The Narcissistic Abuse & Trauma Recovery Podcast

By Caroline Strawson

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Episodes: 150

Description

The Narcissistic Abuse & Trauma Recovery Podcast is to help women thrive after the devastating effects from the trauma of narcissistic abuse. Hosted by Caroline Strawson, best-selling author, speaker and award-winning Trauma Therapist & Coach and founder of the #1 Trauma Informed Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme using a unique integration of tools such as Internal Family Systems, Brainspotting, Somatic Experiencing, EMDR, Hypnotherapy, Breath Work & Positive Psychology to help you move form Post Traumatic Stress To Post Traumatic Growth. The podcast is your safe space for support, education and awareness around gaslighting, trauma bonds, codependency, complex PTSD and surviving narcissistic abuse to thrive and flourish. This is your safe space where we understand anger, toxicity and the guilt you can feel from the narcissist and this podcast is designed to take you from trauma, struggle and pain to transformation, purpose & strength. You are not alone and we heal together.

Episode Date
Midlife, Menopause & Narcissistic Abuse
37:08

Anxiety, depression, self-sabotage and brain fog are all symptoms that we’d love to be able to solve, but learning why you have these symptoms is necessary to start the healing process. Today I’m so excited to bring one of my certified coaches onto the podcast. Valerie Clark is an expert in midlife, menopause and narcissistic abuse and we’re going to discuss how these all interact together and how they have a significant impact on our healing and outlook. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • How to recognise trauma and understand how it impacts your midlife wellbeing
  • Strategies to reclaim your health and well-being during menopause 
  • How to find your sense of worth, live your life and not just exist 

In this episode, Valerie shares her personal journey of realizing the profound impact of trauma on her experience of menopause. She transformed her midlife from mere survival to a thriving phase. Valerie's expertise and insights will empower you and instil a belief in the possibility of finding light at the end of the tunnel.

Connect with Valerie here:

Podcast Resources:

 May 23, 2023
Creating A Positive Approach When Divorcing A Narcissist
44:12

Adopting a positive mindset towards divorce can have a profound impact on the outcome, your emotional recovery, and financial independence. I am delighted to be joined today by Karen Chellew and Catherine Shanahan, who will guide you in taking small but meaningful steps to achieve a better outcome while navigating a divorce with a narcissistic partner. Let's move past denial and begin the journey towards a brighter future.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • How to get what you’re entitled to, not what your ex-narcissist thinks you're entitled to.
  • Tactics to take emotions out of the divorce and approach negotiations with a well-thought-out strategy
  • Why taking control of your divorce can rapidly improve your healing from the narcissist

In this episode, Karen and Catherine will share their personal experiences of going through emotionally challenging divorces that centered around finances. These experiences have motivated them to assist others facing similar difficulties. Be sure to listen to the entire episode as they share valuable tips and strategies to help you navigate your own divorce smoothly and ensure that you receive what you deserve.

Learn more about Karen, Catherine and My Divorce Solution here:

Podcast Resources:

 May 16, 2023
Surfing The Urge To Respond To The Narcissist
22:06

We have the power to either let our urges define us or to harness them to become stronger and wiser. Learning how to manage our impulses is crucial in all areas of life, especially when it comes to dealing with a narcissist. In this episode, I will share with you a positive psychology intervention that has helped me become less impulsive and that can help you too.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • The importance of managing impulses in all areas of life, especially when dealing with a narcissist.
  • A positive psychology intervention that can help you become less impulsive and manage your urges effectively.
  • Techniques for recognizing the value of resisting your urges and challenging your mindset to make rapid improvements in different areas of your life.

I'll show you how recognizing the value of resisting your urges and challenging your mindset can lead to rapid improvements in your life. This intervention will not only help you deal with a narcissist but can also benefit you in other areas such as avoiding unhealthy habits like overeating, procrastination, and impulsive shopping. Save this episode for future use and use the meditation to help you navigate your future urges with ease.

Resources:

 May 09, 2023
Are You A SELF Abandoning Codependent?
14:25

To become your own rescuer is the ultimate gift you can give yourself. In this episode, I'll share my personal experience of realizing this truth during my own healing journey. I’m sure that if I had known this earlier, my healing process would have been much quicker.

What you will learn in this episode:

•    The importance of rescuing yourself and taking control of your own happiness.
•    The negative consequences of solely relying on others to fulfill your happiness and sense of self-worth.
•    How to empower yourself and prioritise self-love and care


I'll delve into how putting my happiness into the hands of others for decades led to a loss of self-worth. While helping and being kind to others absolutely brings me joy, I've come to understand that my own happiness cannot solely depend on the actions of others. My desire to please others had built up anger and resentment inside me, which is common in narcissistic relationships. I hope this episode serves as a catalyst in your own healing journey, guiding you towards realizing the importance of rescuing yourself.

Resources:

•    Join my FREE Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse
•    Access my low cost Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse
•    Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/
•    Find me on TikTok!: https://www.tiktok.com/@carolinestrawson 
•    My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 May 02, 2023
The Hidden Dangers Of A Narcissistic Friend
24:11

In my past episodes, I have often discussed how narcissists can manifest as spouses, but it's important to note that they can appear in various other forms, such as bosses, parents, and even friends, which is the topic of this episode. I will be sharing my personal experience of how I unknowingly fell into the trap of a narcissistic friend shortly after my ex-husband left me. It's interesting to note that just as one narcissist left my life, another entered it.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Ways in which others may exploit you during your recovery process
  • Strategies to build and maintain a positive support system
  • Reasons why you may lose some friends from your previous narcissistic relationship

Narcissistic abuse can serve as an alarm clock that awakens you to things you may have never seen before, such as being exploited by others during that period. Through this episode, I aim to underscore the significance of having a support system following narcissistic abuse while also being wary of falling prey to another narcissist. I will delve into how to navigate friendships in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse and ensure that the people around you have your best interests at heart.

Resources:

 Apr 25, 2023
Judgement From Others And Narcissistic Abuse
18:13

Receiving judgement from others about the narcissistic abuse you have experienced is unfortunately common, and it can be emotionally draining to try to explain yourself to people who may not understand the dynamics of a narcissistic relationship. Narcissistic abusers often manipulate and gaslight their victims, causing them to behave in ways that may seem unnatural in a healthy relationship. This can make it challenging to communicate to others what happened and how it feels to be judged for it. In this episode, I will share strategies to effectively communicate your experience in narcissistic relationships and navigate the judgment from others with empathy and self-care in mind.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • How to communicate your narcissistic abuse to others
  • The ways in which narcissists gaslight and manipulate
  • Why people are quick to cast judgement over your behaviour during narcissistic abuse

FREE MASTERCLASS - The Psychology Of A Narcissist: https://carolinestrawson.showit.site/psychology-of-a-narcissist-masterclass

To highlight the challenges of judgment and gaslighting in narcissistic abuse, I'll share a story in this episode about my ex-husband, who worked as an air steward, and went missing for over 8 hours after I expected him home. When he finally returned, he spun a fabricated story about saving a life to deflect from his absence. He used this to gaslight me, making me feel like I was the problem for being worried. It left me feeling confused and invalidated, a stark reminder of how narcissistic abusers distort reality and avoid accountability, leaving their victims dismissed.

Resources:

 Apr 18, 2023
What If I Am The Narcissist, Not Them?!
14:22

Many of us have asked ourselves, 'Am I the narcissist?' If you're questioning your own behavior, it's unlikely that you are a narcissist. However, understanding why you may feel this way and why a true narcissist would never ask this question can shed light on the situation, and that’s what I’m going to discuss in this episode. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • How narcissists use gaslighting to flip the script and convince you that you're the narcissist.
  • The personality traits of a narcissist.
  • The process of how individuals develop narcissism.

Gaslighting can make us believe that we're the narcissist in a relationship, especially when we're in a state of freeze due to narcissistic abuse. In this episode, I'll share strategies and mindsets to avoid falling into this trap and offer guidance for handling gaslighting. To better understand the behavior of narcissists, it's also helpful to explore how they develop in childhood, particularly if they were raised as golden children, and I hope this insight into their upbringing will help you understand that you’re not the narcissist. 

Resources:

 Apr 11, 2023
Auto Immune Disorders & Narcissistic Abuse
17:58

There is a growing body of evidence that suggests a link between narcissistic abuse and various autoimmune disorders, such as fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, and various inflammatory issues. Upon closer examination of the onset of these physical ailments, a correlation with the traumatic experiences of narcissistic abuse often arises. In this episode, I explore how our bodies utilize physical pain as a coping mechanism to divert our attention from the abuse we are enduring.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why our body uses pain as a protective mechanism
  • How emotional pain can translate into physical pain
  • Tips for reducing inflammation and alleviating the symptoms of autoimmune disorders

Additionally, I will share my personal experience with how Internal Family Systems (IFS) helped me understand that my mother's rheumatoid arthritis was likely a result of her own traumatic experiences. My ultimate goal of this episode is to empower you to identify the underlying causes of your pain so that you can begin to heal from within, rather than relying solely on medication or resigning yourself to a lifetime of suffering. It is my hope that this episode will serve as a helpful resource in this journey towards healing.

Resources:

 Apr 04, 2023
Narcissistic Abuse IS Domestic Abuse
17:18

In this episode, I dive into the word "narcissist" and why it's such a hot topic. It can be tough to talk about our experiences with narcissistic abuse because some people may shrug it off and say we're unfairly labelling someone. I'll explore why this is the case and how it impacts those of us who are suffering.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • The flaws in diagnosing narcissistic personality disorder
  • How to prioritize safety and well-being in abusive situations
  • Why using the label "narcissist" has become divisive

I’ll discuss the official process of diagnosing someone with narcissistic personality disorder and why it's severely flawed. It's essential to note that just because someone isn't diagnosed with NPD it doesn't mean they can't still exhibit abusive behavior. Abuse is abuse, and it's never okay. Whether your partner has been diagnosed or not, it's crucial to prioritize your safety and well-being. Even if those around you don't believe you, know that your experience is valid, and you deserve to be safe. I hope this episode will provide insight and support for those of you who may be struggling with narcissistic abuse.

Resources:

 Mar 28, 2023
Trauma Bonding & The Addiction To A Narcissist
14:57

In this episode, I discuss trauma bonding and what it is. Trauma bonding can be difficult to break, and many people do not understand what a trauma bond is. I talk about how I found myself in a relationship with a narcissist and how I would say things to myself like "is there something wrong with me?" I was a people pleaser and a "good person" who thought I needed everyone else to show me my worth. We end up attracting people like narcissists when we place our worth in someone's hands and we may feel good at some stages in the relationship, but eventually, things start to feel heavy. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why you may find that you can’t attract anyone BUT narcissists
  • What trauma bonding is and why you must solve it
  • How I healed myself from the narcissist addiction

Now if you’re reading this before Thursday, the 23rd of March, 2023, you’ll have time to join my FREE Masterclass called Breaking The Trauma Bond To A Narcissist. I'm going to be showing you all about what trauma bonding is. From what is a trauma bond, what happens in your brain and your body when we are trauma bonded to a narcissist, to of course the question we all want answered, how do you break it? You can find all the details to this FREE masterclass here: https://carolinestrawson.com/trauma-bond

Resources:

 Mar 21, 2023
Generational Trauma & Narcissistic Abuse
23:22

Today I’m going to explore the concept of generational trauma and how it can affect your response to traumatic events. I’ll explain the difference between intergenerational trauma and transgenerational trauma, and how the former refers to the projection of trauma from past generations onto the present, while the latter is the literal passing down of trauma at a cellular level. I also discuss my work with Somatic Experiencing and Internal Family Systems and how these tools can look at the experience of the body whilst we are going through life, and allow us to redefine our experience of what has happened in our life, as we can never change what has happened to us in the past, but what we can do is change our experience of it. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • How generational trauma impacts us in the present
  • Why healing yourself will help the next generation
  • What we can learn from Somatic Experiencing and Internal Family Systems
  • Methods to approaching your trauma and redefining it

Generational trauma has a huge impact on your body's response to current trauma and so I’ll explain the different trauma responses that you may experience, such as fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, and how each one of these responses may come up depending on how generational trauma has impacted you. It’s so important to recognize the body's natural response to danger and trauma and how it can affect your ability to cope with abusive relationships, so I hope this episode helps you in your current situation and also helps you prepare for how you can handle trauma in the future. 

Resources:

 Mar 14, 2023
Being An Empath & Narcissistic Abuse
27:58

Today I’m going to be discussing the topic of being an empath and what that means. I’ll explore the difference between being an empath and being empathic, what a co-dependent is, and how to recover from co-dependency. I’ll also discuss the negative side effects of being an empath, from how it can attract abuse from narcissists, how it causes you to take on the pain of others and how this can all lead to physical ailments.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • The difference between being an empath and being empathic
  • What you can do to reduce the pain you feel from others
  • What co-dependency is and a way to heal from it

I’ll share strategies for empaths to move from being exhausted to empowered, what you can do to separate the pain of others from your own, and how to reduce physical issues like inflammation and swelling. By sharing my personal journey, I hope to provide you with the resources and strategies you need to live your best life as an empath or co-dependent. I know that sometimes it may seem like you’ll always be stuck in a downward spiral, but I’m going to make sure you have the tools to not only recover but to also live a better life going forward. 

Resources:

 Mar 07, 2023
Covert Narcissism 101
17:35

In today's episode, I want to bring your attention to a particularly perilous type of narcissist known as the covert narcissist. Typically, we associate narcissism with individuals who are extremely extroverted and crave attention, often commanding the room's focus. However, it's crucial to note that not all extroverted people are narcissistic - this is far from the truth. The issue with covert narcissists is that they operate under the radar, making them much more difficult to detect until it's too late and you've become entangled with them. Once the relationship is established, the narcissistic abuse begins. In this episode, I'll be examining the ways in which you can spot a covert narcissist, their tactics for achieving their goals, and how to steer clear of them.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • The difference between a narcissist and a cover narcissist
  • How to spot a covert narcissist
  • Why a covert narcissist can be extremely dangerous

Knowing the various ways in which a covert narcissist behaves can help you identify them before it's too late. One of the tell-tale signs is their tendency to play the victim, refusing to take responsibility and instead blaming external factors for their situation. This behaviour is a major red flag in the early stages of a relationship with a covert narcissist. Another tactic they employ is making you feel guilty, often through expert manipulation techniques like gaslighting. They may convince you that you're solely responsible for the relationship's problems, leading you to believe that you're the one at fault. To illustrate these behaviours in real-world scenarios, I'll be sharing my own experiences with my covert narcissistic ex-husband and the warning signs I missed, as well as offering advice on how to avoid making similar mistakes.

Resources:

 Feb 28, 2023
Financial Empowerment When Divorcing A Narcissist
35:26

Today, I will be delving into the financial dimension of divorce with Rhonda Noordyk. Rhonda Noordyk, a CDFA® certified professional, specializes in guiding women through the financial complexities of divorce. She has made a name for herself by trailblazing new strategies that empower women to navigate the financial aspects of divorce with confidence. Rhonda's expertise as a financial strategist helps her clients make informed decisions and determine their best financial options going forward.

A glimpse into what you’ll learn in this episode:

  • Why you can leave an abusive relationship no matter your financial situation
  • How to be assertive whilst avoiding conflict 
  • How the divorce process can lead to post-separation financial abuse

During this discussion, Rhonda and I explore the roots of her passion for empowering women, tracing back to her childhood, 12 years in the financial industry, and experience in higher education. We delve into the unfortunate reality that many women remain in abusive relationships due to their financial circumstances. Rhonda provides invaluable insight into why it is crucial to leave an abusive relationship regardless of your finances and how you can do so. Don't miss the conclusion where Rhonda offers guidance on what steps to take if you feel trapped, scared, and uncertain about your financial situation before initiating a divorce.

Connect with Rhonda:

Resources:

 Feb 21, 2023
Valentines Day Tactics By A Narcissist
17:52

So today is Valentine's Day, and unfortunately, this can be a difficult day for those who have suffered from narcissistic abuse. While this day is meant to celebrate love, a narcissist can use it as a tool to hurt and manipulate. In this episode, I'll share strategies to help you manage the emotions you may experience on valentines day, advice on healing post-narcissistic trauma, and ways to love yourself on this special day. Also, you may have noticed a slight change in the podcast title. I have decided to include the word "abuse" in the title of the podcast again since it cannot be changed that we have suffered abuse. However, we can work on healing from the trauma caused by the abuse. By acknowledging that we have been abused and not shying away from that word, we can make progress in our trauma recovery.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • The strategies a narcissist may employ to manipulate or control you on Valentine's Day.
  • How to protect yourself on Valentine's Day and resist narcissistic abuse
  • What you can do to love yourself and practice self-care

On these special days of the year, such as valentines day, the narcissist can disappear, and this happened to me. I’ll share my story of how my partner disappeared before we were supposed to go on an exciting camping trip with my children. I’ll discuss how my ex used this opportunity to ruin a holiday to exert control over me and my children, and how you can avoid the same thing happening to you. On Valentine’s day especially, believing that you are lovable can be difficult, but it is important to remember how special and unique you are. So today I want you to practice self-care and do something that makes you feel good. Focus on the positive aspects of yourself, and show yourself some kindness. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and that you deserve to be celebrated on this special day.

Resources:

 Feb 14, 2023
How To Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances
33:55

Today I am speaking with Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson, the co-founders of Been There Got Out. Lisa is a high-conflict divorce coach and a certified domestic violence advocate who has successfully represented herself in numerous court cases. Chris, who developed the Been There Got Out podcast and manages the website and technology, is a certified high-conflict divorce coach specializing in writing high-conflict parenting plans. Both Chris and Lisa have personal experience with costly divorces, totalling over $400,000, which inspired them to coach individuals facing high-conflict relationships, divorce, custody battles, and co-parenting challenges. Their goal is to help these individuals achieve the best possible outcome in family court and beyond.

