Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

 Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

 Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

 Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

 For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

 Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar 

Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course

Books mentioned in the podcast:  Books by John Bradshaw

We are doing a mailbox episode today! 

Someone we will call Sam sent in a thoughtful and vulnerable email after listening to and resonating with something we mentioned in our episode on narcissistic mothers.

Sam is an overseas listener who grew up with two narcissistic parents. He has a brother and a younger sister who he describes as his mother’s narcissistic “mini-me”. 

In the podcast, we mentioned that being parented by a narcissist could squash your natural light, and someone with that psychological history might not even know who they truly are. Sam resonated with something similar when he first learned about the inner child and heard of the chronic emptiness felt by those who have had to assume inauthentic selves in early childhood as a result of conditional love. He has been living with a similar ache which is sometimes debilitating- even with medication and a healthy lifestyle. So he asked if we could do an episode on recovering that squashed light and share some advice on how people with chronic depression can regain their vitality.

Stay tuned for more.

Show highlights:

• People raised by two narcissistic parents develop other modes of coping, which could mean creating a false self.
• Gemma and Justine discuss why Sam feels so empty. 
• How do people develop an inauthentic self?
• Justine and Gemma dive into the schemas that might be within the darkness Sam feels.
• Children suppress themselves to adapt to whatever situation they are in and survive. That usually produces secondary schemas.
• What is the inner light Sam refers to, and what happens to children when that inner light gets squashed?
• Justine shares examples of the things she is careful not to do because they might inhibit her children's freedom, authenticity, and lack of self-consciousness.
• People raised by narcissists tend to develop a sense of under-entitlement.
• Where should you start with trying to figure out who you are? 
• It is crucial to create connections with other people.
• Schema therapy can help you heal and reconnect with your authentic self.
• Justine and Gemma discuss the course they are currently working on, called Know Your Sc

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

 Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

 Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

 Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

 For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

 Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar 

Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course

Recommended book: Reinventing Your Life by Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young

Today, Gemma does a solo episode on what you need to know if you have an abandonment schema and find yourself getting triggered in a relationship.

We, as humans, are wired to be cared for by others and form strong physical and emotional attachments. We depend on our early attachments, so if those attachment needs are unfulfilled, interrupted, or severed, we could develop an abandonment schema.

An abandonment schema can wreak havoc in our relationships, especially romantic ones. It can get in the way of thinking clearly and making healthy decisions when we start a new relationship. It can even capture our emotions entirely and send us down all kinds of rabbit holes.

In this episode, Gemma dives into three different categories people fall into when they have an abandonment schema and get triggered in a relationship. Stay tuned to find out how to work out what is going on with you if you have an abandonment schema and feel anxious about a new relationship.

Show highlights:

• People in the first category get triggered because their partner's behavior is observably problematic, and they are reacting to something real. 
• Gemma gives examples of problematic behavior in a partner that could trigger someone with an abandonment schema.
• If you have an abandonment schema, you have to be able to analyze what is going on in the early stages of a new relationship.
• Gemma explains why people tend to sabotage a relationship when their partner is predominantly reliable and the relationship is generally good.
• Some examples of situations in which your reactions could create secondary problems.
• Gemma discusses the various modes of operating people in the second category use to cope with their abandonment schema in a new relationship.
• Doing active healing work around an abandonment schema can be helpful. Gemma explains what that means.
• With the third category, it can be helpful to have the input of a third party to figure out what is going on.
• Gemma summarizes the three different categories.

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

 Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

 Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

 For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

 Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar (For Therapists)

Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course

Gemma and Justine both have a history of working in mental health settings in psychiatric research. 

A while back, someone referred to Gemma by a psychiatrist arrived with a diagnosis of treatment-resistant depression and all query bipolar disorder. Working with Gemma over time, he understood what was driving his mood and chronicity from a schema perspective. He also realized how his history of complex trauma impacted how he generally felt in life. None of that had been considered in his previous treatment plan. Instead, there was a focus on labels and diagnoses. 

In a recent conversation with Gemma, he reflected on how unhelpful that diagnostic labeling had been for him. He is not depressed currently and has never had bipolar, even though he had been diagnosed with it.

In this episode, Justine and Gemma explain why you are not your diagnosis. They dive into the pros and cons of diagnoses and talk about how schema therapy can help people gain a deep, nuanced, and accurate understanding of why they feel the way they do. Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• Gemma explains how schema therapy helped her client develop self-compassion, distance himself from his inner critic, and tap into his emotions. 
• In episode 26, Gemma talks about chronic depression and how the label of treatment-resistant depression is unhelpful and feeds into our sense of defectiveness. 
• Justine explains her approach, what she does, and what she notices about her clients when they go to her for therapy.
• What is important to Gemma and Justine, and what are they interested in when helping their clients?
• Why can a diagnosis sometimes be harmful?
• Why do many early wounds and overt traumas tend to be mentioned but left untouched in mental health settings?
• Justine explains why she and Gemma suggest that people simultaneously hold in mind two different ways of understanding what is going on with them.
• Gemma and Justine discuss the pros and cons of diagnoses.
• Having a diagnosis does not necessarily mean you have a protracted and unrelenting difficulty.
• Some questions you need to ask regarding self-development aimed at reducing your symptoms.
• Sometimes, depressive symptoms can get triggered by a subjugating or undermining relationship dynamic. 

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar 

Today's episode is an encore replay of Episode 20, which was a popular episode for our listeners. 

We have another podcast in our series on narcissism for you. For today, we will stay with the topic of the narcissistic parent and discuss the types of relationships you might be having with your narcissistic parent and the kind of dynamics you might find within that relationship. Clinically, we tend to see four categories of those kinds of relationship dynamics. In this episode, we will go into some detail about each of those categories. Stay tuned for more.

The first dynamic that we see quite often is where you get stuck in constantly clashing with your parent. In the second category, you don’t fight very much with your parent, you tend to accept things as they are, and you do a lot of internalizing. The third category is the estrangement category, where we see those who have deliberately chosen to cut themselves off from their narcissistic parent. And the fourth category is where you attempt to manage your narcissistic parent. Sometimes, some of those categories tend to overlap. Be sure to listen in today to find out more detail about each of the four different categories of relationship dynamics that you might find yourself in with your narcissistic parent. 

Show highlights:

• Gemma summarizes the four categories of relationship dynamics.
• Sometimes, you might flip between the different categories from moment to moment and from interaction to interaction.
• Gemma and Justine discuss the first category of constantly clashing with the narcissistic parent in more detail. They also share some examples of how that dynamic could play out within families.
• What triangulation is, and how it could occur in families where there is a narcissistic parent.
• The children are not always treated in the same way by the narcissistic parent.
• Gemma and Justine discuss the second category, where the child internalizes, believes, and surrenders to the messages they get from the narcissistic parent, in more detail.
• Realizing that you have a narcissistic parent can lead you to have feelings of anger or even denial. 
• How to deal with your anger after you come to realize that you have a narcissistic parent.
• Gemma and Justine discuss the third category, where they see people who have decided to cut themselves off from their narcissistic parent.
• Even those who have cut themselves off entirely from their narcissistic parent still need to work on the relationship because they have unfinished business with that person. 
• Looking at the last relationship dynamic, which Gemma and Justine call the management mode.

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

 Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

 Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

 Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

 For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

 Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar 

Today, we are talking about passive aggression.

Passive aggression is covert aggression. It is a form of hostility people carry inside themselves that they express indirectly to make a point. We tend to use it when we are not being honest and authentic to express our anger, frustration, or resentment in a roundabout way. 

When someone uses passive aggression, they are not expressing what they truly feel. It can be toxic if they use it as their main relational style. That may be hard and sometimes confusing for the person on the receiving end. 

Passive aggression is a dysfunctional way of dealing with anger. In this episode, Gemma and Justine unpack the details of passive-aggressive behavior and examine it from a schema perspective. Stay tuned to learn all you need to know about passive aggression and find out what to do if you struggle with it in your relationships.

Show highlights:

• Gemma and Justine explain what passive aggression is.
• Why do people behave passive-aggressively?
• A lot of avoidance is tied to passive aggression. Gemma explains how that differs from other forms of avoidance.
• Passive aggression is a dysfunctional way of communicating anger. Justine and Gemma share some examples of what that might look like.
• Passive aggression can sometimes be a covert bid for power or an attempt to get back at someone.
• An example of how passive aggression could get used as a toxic expression of disapproval.
• How can backhanded compliments, sarcasm, or gossiping be used passive-aggressively?
• Chronic patterns of passive aggression can be hard to deal with in romantic relationships.
• How does a passive-aggressive person typically behave?
• What kind of schemas could someone with a lot of passive aggression have?
• Justine and Gemma discuss various entry points to treating schemas and share tips for overcoming passive-aggressive behavior.

Reinventing Your Life  by Jeffrey Young

The Abandonment Recovery Workbook by Susan Anderson

• Schemas are emotionally-laden constructs, so when they are triggered you feel it in your body.
• The abandonment schema can originate very early in life.
• Our genetics influence our temperament and how we deal with abandonment and separation.
• How does abandonment develop in childhood?
• Having an abandonment schema means fundamental insecurity in your attachment system.
• An abandonment schema can sometimes overlap with other schemas or give rise to secondary schemas.
• If you have a profound and flooring reaction to a trigger, it could be a schema.
• How does abandonment affect our love template and adult life when seeking a romantic partner?
• We get drawn to what is familiar, so when left to our own devices, we tend to radiate to what we know. 
• Why do people with abandonment schemas get stuck in relationships with unavailable partners?
• Gemma explains what unavailability might look like in a partner.
• You cannot do the healing for someone else- especially when you have to heal yourself.
• Gemma does a recap on the coping styles people use to cope with their abandonment schema.
• When we s

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

 Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

 Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

 Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

 For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

 Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar

We are talking about the defectiveness shame schema today. It is one of the core schemas. It is quite common, and it tends to develop early in life. 

The defectiveness schema is tricky. It is sometimes so deeply hidden that we may not even know someone has it. It comes with a deep sense of unworthiness and feelings of being fundamentally flawed as an individual. 

People with the defectiveness schema often feel unlovable. In this episode, Gemma and Justine dive into the defectiveness schema, what it might feel like, and how it can vary for different people. They also get into the emotion of shame, the inner critic, how people cope with their feelings of shame, and ways to modify a defectiveness schema.

Stay tuned to learn all you need about the defectiveness schema and find out what you can do to heal it.

Show highlights:

• Justine defines and describes the defectiveness shame schema.
• Schemas tend to operate outside of our awareness.
• The emotion of shame can sometimes be hard to identify. It feels exceptionally unpleasant, and some people go to great lengths to avoid it.
• Shame tends to make people want to hide.
• Why is shame a survival emotion?
• What could trigger feelings of shame?
• How does shame tend to overlap with narcissistic people?
• How do children develop feelings of shame?
• Defectiveness, like all the other schemas, is on a spectrum.
• Gemma describes the inner critic as it relates to feelings of shame and defectiveness.
• The origins of the defectiveness schema.
• There is a difference between normal shame and toxic shame.
• What can you do to modify your defectiveness schema?

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar

This episode is in the realm of dating. It will appeal to women experiencing hopelessness after having implemented changes in the men they are dating, and then men they should avoid start to slip in under their radar. 

Initially, you may think the guy is different. But after the first few weeks of dating, the cracks start showing. You may notice that he is critical or does not prioritize the relationship much. Or you may feel uncertain about where you stand with him. Then the insecurity starts coming up.

It can be exhausting if you meet someone who seems nice, and you become hopeful because you have made changes and are doing everything right, but then you start seeing the red flags. 

In this episode, Justine and Gemma go back to the basics. They dive into how to avoid a sense of hopelessness and become hopeful about dating again. They discuss common myths that can keep women in unhealthy relationships and share tips for avoiding disinterested or emotionally unavailable men in the early days of online dating.

This episode is for you if you are dating or getting back into dating, you have an insecure attachment style leaning toward anxiety, and you tend to hang in there with guys who are controlling, self-absorbed, or emotionally unavailable. Change is possible and can break the pattern, but it can be tricky at certain spots, and you may need some help!

Stay tuned for more!  

