and resources: Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Recommended reading: Reinventing Your Life (A self-help book for schema therapy) by Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina W. Brown Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary |
Mar 17, 2021 |
23: The Pleasures and Pitfalls of Online Dating
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Last week, our Red Flag Project went out, and what we talk about in today’s podcast is related to that. We will be talking about the pleasures and pitfalls of online dating today. The dating process can be hard for some women to live through. It can be quite an emotional rollercoaster, and it can also trigger lots of schemas. The world of online dating is the way to go right now. However, people looking for partners are doing something hard because they have to maintain a state of hopefulness and willingness. And they need to face date after date, week after week, trying to find what feels like a needle in a haystack because it is not easy to find a guy who is a good match and who can give a woman what she wants. Some women come across all kinds of problems and difficulties in themselves, and the guys they meet could also make it difficult for various reasons. That makes it very hard at times to maintain your emotional equilibrium. Be sure to stay tuned today to learn how to avoid some of the pitfalls in the current world of online dating. Much of what we talk about today pertains to both men and women. However, this podcast is geared mainly towards women to follow our Red Flag course. Show highlights:
Links and resources: Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women |
Feb 24, 2021 |
22: Coming To Terms with Narcissistic Parents
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We have been talking a lot about narcissism on the podcast recently because we have found that one of the main themes that people come to therapy with falls within the realm of narcissism. Coming to terms with narcissistic parents is a big issue that many people face, and it can be hard to do. In our last episode, we spoke about the nature of the different dynamics of relationships with a narcissistic parent. In this episode, we will be talking about getting to the point of seeing your narcissistic parents for who they are and accepting them just as they are. Acceptance does not mean approval, however. Nor does it mean condoning someone’s unacceptable behavior or letting them off the hook. Acceptance is about accepting the reality of what is. And that can be very hard to do because it brings up many emotions around grief and loss. Listen in today to learn about coming to terms with having a narcissistic parent and the process you need to go through around that. Show highlights:
Links and resources: The Good Mood Clinic website Email Gemma and Justine at gemmaandjustine@goodmood.com.au Books mentioned: Will I ever Be Good Enough by Caroline McBride Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary Children of Self-Absorbed by Nina Brown
The Red Flag Project is ready. Read more about it and buy it here |
Feb 17, 2021 |
21: The Red Flag Project: Ghosting, Love-Bombing, Some Reminiscing and More!
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From the annoying to the serious, Justine and Gemma focus on Red Flags in the world of dating and relationships. Some of the most common flags we see in emotionally unavailable men is ghosting or love-bombing. While both on different ends of the spectrum, both indicate the need for control and the lack of commitment. Many of these relationships have signs such as space invaders or suffocating attention in the beginning. Due to the nature of these relationships, they are often not sustainable, and can lead to physical or emotional abuse. We are very passionate about helping women avoid these cycles, and that’s why we started the Red Flag Project. The Red Flag Project is a course designed to help you improve your relationships and avoid toxic interactions. If you find yourself struggling with any of these issues, join us in this episode for more information. Show Highlights: ● The commonalities of staying in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner ● Why the red flag project is for women and identifying early signs that suggest your partner won’t work out ● Gemma and Justine discuss the modules of the course and what is included ● Navigating online relationships can be hard but there are ways to get a sense of who someone is ● Why you should not waste time texting with online relationships ● Justine and Gemma share negative online dating experiences ● What influences men to ghost women or stand them up and why it’s more about them than you ● Love-bombing is a big red flag and is used by narcissists to make it hard for you to have negative emotions when things go wrong ● How the 'abandoned child' part of your brain can trick you into falling for love-bombing ● Love-bombing isn’t sustainable, and it can produce an abuse cycle ● Red Flags that can indicate a toxic personality ● Tips to help women make informed choices on how to screen and who to screen out Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women |
Feb 10, 2021 |
20: Coping with Narcissistic Parents: Four Different Dynamics
