The Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Podcast

By Caroline Strawson

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Description

The Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Podcast is to help women thrive after the devastating effects of trauma through narcissistic abuse. Hosted by Caroline Strawson, award winning Trauma Informed Coach & Therapist, founder of the Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme using a unique integration of tools such as EMDR, Brainspotting, Positive Psychology, Internal Family Systems, Breath Work and RTT, author (Divorce Became My Superpower) and speaker, this podcast is created to provide support, education and awareness around self healing, gaslighting, complex PTSD, codependency and surviving narcissistic abuse. This is a place where we understand the anger, toxicity and guilt you feel through the behaviours of a narcissist and this podcast is designed to help take you from trauma to transformation.

Episode Date
The Unseen Wounds of Women After Narcissistic Abuse
22:27

I am so excited to share with you some BIG NEWS! I have a new book out called The Unseen Wounds of Women. and I can’t wait for you to get your hands on it. So, in this episode, I’ll share with you why I wrote the book and what I hope it can do for you in your path to recovery from trauma. 

You can find The Unseen Wounds of Women here: https://bit.ly/unseenwoundsofwomen

What you will learn in this episode:

  • The story of how I broke the chain of generational trauma
  • What you MUST know about healing from trauma caused by a narcissist
  • How you can win a FREE place in my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme

My new book is about the women who dared to be vulnerable and shared how they allowed the unseen to be visible and realised that they held the key to their invisible cage. Healing their unseen wounds not only healed themselves, but it broke the generational cycle of trauma. Each chapter is a story from a woman in my Embodied Self Leadership Mastermind, and the first chapter is my story. My hope is that you can take these stories and see that no matter how dark the place you’re currently in is, there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel, you just may need to be pointed in the right direction first. 

To celebrate the release of my new book, I’m running a competition where YOU could win a FREE spot on my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme. All you have to do is:

  1. Purchase the book
  2. Leave a testimonial
  3. Tag me in a post on Instagram and Facebook.

The competition runs until Friday the 30th of September 2022 10 pm UK time and the winners will be announced on Monday the 3rd of October via direct message to win one of the 10 places on the Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme.

Resources:

Sep 27, 2022
Narcissistic Relationships, Trauma & Polyvagal Theory
20:28

Do you ever wonder why you react in the way you do and wish that you had a positive response instead of what always seems to be a negative response? If so, tune in, as in this episode I’ll break down Polyvagal Theory and how it teaches us how and why our responses are often automatic. By knowing how our nervous system controls our responses, we can start to point ourselves in the direction of growth by integrating a recovery programme that can change how we feel for the better. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • What Polyvagal Theory is and how your vagus nerve regulates your reactions
  • The science behind trusting your gut
  • How cortisol and adrenaline play a role in your perception of narcissistic abuse

I’ll also discuss how you can use the traffic light system to define where you are in your trauma recovery. At the end of the day, I want you to know how you can turn your pain into your purpose, and by learning more about your nervous system, you’ll be able to create a recovery plan to influence how your nervous system can help you for the better. If you want to learn about these topics on a much greater scale, you can check out my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme here: https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

Resources:

Sep 20, 2022
Survivor Stories: Sarada Rao
43:06

In this Survivor Stories episode, you’ll meet Sarada Rao, a Narcissistic Abuse Survivor and one of my students in my Accredited Narcissistic Trauma Informed Coaching Certification who is driven to help women from the South Asian Community. We’ll discover how Sarada is turning her pain and struggle into her purpose and strength to help women from the South East Asian community to recognise narcissistic abuse and recover from it.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Sarada’s story of recovery from narcissistic parents to an arranged marriage with a narcissist
  • How the South East Asian culture creates abuse and narcissism
  • What post-separation abuse is and how to deal with it

Sarada discusses how she discovered what narcissism is after a childhood of narcissistic abuse from her parents which led to an arranged marriage with a narcissist. Then throughout the episode, we’ll see where Sarada is now, so that women, especially those from the South East Asian community, can see what the light at the end of the tunnel can look like in terms of recovery from narcissistic abuse. 

Connect with Sarada:

 

 

Resources:

 

Sep 13, 2022
Ask Me Anything: September ‘22
23:22

Today’s episode is this month's "Ask Me Anything" where I get to answer the questions you’ve been sending in! In this episode, I discuss topics ranging from why you may be struggling to find the energy to exercise because of a trauma response, to the number #1 thing that you can do to get back into dating. I’ll also discuss how to stop your children from developing narcissistic behaviours when they spend time with your narcissistic ex-partner and if a narcissist can actually be cured.

Questions in this episode include:

  • Why is it so hard to find any energy and exercise?
  • My 7-year-old son is exhibiting narcissistic behaviours...Help!!
  • Can you cure a narcissist?
  • How can I start dating again after the narcissist?

My aim for these episodes is to make sure I’m discussing topics that directly impact you, so I hope my answers help you in a strong recovery from narcissistic abuse. Every first Tuesday of each month is an "Ask Me Anything" episode, so please send in your questions to hello@carolinestrawson.com where we will endeavour to answer them either in these Ask Me Anything episodes or as a topic for a full episode!

Resources:

Sep 06, 2022
What a Narcissist Looks for in a Partner
17:13

Have you left a narcissist and want to get back into dating, but are now scared you may fall into a relationship with another narcissist? If so, this episode is for you. Dating can be hard for anyone, but it’s particularly difficult, and even traumatic, for those of us who have been in a narcissistic relationship. In this episode, I’ll help you rediscover your confidence to start dating again by showing you what a narcissist looks for in a partner, so you can avoid those “attractive to a narcissist” behaviours. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • The traits narcissists will look for in you
  • How to see the early warning signs of a narcissistic personality
  • What steps you can take to safely start dating again

I’ll also discuss how there are many types of narcissists, from covert to overt, grandiose to vulnerable, as it’s important to recognise what type of narcissists are out there to improve your chances of avoiding them. I hope that with the information in this episode, you can move from post-traumatic stress to post-traumatic growth and find yourself in a happy and functional relationship going forward. 

Resources:

Aug 30, 2022
5 Signs of Love Bombing From A Narcissist
16:24

Have you been in a narcissistic relationship and are now scared to jump back into the dating scene for fears of ending up with another narcissist? If so, this episode is for you. By getting back into dating, we further our path to recovery, so it’s important to prepare ourselves for dating and to avoid falling into a narcissist's trap. One of the ways to avoid narcissists is to understand how they use love bombing to entice you into a relationship. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • What love bombing is and how to see the red flags 
  • How to start dating again whilst avoiding narcissists
  • What co-dependency is and how protector parts work inside of us

We must remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel! There is hope. We may date some more narcissists along the way, but I hope with the information in this episode you can avoid them and end up growing into a great relationship. 

Resources:

Aug 23, 2022
Survivor Stories: Enmeshment To Empowerment From A Narcissistic Mother
30:36

In today’s episode, I hear Aneela Mehkri’s story of how she knew that something was always wrong with her mum, but she didn’t know it was Narcissism until she was 30. We’ll learn how a household of dysfunction, arguments, and fights led to Aneela discovering what narcissism is and how it impacted her life emotionally, mentally, and physically.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • What Enmeshment is and how it plays a role in Aneela’s life.
  • How to learn to trust your feelings and listen to your body.
  • Why abuse is abuse. Just because they’re family, it doesn’t excuse abuse.

Aneela discusses how her mother and the culture in Pakistan caused her to have insecurity growing up by teaching her to not discuss what was happening inside her household with other families and friends. We’ll then learn how Aneela got on the pathway to recovery from her mother's narcissism and the wounds it caused, and how she is now helping others heal from narcissistic abuse with her work as a Humanistic Integrative Therapist.

Connect with Aneela:

Resources:

Aug 16, 2022
Body Shaming & Narcissistic Abuse
23:27

Have you ever said to yourself “I feel so stupid… I’m so fat… I’m so ugly?” If so, you’re not alone. I used to say those words to myself all the time, I felt disgusted at myself and I definitely didn’t want to look at my body in the mirror. This was all happening whilst I was married to my narcissistic ex-husband, he had deeply impacted my sense of self and my physical appearance is what I honed in on.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why we can body shame ourselves whilst being in a narcissistic relationship.
  • How to stop negative self talk and start to love ourselves.
  • What IFS is (internal family systems) and how it can be extremely powerful in creating transformation in each one of us. 

Body shaming can be a huge part of narcissistic abuse, because we’ll blame ourselves for what’s happening and take it out on ourself. My hope for this episode is that I can put you on the right track to love yourself and feel comfortable in your own body in the process of healing from narcissistic abuse. 

Here is the link to book your FREE call with one of my Narcissistic Abuse Ambassadors to get your very own Personalised Healing Map with the steps to start your healing journey with where you are right now: https://go.carolinestrawson.com/personalised-healing-map-call

Resources:

Aug 09, 2022
Ask Me Anything: August ‘22
49:00

Today’s episode is this month's "Ask Me Anything" where I get to answer the questions you’ve been sending in! In this episode, I discuss topics ranging from why people struggle to leave abusive relationships to why your sex drive is low after dating a narcissist. I’ll also do a deep dive on how we become addicted to the chemicals inside our brain and why we may stay in an abusive relationship to seek out those feel-good chemicals.

Questions in this episode include:

  • Why can't I just leave?
  • How do I know I am not a narcissist?
  • How to support your children when your ex-narcissist introduces a new supply?
  • Why am I still not interested in sex after breaking up from a narcissist?

My aim for these episodes is to make sure I’m discussing topics that directly impact you, so I hope my answers help you in a strong recovery from narcissistic abuse. Every first Tuesday of each month is an "Ask Me Anything" episode, so please send in your questions to hello@carolinestrawson.com where we will endeavour to answer them either in these Ask Me Anything episodes or as a topic for a full episode!

Resources:

 

 

Aug 02, 2022
Anger At The Cheating Narcissist
20:23

Anger is one of the biggest emotions I see directed at the narcissist, and sometimes even more at the other woman or man that your narcissistic partner has cheated with. In this episode, I will discuss what happens inside our body and brain when anger is building up and why it’s important to know how to deal with this emotion so that we can start to heal from our past traumas. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Where anger comes from and how to deal with it
  • How anger played a role in my relationship with a narcissist
  • The role our inner child wounds play in our healing process

Anger certainly showed its face when I was dealing with my narcissistic ex-husband, and thankfully I was able to direct the emotions I was feeling to help me through the healing process. It’s important that we know how to direct these emotions. I hope this episode and discussion around anger will help you along your healing journey, as what builds inside of us as an emotion can eventually lead to real physical illnesses. 

Resources:

Jul 26, 2022
Survivor Stories with Devena Simon
01:06:20

In today’s episode, I hear Devena Simon’s story of how she navigated her healing journey from being in a relationship with a narcissist. In this new series, I will be having conversations with people who have survived narcissistic abuse. My hope is that I can bring you examples of what happens within narcissistic relationships so that you can know how to react and survive if you happen to experience the same things. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • What reactive abuse is and how it played a part in Devena suffering from trauma
  • How to deal with financial abuse
  • Lessons to convert post narcissistic trauma to post-trauma growth 

Devena describes how her high school sweetheart turned into her narcissist. We’ll discover the warning signs that she wished she had seen when she first met her boyfriend, and she’ll share how she has managed to live a better life by healing from her narcissistic trauma. Devena hopes that her experience with a narcissist can help you avoid the same pitfalls, whilst mending bridges and rebuilding your life. 