Show highlights:

• Myths that can make women stay in unhealthy relationships.
• A relationship with someone nice can be surprisingly easy if you have a disastrous dating history. 
• Dating can be hell for women with an anxious attachment style and an abandonment schema. Gemma discusses some beliefs that would have to be challenged to get a different outcome. 
• Some tips to avoid disinterested or emotionally unavailable men in the early stages of online dating.
• Online dating can sometimes be a medium for people who have difficulties with connection, intimacy, and being vulnerable with someone. 
• Watch out for guys who focus on your physical appearance or get into sexual talk in their early texts.
• There is a difference between emotionally unavailable people and those who are actually unavailable.
• When there are clear markers of unavailability early on, that means he is NOT available. 
• Challenge any ideas about a particular type of person you think will be right for you.
• In the early days, date people you would not typically go for if they seem average and look pleasant enough.
• You do not have to have the same hobbies and interests as someone to have an emotionally compatible relationship wi

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar

Wendy Behary’s website: www.disarmingthenarcissist.com 

Recommended books:

Disarming the Narcissist  by Wendy Behary

We are delighted to have Wendy Behary joining us on the podcast today! Wendy is an expert on narcissism. She is very well-known in the world of schema therapy for the work she has done on narcissism.

Wendy is the Founder and Director of the Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and the Schema Therapy Institutes of New Jersey, New York City, and DC. She is also the author of the bestselling book, Disarming the Narcissist, which is now in its third edition. 

Narcissists are impaired people. In this episode, Wendy talks about narcissism and the effects of growing up with a narcissist. She offers advice and some helpful tools for coping with difficult yet unavoidable encounters with the narcissistic individuals in your life and setting limits with them while taking care of yourself too. She also explains what is truly going on with narcissists emotionally. 

We know that many of our listeners are interested in the topic of narcissism, so we hope that you will get a lot out of our conversation with Wendy Behary! Stay tuned to gain insight into narcissism and find out how to navigate your relationship with the narcissist in your life.

Show highlights:

• Narcissism is on a continuum, so there are people with narcissistic traits who may not have a full-blown personality disorder.
• If you grew up with someone narcissistic, your identity was probably held hostage for a long time. You will also have carried the burdens that typically come with having a narcissistic parent or adult caretaker living vicariously through you, putting unrealistic expectations upon you, or ignoring you because they are so self-centered.
• Why is it a good thing when you become highly sensitized to narcissism after learning about it?
• Notice the patterns in yourself where you go silent, give in, lose your voice, subjugate yourself, and sacrifice your own needs.
• Wendy explains what an activating condition is and how that triggers narcissistic people.
• Who is a narcissist, and what do you need to look out for in the early days of dating someone?
• If you want to be an advocate for yourself, be sure of your intention when talking to someone you are dating, and make sure that what you say is having the impact you want.
• What should you do if you're dating someone you like but start noticing red flags?
• How to use "the narrator voice" as a tool when someone is l

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar

Recommended books:

Reinventing Your Life by Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young     

Over the years, Gemma and Justine have had many clients, mostly women, with some insecure attachment styles. Those clients have a pattern of being attracted to and forming relationships with aloof, inconsistent, unreliable, emotionally depriving, or emotionally unavailable people. They sometimes feel the lack and become aware of what they are not getting from the relationship. Yet something about the relationship dynamic resonates with them subconsciously, so they tend to stay in it. 

Often, they do not know where they stand in their relationship, and they tend to become fraught with insecurity. They become preoccupied with what they are NOT getting and stay in the unsatisfying relationship, wishing and hoping that their partner will change, become more available, and eventually meet their needs.   

People in relationships driven by schema chemistry mostly do not get their emotional needs met. To get a different outcome, they would have to avoid being seduced by the chemistry and learn to judge their relationship and partner according to different criteria. 

In this episode, Justine and Gemma explore some of the barriers associated with change and overcoming schema chemistry. They discuss why it is so hard for some people to make different decisions and avoid getting swept up in schema chemistry.  

Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• Overcome the pattern of not being fully aware when your hidden schemas play out in your romantic relationships.  
• Why do people with an emotional deprivation schema find it hard to ask for what they need in relationships?
• Some schemas are more relational than others, so you need to identify what is going on with you in your relationships and bring it to a place of awareness.
• Another barrier is when you experience romantic sexual chemistry with more emotionally available partners, but you find them boring or annoying. 
• Cycles of high anxiety and relief can be compelling, and they tend to get misattributed as a romantic attachment. That indicates that there are several factors related to schema chemistry going on.
• One more barrier is when you tend to get into relationships where there is a lot of love-bombing (i.e. grandiose displays of love and affection) early on.
• It is vital to check in with your healthy adult mode to avoid getting swept away by love-bombing.
• Love bombing is often a red flag and a marker for bad things to come. It is usually fake, so it only continues for several weeks or months.
• It is normal not to 

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

 Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

 Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

 Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

 For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

 Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar

We are talking about schema chemistry today!

Have you ever been swept away in the excitement of a new relationship soon after meeting someone? Perhaps you cannot stop thinking about the person and believe they are perfect for you because it feels like you have known them all your life. It might feel amazing initially, but over the next few weeks or months, things start to unravel. You may begin to feel some pangs of uncertainty and insecurity. You might feel disconnected, unseen, or afraid of losing them. Eventually, the relationship fizzles out, and you feel devastated even though you were not together for long, and you wonder what is happening.

Romantic relationships tend to be loaded with potential patterns of repetition and baggage from the past. Often, we are not even aware of it. Usually, the more intense the romantic chemistry, the less likely you will have your emotional needs met and the more unsuitable that person will be for you in the long term. 

In this episode, we dive into the interactions between schemas and modes. Stay tuned to uncover the hidden reason why your relationships don't work out, find out how your schemas and modes can influence your romantic relationships, and learn what you can do to avoid getting stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns! 

Show highlights:

• When you think of your previous relationships, it is worth pondering whether or not they were loaded with baggage you brought in from the past.
• What tends to happen when we are in a schema-driven relationship?
• Gemma and Justine discuss the patterns and cycles they see with schemas and how people tend to get involved with emotionally unavailable partners because of their schemas.
• Sometimes people with similar schemas get together but cope in different ways. Their coping styles can trigger each other. Justine gives an example of that kind of interaction.
• Gemma and Justine explain how schema chemistry keeps people stuck in relationships that reinforce their schemas. 
• Schema therapy is a good framework for understanding how your schemas keep you stuck in unhealthy relationships, breaking patterns, and empowering yourself.
• How to use schema therapy to make better dating decisions and avoid getting stuck in relationships that reinforce your schemas.
• Some signs that you could be in a relationship with high schema chemistry.

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar

In schema therapy, the therapist sometimes engages with the client in different ways through limited re-parenting as part of the therapeutic relationship.

Today, we will be talking about how we can re-parent ourselves. Re-parenting is something almost everyone can do because we all have the necessary emotional resources within us. 

If you take the time to tune in, you can easily tap into your inner emotional resources and help yourself through re-parenting. In this episode, we dive into what reparenting means, how you can do your own re-parenting, and what you need to consider when thinking about re-parenting yourself.

If you are dealing with mental health issues or recovering from core schemas around abandonment, emotional deprivation, mistrust abuse, defectiveness, or any other schema set up early in life, you will gain a lot from this show. Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• It is important to understand that our personalities are not made of just one single unit. We all have many parts of ourselves. 
• In schema therapy, we sometimes refer to the vulnerable child mode. It is similar to the inner child and is the part of the self that holds all the emotional pain from childhood.
• Gemma talks about reactions to triggers that could activate the vulnerable child mode and evoke an exaggerated emotional response. 
• We need a framework within which to talk about re-parenting and consider what we can do to help the parts of ourselves that are struggling.
• First, we need to become aware that parts of ourselves are cut off and struggling.
• Gemma explains what happens to us when we are young and bad things happen.
• How and why dissociation works as a survival mechanism.
• Gemma explains the concept of moral defense.
• Re-parenting ourselves is all about rediscovering, connecting with, and reclaiming the lost parts of ourselves.
• Some barriers to connecting with the wounded parts of the self.
• Some starter points to re-parenting yourself.
• Start noticing your triggered feelings.
• Part of re-parenting is learning to soothe yourself in healthy and appropriate ways. 

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

 Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

 Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

 Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

 For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

 Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Subjugation is common in our society, particularly amongst women and people in the helping professions. 

Subjugation is relevant within schema therapy. Yet it tends to be grossly under-examined and under-rated as a schema because it is generally considered secondary or conditional to the core or unconditional schemas like the abandonment schema, the Emotional Deprivation schema, or the mistrust abuse schema, all of which are developed very early in life.   

Schemas are fascinating because they can influence many aspects of how we behave. To compensate for our unmet emotional needs, we may fall into adaptive compensatory patterns and suppress our needs and sense of self. Or we may take care of others or go along with more dominant individuals to feel accepted, avoid abandonment, or gain approval. 

In this episode, Gemma continues with and expands on the topic of living a subjugated life. She dives into why so many people have what may be referred to as the trifecta of other-directedness- self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, and approval seeking. She also talks about the adaptive processes children go through, to survive a domineering parent, discusses the subtle differences between people pleasing and approval seeking, and explains what you should focus on if you are an approval seeker. Stay tuned for more! 

Show highlights:

• People pleasing, self-sacrifice, and approval-seeking fall into other-directed schemas. Gemma explains what other-directedness means.
• Gemma talks about approval seeking and explains what happens when our validation needs do not get met, or when the approval we get is conditional.
• Gemma explains why so many of her clients develop the pattern of having a combination of self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, and approval-seeking schemas to varying degrees. 
• How care-giver-guilt develops in a child, and how that impacts their needs.
• What happens to a child when a subjugating parent regularly uses anger to hold the family to ransom?
• How can early programming prevent people from ever putting themselves first?
• Why do self-sacrifice, subjugation, and approval-seeking often get bundled up together?
• The subtle differences between pleasing others to avoid guilt or because you are fearful of them and approval seeking.
• Why are narcissists unlikely to hand out praise or compliment anyone on a job well done? 
• What should you focus on if you are an approval seeker?

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Go to the SCHEMA CHEMISTRY WEBINAR

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

When we subjugate ourselves, we suppress our authenticity and aspects of who we are. In schema therapy, the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas are called other-directed schemas. Those schemas appear similar in that they are both subjugating schemas, but there are some key differences.

We tend to suppress our needs when we want to care for others. We suppress our views and desires when we are afraid of getting hurt or angering someone. People-pleasers are always looking out for the other person and want to please someone if they feel guilty or scared of what that person might do. 

Subjugation schemas, like all other schemas, are on a spectrum and a continuum. The good news is that subjugation schemas are treatable, workable, and malleable. So if we look at what is going on with those schemas, we can change them. 

In this episode, Gemma talks about schemas related to people-pleasing and gets into the subtle details of people-pleasing, subjugation, and self-sacrifice. She pulls those concepts apart and explains how they are related and what they mean. If you have a self-suppression of subjugation pattern in your life, stay tuned to find out what could be going on with you.

Show highlights:

• Subjugation schemas are exhausting! They can take a toll on people physically, mentally, and emotionally. 
• Why are people-pleasers not free to be themselves?
• People with subjugation schemas often experience life from a position of passivity- particularly if they surrender to their subjugation schema.
• Why do people with big subjugation schemas lack a sense of self? 
• Self-sacrifice is a version of subjugation. Gemma discusses the self-sacrifice schema and explains where it could come from.
• Why do self-sacrificing people tend to be empathic and sensitive?
• Unlike self-sacrifice, subjugation is done to you. Gemma talks about subjugation, describes it as a schema, and discusses how it could come about.
• People with subjugation schemas tend to feel helpless and powerless and believe that others have more power than them- even when they do not.
• Unacknowledged and suppressed anger from subjugation schemas can result in various stress-related physical problems. Gemma explains how to get rid of that anger.
• If you do not change your situation or bad habits, you implicitly choose those things for yourself.

-Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

 Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

 Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

 For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

 Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Today, we continue with our two-part series on the Netflix production, The Tinder Swindler.

In the first part, we spoke about the schemas and modes of the scammer in the movie. He is a con artist who meets women on Tinder and then persuades them to lend him vast sums of money. 