A glimpse into what you’ll learn in this episode:

  • How the court system is exacerbating post-separation abuse
  • The unknown resources (other than lawyers) available to aid you in navigating divorce
  • What to expect when navigating the court system and why "justice" may not be obtained

In this episode, Chris and Lisa delve into what to do during a divorce. They discuss putting together a plan, keeping children safe, building a legal team, comprehending the legal system, and anticipating the other party's actions to prepare for any potential challenges. They also touch on the support and guidance they offer through their coaching program, Legal Abuse Support Group, their social media community, and their upcoming book, "Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances." Their aim is to assist individuals facing these difficult circumstances in avoiding common mistakes and achieving the best possible outcome with minimal impact on themselves and their children.

Pre-Order Lisa & Chris's New Book - Been There Got Out 

Connect with Lisa & Chris:

Resources:

 Feb 07, 2023
Chronic Pain & Narcissistic Abuse
15:13

If you're experiencing physical pain, chronic illness, or fatigue, and you've suffered from narcissistic abuse, it's possible that your trauma is the root cause of these physical symptoms. In this episode, I'll discuss the connection between abuse and physical reactions, including how even mental abuse can lead to physical pain. Many individuals view chronic illness and narcissistic abuse as separate entities, but they often go hand in hand. To fully heal from chronic illness, it's necessary to address and heal from the narcissistic abuse as well.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • How physical pain can indicate that our body is trying to protect us from trauma
  • Why healing from narcissistic abuse can alleviate physical ailments
  • The role cortisol plays in how we react to narcissistic abuse

I have observed a strong link between narcissistic abuse and chronic illness not only in the communities I serve but also in my own family. I'll share my mother's story of being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and her lifelong struggle with it, and how I've come to understand that her arthritis was her body's way of protecting her from the inner pain caused by childhood abuse. I'll also delve into the connection between abuse and physical ailments such as alopecia, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, and IBS, and how cortisol can contribute to the development of these conditions.

Resources:

 Jan 31, 2023
Stepping Into Post Traumatic Growth After Narcissistic Abuse
13:41

Today, I am SO excited to share with you a way to heal from narcissistic abuse, and at the same time help people who are struggling with the same situation. My passion is to assist people like you in overcoming the trauma of narcissistic abuse. As someone who has experienced this, I understand the difficulties of retraining the mind to move past the trauma. So, my aim is to share my knowledge and techniques with you, to aid in your personal healing journey, and to equip you with the tools to support and assist others facing similar struggles. Together, we can break the cycle of trauma and pave the way for a transformative path of healing and growth.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • How to heal oneself and assist others
  • The tools to retrain yourself to take your life to the next level
  • Why helping others assists in your own healing journey

Listen in to learn how you can become a part of the world's only accredited coaching certification program that specializes in narcissistic abuse, where you’ll be able to transform your pain into a purposeful career by becoming an ICF and CPD Accredited Narcissistic Trauma Informed Coach. You can learn more by visiting this page: https://carolinestrawson.com/ntic

Resources:

 Jan 24, 2023
The Paradox Of Comedy & Narcissistic Abuse
31:04

Christa Cusack is a writer and coach who specializes in navigating the complex and challenging landscape of high-conflict narcissistic divorce. Christa has personally faced the struggles of post-separation abuse, but has found ways to cope and heal through the use of comedy writing, somatic work, self-hypnosis, reiki, and her own narcissism-informed coaching tools and methods. She has channelled her experiences into creating helpful resources such as card decks and journals, as well as books and screenplays, all with the goal of supporting and helping others in similar situations.

A glimpse into what you’ll learn in this episode:

  • Tips for infusing humour into the challenging experience of coping with narcissistic abuse
  • The link between early childhood trauma and adult responses to abuse
  • Strategies for rebuilding and creating a new life following narcissistic abuse and post-traumatic stress

In this episode, Christa delves into how she discovered the true nature of her relationship with her partner after leaving, and how she used her own intuition to navigate the trauma she faced. We'll also discuss the common tendency to keep ourselves "busy" as a means of avoiding our own intuition and how to avoid falling into that trap. Christa will also share the steps she took to rebuild her life in her 40's after experiencing the trauma of narcissistic abuse, physical illness, and post-traumatic stress.

Connect with Christa:

Resources:

 Jan 17, 2023
How Narcissistic Abuse Affects Getting Started In 2023
19:48

At this time of year, it's common to feel discouraged if we haven't made progress on our goals. Even though we may want to take action, something within us may be holding us back. In this episode, we'll explore the internal barriers that prevent us from reaching our goals and provide strategies for overcoming them and building momentum.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Strategies for getting unstuck and making progress
  • What protector parts are and how to utilize these internal resources for personal growth
  • Tools for maintaining emotional independence in the face of external influences

Ten years ago, I was trapped in narcissistic abuse and felt like there was no way out. But now, I know that it's possible to have an amazing life after recovery. One of the things that helped me get on the path to recovery was learning to listen to my mind and body. We all have different parts of ourselves - some that want to stay in, others that want to go out. Some parts that make us feel disgusted with ourselves and others that love us. It's important to understand why we have these different parts of ourselves, because even the "bad" parts are there with loving intent. In this episode, I'll share how to read the "bad" parts and see how they're trying to protect you, as well as how to make sure the "good" parts are with you more often.

Resources:

 Jan 10, 2023
New Year, New You, No Narcissist
13:22

Welcome to the start of a new year and a new beginning! In this episode, I’m focusing on how to kickstart your journey to a happier and healthier 2023. We know that time alone doesn't heal all wounds, so I’m going to be sharing a bottom-up approach to healing that empowers you to take control of your own recovery. You'll learn about the most powerful methods of self-healing and some tools and tactics to help you on your journey. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • How you can join me for FREE and kickstart your 2023 healing journey
  • Why we need to heal from a bottom-up approach instead of a top-down approach
  • How the most powerful method of healing comes from within

If you’re ready to start the new year off on the right foot and leave the narcissist behind, join me for a 3-Day FREE New Year, New You, No Narcissist Bootcamp starting on January 9th! During this Bootcamp, I'll be sharing my post-traumatic growth trifecta and my trauma-informed practice with positive psychology to help you not just survive, but thrive. We'll be exploring exercises, tools, and tactics to help you get 2023 off to a great start so you can step into post-traumatic growth. Sign up now at https://carolinestrawson.com/bootcamp and let's start this new year together!

Resources:

 Jan 03, 2023
Covert Narcissistic Abuse And A Broken Court System
35:54

Today we are joined by Houa Utech, a Trauma-Informed Coach and advocate who specializes in working with women recovering from betrayal trauma, covert narcissistic abuse, divorce, and post-separation abuse. Houa has a background in social work and has spent time volunteering in domestic violence shelters, but it wasn't until she experienced abuse in her own relationship that she fully understood the impact of this type of abuse.

A glimpse into what you’ll learn in this episode:

  • The manipulative tactics of narcissists, how they use fake empathy to achieve their goals
  • Distinguishing narcissistic abuse from unhealthy relationships
  • How to find the right support and identify a helpful professional

Houa has made it her mission to bring awareness, education, and healing resources to individuals, families, organizations, and communities, as she believes that abuse and trauma are often misunderstood, misdiagnosed, and disregarded. We’ll also delve into the flawed family court system and the efforts being made by Houa, based on her personal experience, to support those navigating this process. Houa will have her own podcast soon, This Emboldened Life, which aims to offer education, resources, survivor stories, and a sense of community for women who have experienced covert narcissistic abuse, betrayal trauma, and abuse by professionals in the family court system.

Connect with Houa:

Resources:

 Dec 20, 2022
Coping With Narcissistic Abuse Whilst Being A Special Needs Parent
41:50

In this episode, we are joined by Andrea Humeniuk, a narcissistic abuse specialist who helps women recover and thrive after narcissistic trauma and domestic abuse. Andrea shares her own story of dealing with narcissistic abuse and being the parent of a special needs child. She offers guidance and support to other women who have experienced similar trauma, helping them build resilience and find a life they never thought was possible. I hope my discussion with Andrea helps you on your own journey to recovery.

A glimpse into what you’ll learn in this episode:

  • Why you can’t blame yourself for the behaviour of a narcissist
  • The challenges and joys of raising a special needs child and what you can do to make parenting rewarding for both you and your child.
  • How to feel like you have a sense of worth in this world after suffering narcissistic abuse

Andrea also emphasizes the importance of trusting your intuition and not blaming yourself for the actions of others, especially narcissists. Additionally, she discusses the struggles parents of special needs children often face and offers advice for those in similar situations. I strongly suggest connecting with Andrea if you are currently dealing with narcissistic abuse, trying to recover from trauma, or are on the journey of raising a child with special needs.

Connect with Andrea:

Resources:

 Dec 13, 2022
Q and As & CELEBRATION TIME 3 Million Downloads!!
21:18

Welcome back to the podcast! Before we dive into the Q & A section, I want to give you all a HUGE thank you, we just passed 3 million downloads for the podcast and I’m so grateful for every single one of you. My main purpose in life is to help and support those of you who are suffering from narcissistic abuse and help you heal, so I’m grateful that this podcast has reached so many people and I hope it’s helped some of you!

But as it’s the first Tuesday of the month, it’s this month's "Ask Me Anything" where I get to answer the questions you’ve been sending in! In the AMA section, I have decided to focus on one question, as I believe it’s so important that it needs a whole episode to discuss it. That question is “How do I move forward with my life? I just feel so numb.” 

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • What functional freeze is and how to get “unfrozen”
  • How to read your emotions and discover what your body is telling you
  • The science of how our nervous system reacts to abuse and creates trauma
  • How to transition from a freeze response and get back into feeling “normal”

My aim for these episodes is to make sure I’m discussing topics that directly impact you, so I hope my answers help you in a strong recovery from narcissistic abuse. Every first Tuesday of each month is an "Ask Me Anything" episode, so please send in your questions to hello@carolinestrawson.com where we will endeavour to answer them either in these Ask Me Anything episodes or as a topic for a full episode!

Resources:

 Dec 06, 2022
Coping Strategies With The Narcissist At Christmas & The Holiday Season
18:55

It’s almost Christmas time again and the holiday season is starting to get into its swing! Because of the rapidly approaching festive season, I want to share with you how to cope with the narcissist over the next month as it’s very common for the narcissist to ramp up their aggressiveness at this time of the year. From dealing with Christmas dinners with a narcissist to who has the kids for certain events, the holiday season can be really demanding for those who have to deal with a narcissist, so listen in so you can learn how you can cope over the holidays. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • How to minimize the time you spend with a narcissist over the holidays
  • Ways to stop the narcissist from getting their supply 
  • The traps narcissists will set under the guise of holiday spirit

I’ll also discuss how to set up a new communication method if you need to communicate with a narcissistic person without letting them back into your life. I hope this episode helps you prepare and plan for a great holiday time and helps you stop the narcissist in their tracks so they can’t ruin your festivities.

Resources:

 Nov 29, 2022
The Complexities of Being A Muslim Woman With A Trauma History
31:24

Noshiela Maqsood is a mum of 5 children. She is a 3× best selling author, Master Coach, and NLP Trainer. She empowers Muslim women to heal their inner wounds and become generational change-makers. Escaping a prison sentence taught her about her self-worth, boundaries, and how much she needed to make her mental and emotional well-being a priority. She quit being a people pleaser and started saying yes to herself! After her own healing journey, overcoming depression and anxiety, she committed herself to helping women find the light within themselves. She has helped women around the world heal their inner wounds and has helped many start their own coaching businesses. She is determined to spread her message of empowering women far and wide.

A glimpse into what you’ll learn in this episode:

  • Why many Muslim women are struggling with trauma
  • What rejection wounds are
  • How to find self-acceptance

Noshiela is in my high-performance healing mastermind and her mission is so powerful that I knew I had to have her on the podcast. In this episode, we discuss how Muslim women are treated in their culture and how it leads to many women having trauma, and what Noshiela is doing to change this. We’ll learn about Noshiela’s upbringing and how it influences her life today and how the Muslim family environment influenced Noshiela’s view on the world and on her own healing. We’ll also discuss how our own self-talk can determine our own beliefs and how to get out of a negative mindset and into a recovery and healing mindset.

Connect with Noshiela:

Resources:

 Nov 22, 2022
Tina Swithin: One Mom’s Battle
39:39

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist and are looking to leave and go through the family court system or you’re currently in that court system, you MUST listen to this episode. Today's guest is Tina Swithin. Tina is the author of Divorcing a Narcissist (4-part series), founder of One Mom’s Battle, and creator of Family Court Awareness Month. She is also a founding member of the National Safe Parents Organization. Tina Swithin acted as her own attorney in a custody case that spanned six years and during this time, her children were repeatedly placed in harm's way. Tina was successful in terminating her ex-husband’s parental rights and while she is considered one of the “lucky ones,” however, for anyone to hear her story and deem her as lucky speaks volumes about the brokenness of the system. Tina works to raise awareness of the issues in the family court system and to educate the general public on post-separation abuse and narcissistic abuse.

A glimpse into what you’ll learn in this episode:

  • Why the family court system is broken and how to navigate it
  • How to deal with post-separation abuse
  • Ways to bring more awareness to narcissistic abuse

You’ll hear Tina’s story of her experience with a narcissistic partner and the hurdles she had to jump over to go through the family court system, which has now led her to become an advocate for bringing awareness to post-separation abuse and the broken family court system. I decided to release this episode in the month of November, as November is Family Court Awareness Month, a movement that Tina created to shine a light on how broken court systems are around the world. 

Connect with Tina and learn more about bringing awareness to the broken court system:

Resources:

 Nov 15, 2022
Brainspotting, Narcissistic Abuse & Trauma Healing
01:06:12

I’m SO excited to welcome Dr. Mark Grixti onto the show this week to discuss what Brainspotting is and how it has helped people heal from narcissistic abuse and trauma. Mark is a psychologist, author, fellow podcast host, and the head of Brainspotting UK. Mark and I work collaboratively on my trauma-informed & narcissistic trauma-informed certifications where Mark does an internal Brainspotting training with us. I can’t wait for you to listen to this episode as I truly believe that Brainspotting and the work it does can help hundreds of thousands of people dealing with trauma. 

A glimpse into what you’ll learn in this episode:

  • What Brainspotting is and why it’s a great treatment for trauma 
  • How to stop suppressing our emotions and start expressing them
  • Tools to interconnect with others and use relationships to heal

In this episode, we discuss everything from what exactly Brainspotting is, why it’s a great treatment for trauma, and how Mark uses it in his practice, to how our brains have the capacity to heal built in and how we can tap into that natural response. Mark will go into detail about how Brainspotting uses our visual systems as a method of healing and why we need to stop suppressing our emotions and start expressing them. Near the end of the episode, we do a deep dive into how important relationships are, whether family, friends, or partners. We’ll discover the physiological epigenetic responses we gain from relationships and how to nurture healthy connections with others. 

Connect with Mark:

Resources:

 Nov 08, 2022
Ask Me Anything: November ‘22
29:28

Today’s episode is this month's "Ask Me Anything" where I get to answer the questions you’ve been sending in! In the AMA section of this episode, I discuss topics ranging from discovering a more definitive way of diagnosing a narcissist to how trauma can build up and eventually turn a person into a narcissist. I’ll also discuss why a narcissist will never apologise and take ownership of their actions and my stories of how my narcissistic ex-husband gained narcissistic supply by showing fake empathy.

If you’re listening to this at the start of November ‘22, make sure you join my FREE "Inside The Mindset of a Narcissist" Masterclass on Sunday, 6th November! You can sign up here: https://go.carolinestrawson.com/masterclass

Questions in this episode include:

  • Am I the narcissist?
  • Why does a narcissist never apologise?
  • If someone shows empathy, does this mean they can't be a narcissist?

My aim for these episodes is to make sure I’m discussing topics that directly impact you, so I hope my answers help you in a strong recovery from narcissistic abuse. Every first Tuesday of each month is an "Ask Me Anything" episode, so please send in your questions to hello@carolinestrawson.com where we will endeavor to answer them either in these Ask Me Anything episodes or as a topic for a full episode!

Resources:

 Nov 01, 2022
Stepping Out of Financial Abuse and into Freedom with Heather Black
45:12

In this episode, I talk to Heather Black who is in my High-Performance Healing Mastermind and is passionate about helping parents get back into the workplace so they can parent with flexibility and create a new, lucrative career for themselves. When I left my narcissistic partner, I had suffered from financial abuse, and as a result, I lost my house and was severely in debt. If you are feeling stuck, have been financially abused, and feel like there is no way out of your financial situation like I once did, this episode is a must-listen.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • How to earn financial independence by doing something you love
  • The tools to create a flexible and rewarding career
  • Why you can recover from financial abuse and how to create freedom

Heather is the founder and CEO of Supermums. She is the mum of two gorgeous little girls and lives by the sea in East Sussex whilst working remotely. In 2010 she became an accidental Salesforce admin for her non-profit and loved it so much that she decided to upskill as a Salesforce Consultant in 2012 helping other non-profits to implement a CRM. She realised her career path could work for other mothers so she launched Supermums in 2016 to bring more women into the sector. As a consultant, she has overseen over 700 Salesforce projects and now enjoys upskilling talent in Salesforce consultancy and coaching skills.