 

Connect with Devena:

 

Resources:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jul 19, 2022
The Mother Wound of Narcissistic Abuse with Brooke Bownes
32:15

In today's episode, I am interviewing Brooke Bownes who is a Trauma-Informed Therapist and Coach, specialising in helping women heal their mother wounds associated with narcissistic abuse, she is also a valued member of my Embodied SELF Leadership Mastermind. I have no first-hand experience with a narcissistic parent, so I thought this would be a great opportunity to have Brooke on the show to discuss her experiences with her narcissistic mother. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • What a mother wound is and how to heal from it
  • Why having a narcissistic parent can lead you to be in a relationship with a narcissist
  • The healing methods of recovering from a narcissistic parent

Brooke was so kind to share her story about her narcissistic mother, from how she was treated as a child to the moment she realised that her mother was actually a narcissist. Brooke discusses how she managed to get on the path of healing herself to avoid passing on any narcissistic traits to her own children. I hope that these conversations will help you on your healing journey and perhaps they’ll make you see why people behave in the way they do.

Guest Resources:

UK link: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09DX7PB11 

US link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09DX7PB11

Resources:

Jul 12, 2022
Ask Me Anything: July ‘22
28:51

Today’s episode is this month's "Ask Me Anything" where I get to answer the questions you’ve been sending in! I’ve received so many questions from you since our first “AMA” last month and I’m so happy that we can engage in this way. In this episode, I discuss topics ranging from why people don’t believe your story about a narcissist to how to deal with a trauma bond. I’ve tried to pick the questions that I believe will relate to the majority of you. 

Questions in this episode include:

  • What to do when no one believes you
  • How to stop thinking about the narcissist when you have broken up
  • How to finally move on if you have felt stuck for years
  • What to do after you have worked on your healing

My aim for these episodes is to make sure I’m discussing topics that directly impact you, so I hope my answers help you in a strong recovery from narcissistic abuse. Every first Tuesday of each month is an "Ask Me Anything" episode, so please send in your questions to hello@carolinestrawson.com where we will endeavor to answer them either in these Ask Me Anything episodes or as a topic for a full episode! 

Resources:

Jul 05, 2022
Promiscuity and the Narcissist
21:04

Our mind and body can act in unusual ways after leaving a narcissist, and it’s vital to know why we may be showing behaviours that didn’t appear before. One of those behaviours can be extreme promiscuity, and that’s what I want to discuss in today’s episode of The Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Podcast. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why our promiscuity can come out after leaving a narcissistic partner
  • How being promiscuous can help heal our inner wounds
  • The reasons why our protector parts show up in unusual ways

Promiscuity after leaving a narcissist can occur because it’s our protector part of our nervous system trying to tackle our trauma head-on. Our inner wounds of not feeling good enough & feeling responsible for the relationship with the narcissist causes trauma which can lead to issues with our promiscuity. So in this episode, I discuss why our promiscuity can suddenly appear and the real meaning of it. Feel free to send me a message via my socials or through hello@carolinestrawson.com so we can discuss why promiscuity may be showing up for you. 

Resources:

Jun 28, 2022
5 Ways To Ignore The Narcissists Fantasies On Special Occasions
30:10

With it being fathers day this past weekend, I wanted to share some top tips on how you can cope through special occasions, such as birthdays, Christmas, and family events when there’s a narcissist involved. On big occasions, narcissists will often guilt trip you to connect with them, and you may even feel like you should give them another chance. It’s important to not fall into their trap, so in this episode, I’ll give you five ways to ignore the narcissist on special occasions.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Tactics from blocking out the narcissist, to controlling our own emotions.
  • How narcissists use special occasions to prey on those they want to control.
  • Why our nervous system reacts in the way it does leading up to these events.

These special events can be a great opportunity to take back your power, to show the narcissist that you will not be drawn back to them and that they won’t get their narcissistic supply from you. So use the methods I discuss to expand the gap between you and the narcissist and to make it incredibly difficult or impossible for them to reconnect with you.

Resources:

Jun 21, 2022
The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle Explained
24:07

A narcissist will always need their narcissistic supply, and as they look for their next hit, the narcissistic abuse cycle will continue. In this episode, I will discuss what the narcissistic abuse cycle is and how we may find ourselves in it. From love bombing, to gaslighting, to straight-up abuse, the narcissistic abuse cycle can be incredibly damaging, so my hope with this episode is that you can identify what stage of the cycle you’re in and how to get out of it. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Are you destined to be in a narcissistic relationship?
  • Why you must stop feeling guilty and how to break the narcissistic abuse cycle
  • How narcissists will manipulate you to get their narcissistic supply

I discuss how I fell into the narcissistic abuse cycle and why I ended up with a narcissist based on my childhood experiences. I hope that my experience can help you understand why you may be going through the narcissistic abuse cycle. It’s also important to know that the narcissistic abuse cycle isn’t always a downwards trajectory where each stage is worse than the last. Sometimes the narcissist will love bomb again to get what they need. This is why it’s called a cycle. 

Resources:

 

Jun 14, 2022
100th Episode Celebration: Ask Me Anything
48:37

It is time to celebrate YOU! We have hit over 2 million downloads now and appreciate each and every one of you. Today's episode is also the 100th episode, so it is a DOUBLE CELEBRATION, and today is all about "Ask Me Anything" where many of you have been sending in questions and these get answered. For this episode, I’ve tried to pick the questions that I believe will relate to the majority of you. 

Questions in this episode include:

  • Was the relationship ever real?
  • How can I help my children who look like they are following in their fathers narcissistic traits?
  • My husband is copying his narcissistic mother, so is he now a narcissist?
  • How do I deal with flying monkeys?
  • Why is a narcissist not like this with everyone?

These questions and more are all answered in this extended episode. Every first Tuesday of each month will now be an "Ask Me Anything" episode, so please send in your questions to hello@carolinestrawson.com where we will endeavour to answer them either in these Ask Me Anything episodes or as a topic for a full episode! 

Resources:

Jun 07, 2022
The Fawn Trauma Response To A Narcissist
23:35

Fight, flight and freeze are common trauma responses, but there’s a fourth called Fawn which is often experienced when dealing with a narcissist. These trauma responses are controlled by your nervous system and are typically out of your control, you will respond in the present based on what you have experienced in the past. So, in this episode, I discuss the science behind trauma responses and why this often uncontrollable reaction is designed to keep you safe.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why we have trauma responses built into us and what causes them to be triggered
  • What the fawn trauma response is and the correlation to narcissistic abuse
  • How my nervous system reacted to narcissistic abuse

I break down how each trauma response works and how they impact your behaviour, from short term reactions to long term behaviour changes.

If you’re listening to this episode close to its release date, I would love to hear what questions you would like to hear me answer! In episode 100, I will be answering your questions! So, feel free to email me at hello@carolinestrawson.com with your questions and I’ll hopefully be able to answer them in my next episode.

Resources:

 

May 31, 2022
Sex, Porn & the Narcissist
21:42

There is a correlation between the consumption of pornography, watching sex, and engaging in sex with narcissistic personality types. So, in this episode, I discuss how these habits can impact a relationship and what you can do to ensure you don’t become manipulated by a narcissist's desires. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why narcissists are often addicted to porn and sex
  • How a narcissist will gaslight you into doing something you don’t want to
  • Methods to noticing what a narcissist is doing and how to create an exit strategy

I explore how porn addiction can lead to a narcissist gaslighting you, why you may be forced to loosen your boundaries because of your involuntary survival responses, and how porn soothes a narcissist's inner wounds. I hope this episode helps you realise what your narcissistic partner is doing so that you can plan toward a healthy exit strategy.

Resources:

May 24, 2022
The Telltale Signs of a Covert Narcissist
23:47

Covert narcissists are quite often the most dangerous, so it’s imperative that you know how to spot one. So, in this episode, I will share the telltale signs of a covert narcissist, from how they act in public compared to in private, to the passive-aggressive behaviours that they’ll show. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why covert narcissists are the most dangerous
  • How to safely cut off the narcissistic supply that you may be giving
  • What codependency is and why it plays a role in the covert narcissist

Covert narcissists will act as the nicest person possible when in front of your friends and family, so that when you go to them for help, your family and friends will not believe you as you’ll be explaining a completely different person to what they’re used to. So, the first thing you need to know is that I believe you and that you also need to believe yourself, as finding a support structure is so important to getting the ball rolling on dealing with a covert narcissist. 

Resources:

 

May 17, 2022
6 Ways A Narcissist Creates Reactive Abuse
21:09

Narcissists will attempt to put the blame on you for a fractured relationship by causing you to lash out, this is called Reactive Abuse and whilst there is so much in the public domain at the moment with court cases like Johnny Depp V Amber Heard (the only winners here are the lawyers), it is an ideal opportunity to learn and educate ourselves about the devastating effects. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • What reactive abuse is
  • How to deal with a situation where reactive abuse is happening
  • Why you cannot blame yourself if you lash out when a narcissist is pushing your buttons

In this episode, I will discuss the tactics narcissists use to perpetrate reactive abuse, and how to deal with a situation where reactive abuse is happening. Narcissists will often use your lashing out to blame YOU for the problems in the relationship, so I hope this episode will help you understand that your lashing out is not your fault. 

Resources:

 

 

 

  • My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/
May 10, 2022
Being An Empath, A Codependent & In A Fawn Trauma Response Explained
17:12

I was scrolling on Instagram when I discovered a post about empaths and found that the comments were extremely judgemental, saying that empaths do not exist. So, in this episode, I discuss what an empath is and share the scientific evidence that proves empaths are real. As well as discussing empaths, I discuss what being a codependent is and I also share what the fourth trauma response is. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why being an empath is different from having empathy
  • The scientific difference between empaths and narcissists 
  • How you can go from being an exhausted empath to an empowered empath

After discussing empaths, I dive into what a codependent is, why childhood trauma can turn you into a codependent, and how you can become a recovered codependent, then I’ll share that there is a fourth trauma response state. You have fight, flight and freeze, as well as the fawn response, so I’ll explore what this response is and why narcissitic abuse can lead to having this response. 

Resources:

May 03, 2022
5 Ways To Recognise You're Living With A Narcissist
19:44

Do you have an inkling that you may be living with a narcissist? It could be your partner, a housemate or even a member of your family. Your suspicion may be correct, so in this episode, I’m going to share 5 ways to recognise if you’re living with a narcissist. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • The common behaviours of a narcissist 
  • How covert narcissists differ from overt narcissists
  • Ways to navigate around a narcissist so you can distance yourself 

It’s so important to know that you’re living with a narcissist, because once you know who it is you’re living with, you’ll have a better chance of being able to deal with them. I’ll discuss common narcissistic behaviours, from how they interact with different people to the emotions they show. Reach out to me through support@carolinestrawson.com or message me on Facebook & Instagram so that we can bring you into our community to help you deal with what you are going through.

Resources:

Apr 26, 2022
Chronic Pain & Narcissistic Abuse
20:50

It is estimated that over 20% of a country's population is suffering from chronic pain, and often the root cause of the pain is unknown. However, for those suffering from emotional trauma, such as being in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, chronic pain can be a symptom of that emotional trauma. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why your chronic physical pain could be caused by emotional trauma
  • How your body reacts to traumatic situations and what issues that can cause
  • The methods to solving chronic pain by analysing your inner emotional wounds

In this episode, I’m going to discuss how our body deals with narcissistic abuse and why your emotional pain can often manifest itself as physical pain. The knowledge of how your brain, nervous system and body react to emotional trauma can be the key to being able to solve chronic pain, so I hope this episode can help you understand why you may be feeling the way you do. 