In the second part, we focus on the women, or the victims, in The Tinder Swindler. We look at victim-blaming and unpack why people on social media tended to blame the women in the movie. We also discuss some other types of love scams exposed in the media, examine the findings of various social studies and experiments, and talk about catfishing- all of which are related. 

Victim blaming has been going on in our society for a long time. Stay tuned to learn what it is and why it tends to happen. 

Show highlights:

• Why were the women in the movie so viciously attacked by men and women alike on social media after the movie came out? 
• What is victim-blaming?
• Some of the main reasons people are inclined to blame the victim of a crime. 
• Gemma explains what the just-world hypothesis, or the just-world fallacy, is all about.
• Why do humans tend to trust others?
• Why the first woman in the movie, Pernilla, quickly became infatuated with the con artist and handed her money over to him.
• What is the truth default?
• Social media leads to social proof. That can lead to people being conned or taken advantage of.
• How do schemas and unmet needs put people at greater risk of becoming victims of scams or con artists?
• How do schemas lead people to abandon their boundaries and hang onto dubious relationships for too long?
• The schemas that make people vulnerable to being targeted by narcissistic individuals.
• Some stories about women being love-scammed by manipulative men in the Australian series, Fake.
• Inconsistencies and regular absences are obvious red flags.
• Cat-fishing is no joke! Justine explains what it is and shares her experience of it.
• Some tips to help you avoid getting cat-fished.

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

 Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

 Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

 For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

 Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Today, we are talking about red flags. 

The Netflix movie, The Tinder Swindler, shows an extremely nasty example of an emotionally unavailable man. The movie is scary but riveting. It tells the story of a con man who persuades women he meets on Tinder to lend him large sums of money. Even though the character in the movie is an extreme version of what an emotionally unavailable man might be like, it helps to make things clear when we take his personality apart and scrutinize it from a schema perspective.

In this two-part series, we deconstruct the program of someone emotionally unavailable. In today’s episode, we dissect the personality of the con man in the movie from a schema perspective. In Part 2, we will take a closer look at the dynamics of what is going on with the women- or the victims. We will also break down and explain what happens psychologically with the victim-blaming and bitterness targeted towards those women. 

Learning to recognize red flags early on will help you make better decisions when trying to find a partner or help you understand what might be going on with the person you are dating. Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• Nowadays, con men and women have more means, resources, and avenues to exploit and manipulate people than ever before.
• The character in the movie quickly screens his victims and feeds into their idea of what love and romance should look like.
• We explain why the movie character probably has a narcissistic personality disorder and falls into the anti-social psychopathy spectrum. 
• The movie character has a strong sense of self-importance and a massive ego.
• We discuss the various schema modes of the movie character.
• In schema therapy, anti-social traits get correlated with the psychopathy spectrum.
• What does the person in the conning and manipulative mode do to achieve their goals?
• Most people do not expect to come across anyone with a dominant mode to intentionally con and deceive others. Gemma shares a clue to look out for that would indicate that someone has that mode.
• When challenged, or called out, the movie character quickly switched from a charming to an angry and threatening mode.
• Although he had many red flags, the guy in the movie was adept at quickly building a sense of trust and intimacy with his victims.
• Why does it become harder for people to look at red flags rationally after being love-bombed?
• It is vital to trust your gut feelings if things do not add up or you feel confused.

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

 ***Trigger Warning:  This podcast discusses the issue of emotional eating and mentions words like 'body fat' & 'central obesity' *****

Content in this podcast in no way constitutes medical or nutritional advice.  This episode does not constitute, nor is it intended to be, psychological (or other) advice for those people who have struggled with a serious eating problem or eating disorder in the past or currently.   

Dear Listeners:-
Please note that in this episode we share our personal experience with food, food choices and schemas and we discuss things like 'emotional eating' and 'comfort food'.  Struggles with food, especially 'stress eating' and using food as an emotional comfort, are very common in our society.   However, please remember that we are all very unique, beautiful individuals who are on our own journey in this life and we all face our own particular issues & struggles. 

What is our intention with this episode and others like it?
Please know that we do put a little thought into our episodes and we want only the best for you!  With these discussions on food and schemas we have a few intentions.  The main one being, that we hope to normalise the struggle with food that so many people experience.  One of our aims with our podcast in general is to be real and honest and also provide people with hope and empowerment as well as destigmatizing mental health issues and unhelpful mental health labels. 

This food series is about looking at the ways our schemas and modes can pose a barrier and can sabotage our health-based decisions and choices.  We are not giving advice about what to do, rather, we are providing a discussion around the role schemas and parts of self can play when we attempt to make health-based decisions for ourselves.   It can be valuable to look through the issue with a schema lens and help name certain parts of ourselves and the role they play.

Please note:

1. We are not "fat shaming" ourselves or anyone else.  But we are talking about a serious and unfortunately sometimes very contentious issue - food and eating.  There are many opinions which exist in the field.  Some helpful, some unhelpful.
2. We are not promoting unhealthy "dieting"  or "restrictive eating".   
3. We are interested in the promotion of health, self-care, body-care, courageous acts of facing 'what is',  including unhealthy behaviour patterns; mindful self-compassion and schema and schema mode awareness. 
4. We do talk about what has worked for us in the past and make mention to the types of food we find problematic and those we wish to we limit.  
5. It is our hope that by sharing some of our own personal journey on the subject we can provide some insight into the psychological factors which drive 'emotional eating' in those without severe eating disorders. 
6. We do like to have a laugh and use humour and we can also be irreverent sometimes!  
7. The podcast is for information & entertainment purposes. 

For show notes please see our website

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

 Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

 Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

 For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

 Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Additional resource:

John Gottman’s Emotional Coaching

Parenting is not easy. It is even harder for those raised by narcissistic parents because that is a particularly toxic way to rear a child. 

Today, Gemma and Justine answer a mailbox question from a listener brought up by a mother with narcissistic traits. Even though the listener acknowledges that her mother loved her, and did her best, some of what she said and did still impacted her life and mental health. As a result, she sometimes lacks empathy for her children and finds herself saying or doing the same things her mother would have done. She feels a lot of guilt and shame because of that.

In this episode, we dive into what you need to do as a parent if you were raised by someone with narcissistic traits and want to avoid rearing your children in the same way. We take a close look at the things you have to be mindful of and do that narcissistic parents struggle with or tend not to do. 

Stay tuned today to find out what to do and how to cope if you were under-parented or had narcissistic parents, and then become a parent yourself. 

Show highlights:

• Getting to know yourself and your schemas is vital before you decide to have a child.
• Coping with anger when it comes up in you as a new parent.
• Feelings of deprivation and anger from a relationship with a narcissistic parent tend to come up and feel worse when you are vulnerable. It is vital to be mindful of those feelings and reflect on them.
• Avoid getting into a tug-o-war with your strong-willed child.
• Take a few moments to reflect on what is going on with you before you start doing emotional first-aid.
• Gemma shares a list of things that narcissistic parents do not do or with which they tend to struggle.
• There is a lot of therapeutic power in an apology.
• Narcissists tend to demand respect without doing anything to cultivate it.
• Why do people raised by narcissistic parents tend to develop subjugation schemas?
• Transparently modeling for your child how you do your self-development is extremely valuable.  
• You can gain confidence as a parent with John Gottman’s Emotional Coaching.
• Justine and Gemma are thinking of creating a membership group to help people interested in self-development and schema therapy get a comprehensive overview of the schema model. Email them if you are interested in joining the group.

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

 Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

 Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

 For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

 Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

In our last podcast, we spoke about what an abandonment schema might look like generally when dating someone. Today, we follow that by taking a more specific look at the different coping styles people tend to use when their abandonment schema gets triggered in a dating situation. 

Our schemas get triggered when certain things happen. When triggered, strong emotions arise, and we feel compelled to respond in a certain way to cope. Schema therapy clearly explains three common responses people have after getting triggered. One of them falls into the broad category of avoidance. Another is surrendering or resigning to what happened. The third is overcompensating, sometimes also referred to as counterattack. 

In this episode, we discuss the three different ways people cope with the intense feelings that surface when their abandonment schema gets activated. We give some examples of what each response might look like, focusing particularly on those that come up when an abandonment schema gets triggered. We discuss ways to change your response patterns, explain the importance of learning to understand how you react and talk about the potential consequences of the different coping styles. Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• Justine shares one way you can change your response patterns after getting triggered.
• Justine and Gemma discuss the surrender mode and explain how it affects people and their relationships.
• The surrender mode can sometimes flip over into avoidance.
• How do you know when you are surrendering to your schema?
• How does a healthy build-up to a relationship look?
• Gemma and Justine talk about the overcompensating response pattern.
• What does it look like when we over-compensate? 
• What tends to happen when we overcompensate?
• Gemma explains how to not react when in counterattacking mode.
• What happens when you are on the receiving end of an overcompensating counterattack?
• Justine and Gemma talk about what tends to happen when you have the avoidance response with an abandonment schema.
• Avoidant coping patterns can be hard to break. Gemma explains what keeps people stuck in those patterns and how schema therapy can help overcome them.

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

 Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

 Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

 Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Welcome to the first episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast for 2022! 

When making new year resolutions, most of us tend to think about things we can improve in our lives and the patterns we would like to change. One of those patterns usually relates to relationships. Justine has already had several sessions this year with people who want to break their relationship patterns so that they can finally meet someone emotionally available and have a proper relationship.

Our schemas tend to hinder our relationship radar and keep us doing the same thing over and over. If you have an abandonment schema and would like to meet someone available, you have to take responsibility for the choices you make and look at how your schema impacts your choices. If you want to avoid becoming a victim, you also need to be accountable for the role you play in your relationships. 

The abandonment schema is the oldest and most primal schema you could have. In this episode, Gemma and Justine dive into the abandonment schema and discuss how it affects people when they date. They explain how an abandonment schema develops, what it feels like, and what tends to activate it. Justine also talks about what she does to help her clients prevent their abandonment schemas from getting triggered when dating. Listen in today to learn how to take responsibility for your abandonment schema and find out how your abandonment schema could trip you up when dating.

Show highlights:

• The abandonment schema is a common theme in many of Justine’s sessions. 
• To do online dating, you have to be in the right mindset.
• Your abandonment schema might get activated early on when dating someone. Justine talks about various problems that could occur when that happens.
• How does an abandonment schema form when we are very young?
• What does an abandonment schema feel like?
• Gemma and Justine discuss the core belief carried by an abandonment schema.
• What tends to trigger an abandonment schema?
• Some strategies to prevent your abandonment schema from getting activated when dating someone.
• Learn how to cope with red flags and obstacles that might arise when dating someone. 
• How to detect early signs of narcissism in the person you are dating. 
• It is vital to flush out potentially avoidant people or individuals who may be catfishing early on.

Welcome back! 

2022 will be a great year!

Today Gemma discusses what it's like having a narcissistic parent and presents one of our older episodes (our most popular episode yet).

Find out more and enrol in The Red Flag Project course for women

Visit us at The Good Mood Clinic

Email us at justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Book mentioned in the show: 

When the Body Says No, by Gabor Mat

Some of the ways we behave and think are known as schemas. Schemas could be described as a filter through which we view the world, and they are closely linked to our deeply entrenched core beliefs.

Recently, Justine and Gemma received emails from various listeners experiencing similar problems. One of the emails was from Harry, who explained that he has an empathetic personality and suffered from being in a relationship with someone narcissistic, which probably means he has a self-sacrifice schema and possibly some other issues as well. Sally also wrote in to say that she has a friend who is a big self-sacrificer, and it gets in the way of her life. 