Connect with Heather:

Resources:

 Oct 25, 2022
Does the Narcissist Call You a Narcissist?
17:22

Have you ever wondered if you’re the narcissist in the relationship? If so, this episode will put an end to those thoughts. There are subtle differences between having a narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic traits, in this episode I’ll explain the behaviours of these two types of people and what actually makes a person a narcissist. I also want to say a quick shout-out to all of you who came to my Unseen Wounds of Women event last week. You all made it such a special event for me, I’m so grateful for all of you.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Narcissistic traits vs narcissistic personality disorder
  • How to create an environment that will help you heal
  • Why a narcissist will never take ownership and responsibility

It isn’t uncommon for people to mirror the behaviour of a narcissist to soften the abuse, and due to this it’s sometimes hard to see which person is the narcissist at first, but with a little digging, it’s easy to see who the REAL narcissist is. I hope this episode provides you with the tools to find the right people to help you grow and how to let go of the “friends” that are keeping you stuck.

Resources:

 Oct 18, 2022
Helping YOU Step Into Post-Traumatic Growth with Kim Pontarelli
34:04

In this episode, I interview Kim Pontarelli, one of my trained Trauma Informed Coaches who specialises in covert narcissism, helping women step into post-traumatic growth. In this episode, Kim discusses how she has turned her own pain and struggle into her purpose and her strength. Kim also shares with us what post-traumatic growth is and how to take responsibility for your life going forward whilst stopping yourself from blaming yourself for the past.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • What post-traumatic growth is and how can you achieve it
  • How to get out of the cycle of blaming yourself 
  • The differences between overt and covert narcissists
  • How to set a goal of personal growth and work towards achieving it. 

Tune in to the end to hear Kim share what it’s like to be in the dark, and why you need to know that you can get out of it! Kim knows that you can thrive, as she is now living a meaningful life and for the first time ever, she feels like she is actually living. Finally, Kim also discusses what reactive abuse is, and how you can work on yourself to stop reacting negatively, but also not blaming yourself if you do lash out. 

Connect with Kim:

Resources:

 Oct 11, 2022
Ask Me Anything: October ‘22
36:05

Today’s episode is this month's "Ask Me Anything" where I get to answer the questions you’ve been sending in! Firstly, I want to express how grateful I am to all of you who’ve supported my new book and the brave women who shared their stories in it. In the AMA section of this episode, I discuss topics ranging from feeling so stuck that it seems there’s no way forward to why your children are starting to replicate the narcissistic behaviours of your ex. I’ll also discuss how to get over the fear of dating again and how to be intentional with your healing so that you can recover from narcissistic abuse quicker and stronger.

Questions in this episode include:

  • Why do I feel so stuck?
  • How to parent an adult child through narcissistic abuse?
  • I am too scared to date again, how can I overcome my fear?

My aim for these episodes is to make sure I’m discussing topics that directly impact you, so I hope my answers help you in a strong recovery from narcissistic abuse. Every first Tuesday of each month is an "Ask Me Anything" episode, so please send in your questions to hello@carolinestrawson.com where we will endeavor to answer them either in these Ask Me Anything episodes or as a topic for a full episode!

Resources:

 Oct 04, 2022
The Unseen Wounds of Women After Narcissistic Abuse
22:27

I am so excited to share with you some BIG NEWS! I have a new book out called The Unseen Wounds of Women. and I can’t wait for you to get your hands on it. So, in this episode, I’ll share with you why I wrote the book and what I hope it can do for you in your path to recovery from trauma. 

You can find The Unseen Wounds of Women here: https://bit.ly/unseenwoundsofwomen

What you will learn in this episode:

  • The story of how I broke the chain of generational trauma
  • What you MUST know about healing from trauma caused by a narcissist
  • How you can win a FREE place in my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme

My new book is about the women who dared to be vulnerable and shared how they allowed the unseen to be visible and realised that they held the key to their invisible cage. Healing their unseen wounds not only healed themselves, but it broke the generational cycle of trauma. Each chapter is a story from a woman in my Embodied Self Leadership Mastermind, and the first chapter is my story. My hope is that you can take these stories and see that no matter how dark the place you’re currently in is, there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel, you just may need to be pointed in the right direction first. 

To celebrate the release of my new book, I’m running a competition where YOU could win a FREE spot on my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme. All you have to do is:

  1. Purchase the book
  2. Leave a testimonial
  3. Tag me in a post on Instagram and Facebook.

The competition runs until Friday the 30th of September 2022 10 pm UK time and the winners will be announced on Monday the 3rd of October via direct message to win one of the 10 places on the Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme.

Resources:

 Sep 27, 2022
Narcissistic Relationships, Trauma & Polyvagal Theory
20:28

Do you ever wonder why you react in the way you do and wish that you had a positive response instead of what always seems to be a negative response? If so, tune in, as in this episode I’ll break down Polyvagal Theory and how it teaches us how and why our responses are often automatic. By knowing how our nervous system controls our responses, we can start to point ourselves in the direction of growth by integrating a recovery programme that can change how we feel for the better. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • What Polyvagal Theory is and how your vagus nerve regulates your reactions
  • The science behind trusting your gut
  • How cortisol and adrenaline play a role in your perception of narcissistic abuse

I’ll also discuss how you can use the traffic light system to define where you are in your trauma recovery. At the end of the day, I want you to know how you can turn your pain into your purpose, and by learning more about your nervous system, you’ll be able to create a recovery plan to influence how your nervous system can help you for the better. If you want to learn about these topics on a much greater scale, you can check out my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme here: https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

Resources:

 Sep 20, 2022
Survivor Stories: Sarada Rao
43:06

In this Survivor Stories episode, you’ll meet Sarada Rao, a Narcissistic Abuse Survivor and one of my students in my Accredited Narcissistic Trauma Informed Coaching Certification who is driven to help women from the South Asian Community. We’ll discover how Sarada is turning her pain and struggle into her purpose and strength to help women from the South East Asian community to recognise narcissistic abuse and recover from it.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Sarada’s story of recovery from narcissistic parents to an arranged marriage with a narcissist
  • How the South East Asian culture creates abuse and narcissism
  • What post-separation abuse is and how to deal with it

Sarada discusses how she discovered what narcissism is after a childhood of narcissistic abuse from her parents which led to an arranged marriage with a narcissist. Then throughout the episode, we’ll see where Sarada is now, so that women, especially those from the South East Asian community, can see what the light at the end of the tunnel can look like in terms of recovery from narcissistic abuse. 

Connect with Sarada:

 

 

Resources:

 

 Sep 13, 2022
Ask Me Anything: September ‘22
23:22

Today’s episode is this month's "Ask Me Anything" where I get to answer the questions you’ve been sending in! In this episode, I discuss topics ranging from why you may be struggling to find the energy to exercise because of a trauma response, to the number #1 thing that you can do to get back into dating. I’ll also discuss how to stop your children from developing narcissistic behaviours when they spend time with your narcissistic ex-partner and if a narcissist can actually be cured.

Questions in this episode include:

  • Why is it so hard to find any energy and exercise?
  • My 7-year-old son is exhibiting narcissistic behaviours...Help!!
  • Can you cure a narcissist?
  • How can I start dating again after the narcissist?

My aim for these episodes is to make sure I’m discussing topics that directly impact you, so I hope my answers help you in a strong recovery from narcissistic abuse. Every first Tuesday of each month is an "Ask Me Anything" episode, so please send in your questions to hello@carolinestrawson.com where we will endeavour to answer them either in these Ask Me Anything episodes or as a topic for a full episode!

Resources:

 Sep 06, 2022
What a Narcissist Looks for in a Partner
17:13

Have you left a narcissist and want to get back into dating, but are now scared you may fall into a relationship with another narcissist? If so, this episode is for you. Dating can be hard for anyone, but it’s particularly difficult, and even traumatic, for those of us who have been in a narcissistic relationship. In this episode, I’ll help you rediscover your confidence to start dating again by showing you what a narcissist looks for in a partner, so you can avoid those “attractive to a narcissist” behaviours. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • The traits narcissists will look for in you
  • How to see the early warning signs of a narcissistic personality
  • What steps you can take to safely start dating again

I’ll also discuss how there are many types of narcissists, from covert to overt, grandiose to vulnerable, as it’s important to recognise what type of narcissists are out there to improve your chances of avoiding them. I hope that with the information in this episode, you can move from post-traumatic stress to post-traumatic growth and find yourself in a happy and functional relationship going forward. 

Resources:

 Aug 30, 2022
5 Signs of Love Bombing From A Narcissist
16:24

Have you been in a narcissistic relationship and are now scared to jump back into the dating scene for fears of ending up with another narcissist? If so, this episode is for you. By getting back into dating, we further our path to recovery, so it’s important to prepare ourselves for dating and to avoid falling into a narcissist's trap. One of the ways to avoid narcissists is to understand how they use love bombing to entice you into a relationship. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • What love bombing is and how to see the red flags 
  • How to start dating again whilst avoiding narcissists
  • What co-dependency is and how protector parts work inside of us

We must remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel! There is hope. We may date some more narcissists along the way, but I hope with the information in this episode you can avoid them and end up growing into a great relationship. 

Resources:

 Aug 23, 2022
Survivor Stories: Enmeshment To Empowerment From A Narcissistic Mother
30:36

In today’s episode, I hear Aneela Mehkri’s story of how she knew that something was always wrong with her mum, but she didn’t know it was Narcissism until she was 30. We’ll learn how a household of dysfunction, arguments, and fights led to Aneela discovering what narcissism is and how it impacted her life emotionally, mentally, and physically.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • What Enmeshment is and how it plays a role in Aneela’s life.
  • How to learn to trust your feelings and listen to your body.
  • Why abuse is abuse. Just because they’re family, it doesn’t excuse abuse.

Aneela discusses how her mother and the culture in Pakistan caused her to have insecurity growing up by teaching her to not discuss what was happening inside her household with other families and friends. We’ll then learn how Aneela got on the pathway to recovery from her mother's narcissism and the wounds it caused, and how she is now helping others heal from narcissistic abuse with her work as a Humanistic Integrative Therapist.

Connect with Aneela:

Resources:

 Aug 16, 2022
Body Shaming & Narcissistic Abuse
23:27

Have you ever said to yourself “I feel so stupid… I’m so fat… I’m so ugly?” If so, you’re not alone. I used to say those words to myself all the time, I felt disgusted at myself and I definitely didn’t want to look at my body in the mirror. This was all happening whilst I was married to my narcissistic ex-husband, he had deeply impacted my sense of self and my physical appearance is what I honed in on.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why we can body shame ourselves whilst being in a narcissistic relationship.
  • How to stop negative self talk and start to love ourselves.
  • What IFS is (internal family systems) and how it can be extremely powerful in creating transformation in each one of us. 

Body shaming can be a huge part of narcissistic abuse, because we’ll blame ourselves for what’s happening and take it out on ourself. My hope for this episode is that I can put you on the right track to love yourself and feel comfortable in your own body in the process of healing from narcissistic abuse. 

Here is the link to book your FREE call with one of my Narcissistic Abuse Ambassadors to get your very own Personalised Healing Map with the steps to start your healing journey with where you are right now: https://go.carolinestrawson.com/personalised-healing-map-call

Resources:

 Aug 09, 2022
Ask Me Anything: August ‘22
49:00

Today’s episode is this month's "Ask Me Anything" where I get to answer the questions you’ve been sending in! In this episode, I discuss topics ranging from why people struggle to leave abusive relationships to why your sex drive is low after dating a narcissist. I’ll also do a deep dive on how we become addicted to the chemicals inside our brain and why we may stay in an abusive relationship to seek out those feel-good chemicals.

Questions in this episode include:

  • Why can't I just leave?
  • How do I know I am not a narcissist?
  • How to support your children when your ex-narcissist introduces a new supply?
  • Why am I still not interested in sex after breaking up from a narcissist?

My aim for these episodes is to make sure I’m discussing topics that directly impact you, so I hope my answers help you in a strong recovery from narcissistic abuse. Every first Tuesday of each month is an "Ask Me Anything" episode, so please send in your questions to hello@carolinestrawson.com where we will endeavour to answer them either in these Ask Me Anything episodes or as a topic for a full episode!

Resources:

 

 

 Aug 02, 2022
Anger At The Cheating Narcissist
20:23

Anger is one of the biggest emotions I see directed at the narcissist, and sometimes even more at the other woman or man that your narcissistic partner has cheated with. In this episode, I will discuss what happens inside our body and brain when anger is building up and why it’s important to know how to deal with this emotion so that we can start to heal from our past traumas. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Where anger comes from and how to deal with it
  • How anger played a role in my relationship with a narcissist
  • The role our inner child wounds play in our healing process

Anger certainly showed its face when I was dealing with my narcissistic ex-husband, and thankfully I was able to direct the emotions I was feeling to help me through the healing process. It’s important that we know how to direct these emotions. I hope this episode and discussion around anger will help you along your healing journey, as what builds inside of us as an emotion can eventually lead to real physical illnesses. 

Resources:

 Jul 26, 2022
Survivor Stories with Devena Simon
01:06:20

In today’s episode, I hear Devena Simon’s story of how she navigated her healing journey from being in a relationship with a narcissist. In this new series, I will be having conversations with people who have survived narcissistic abuse. My hope is that I can bring you examples of what happens within narcissistic relationships so that you can know how to react and survive if you happen to experience the same things. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • What reactive abuse is and how it played a part in Devena suffering from trauma
  • How to deal with financial abuse
  • Lessons to convert post narcissistic trauma to post-trauma growth 

Devena describes how her high school sweetheart turned into her narcissist. We’ll discover the warning signs that she wished she had seen when she first met her boyfriend, and she’ll share how she has managed to live a better life by healing from her narcissistic trauma. Devena hopes that her experience with a narcissist can help you avoid the same pitfalls, whilst mending bridges and rebuilding your life. 

 

Connect with Devena:

 

Resources:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Jul 19, 2022
The Mother Wound of Narcissistic Abuse with Brooke Bownes
32:15

In today's episode, I am interviewing Brooke Bownes who is a Trauma-Informed Therapist and Coach, specialising in helping women heal their mother wounds associated with narcissistic abuse, she is also a valued member of my Embodied SELF Leadership Mastermind. I have no first-hand experience with a narcissistic parent, so I thought this would be a great opportunity to have Brooke on the show to discuss her experiences with her narcissistic mother. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • What a mother wound is and how to heal from it
  • Why having a narcissistic parent can lead you to be in a relationship with a narcissist
  • The healing methods of recovering from a narcissistic parent

Brooke was so kind to share her story about her narcissistic mother, from how she was treated as a child to the moment she realised that her mother was actually a narcissist. Brooke discusses how she managed to get on the path of healing herself to avoid passing on any narcissistic traits to her own children. I hope that these conversations will help you on your healing journey and perhaps they’ll make you see why people behave in the way they do.

Guest Resources:

UK link: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09DX7PB11 

US link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09DX7PB11

Resources:

 Jul 12, 2022
Ask Me Anything: July ‘22
28:51

Today’s episode is this month's "Ask Me Anything" where I get to answer the questions you’ve been sending in! I’ve received so many questions from you since our first “AMA” last month and I’m so happy that we can engage in this way. In this episode, I discuss topics ranging from why people don’t believe your story about a narcissist to how to deal with a trauma bond. I’ve tried to pick the questions that I believe will relate to the majority of you. 

Questions in this episode include:

  • What to do when no one believes you
  • How to stop thinking about the narcissist when you have broken up
  • How to finally move on if you have felt stuck for years
  • What to do after you have worked on your healing

My aim for these episodes is to make sure I’m discussing topics that directly impact you, so I hope my answers help you in a strong recovery from narcissistic abuse. Every first Tuesday of each month is an "Ask Me Anything" episode, so please send in your questions to hello@carolinestrawson.com where we will endeavor to answer them either in these Ask Me Anything episodes or as a topic for a full episode! 

Resources:

 Jul 05, 2022
Promiscuity and the Narcissist
21:04

Our mind and body can act in unusual ways after leaving a narcissist, and it’s vital to know why we may be showing behaviours that didn’t appear before. One of those behaviours can be extreme promiscuity, and that’s what I want to discuss in today’s episode of The Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Podcast. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why our promiscuity can come out after leaving a narcissistic partner
  • How being promiscuous can help heal our inner wounds
  • The reasons why our protector parts show up in unusual ways

Promiscuity after leaving a narcissist can occur because it’s our protector part of our nervous system trying to tackle our trauma head-on. Our inner wounds of not feeling good enough & feeling responsible for the relationship with the narcissist causes trauma which can lead to issues with our promiscuity. So in this episode, I discuss why our promiscuity can suddenly appear and the real meaning of it. Feel free to send me a message via my socials or through hello@carolinestrawson.com so we can discuss why promiscuity may be showing up for you. 

Resources:

 Jun 28, 2022
5 Ways To Ignore The Narcissists Fantasies On Special Occasions
30:10

With it being fathers day this past weekend, I wanted to share some top tips on how you can cope through special occasions, such as birthdays, Christmas, and family events when there’s a narcissist involved. On big occasions, narcissists will often guilt trip you to connect with them, and you may even feel like you should give them another chance. It’s important to not fall into their trap, so in this episode, I’ll give you five ways to ignore the narcissist on special occasions.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Tactics from blocking out the narcissist, to controlling our own emotions.
  • How narcissists use special occasions to prey on those they want to control.
  • Why our nervous system reacts in the way it does leading up to these events.

These special events can be a great opportunity to take back your power, to show the narcissist that you will not be drawn back to them and that they won’t get their narcissistic supply from you. So use the methods I discuss to expand the gap between you and the narcissist and to make it incredibly difficult or impossible for them to reconnect with you.