Resources:

 

 

 

  • My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/
Apr 19, 2022
Your Inner Critic & Narcissistic Abuse
16:13

Your inner critic can often become overwhelming and we will perceive it to be having a negative impact on us. However, if we redefine what the inner critic is, we can start to learn what it is really there for and how to use it to identify and overcome our inner wounds. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why we have an inner critic and what role it plays
  • How to identify and overcome your inner wounds
  • Why you should perceive your inner critic as a good thing

In this episode I will discuss how to deal with your inner critic by identifying and overcoming your inner wounds as well as why we have an inner critic, because you aren’t a critical person, there’s a part of you that is designed to be critical to be able to help you overcome your past.

Resources:

Apr 12, 2022
Trauma Bonding & Addiction To The Narcissist
13:11

Join my FREE Masterclass on "The 4 Stages Of Trauma Bonding With A Narcissist" - Register here and you will be sent a recording if you can't make it LIVE https://go.carolinestrawson.com/nticc-masterclass-organic

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I want you to understand why you feel the way you do with a narcissist, and I hope this episode and my FREE Masterclass this Thursday (April 7th, 2022) will help shine a light on your feelings and how to break a trauma bond and cure your addiction to a narcissist.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why we become physiologically addicted to being in a relationship
  • How to break a trauma bond and end your addiction to a narcissist
  • The biology behind narcissistic addiction

Becoming addicted to a narcissist and the hormones you get from being in a relationship is not your fault. Your body is designed to react in certain ways to protect you, but you must know how this biology works so that you can end your narcissistic addiction safely.

Resources:

Apr 05, 2022
The 2 Things That Will Hurt The Narcissist the Most
22:16

Narcissists love to have everything go their way, so when they don’t have that control, they can start to be negatively impacted. A narcissist not having control can open up a way for you to exit your relationship with them. In this episode, I will share the story of how my relationship with a narcissist came to an end and how I learned what a narcissist reacts to negatively.

 

What you will learn in this episode:



  • How I dealt with my narcissistic ex and how he reacted to my success
  • The two things a narcissist will be hurt by and why they hate to give up control
  • Why narcissists react negatively to seeing others succeed

 

I hope this episode helps you mold your relationship with a narcissist to a point where you can leave the relationship so that you can begin to transform and heal yourself. Narcissists will always be hurt by the two things I will share with you in this episode, so listen carefully. 

 

Resources:

 

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. 

 

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS PODCAST, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE PODCAST AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT

 

 

Mar 29, 2022
5 Types of Financial Abuse By A Narcissist
19:05

There are many facets of narcissistic abuse, and one of the most controlling forms of abuse is financial & economic abuse. In this episode, I will share my experience of dealing with financial abuse and how you can avoid falling into this situation and also find resources and places to go to if you are currently dealing with financial abuse.

 

What you will learn in this episode:



  • The ways a narcissist can abuse you by leveraging your financial situation
  • How to find help and the legalities of financial abuse
  • Why you may face financial abuse after seperating from a narcissist

 

Financial abuse is one of the most potent ways a narcissist can control you, so learning how to avoid it or get out of it is pivotal in finding a life of freedom. I hope that my story and the knowledge of the 5 main types of financial abuse will help you in your situation.

 

Resources:



 

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. 

 

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS PODCAST, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE PODCAST AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT

 

 

Mar 22, 2022
The 7 Signs to Help You Spot a Covert Narcissist
17:52

The overt narcissist we see, but the covert narcissist is much more subtle and a lot harder to recognize, so in this episode, I am going to walk you through the common warning signs to look for if you have a feeling you may be dealing with a narcissist. 

 

What you will learn in this episode:

 

  • Why some narcissists fly under the radar and how to spot them
  • How narcissists deflect and use a victim mindset to make you feel bad for them
  • What to do when your friends and family don’t believe your partner is a narcissist

 

Spotting a covert narcissist is so important, because the person you meet in public who comes across as friendly can be an entirely different person behind closed doors. So I hope this episode helps you avoid dealing with a narcissist in the future, and also helps those of you who are currently dealing with a covert narcissist. 

 

Resources:

 

 

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. 

 

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS PODCAST, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE PODCAST AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT

Mar 15, 2022
7 Things A Narcissist Will Never Do
18:45

There are things a narcissist will absolutely never do, and you need to know what they are so you don’t sit around waiting for an apology or for their behavior to change. So in this episode, I’m going to discuss the 7 things a narcissist will never do and how you can spot these behaviors.

 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:



  • What emotions a narcissist will display and what they’re trying to get out of them
  • How narcissists will avoid certain behaviors and how to spot this
  • Why you have to stop waiting for their personality to change

 

I know there are people out there who are waiting for their partner to apologize (I was one of them once), so I hope this episode will shine a light on why a narcissist will NEVER show real positive behaviors and empathy that could lead them to apologizing. 

 

Resources:



 

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. 

 

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS PODCAST, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE PODCAST AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT

 

 

Mar 08, 2022
Case Analysis Vladimir Putin - Golden Child To Malignant Narcissist??
25:36

Is Vladimir Putin a malignant narcissist? In this episode, I discuss how people become narcissists and how Putin’s childhood developed him into the man he is today. My heart goes out to the people of Ukraine and I wish nothing but the best for the country during this troubling time. 

 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:



  • Why people become narcissists and how childhood plays a big part
  • What we can learn from Vladimir Putin’s personality to better understand people with a narcissistic personality
  • The reasons why Vladimir Putin may be a malignant narcissist

 

Being the golden child in his family led Putin to seek a sense of worth from people at every stage of his life. I hope that what we can learn from Vladimir Putin’s personality helps us to better understand people with a narcissistic personality.

 

Resources:



 

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. 

 

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS PODCAST, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE PODCAST AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT

Mar 01, 2022
Intimacy Avoidance In A Narcissistic Relationship - You are NOT Frigid!
16:56

It’s so common to avoid intimacy once you discover that you are in a relationship with a narcissist, and no, it isn’t because you are frigid! In this episode, I will discuss how our nervous system reacts to intimacy with a narcissist and why your reaction will usually keep you safe. 

 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:



  • How your approach to sex is impacted by being in a relationship with a narcissist
  • Why you will avoid intimacy to stay safe in your relationship
  • Strategies to regain an intimate life after leaving a narcissist
  • How to admit to avoiding intimacy

 

I’ll also discuss how to regain your intimacy once you’ve left a narcissistic relationship by being able to deconstruct the emotions you are feeling and using a negative reaction to create a positive outcome. We can’t change what has happened, but we can absolutely change how your body reacts to your past experiences.

 

Resources:



 

 

Feb 22, 2022
How A Narcissist Can Fake Empathy
13:49

It’s common to think that your relationship is getting better when your partner starts showing empathy, but with a narcissist, they’re faking empathy to get what they want. So in this episode I’m going to show you how narcissists use empathy to manipulate the people around them and how you can ensure you don’t fall into the trap of thinking things are getting better.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The 3 layers of empathy
  • How narcissists use fake empathy to get what they want
  • The medical diagnosis of narcissism and why an official diagnosis can be an issue
  • How to avoid falling into the trap of fake empathy

To understand how narcissists use fake empathy, I explore the different types of empathy and how narcissists can manipulate you by taking advantage of the behavior they see in actual empaths. I hope this episode will help you identify some of the warning signs when dealing with narcissists. I’d love to hear your stories and situations in dealing with “empathic” narcissists, so please share your experiences with me by emailing hello@carolinestrawson.com

Resources:

Feb 15, 2022
The Narcissist Cheater & The Codependent Response
21:03

I have experienced what it’s like to go through a relationship with a narcissist who cheats on you, and getting out of that relationship isn’t as easy as you may think. In this episode, I’m going to discuss what my experience was, and the mindset I found myself in, that made leaving my narcissistic partner so difficult. 

 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:



  • My own personal experience with a narcissistic partner who is cheating
  • How to deal with the shame, guilt and personal blame of a cheating partner
  • Why you may find staying in the relationship more comfortable than leaving it
  • Strategies to avoid blaming yourself and tips to a safe exit from the relationship
  • How to find a safe community to help in your post-narcissist life

 

From making excuses for your partner's behaviour to blaming yourself for them cheating, it’s important to get yourself into a positive mindset so that you can leave your narcissistic partner as soon as possible. I hope my story can shed some light on what a lot of people go through when they find themselves being cheated on so that you can avoid making the same mistakes.

 

Resources:



 

Feb 08, 2022
The 3 Stages Of Healing After A Narcissistic Ex
24:54

It can feel familiar to be in a relationship with a narcissist and we sometimes need reminding that a relationship with a narcissist is an unsafe relationship. So in this episode, I will discuss the three common stages of healing after leaving a narcissist. From noticing that you are in a narcissistic relationship to having post-traumatic growth, I want to help you live a safe and comfortable life again. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • How to notice that you’re in an unsafe relationship
  • Deciding when to leave a narcissistic relationship
  • How to live a post-narcissistic life
  • Why we may feel comfortable with a narcissist and how to break that pattern
  • How to approach a normal relationship and why it may feel strange

We will typically end up with narcissists because we’ve been in unhealthy relationships previously, so after breaking up with a narcissist we need to learn how to function in a healthy relationship. The 3 stages of healing that I share in this episode will help you feel comfortable in a “normal” relationship and will hopefully help you lead a better and more fulfilling life.

Resources:

Feb 01, 2022
Community Support After Narcissistic Abuse
05:53

I have some BIG NEWS! I’m currently in the process of planning the relaunch of The Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Podcast and I want YOU to have a say in the future of the podcast. Your comments and emails have been so amazing over the last year and I want nothing more than to make sure you know how grateful I am for you. So listen in to hear how you can shape the podcast so that I know what topics you want me to cover, what guests I should bring on and most of all, how I can help you in your recovery.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The plan for this podcast and how thankful I am for YOU
  • How you can influence and shape the future of this podcast
  • Why safety is THE priority when discussing narcissistic trauma
  • The ways you can get in touch with me so I can hopefully help you

I want to give you the ability to mould the future of my podcast so that I can help you the most! I want to know what you’ve enjoyed so far and what content you’d love to hear in new episodes. If you’d be so kind as to leave me feedback on the podcast to give me an insight into what you’d like to hear in future episodes, I’d be so grateful. You can let me know what you want from the podcast by filling out this form here: https://form.jotform.com/220232614900341

Resources:

Jan 25, 2022
Is Depression a Symptom of Narcissistic Abuse?
22:08

In this episode, we will talk about depression and narcissistic abuse. Although there is some controversy around whether narcissistic abuse causes depression or not, once depression is identified in the victims of narcissistic abuse, that is not really relevant from a trauma-informed perspective. The focus should be on the origin of that depression and on the protector parts that show up.

Today, I'll be sharing my experiences with depression during my marriage with my ex-husband, how I identified depression as a protector part for me and what it was trying to protect me from.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- How being diagnosed with postnatal depression affected me and the way I saw myself

- What role my own stories of not feeling good enough had in my decision to stay in an abusive relationship

- Why I now know that depression was acting as a protector part

- The importance of getting curious about the origin of our protector parts

In my case, it wasn't that my ex-husband abuse was making me feel depressed. The core wound that stepped up for me, my "depression protector part", was protecting me from what my system considered the bigger danger at the time. So my invitation for you is, instead of trying to minimise depression symptoms, to get curious about its origin and its root cause. 