In this episode, Gemma and Justine look at Harry and Sally's situations and discuss schemas. They describe the self-sacrifice schema. They also describe the subjugation schema, which is different but often gets correlated with the self-sacrifice schema clinically. They discuss what those schemas feel like, what brings them up, and the kinds of problems they cause for people. They also give several tips for breaking out of self-sacrifice and subjugation schema patterns. Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• Justine describes the self-sacrifice schema.
• Guilt and resentment are associated with self-sacrifice schemas.
• Gemma talks about where the subjugation schema comes from, what brings it up, and the kind of problems it can cause. 
• Resentment usually kicks in after the self-sacrifice schema has come up.
• With subjugation schemas, people fear retaliation, rejection, and abandonment.
• The stress-related conditions that to occur with self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas.
• Gemma explains why she describes self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas as adaptive schemas, and why they might be referred to as conditional or secondary schemas in schema therapy.
• Why sensitive or empathic people are more prone to developing and surrendering to a self-sacrifice schema.
• Why are people with a self-sacrifice schema likely drawn to or targeted by narcissistic or entitled individuals?
• Justine and Gemma share some tips for breaking out of the self-sacrifice and subjugation schema patterns.
• Gemma explains what schema therapy is all about.
• There are dangers in not establishing good boundaries early on in your relationships and checking in with your schemas soon enough to start creating healthy options.
• Gemma talks about their new website, www.theredflagproject.com

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

 Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Go Straight to - Schema Chemistry Live Webinar

 Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

 Instagram 

 Facebook 

 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

 For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

 Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Some of the ways we think and some of our behavioral tendencies are called schemas. Schemas could be described as the lens through which we see the world. They are closely related to our ingrained core beliefs but tend to be a little broader than those. 

Schema therapy makes things very clear and gives us some easy-to-understand labels to describe our behavior. Justine and Gemma have found schema therapy useful for problem-solving and understanding what is going on beneath the surface in relationships. 

In this episode, they dive into the area of relationships and look at how early schemas can overlap with people’s attachment styles to form the antagonistic push-pull relationships in which so many of us seem to find ourselves. They describe the anxious and avoidant styles of attachment and discuss some general terms that could help us think in terms of schemas rather than larger categories of behavior. Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• There are four categories of attachment styles.
• Gemma discusses the secure attachment style.
• Literature tells us that 50% of the world falls into the category of secure attachment. Gemma and Justine discuss whether or not that is accurate.
• Gemma and Justine describe and discuss the anxious and avoidant attachment styles. 
• How the anxious and avoidant attachment styles fit in with schema therapy models.
• Anxious and avoidant people often tend to get together and cause each other a lot of pain.
• Why anxious types often tend to be women and avoidant types tend to be men.
• Anxious and avoidant relationships tend to be nuanced. Gemma and Justine discuss some of the nuances and explain the best approach to ensure that your emotional needs get met. 
• People have different ways of coping with their unmet core emotional needs.
• Schemas tend to overlay and present in varying degrees with the anxiously attached person.
• People who are avoidantly attached often tend to use avoidance across other areas of their lives as well. 
• Attachment styles tend to present on a continuum.
• Gemma and Justine will be doing a live webinar on schema chemistry on the 26th of November at 10 o’clock Sydney time. It will be recorded and will be available on the new  website soon. 
• Go to the Schema Chemistry Webinar

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to   https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Most people have an inner critic. Some are aware of it and acknowledge it, while others do not seem to notice the disparaging voice talking to them inside their head. The inner critic does not have to be a constant and deliberate internal narrative. It could also be a cluster of automatic thoughts or things you say out loud to yourself. 

Gemma enjoys looking through the lens of schema therapy when she works with people because it provides a helpful language for learning to understand the inner critic. Schema therapy assists her in pulling the critical voice apart. That allows her to take a closer look at all the different types of critics and assess the various functions they might perform. It helps to know what triggers the critical voice, whether or not its messages are useful, and if it comes from anyone in particular. 

In this episode, Gemma explores the inner critic by breaking it down, examining how the different elements play out, and discussing how to shift them, change them or shape them into something useful. Stay tuned for more!

Show highlights:

• Why do we, as humans, tend to be our own worst enemy? 
• Why mindfulness is so helpful.
• Gemma clarifies what the inner critic is and where it comes from.
• How schemas are created.
• Things that could give rise to negative self-talk.
• Using schema therapy to break the inner critic down into different elements.
• Looking at the harsh, toxic, or punitive inner critic.
• Identifying and unpacking the demanding inner critic.
• Investigating the guilt-inducing parent critic. 

Book mentioned:
Reinventing Your Life, by Jeffrey E. Young

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

 Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

 Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC

 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

 Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB

 For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to  https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

In today’s mailbox episode, Gemma and Justine address two questions submitted by two different listeners. One of the questions is about co-parenting children with a narcissistic ex-partner and how to protect them from the negative influences of their narcissistic parent. The other question is about supporting a partner while they have schema therapy. 

Like any other personality trait, type, or disorder, narcissism falls on a continuum, so every case is different and comes with its own level of difficulty. People can fall anywhere on the spectrum, from having a few narcissistic traits to being an extremely toxic pathological and malignant narcissist. Some people with narcissistic traits could also have some healthy traits. So you might be able to communicate with them rationally in their healthy moments, while others may have more extreme traits and can be more difficult to deal with as a co-parent.

Narcissism is a complicated topic, and co-parenting your children with a narcissistic ex-partner can be very tricky. You can go back and listen to episodes 14, 17, 20, and 22 to gain a deeper understanding of narcissism and learn how to deal with the narcissist in your life. Those episodes also cover how to manage your narcissistic parents when you are an adult. 

Show highlights:

• Justine reads out and discusses the email that Joe sent in asking how to support his teenage daughters without undermining their relationship with their narcissistic mother.
• Gemma explains how Joe can keep the lines of communication with his kids open. 
• Justine explains to Joe how he can provide a safe space and be an emotional coach for his kids.
• What you can do when your child comes home and shares a distressing story about something that has happened at their other parent’s house.
• Talking to your kids about boundaries.
• There are many resources available on the topic of narcissism.
• Justine and Gemma summarize and discuss Karen’s question about how to help and support her partner while he is doing schema therapy.
• How to cope with a partner with an emotional deprivation and a self-sacrifice schema.
• Coming up with a plan when your partner and you both get triggered.
• Why you should never throw things that people have said to you when they are vulnerable back in their faces.
• How the subjugation and self-sacrifice schemas are correlated.

Links:
Free webinar on co-parenting with a narcissist:
https://susanstif

Emotion Coaching information 

Books:
Disarming the Narcissist, by Wendy Behary

Listen to a meditation by Dr Gemma Gladstone, where she takes you on a journey to connect with and start to heal an inner child part of you who needs love and connection.  This meditation is very gentle and may assist you to develop a greater sense of compassion for yourself as a whole.  The meditation only focuses on you and a child part of you who feels alone or  overwhelmed by difficult emotions.  It might be listened to as an adjunct to the individual therapy you are receiving, especially if the therapy is working on childhood issues.  If you have lots of pain around your childhood and if you have experienced trauma in your childhood, we recommend that you seek therapy to help you work through those issues rather than relying only on self-help methods.  

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to    https://1800respect.org.au

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
Some distinct red flags tend to show up in the very early stages of dating that indicate that the person you are dating is likely to become emotionally unavailable, controlling, or toxic in a relationship. When you are in that situation, it can be hard to understand what is going on, and if you really want the relationship to work out, you could even become resistant and fail to recognize your schemas when they come up.

Today, Gemma and Justine continue with their series on the indicators of coerciveness or control in the early stages of dating. In the last episode, they did a therapist/client role-play to help you identify some early markers of controlling behaviors, understand what they mean, and recognize the feelings that tend to arise when that happens. In this episode, they refer to that role-play and take a deeper dive into the topic. They focus on schemas that might come up for the client and analyze what could be going on with her internally after being triggered by the guy she is dating. Stay tuned today to find out about the schemas that could make you vulnerable to control and learn how to avoid the possibility of landing up in a toxic relationship.

Show highlights:

• It can be confusing when being romantic and taking control crosses the line into becoming insensitive and controlling.
• Schemas that could make you vulnerable to being controlled or cloud your judgment.
• How an abandonment schema could affect you.
• The best mindset to adopt, when you have an abandonment schema and start dating.
• How a subjugation schema could affect you.
• Someone making fun of you, or a put-down made in jest, on a first date is a red flag.
• The difference between being self-sacrificing and being subjugated.
• How a defectiveness schema could affect you. 
• It is vital to have self-respect and protect the vulnerable child within you.
• Why do we need relationships to learn about ourselves?
• What a dependence schema is all about.
• Looking at schema chemistry. (What happens when you are attracted to someone who could potentially wound you in the same way you were wounded as a child?)
• Justine explains what the ‘downstairs brain’ is.
• Justine and Gemma talk about their upcoming webinar.

Other links and resources:
Books:
Reinventing Your Life by Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson
See What You Made Me Do by Jess Hill
The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker
In Control by Jane Monckton Smith

Webinar Link:
Schema Chemistry: Understanding the Role of Schemas in Romantic Attraction
The webinar will take place on Thursday the 28th of October at Australian Eastern Standard Time

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to     https://1800respect.org.au.
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Managing all the uncertainty surrounding the pandemic can be tough and make it hard for many of us to remain grounded during these challenging times. That’s why we need to talk openly with our kids about anything that could be worrying them and spend some extra time on our self-care right now.
Gemma and Justine are passionate about helping women make better choices in their relationships. In this new series of episodes, they will be focusing on helping women to identify the red flags that tend to show up very early on when dating, or in relationships, that could potentially lead to emotional unavailability in a partner, a partner being controlling, or a more dangerous outcome.
In the past, Justine and Gemma have both been in relationships with unavailable partners. Many of their clients have also experienced problematic relationship patterns. In this episode, they will be talking about some of the markers that might show up soon after you meet someone that could give away a tendency for them to become controlling and toxic in a relationship. Stay tuned today to learn about coercive control and how to spot some of the darker red flags that might show up early on when you are dating someone.

Show highlights:

• Justine talks about what they will be exploring over the next three podcasts.   
• Gemma shares some devastating statistics.
• A pattern of coercive control often precedes violent crimes against women.
• Justine and Gemma do a role play to show what coercive control looks like when it shows up in the early stages of dating.
• Getting into an intimate or sexual relationship can set a woman’s attachment system off. That makes it harder to make rational and healthy adult decisions.
• Mentioning an ex can be a red flag.
• A manipulative attempt can often be dressed up with romantic gestures.
• Some examples of how a healthy person would treat you, compared with someone potentially coercive or controlling.
• Pseudo intimacy may feel a bit off, but it could also feel pleasantly romantic.
• What does it show you when the guy you are dating posits himself as a victim and his ex as a perpetrator in the stories he tells?
• Slow down, collect data, and speak out when you do not feel comfortable.
• Why do you need to notice it when you start feeling guilty? 

Other links and resources:
Books:
Reinventing Your Life by Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson
See What You Made Me Do by Jess Hill
The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker
 In Control by Jane Monckton Smith
     

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
 Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Some people find it very hard to cope if their best friend goes out with another friend or starts a new friendship with someone else. They might find themselves feeling cut off, needy, jealous, or even angry. Abandonment triggers in a friendship can be just as strong as those in a romantic relationship. Especially if that friendship is a special one and the friend is someone important to you. In those situations, the same feelings could come up as they would in a romantic relationship. That can be quite confusing.

In this episode, Gemma and Justine answer a mailbox question they received from a therapist who wrote in asking for tips for some of her clients struggling with an abandonment schema and friendships. Those clients were finding it very hard to cope with the problems they experienced in their platonic relationships. Stay tuned today to hear about the triggers that can come up in your friendships when you have an abandonment schema and learn what to do to create healthier relationships.

Show highlights:

• Gemma and Justine talk about some of the situations in a friendship that could trigger an abandonment schema.
• Having an abandonment schema triggered can cause feelings of shame or make people feel like something is wrong with them.
• Sometimes, we have friendships that are not good for us. Those relationships can be very triggering.
• Justine and Gemma discuss what defines a healthy friendship.
• Repairing a relationship with a friend can sometimes be harder than repairing a romantic relationship.
• Some characteristics of schema-driven friendships.
• Relationships can be hard work.
• Triggers are often small and can represent a difference or a separation. 
• Not all situations need to be discussed. Sometimes you only need to sit with your feelings.
• Moving away from the black and white/all or nothing frame of reference is vital in healthy relationships.
• It helps to understand that all relationships go through cycles of rupture and repair.