Resources:

 Jun 21, 2022
The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle Explained
24:07

A narcissist will always need their narcissistic supply, and as they look for their next hit, the narcissistic abuse cycle will continue. In this episode, I will discuss what the narcissistic abuse cycle is and how we may find ourselves in it. From love bombing, to gaslighting, to straight-up abuse, the narcissistic abuse cycle can be incredibly damaging, so my hope with this episode is that you can identify what stage of the cycle you’re in and how to get out of it. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Are you destined to be in a narcissistic relationship?
  • Why you must stop feeling guilty and how to break the narcissistic abuse cycle
  • How narcissists will manipulate you to get their narcissistic supply

I discuss how I fell into the narcissistic abuse cycle and why I ended up with a narcissist based on my childhood experiences. I hope that my experience can help you understand why you may be going through the narcissistic abuse cycle. It’s also important to know that the narcissistic abuse cycle isn’t always a downwards trajectory where each stage is worse than the last. Sometimes the narcissist will love bomb again to get what they need. This is why it’s called a cycle. 

Resources:

 

 Jun 14, 2022
100th Episode Celebration: Ask Me Anything
48:37

It is time to celebrate YOU! We have hit over 2 million downloads now and appreciate each and every one of you. Today's episode is also the 100th episode, so it is a DOUBLE CELEBRATION, and today is all about "Ask Me Anything" where many of you have been sending in questions and these get answered. For this episode, I’ve tried to pick the questions that I believe will relate to the majority of you. 

Questions in this episode include:

  • Was the relationship ever real?
  • How can I help my children who look like they are following in their fathers narcissistic traits?
  • My husband is copying his narcissistic mother, so is he now a narcissist?
  • How do I deal with flying monkeys?
  • Why is a narcissist not like this with everyone?

These questions and more are all answered in this extended episode. Every first Tuesday of each month will now be an "Ask Me Anything" episode, so please send in your questions to hello@carolinestrawson.com where we will endeavour to answer them either in these Ask Me Anything episodes or as a topic for a full episode! 

Resources:

 Jun 07, 2022
The Fawn Trauma Response To A Narcissist
23:35

Fight, flight and freeze are common trauma responses, but there’s a fourth called Fawn which is often experienced when dealing with a narcissist. These trauma responses are controlled by your nervous system and are typically out of your control, you will respond in the present based on what you have experienced in the past. So, in this episode, I discuss the science behind trauma responses and why this often uncontrollable reaction is designed to keep you safe.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why we have trauma responses built into us and what causes them to be triggered
  • What the fawn trauma response is and the correlation to narcissistic abuse
  • How my nervous system reacted to narcissistic abuse

I break down how each trauma response works and how they impact your behaviour, from short term reactions to long term behaviour changes.

If you’re listening to this episode close to its release date, I would love to hear what questions you would like to hear me answer! In episode 100, I will be answering your questions! So, feel free to email me at hello@carolinestrawson.com with your questions and I’ll hopefully be able to answer them in my next episode.

Resources:

 

 May 31, 2022
Sex, Porn & the Narcissist
21:42

There is a correlation between the consumption of pornography, watching sex, and engaging in sex with narcissistic personality types. So, in this episode, I discuss how these habits can impact a relationship and what you can do to ensure you don’t become manipulated by a narcissist's desires. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why narcissists are often addicted to porn and sex
  • How a narcissist will gaslight you into doing something you don’t want to
  • Methods to noticing what a narcissist is doing and how to create an exit strategy

I explore how porn addiction can lead to a narcissist gaslighting you, why you may be forced to loosen your boundaries because of your involuntary survival responses, and how porn soothes a narcissist's inner wounds. I hope this episode helps you realise what your narcissistic partner is doing so that you can plan toward a healthy exit strategy.

Resources:

 May 24, 2022
The Telltale Signs of a Covert Narcissist
23:47

Covert narcissists are quite often the most dangerous, so it’s imperative that you know how to spot one. So, in this episode, I will share the telltale signs of a covert narcissist, from how they act in public compared to in private, to the passive-aggressive behaviours that they’ll show. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why covert narcissists are the most dangerous
  • How to safely cut off the narcissistic supply that you may be giving
  • What codependency is and why it plays a role in the covert narcissist

Covert narcissists will act as the nicest person possible when in front of your friends and family, so that when you go to them for help, your family and friends will not believe you as you’ll be explaining a completely different person to what they’re used to. So, the first thing you need to know is that I believe you and that you also need to believe yourself, as finding a support structure is so important to getting the ball rolling on dealing with a covert narcissist. 

Resources:

 

 May 17, 2022
6 Ways A Narcissist Creates Reactive Abuse
21:09

Narcissists will attempt to put the blame on you for a fractured relationship by causing you to lash out, this is called Reactive Abuse and whilst there is so much in the public domain at the moment with court cases like Johnny Depp V Amber Heard (the only winners here are the lawyers), it is an ideal opportunity to learn and educate ourselves about the devastating effects. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • What reactive abuse is
  • How to deal with a situation where reactive abuse is happening
  • Why you cannot blame yourself if you lash out when a narcissist is pushing your buttons

In this episode, I will discuss the tactics narcissists use to perpetrate reactive abuse, and how to deal with a situation where reactive abuse is happening. Narcissists will often use your lashing out to blame YOU for the problems in the relationship, so I hope this episode will help you understand that your lashing out is not your fault. 

Resources:

 

 

 

  • My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/
 May 10, 2022
Being An Empath, A Codependent & In A Fawn Trauma Response Explained
17:12

I was scrolling on Instagram when I discovered a post about empaths and found that the comments were extremely judgemental, saying that empaths do not exist. So, in this episode, I discuss what an empath is and share the scientific evidence that proves empaths are real. As well as discussing empaths, I discuss what being a codependent is and I also share what the fourth trauma response is. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why being an empath is different from having empathy
  • The scientific difference between empaths and narcissists 
  • How you can go from being an exhausted empath to an empowered empath

After discussing empaths, I dive into what a codependent is, why childhood trauma can turn you into a codependent, and how you can become a recovered codependent, then I’ll share that there is a fourth trauma response state. You have fight, flight and freeze, as well as the fawn response, so I’ll explore what this response is and why narcissitic abuse can lead to having this response. 

Resources:

 May 03, 2022
5 Ways To Recognise You're Living With A Narcissist
19:44

Do you have an inkling that you may be living with a narcissist? It could be your partner, a housemate or even a member of your family. Your suspicion may be correct, so in this episode, I’m going to share 5 ways to recognise if you’re living with a narcissist. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • The common behaviours of a narcissist 
  • How covert narcissists differ from overt narcissists
  • Ways to navigate around a narcissist so you can distance yourself 

It’s so important to know that you’re living with a narcissist, because once you know who it is you’re living with, you’ll have a better chance of being able to deal with them. I’ll discuss common narcissistic behaviours, from how they interact with different people to the emotions they show. Reach out to me through support@carolinestrawson.com or message me on Facebook & Instagram so that we can bring you into our community to help you deal with what you are going through.

Resources:

 Apr 26, 2022
Chronic Pain & Narcissistic Abuse
20:50

It is estimated that over 20% of a country's population is suffering from chronic pain, and often the root cause of the pain is unknown. However, for those suffering from emotional trauma, such as being in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, chronic pain can be a symptom of that emotional trauma. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why your chronic physical pain could be caused by emotional trauma
  • How your body reacts to traumatic situations and what issues that can cause
  • The methods to solving chronic pain by analysing your inner emotional wounds

In this episode, I’m going to discuss how our body deals with narcissistic abuse and why your emotional pain can often manifest itself as physical pain. The knowledge of how your brain, nervous system and body react to emotional trauma can be the key to being able to solve chronic pain, so I hope this episode can help you understand why you may be feeling the way you do. 

Resources:

 

 

 

  • My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/
 Apr 19, 2022
Your Inner Critic & Narcissistic Abuse
16:13

Your inner critic can often become overwhelming and we will perceive it to be having a negative impact on us. However, if we redefine what the inner critic is, we can start to learn what it is really there for and how to use it to identify and overcome our inner wounds. 

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why we have an inner critic and what role it plays
  • How to identify and overcome your inner wounds
  • Why you should perceive your inner critic as a good thing

In this episode I will discuss how to deal with your inner critic by identifying and overcoming your inner wounds as well as why we have an inner critic, because you aren’t a critical person, there’s a part of you that is designed to be critical to be able to help you overcome your past.

Resources:

 Apr 12, 2022
Trauma Bonding & Addiction To The Narcissist
13:11

Join my FREE Masterclass on "The 4 Stages Of Trauma Bonding With A Narcissist" - Register here and you will be sent a recording if you can't make it LIVE https://go.carolinestrawson.com/nticc-masterclass-organic

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I want you to understand why you feel the way you do with a narcissist, and I hope this episode and my FREE Masterclass this Thursday (April 7th, 2022) will help shine a light on your feelings and how to break a trauma bond and cure your addiction to a narcissist.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Why we become physiologically addicted to being in a relationship
  • How to break a trauma bond and end your addiction to a narcissist
  • The biology behind narcissistic addiction

Becoming addicted to a narcissist and the hormones you get from being in a relationship is not your fault. Your body is designed to react in certain ways to protect you, but you must know how this biology works so that you can end your narcissistic addiction safely.

Resources:

 Apr 05, 2022
The 2 Things That Will Hurt The Narcissist the Most
22:16

Narcissists love to have everything go their way, so when they don’t have that control, they can start to be negatively impacted. A narcissist not having control can open up a way for you to exit your relationship with them. In this episode, I will share the story of how my relationship with a narcissist came to an end and how I learned what a narcissist reacts to negatively.

 

What you will learn in this episode:



  • How I dealt with my narcissistic ex and how he reacted to my success
  • The two things a narcissist will be hurt by and why they hate to give up control
  • Why narcissists react negatively to seeing others succeed

 

I hope this episode helps you mold your relationship with a narcissist to a point where you can leave the relationship so that you can begin to transform and heal yourself. Narcissists will always be hurt by the two things I will share with you in this episode, so listen carefully. 

 

Resources:

 

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. 

 

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS PODCAST, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE PODCAST AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT

 

 

 Mar 29, 2022
5 Types of Financial Abuse By A Narcissist
19:05

There are many facets of narcissistic abuse, and one of the most controlling forms of abuse is financial & economic abuse. In this episode, I will share my experience of dealing with financial abuse and how you can avoid falling into this situation and also find resources and places to go to if you are currently dealing with financial abuse.

 

What you will learn in this episode:



  • The ways a narcissist can abuse you by leveraging your financial situation
  • How to find help and the legalities of financial abuse
  • Why you may face financial abuse after seperating from a narcissist

 

Financial abuse is one of the most potent ways a narcissist can control you, so learning how to avoid it or get out of it is pivotal in finding a life of freedom. I hope that my story and the knowledge of the 5 main types of financial abuse will help you in your situation.

 

Resources:



 

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. 

 

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS PODCAST, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE PODCAST AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT

 

 

 Mar 22, 2022
The 7 Signs to Help You Spot a Covert Narcissist
17:52

The overt narcissist we see, but the covert narcissist is much more subtle and a lot harder to recognize, so in this episode, I am going to walk you through the common warning signs to look for if you have a feeling you may be dealing with a narcissist. 

 

What you will learn in this episode:

 

  • Why some narcissists fly under the radar and how to spot them
  • How narcissists deflect and use a victim mindset to make you feel bad for them
  • What to do when your friends and family don’t believe your partner is a narcissist

 

Spotting a covert narcissist is so important, because the person you meet in public who comes across as friendly can be an entirely different person behind closed doors. So I hope this episode helps you avoid dealing with a narcissist in the future, and also helps those of you who are currently dealing with a covert narcissist. 

 

Resources:

 

 

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. 

 

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS PODCAST, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE PODCAST AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT

 Mar 15, 2022
7 Things A Narcissist Will Never Do
18:45

There are things a narcissist will absolutely never do, and you need to know what they are so you don’t sit around waiting for an apology or for their behavior to change. So in this episode, I’m going to discuss the 7 things a narcissist will never do and how you can spot these behaviors.

 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:



  • What emotions a narcissist will display and what they’re trying to get out of them
  • How narcissists will avoid certain behaviors and how to spot this
  • Why you have to stop waiting for their personality to change

 

I know there are people out there who are waiting for their partner to apologize (I was one of them once), so I hope this episode will shine a light on why a narcissist will NEVER show real positive behaviors and empathy that could lead them to apologizing. 

 

Resources:



 

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. 

 

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS PODCAST, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE PODCAST AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT

 

 

 Mar 08, 2022
Case Analysis Vladimir Putin - Golden Child To Malignant Narcissist??
25:36

Is Vladimir Putin a malignant narcissist? In this episode, I discuss how people become narcissists and how Putin’s childhood developed him into the man he is today. My heart goes out to the people of Ukraine and I wish nothing but the best for the country during this troubling time. 

 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:



  • Why people become narcissists and how childhood plays a big part
  • What we can learn from Vladimir Putin’s personality to better understand people with a narcissistic personality
  • The reasons why Vladimir Putin may be a malignant narcissist

 

Being the golden child in his family led Putin to seek a sense of worth from people at every stage of his life. I hope that what we can learn from Vladimir Putin’s personality helps us to better understand people with a narcissistic personality.

 

Resources:



 

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. 

 

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS PODCAST, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE PODCAST AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT

 Mar 01, 2022
Intimacy Avoidance In A Narcissistic Relationship - You are NOT Frigid!
16:56

It’s so common to avoid intimacy once you discover that you are in a relationship with a narcissist, and no, it isn’t because you are frigid! In this episode, I will discuss how our nervous system reacts to intimacy with a narcissist and why your reaction will usually keep you safe. 

 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:



  • How your approach to sex is impacted by being in a relationship with a narcissist
  • Why you will avoid intimacy to stay safe in your relationship
  • Strategies to regain an intimate life after leaving a narcissist
  • How to admit to avoiding intimacy

 

I’ll also discuss how to regain your intimacy once you’ve left a narcissistic relationship by being able to deconstruct the emotions you are feeling and using a negative reaction to create a positive outcome. We can’t change what has happened, but we can absolutely change how your body reacts to your past experiences.

 

Resources:



 

 

 Feb 22, 2022
How A Narcissist Can Fake Empathy
13:49

It’s common to think that your relationship is getting better when your partner starts showing empathy, but with a narcissist, they’re faking empathy to get what they want. So in this episode I’m going to show you how narcissists use empathy to manipulate the people around them and how you can ensure you don’t fall into the trap of thinking things are getting better.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The 3 layers of empathy
  • How narcissists use fake empathy to get what they want
  • The medical diagnosis of narcissism and why an official diagnosis can be an issue
  • How to avoid falling into the trap of fake empathy

To understand how narcissists use fake empathy, I explore the different types of empathy and how narcissists can manipulate you by taking advantage of the behavior they see in actual empaths. I hope this episode will help you identify some of the warning signs when dealing with narcissists. I’d love to hear your stories and situations in dealing with “empathic” narcissists, so please share your experiences with me by emailing hello@carolinestrawson.com

Resources:

 Feb 15, 2022
The Narcissist Cheater & The Codependent Response
21:03

I have experienced what it’s like to go through a relationship with a narcissist who cheats on you, and getting out of that relationship isn’t as easy as you may think. In this episode, I’m going to discuss what my experience was, and the mindset I found myself in, that made leaving my narcissistic partner so difficult. 

 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:



  • My own personal experience with a narcissistic partner who is cheating
  • How to deal with the shame, guilt and personal blame of a cheating partner
  • Why you may find staying in the relationship more comfortable than leaving it
  • Strategies to avoid blaming yourself and tips to a safe exit from the relationship
  • How to find a safe community to help in your post-narcissist life

 

From making excuses for your partner's behaviour to blaming yourself for them cheating, it’s important to get yourself into a positive mindset so that you can leave your narcissistic partner as soon as possible. I hope my story can shed some light on what a lot of people go through when they find themselves being cheated on so that you can avoid making the same mistakes.

 

Resources:



 

 Feb 08, 2022
The 3 Stages Of Healing After A Narcissistic Ex
24:54

It can feel familiar to be in a relationship with a narcissist and we sometimes need reminding that a relationship with a narcissist is an unsafe relationship. So in this episode, I will discuss the three common stages of healing after leaving a narcissist. From noticing that you are in a narcissistic relationship to having post-traumatic growth, I want to help you live a safe and comfortable life again. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • How to notice that you’re in an unsafe relationship
  • Deciding when to leave a narcissistic relationship
  • How to live a post-narcissistic life
  • Why we may feel comfortable with a narcissist and how to break that pattern
  • How to approach a normal relationship and why it may feel strange

We will typically end up with narcissists because we’ve been in unhealthy relationships previously, so after breaking up with a narcissist we need to learn how to function in a healthy relationship. The 3 stages of healing that I share in this episode will help you feel comfortable in a “normal” relationship and will hopefully help you lead a better and more fulfilling life.

Resources:

 Feb 01, 2022
Community Support After Narcissistic Abuse
05:53

I have some BIG NEWS! I’m currently in the process of planning the relaunch of The Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Podcast and I want YOU to have a say in the future of the podcast. Your comments and emails have been so amazing over the last year and I want nothing more than to make sure you know how grateful I am for you. So listen in to hear how you can shape the podcast so that I know what topics you want me to cover, what guests I should bring on and most of all, how I can help you in your recovery.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The plan for this podcast and how thankful I am for YOU
  • How you can influence and shape the future of this podcast
  • Why safety is THE priority when discussing narcissistic trauma
  • The ways you can get in touch with me so I can hopefully help you

I want to give you the ability to mould the future of my podcast so that I can help you the most! I want to know what you’ve enjoyed so far and what content you’d love to hear in new episodes. If you’d be so kind as to leave me feedback on the podcast to give me an insight into what you’d like to hear in future episodes, I’d be so grateful. You can let me know what you want from the podcast by filling out this form here: https://form.jotform.com/220232614900341

Resources:

 Jan 25, 2022
Is Depression a Symptom of Narcissistic Abuse?
22:08

In this episode, we will talk about depression and narcissistic abuse. Although there is some controversy around whether narcissistic abuse causes depression or not, once depression is identified in the victims of narcissistic abuse, that is not really relevant from a trauma-informed perspective. The focus should be on the origin of that depression and on the protector parts that show up.