Resources:

- Episode 079 15 Gaslighting Terms A Narcissist Will Use https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/079-15-gaslighting-terms-a-narcissist-will-use/id1527479270 

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Jan 18, 2022
15 Gaslighting Terms A Narcissist Will Use
17:24

When we are in a narcissistic abusive relationship, we hear certain phrases so often that we normalise hearing them, but they actually erode our mental health. The narcissist is gaslighting us. 

In this episode, we will go through 15 gaslighting phrases I heard during my marriage with a covert narcissist. We will explore the devastating effects these phrases have on our confidence, mental health and on our self-worth. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why gaslighting is a form of abuse, and what effects it can have on our mental health

- The gaslighting phrases that can make us doubt our own sanity

- Why most narcissists use these gaslighting phrases to protect themselves

- What we can do to prevent being gaslighted by narcissist abusers

Hearing any of these 15 phrases and their variations regularly in our relationship is a huge red flag, and it should be enough to make us curious about it. The first step is to seek help, whether from a professional, a counsellor or even an online group, and then understand that we are doing what we can with the tools we have, from the programming we had from birth.

We should never forget that being in an abusive relationship is not our fault; we are in it for a reason. Once we understand that reason, we can start working on it and fix it.  

Resources: 

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Jan 11, 2022
12 Signs You Are Dating a Narcissist
17:05

Something I get asked a lot on social media is, how do I know if I'm dating a narcissist again? The decision to start dating again after a separation is personal and it doesn't have a specific time to occur. However, after suffering narcissistic abuse, whether we are looking for Mr or Mrs Right, or Mr or Mrs Right Now, one thing is sure: we want to avoid dating a narcissist. In this episode, we will go through the 12 signs you should pay attention to to know if you are dating a narcissist. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Beware of love bombing at the beginning of the relationship

- What a strong entitlement attitude is really telling us

- The things we can easily spot during a casual conversation about how narcissists talk and what they talk about

- Being alert to manipulative attitudes and the consequences of not following their plans

- What we can read from a strong lack of commitment and a constant tendency to break the rules

- Why narcissists put others down all the time, why they are master gaslighters, and why they don't have long-term friendships

It usually takes some time, at least six or seven dates, to spot a narcissist. However, we can have our eyes and ears open to these 12 signs, be aware of them and see if any of them rarely appears, appears often, or almost all the time. We must be patient and we don't need to go full-blown from the very beginning. If we've found the right person and the relationship is meant to be, then time is not really an issue. 

Resources: 

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Jan 04, 2022
Narcissistic Abuse & Emotional Eating
18:45

One of the most challenging things I had to deal with during my relationship with my ex-husband was emotional eating. I'll share with you the situations that triggered my emotional eating protector parts, the effects that had on my self-image, self-esteem and mental health. We will also talk about why our body chooses emotional eating to protect us and how to deal with it. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What exactly triggered my emotional eating protector parts 

- What my emotional eating was protecting me from

- Why emotional eating is so effective as a pain release mechanism

- What is emotional eating distracting us from, and why we must get curious about it

Once we start recognising we are not our protector parts, that we are blended into them and that they are there to distract us from feeling pain, we'll start seeing things differently. It will be easier to lift the shame and guilt that trigger our emotional eating protector parts. Then we can get curious about why we feel that guilt or shame and work on those issues.

Resources: 

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Dec 28, 2021
Can You Co-Parent with a Narcissist?
17:22

We hear pretty often that co-parenting is the best thing we can do for our children. However, those coming from an abusive relationship might find it almost impossible to be friendly with their abuser. In today's episode, we will talk about co-parenting with a narcissist, the challenges we'll find there and why it can be so triggering, and we’ll also explore an alternative to co-parenting - parallel parenting.  

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why co-parenting is not always a better choice for our family situation

- What the communication challenges are that make co-parenting so hard

- What parallel parenting is and how to do it properly

- Some of the mistakes I made in co-parenting that you can avoid

- Why parallel parenting is so effective in helping us keep our sanity

We need to stop punishing ourselves for not being able to co-parent with the narcissist. We are not less of a parent if we can't co-parent. We've been in an abusive relationship and our focus must be on getting better, not on making sure the abuser is feeling better. The best thing we can give our kids is a mentally stable parent, and that’s where parallel parenting can help us.  

Resources:

- Our Family Wizard website: https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ 

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Dec 21, 2021
Holiday Times & Christmas with the Narcissist
18:26

As Christmas is getting closer, I want to talk about how to deal with a narcissist during not only this holiday, but any other type of celebration, such as birthdays or other family events. 

We'll explore two different scenarios, one for those separated or divorced from a narcissist, and the other for those who have to spend the holidays with a narcissist. I'll also share tips on communicating and planning these events to reduce conflict to the minimum, and how and when to respond to the narcissist's messages.  

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why is it so challenging to celebrate any holiday in peace with a narcissist

- What I've learned from my experience with my narcissist ex-husband during the holidays

- The advantages of planning ahead for these events, and how it can help us in court if we need it

- How to structure our messages when communicating our plans with our narcissist ex-spouse

- How to approach communication when we must spend the holidays with a narcissist

We have an advantage when it comes to any holiday - we know precisely when they will happen. This allows us to plan, minimise and mitigate the conflict by creating the best-case scenario for our kids and us. Still, conflicts can appear, even if we plan ahead and do our best to avoid them. We must remember to stay in our lane, treat ourselves with kindness and avoid self-judgement if that happens. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Dec 14, 2021
When Your Friends & Family Tell You To Ignore The Narcissist
18:05

Today I want to talk about something I went through when I was suffering narcissistic abuse, which is when your family and friends tell you to ignore the narcissist. As always, we’ll look at this from a trauma-informed lens. First, we’ll understand what is so triggering about receiving this kind of comments from our loved ones, and then what we can do to stop being triggered and avoid getting into unnecessary conflicts. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why the phrase "just ignore them" triggers us so much

- How hearing that from our loved ones makes us feel the need for validation

- What kind of addiction narcissistic abuse creates

- Why we must not feel shame or guilt for firing messages back at the narcissist

We must recognise that healing from narcissistic abuse is not just doing affirmations and repeating "I'm good enough" every day. We have to perform deep work in our bodies because traumatic experiences are stored there. They get locked in our bodies and go directly into our fascia, deep into the visceral level and into our nervous system. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Dec 07, 2021
Why Does a Narcissist Lie?
20:24

For those of us who have been victimised by a narcissist, knowing they are spreading lies about us can be really triggering. It might become worse when we see people around them believing their lies and turning into what we call flying monkeys. So in this episode, we'll unravel why narcissists feel this need to spread lies about us, why it triggers a response from us and what we can do to stop reacting to their lies.  

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why narcissists continually, habitually and pathologically choose to lie

- The link between the narcissist’s protector parts and their need to lie about us

- If the trigger and the activation don't come from the lie per se, where they actually come from

- How we can protect ourselves from being triggered by a narcissist's lies about us

I used to suffer a lot because of my ex-husband's lies. I wasted tons of energy on two things I would never control - what he would say about me and what people would think when they heard that. Once I realised that, I started focusing and getting curious about what I had control over - my reaction to the lies and what protector part triggered my response. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Nov 30, 2021
Why Keeping Telling Your Narcissistic Abuse Story Can Keep You Stuck
18:47

This week, we will talk about the negative effects of keeping repeating your story over and over. Of course, all of us who went through narcissistic abuse want to be heard and validated, and that’s why we need to tell our story. However, from a neuroscience perspective, the more we keep telling our story of abuse, the more we are slowing down our healing process. Today, we will explore how our mind works and understand what happens in our body when we talk about our story of abuse, and what can help us to overcome this trauma. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why repeating our story of abuse over and over makes our healing process slower

- What Trauma Vortex is and how we get there

- What happens in our body every time we relive our relationship with a narcissist

- Why we must pay attention to the content we consume on the internet and on social media about narcissistic abuse

Much of the content about narcissistic abuse we see on social media is about how terrible it is, whether it is made with humour through memes or actual stories. And it is awful indeed, but that kind of content focuses on the narcissist, on the abuse and, therefore, activates the negative feelings we had while enduring that abuse. The way I see it, our focus should be elsewhere - on our recovery, what we can learn about ourselves, and what we can use from it to grow and evolve. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Nov 23, 2021
The FREEZE Response of Narcissistic Abuse
15:02

If we think about our nervous system and how it responds to perceived danger, we could compare it to traffic lights. The green light is when things are relatively under control. The amber light is when some alarms are triggered, and our body gets ready to either fight or flight. The red light is when we go into the dorsal vagal shutdown - we go into freeze. 

In this episode, we'll use this analogy to understand why we go into freeze mode staying in uncomfortable and painful situations, and then learn why we shouldn't judge ourselves for doing it.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The three stages of our nervous system's response to the environment

- Why we tend to stay in abusive relationships, even when they are excruciating

- Why our brain thinks that sometimes freezing is the best choice for us

It is crucial to understand that although we might feel depleted because of being in constant freeze mode, our brain is satisfied with its job. From the brain's point of view, we are still alive, it is mission accomplished. We must get curious about why some situations trigger our freeze response; that is our first step into healing. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Nov 16, 2021
The Shame of Narcissistic Abuse
15:31

Today, we will talk about the shame many of us feel for staying longer than we think we should have in an abusive relationship with a narcissist.

In this show, my main focus is to understand before judging, to be compassionate before pointing fingers, and to take care of what we feel before wasting time on what others think of us. We will look at the reasons that made us stay in an abusive relationship from a trauma-informed lens, trying to understand our nervous system and why we behave the way we do.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The link between my childhood traumas and me becoming a perfectionist and a people-pleasing person

- Why meeting my ex-husband, a covert narcissist, felt like I had met Prince Charming

- Why our brain thinks that it is better to stay with the narcissist than risk the unknown world

When our protector parts are coming to the rescue, that means somehow our inner child wounds were triggered. Getting curious about what triggered them is crucial for our recovery. We can't change past events, but we can change our experience over those events and, most importantly, how we FEEL about those events. That is the beginning of our healing journey because those past traumatic experiences won't hurt us anymore. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Nov 09, 2021
The 10 Types of Narcissists
16:32

In this episode, we will go through the different types of narcissists you can encounter. I will break down each of them, starting with the main types or the core four, and then going through the subtypes. I believe that talking about this subject will help you identify and get more clarity about the type of narcissist you may be dealing with in your life. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The four main types of narcissists, and the main differences between them

- The three subtypes of narcissists that go hand in hand with each one of the core four

- Why some subtypes of narcissists are so hard to spot

These kinds of episodes are meant to help you put pieces together. They should help you have a clearer idea of the size of the problem you're dealing with, to start realising that none of what is happening to you is your fault. Narcissistic abuse happens TO you, not because of you. The sooner you get curious about the origin of your reactions to abuse, the closer you get to finding healing and closure. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Nov 02, 2021
Postnatal Depression or Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse
28:39

I had a fascinating conversation recently about postnatal depression and the symptoms of narcissistic abuse, and I thought it would be interesting to do an episode about it. Today I share the different challenges I faced during pregnancy, my own experience with postnatal depression, and the realisation that what I was feeling was mostly trauma-based. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What triggered my inner wounds during my first pregnancy, and why I felt not good enough as a mother