Other links and resources:
Books:
Reinventing Your Life By Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson

Podcast Justine mentioned: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-peter-attia-drive/id1400828889?i=1000484615115

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
 
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Click here for the Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC  (Go to our website to download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the Podcast Page!)
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Gemma and Justine have another conversation in their series on breakups and schemas today.

If you have ever experienced a breakup when you have an abandonment schema, you know how traumatic it is. So it is understandable if you would want to avoid going through that pain again. In this episode, Justine and Gemma share a mailbox segment. They answer a question sent in by a client of Justine, who is in the process of addressing her abandonment schema. Although she is doing well and has started experimenting with finding a relationship, she has become aware of a strong urge to avoid looking for a partner because she fears the feelings that might arise if things fail to work out.

In trying to care for herself in the longer term, Justine’s client is struggling to deal with her fears around the possibility of having to feel the feelings of abandonment again.  Be sure to stay tuned today to find out what to do and how to cope if you are in that situation.

Show highlights:

• Gemma and Justine explain why people might intentionally choose to avoid relationships.
• There is a difference between someone avoiding finding a romantic partner due to the pain of an abandonment schema and someone who is not interested in a relationship.
• Life can be easier if you avoid relationships, but it can also be lonely.
• Even when you understand your schemas and can use that framework to understand your past relationship decisions and how they played out, it can still be difficult to muster the confidence to trust your decision-making and avoid choosing an unavailable partner. 
• In their Red Flag Project, Gemma and Justine share a specific strategy to help you avoid becoming attached to people too quickly.
• Once you can spot the red flags, you will realize how much you have changed. 
• Although you cannot avoid your emotional triggers, you can learn to respond in healthier ways.
• How to cope when you realize that your defectiveness schema has been triggered.
• Download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the podcast page on our website!
• What you can do if you are struggling to find someone you like.
• Even if you do not feel it initially, you could end up having amazing chemistry with someone who meets your emotional needs.
• Dating is about self-development as well as finding a partner. Doing the right kind of work can help shift your thoughts and feelings of hopelessness and remove your internal barriers to finding someone.

Books:
Reinventing Your Life
Reinventing Your Life By Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young       
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
 
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Click here for the Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au


The break up of a romantic relationship causes so much angst and heartache for so many of us. Some people can’t stop thinking about their ex, and regardless of whether they did the breaking up or someone broke up with them, they cannot get that person out of their mind. They remain emotionally invested and find it hard to stop ruminating, even if they were with the person only for a few dates or a short-term relationship.

Today, Gemma and Justine continue with their conversation on the theme of romantic break-ups. In this episode, they talk about some of the ways that schemas can trip you up during a break-up. You might become distressed and confused when you cannot stop thinking about the person with whom you have broken up. You might dream about your ex-partner, and it could even reach a point where your friends and family start becoming frustrated with you for not moving on. Yet, you still find yourself trapped in a continuous loop from which you feel unable to break free. When a schema gets activated, it adds another layer of emotional suffering to something that is already hard, so be sure to stay tuned today to find out what to do when you cannot get over your ex after breaking up.

Show highlights:

• Although it can be very distressing and confusing when an abandonment schema gets activated during a break-up, you can still choose how to respond to it.
• Gaining some insight and knowledge can help you not to be so hard on yourself.
• Many people get triggered when photos get tagged on social media.
• What happens when your preoccupation with your ex is based on guilt.
• After a break-up, people need time to disconnect, heal and reinvest their energies into themselves. 
• Why abandonment schemas can lead to rumination after a break-up.
• How to help yourself become less inclined to go down the tracks of rumination.
• Understanding your abandonment schema.
• How schema therapy and schema mode therapy empower people.
• Resisting the allure of your abandonment fantasy and learning to tend to your own suffering after a break-up.
• Some tips for coping when your abandonment schema gets triggered.
• Gemma and Justine have put together a manual for strategies to help cope and minimize your suffering after a break-up.

Other links and resources mentioned:

Books:
Reinventing Your Life By Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young
         
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
The Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing:
Justine and Gemma - justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

It is not uncommon early on in a relationship to realize deep down that your emotional needs will not be met, yet you find you are unable to leave. Things might have started hopefully, and you crave the connection and want things to work out, but you see a red flag. Or there may have been an accumulation of things that have added up over time. Either way, it is painful to be in a position where you know it is in your best interest to break things off, but you cannot do it.

Today, Gemma and Justine follow on from their last conversation in the area of breakups. In this episode, they talk about what happens in the early stage of a relationship, or a newly established relationship, when part of you knows that things are not working, or something is not right, but you cannot get out of it. Be sure to stay tuned today to learn how to start moving away from toxic patterns when you find your schemas getting in the way of calling it quits with a relationship.

Show highlights:

• Gemma and Justine discuss the inner conflict that happens when you know you should leave, but your abandonment schema gets in the way.
• It is vital to tune into your internal red flags and trust your gut instinct when you are not treated well enough or disrespected by someone.
• Recognizing the red flags when the writing is on the wall for a relationship.
• Some schemas and core beliefs could get in the way of ending a new relationship.
• Facing your inner critic is vital for seeing things as they are.
• Recognizing your adaptations of other-directedness.
• The dynamics in some relationships can constantly trigger schemas, and that could cause and maintain depression in some people.
• Learning to recognize it when you minimize, intellectualize, or rationalize someone’s bad behavior.
• Recognizing and acknowledging inconsistent or avoidant behavior in a partner.
• It is far better, to be honest with yourself and go through the short-term pain of calling a relationship off sooner rather than later if you are not getting what you need. 
• Moving away from toxic patterns.
• How proximate disconnection could lead to an emotional deprivation schema.
• Abandonment and emotional deprivation tend to appear when someone has avoidant behaviors.

Recommended Book:
Reinventing Your Life

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing:  justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Some people struggle a lot with the intensity of their feelings when they are in the throes of a break-up of a romantic relationship, particularly when they have an abandonment schema as well. The pain of the break-up and the schema becoming activated simultaneously presents a unique situation that leaves those individuals fraught with painful feelings.

In this episode, Gemma and Justine discuss why that kind of break-up feels so painful. They talk about what a normal break-up might feel like and explain how an abandonment schema adds extra suffering and a particularly unpleasant element to the break-up of a relationship. If you have an abandonment schema, be sure to listen in today to find out why you might be having such intense feelings and emotions after a break-up with someone you only met recently. You will also learn how an abandonment schema could lead to depression and how to make sense of that kind of situation in the future.

Show highlights:                                                                                           

• Why that kind of break-up feels so painful.
• Why the feelings are so intense when your abandonment schema gets triggered.
• What it feels like when the abandoned child mode comes up.
• Ways to get intense feelings to subside and to make sense of them.
• What it takes to understand an abandonment schema.
• How abandonment schemas can cause depression.
• What to do if you get triggered.
• Getting to know where your feelings are coming from.
• Addressing your abandonment issues and growing through that process.

Other links and resources mentioned:

Welcome to another episode of the Good Mood Clinic podcast! Meeting people is hard and dating can be tricky business. Almost everyone is using dating apps these days, regardless of  age. However, navigating your way through those apps can be a daunting experience. It is often fraught with problems, especially in the beginning.

Many of us grapple with issues associated with online dating. Today, Gemma and Justine talk about the early stages of meeting and communicating with someone online, which is often a challenge with which many of their clients struggle.  Be sure to tune in today to learn how to make it easier to find a loving partner.

Show highlights:

• Justine talks about things that could add to the emotional roller coaster many people find themselves on in the early stages of dating someone.
• Justine talks about micro-decisions that could end up have a long-term impact.
• Schemas often tend to influence the decisions people make.
• Creating a profile on online dating apps that represents you appropriately.
• Choosing the right photos of yourself for your profile.
• Justine points out some choices you could make that could lead you to a dead-end on dating apps.
• Refining your screening process to better your chances of finding a good relationship.
• Some barriers that women tend to come up with that hinder their chances of meeting the right person.
• The first point of contact is crucial. Gemma points out some things you should be aware of at that stage.
• Justine shares an example of how something small could mean a lot. 

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing:  justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Study Justine Referred to:  https://theconversation.com/men-are-from-mars-women-are-from-mars-how-people-choose-partners-is-surprisingly-similar-but-depends-on-age-161081

Recommended books:
Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey Young
Love Me Don’t Leave Me by Michelle Skeen
Breaking Negative Relationship Patterns by Bruce A. Stevens and Eckhard Roediger

Welcome to another episode of the Good Mood Clinic podcast! Today, Gemma Gladstone follows on with the theme of red flags.

A short while ago, Gemma and Justine introduced their course called The Red Flag Project. The Red Flag Project course stems from their experience working with a niche group of women going to therapy to work on a consistent pattern they observed in their lives where relationships became unsustainable. Or they kept on getting romantically involved with partners who were avoidant or had difficulty forming secure relationships. Those patterns could play out in any relationship. Because our schemas, how we were raised, and our attachment history and patterns tend to influence our partner choice and the push-pull dynamic in our relationships.

There is a sub-group of women who seem to get involved with narcissistic men who could be very controlling or even dangerous, and some women find it hard to notice and act upon the early warning signs. Today, Gemma talks about the difference between caring and controlling behavior within relationships and the red flags that show up as early boundary violations. Be sure to listen in to learn about the red flags that could alert you to patterns of coercive control in your relationship.

Show highlights:

• Coercive control in relationships usually involves a pattern of a man controlling his female partner. 
• Gemma describes the lessons in the Red Flag Project course.
• Gemma explains what a boundary is and talks about different types of boundaries.
• Things that tend to influence the way we establish our boundaries.
• Gemma gives some examples of emotional boundaries and talks about strategies for setting effective boundaries.
• Some examples of early markers of boundary violations and controlling behavior.
• What early markers of boundary violations could consist of.
• Gemma talks about some early markers of physical boundary violations.
• Gemma shares some questions you can ask yourself to determine whether someone is capable of respecting your boundaries.
• Some traits of those who fall into the category of potentially falling into a relationship with a controlling partner.
• Some schemas get in the way of setting and adhering to healthy boundaries.

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing:  justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
For women seeking counseling, support, or guidance, contact 1800 737 732
For men seeking counseling, support, or guidance, contact the men’s helpline 1300 78 99 78

Welcome back to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast! Gemma and Justine are back after a short hiatus due to some ups and downs and a lot going on in their lives recently. They have been having some interesting conversations with their clients and one another lately about odd things that set them off. In today's, show they discuss a few of the psychological quirks and issues that some people may experience.

Gemma has a problem with feeling disgusted by some of the noises made by the people she is close to when they eat or slurp a drink. It is actually a thing, and it is called misophonia. In this episode, Gemma and Justine share some information about misophonia, mirror-touch synaesthesia, trypophobia, and Alice in Wonderland Syndrome. Be sure to join them today to learn about those conditions and to find out if your thing might be some type of condition or psychological syndrome.

Show highlights:

• Gemma gets disgusted and filled with rage when her husband eats certain things. It is a thing, and it is called misophonia.
• Gemma defines what misophonia.
• Gemma and Justine discuss why misophonia tends to be with people close to you.
• Misophonia seems to set off the fight or flight mechanism in people.
• Gemma explains what treatment for misophonia would involve.
• Gemma has also had a bit of mirror-touch synaesthesia all her life. But only with her legs.
• Mirror touch synaesthesia is quite a common condition, and people have variations of it.
• In a study, people with mirror-touch synaesthesia were better able to recognize the nuances of emotions than people without the condition could.
• Another syndrome that Gemma relates to is Alice in Wonderland Syndrome. It has to do with the distortion of your perception of your body image.
• Justine’s daughter experiences something called trypophobia. 
• It helps to name your thing.

Links and Resources:

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing:  justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

In today's episode, Gemma shares her experience and impressions of working with clients who have had the unfortunate experience of being 'diagnosed' with "treatment-resistant depression".  Gemma believes this is a dangerous and disempowering label which does nothing to help people get to the bottom of what's driving their depression. 

 Gemma has been doing therapy with people in a clinical practice setting since 2001. In 2005, she finished  an eleven-year association with a tertiary referral clinic for mood disorders, where she worked in various positions in a clinical research capacity.   During those eleven years, Gemma came in contact with hundreds of people referred for depression. Many of those patients had some type of mood disorder, like major depressive or bipolar disorder, and they were often referred to as treatment-resistant.