Today, I'll be sharing my experiences with depression during my marriage with my ex-husband, how I identified depression as a protector part for me and what it was trying to protect me from.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- How being diagnosed with postnatal depression affected me and the way I saw myself

- What role my own stories of not feeling good enough had in my decision to stay in an abusive relationship

- Why I now know that depression was acting as a protector part

- The importance of getting curious about the origin of our protector parts

In my case, it wasn't that my ex-husband abuse was making me feel depressed. The core wound that stepped up for me, my "depression protector part", was protecting me from what my system considered the bigger danger at the time. So my invitation for you is, instead of trying to minimise depression symptoms, to get curious about its origin and its root cause. 

Resources:

- Episode 079 15 Gaslighting Terms A Narcissist Will Use https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/079-15-gaslighting-terms-a-narcissist-will-use/id1527479270 

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Jan 18, 2022
15 Gaslighting Terms A Narcissist Will Use
17:24

When we are in a narcissistic abusive relationship, we hear certain phrases so often that we normalise hearing them, but they actually erode our mental health. The narcissist is gaslighting us. 

In this episode, we will go through 15 gaslighting phrases I heard during my marriage with a covert narcissist. We will explore the devastating effects these phrases have on our confidence, mental health and on our self-worth. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why gaslighting is a form of abuse, and what effects it can have on our mental health

- The gaslighting phrases that can make us doubt our own sanity

- Why most narcissists use these gaslighting phrases to protect themselves

- What we can do to prevent being gaslighted by narcissist abusers

Hearing any of these 15 phrases and their variations regularly in our relationship is a huge red flag, and it should be enough to make us curious about it. The first step is to seek help, whether from a professional, a counsellor or even an online group, and then understand that we are doing what we can with the tools we have, from the programming we had from birth.

We should never forget that being in an abusive relationship is not our fault; we are in it for a reason. Once we understand that reason, we can start working on it and fix it.  

Resources: 

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Jan 11, 2022
12 Signs You Are Dating a Narcissist
17:05

Something I get asked a lot on social media is, how do I know if I'm dating a narcissist again? The decision to start dating again after a separation is personal and it doesn't have a specific time to occur. However, after suffering narcissistic abuse, whether we are looking for Mr or Mrs Right, or Mr or Mrs Right Now, one thing is sure: we want to avoid dating a narcissist. In this episode, we will go through the 12 signs you should pay attention to to know if you are dating a narcissist. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Beware of love bombing at the beginning of the relationship

- What a strong entitlement attitude is really telling us

- The things we can easily spot during a casual conversation about how narcissists talk and what they talk about

- Being alert to manipulative attitudes and the consequences of not following their plans

- What we can read from a strong lack of commitment and a constant tendency to break the rules

- Why narcissists put others down all the time, why they are master gaslighters, and why they don't have long-term friendships

It usually takes some time, at least six or seven dates, to spot a narcissist. However, we can have our eyes and ears open to these 12 signs, be aware of them and see if any of them rarely appears, appears often, or almost all the time. We must be patient and we don't need to go full-blown from the very beginning. If we've found the right person and the relationship is meant to be, then time is not really an issue. 

Resources: 

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Jan 04, 2022
Narcissistic Abuse & Emotional Eating
18:45

One of the most challenging things I had to deal with during my relationship with my ex-husband was emotional eating. I'll share with you the situations that triggered my emotional eating protector parts, the effects that had on my self-image, self-esteem and mental health. We will also talk about why our body chooses emotional eating to protect us and how to deal with it. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What exactly triggered my emotional eating protector parts 

- What my emotional eating was protecting me from

- Why emotional eating is so effective as a pain release mechanism

- What is emotional eating distracting us from, and why we must get curious about it

Once we start recognising we are not our protector parts, that we are blended into them and that they are there to distract us from feeling pain, we'll start seeing things differently. It will be easier to lift the shame and guilt that trigger our emotional eating protector parts. Then we can get curious about why we feel that guilt or shame and work on those issues.

Resources: 

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Dec 28, 2021
Can You Co-Parent with a Narcissist?
17:22

We hear pretty often that co-parenting is the best thing we can do for our children. However, those coming from an abusive relationship might find it almost impossible to be friendly with their abuser. In today's episode, we will talk about co-parenting with a narcissist, the challenges we'll find there and why it can be so triggering, and we’ll also explore an alternative to co-parenting - parallel parenting.  

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why co-parenting is not always a better choice for our family situation

- What the communication challenges are that make co-parenting so hard

- What parallel parenting is and how to do it properly

- Some of the mistakes I made in co-parenting that you can avoid

- Why parallel parenting is so effective in helping us keep our sanity

We need to stop punishing ourselves for not being able to co-parent with the narcissist. We are not less of a parent if we can't co-parent. We've been in an abusive relationship and our focus must be on getting better, not on making sure the abuser is feeling better. The best thing we can give our kids is a mentally stable parent, and that’s where parallel parenting can help us.  

Resources:

- Our Family Wizard website: https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ 

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Dec 21, 2021
Holiday Times & Christmas with the Narcissist
18:26

As Christmas is getting closer, I want to talk about how to deal with a narcissist during not only this holiday, but any other type of celebration, such as birthdays or other family events. 

We'll explore two different scenarios, one for those separated or divorced from a narcissist, and the other for those who have to spend the holidays with a narcissist. I'll also share tips on communicating and planning these events to reduce conflict to the minimum, and how and when to respond to the narcissist's messages.  

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why is it so challenging to celebrate any holiday in peace with a narcissist

- What I've learned from my experience with my narcissist ex-husband during the holidays

- The advantages of planning ahead for these events, and how it can help us in court if we need it

- How to structure our messages when communicating our plans with our narcissist ex-spouse

- How to approach communication when we must spend the holidays with a narcissist

We have an advantage when it comes to any holiday - we know precisely when they will happen. This allows us to plan, minimise and mitigate the conflict by creating the best-case scenario for our kids and us. Still, conflicts can appear, even if we plan ahead and do our best to avoid them. We must remember to stay in our lane, treat ourselves with kindness and avoid self-judgement if that happens. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Dec 14, 2021
When Your Friends & Family Tell You To Ignore The Narcissist
18:05

Today I want to talk about something I went through when I was suffering narcissistic abuse, which is when your family and friends tell you to ignore the narcissist. As always, we’ll look at this from a trauma-informed lens. First, we’ll understand what is so triggering about receiving this kind of comments from our loved ones, and then what we can do to stop being triggered and avoid getting into unnecessary conflicts. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why the phrase "just ignore them" triggers us so much

- How hearing that from our loved ones makes us feel the need for validation

- What kind of addiction narcissistic abuse creates

- Why we must not feel shame or guilt for firing messages back at the narcissist

We must recognise that healing from narcissistic abuse is not just doing affirmations and repeating "I'm good enough" every day. We have to perform deep work in our bodies because traumatic experiences are stored there. They get locked in our bodies and go directly into our fascia, deep into the visceral level and into our nervous system. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Dec 07, 2021
Why Does a Narcissist Lie?
20:24

For those of us who have been victimised by a narcissist, knowing they are spreading lies about us can be really triggering. It might become worse when we see people around them believing their lies and turning into what we call flying monkeys. So in this episode, we'll unravel why narcissists feel this need to spread lies about us, why it triggers a response from us and what we can do to stop reacting to their lies.  

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why narcissists continually, habitually and pathologically choose to lie

- The link between the narcissist’s protector parts and their need to lie about us

- If the trigger and the activation don't come from the lie per se, where they actually come from

- How we can protect ourselves from being triggered by a narcissist's lies about us

I used to suffer a lot because of my ex-husband's lies. I wasted tons of energy on two things I would never control - what he would say about me and what people would think when they heard that. Once I realised that, I started focusing and getting curious about what I had control over - my reaction to the lies and what protector part triggered my response. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Nov 30, 2021
Why Keeping Telling Your Narcissistic Abuse Story Can Keep You Stuck
18:47

This week, we will talk about the negative effects of keeping repeating your story over and over. Of course, all of us who went through narcissistic abuse want to be heard and validated, and that’s why we need to tell our story. However, from a neuroscience perspective, the more we keep telling our story of abuse, the more we are slowing down our healing process. Today, we will explore how our mind works and understand what happens in our body when we talk about our story of abuse, and what can help us to overcome this trauma. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why repeating our story of abuse over and over makes our healing process slower

- What Trauma Vortex is and how we get there

- What happens in our body every time we relive our relationship with a narcissist

- Why we must pay attention to the content we consume on the internet and on social media about narcissistic abuse

Much of the content about narcissistic abuse we see on social media is about how terrible it is, whether it is made with humour through memes or actual stories. And it is awful indeed, but that kind of content focuses on the narcissist, on the abuse and, therefore, activates the negative feelings we had while enduring that abuse. The way I see it, our focus should be elsewhere - on our recovery, what we can learn about ourselves, and what we can use from it to grow and evolve. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Nov 23, 2021
The FREEZE Response of Narcissistic Abuse
15:02

If we think about our nervous system and how it responds to perceived danger, we could compare it to traffic lights. The green light is when things are relatively under control. The amber light is when some alarms are triggered, and our body gets ready to either fight or flight. The red light is when we go into the dorsal vagal shutdown - we go into freeze. 

In this episode, we'll use this analogy to understand why we go into freeze mode staying in uncomfortable and painful situations, and then learn why we shouldn't judge ourselves for doing it.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The three stages of our nervous system's response to the environment

- Why we tend to stay in abusive relationships, even when they are excruciating

- Why our brain thinks that sometimes freezing is the best choice for us

It is crucial to understand that although we might feel depleted because of being in constant freeze mode, our brain is satisfied with its job. From the brain's point of view, we are still alive, it is mission accomplished. We must get curious about why some situations trigger our freeze response; that is our first step into healing. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Nov 16, 2021
The Shame of Narcissistic Abuse
15:31

Today, we will talk about the shame many of us feel for staying longer than we think we should have in an abusive relationship with a narcissist.

In this show, my main focus is to understand before judging, to be compassionate before pointing fingers, and to take care of what we feel before wasting time on what others think of us. We will look at the reasons that made us stay in an abusive relationship from a trauma-informed lens, trying to understand our nervous system and why we behave the way we do.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The link between my childhood traumas and me becoming a perfectionist and a people-pleasing person

- Why meeting my ex-husband, a covert narcissist, felt like I had met Prince Charming

- Why our brain thinks that it is better to stay with the narcissist than risk the unknown world

When our protector parts are coming to the rescue, that means somehow our inner child wounds were triggered. Getting curious about what triggered them is crucial for our recovery. We can't change past events, but we can change our experience over those events and, most importantly, how we FEEL about those events. That is the beginning of our healing journey because those past traumatic experiences won't hurt us anymore. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Nov 09, 2021
The 10 Types of Narcissists
16:32

In this episode, we will go through the different types of narcissists you can encounter. I will break down each of them, starting with the main types or the core four, and then going through the subtypes. I believe that talking about this subject will help you identify and get more clarity about the type of narcissist you may be dealing with in your life. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The four main types of narcissists, and the main differences between them

- The three subtypes of narcissists that go hand in hand with each one of the core four

- Why some subtypes of narcissists are so hard to spot

These kinds of episodes are meant to help you put pieces together. They should help you have a clearer idea of the size of the problem you're dealing with, to start realising that none of what is happening to you is your fault. Narcissistic abuse happens TO you, not because of you. The sooner you get curious about the origin of your reactions to abuse, the closer you get to finding healing and closure. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Nov 02, 2021
Postnatal Depression or Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse
28:39

I had a fascinating conversation recently about postnatal depression and the symptoms of narcissistic abuse, and I thought it would be interesting to do an episode about it. Today I share the different challenges I faced during pregnancy, my own experience with postnatal depression, and the realisation that what I was feeling was mostly trauma-based. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What triggered my inner wounds during my first pregnancy, and why I felt not good enough as a mother

- How I ended up with the belief that I had to choose between being enough either as mom or wife, but not both

- Why I decided to stay after finding out my ex-husband was cheating on me

- Looking at postnatal depression as protector parts distracting us from being in a loveless marriage

When we come from a place of anger, depression, anxiety, self-harm or addictions, it could be a part of us protecting us from a core wound our brain believes is too painful to feel. Narcissists are specialists in shining big spotlights on our inner wounds, and the more they do that, the more our protector parts show up and get louder. Eventually, what we think is the problem, actually is a symptom of the problem, and for us to experience post-traumatic growth, it is crucial we get curious about it. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Oct 26, 2021
Nervous System Responses To Narcissistic Abuse
17:57

Today, I will explain in depth what the Ladder of Tolerance is, how it works and how we use it in my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Program™. We will explore how our nervous system functions, hoping to remove some of the guilt and shame that narcissistic abuse imprints on us. I will share some of my own traumatic experiences as a child that made me blend with my protective parts and turn into a perfectionist, self-harming, and people-pleasing person. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The Ladder of Tolerance and how can we use it to understand our nervous system response to abuse

- What is post-traumatic growth, and how it can help us recover from narcissistic abuse

- What it means that we must be taught to be in the top part of the ladder, and what happens when we are not

- Why healing from narcissistic abuse does not happen only on the cognitive level, and what other things we must work on to heal completely

Our nervous system is constantly moving up and down the ladder. When we feel safe, we are at the top, and when we feel anxious, nervous, or threatened, we are at the bottom. In many cases, there is no real danger and still, we think our life is on the line. What triggers that response is usually self-worthiness wounds we drag from traumatic experiences from our childhood. We need to take a closer look at those wounds, get curious about them and find out their origin, so we can learn to heal them. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Oct 19, 2021
The Narcissistic Disney Parent
12:22

In this episode, we will talk about what I call the Disney narcissistic parents - about their behaviour when they are with the kids, the effects of that on our children, and the responses it triggers in us. We will talk about dealing with this kind of narcissistic parents, which is one of the most challenging parts of co-parenting with a narcissist. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What is a Disney narcissistic parent and how we can identify them

- Why it is so triggering for us to deal with this behaviour in co-parenting with a narcissist

- Why our kids misbehave when they are with us and never when they are with the narcissistic parent

- How The Tolerance Ladder can help us understand our kids' behaviour

Although it might be extremely challenging to co-parent with a narcissist, we must focus on teaching our kids values, showing them love, ensuring a secure connection and installing a healthy sense of self in them. The Disney narcissistic parent will flood them with expensive toys, new cell phones or video games, but none of that can compete with the kind of relationship we can offer to them based on trust, love and a deep connection. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 

 Oct 12, 2021
Narcissists & Sex - The Intimacy Avoidance Protector Part
21:26

Today, we will talk about a topic that can be quite triggering. We will talk about intimacy while in a relationship with a narcissist, and we will look at lack of sexual desire from a trauma-informed perspective. To explore this topic, I’ll be fully vulnerable and share some of my own experiences with my ex-husband, and how I navigated these issues. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- How looking at intimacy with a narcissist from a trauma-informed perspective can help us better understand our reactions 

- Why we must understand there is nothing wrong with ourselves when our body rejects intimacy with our partner

- What I learned about myself and my relationship with sex in my previous marriage

Understanding that frigidity, coldness, or lack of sexual desire are nothing else than our protector parts activating body responses to a perceived danger changes everything. Rather than thinking it is a conscious choice or something wrong with us, we must know that these reactions to sex are parts of us doing their job, which is keeping us alive. 

Resources:

- Bella Article https://publishmystory.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/bella-caroline-strawson-nf-finished.jpg 

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Oct 05, 2021
Brain Damage From Narcissistic Abuse
12:04

In this episode, we will talk about the damage that narcissistic abuse provokes to our brains. Although what happens to us in abusive relationships is considered brain damage, I'll add a caveat right away and clarify that this damage can be reversed. In fact, you can start living even better than before. We will begin by understanding what happens in our minds when we are abused, what parts of the brain are triggered by the abuse, and how we can recover from it.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What kind of brain damage narcissistic abuse produces

- What happens when our mind goes from "online" to "offline" mode

- How the hippocampus and the amygdala affect how we feel and how we react to abuse

- What we can do to reverse the damage produced by narcissistic abuse

The traumatic experiences we go through in our childhood leave marks, or self-worthiness wounds as we call them. Those wounds are the reference our brain has to do its primary job of keeping us alive. Our brain will always pick what it considers the less painful option, even if that means staying in an abusive relationship. Understanding this is crucial to see that our system is trying to protect us, and for us to become curious why it considers abuse less dangerous than other options.  