- How I ended up with the belief that I had to choose between being enough either as mom or wife, but not both

- Why I decided to stay after finding out my ex-husband was cheating on me

- Looking at postnatal depression as protector parts distracting us from being in a loveless marriage

When we come from a place of anger, depression, anxiety, self-harm or addictions, it could be a part of us protecting us from a core wound our brain believes is too painful to feel. Narcissists are specialists in shining big spotlights on our inner wounds, and the more they do that, the more our protector parts show up and get louder. Eventually, what we think is the problem, actually is a symptom of the problem, and for us to experience post-traumatic growth, it is crucial we get curious about it. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Oct 26, 2021
Nervous System Responses To Narcissistic Abuse
17:57

Today, I will explain in depth what the Ladder of Tolerance is, how it works and how we use it in my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Program™. We will explore how our nervous system functions, hoping to remove some of the guilt and shame that narcissistic abuse imprints on us. I will share some of my own traumatic experiences as a child that made me blend with my protective parts and turn into a perfectionist, self-harming, and people-pleasing person. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The Ladder of Tolerance and how can we use it to understand our nervous system response to abuse

- What is post-traumatic growth, and how it can help us recover from narcissistic abuse

- What it means that we must be taught to be in the top part of the ladder, and what happens when we are not

- Why healing from narcissistic abuse does not happen only on the cognitive level, and what other things we must work on to heal completely

Our nervous system is constantly moving up and down the ladder. When we feel safe, we are at the top, and when we feel anxious, nervous, or threatened, we are at the bottom. In many cases, there is no real danger and still, we think our life is on the line. What triggers that response is usually self-worthiness wounds we drag from traumatic experiences from our childhood. We need to take a closer look at those wounds, get curious about them and find out their origin, so we can learn to heal them. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Oct 19, 2021
The Narcissistic Disney Parent
12:22

In this episode, we will talk about what I call the Disney narcissistic parents - about their behaviour when they are with the kids, the effects of that on our children, and the responses it triggers in us. We will talk about dealing with this kind of narcissistic parents, which is one of the most challenging parts of co-parenting with a narcissist. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What is a Disney narcissistic parent and how we can identify them

- Why it is so triggering for us to deal with this behaviour in co-parenting with a narcissist

- Why our kids misbehave when they are with us and never when they are with the narcissistic parent

- How The Tolerance Ladder can help us understand our kids' behaviour

Although it might be extremely challenging to co-parent with a narcissist, we must focus on teaching our kids values, showing them love, ensuring a secure connection and installing a healthy sense of self in them. The Disney narcissistic parent will flood them with expensive toys, new cell phones or video games, but none of that can compete with the kind of relationship we can offer to them based on trust, love and a deep connection. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 

Oct 12, 2021
Narcissists & Sex - The Intimacy Avoidance Protector Part
21:26

Today, we will talk about a topic that can be quite triggering. We will talk about intimacy while in a relationship with a narcissist, and we will look at lack of sexual desire from a trauma-informed perspective. To explore this topic, I’ll be fully vulnerable and share some of my own experiences with my ex-husband, and how I navigated these issues. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- How looking at intimacy with a narcissist from a trauma-informed perspective can help us better understand our reactions 

- Why we must understand there is nothing wrong with ourselves when our body rejects intimacy with our partner

- What I learned about myself and my relationship with sex in my previous marriage

Understanding that frigidity, coldness, or lack of sexual desire are nothing else than our protector parts activating body responses to a perceived danger changes everything. Rather than thinking it is a conscious choice or something wrong with us, we must know that these reactions to sex are parts of us doing their job, which is keeping us alive. 

Resources:

- Bella Article https://publishmystory.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/bella-caroline-strawson-nf-finished.jpg 

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Oct 05, 2021
Brain Damage From Narcissistic Abuse
12:04

In this episode, we will talk about the damage that narcissistic abuse provokes to our brains. Although what happens to us in abusive relationships is considered brain damage, I'll add a caveat right away and clarify that this damage can be reversed. In fact, you can start living even better than before. We will begin by understanding what happens in our minds when we are abused, what parts of the brain are triggered by the abuse, and how we can recover from it.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What kind of brain damage narcissistic abuse produces

- What happens when our mind goes from "online" to "offline" mode

- How the hippocampus and the amygdala affect how we feel and how we react to abuse

- What we can do to reverse the damage produced by narcissistic abuse

The traumatic experiences we go through in our childhood leave marks, or self-worthiness wounds as we call them. Those wounds are the reference our brain has to do its primary job of keeping us alive. Our brain will always pick what it considers the less painful option, even if that means staying in an abusive relationship. Understanding this is crucial to see that our system is trying to protect us, and for us to become curious why it considers abuse less dangerous than other options.  

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Sep 28, 2021
What Exactly Is A Narcissist?
11:39

Today, I want to talk about a subject that divides the trauma, counselling, and psychology world: the label of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). I'll share my opinion on the challenges and dangers of labelling NPD. We’ll talk about and compare three different approaches - the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the Internal Family System approach, and my own, Narcissistic Trauma Informed approach. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why I consider over 35 traits in order to recognise NPD and not only 9 like the DSM

- Why labelling and medicalising NPD almost feels like excusing the narcissistic behaviour

- Why we consider narcissistic traits as an umbrella protecting self-worthiness wounds

In many cases of narcissistic abuse, I've witnessed how the victims tend to see narcissistic abuse as a reflection of them. What happens is that when we have self-worthiness wounds from our childhood, we believe the narcissist "is right" abusing us because we see ourselves as unworthy or unlovable. That is why I love to share this knowledge, because we must know that the abuse is happening TO US, not because of us. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 

Sep 21, 2021
The Narcissist Addict
12:06

In this episode, we discuss narcissists in relation to addictions. We will use the Internal Family Systems approach to understand how addictions can serve as protective parts. We will also learn how addictions can distract and soothe away narcissists from suffering from their self-worthiness wounds. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why addictions are considered protective parts in Internal Family Systems

- How the narcissist’s interpretation of other people's actions and reactions lead to addictive behaviours

- How a better understanding of narcissists' addictions can help us on our trauma recovery journey

Self-worthiness wounds are created during childhood, and the interpretation of the world and other people's behaviour forms what is called an exile in Internal Family Systems. Addiction to drugs, porn, sex, or work can act as protective parts the brain uses to protect people from feeling that pain again. Between being distracted by an external stimulus or feeling miserable, the brain chooses what it considers less painful. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Sep 14, 2021
Gaslighting Examples From A Narcissist
21:28

Today, we talk about gaslighting. I'm amazed by the number of people who aren't sure what gaslighting is and don't even know they are being victims of it. To help me explain what gaslighting is and why it is a form of abuse, I'll share some situations I've experienced during my previous marriage with my ex-husband. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What gaslighting is, and what makes it a form of abuse

- Why, when we are being gaslighted, we doubt our sanity and our common sense

- How my ex-husband went from potential murder to hero

- Why we isolate ourselves when we are being gaslighted in our relationship

When someone is being abused, their friends and relatives will most likely advise them to leave that relationship. In most cases, the abused won't leave their abuser, not because they don't want to, but because they can't, because being in an abusive relationship feels safer for the victim's system than being alone. Gaslighting is a form of abuse, and we must approach its victims with compassion and empathy. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Sep 07, 2021
Narcissistic Abuse & Polyvagal Theory
10:15

In this episode, we will analyse narcissistic abuse from the polyvagal theory perspective. We’ll use this theory, remarkably well explained by Deb Dana, to understand how our nervous system responds to abuse, and use that knowledge to lift and remove the shame and guilt attached to those reactions. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What is the polyvagal theory, and how the ladder analogy can help us to better understand our response to abuse

- What are the sympathetic, dorsal vagal, and ventral vagal responses of our system, and what they mean

- How triggers affect our "position" on the trust ladder

Understanding how and why we react to abuse is the first step to acknowledging that we are not weak and powerless, and that what is happening is not our fault. We need to get curious about what our system "sees," and what it is trying to protect us from. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™
https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 

Aug 31, 2021
Adult Children of a Narcissist
15:55

Today's episode is directed to parents who went through abusive narcissistic relationships and who have adult children. We will talk about how triggering it can be to watch our adult child taking our place in that abusive relationship, and the best way to deal with it. I share some advice on how to talk to our children in these situations, and how to deal with the challenging circumstance of seeing our child becoming a narcissist. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The difference between co-parenting young children and adult children with a narcissist

- What is the best way to talk to our adult children about their narcissistic parent

- Why our children look more aggressive with us than with the narcissistic parent

- How to protect our relationship with our adult children

Questioning our children why they are still in touch with their narcissistic parent has the same effect as asking a victim of domestic abuse why they don't leave their partner. Their system makes them feel weaker, worthless, and even more powerless, and we must wait for our children to see things for themselves, as well as accept that perhaps they never will. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Aug 24, 2021
Anger At The Narcissist
15:23

In this episode, we will have a conversation about anger. We will analyse the difference between regulated and dysregulated anger, its long-term effects, and what happens within us when we feel angry. We will also look at anger through the Internal Family System lens to understand why it scratches the scab of our worthiness wounds.  

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- How dysregulated anger is a sympathetic trauma response

- Why our protective parts choose anger to deal with some issues

- Can being stuck in anger for a long time be a natural part of a healing process?

- The questions we must pose to our angry, protective parts 

If we approach our angry, protective parts with curiosity, looking beyond the anger and trying to understand what those parts are trying to distract us from, we will look at what triggered us in a different way. We will realise that our system is trying to soothe the pain from our wounded, younger part. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™
https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Aug 17, 2021
How Can I Heal from Narcissistic Abuse?
15:04

Today's episode is about empowerment. We will learn that the power to heal from narcissistic abuse is within ourselves. We will analyse and understand why we hand over our strength and energy to the narcissist by seeking external validation, and looking for an answer outside of us.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The three main characteristics that make my approach to narcissistic trauma recovery different

- Why we give our power away by looking for external validation

- What we need to know to understand that the power to heal from narcissistic abuse is within ourselves

Although we might feel that trauma is the narcissist, it is not. Trauma is what we hold in our bodies, and what we say to ourselves about what happened. Getting curious about that will help us understand why we feel a certain way around narcissists, which could be the first step into our trauma recovery journey. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Aug 10, 2021
Will My Life Ever Be The Same After the Narcissist?
13:44

Today's episode is about positive psychology and how I use it in the work I do. First, we will define what positive psychology is and talk about its origin and purpose. Then we will go through the PERMAH model, and finally, we will discuss post-traumatic growth and why we must remain curious about it. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What positive psychology is, and where it comes from

- What is the PERMAH model, and how it can help us increase happiness and decrease anxiety

- Why it seems impossible to think about growth at some stages of narcissistic abuse

- What it means to do the somatic work, and how it can help us

Focusing on the six pillars of the PERMAH model when we are coming out to heal our narcissistic trauma is the best way of levelling up our well-being. If we focus too often on the things we don't want from our past, we might get stuck in the past, and then growing will become more challenging. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Aug 03, 2021
The Diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
10:10

In this episode, we will talk about the diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). We will analyse the nine traits determined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) to diagnose the narcissistic disorder.