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We have another podcast in our series on narcissism for you. For today, we will stay with the topic of the narcissistic parent and discuss the types of relationships you might be having with your narcissistic parent and the kind of dynamics you might find within that relationship. Clinically, we tend to see four categories of those kinds of relationship dynamics. In this episode, we will go into some detail about each of those categories. Stay tuned for more. The first dynamic that we see quite often is where you get stuck in constantly clashing with your parent. In the second category, you don’t fight very much with your parent, you tend to accept things as they are, and you do a lot of internalizing. The third category is the estrangement category, where we see those who have deliberately chosen to cut themselves off from their narcissistic parent. And the fourth category is where you attempt to manage your narcissistic parent. Sometimes, some of those categories tend to overlap. Be sure to listen in today to find out more detail about each of the four different categories of relationship dynamics that you might find yourself in with your narcissistic parent. Show highlights:
Links and resources: Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women |
Jan 27, 2021 |
19: Mother Knows Best: When your Mother is Narcissistic
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We are continuing with our theme of narcissism, and today we are focusing on relationships with narcissistic parents. People who were raised by narcissistic parents struggle with guilt. They have trouble expressing what they think and feel about things because they worry about how people will respond to them, and whether or not people will listen to what they say, and take them seriously without judging them. Narcissists gaslight, invalidate and dismiss people. And they are also overly critical and often play the victim. Those are things that tend to create a subjugated response from people, and as a result, narcissistic parents cause a lot of schemas in their children. In this episode, we will be looking at how your relationship with a narcissistic parent could be affecting you. We will talk about why narcissists cannot take criticism, how you would know that you got parented by a narcissist, understanding how your schemas and coping styles got shaped by a narcissistic parent, and the traumatic effects of being loved conditionally. Be sure to stay tuned today to find out how narcissistic parents operate and learn how to deal with the consequences of having grown up in a narcissistic situation. Show highlights:
Links and resources: Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner. |
Jan 20, 2021 |
18: "Sorry for your Loss" What to Say and Not to Say to Someone Who is Grieving
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Today, we’re talking about an issue related to grief and loss. Grief is a multifaceted process, and it can be influenced by many different factors. Suffering the loss of someone we love can be a life-changing experience, and after going through that, it is quite normal to feel like a completely different person. In this episode, we discuss the process of grief, and we talk about how unique it is and how much it differs for every one of us. Grief is a complex process that we all deal with in our own way. Sometimes, however, the people in our lives don’t quite understand our process of grieving and they expect us to be able to recover and move on far more quickly than we can. They could become frustrated or irritated with us when we don’t progress according to the timeline they have in mind, and that could make us worry or become concerned that we are not doing our grieving in the right way. Stay tuned today to learn the truth about the process of grieving, and learn how to show up for someone who is grieving and lean into their loss. You will also find out why you should never compare your experience of loss with that of anyone else. Show highlights:
Links and resources: Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner. |
Dec 31, 2020 |
17: Managing the Narcissist in Your Life
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As promised, we are continuing with the theme of narcissism. Some of us have no choice but to live with a narcissist or be around one at certain times. That is usually not very easy to do, so, today we will be talking about ways you can manage the narcissist in your life when you cannot escape having to spend time around them. It could be a parent, a sibling, a relative, an in-law, a boss, or even a work colleague. Christmas tends to be one of those times when we find ourselves having to sit around a table with someone whose company we would normally prefer to avoid. A narcissist is someone who is at the core of it, very self-absorbed, and their behavior can be challenging and difficult to deal with. Interacting with a narcissist is likely to trigger all of your schemas, so it is helpful to know what you can do to manage the situation. Be sure to stay tuned today to get some tips and find out the best course of action to take when you cannot avoid spending some time with the narcissist in your life. Show highlights:
Links and resources: Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Books mentioned: Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina W Brown Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed by Wendy T Behary |
