Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen

By Elise Loehnen and Cadence13

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45-minute conversations and investigations with today's leading thinkers, authors, experts, doctors, healers, scientists about life's biggest questions: Why do we do what we do? How can we come to know and love ourselves better? How can we come together to heal and build a better world?

Episode Date
Challenging the Stories We Tell Ourselves (Elizabeth Lesser)
3428
Today’s guest is Elizabeth Lesser, bestselling author of classics like Broken Open, and co-founder of the Omega Institute, an internationally recognized retreat center, renowned for its workshops and conferences in wellness, spirituality, creativity, and social change. Throughout her life, Elizabeth has been somewhat of a doula for people in transition, for those who are looking for answers to some of life’s biggest questions—she helps them cross chasms, simply by pointing out the path “The obviousness of something that has been with us forever and must change, is often the most painful part”, she says. Lesser joins me today to talk about her newest book, Cassandra Speaks: When Women are the Storytellers, the Human Story Changes, which interrogates the way in which our origin tales and hero myths, where men are the prototype human, continue to influence our culture. She reminds us that these old stories are only half natural, and challenges us to activate, fund, and educate the emotional and caring nature we all possess, to face our shadows in order to recreate an Eden in which there is room for everyone.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Women, storytelling, and paying attention to the world within us Elevating the importance of the caretaker Changing systems, changing self MORE FROM ELIZABETH LESSER: Omega Institute Cassandra Speaks Broken Open Marrow The Seeker’s Guide Follow Elizabeth on Instagram  and Twitter DIG DEEPER: Biobehavioral Responses to Stress in Females: Tend-and-Befriend, Not Fight-or-Flight - Shelley Taylor, UCLA In the Bonobo World, Female Camaraderie Prevails - NYT, Natalie Angier Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Jan 20, 2022
Unblocking the Creative Self (Julia Cameron)
3231
 “Are you doing something that brings you joy? Are you doing something that brings you fulfillment? Do you take yourself seriously when you have a dream or do you say, “Oh you are being too big for your britches?” What happens with morning pages is we are led into expansion —we are trained by the pages to take risks. The first risk is putting it on the page, the second risk is saying to yourself, “Oh I couldn’t try that.” The pages keep nudging you, and finally you say, “Oh alright I’ll try,” and the “oh alright I’ll try” is what brings you to an expanded sense of self because the risk you are afraid to take soon becomes the risk you have taken…” so says Julia Cameron, best-selling author of more than forty books, poet, songwriter, filmmaker and playwright. Hailed by many as “The Godmother” of creativity, Julia is credited with starting a movement in 1992 that has brought creativity into the mainstream. Her book, The Artist’s Way, has been translated into forty languages and sold over five million copies to date, inspiring millions of readers with its egalitarian view of creativity: We’ve all got it, and Julia is on a mission to help us unlock it. The book bestows the reader with a practical toolkit, including the famous Morning Pages and Artist Dates, in service of the broader creative journey and personal rejuvenation. Her newest book, Seeking Wisdom, explores connecting to the artistic process through prayer. In this episode of Pulling the Thread, Julia and I talk creativity, process, and purpose. We are so worried about being selfish, Julia says, that we end up investing disproportionately in the lives and dreams of others—sacrificing our own passions in the process. Her approach guides readers, one step at a time, out of a stymied life and into a more expansive, more joyful existence, opening up opportunities for self-growth and self-discovery. I hope our conversation resonates with the creator in all of you.  MORE FROM JULIA CAMERON: SEEKING WISDOM THE ARTIST’S WAY Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Jan 13, 2022
The Guru in Our Own Minds (Mark Epstein, M.D.)