We will also talk about covert narcissists, the difficulties with getting a diagnosis and how it impacts the victims of abuse, and the issues with medicalising NPD. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What are the nine traits established by the DSM to diagnose a narcissistic personality disorder?

- Why we say that there are much more than nine traits that we should look at

- Why it is hard to get the NPD diagnosis, and how that affects the victim of narcissistic abuse

- What a covert narcissist is, and why we consider them the most dangerous type of narcissists

As narcissists would rarely recognise they have a problem, getting a diagnosis becomes almost impossible. This adds pressure to their victims who are looking for help, and that is why we need to be careful when we hear that someone is a narcissist, and be ready to listen to the victims. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Jul 27, 2021
Are Narcissists Born This Way?
12:46

In today's episode, we will talk about something I get asked a lot - are narcissists born that way? We will discuss the impact of intergenerational trauma on a narcissist's development, the role of their protective parts, and the root causes of their behaviour.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why we say that narcissists are formed and not born

- The connection between a narcissist's intergenerational trauma and how their protective parts show up

- How worthiness wounds are formed 

- Why as a society, we must start looking more at the root causes than symptoms of narcissistic behaviour

When we talk about compassion, and understanding narcissistic behaviour, we are not talking about justifying their abuse. We talk about using empathy to understand the origin of their conduct, to know what triggers it, and to understand what it triggers in us, so we can build boundaries around it. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Jul 20, 2021
Can You Cure a Narcissist?
19:02

In this episode, we will discuss a controversial topic - can narcissists be cured? To answer this, we will consider two antagonising positions, those who say it is possible, those who say it can't be done, and we will also look at the middle ground. Most importantly, we will focus on the things we can change in our relationship with the narcissist. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The issue with labeling narcissists, ignoring the root causes of their disorder, and medicalising them

- The benefits of looking at the situation with compassion and curiosity to ourselves

- What is a narcissist’s main goal, and what triggers their behaviour

- How to change our focus from curing the narcissist to looking at our reactions

Although it might sound shocking to hear, a narcissist's primary goal is not to be abusive. Their main purpose is to protect their self-worthiness wounds, so they project their protector parts on their abuse victims. As they won't see or accept this, and they justify their actions, we can’t help them, but we can focus on how we respond to their behaviour, and how we let it affect us. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Interview with Professor Sam Vaknin, Author of Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited  

Part 1: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/037-interview-professor-sam-vaknin-author-malignant/id1527479270?i=1000514048886 

Part 2: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/038-part-2-interview-professor-sam-vaknin-author-malignant/id1527479270?i=1000514982380 

Part 3: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/039-part-3-interview-professor-sam-vaknin-author-malignant/id1527479270?i=1000515945205

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Jul 13, 2021
The Narcissist/Codependent Magnet
16:41

Today, we will talk about the magnetic relationship between narcissists and codependents. We will dive deep into their origins, why they attract each other, and why they seem like a match made in heaven - or more accurately, made in hell. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why certain people only attract narcissists to their love life

- The role of the worthiness wounds in codependents' and in narcissists' behaviours

- How codependents can heal their emotional core wounds, and prevent themselves from attracting narcissists

Once a codependent identifies the core wound that triggers their protector parts to make them constantly give so they feel worthy or lovable, the chances are huge that they prevent those protector parts from acting on their behalf. With narcissists, on the other hand, this is almost impossible, since they'll never look at their worthiness wounds. 

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Jul 06, 2021
The Narcissist's True Colours - When They Know You Know!
23:10

In this episode, we will talk about what happens when the narcissist knows you figured everything out, and what we can expect when they show their true colors. I will share a bit of my story with my ex-husband, and what happened when I confirmed my suspicions about him, and I let him know that I knew everything I needed to know. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- How narcissists diminish the pain of feeling worthless

- The three ways of ending a relationship with a narcissist

- Why I stayed for years in my abusive marriage

- What happened when I told my ex-husband I had everything figured out about him

Although narcissists appear to be confident and secure, they are precisely the opposite.  When we let them know we are aware of their game, we become a shining spotlight on their worthiness wounds. They have two options, to look themselves in the mirror acknowledging the damage they've done, or smear and try to diminish us. Unfortunately, they tend to choose the latter option. 

Resources Mentioned:

- Book: Caroline Strawson - Divorce Became My Superpower: A Story Of Narcissistic Abuse Recovery, Gaining Perspective, Power & Positivity: https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Became-Superpower-Narcissistic-Perspective-ebook/dp/B07H6GF4FV/ 

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Jun 28, 2021
Narcissistic Abuse Is Trauma
17:57

Today, we celebrate our 50th episode together, and we will talk about why I've decided to rebrand. I’ll share with you my true purpose, why I've decided to start focusing on post-traumatic growth, and how we can reclaim our power. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

-What can we do to take back the power we gave to the narcissist

-Why focusing on post-traumatic growth rather than abuse changes the whole spectrum of our recovery

- What are the worthiness wounds, and what is their role in our response to abuse

Once we change how we feel about ourselves, we will change how we respond to narcissistic abuse. When we learn to identify the parts of us that the abuse is triggering, we can control our reactions. We can prevent our protective parts from starting the alarm of danger and falling into the I'm-not-good-enough spiral.

Resources: 

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Jun 22, 2021
Grief After Narcissistic Abuse
22:59

Today, we will talk about the grief after narcissistic abuse, and the feeling of loss we experience after losing our parent-child connection, our home, or the family we envisioned having. We will discuss every stage we go through after the divorce, and how each one leads to the other. I'll share what I experienced after my divorce, and what I did to change how I responded to my ex-husband after the separation.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why we grieve after separating from a narcissist

- The stages we go through after a separation

- How we can find peace after accepting what we have been through

- What to do when we feel a sense of loss deep in our bones

When we think about healing from narcissistic abuse, it's not only about changing our thoughts. It is also about changing our body, about finding a sense of integration, and understanding that what happened, happened to us and not because of us, and that now we are safe. 

Resources: 

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Jun 15, 2021
Narcissistic Trauma Versus Narcissistic Abuse
20:32

In this episode, we will talk about the difference between narcissistic abuse and narcissistic trauma. We will analyse and understand the origin of the trauma produced by narcissistic abuse, why narcissistic behaviour triggers memories of past events in our lives, and how we can reclaim our power. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why we choose to stay in abusive relationships 

- The differences between narcissistic abuse and narcissistic trauma

- The role of our interpretation of past events during our childhood in how we feel today 

- How separating abuse from trauma can help us take our power back

When we are abused by a narcissist, our response to abuse is related to our childhood wounds, and it is crucial that we work on healing them. Once we recover our younger self, even though we can't change a narcissist, we can change our interpretation of their behaviour. 

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Jun 08, 2021
What The Narcissist Does At The End Of Every Relationship
27:27

In today's episode, we will discuss what happens when we end a relationship with a narcissist. We will analyse why the abuse continues after the end of the relationship, and why narcissists smear our reputation when we are the ones who decide to separate or divorce. I'll share some of my own experiences, and how I learned to stop judging myself and others in narcissistic abusive relationships. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why narcissists feel their wounded parts triggered when we decide to end the relationship

- What makes a narcissist want to end a relationship 

- Why our narcissistic ex-spouse looks like a different person after we separate from them

- Why narcissists tend to rewrite the story of what happened and then try to smear our reputation

Instead of judging ourselves for staying in an abusive relationship, we can take this awakening as an opportunity to know ourselves better. We need to be curious about why we feel the way we do, and identify the younger wounded parts we were trying to protect by accepting being in a relationship with a narcissist.

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Jun 01, 2021
Can a Narcissist Change Their Spots?
17:38

This week we will answer a question that many people ask themselves after an abusive relationship - can a narcissist change their spots? We will dive deep into why those abused start doubting themselves, and understand why our narcissistic ex-partners seem happy and fulfilled in their new relationship. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why we start doubting ourselves after breaking up with the narcissist

- How a narcissist's protective parts trigger a codependent's protective parts

- The two things to consider when a narcissist enters a new relationship 

- What we can and what we cannot change about what happened to us in the past

Healing from narcissistic trauma doesn't happen instantly. It's about realising that the narcissist highlighted our core wounds and protective parts. The best thing we can do is stop looking at the narcissist and their new relationship, focus that lens on ourselves, take back our power, and do what we need to do to live our best life.

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

May 25, 2021
Rock Bottom to Post Traumatic Growth - A Story to Inspire Hope with Danette May
37:27

Today I'm joined by the extraordinary Danette May, America’s leading healthy lifestyle expert, #1 best-selling author of “The Rise,” and 7 health and fitness books and programs. She is a co-founder and CCO of Mindful Health, LLC (#48 on the Inc. 5000 List), dedicated founder of The Rise movement, world-renowned motivational speaker, wife, and mother.

Danette's rise began after losing her son during childbirth, getting divorced, and finding herself with $47 to her name. It was then that she decided to stop being a victim and rewrite her story. 

She began to focus on the three pillars of healing: healing foods, healing movement, and a healing mindset. These three pillars form the foundation of every product or program she's created since then. 

In this episode, Danette charts how she was able to pull herself back from rock bottom to have POST TRAUMATIC GROWTH in all areas of her life. 

Danette would also offer anyone who pre-orders her book access to a Free Live Virtual Relationship Coaching Event (worth $597). As a VIP coach, she leads healing retreats, and helps high level execs change their mindset, learn to manifest, and call in intimate relationships, attracting their Soul’s Contract Connection. Pre-orders of the new book "Embrace Abundance" can get a FREE TICKET to a live event by going here: http://embraceabundancebook.com

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What it meant for Danette to fail to tune into her intuition

- The importance of taking responsibility for our life choices

- Why forgiveness is so liberating

- The three pillars of healing, and why it’s essential to focus on each of them

- The importance of the words that we say to ourselves

When we forgive those who hurt us, we unplug them from our energetic field. Either if they say or do something to us, or if we remember what they did to us in the past, we won't be affected. Only after we unplug ourselves from the people who hurt us, we can rise up and be who we want to be, without being pulled down by past memories. 

Resources:

- Visit Danette May's website: https://danettemay.com/ 

- Pre-order Danette’s new book “Embrace Abundance” http://embraceabundancebook.com 

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

May 18, 2021
Interview With Ross Rosenberg, Founder of Self-Love Recovery Institute
01:05:45

Today I’m sharing with you a fantastic conversation with Ross Rosenberg.

Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, is the owner of  Self-Love Recovery Institute. He is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness and author. Ross is known globally for his expertise in codependency (Self-Love Deficit Disorder), Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse and Trauma Treatment. He is a keynote speaker who has presented in 30 States/70 cities and abroad and has been regularly featured on national TV and radio. His “The Human Magnet Syndrome” books sold over 120K copies and are translated into 10 languages. His YouTube Channel has amassed 19 million video views and more than 200K subscribers.  

In this episode, Ross shared brilliant insights about responsibility, codependency, children moulded by narcissistic parents, and core shame. We talked about his definition of codependency, and how it was a game changer for so many people after finding an explanation that made sense for them. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The victim's connection with responsibility and the band-aid therapy

- Ross' journey of dealing with narcissists in his life, and how he managed to overcome his challenges

- How many types of codependents there are according to Ross, and the difference between them

- What is the human magnet syndrome

- What is a relationship template, how it is created, and how it works

Ross’s definition of codependency is revolutionary, because it offers a simple explanation of the condition. After we have an answer, we can make a choice to address the problem and neutralize its cause. 