Dec 23, 2020 |
16: Self-Compassion: How to Shift Your Inner Monologue with Dr. Gemma Gladstone
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In the last few years, mainstream psychology has had a lot of focus on self-compassion. About a thousand research papers have been published on the areas of self-compassion, mental health, and the benefits of shifting our internal world and monologue to a more self-compassionate stance, to help us overcome mental health issues like anxiety and depression. We all need as much compassion as we can get towards ourselves and others. We particularly need it now, when so many of us will not be able to share the holiday season with the ones we love. As humans, we often struggle to show ourselves any care or positive, warm regard because we have been programmed to multitask, survive, take care of others, and be aware of what could go wrong. In our quiet moments, we tend to go to the negative about things that have happened to us in the past and what the future might have in store for us. That makes it hard for us to stay in the zone of a mindful brain. In today’s episode, Gemma talks about self-compassion. She explains what it is, the barriers you might have against it, and she gives some tips for bringing self-compassion into your life. Be sure to stay tuned to find out why self-compassion is so important. Show highlights:
Links and resources: The Good Mood Clinic website Email Gemma and Justine at gemmaandjustine@goodmood.com.au Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner. The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion |
Dec 02, 2020 |
15: Gaslighting: A Narcissist's Favorite Way to Manipulate Reality
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In the last few years, mainstream psychology has had a lot of focus on self-compassion. About a thousand research papers have been published on the areas of self-compassion, mental health, and the benefits of shifting our internal world and monologue to a more self-compassionate stance, to help us overcome mental health issues like anxiety and depression. We all need as much compassion as we can get towards ourselves and others. We particularly need it now, when so many of us will not be able to share the holiday season with the ones we love. As humans, we often struggle to show ourselves any care or positive, warm regard because we have been programmed to multitask, survive, take care of others, and be aware of what could go wrong. In our quiet moments, we tend to go to the negative about things that have happened to us in the past and what the future might have in store for us. That makes it hard for us to stay in the zone of a mindful brain. In today’s episode, Gemma talks about self-compassion. She explains what it is, the barriers you might have against it, and she gives some tips for bringing self-compassion into your life. Be sure to stay tuned to find out why self-compassion is so important. Show highlights:
Links and resources: The Good Mood Clinic website Email Gemma and Justine at justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner. The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion |
Nov 25, 2020 |
14: Understanding Narcissism & How It Affects Your Relationships
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We’re talking about something very interesting today. We’re starting a series discussion on narcissism, a topic that has come up a lot for us as clinicians over the years. Many of our clients have also nominated narcissism as a topic that they would like us to talk about. In our practices, we see many people whose lives are affected by narcissism, and those relationships are often very preoccupying and distressing. Some people have parents, partners, friends, or even bosses who are narcissists. Today, in our first episode of this series, we will be covering what narcissism is, exactly. We will discuss the particulars in-depth, and we will also give you some examples. Going forward, we will be following on with some more specific episodes on the topic of narcissism. Be sure to stay tuned today to find out what narcissism is and the kind of impact it could have on your life. Show highlights:
Links and resources: Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner. Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary |
Nov 18, 2020 |
13: Transforming the Hidden Schemas That Are Sabotaging Your Relationships with Justine & Gemma
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Many different reasons cause us to develop abandonment schemas, and two other schemas tend to co-occur alongside an abandonment schema. They are the self-sacrifice schema and the subjugation schema. Those can cause a lot of distress, so you need to become aware of them and the way they could affect you. With both the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas, you tend to become preoccupied with other people’s thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, and desires. And with both of them, you end up putting yourself aside, either to make the other person happy or to keep them connected to you. In today’s episode, we will be talking about the primary emotions that drive the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas, how those schemas differ, how they affect your relationships, and what you can do to transform them so that they no longer affect you as much as before. Be sure to stay tuned to find out all you need to know about the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas and how to lessen the negative impact they could be having on your life. Show highlights:
Links and resources: Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner. |
Nov 07, 2020 |
Loving Kindness (Metta) Meditation 2. Extended - Gemma Gladstone
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An extended version of the Loving Kindness meditation |
Oct 27, 2020 |
Loving Kindness Meditation 1. (Sending Metta to Self) with Gemma Gladstone
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The loving kindness (or metta) meditation – is a type of Buddhist meditation which focuses on sending love, care and good will to yourself as well as others. The old name for this meditation is the metta bhavana. In this adaptation of the metta bhavana, I focus on the first stage - sending metta (or love) to ourselves. These types of meditations are particularly good for helping you cultivate a deep sense of compassion for yourself and others and can help with calming down negative self-talk and negative emotional states. The loving kindness meditation can also help with developing greater acceptance around situations over which you have no control and helping you accept reality, including other people for who they are. These kinds of compassions focused meditations also have neurological underpinning and help us change the way we view ourselves, other people and the world in which we live. With a regular practice we can learn to better handle the ups and downs of everyday life and to develop more positive emotional states and more prosocial or compassion based behaviours. Research teaches us that a regular mediation practice whether that be mindfulness-based, insight-based or compassion-based, can actually change our brains for the better and can contribute to a healthier life. |
Sep 26, 2020 |
12: Why Can't I Walk Away From a Relationship With an Unavailable Partner (including an affair)? - Justine & Gemma
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In this episode, Gemma and Justine discuss how the abandonment schema can prevent someone from ending or leaving an unhealthy romantic relationship. Being able to walk away from a relationship that is not good for you can be a very difficult and daunting experience. There are some relationships which seem so familiar on a sub-conscious level because the dynamics match or replicate aspects of our earliest attachments - that is our relationships with our parents or care-givers when we were young children. These relationships are often with partners who cannot commit, are unstable in some way and unavailable in some way. The flavour of these relationships is that they are inconsistent, with a tenuous or insecure connection. The 'abandoned child' part of us, feels a sense of "sameness" and stays in these relationships, hoping and longing that the unavailable partner will one day become available. We also discuss in some detail, why it is especially hard for some people to walk away from an affair that they are having with a married person (ie, an extremely unavailable person). |
Sep 14, 2020 |
11: How Your Abandonment Schema Can Undermine a Good Relationship - Gemma and Justine.
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The third in the series of our discussions on the abandonment schema and its role in romantic relationships. In this episode we discuss the ways that an abandonment schema can play out in an otherwise stable and secure relationship and cause havoc for you and your partner. What are some of the ways that an unchecked or largely unhealed abandonment schema can sabotage your relationship? How can you begin to notice your abandonment triggers in this contents and use your "healthy adult" mode to help you navigate through the maze of abandonment feelings. It's not easy but you can get there over time! |
Sep 11, 2020 |
10: What is the Abandonment Schema and Where Does It Come From? - Gemma and Justine
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In the last few years, mainstream psychology has had a lot of focus on self-compassion. About a thousand research papers have been published on the areas of self-compassion, mental health, and the benefits of shifting our internal world and monologue to a more self-compassionate stance, to help us overcome mental health issues like anxiety and depression. We all need as much compassion as we can get towards ourselves and others. We particularly need it now, when so many of us will not be able to share the holiday season with the ones we love. As humans, we often struggle to show ourselves any care or positive, warm regard because we have been programmed to multitask, survive, take care of others, and be aware of what could go wrong. In our quiet moments, we tend to go to the negative about things that have happened to us in the past and what the future might have in store for us. That makes it hard for us to stay in the zone of a mindful brain. In today’s episode, Gemma talks about self-compassion. She explains what it is, the barriers you might have against it, and she gives some tips for bringing self-compassion into your life. Be sure to stay tuned to find out why self-compassion is so important. Show highlights:
Links and resources: The Good Mood Clinic website Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner. Recommended Reading: |
Sep 07, 2020 |
09: Why Am I Attracted to Unavailable Partners? - Justine and Gemma
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In this episode, Justine and Gemma discuss a very common issue they see in their practice. Many of us have a pattern of being attracted to and staying with romantic partners who are emotionally unavailable. What exactly is Unavailability anyway? In this episode we focus at depth on this type of relationship dynamic, we give common examples and discuss the schema involved and how they are commonly triggered. We then discuss how people can begin to change this pattern and what they need to do to start seeing their relationships more clearly and make different choices. It's a meaty episode. Stay tuned for further episode related to this important relationship dynamic! |
Aug 03, 2020 |
08: Six Tell-Tale Signs of a Big Self-Sacrifice Schema (ie, People Pleaser) - Dr. Gemma Gladstone
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Are you a People Pleaser? If so this episode is for you. The Self-Sacrifice schema falls into the "other-directed" domain in schema therapy. With this schema you are inclined to attend to the needs of others over and above your own needs. Failure to do so often results in you feeling guilty about having let people down. Self-sacrifice can be a form of severe self-suppression and left unchecked it can dominate your life and result in depression down the track. Gemma discusses 6 key signs that suggests you have a major self-sacrifice schema; she discusses the typical family of origin circumstances which produce the schema and also gives advice about how to begin to change and confront this schema. |
Jul 21, 2020 |
07: What Exactly is a Schema? How Do Schemas Develop & How Can We Understand Schema Triggering?
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In this episode, Justine and Gemma dive deep into what a schema is in the context of Schema Therapy. They discuss the role of parenting, temperament and life experience in the development of early maladaptive schemas (EMS). Most of the schemas are reviewed and explained with examples to get you thinking. There is also a meaty discussion of the "other-directed" schemas - such as subjugation & self-sacrifice. The concept of schema triggering is broken down into an easy to digest explanation of trigger - urge - response (or coping style) to help you make sense of your own strong emotional triggers. With a special mention of the abandonment schema and how it typically plays out as a relationship saboteur. |
Jul 15, 2020 |
06: Re-entering Lockdown? Surviving the Psychological Consequences of COVID-19 - Gemma Gladstone
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You are not alone, hang in there. In this episode Gemma discusses some of the psychological consequences of the pandemic and how to take care of ourselves during this difficult period of time. |
Jul 04, 2020 |
05: What are Core Emotional Needs? Why are They Important and What Can Happen if They Are Not Met - Dr Gemma Gladstone
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In this episode Gemma discusses the importance of having our core emotional needs met adequately in early life. What are these needs and what can happen if our parents/primary attachment figures do not meet our needs on a regular basis. Gemma discusses some of the psychological consequences and Schemas that can develop as a result. ●secure, loving, nurturing bond (warmth, validation, ‘being seen’) ●autonomy & growing independence ●expression of emotions, needs, thoughts (allowance of authenticity) ●spontaneity, creativity & play ●realistic limits, self-discipline, impulse control |
Jun 16, 2020 |
04: Guided Relaxation for Inner Wisdom - Gemma Gladstone
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A guided meditation / relaxation exercise to help you enhance a sense of inner wisdom and confidence in your ability to cope with change and any obstacles you may be facing. |
Jun 09, 2020 |
03: Help for Seasonal Depression and a Depressed Mood - Dr. Gemma Gladstone
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Feeling down, unmotivated, fearful or depressed? Here is a list of evidence-based (backed by substantial research) suggestions & behaviours to reduce depression and help relieve nervous tension and anxiety:-
If you notice a significant change and drop in your mood which you can’t seem to shift and if you notice that your ability to enjoy the things you normal enjoy is reduced, you should speak to your doctor and seek help from a mental health professional. Getting psychological therapy can be very helpful in guiding you to address the psychological factors which have contributed to you becoming depressed. There may also be a role for anti-depressant medication. Combining medication with counselling and therapy is often the best approach. |
Jun 08, 2020 |
01: Meet the Co-hosts; Schema Therapy and Why this Podcast?
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Justine and Gemma introduce themselves and talk about Schema Therapy and Why this Podcast? |
Jun 06, 2020 |