3389
“But the true guru, you know, the Buddha came and turned all that inside out. You know the Buddha taught the Four Noble Truths and the word he used, “the Noble,” that came out of that, like the Brahmans were the Nobles. But the Buddha was like, no, the Nobles aren't, it's not that priest over there, lighting the fire, the sacred fire, the noble thing is like your own ethic, your own internal ethic, your own loving heart is the noble thing. The Buddha was all about that. He was a good, you know, cognitive therapist in that way, turning, turning people's concepts inside out.” So says Mark Epstein, a psychiatrist and Buddhist who has written several brilliant and beautiful books about the Venn diagram of meditation and therapy. In his latest: THE ZEN OF THERAPY, he reveals more of his own backstory, how as a young med school student trying to bridge the gap between his role as a doctor and his love of Eastern spirituality he came to help Dr. Benson study meditation and its benefits for the body. He opens the books though, by explaining that meditation is not a panacea, it is instead a rare opportunity to get quiet with yourself, to observe your own mind, and to process your emotions. In the ZEN OF THERAPY, Mark recounts a year of therapy sessions where he was able to provide psychotherapy paired WITH Buddhist insights—it’s a wonderful and fascinating book—I personally LOVE reading about peoples’ therapy sessions—and it offers many takeaways for anyone, including the ways in which we fixate on our childhoods rather than focusing on the evolution of our own identities, and where our own resistance to change can point the way to healing. OK, let’s get to our conversation. MORE FROM MARK EPSTEIN, M.D. THE ZEN OF THERAPY by Mark Epstein, M.D. ADVICE NOT GIVEN by Mark Epstein, M.D. THE TRAUMA OF EVERYDAY LIFE by Mark Epstein, M.D. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Jan 06, 2022
Struggle is Real—Suffering is Optional (BJ Miller)
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“My goal isn't to not be afraid, my goal is to have a relationship with fear. So I presume fear is going to be part of the picture. So my goal is more to have a relationship to that fear so I can move with it so I can push back on it so I can learn from it. Um, and so it doesn't have so much power over me, but I, I've not, I've not met any truly fearless people. It's more that I've met people who understand their fear and have made peace with it.” So says BJ Miller, a remarkable doctor who specializes in palliative medicine and end-of-life care, which ironically means that he spends most of his time teaching people how to really live. When BJ was an undergrad at Princeton, he climbed an electrified train car and ended up as a triple-amputee and long-term patient. Understanding the healthcare system from the inside out inspired him to go to medical school—and it also put him into a deep and reflective dance with mortality, fear, and what it means to lean into life. He has become a cultural sherpa, showing us all what this looks like. These days, he is the founder of Mettle Health, which makes palliative care more accessible: He offers virtual consultations and guidance for individuals and families dealing with practical, emotional, and existential issues.  He joins me today as we discuss his work on life, death, and how we go about handling the in between. Our conversation covers the cultural numbness to death in the abstract and the concrete fear that arises when death becomes personal. We forget, BJ says, that suffering and dying are fundamental and intrinsic parts of life. When we allow ourselves to acknowledge the many small deaths that occur throughout our lives—whether it be the death of a relationship, of a career, or of a way of life - we can use these moments to practice losing and letting go, gaining clarity around what truly matters in the process. The goal, BJ tells us, is not to be unafraid of the end, but rather to cultivate a love of life so big, that it encompasses death as well. I am thrilled to call BJ a dear friend, and am even MORE thrilled to bring this conversation to you as we contemplate the year that just was, and the year to come.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Contemplating death and a fascination with life… Big deaths, small deaths… The illusive sweet spot of perspective… Stripping down… MORE FROM BJ MILLER A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO THE END by BJ Miller Mettle Health BJ Miller - What Really Matters at the End of Life - Ted Talk, 2015 One Man's Quest to Change the Way We Die - The New York Times Magazine After a Freak Accident, a Doctor Finds Insight into Living Life and Facing Death - BJ on NPR's Fresh Air with Terry Gross Follow BJ on Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Dec 30, 2021
Where Should Work Fit in Our Lives (Anne Helen Petersen & Charlie Warzel)