In this episode, she shares her thoughts centering around people coming to therapy when they have been spending years struggling with a mood disorder like chronic depression or recurrent bouts of a major depressive episodes. She talks mainly about the psychological nature/risk factors and the psycho-social aspects of depression.

Show highlights:

• Gemma always encourages people with depression to explore whatever will work for them. 
• Gemma explains why she has a problem with giving people the label of Treatment-Resistant Depression.
• There are several psychological or schema-driven risk factors that people have not previously thought about that could be driving their chronic or recurrent low mood.
• Gemma looks at the issue of biological versus non-biological, which raises the issue of so-called melancholic depression versus non-melancholic depression.
• People with all kinds of depressions, even those considered to be biological, like bipolar, will benefit from psychological, social, and connection interventions such as schema therapy.
• Gemma explains why you should not accept a diagnostic decision imposed on you as the absolute truth.
• Gemma explains why some people go to therapy with the idea that nothing will help them with their depression.
• Gemma explains how she empowers people and assists them in moving away from unhelpful and limiting labels.
• Gemma mentions five broad categories of risk factors  that tend to underlie and drive chronic or 'difficult to treat' depression.  Gemma has noticed these over the years in her work as a therapist and while working in psychiatric environments.
• Gemma looks at the category of unprocessed loss as contributing factor to depression.
• Gemma discusses complex trauma as it relates to depression.
• Gemma elaborates about the background trauma factor plus the big blocking factors to getting well.
• Gemma shares about the intricacies of depressogenic schemas.
• Gemma delves into the category of depressogenic relationships.
• Interventions like meditation, movement, and exercise will always help in overcoming depression.

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing:  justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
Recommended books:
Reinventing Your Life  by Jeffrey Young
Complex PTSD by Pete Walker

Today, Jen Hoey joins us as our guest on the podcast. This episode is the first in a series where we will be discussing the dangers that our kids face online. In the series, we will be highlighting some pertinent things that we need to think about and look out for in that area.

Over the years, Jen has developed a passionate interest in the topic of kids online. And she has become knowledgeable about how to protect kids in the online space. Unfortunately, her interest stems from a personal experience with her daughter. In this episode, Jen will tell us the story of that experience to highlight what goes on with kids online.

In response to what happened with her daughter, Jen started a Facebook group called Not My Kid, where she shares lots of information about the problems with our children and their online experiences and how to protect them. Be sure to stay tuned today to hear Jen’s story
and learn how to protect your kids in the online space.

Show highlights:

• Jen talks about how she came to be in the position of having to go into the world of kids in the the online space.     
• The healing process for both Jen and her daughter began with Jen writing the story of what had happened.
• Jen explains why she started the closed Facebook Group, Not My Kid.
• Jen’s daughter has recovered well. She and Jen talk about everything now, including porn, se    sexting, and predators.
• Shame was a big issue for Jen’s daughter after her experience.
• Parents need to be aware of the risks. And put restrictions in place for the safety of their  children.
• Forty percent of eight to eleven-year-olds are unsupervised online in Australia.
• For Jen, the rule of thumb is now that any connection with the outside world brings a risk.
• Kids need to learn about the risks early. And they should hear about them from their parents  first.
• Jen discusses the push-back that happened in response to the age verification for online games and pornography.
• The filters on YouTube are not very robust. Parents should be aware of that.
• Parents should experiment to see what their children will see. It is invaluable when assessing the risk.
• For people who watch porn regularly to keep on getting the same level of satisfaction, the material has to become more and more extreme.
• The way that the porn industry is creating offenders.
• Jen offers some advice for parents who are concerned after discovering that their child got exposed to child exploitation material.
• Jen talks about the Cyber Safety Lady.
• Jen explains why you should be cautious about using the word ‘trust’ when talking to your children.

Links and resources:
Jen's Story:-
Online predators: Brave mums shares her true story | North Shore Mums
https://www.facebook.com/groups/NotMyKid.parentgroup/
The Cyber Safety lady:-
https://thecybersafetylady.com.au/

Gabe Deem, Reboot Nation (discussion around pornography)
https://www.rebootnation.org/

General Recommended Books:
Glow Kids, Nicholas Kardaras, PhD
Breaking the Trance, George Lynn with Cynthia Johnson
The Collapse of Parenting, Leonard Sax, MD, PhD
Ten-Ager, Madonna King

Dateline, Digital Predators:-
https://www.sbs

We have been getting some comments, queries, and questions in our mailbox recently. So in this episode, we will be introducing a new mailbox segment that we will have on the podcast from time to time. 

With this podcast, we strive to raise awareness about some common topics that many of us have to deal with. So, if you are struggling with something or have an issue, the chances are that many others will be in the same boat. One of the things we received in our mailbox was an email from someone who listened to our podcast about narcissistic parents. In her email, she reflected on what that podcast meant for her regarding her narcissistic parent. She has kindly permitted us to read her email out on the show today and talk about it. Be sure to stay tuned to find out what our listener had to say.

Show highlights:

• Justine reads the letter from the listener, who we will call Jane. In it, she asks how to protect herself emotionally in her relationship with her narcissistic mother.
• Jane is trying to work out what is possible in terms of her relationship with her mother. 
• In her mother’s reply to her letter, she offered Jane nothing. Nor did she apologize to Jane or validate what she said, so Jane does not know what to do.
• Jane wants recognition. She wants to be seen and understood.
• Jane wants her mum to put her stuff aside and take care of Jane in the present moment.
• Jane’s mum has not answered any of Jane‘s questions. Nor has she offered any repair or explained her behavior. 
• Jane has no way of knowing if her mum’s question about her wellbeing is sincere, so the situation remains unresolved.
• Past behavior is usually the best predictor of future behavior.
• The ‘healthy adult mode’ is required for narcissistic parents to put their stuff aside and come to the table. 
• Jane needs to prioritize what is important for her before re-establishing a relationship with her mother.
• Jane is likely to get triggered by her mother if she decides to re-establish a relationship with her.
• We can never make another person feel or respond in the way we would like them to.
• A therapist can help you navigate and come to terms with the hurt caused by a narcissistic parent.

Links and resources:

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing:  justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Recommended reading:

Reinventing Your Life (A self-help book for schema therapy) by Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko

Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina W. Brown

Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary

Last week, our Red Flag Project went out, and what we talk about in today’s podcast is related to that. We will be talking about the pleasures and pitfalls of online dating today. The dating process can be hard for some women to live through. It can be quite an emotional rollercoaster, and it can also trigger lots of schemas.  

The world of online dating is the way to go right now. However, people looking for partners are doing something hard because they have to maintain a state of hopefulness and willingness. And they need to face date after date, week after week, trying to find what feels like a needle in a haystack because it is not easy to find a guy who is a good match and who can give a woman what she wants. Some women come across all kinds of problems and difficulties in themselves, and the guys they meet could also make it difficult for various reasons. That makes it very hard at times to maintain your emotional equilibrium. Be sure to stay tuned today to learn how to avoid some of the pitfalls in the current world of online dating.

Much of what we talk about today pertains to both men and women. However, this podcast is geared mainly towards women to follow our Red Flag course.

Show highlights:

• There is often a pattern where women start off feeling optimistic, put themselves out there, and run strategies but end up feeling burnt out and hopeless.
• People are often in a situation with online dating where they get forced to make a quick choice with very little data.
• It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking about what will attract a guy when selecting a photo of yourself for a dating app. 
• Gemma and Justine discuss an article they read about a study on the difference in importance for men and women of photos versus the profile on dating apps.
• You will never really know what someone is like until you actually meet them.
• The best kind of pictures to use of yourself on dating apps.
• The kinds of schema-triggers that women tend to experience when they are dating online.
• Having a support system is helpful if you have an abandonment schema and you are doing online dating.
• Gemma shares her experience of online dating.
• With online dating, the only way out is through. That is good for your personal development.
• The patterns that Gemma noticed with the kind of men she was attracting.
• Why you need to question it if you think you have a type.
• The number one thing that men and women look for in a partner.
• It is not easy to meet someone, but persistence pays off.
• Shifting away from schema chemistry.
• In the Red flag course, Justine goes through some tips for online dating in a lot more detail. You can check it out on our website.
• Some of the schemas that could get triggered when you are dating.

Links and resources:

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing:  justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

We have been talking a lot about narcissism on the podcast recently because we have found that one of the main themes that people come to therapy with falls within the realm of narcissism. Coming to terms with narcissistic parents is a big issue that many people face, and it can be hard to do.

In our last episode, we spoke about the nature of the different dynamics of relationships with a narcissistic parent. In this episode, we will be talking about getting to the point of seeing your narcissistic parents for who they are and accepting them just as they are. Acceptance does not mean approval, however. Nor does it mean condoning someone’s unacceptable behavior or letting them off the hook. Acceptance is about accepting the reality of what is. And that can be very hard to do because it brings up many emotions around grief and loss. Listen in today to learn about coming to terms with having a narcissistic parent and the process you need to go through around that. 

Show highlights:

• You first need to come to be able to see that your parent is narcissistic. Then allow yourself to have all of your feelings about what that has meant and still means for you.
• It is good to explore your schemas and modes and discover how they were formed in the environment in which you were raised.
• The narcissistic parent is compromised, so they don’t always meet the needs of their children.
• Letting go is part of the painful process of coming to terms with a narcissistic parent.
• Why children often tend to take on the responsibility of keeping their parent emotionally safe. 
• Using the schema process to overcome the difficulties that adult children of narcissistic parents tend to have.
• Coming to terms with your parent being who they are. 
• Coming to terms with the feelings of grief and loss that result from toxic parenting.
• Coming to terms with your unmet childhood needs.
• Various modes result from the pain of unmet needs in children. It is important to look at those parts of yourself and re-parent yourself if you have had a narcissistic parent.
• Justine and Gemma talk about what you need to do to re-parenting yourself.
• The grief will always be there, but it will transform and change over time if you take good care of yourself.

Links and resources:

The Good Mood Clinic website 

Email Gemma and Justine at gemmaandjustine@goodmood.com.au  

Books mentioned: Will I ever Be Good Enough by Caroline McBride

                               Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary

                               Children of Self-Absorbed by Nina Brown   

The Red Flag Project is ready.  Read more about it and buy it here

From the annoying to the serious, Justine and Gemma focus on Red Flags in the world of dating and relationships. 

In this episode Gemma and Justine introduce their new online course.  A short, affordable course for women who want to sharpen their radar for detecting early signs of emotional unavailability, relationship disinterest , narcissism and even more pathological or potentially dangerous signs in a new or potential partner.  

When getting into a new relationship, there are many signs that indicate whether it is going to work. In today’s episode, we share the most common red flags you will see when entering into a new relationship with a partner who many be not good for you.  We tend to see many women getting stuck in these relationships. Prevention is better than cure!

Some of the most common flags we see in emotionally unavailable men is ghosting or love-bombing. While both on different ends of the spectrum, both indicate the need for control and the lack of commitment. Many of these relationships have signs such as space invaders or suffocating attention in the beginning. Due to the nature of these relationships, they are often not sustainable, and can lead to physical or emotional abuse. We are very passionate about helping women avoid these cycles, and that’s why we started the Red Flag Project. The Red Flag Project is a course designed to help you improve your relationships and avoid toxic interactions. If you find yourself struggling with any of these issues, join us in this episode for more information. 

Show Highlights: 

●      The commonalities of staying in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner 

●      Why the red flag project is for women and identifying early signs that suggest your partner won’t work out 

●      Gemma and Justine discuss the modules of the course and what is included 

●      Navigating online relationships can be hard but there are ways to get a sense of who someone is 

●      Why you should not waste time texting with online relationships 

●      Justine and Gemma share negative online dating experiences 

●      What influences men to ghost women or stand them up and why it’s more about them than you 

●      Love-bombing is a big red flag and is used by narcissists to make it hard for you to have negative emotions when things go wrong

●      How the 'abandoned child' part of your brain can trick you into falling for love-bombing 

●      Love-bombing isn’t sustainable, and it can produce an abuse cycle 

●      Red Flags that can indicate a toxic personality 

●      Tips to help women make informed choices on how to screen and who to screen out 

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing:  justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
Go to our socials to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner.