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Sep 28, 2021
What Exactly Is A Narcissist?
11:39

Today, I want to talk about a subject that divides the trauma, counselling, and psychology world: the label of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). I'll share my opinion on the challenges and dangers of labelling NPD. We’ll talk about and compare three different approaches - the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the Internal Family System approach, and my own, Narcissistic Trauma Informed approach. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why I consider over 35 traits in order to recognise NPD and not only 9 like the DSM

- Why labelling and medicalising NPD almost feels like excusing the narcissistic behaviour

- Why we consider narcissistic traits as an umbrella protecting self-worthiness wounds

In many cases of narcissistic abuse, I've witnessed how the victims tend to see narcissistic abuse as a reflection of them. What happens is that when we have self-worthiness wounds from our childhood, we believe the narcissist "is right" abusing us because we see ourselves as unworthy or unlovable. That is why I love to share this knowledge, because we must know that the abuse is happening TO US, not because of us. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 

 Sep 21, 2021
The Narcissist Addict
12:06

In this episode, we discuss narcissists in relation to addictions. We will use the Internal Family Systems approach to understand how addictions can serve as protective parts. We will also learn how addictions can distract and soothe away narcissists from suffering from their self-worthiness wounds. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why addictions are considered protective parts in Internal Family Systems

- How the narcissist’s interpretation of other people's actions and reactions lead to addictive behaviours

- How a better understanding of narcissists' addictions can help us on our trauma recovery journey

Self-worthiness wounds are created during childhood, and the interpretation of the world and other people's behaviour forms what is called an exile in Internal Family Systems. Addiction to drugs, porn, sex, or work can act as protective parts the brain uses to protect people from feeling that pain again. Between being distracted by an external stimulus or feeling miserable, the brain chooses what it considers less painful. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Sep 14, 2021
Gaslighting Examples From A Narcissist
21:28

Today, we talk about gaslighting. I'm amazed by the number of people who aren't sure what gaslighting is and don't even know they are being victims of it. To help me explain what gaslighting is and why it is a form of abuse, I'll share some situations I've experienced during my previous marriage with my ex-husband. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What gaslighting is, and what makes it a form of abuse

- Why, when we are being gaslighted, we doubt our sanity and our common sense

- How my ex-husband went from potential murder to hero

- Why we isolate ourselves when we are being gaslighted in our relationship

When someone is being abused, their friends and relatives will most likely advise them to leave that relationship. In most cases, the abused won't leave their abuser, not because they don't want to, but because they can't, because being in an abusive relationship feels safer for the victim's system than being alone. Gaslighting is a form of abuse, and we must approach its victims with compassion and empathy. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Sep 07, 2021
Narcissistic Abuse & Polyvagal Theory
10:15

In this episode, we will analyse narcissistic abuse from the polyvagal theory perspective. We’ll use this theory, remarkably well explained by Deb Dana, to understand how our nervous system responds to abuse, and use that knowledge to lift and remove the shame and guilt attached to those reactions. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What is the polyvagal theory, and how the ladder analogy can help us to better understand our response to abuse

- What are the sympathetic, dorsal vagal, and ventral vagal responses of our system, and what they mean

- How triggers affect our "position" on the trust ladder

Understanding how and why we react to abuse is the first step to acknowledging that we are not weak and powerless, and that what is happening is not our fault. We need to get curious about what our system "sees," and what it is trying to protect us from. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™
https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 

 Aug 31, 2021
Adult Children of a Narcissist
15:55

Today's episode is directed to parents who went through abusive narcissistic relationships and who have adult children. We will talk about how triggering it can be to watch our adult child taking our place in that abusive relationship, and the best way to deal with it. I share some advice on how to talk to our children in these situations, and how to deal with the challenging circumstance of seeing our child becoming a narcissist. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The difference between co-parenting young children and adult children with a narcissist

- What is the best way to talk to our adult children about their narcissistic parent

- Why our children look more aggressive with us than with the narcissistic parent

- How to protect our relationship with our adult children

Questioning our children why they are still in touch with their narcissistic parent has the same effect as asking a victim of domestic abuse why they don't leave their partner. Their system makes them feel weaker, worthless, and even more powerless, and we must wait for our children to see things for themselves, as well as accept that perhaps they never will. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Aug 24, 2021
Anger At The Narcissist
15:23

In this episode, we will have a conversation about anger. We will analyse the difference between regulated and dysregulated anger, its long-term effects, and what happens within us when we feel angry. We will also look at anger through the Internal Family System lens to understand why it scratches the scab of our worthiness wounds.  

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- How dysregulated anger is a sympathetic trauma response

- Why our protective parts choose anger to deal with some issues

- Can being stuck in anger for a long time be a natural part of a healing process?

- The questions we must pose to our angry, protective parts 

If we approach our angry, protective parts with curiosity, looking beyond the anger and trying to understand what those parts are trying to distract us from, we will look at what triggered us in a different way. We will realise that our system is trying to soothe the pain from our wounded, younger part. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™
https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Aug 17, 2021
How Can I Heal from Narcissistic Abuse?
15:04

Today's episode is about empowerment. We will learn that the power to heal from narcissistic abuse is within ourselves. We will analyse and understand why we hand over our strength and energy to the narcissist by seeking external validation, and looking for an answer outside of us.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The three main characteristics that make my approach to narcissistic trauma recovery different

- Why we give our power away by looking for external validation

- What we need to know to understand that the power to heal from narcissistic abuse is within ourselves

Although we might feel that trauma is the narcissist, it is not. Trauma is what we hold in our bodies, and what we say to ourselves about what happened. Getting curious about that will help us understand why we feel a certain way around narcissists, which could be the first step into our trauma recovery journey. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Aug 10, 2021
Will My Life Ever Be The Same After the Narcissist?
13:44

Today's episode is about positive psychology and how I use it in the work I do. First, we will define what positive psychology is and talk about its origin and purpose. Then we will go through the PERMAH model, and finally, we will discuss post-traumatic growth and why we must remain curious about it. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What positive psychology is, and where it comes from

- What is the PERMAH model, and how it can help us increase happiness and decrease anxiety

- Why it seems impossible to think about growth at some stages of narcissistic abuse

- What it means to do the somatic work, and how it can help us

Focusing on the six pillars of the PERMAH model when we are coming out to heal our narcissistic trauma is the best way of levelling up our well-being. If we focus too often on the things we don't want from our past, we might get stuck in the past, and then growing will become more challenging. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Aug 03, 2021
The Diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
10:10

In this episode, we will talk about the diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). We will analyse the nine traits determined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) to diagnose the narcissistic disorder.

We will also talk about covert narcissists, the difficulties with getting a diagnosis and how it impacts the victims of abuse, and the issues with medicalising NPD. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What are the nine traits established by the DSM to diagnose a narcissistic personality disorder?

- Why we say that there are much more than nine traits that we should look at

- Why it is hard to get the NPD diagnosis, and how that affects the victim of narcissistic abuse

- What a covert narcissist is, and why we consider them the most dangerous type of narcissists

As narcissists would rarely recognise they have a problem, getting a diagnosis becomes almost impossible. This adds pressure to their victims who are looking for help, and that is why we need to be careful when we hear that someone is a narcissist, and be ready to listen to the victims. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Jul 27, 2021
Are Narcissists Born This Way?
12:46

In today's episode, we will talk about something I get asked a lot - are narcissists born that way? We will discuss the impact of intergenerational trauma on a narcissist's development, the role of their protective parts, and the root causes of their behaviour.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why we say that narcissists are formed and not born

- The connection between a narcissist's intergenerational trauma and how their protective parts show up

- How worthiness wounds are formed 

- Why as a society, we must start looking more at the root causes than symptoms of narcissistic behaviour

When we talk about compassion, and understanding narcissistic behaviour, we are not talking about justifying their abuse. We talk about using empathy to understand the origin of their conduct, to know what triggers it, and to understand what it triggers in us, so we can build boundaries around it. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Jul 20, 2021
Can You Cure a Narcissist?
19:02

In this episode, we will discuss a controversial topic - can narcissists be cured? To answer this, we will consider two antagonising positions, those who say it is possible, those who say it can't be done, and we will also look at the middle ground. Most importantly, we will focus on the things we can change in our relationship with the narcissist. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The issue with labeling narcissists, ignoring the root causes of their disorder, and medicalising them

- The benefits of looking at the situation with compassion and curiosity to ourselves

- What is a narcissist’s main goal, and what triggers their behaviour

- How to change our focus from curing the narcissist to looking at our reactions

Although it might sound shocking to hear, a narcissist's primary goal is not to be abusive. Their main purpose is to protect their self-worthiness wounds, so they project their protector parts on their abuse victims. As they won't see or accept this, and they justify their actions, we can’t help them, but we can focus on how we respond to their behaviour, and how we let it affect us. 

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Interview with Professor Sam Vaknin, Author of Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited  

Part 1: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/037-interview-professor-sam-vaknin-author-malignant/id1527479270?i=1000514048886 

Part 2: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/038-part-2-interview-professor-sam-vaknin-author-malignant/id1527479270?i=1000514982380 

Part 3: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/039-part-3-interview-professor-sam-vaknin-author-malignant/id1527479270?i=1000515945205

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Jul 13, 2021
The Narcissist/Codependent Magnet
16:41

Today, we will talk about the magnetic relationship between narcissists and codependents. We will dive deep into their origins, why they attract each other, and why they seem like a match made in heaven - or more accurately, made in hell. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why certain people only attract narcissists to their love life

- The role of the worthiness wounds in codependents' and in narcissists' behaviours

- How codependents can heal their emotional core wounds, and prevent themselves from attracting narcissists

Once a codependent identifies the core wound that triggers their protector parts to make them constantly give so they feel worthy or lovable, the chances are huge that they prevent those protector parts from acting on their behalf. With narcissists, on the other hand, this is almost impossible, since they'll never look at their worthiness wounds. 

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Jul 06, 2021
The Narcissist's True Colours - When They Know You Know!
23:10

In this episode, we will talk about what happens when the narcissist knows you figured everything out, and what we can expect when they show their true colors. I will share a bit of my story with my ex-husband, and what happened when I confirmed my suspicions about him, and I let him know that I knew everything I needed to know. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- How narcissists diminish the pain of feeling worthless

- The three ways of ending a relationship with a narcissist

- Why I stayed for years in my abusive marriage

- What happened when I told my ex-husband I had everything figured out about him

Although narcissists appear to be confident and secure, they are precisely the opposite.  When we let them know we are aware of their game, we become a shining spotlight on their worthiness wounds. They have two options, to look themselves in the mirror acknowledging the damage they've done, or smear and try to diminish us. Unfortunately, they tend to choose the latter option. 

Resources Mentioned:

- Book: Caroline Strawson - Divorce Became My Superpower: A Story Of Narcissistic Abuse Recovery, Gaining Perspective, Power & Positivity: https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Became-Superpower-Narcissistic-Perspective-ebook/dp/B07H6GF4FV/ 

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Jun 28, 2021
Narcissistic Abuse Is Trauma
17:57

Today, we celebrate our 50th episode together, and we will talk about why I've decided to rebrand. I’ll share with you my true purpose, why I've decided to start focusing on post-traumatic growth, and how we can reclaim our power. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

-What can we do to take back the power we gave to the narcissist

-Why focusing on post-traumatic growth rather than abuse changes the whole spectrum of our recovery

- What are the worthiness wounds, and what is their role in our response to abuse

Once we change how we feel about ourselves, we will change how we respond to narcissistic abuse. When we learn to identify the parts of us that the abuse is triggering, we can control our reactions. We can prevent our protective parts from starting the alarm of danger and falling into the I'm-not-good-enough spiral.

Resources: 

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Jun 22, 2021
Grief After Narcissistic Abuse
22:59

Today, we will talk about the grief after narcissistic abuse, and the feeling of loss we experience after losing our parent-child connection, our home, or the family we envisioned having. We will discuss every stage we go through after the divorce, and how each one leads to the other. I'll share what I experienced after my divorce, and what I did to change how I responded to my ex-husband after the separation.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why we grieve after separating from a narcissist

- The stages we go through after a separation

- How we can find peace after accepting what we have been through

- What to do when we feel a sense of loss deep in our bones

When we think about healing from narcissistic abuse, it's not only about changing our thoughts. It is also about changing our body, about finding a sense of integration, and understanding that what happened, happened to us and not because of us, and that now we are safe. 

Resources: 

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Jun 15, 2021
Narcissistic Trauma Versus Narcissistic Abuse
20:32

In this episode, we will talk about the difference between narcissistic abuse and narcissistic trauma. We will analyse and understand the origin of the trauma produced by narcissistic abuse, why narcissistic behaviour triggers memories of past events in our lives, and how we can reclaim our power. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why we choose to stay in abusive relationships 

- The differences between narcissistic abuse and narcissistic trauma

- The role of our interpretation of past events during our childhood in how we feel today 

- How separating abuse from trauma can help us take our power back

When we are abused by a narcissist, our response to abuse is related to our childhood wounds, and it is crucial that we work on healing them. Once we recover our younger self, even though we can't change a narcissist, we can change our interpretation of their behaviour. 

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Jun 08, 2021
What The Narcissist Does At The End Of Every Relationship
27:27

In today's episode, we will discuss what happens when we end a relationship with a narcissist. We will analyse why the abuse continues after the end of the relationship, and why narcissists smear our reputation when we are the ones who decide to separate or divorce. I'll share some of my own experiences, and how I learned to stop judging myself and others in narcissistic abusive relationships. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why narcissists feel their wounded parts triggered when we decide to end the relationship

- What makes a narcissist want to end a relationship 

- Why our narcissistic ex-spouse looks like a different person after we separate from them

- Why narcissists tend to rewrite the story of what happened and then try to smear our reputation

Instead of judging ourselves for staying in an abusive relationship, we can take this awakening as an opportunity to know ourselves better. We need to be curious about why we feel the way we do, and identify the younger wounded parts we were trying to protect by accepting being in a relationship with a narcissist.

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 Jun 01, 2021
Can a Narcissist Change Their Spots?
17:38

This week we will answer a question that many people ask themselves after an abusive relationship - can a narcissist change their spots? We will dive deep into why those abused start doubting themselves, and understand why our narcissistic ex-partners seem happy and fulfilled in their new relationship. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why we start doubting ourselves after breaking up with the narcissist

- How a narcissist's protective parts trigger a codependent's protective parts

- The two things to consider when a narcissist enters a new relationship 

- What we can and what we cannot change about what happened to us in the past

Healing from narcissistic trauma doesn't happen instantly. It's about realising that the narcissist highlighted our core wounds and protective parts. The best thing we can do is stop looking at the narcissist and their new relationship, focus that lens on ourselves, take back our power, and do what we need to do to live our best life.

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

 May 25, 2021
Rock Bottom to Post Traumatic Growth - A Story to Inspire Hope with Danette May
37:27

Today I'm joined by the extraordinary Danette May, America’s leading healthy lifestyle expert, #1 best-selling author of “The Rise,” and 7 health and fitness books and programs. She is a co-founder and CCO of Mindful Health, LLC (#48 on the Inc. 5000 List), dedicated founder of The Rise movement, world-renowned motivational speaker, wife, and mother.

Danette's rise began after losing her son during childbirth, getting divorced, and finding herself with $47 to her name. It was then that she decided to stop being a victim and rewrite her story. 

She began to focus on the three pillars of healing: healing foods, healing movement, and a healing mindset. These three pillars form the foundation of every product or program she's created since then. 

In this episode, Danette charts how she was able to pull herself back from rock bottom to have POST TRAUMATIC GROWTH in all areas of her life. 

Danette would also offer anyone who pre-orders her book access to a Free Live Virtual Relationship Coaching Event (worth $597). As a VIP coach, she leads healing retreats, and helps high level execs change their mindset, learn to manifest, and call in intimate relationships, attracting their Soul’s Contract Connection. Pre-orders of the new book "Embrace Abundance" can get a FREE TICKET to a live event by going here: http://embraceabundancebook.com

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What it meant for Danette to fail to tune into her intuition

- The importance of taking responsibility for our life choices

- Why forgiveness is so liberating

- The three pillars of healing, and why it’s essential to focus on each of them

- The importance of the words that we say to ourselves

When we forgive those who hurt us, we unplug them from our energetic field. Either if they say or do something to us, or if we remember what they did to us in the past, we won't be affected. Only after we unplug ourselves from the people who hurt us, we can rise up and be who we want to be, without being pulled down by past memories. 

Resources:

- Visit Danette May's website: https://danettemay.com/ 

- Pre-order Danette’s new book “Embrace Abundance” http://embraceabundancebook.com 

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

 May 18, 2021
Interview With Ross Rosenberg, Founder of Self-Love Recovery Institute
01:05:45

Today I’m sharing with you a fantastic conversation with Ross Rosenberg.

Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, is the owner of  Self-Love Recovery Institute. He is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness and author. Ross is known globally for his expertise in codependency (Self-Love Deficit Disorder), Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse and Trauma Treatment. He is a keynote speaker who has presented in 30 States/70 cities and abroad and has been regularly featured on national TV and radio. His “The Human Magnet Syndrome” books sold over 120K copies and are translated into 10 languages. His YouTube Channel has amassed 19 million video views and more than 200K subscribers.  

In this episode, Ross shared brilliant insights about responsibility, codependency, children moulded by narcissistic parents, and core shame. We talked about his definition of codependency, and how it was a game changer for so many people after finding an explanation that made sense for them. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The victim's connection with responsibility and the band-aid therapy

- Ross' journey of dealing with narcissists in his life, and how he managed to overcome his challenges

- How many types of codependents there are according to Ross, and the difference between them

- What is the human magnet syndrome

- What is a relationship template, how it is created, and how it works

Ross’s definition of codependency is revolutionary, because it offers a simple explanation of the condition. After we have an answer, we can make a choice to address the problem and neutralize its cause. 