Connect with Ross Rosenberg:

- Self-Love Recovery Institute https://www.selfloverecovery.com/ 

- Find Ross on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/rossarosenberg/ 

- Find Ross on Twitter https://twitter.com/rossrosenberg1/ 

- Find Ross on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/rossrosenberg_slri/

- Visit Ross’s YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/clinicalcareconsult

Resources:

- Book: Ross Rosenberg - The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap: Surviving Narcissistic Abuse https://www.amazon.com/Human-Magnet-Syndrome-Codependent-Narcissist-ebook/dp/B07D99945P/ 

- Book: Alice Miller - The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self https://www.amazon.com/Drama-Gifted-Child-Search-Third-ebook/dp/B06XCG9MKN/ 

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

May 11, 2021
Why Do I Have To Be The One To Change In Response To The Narcissist?!
15:56

Today, we will talk about why we feel WE need to change after all the abuse received from the narcissist in our lives. To help us see this issue from a different lens, we use the Internal Family System perspective, and we will understand why we feel that way. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What is the reason behind our protective parts making us feel angry or frustrated

- The consequence of blending with our protective parts

- The questions we need to ask ourselves when we start feeling angry and frustrated

When we feel we need to change our behaviour around the narcissist, or change how we react to their abuse, a sense of injustice invades us. The truth is we don't need to change; we only need to ask ourselves and understand why our protective parts are coming to rescue us. Ideally, we should see a narcissist as a spotlight warning us against being triggered and confusing our protective parts with our true self.  

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

 

May 04, 2021
Am I Turning Into A Narcissist? - Mirror Neurons Explained
19:34

In this episode, we will dive deeper into a question that I get asked a lot - am I turning into a narcissist? We will talk about why we start to notice some narcissistic behaviours in ourselves after going through an abusive relationship with a narcissist. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why those victimised by a narcissist start exhibiting narcissistic behaviour

- What the mirror neurons are, and their role in our behaviour

- Why narcissists won't start mirroring codependency

- How looking from a trauma-informed lens can help us understand our own narcissistic traits 

No narcissist will ever question their narcissistic behaviour, they will blame others for their actions. The best thing we can do when we detect narcissistic behaviour in ourselves is to step back, and look at it from a place of curiosity, compassion, courage, and clarity. If we are genuinely asking ourselves - am I a narcissist? - we most certainly are not. 

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

Apr 27, 2021
Empathy & The Narcissist - Or Lack Of!!!
13:26

In today's episode, we will talk about narcissists and empathy. We will go through the three types of empathy and explain which area of the brain is responsible for each of them, so we can understand better why, according to the DSM, narcissists lack empathy. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The three types of empathy - cognitive, emotional, and compassionate

- The three main areas of the brain that are associated with each type of empathy

- What kind of empathy narcissists are able to demonstrate

- Why and when narcissists are showing some kind of empathy

- What happens to us when we are offered no empathy

When we understand the origin and the difference between the three types of empathy, it becomes easier to understand why sometimes it may look like the narcissist in our lives is showing kindness or compassion. For them, it is all about getting narcissistic supply, and they'll put themselves in a situation where they can get more of it. 

Resources: 

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/



Apr 20, 2021
The Shame Of Staying With A Narcissist - Just Leave Then!!!
14:02

In this episode, we will talk about the shame and judgment that those who stay in a narcissist relationship suffer from others and from themselves. We will dive deep into the reasons behind the decision to stay in an abusive relationship, and how to be more compassionate towards those who make such decisions. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- How our protective parts don't know what happiness is

- What happens when we hear the phrase ‘Just leave then’

- Safety concerns in case of leaving a narcissistic relationships

- How we can help people who decide to stay in abusive relationships

- The importance of bringing awareness into your internal protective mechanisms

Someone that comes from a place of not feeling worthy is more likely to end up as a codependent in an abusive relationship. In most cases, the fear of leaving that relationship will be greater than their suffering, so they'll choose to stay. Without help, those people can enter the endless cycle of not feeling good enough to leave and, simultaneously, not worthy enough to generate love in their partners. 

Resources: 

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

Apr 13, 2021
Part 3 of the Interview With Professor Sam Vaknin - Author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited
42:26

The third and final interview segment with Sam Vaknin is perhaps the most triggering, as we discuss the concepts of victim, victimhood, and being victimized by a narcissist. We also analyze Sam's view on victimization and victimhood as new social trends and part of the tribalism we live in nowadays. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What happened to us is not what we are

- Why people idolize, perpetuate, and glamorise being a victim

- The danger of the self-styled empaths

- How to love yourself, trust your gut, and not abuse your abuser

When we grow up hearing things like we are not good enough or our parents find us helpful only as victims, then our self-esteem is low and we understand there is no other way than victimhood to get favourable outcomes from our environment. However, in order to heal, we must allow ourselves to be loved for who we are, and not for what happened to us. 

Resources: 

- Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin

- Connect with Professor Sam Vaknin on LinkedIn, Instagram, and YouTube

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

Apr 06, 2021
Part 2 of the Interview With Professor Sam Vaknin - Author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited
36:24

This is part two of the fantastic interview with Professor Sam Vaknin. In this episode we talk about narcissistic abuse from a social perspective, and how we, as society members, deal with abusers and victims. We dive deep into the danger of labelling people, and discuss the idea of fluidity between the roles of victims and abusers. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The counterproductive tendency of isolating trait behaviours, labelling and medicalising

- Regarding narcissism as a positive adaptation that has helped a child to survive

- Are we all a part of a colossal victim community?

- The differences in a relationship between narcissists and healthy people, and narcissists and codependents

- How the confirmation bias and the saviour mentality affects the victims of narcissist abuse

Accepting that many victims are never likely to abandon their abusers, Doctor Vaknin believes that people should be educated on self-defence, on how to create boundaries and react to abusive situations. Both the victim and abuser share the same source - they are children with wounded inner parts, utilising their survival tools. 

Resources:

Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror by Judith Lewis Herman

- Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin

- Connect with Professor Sam Vaknin on LinkedIn, Instagram, and YouTube

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

Mar 30, 2021
Interview With Professor Sam Vaknin - Author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited - Part 1
29:29

This episode is the first part of an enlightening interview with Sam Vaknin, Professor of Psychology & Finances at the Southern University of Rostov-on-Don, Russia, PhD in Philosophy and Physics, and author of the book "Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited." 

In this first of a three-episode series, we talked about why the narcissistic abuse experience is different from other abusive relationships, and why each narcissistic abuse story is unique. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- How it was connecting with narcissistic abuse victims before the internet era

- The uniqueness of the narcissistic abuse experience

- How narcissists live inside their mind

- Why making demands or having expectations threatens a narcissist’s equilibrium 

- The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) vs. the Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual (PDM)

When Professor Vaknin started working with narcissistic abuse trauma back in 1995, there was no terminology, no words to describe it. One of his first jobs was to coin terms like narcissistic supply, somatic narcissist, cerebral narcissist, and narcissistic abuse itself. He has been studying the subject passionately for over 26 years, helping thousands of people to recover from their trauma. 

Resources:

- Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin

- Connect with Professor Sam Vaknin on LinkedIn, Instagram, and YouTube

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

 

Mar 23, 2021
Breaking Up With a Narcissist
18:18

Today, I want to talk about what happens after we break up with a narcissist, what we should expect from them, and how to prevent being affected by what they can do or say to us and our closest friends. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • Safety is your number one priority
  • What to do when our reputation is being shredded by the narcissist
  • The narcissist and their army of flying monkeys
  • What drives narcissists to take action
  • Why falling into a love bombing trap is easier than it looks
  • Our goal is not trying to change or fix the narcissist

Breaking up a relationship with a narcissist might lead us to a lonely place if they turn our friends and relatives against us. We must create a robust ecosystem around us, and surround ourselves by the people who believe in us. We need to keep in mind that we are enough, and that we are worthy and lovable regardless of what the narcissist could have said to us or to anyone else about us. 

Resources:

Mar 02, 2021
The Relationship After The Narcissist
20:47

This week we are talking about relationships after narcissistic abuse. But to talk about future relationships, we need to look at our past and what we learned about love when we were children. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The three parts of our brain and what their roles are
  • Where the belief that the world is a dangerous place comes from
  • How to use the knowledge about how our mind works in order to empower ourselves
  • The prominent role of attachment in our perception of what love is
  • The connections between how we felt as children, and how we feel around the narcissist as adults
  • How YOU can break the cycle of narcissistic abuse

To ensure a healthy and lasting new relationship, we need to do some inner work, identify our blueprint of what love and connection are, and work on it. If we don't address it, we are at risk of repeating this inter-generational trauma, and possibly passing it onto the next generations. 

Resources:

Feb 23, 2021
The Child's Trauma Response To The Narcissistic Parent
17:41

In today's episode, we will talk about future generations and narcissism. We will explore and analyze kids' trauma responses to being with a narcissist and the best ways to help them deal with it.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The importance of breaking the trauma cycle and teaching self-love to our kids
  • Parallel parenting as the best choice for co-parenting with a narcissist
  • The fourth trauma response to narcissistic abuse
  • Why our kids choose to misbehave with us
  • The best response we can offer to our angry children

When our kids come back to us aggressive or angry, we must see them through the trauma-informed lens. We need to understand them, show them love and compassion, be supportive and make them feel that we see them and hear them. Our kids misbehave with us because we are their anchor. We must be aware of that and build our relationship with them from that place. 

Resources:

Feb 16, 2021
Medicalising Narcissistic Personality Disorder
24:11

This episode is about the controversy around the diagnosis of a narcissist and its medicalisation. Should narcissists be medicalised? And if they should, how does it affect those who've been involved with a narcissist?

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The problem with medicalisation of a certain problem
  • Why Complex PTSD doesn't go away with a sense of retribution
  • The beauty of hindsight in the context of a relationship with a narcissist
  • Why moving forward knowing the narcissist won't change is a powerful step
  • How narcissism has a lot more traits than the 9 from the DSM

As a society, we are conditioned to look at the symptoms and there is not much space for considering the root cause. That's what is happening with narcissists as well. The root cause gets overlooked, and the abuse suffered by the narcissist's victims remains unacknowledged. But the solution might lie in looking at narcissists through the trauma lens. 

Resources:

Feb 09, 2021
Covert Narcissist - The Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
25:03

One of the narcissist types that is hardest to identify is the covert narcissist. Today we will go through a covert narcissist's behavioural traits, the ways they get their narcissistic supply, how that makes us feel, and how to deal with that behaviour.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • What happens when a narcissist agrees to go to therapy
  • Why covert narcissists are so hard to identify
  • How they act like they are the victim
  • The spiral effect of nobody believing our story
  • How to bring the power back to yourself
  • Why you should stop worrying about what other people say

When we think about a narcissist, the first image that comes to mind is an arrogant, entitled and overly confident individual. But a covert narcissist is quite the opposite, they will portray themselves as a victim who suffers constant abuse. We need to be aware that they can turn people who know us against us, and be ready to deal with that. 

Resources:

Feb 02, 2021
Parenting With A Narcissist and Corona Virus
20:05

This week I want to talk about co-parenting with a narcissist in COVID times. We'll talk about what happens when the pandemic is used as an excuse for not giving the kids back, or sending them over. We will also go through the best way to communicate with a narcissist in conflict situations, and what parallel parenting is. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The difficulties of co-parenting with a narcissist
  • What it means to parallel parent
  • The importance of self-care and why it is NOT selfish
  • Why you need to register, document and not get dragged into an argument
  • How to set up up a grounding station at home

We need to pay special attention to the pandemic restrictions used as control methods by the narcissist in our lives. If that is the case, our kids' happiness is essential to look at before we decide to act. 