We have another podcast in our series on narcissism for you. For today, we will stay with the topic of the narcissistic parent and discuss the types of relationships you might be having with your narcissistic parent and the kind of dynamics you might find within that relationship. Clinically, we tend to see four categories of those kinds of relationship dynamics. In this episode, we will go into some detail about each of those categories. Stay tuned for more.

The first dynamic that we see quite often is where you get stuck in constantly clashing with your parent. In the second category, you don’t fight very much with your parent, you tend to accept things as they are, and you do a lot of internalizing. The third category is the estrangement category, where we see those who have deliberately chosen to cut themselves off from their narcissistic parent. And the fourth category is where you attempt to manage your narcissistic parent. Sometimes, some of those categories tend to overlap. Be sure to listen in today to find out more detail about each of the four different categories of relationship dynamics that you might find yourself in with your narcissistic parent. 

Show highlights:

• Gemma summarizes the four categories of relationship dynamics.
• Sometimes, you might flip between the different categories from moment to moment and from interaction to interaction.
• Gemma and Justine discuss the first category of constantly clashing with the narcissistic parent in more detail. They also share some examples of how that dynamic could play out within families.
• What triangulation is, and how it could occur in families where there is a narcissistic parent.
• The children are not always treated in the same way by the narcissistic parent.
• Gemma and Justine discuss the second category, where the child internalizes, believes, and surrenders to the messages they get from the narcissistic parent, in more detail.
• Realizing that you have a narcissistic parent can lead you to have feelings of anger or even denial. 
• How to deal with your anger after you come to realize that you have a narcissistic parent.
• Gemma and Justine discuss the third category, where they see people who have decided to cut themselves off from their narcissistic parent.
• Even those who have cut themselves off entirely from their narcissistic parent still need to work on the relationship because they have unfinished business with that person. 
• Looking at the last relationship dynamic, which Gemma and Justine call the management mode.
• What you need to consider in terms of how you manage the relationship when you continue your relationship with a narcissistic parent.
• Getting to know and understand the various modes that tend to get triggered in the narcissist will help you to manage your relationship with them.
• Trying to get your narcissistic parent to reflect on and understand their behavior is a dead-end street. 
• Gemma explains what is going on with the narcissist internally and how to cope with their behavior when they go into bullying or attacking mode or the angry child mode.

Links and resources:

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Click here for the Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC  (Go to our website to download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the Podcast Page!)
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our

We are continuing with our theme of narcissism, and today we are focusing on relationships with narcissistic parents. People who were raised by narcissistic parents struggle with guilt. They have trouble expressing what they think and feel about things because they worry about how people will respond to them, and whether or not people will listen to what they say, and take them seriously without judging them. 

Narcissists gaslight, invalidate and dismiss people. And they are also overly critical and often play the victim. Those are things that tend to create a subjugated response from people, and as a result, narcissistic parents cause a lot of schemas in their children. In this episode, we will be looking at how your relationship with a narcissistic parent could be affecting you. We will talk about why narcissists cannot take criticism, how you would know that you got parented by a narcissist, understanding how your schemas and coping styles got shaped by a narcissistic parent, and the traumatic effects of being loved conditionally. Be sure to stay tuned today to find out how narcissistic parents operate and learn how to deal with the consequences of having grown up in a narcissistic situation. 

Show highlights:

• Why it’s so hard to be authentic in the presence of a narcissistic parent.
• Why narcissists cannot bear criticism.
• How a narcissistic parent tends to cope with criticism.
• How you would know that you are getting parented by a narcissist.
• Understanding your schemas and coping styles, and learning how they got shaped by the schemas and coping styles of your narcissistic parent.
• Narcissistic parents tend to have a fantasy that their children are just like them.
• The traumatic effects of narcissistic parents turning on their children and becoming punitive.
• The effects of being parented by a narcissist who is only capable of loving conditionally.
• Looking at competitive mother syndrome.
• Why narcissists often become alcoholics.
• Why it is important to get therapy if you were raised by a narcissistic parent.
• Why self-doubt is a common consequence of having been raised by a narcissist. 
• Disentangling the confusion.

Links and resources:

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Click here for the Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC  (Go to our website to download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the Podcast Page!)
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner.

Today, we’re talking about an issue related to grief and loss. Grief is a multifaceted process, and it can be influenced by many different factors. Suffering the loss of someone we love can be a life-changing experience, and after going through that, it is quite normal to feel like a completely different person. In this episode, we discuss the process of grief, and we talk about how unique it is and how much it differs for every one of us.

Grief is a complex process that we all deal with in our own way. Sometimes, however, the people in our lives don’t quite understand our process of grieving and they expect us to be able to recover and move on far more quickly than we can. They could become frustrated or irritated with us when we don’t progress according to the timeline they have in mind, and that could make us worry or become concerned that we are not doing our grieving in the right way. Stay tuned today to learn the truth about the process of grieving, and learn how to show up for someone who is grieving and lean into their loss. You will also find out why you should never compare your experience of loss with that of anyone else. 

Show highlights:

• Some of the factors that influence the way that we grieve.
• The things that people tend to worry about in terms of their grief.
• Why so many people are worried about not conforming to a socially-sanctioned grief path.
• People struggle to get their heads around the concept that we are all going to die.
• In our society, there is often something missing in how people relate to someone else’s loss.
• Why we try to protect ourselves from the pain of the real and raw feelings of loss and grief.
• 2020 has been a year of confrontation around the area of loss and grief.
• The pain of non-acknowledgment.
• Leaning into someone else’s loss.
• The kind of responses that tend to make a bereaved person feel uncomfortable.
• Looking at complicated grief.
• How to show up for someone who is grieving.

Links and resources:

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Click here for the Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC  (Go to our website to download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the Podcast Page!)
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner.

As promised, we are continuing with the theme of narcissism. Some of us have no choice but to live with a narcissist or be around one at certain times. That is usually not very easy to do, so, today we will be talking about ways you can manage the narcissist in your life when you cannot escape having to spend time around them. It could be a parent, a sibling, a relative, an in-law, a boss, or even a work colleague. 

Christmas tends to be one of those times when we find ourselves having to sit around a table with someone whose company we would normally prefer to avoid. A narcissist is someone who is at the core of it, very self-absorbed, and their behavior can be challenging and difficult to deal with. Interacting with a narcissist is likely to trigger all of your schemas, so it is helpful to know what you can do to manage the situation. Be sure to stay tuned today to get some tips and find out the best course of action to take when you cannot avoid spending some time with the narcissist in your life.

Show highlights:

• The core qualities of a narcissist.
• The narcissistic parent.
• Why narcissists tend to blame others.
• The covert narcissist.
• Boundaries are necessary for your mental health, but they can sometimes be hard to define.
• Justine shares some ways that you can manage a narcissist.
• The way that narcissists behave can make it difficult to be around them. Justine and Gemma share some tips for making it a little easier.
• Practicing interpersonal mindfulness.
• Sometimes, relationships are very difficult and non-manageable.
• What you can do to prepare yourself before spending time with a narcissist.
• Some ways to protect yourself.

Links and resources:

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Click here for the Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC  (Go to our website to download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the Podcast Page!)
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Books mentioned:

Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina W Brown

Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed by Wendy T Behary

In the last few years, mainstream psychology has had a lot of focus on self-compassion. About a thousand research papers have been published on the areas of self-compassion, mental health, and the benefits of shifting our internal world and monologue to a more self-compassionate stance, to help us overcome mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

We all need as much compassion as we can get towards ourselves and others. We particularly need it now, when so many of us will not be able to share the holiday season with the ones we love. As humans, we often struggle to show ourselves any care or positive, warm regard because we have been programmed to multitask, survive, take care of others, and be aware of what could go wrong. In our quiet moments, we tend to go to the negative about things that have happened to us in the past and what the future might have in store for us. That makes it hard for us to stay in the zone of a mindful brain.

In today’s episode, Gemma talks about self-compassion. She explains what it is, the barriers you might have against it, and she gives some tips for bringing self-compassion into your life. Be sure to stay tuned to find out why self-compassion is so important.

 Show highlights:

• The different kinds of research that have been done recently on self-compassion.
• How Loving Kindness Meditation can help you develop self-compassion.
• Gemma defines compassion, and she discusses what it is.
• What self-compassion means.
• About the works of the psychologist researchers Kristin Neff, Chris Germer, Paul Gilbert, and Tania Singer.
• The gift that self-compassion provides for us. 
• Gemma gives some examples of when and how you can apply self-compassion.
• What happens when you deny an emotion that you’re feeling.
• The importance of self-validation.
• Why self-compassion is a stronger motivator than self-criticism, especially in the long term.
• Why people with a strong inner critic tend to be risk-averse.
• It takes courage to have self-compassion.
• Some of the schemas that can get in the way of self-compassion and self-care.

Links and resources:

The Good Mood Clinic website

Email Gemma and Justine at gemmaandjustine@goodmood.com.au 

Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner.

Recommended Reading:

The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion

In the last few years, mainstream psychology has had a lot of focus on self-compassion. About a thousand research papers have been published on the areas of self-compassion, mental health, and the benefits of shifting our internal world and monologue to a more self-compassionate stance, to help us overcome mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

We all need as much compassion as we can get towards ourselves and others. We particularly need it now, when so many of us will not be able to share the holiday season with the ones we love. As humans, we often struggle to show ourselves any care or positive, warm regard because we have been programmed to multitask, survive, take care of others, and be aware of what could go wrong. In our quiet moments, we tend to go to the negative about things that have happened to us in the past and what the future might have in store for us. That makes it hard for us to stay in the zone of a mindful brain.

In today’s episode, Gemma talks about self-compassion. She explains what it is, the barriers you might have against it, and she gives some tips for bringing self-compassion into your life. Be sure to stay tuned to find out why self-compassion is so important.

 Show highlights:

• The different kinds of research that have been done recently on self-compassion.
• How Loving Kindness Meditation can help you develop self-compassion.
• Gemma defines compassion, and she discusses what it is.
• What self-compassion means.
• About the works of the psychologist researchers Kristin Neff, Chris Germer, Paul Gilbert, and Tania Singer.
• The gift that self-compassion provides for us. 
• Gemma gives some examples of when and how you can apply self-compassion.
• What happens when you deny an emotion that you’re feeling.
• The importance of self-validation.
• Why self-compassion is a stronger motivator than self-criticism, especially in the long term.
• Why people with a strong inner critic tend to be risk-averse.
• It takes courage to have self-compassion.
• Some of the schemas that can get in the way of self-compassion and self-care.

Links and resources:

The Good Mood Clinic website

Email Gemma and Justine at justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au 

Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner.

Recommended Reading:

The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion

We’re talking about something very interesting today. We’re starting a series discussion on narcissism, a topic that has come up a lot for us as clinicians over the years. Many of our clients have also nominated narcissism as a topic that they would like us to talk about.

In our practices, we see many people whose lives are affected by narcissism, and those relationships are often very preoccupying and distressing. Some people have parents, partners, friends, or even bosses who are narcissists. Today, in our first episode of this series, we will be covering what narcissism is, exactly. We will discuss the particulars in-depth, and we will also give you some examples. Going forward, we will be following on with some more specific episodes on the topic of narcissism. Be sure to stay tuned today to find out what narcissism is and the kind of impact it could have on your life.

Show highlights:

• What narcissism is.
• What a healthy amount of narcissism means.
• What insidious narcissism entails.
• Some of the more obvious traits of narcissists.
• The grandiose narcissist.
• Why narcissists avoid feeling vulnerable.
• Why it’s so difficult to have a relationship with a narcissist.
• The schemas of the types of people who tend to gather around narcissists.
• Why relationships with narcissists can lead to depression.
• Why and how narcissists tend to overcompensate.
• The malignant narcissist.
• Using empathic confrontation in therapy with narcissists.
• The origins of narcissism from a schema perspective.
• How narcissists gain their supply.
• The covert narcissist.
• Some of the defining characteristics of people with narcissism.