Connect with Ross Rosenberg:

- Self-Love Recovery Institute https://www.selfloverecovery.com/ 

- Find Ross on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/rossarosenberg/ 

- Find Ross on Twitter https://twitter.com/rossrosenberg1/ 

- Find Ross on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/rossrosenberg_slri/

- Visit Ross’s YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/clinicalcareconsult

Resources:

- Book: Ross Rosenberg - The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap: Surviving Narcissistic Abuse https://www.amazon.com/Human-Magnet-Syndrome-Codependent-Narcissist-ebook/dp/B07D99945P/ 

- Book: Alice Miller - The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self https://www.amazon.com/Drama-Gifted-Child-Search-Third-ebook/dp/B06XCG9MKN/ 

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

 May 11, 2021
Why Do I Have To Be The One To Change In Response To The Narcissist?!
15:56

Today, we will talk about why we feel WE need to change after all the abuse received from the narcissist in our lives. To help us see this issue from a different lens, we use the Internal Family System perspective, and we will understand why we feel that way. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What is the reason behind our protective parts making us feel angry or frustrated

- The consequence of blending with our protective parts

- The questions we need to ask ourselves when we start feeling angry and frustrated

When we feel we need to change our behaviour around the narcissist, or change how we react to their abuse, a sense of injustice invades us. The truth is we don't need to change; we only need to ask ourselves and understand why our protective parts are coming to rescue us. Ideally, we should see a narcissist as a spotlight warning us against being triggered and confusing our protective parts with our true self.  

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

 

 May 04, 2021
Am I Turning Into A Narcissist? - Mirror Neurons Explained
19:34

In this episode, we will dive deeper into a question that I get asked a lot - am I turning into a narcissist? We will talk about why we start to notice some narcissistic behaviours in ourselves after going through an abusive relationship with a narcissist. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why those victimised by a narcissist start exhibiting narcissistic behaviour

- What the mirror neurons are, and their role in our behaviour

- Why narcissists won't start mirroring codependency

- How looking from a trauma-informed lens can help us understand our own narcissistic traits 

No narcissist will ever question their narcissistic behaviour, they will blame others for their actions. The best thing we can do when we detect narcissistic behaviour in ourselves is to step back, and look at it from a place of curiosity, compassion, courage, and clarity. If we are genuinely asking ourselves - am I a narcissist? - we most certainly are not. 

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

 Apr 27, 2021
Empathy & The Narcissist - Or Lack Of!!!
13:26

In today's episode, we will talk about narcissists and empathy. We will go through the three types of empathy and explain which area of the brain is responsible for each of them, so we can understand better why, according to the DSM, narcissists lack empathy. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The three types of empathy - cognitive, emotional, and compassionate

- The three main areas of the brain that are associated with each type of empathy

- What kind of empathy narcissists are able to demonstrate

- Why and when narcissists are showing some kind of empathy

- What happens to us when we are offered no empathy

When we understand the origin and the difference between the three types of empathy, it becomes easier to understand why sometimes it may look like the narcissist in our lives is showing kindness or compassion. For them, it is all about getting narcissistic supply, and they'll put themselves in a situation where they can get more of it. 

Resources: 

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/



 Apr 20, 2021
The Shame Of Staying With A Narcissist - Just Leave Then!!!
14:02

In this episode, we will talk about the shame and judgment that those who stay in a narcissist relationship suffer from others and from themselves. We will dive deep into the reasons behind the decision to stay in an abusive relationship, and how to be more compassionate towards those who make such decisions. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- How our protective parts don't know what happiness is

- What happens when we hear the phrase ‘Just leave then’

- Safety concerns in case of leaving a narcissistic relationships

- How we can help people who decide to stay in abusive relationships

- The importance of bringing awareness into your internal protective mechanisms

Someone that comes from a place of not feeling worthy is more likely to end up as a codependent in an abusive relationship. In most cases, the fear of leaving that relationship will be greater than their suffering, so they'll choose to stay. Without help, those people can enter the endless cycle of not feeling good enough to leave and, simultaneously, not worthy enough to generate love in their partners. 

Resources: 

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

 Apr 13, 2021
Part 3 of the Interview With Professor Sam Vaknin - Author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited
42:26

The third and final interview segment with Sam Vaknin is perhaps the most triggering, as we discuss the concepts of victim, victimhood, and being victimized by a narcissist. We also analyze Sam's view on victimization and victimhood as new social trends and part of the tribalism we live in nowadays. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What happened to us is not what we are

- Why people idolize, perpetuate, and glamorise being a victim

- The danger of the self-styled empaths

- How to love yourself, trust your gut, and not abuse your abuser

When we grow up hearing things like we are not good enough or our parents find us helpful only as victims, then our self-esteem is low and we understand there is no other way than victimhood to get favourable outcomes from our environment. However, in order to heal, we must allow ourselves to be loved for who we are, and not for what happened to us. 

Resources: 

- Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin

- Connect with Professor Sam Vaknin on LinkedIn, Instagram, and YouTube

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

 Apr 06, 2021
Part 2 of the Interview With Professor Sam Vaknin - Author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited
36:24

This is part two of the fantastic interview with Professor Sam Vaknin. In this episode we talk about narcissistic abuse from a social perspective, and how we, as society members, deal with abusers and victims. We dive deep into the danger of labelling people, and discuss the idea of fluidity between the roles of victims and abusers. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The counterproductive tendency of isolating trait behaviours, labelling and medicalising

- Regarding narcissism as a positive adaptation that has helped a child to survive

- Are we all a part of a colossal victim community?

- The differences in a relationship between narcissists and healthy people, and narcissists and codependents

- How the confirmation bias and the saviour mentality affects the victims of narcissist abuse

Accepting that many victims are never likely to abandon their abusers, Doctor Vaknin believes that people should be educated on self-defence, on how to create boundaries and react to abusive situations. Both the victim and abuser share the same source - they are children with wounded inner parts, utilising their survival tools. 

Resources:

-  Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror by Judith Lewis Herman

- Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin

- Connect with Professor Sam Vaknin on LinkedIn, Instagram, and YouTube

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

 Mar 30, 2021
Interview With Professor Sam Vaknin - Author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited - Part 1
29:29

This episode is the first part of an enlightening interview with Sam Vaknin, Professor of Psychology & Finances at the Southern University of Rostov-on-Don, Russia, PhD in Philosophy and Physics, and author of the book "Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited." 

In this first of a three-episode series, we talked about why the narcissistic abuse experience is different from other abusive relationships, and why each narcissistic abuse story is unique. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- How it was connecting with narcissistic abuse victims before the internet era

- The uniqueness of the narcissistic abuse experience

- How narcissists live inside their mind

- Why making demands or having expectations threatens a narcissist’s equilibrium 

- The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) vs. the Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual (PDM)

When Professor Vaknin started working with narcissistic abuse trauma back in 1995, there was no terminology, no words to describe it. One of his first jobs was to coin terms like narcissistic supply, somatic narcissist, cerebral narcissist, and narcissistic abuse itself. He has been studying the subject passionately for over 26 years, helping thousands of people to recover from their trauma. 

Resources:

- Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin

- Connect with Professor Sam Vaknin on LinkedIn, Instagram, and YouTube

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

 

 Mar 23, 2021
Breaking Up With a Narcissist
18:18

Today, I want to talk about what happens after we break up with a narcissist, what we should expect from them, and how to prevent being affected by what they can do or say to us and our closest friends. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • Safety is your number one priority
  • What to do when our reputation is being shredded by the narcissist
  • The narcissist and their army of flying monkeys
  • What drives narcissists to take action
  • Why falling into a love bombing trap is easier than it looks
  • Our goal is not trying to change or fix the narcissist

Breaking up a relationship with a narcissist might lead us to a lonely place if they turn our friends and relatives against us. We must create a robust ecosystem around us, and surround ourselves by the people who believe in us. We need to keep in mind that we are enough, and that we are worthy and lovable regardless of what the narcissist could have said to us or to anyone else about us. 

Resources:

 Mar 02, 2021
The Relationship After The Narcissist
20:47

This week we are talking about relationships after narcissistic abuse. But to talk about future relationships, we need to look at our past and what we learned about love when we were children. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The three parts of our brain and what their roles are
  • Where the belief that the world is a dangerous place comes from
  • How to use the knowledge about how our mind works in order to empower ourselves
  • The prominent role of attachment in our perception of what love is
  • The connections between how we felt as children, and how we feel around the narcissist as adults
  • How YOU can break the cycle of narcissistic abuse

To ensure a healthy and lasting new relationship, we need to do some inner work, identify our blueprint of what love and connection are, and work on it. If we don't address it, we are at risk of repeating this inter-generational trauma, and possibly passing it onto the next generations. 

Resources:

 Feb 23, 2021
The Child's Trauma Response To The Narcissistic Parent
17:41

In today's episode, we will talk about future generations and narcissism. We will explore and analyze kids' trauma responses to being with a narcissist and the best ways to help them deal with it.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The importance of breaking the trauma cycle and teaching self-love to our kids
  • Parallel parenting as the best choice for co-parenting with a narcissist
  • The fourth trauma response to narcissistic abuse
  • Why our kids choose to misbehave with us
  • The best response we can offer to our angry children

When our kids come back to us aggressive or angry, we must see them through the trauma-informed lens. We need to understand them, show them love and compassion, be supportive and make them feel that we see them and hear them. Our kids misbehave with us because we are their anchor. We must be aware of that and build our relationship with them from that place. 

Resources:

 Feb 16, 2021
Medicalising Narcissistic Personality Disorder
24:11

This episode is about the controversy around the diagnosis of a narcissist and its medicalisation. Should narcissists be medicalised? And if they should, how does it affect those who've been involved with a narcissist?

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The problem with medicalisation of a certain problem
  • Why Complex PTSD doesn't go away with a sense of retribution
  • The beauty of hindsight in the context of a relationship with a narcissist
  • Why moving forward knowing the narcissist won't change is a powerful step
  • How narcissism has a lot more traits than the 9 from the DSM

As a society, we are conditioned to look at the symptoms and there is not much space for considering the root cause. That's what is happening with narcissists as well. The root cause gets overlooked, and the abuse suffered by the narcissist's victims remains unacknowledged. But the solution might lie in looking at narcissists through the trauma lens. 

Resources:

 Feb 09, 2021
Covert Narcissist - The Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
25:03

One of the narcissist types that is hardest to identify is the covert narcissist. Today we will go through a covert narcissist's behavioural traits, the ways they get their narcissistic supply, how that makes us feel, and how to deal with that behaviour.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • What happens when a narcissist agrees to go to therapy
  • Why covert narcissists are so hard to identify
  • How they act like they are the victim
  • The spiral effect of nobody believing our story
  • How to bring the power back to yourself
  • Why you should stop worrying about what other people say

When we think about a narcissist, the first image that comes to mind is an arrogant, entitled and overly confident individual. But a covert narcissist is quite the opposite, they will portray themselves as a victim who suffers constant abuse. We need to be aware that they can turn people who know us against us, and be ready to deal with that. 

Resources:

 Feb 02, 2021
Parenting With A Narcissist and Corona Virus
20:05

This week I want to talk about co-parenting with a narcissist in COVID times. We'll talk about what happens when the pandemic is used as an excuse for not giving the kids back, or sending them over. We will also go through the best way to communicate with a narcissist in conflict situations, and what parallel parenting is. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The difficulties of co-parenting with a narcissist
  • What it means to parallel parent
  • The importance of self-care and why it is NOT selfish
  • Why you need to register, document and not get dragged into an argument
  • How to set up up a grounding station at home

We need to pay special attention to the pandemic restrictions used as control methods by the narcissist in our lives. If that is the case, our kids' happiness is essential to look at before we decide to act. 

Resources:

 Jan 26, 2021
The Narcissist and the Judgement Part
23:30

This week I want to talk to you about judgement from the Internal Family Systems and parts therapy perspective. We’ll go over what judgement really is and what questions you can ask yourself to get to the root of judgement both towards yourself and towards other people, including the narcissist.

What You Will Learn In This Episode: 


  • How to look at judgement as one of the parts in our system
  • The protective role of judgement
  • The wounded younger parts hiding under someone’s judgemental behaviour
  • Three questions to ask yourself when you recognise judgement in yourself
  • How to approach judgement with compassion and curiosity

It is definitely not pleasant to be on the receiving end of somebody else’s judgment, but I’m also inviting you to check in with yourself. How much are you judging other people? Because that's just a protector part showing up to protect you from your wounded younger parts.

Resources:

 Jan 19, 2021
Can You Cure a Narcissist?
27:52

This week we talk about the possibility of curing a narcissist, and what we can do to make our situation better. Is it possible at all to get beyond their protector parts, and heal that wounded inner child that is responsible for their narcissistic behaviour?  

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What the real chances are of curing a narcissist

- How a covert narcissist turns things around and gaslights us

- The lack of ownership and of sense of responsibility in narcissists

- The difficulty of helping someone who thinks they don’t need help

- How to be compassionate towards the narcissist and still keep them accountable for their behaviour

As narcissists are a product of a childhood trauma, it is okay to be compassionate and empathetic. We need to accept that it is impossible to help someone who doesn't acknowledge they need help. 

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

 Jan 12, 2021
When A Narcissist Knows You Have Them Figured Out
18:19

Today we talk about a pivotal moment in our relationship with a narcissist - what happens when they know we know? What is their reaction when we let them know we know who and what they are? Is it a good idea to let them know that? Let's find out.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The similarity between starting point of narcissists and codependents
  • How to release the legacy burden that we’ve got from our parents 
  • What happens when the protector parts cover the narcissist's true self
  • The effects of highlighting a narcissist's inner wounds

When we confront a narcissist with the truth about who they are, we force them to face their younger wounded parts. That makes their system go into overdrive, and their protector parts become an army pointing all their guns at us. We must ignore that and focus on our recovery and healing OUR wounded parts. 

Resources:

 Jan 05, 2021
Why Does the Narcissist Do This to Me???
13:59

The question I get asked lots of times is - why does the narcissist do this to me? What have I ever done? I'm a nice person. I'm gonna get real with you in this episode and explain this in two parts. Let’s dive in.

What You Will Learn in This Episode:

  • How we create false reasons for why the narcissist treats us the way they do
  • The triangle in Internal Family Systems - True Self, Exile, Protector
  • How Exile and Protector parts show up in both narcissist and yourself
  • How you become a magnet for a narcissist
  • How you can flip the question and ask yourself why you are allowing a narcissist to do that to you

Your power is not trying to change a narcissist, but recognise what it is about you that makes you feel the way that you do and attract people like that into your life. Because when you change that, you change everything.

Resources:

 Dec 30, 2020
The Three Stages of Divorcing a Narcissist
18:17

Today we talk about the three stages of our healing process when we are divorcing a narcissist. We go through our priorities in stage one, sorting out the legalities while starting to heal in stage two, and recognising that healing is a lifelong journey in stage three. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • Safety is the first priority when divorcing a narcissist
  • The triangle of divorcing - legalities, finances, and children
  • How to be gentle with ourselves when we start our healing process
  • The pitfalls of thinking of healing as a destination
  • Understanding post-traumatic growth and how it affects us

Divorcing a narcissist is tough, especially if you have children. However, if we focus on our safety, on our healing process, and avoid re-traumatising our mind, we can go through it. What we need to do is not beat ourselves up, and create a healthy ecosystem around us to help us heal. 

Resources:

 Dec 22, 2020
The Cheating Narcissist
22:29

Today I talk about cheating narcissists, the reasons behind cheating, and what it is that narcissists pursue by doing it. We also cover narcissists' strong protective parts, how codependents in a relationship trigger cheating behaviours, and the difference between healthy and narcissistic abusive relationships.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The reasons behind your partner’s cheating
  • The role of self-soothing in cheating behaviours
  • What happens when two wounded younger parts meet in a relationship
  • How cheating can satisfy the need for narcissistic supply
  • Why we need to be mindful and empathetic with those who choose to stay in a cheating relationship

When we are cheated on, we tend to think it is our fault, that we are not good enough, not worthy. But when a narcissistic partner cheats on us, it’s not about us, but about their wounded younger parts, and their need to feel that sense of grandiosity. 

Resources:

 Dec 15, 2020
Anxiety, Depression and Narcissistic Abuse
19:27

Today we’re talking about anxiety and depression, not as mere symptoms that need to be treated, but as parts of us showing up for a certain reason. Let’s ask ourselves - why are we anxious, why are we depressed, why are those parts showing up?

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • Looking at anxiety and depression as trauma responses within our body
  • Deb Dana's ladder analogy in the context of narcissistic relationships
  • The role of anxiety as the sympathetic trauma response 
  • The role of depression in our system state
  • How to look at anxiety and depression as parts of ourselves and not identify with them
  • The reason why people stay in abusive relationships
  • How to understand the intentions of all our parts and welcome them to our system

Once we see anxiety and depression as parts of us reacting to trauma, we will realise that we are not a depressed or anxious individual, but we have parts that are showing up in order to distract us and soothe us from feeling the pain of our younger, wounded part.   

Resources:

 Dec 08, 2020
The Difference Between Narcissism and Confidence
21:00

Today I want to talk about two words that may conjure up very different concepts to you, and they are narcissism and confidence. We go over what narcissism is, what true confidence is, and how to tell a difference.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The difference between narcissistic traits and narcissistic personality disorder
  • The difficulties with diagnosing someone as a narcissist
  • Why we need to be careful when we use the word narcissist
  • Why we perceive narcissists as being confident and what lies beneath that confidence
  • Internal Family Systems and using Parts theory to understand narcissism
  • How to recognise truly confident persons

Because we can’t change narcissists, let’s get back to trying to live as much as possible as your true authentic self, as someone who is curious, calm, connected, courageous, creative, confident, compassionate, and lives with clarity. How much of your life are you living like that?

Resources:

 Dec 01, 2020
Signs of Dating a Narcissist
16:45

Today we talk about the little signs and the red flags that we must be aware of when we start dating someone new. Even after a traumatic separation, at some point we need to start meeting new people, but we must have ears and eyes open to the signs of narcissistic behavior, so we know what to do if they keep happening.  