Resources:

Jan 26, 2021
The Narcissist and the Judgement Part
23:30

This week I want to talk to you about judgement from the Internal Family Systems and parts therapy perspective. We’ll go over what judgement really is and what questions you can ask yourself to get to the root of judgement both towards yourself and towards other people, including the narcissist.

What You Will Learn In This Episode: 


  • How to look at judgement as one of the parts in our system
  • The protective role of judgement
  • The wounded younger parts hiding under someone’s judgemental behaviour
  • Three questions to ask yourself when you recognise judgement in yourself
  • How to approach judgement with compassion and curiosity

It is definitely not pleasant to be on the receiving end of somebody else’s judgment, but I’m also inviting you to check in with yourself. How much are you judging other people? Because that's just a protector part showing up to protect you from your wounded younger parts.

Resources:

Jan 19, 2021
Can You Cure a Narcissist?
27:52

This week we talk about the possibility of curing a narcissist, and what we can do to make our situation better. Is it possible at all to get beyond their protector parts, and heal that wounded inner child that is responsible for their narcissistic behaviour?  

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What the real chances are of curing a narcissist

- How a covert narcissist turns things around and gaslights us

- The lack of ownership and of sense of responsibility in narcissists

- The difficulty of helping someone who thinks they don’t need help

- How to be compassionate towards the narcissist and still keep them accountable for their behaviour

As narcissists are a product of a childhood trauma, it is okay to be compassionate and empathetic. We need to accept that it is impossible to help someone who doesn't acknowledge they need help. 

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

Jan 12, 2021
When A Narcissist Knows You Have Them Figured Out
18:19

Today we talk about a pivotal moment in our relationship with a narcissist - what happens when they know we know? What is their reaction when we let them know we know who and what they are? Is it a good idea to let them know that? Let's find out.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The similarity between starting point of narcissists and codependents
  • How to release the legacy burden that we’ve got from our parents 
  • What happens when the protector parts cover the narcissist's true self
  • The effects of highlighting a narcissist's inner wounds

When we confront a narcissist with the truth about who they are, we force them to face their younger wounded parts. That makes their system go into overdrive, and their protector parts become an army pointing all their guns at us. We must ignore that and focus on our recovery and healing OUR wounded parts. 

Resources:

Jan 05, 2021
Why Does the Narcissist Do This to Me???
13:59

The question I get asked lots of times is - why does the narcissist do this to me? What have I ever done? I'm a nice person. I'm gonna get real with you in this episode and explain this in two parts. Let’s dive in.

What You Will Learn in This Episode:

  • How we create false reasons for why the narcissist treats us the way they do
  • The triangle in Internal Family Systems - True Self, Exile, Protector
  • How Exile and Protector parts show up in both narcissist and yourself
  • How you become a magnet for a narcissist
  • How you can flip the question and ask yourself why you are allowing a narcissist to do that to you

Your power is not trying to change a narcissist, but recognise what it is about you that makes you feel the way that you do and attract people like that into your life. Because when you change that, you change everything.

Resources:

Dec 30, 2020
The Three Stages of Divorcing a Narcissist
18:17

Today we talk about the three stages of our healing process when we are divorcing a narcissist. We go through our priorities in stage one, sorting out the legalities while starting to heal in stage two, and recognising that healing is a lifelong journey in stage three. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • Safety is the first priority when divorcing a narcissist
  • The triangle of divorcing - legalities, finances, and children
  • How to be gentle with ourselves when we start our healing process
  • The pitfalls of thinking of healing as a destination
  • Understanding post-traumatic growth and how it affects us

Divorcing a narcissist is tough, especially if you have children. However, if we focus on our safety, on our healing process, and avoid re-traumatising our mind, we can go through it. What we need to do is not beat ourselves up, and create a healthy ecosystem around us to help us heal. 

Resources:

Dec 22, 2020
The Cheating Narcissist
22:29

Today I talk about cheating narcissists, the reasons behind cheating, and what it is that narcissists pursue by doing it. We also cover narcissists' strong protective parts, how codependents in a relationship trigger cheating behaviours, and the difference between healthy and narcissistic abusive relationships.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The reasons behind your partner’s cheating
  • The role of self-soothing in cheating behaviours
  • What happens when two wounded younger parts meet in a relationship
  • How cheating can satisfy the need for narcissistic supply
  • Why we need to be mindful and empathetic with those who choose to stay in a cheating relationship

When we are cheated on, we tend to think it is our fault, that we are not good enough, not worthy. But when a narcissistic partner cheats on us, it’s not about us, but about their wounded younger parts, and their need to feel that sense of grandiosity. 

Resources:

Dec 15, 2020
Anxiety, Depression and Narcissistic Abuse
19:27

Today we’re talking about anxiety and depression, not as mere symptoms that need to be treated, but as parts of us showing up for a certain reason. Let’s ask ourselves - why are we anxious, why are we depressed, why are those parts showing up?

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • Looking at anxiety and depression as trauma responses within our body
  • Deb Dana's ladder analogy in the context of narcissistic relationships
  • The role of anxiety as the sympathetic trauma response 
  • The role of depression in our system state
  • How to look at anxiety and depression as parts of ourselves and not identify with them
  • The reason why people stay in abusive relationships
  • How to understand the intentions of all our parts and welcome them to our system

Once we see anxiety and depression as parts of us reacting to trauma, we will realise that we are not a depressed or anxious individual, but we have parts that are showing up in order to distract us and soothe us from feeling the pain of our younger, wounded part.   

Resources:

Dec 08, 2020
The Difference Between Narcissism and Confidence
21:00

Today I want to talk about two words that may conjure up very different concepts to you, and they are narcissism and confidence. We go over what narcissism is, what true confidence is, and how to tell a difference.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The difference between narcissistic traits and narcissistic personality disorder
  • The difficulties with diagnosing someone as a narcissist
  • Why we need to be careful when we use the word narcissist
  • Why we perceive narcissists as being confident and what lies beneath that confidence
  • Internal Family Systems and using Parts theory to understand narcissism
  • How to recognise truly confident persons

Because we can’t change narcissists, let’s get back to trying to live as much as possible as your true authentic self, as someone who is curious, calm, connected, courageous, creative, confident, compassionate, and lives with clarity. How much of your life are you living like that?

Resources:

Dec 01, 2020
Signs of Dating a Narcissist
16:45

Today we talk about the little signs and the red flags that we must be aware of when we start dating someone new. Even after a traumatic separation, at some point we need to start meeting new people, but we must have ears and eyes open to the signs of narcissistic behavior, so we know what to do if they keep happening.  

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • How we can step out into the dating world after a traumatic experience
  • What is "love bombing" and how to detect it
  • A key red flag - the narcissist’s lack of empathy
  • Gaslighting as the real hallmark of narcissism
  • The "I'm not apologizing" story and why narcissists believe they’re never wrong
  • The importance of having a positive relationship with yourself

The dating world after a divorce or a breakup can be terrifying. But it's important to remember that being with someone is not always better than being single. So if we decide to take a new chance, we must have our narcissistic radar on point to avoid falling into that trap. 

Resources:

Nov 24, 2020
Help!!! I'm Addicted to a Narcissist!
24:47

In this episode I’m talking about the addiction to the narcissist in your life, how to deal with it, and the first steps to overcome it. Remember that every addiction serves to stop us from feeling the pain of our wounded younger part, and today we are going to unpack that mechanism. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • Recognizing the difference between knowing you are good enough and feeling like you are not
  • How our body gets addicted to not feeling good enough
  • How our brain reacts to our biggest perceived pain
  • The importance of no contact or extremely modified contact with the narcissist in your life
  • Why our brain always reverts to what is familiar even when it’s painful 

In a relationship with a narcissistic person, we are continually trying to prove that we are good enough, and our body gets used to that sensation. Not feeling good enough then becomes familiar, and our brain perceives what's familiar as what's safe, thus ignores the pain we are feeling and perpetuates that cycle. 

Resources:

Nov 17, 2020
The Narcissist's True Intention
19:06

Do narcissists deliberately try to hurt you? What is their driving force?

Even when they say or do horrible things to us, the narcissist’s intention is purely about themselves. What they pursue is the narcissistic drug of choice, what we call the narcissistic supply. That is the only thing they are after.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Narcissistic abuse happens TO you. It doesn’t happen BECAUSE of you.

- Why your pain is just the byproduct of the narcissist’s behavior

- Where the narcissist’s need for mistreating you really comes from

- Narcissistic aggression and manipulation as the expression of their younger, wounded part

- How to recognise when the narcissist is pretending to behave in a certain way to achieve what they want

When narcissists hurt us, they want to heal their wounds at our expense. It has nothing to do with our integrity or our values. So remember that it is YOU who is holding the power to heal, and change the perception of your own childhood experiences.

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

Nov 10, 2020
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder
17:26
In this week’s episode, I want to talk about what exactly a narcissist is, and what tool is used to identify narcissistic personality disorder. We tend to wrongly label narcissists as those who take lots of selfies or those who are rude to us, and by doing that, we are not helping the real victims of narcissistic abuse. 
 
What You Will Learn In This Episode:
 
•The difference between being a narcissist and being obnoxious
•How being a victim of Narcissistic Personality Disorder affected me
•Are narcissistic personalities born or created?
•The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) nine traits to detect Narcissistic Personality Disorder
•The importance of educating the society regarding NPD and helping its victims
 
If someone you know ticks the boxes of at least five of the nine traits described by the DSM, the person has NPD. This method might help you get some reassurance of what you are dealing with and that it is not your fault.

Resources:

Nov 03, 2020
Five Key Phrases to Disarm the Narcissist
15:30

Today I want to share with you the five key phrases that are great to disarm the narcissist. These phrases really helped me and my clients to understand that the power is within us to heal from narcissistic abuse.

Five Key Phrases to Disarm the Narcissist:

  1. I'm so sorry you feel like that.
  2. I can accept your faulty perception of me.
  3. I have no right to control how you see me.
  4. I accept that this is how you feel.
  5. Your anger is not my responsibility.

Keep me posted if you're using any of these five phrases to disarm the narcissist. I would love to hear what their expressions were like, what they said back to you. Even if you don't feel these right now, remember that it's all about dis-confirming those experiences, but we have to start somewhere. So give these phrases a try.

Resources:

Oct 27, 2020
Narcissistic Abuse and Internal Family Systems
18:06

In this episode, I want to talk about the different parts of you, that may be stopping you from healing from narcissistic abuse.

In working with my clients, I use an evidence based parts therapy called Internal Family Systems, and I’m going to explain what it is and how it can help you heal.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • Internal Family Systems and the concept of True Self
  • Two main types of Protector parts - Manager and Firefighter
  • How physical conditions can play their parts
  • How we can change the roles of the parts to start healing from narcissistic abuse
  • How you can create a map of your parts to become aware of them
  • What is reconsolidation of memory

Working with parts as I explained them here can help you update that younger part of you, so the roles of the Protector parts won't need to be so reactive, proactive or destructive, and you can start healing from narcissistic abuse.

Resources:

Oct 20, 2020