Links and resources:

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Click here for the Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC  (Go to our website to download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the Podcast Page!)
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner.

Recommended Reading:

Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary

Many different reasons cause us to develop abandonment schemas, and two other schemas tend to co-occur alongside an abandonment schema. They are the self-sacrifice schema and the subjugation schema. Those can cause a lot of distress, so you need to become aware of them and the way they could affect you.

With both the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas, you tend to become preoccupied with other people’s thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, and desires. And with both of them, you end up putting yourself aside, either to make the other person happy or to keep them connected to you. In today’s episode, we will be talking about the primary emotions that drive the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas, how those schemas differ, how they affect your relationships, and what you can do to transform them so that they no longer affect you as much as before. Be sure to stay tuned to find out all you need to know about the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas and how to lessen the negative impact they could be having on your life.

Show highlights:

• The primary emotion that drives the self-sacrifice schema.
• How the self-sacrifice and the subjugation schemas differ.
• Why you could end up with burnout as a result of self-sacrifice.
• The primary emotional driver of the subjugation schema.
• Why subjugation causes you to suppress your authenticity.
• How the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas affect relationships.
• Why you’re likely to choose partners with extreme personality types, like narcissists, when you have self-sacrifice or subjugation schemas.
• Why it is hard to have healthy boundaries when you have self-sacrifice or subjugation schemas.
• How different schemas operate and roll out at the various stages of a relationship.
• What happens to you when you chronically suppress yourself in a relationship.
• Coping with the shame and grief around the realization of what your unhealthy relationship truly is.
• Two common patterns that incorporate the self-sacrifice, subjugation, and abandonment schemas. 
• How to put yourself in a position to start feeling more powerful.

Links and resources:

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Click here for the Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC  (Go to our website to download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the Podcast Page!)
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what's new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner.

An extended version of the Loving Kindness meditation 

The loving kindness (or metta) meditation –  is a type of Buddhist meditation which focuses on sending love, care and good will to yourself as well as others.  The old name for this meditation is the  metta bhavana.  In this adaptation of the metta bhavana, I focus on the first stage - sending metta (or love) to ourselves.  

These types of meditations are particularly good for helping you cultivate a deep sense of compassion for yourself and others and can help with calming down negative self-talk and negative emotional states.  

The loving kindness meditation can also help with developing greater acceptance around situations over which you have no control and helping you accept reality, including other people for who they are.  

These kinds of compassions focused meditations also have neurological underpinning and help us change the way we view ourselves, other people and the world in which we live.  With a regular practice we can learn to better handle the ups and downs of everyday life and to develop more positive emotional states and more prosocial or compassion based behaviours.  Research teaches us that a regular mediation practice whether that be mindfulness-based, insight-based or compassion-based, can actually change our brains for the better and can contribute to a healthier life. 
Dr Gemma Gladstone
www.goodmood.com.au

Visit our podcast page
https://www.goodmood.com.au/a-psychology-and-schema-therapy-podcast/

In this episode, Gemma and Justine discuss how the abandonment schema can prevent someone from ending or leaving an unhealthy romantic relationship.  Being able to walk away from a relationship that is not good for you can be a very difficult and daunting experience.  There are some relationships which seem so familiar on a sub-conscious level because the dynamics match or replicate aspects of our earliest attachments - that is our relationships with our parents or care-givers when we were young children.  These relationships are often with partners who cannot commit, are unstable in some way and unavailable in some way.  The flavour of these relationships is that they are inconsistent, with a tenuous or insecure connection.  The 'abandoned child' part of us, feels a sense of "sameness" and stays in these relationships, hoping and longing that the unavailable partner will one day become available.  We also discuss in some detail, why it is especially hard for some people to walk away from an affair that they are having with a married person (ie, an extremely unavailable person). 

Please visit  https://www.goodmood.com.au  for more information and to visit our podcast page to send us a note, ask a question or suggest a topic for future episodes.

Go to https://www.goodmood.com.au for more information on schemas and schema therapy or to inquire about schema coaching with Gemma or Justine. 

The third in the series of our discussions on the abandonment schema and its role in romantic relationships.  In this episode we discuss the ways that an abandonment schema can play out in an otherwise stable and secure relationship and cause havoc for you and your partner.  What are some of the ways that an unchecked or largely unhealed abandonment schema can sabotage your relationship? How can you begin to notice your abandonment triggers in this contents and use your "healthy adult" mode to help you navigate through the maze of abandonment feelings.  It's not easy but you can get there over time!
Please visit www.goodmood.com.au for more information and to visit our podcast page to send us a note. 
Go to https://www.goodmood.com.au for more information on schemas and schema therapy.

• The different kinds of research that have been done recently on self-compassion.
• How Loving Kindness Meditation can help you develop self-compassion.
• Gemma defines compassion, and she discusses what it is.
• What self-compassion means.
• About the works of the psychologist researchers Kristin Neff, Chris Germer, Paul Gilbert, and Tania Singer.
• The gift that self-compassion provides for us. 
• Gemma gives some examples of when and how you can apply self-compassion.
• What happens when you deny an emotion that you’re feeling.
• The importance of self-validation.
• Why self-compassion is a stronger motivator than self-criticism, especially in the long term.
• Why people with a strong inner critic tend to be risk-averse.
• It takes courage to have self-compassion.
• Some of the schemas that can get in the way of self-compassion and self-care.

In this episode, Justine and Gemma discuss a very common issue they see in their practice. Many of us have a pattern of being attracted to and staying with romantic partners who are emotionally unavailable.  What exactly is Unavailability anyway? In this episode we focus at depth on this type of relationship dynamic, we give common examples and discuss the schema involved and how they are commonly triggered.  We then discuss how people can begin to change this pattern and what they need to do to start seeing their relationships more clearly and make different choices.  It's a meaty episode.  Stay tuned for further episode related to this important relationship dynamic!


Go to https://www.goodmood.com.au for more information on schemas and schema therapy.

Sign up using the contact box on this page and ask for your tip-sheet on the signs of an available partner  https://www.goodmood.com.au/a-psychology-and-schema-therapy-podcast/

Feel free to ask us a question and we will answer it in the podcast – go to https://www.goodmood.com.au/a-psychology-and-schema-therapy-podcast/  to ask us a question.

If you want to dig deeper into your own schemas we offer schema coaching – email reception@goodmood.com.au for more details.

Are you a People Pleaser?  If so this episode is for you.  The Self-Sacrifice schema falls into the "other-directed" domain in schema therapy.  With this schema you are inclined to attend to the needs of others over and above your own needs.  Failure to do so often results in you feeling guilty about having let people down.   Self-sacrifice can be a form of severe self-suppression and left unchecked it can dominate your life and result in depression down the track.  Gemma discusses 6 key signs that suggests you have a major self-sacrifice schema; she discusses the typical family of origin circumstances which produce the schema and also gives advice about how to begin to change and confront this schema. 

The 6 tell-tale signs discussed are:
1. You can't say No.
2. You often feel Guilty.
3. You get validation needs met from being a self-sacrificer.
4. You attract and stay with Narcissists in relationships
5. You carry a lot of resentment
6. You are burnt out, feel exhausted and have various health complaints.

https://www.goodmood.com.au/a-psychology-and-schema-therapy-podcast/

Please go to our website to suggest a topic, ask a question and sign up to receive information for future events and online courses.  

In this episode, Justine and Gemma dive deep into what a schema is in the context of Schema Therapy.  They discuss the role of parenting, temperament and life experience in the development of early maladaptive schemas (EMS).  Most of the schemas are reviewed and explained with examples to get you thinking.  There is also a meaty discussion of the "other-directed" schemas - such as subjugation & self-sacrifice.  The concept of schema triggering is broken down into an easy to digest explanation of trigger - urge - response (or coping style) to help you make sense of your own strong emotional triggers.  With a special mention of the abandonment schema and how it typically plays out as a relationship saboteur. 
Go to our website www.goodmood.com.au for more information about this podcast or to leave us a message. 

You are not alone, hang in there.  In this episode Gemma discusses some of the psychological consequences of the pandemic and how to take care of ourselves during this difficult period of time.  

With several suburbs in Melbourne Victoria (July 3, 2020) having to go back into Lock-down, anxiety and uncertainty is again on the rise.  Covid-19 has meant that humanity is again facing large-scale collective anxiety and trauma.  This episode gets into some practical tips for coping with isolation and lock-down and asks the question "what does covid-19 trigger for you?".  Stay with this episode for some helpful ways to cope and support around how to care for yourself amidst the chaos.  

In this episode Gemma discusses the importance of having our core emotional needs met adequately in early life.  What are these needs and what can happen if our parents/primary attachment figures do not meet our needs on a regular basis.  Gemma discusses some of the psychological consequences and Schemas that can develop as a result.  

●safety, stability & predictability

●secure, loving, nurturing bond (warmth, validation, ‘being seen’)

●autonomy & growing independence

●expression of emotions, needs, thoughts (allowance of authenticity)

●spontaneity, creativity & play 

●realistic limits, self-discipline, impulse control

A guided meditation / relaxation exercise to help you enhance a sense of inner wisdom and confidence in your ability to cope with change and any obstacles you may be facing. 

Feeling down, unmotivated, fearful or depressed? Here is a list of evidence-based (backed by substantial research) suggestions & behaviours to reduce depression and help relieve nervous tension and anxiety:-

• Movement & physical exercise. Exercise and physical movement, whether it be intense or gentle can help us complete the stress response cycle, activate the relaxation response and is a natural anti-depressant.
• Some form of daily mindfulness practice, meditation or applied relaxation strategy is a must for good mental health. Coping with stress and reducing anxiety levels means that you can reduce their role as contributing factors in depression. 
• Dietary modifications can absolutely help with reducing symptoms of depression, stress and anxiety. The reduction of things like sugar, alcohol and other toxins also helps with reducing brain fog & improving mental clarity also.
• Don’t underestimate the power of adequate and good quality deep sleep. Practice good sleep hygiene and go to bed earlier. Getting up earlier and getting sunlight in the morning is a mood enhancer.
• Trying dealing with denied or avoided emotions. Chronic suppressed emotions serve to create a prolonged stress response in the body, which in turn can lower immune function and also increase the risk for depression.
• Avoid ‘avoiding’ – deal with the things you are avoiding, whether they be emotional, relational, social, medical/health or physical.  When all you do is ‘avoid’, you never allow yourself to learn new ways to deal with situations and master difficulties.
• Make time to schedule in joyful moments, in a deliberate way (not just decluttering – although that is pretty good!) – like meeting a friend for coffee, going to the movies, having a massage, going for a swim in the ocean – whatever provides a positive mood shiftl.
• Spend more time in nature. I know we hear this one a lot, but it really works. Activate as many of your senses as possible and try to be mindful to all those sensations.
• Make the effort to connect with others in small, incidental ways (eg, chat with the person making your coffee, make eye contact and smile at a fellow shopper walking by). Small but regular social contact is highly correlated with enhanced mood and is good for stress control.
• Asks for more hugs. Increase your level of physical contact with others if possible….even very small gestures count and have a mutually supportive effect . Physical touch is important for a sense of connection and nurturance.  Think about getting a pet and if you have already got one make sure you give them plenty of physical contact. It’s beneficial and therapeutic.
• Take time to stop and breathe. Rest, slow down and reduce those expectations of yourself that might be just too high!
• Notice what you have; see, feel and practice the gratitude. Turn you mind towards the things and people that you have in your life that you appreciate. Take pleasure in small things and small achievements.
• Address unhealed or unresolved issues from the past. Time does not heal all wounds – no matter what the popular belief says. Sometimes we need help from a mental health professional to work with us to identify and address old unhelpful patterns of behaviour or old hurts from the past. Help is available.

If you notice a significant change and drop in your mood which you can’t seem to shift and if you notice that your ability to enjoy the things you normal enjoy is reduced, you should speak to your doctor and seek help from a mental health professional. Getting psychological therapy can be very helpful in guiding you to address the psychological factors which have contributed to you becoming depressed. There may also be a role for anti-depressant medication. Combining medication with counselling and therapy is often the best approach.

Justine and Gemma introduce themselves and talk about Schema Therapy and Why this Podcast?