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • How we can step out into the dating world after a traumatic experience
  • What is "love bombing" and how to detect it
  • A key red flag - the narcissist’s lack of empathy
  • Gaslighting as the real hallmark of narcissism
  • The "I'm not apologizing" story and why narcissists believe they’re never wrong
  • The importance of having a positive relationship with yourself

The dating world after a divorce or a breakup can be terrifying. But it's important to remember that being with someone is not always better than being single. So if we decide to take a new chance, we must have our narcissistic radar on point to avoid falling into that trap. 

Resources:

 Nov 24, 2020
Help!!! I'm Addicted to a Narcissist!
24:47

In this episode I’m talking about the addiction to the narcissist in your life, how to deal with it, and the first steps to overcome it. Remember that every addiction serves to stop us from feeling the pain of our wounded younger part, and today we are going to unpack that mechanism. 

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • Recognizing the difference between knowing you are good enough and feeling like you are not
  • How our body gets addicted to not feeling good enough
  • How our brain reacts to our biggest perceived pain
  • The importance of no contact or extremely modified contact with the narcissist in your life
  • Why our brain always reverts to what is familiar even when it’s painful 

In a relationship with a narcissistic person, we are continually trying to prove that we are good enough, and our body gets used to that sensation. Not feeling good enough then becomes familiar, and our brain perceives what's familiar as what's safe, thus ignores the pain we are feeling and perpetuates that cycle. 

Resources:

 Nov 17, 2020
The Narcissist's True Intention
19:06

Do narcissists deliberately try to hurt you? What is their driving force?

Even when they say or do horrible things to us, the narcissist’s intention is purely about themselves. What they pursue is the narcissistic drug of choice, what we call the narcissistic supply. That is the only thing they are after.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Narcissistic abuse happens TO you. It doesn’t happen BECAUSE of you.

- Why your pain is just the byproduct of the narcissist’s behavior

- Where the narcissist’s need for mistreating you really comes from

- Narcissistic aggression and manipulation as the expression of their younger, wounded part

- How to recognise when the narcissist is pretending to behave in a certain way to achieve what they want

When narcissists hurt us, they want to heal their wounds at our expense. It has nothing to do with our integrity or our values. So remember that it is YOU who is holding the power to heal, and change the perception of your own childhood experiences.

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

- Connect with me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

 Nov 10, 2020
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder
17:26
In this week’s episode, I want to talk about what exactly a narcissist is, and what tool is used to identify narcissistic personality disorder. We tend to wrongly label narcissists as those who take lots of selfies or those who are rude to us, and by doing that, we are not helping the real victims of narcissistic abuse. 
 
What You Will Learn In This Episode:
 
•The difference between being a narcissist and being obnoxious
•How being a victim of Narcissistic Personality Disorder affected me
•Are narcissistic personalities born or created?
•The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) nine traits to detect Narcissistic Personality Disorder
•The importance of educating the society regarding NPD and helping its victims
 
If someone you know ticks the boxes of at least five of the nine traits described by the DSM, the person has NPD. This method might help you get some reassurance of what you are dealing with and that it is not your fault.

Resources:

 Nov 03, 2020
Five Key Phrases to Disarm the Narcissist
15:30

Today I want to share with you the five key phrases that are great to disarm the narcissist. These phrases really helped me and my clients to understand that the power is within us to heal from narcissistic abuse.

Five Key Phrases to Disarm the Narcissist:

  1. I'm so sorry you feel like that.
  2. I can accept your faulty perception of me.
  3. I have no right to control how you see me.
  4. I accept that this is how you feel.
  5. Your anger is not my responsibility.

Keep me posted if you're using any of these five phrases to disarm the narcissist. I would love to hear what their expressions were like, what they said back to you. Even if you don't feel these right now, remember that it's all about dis-confirming those experiences, but we have to start somewhere. So give these phrases a try.

Resources:

 Oct 27, 2020
Narcissistic Abuse and Internal Family Systems
18:06

In this episode, I want to talk about the different parts of you, that may be stopping you from healing from narcissistic abuse.

In working with my clients, I use an evidence based parts therapy called Internal Family Systems, and I’m going to explain what it is and how it can help you heal.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • Internal Family Systems and the concept of True Self
  • Two main types of Protector parts - Manager and Firefighter
  • How physical conditions can play their parts
  • How we can change the roles of the parts to start healing from narcissistic abuse
  • How you can create a map of your parts to become aware of them
  • What is reconsolidation of memory

Working with parts as I explained them here can help you update that younger part of you, so the roles of the Protector parts won't need to be so reactive, proactive or destructive, and you can start healing from narcissistic abuse.

Resources:

 Oct 20, 2020
The Physical Effects of Narcissistic Abuse
19:47

We rarely talk about the illness and disease that come from being in a narcissistic relationship. Today I want to talk about the physical effects of the trauma of narcissistic abuse, about why that might happen, and I want to potentially give you some hope.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • How our bodies respond to stress.
  • Why our bodies remain in constant trauma when being in a relationship with a narcissistic.
  • The different areas of our brains and how they work in triggering situations.
  • The burdens and beliefs we carry that makes us a magnet to narcissistic people.
  • How talking therapy and brain body based therapy can help you.

A lot of the physical conditions that you have might be your body’s response to stress and trauma. I want you to get to know your body, your history, your timeline of events, and see if there's actually a root cause to whatever physical stress related illness you have.

Resources:

 Oct 13, 2020
Narcissistic Abuse and Overwhelming Fatigue
14:54

Many times people are saying to me ‘Caroline, I just struggle getting out of bed in the morning, and I know I should be doing x, y, and z but I just haven't got any energy, and I feel weak and ashamed.’ In this episode, I want to help you try and lift some of that guilt and shame off yourself.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • How our body and our nervous system works
  • The Polyvagal Theory and the ladder analogy
  • The roles of the ventral vagus and dorsal vagus
  • Freeze trauma response and the root of your overwhelming fatigue
  • How limbic system therapies like Brainspotting or EMDR can help you

So if you're feeling tired all the time, really take a look. Is that a trauma response? Because if you're healing from narcissistic abuse, know that it's not you being lazy or weak. It's just your normal natural nervous system response, it’s your body trying to protect you.

Resources:

 Oct 06, 2020
The 4 Trauma Responses of Narcissistic Abuse
16:00

In this episode, I want to talk to you about the 4 trauma responses when we talk about narcissistic abuse. Many of you have heard about fight, flight and freeze, but there's also a fourth one that’s lesser known - fawn or appease. So let’s go through each of these four, and see if you can resonate with any of them.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • What happens in our brain when we perceive danger
  • What is fight response and what is behind the anger you feel
  • Flight response and how it connects with anxiety
  • Freeze response, depression and survival mode
  • Fawn or Appease response and why it is typical for narcissistic abuse

Can you recognize those trauma responses in your behavior? Which ones were you in the most? Were you like me? Let me know!

Resources:

 Sep 29, 2020
Am I a Narcissist?
12:42

I get so many messages every day from people all over the world asking - Am I A Narcissist? The first answer I always say back to them is no, you're not a narcissist because no narcissist would ever ask themselves such a question.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • Why narcissists will never describe themselves as narcissists
  • How your doubts reveal your being abused
  • The psychological changes that happen in your brain due to narcissistic abuse
  • Why you feel like you can’t get out of a narcissistic relationship
  • In what cases narcissists will seemingly admit their abusive behaviour

If you are feeling upset right now wondering if You are the narcissist, please let me tell you you are definitely not. But it is good to have awareness that the reason you're thinking that is because you've been the victim of narcissistic abuse, and what you need to do now is get intentional about your healing.

Resources:

 Sep 22, 2020
Grey Rock The Narcissist
15:41

Today I want to talk to you about a term that you may have seen associated with narcissistic abuse.. This is Grey Rocking, and I’m going to explain how to be a Grey Rock around the narcissist.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • What Grey Rock means in the communication with a narcissist
  • Why it is necessary to adopt this behavior
  • How to avoid being activated by what the narcissist says
  • Practical tools to modify your communication with the narcissist
  • What reaction to Grey Rocking you can expect from them

I want you to give it a go now and be the Grey Rock to the narcissist. It gives you a sense of control, and being like that doesn't mean you're giving in. What it means is yourself taking your power back, so you can recognise that you deserve to heal, to survive, and you deserve 100% to thrive after the trauma of narcissistic abuse.

Resources:

 Sep 15, 2020
The Trauma Bond & Addiction To The Narcissist
16:53

I get messaged many times about the fact that people just can't break that addiction to the narcissist even if they know that it isn't the right thing for them to keep on messaging or emailing the narcissist in their life. We actually call this a trauma bond, and in this episode I explain exactly what it is.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • What is Stockholm Syndrome and how it relates to the trauma bond
  • What behaviour of the narcissist forms the trauma bond
  • What neuropeptides are and the brain chemistry side of the trauma bond
  • How to start creating the safe space for you to start healing
  • Why it is absolutely necessary to block or extremely modify communication with the narcissist in your life

Remember where you are right now with creating those neuropeptides, because that’s what we are addicted to. In order to break the addiction to the narcissist, we've got to calm that nervous system, so that we can create a space for you to start to heal the trauma of narcissistic abuse.

Resources:

 Sep 08, 2020
Why Talk Therapy Alone Can't Heal Narcissistic Abuse
19:15

While talking therapy does have a place in the recovery process, in this episode I'm going to explain to you exactly why talk therapy alone can't heal narcissistic abuse.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • Complex PTSD and why it so difficult to heal
  • The benefits and limits of talk therapy like CBT and DBT
  • Why you need a therapist who has been through the trauma of narcissistic abuse
  • Why talk therapy can access only 10% of your brain and what to do with the rest
  • How talk therapy can sometimes actually make you feel worse
  • How EMDR and Brainspotting therapies work

Wherever you are on your healing journey, please make sure that you are getting the right treatment for you. Look for a therapist who has been through what you have been through, and who is using brain-body based somatic psychotherapies, so they can help you shift in the part of the brain where the trauma is stuck, because if you don't do that, you could be in talk therapy for years.

Resources:

 

 Sep 01, 2020
What Is Gaslighting
20:06

Gaslighting is a very insidious form of psychological abuse. It leaves the victims feeling insane, thinking they are the crazy ones. In this episode I’m going to tell you some stories about gaslighting, so you can recognise it when you see it or experience it.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • Why narcissists will never question themselves
  • The examples of gaslighting
  • How continuous gaslighting changes your brain physiologically
  • Why you need to learn to believe your gut
  • Being angry with yourself as a sign of healing  

I'd love to hear if you've got any stories of gaslighting. Are they as wild as wacky as mine?

Resources:

 Aug 25, 2020
The Family Dynamics Of Narcissistic Abuse
15:31

Today I’m talking about the family dynamics of narcissistic abuse, and the different roles that occur within a family. In particular, I want to talk about the scapegoat within the family when you have a narcissistic parent.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • What is a scapegoat?
  • Why narcissistic mothers are particularly harmful to a child
  • The examples of scapegoating within a family
  • How scapegoating affects a child’s beliefs about themselves
  • Why narcissistic personality disorder cannot be cured
  • How you can heal your children by healing your own codependency

I'm a big believer that when you heal yourself you heal the next generation. So just because your children have a parent that is a narcissist does not mean that they will be a codependent or a narcissist. You can break the cycle of scapegoating, you can heal, and the reason I know that is because that's exactly what I did.

Resources:

 Aug 20, 2020
The Root Cause Of Narcissistic Abuse
12:40

It's not a coincidence that you end up in a relationship with a narcissist. There are always patterns to this type of behaviour. So where does it all start? That’s what we are looking at today.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • How unhealed inner child wounds manifest in our adult life
  • Why it is wrong to leave babies to cry and fall asleep by themselves
  • How our brain actually keeps us safe by keeping us stuck in the trauma response
  • Where our inner feeling that the world is unsafe comes from
  • How to heal and upgrade our inner operative system

What we have to look at here is deep inner child healing. When we heal and upgrade that inner child into your world today, we get a level of understanding, and when we heal that inner wound, we can change everything.

Resources:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

 Aug 17, 2020
Codependency And Narcissism
15:49

In today's episode I want to talk about codependency and the narcissist, because a codependent is literally a magnet to a narcissist. We will go over what codependency is, and the mechanism behind the codependent-narcissist mutual attraction.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • What is exactly codependency?
  • The roots of the lack of self-love and self-worth in childhood
  • The similarities and differences between a narcissist and a codependent
  • How we end up in the vicious circle of a narcissist-codependent relationship
  • Why it’s easier to heal codependency than narcissism
  • How to start with healing your codependency

When you put expectations on other people to behave in a certain way for you to feel good enough, you're putting your happiness in someone else's hands. You need to take responsibility to go within and heal your wounds first. And when you heal your own codependency, you change everything because you stop looking externally to get your sense of self worth.

Resources:

 Aug 16, 2020
Surviving Narcissistic Abuse
15:33

The question is - can you ever survive narcissistic abuse? Right now you might be feeling like you are in a long dark tunnel, feeling angry, guilty, shameful and having no energy to get out of it. But I’m passionate about helping you and educating you on how to start overcoming this trauma.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • How to tackle the feeling of overwhelm by narcissistic abuse
  • Introduction to our parasympathetic nervous system
  • How our childhood wounds condition our nervous system
  • The value of body-based therapy for processing childhood trauma
  • Being in the present moment as the key for changing your trauma response

So the short answer to whether you can survive narcissistic abuse is yes, absolutely. And I don't just want you to survive, I want you to thrive and help you find meaning in what you have been through.

Resources:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

 Aug 15, 2020
How To Divorce From A Narcissist
19:07

So you found yourself married to a narcissist, and you are thinking about leaving. Or maybe you have already started the process of divorcing a narcissist, and you realise that it is only just beginning. In this episode we are covering steps and resources that can help you go through this difficult process.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • Why divorcing a narcissist is not like other divorces
  • How to take care of your personal safety first
  • The three lanes when divorcing a narcissist
  • Legal lane aspects: divorce, children and finances
  • Why mediation doesn’t work with a narcissist
  • Emotional lane: blocking or modifying communication
  • Other people lane: creating new friendships based on trust, love and connection   

Know that the first year of divorcing a narcissist is going to be really tough, but you can do it. I trust you and I believe in you, but you've got to focus on your safety and on your mental health.

Resources:

 Aug 13, 2020
What Is Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
20:10

I'm sure most of you have heard of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. But there is something else called Complex PTSD. So in today’s episode we are talking about the Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • What Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is
  • The difference between PTSD and Complex PTSD
  • Being busy all the time as one of the traits of Complex PTSD
  • Avoiding certain things and lack of memory as possible signs of the Complex PTSD
  • How dissociation, flashbacks and intrusive thoughts manifest in Complex PTSD
  • Long-term health risks of this disorder
  • The neuroscience behind the Complex PTSD

If you can relate to some of the symptoms of the Complex PTSD, it doesn't mean you're going to have this forever. It just means that trauma is stuck, and what we have to do is unstick it, process it, get it time stamped into the past and move forward. I believe you, but it is your responsibility to do something about it. And I’m here to support you.

Resources:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse 

 Aug 12, 2020
Covert Narcissist - The Most Dangerous Type
19:49

When we talk about narcissism, we talk about the two main categories of narcissists - overt and covert narcissists. You know that person who walks into the room, has a sense of grandiosity and commands the attention? That’s an overt narcissist. But today I want to focus on the other type, the covert narcissist, and why I believe it’s the most dangerous type of narcissists.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • Why covert narcissists are difficult to recognise
  • How to spot passive aggressive behaviour
  • Self-criticism or shyness as possible traits of a covert narcissist
  • The false sense of self and the childhood wounds of narcissists
  • Why narcissists never seek a therapist
  • Envy, jealousy and false empathy
  • How covert narcissists present themselves as victims
  • Focusing on yourself as the first step in healing from narcissistic abuse  

So let me know - do you have a covert narcissist in your life? Can you relate to anything that I've covered in this episode?

Resources:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

 Aug 11, 2020
Why Narcissistic Abuse is Trauma
17:11

Narcissistic abuse isn't just some bad breakup or somebody being mean to you. This is actual trauma. In this episode I want to explain what trauma is, and to educate you on what exactly narcissistic abuse is.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • The definition of trauma
  • Why narcissistic abuse is trauma
  • The 4 trauma responses: fight, flight, freeze and fawn
  • Why our perception is key in triggering a trauma response
  • The origins of trauma responses
  • What codependency is
  • How to start healing the trauma

Although narcissistic abuse is trauma, it doesn't need to define you. I want to help you find meaning in it, so you can go on and not just heal your trauma, but you can actually thrive after narcissistic abuse.

Resources:

 Aug 11, 2020
Welcome To The Narcissistic Abuse & Trauma Recovery Podcast
10:12

Narcissistic abuse is abuse to the very core of who you are. It leaves you feeling broken, lost, shameful and guilty.

How many of you wake up each morning feeling like you just don't want to get out of bed and face the world, like you are stuck in the freeze trauma response, not knowing what to do?

How many of you are maybe still in a relationship with a narcissist, whether it’s your parent, your partner, a co-worker or a friend, and you're desperately trying to please them every day, but you feel like you are not good enough, like it's your fault and you need to try harder?

I know what it’s like because that was me.

I’m Caroline Strawson and I want this podcast to support and educate you to know that where you are right now does not need to be where you will be in the future.

The journey of self-healing my own trauma of narcissistic abuse has led me to create a multi-award winning business. I use a unique integration of therapies such as EMDR, Brainspotting, Rapid Transformational Therapy and Positive Psychology to help women like you recover from narcissistic abuse.

Every week I will be delivering snapshots of education, support and inspiration, so you can slowly start to see the light at the end of the tunnel and heal the trauma of narcissistic abuse.

Thank you for listening and see you in the next episode! 

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 Aug 10, 2020