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“Like family relationship has obligations that go both ways. Hopefully there's unconditional love there, but it's also the, like your re your family and, and, and the other people in your family see you as family too. But in a job, if you, the, the whole family thing goes one way, you're supposed to give and give and give and give and, and, and, and feel this like guilt and obligation to your company and your coworkers, your company at any moment can sever those ties, you know, your is at will employment in, in this country. And, and, and so, like, that's not part of a, a family thing. That's not unconditional. Your job is totally conditional.” So says Charlie Warzel, who together with Anne Helen Petersen, wrote OUT OF OFFICE: THE BIG PROBLEM AND BIGGER PROMISE OF WORKING FROM HOME. Petersen and Warzel, ditched New York City for the promise of a better life/work balance out west a few years ago, which gave them a headstart on understanding the reality of working from home—before it became a reality for the rest of the world through the pandemic. Both culture, media, and technology journalists for Buzzfeed at the time, they found that the promise of work from home was not a panacea for more time to spend in nature: Like the rest of us—just earlier—they discovered that they were spending even more time PERFORMING their work, showing their managers back in New York City that they deserved the privilege of being untethered from a traditional office. Being out of the office only added to their anxiety and overwhelm. So when COVID hit, they were already aware of both the the pitfalls and potential of work from home—their fantastic book, which just came out, offers a survey of how we find ourselves in this intractable bind today, where for too many of us, our jobs have taken over the center of our lives, and how we can use this opportunity to reshape workplaces for a more sustainable future. In our conversation we talk about how we don’t prioritize the art of managers, how the idea of time and output is problematic for so many people who are not, actually machines, and what a more inclusive and human HR structure might look like, if it weren’t engineered to avoid abuse and instead could focus solely on providing support. Let’s get to our conversation. MORE FROM ANNE HELEN PETERSEN & CHARLIE WARZEL OUT OF OFFICE by Anne Helen Petersen & Charlie Warzel CAN’T EVEN by Anne Helen Petersen THE BURNOUT GENERATION by Anne Helen Petersen “Galaxy Brain” newsletter from Charlie Warzel “Culture Study” newsletter from Anne Helen Petersen Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Dec 23, 2021
Why Don’t We Believe Women? (Deborah Turkheimer)
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“Outside the legal context, I'm urging readers and listeners in this case to think very deliberately about whether that high standard of proof beyond a reasonable doubt is really necessary before a person will believe so to speak, will feel confident enough to offer, let's say, support to a roommate or to a coworker. And I want to suggest that we should actually require much less by way of certainty and confidence in order to offer that kind of support to someone who is in an informal setting coming to us as a kind of first responder, because this is how most allegations surface. People rarely go to the police. First more often, they turn to a trusted confidant, someone within their inner circle. And it's the response of that individual that's likely to affect the trajectory to come” so says Deborah Tuerkheimer, a Harvard and Yale-educated lawyer, former New York District Attorney specializng in domestic violence and child abuse protection and current professor at the Northwestern Pritzker School of Law where she teaches and writes about criminal law, evidence, and feminist legal theory. To say she is impressive is a massive understatement. Today she joins me to discuss her book, CREDIBLE: Why We Doubt Accusers and Protect Abusers. We dive into a conversation about credibility and sexual assault: What makes a credible victim? How do culture, law, and psychology shape our judgement? And how can our systems be more responsive to the needs of survivors? In the court of cultural opinion, Deb says, we disservice so many victims by dismissing and discounting their pain that sometimes, the aftermath is almost worse than the event itself. We talk about the myth of the false accuser, underreporting as a reflection of our cultural credibility context, and the dangerous archetypes of the perfect victim and the monster abuser.  Finally, we discuss the push for restorative justice processes, which must begin with an acknowledgement of responsibility from the offender, and then go on to ask: “What will it take to repair the harm?”, ultimately turning to the victim and their community to answer that question.  Please note that today’s episode contains information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors - I encourage you to care for your safety and well-being. MORE FROM DEB TUERKHEIMER CREDIBLE: Why We Doubt Accusers and Protect Abusers More Books, Articles and Op-Eds by Deb Tuerkheimer Deb's Website DIG DEEPER: RAINN: the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800.656.HOPE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Dec 16, 2021
The Reprioritization of Relationship (Lori Gottlieb)
3213
“I think what COVID did was it really made people realize that the state of their emotions, the state of their relationships, all of those things that felt very optional, meaning they were important to people, but in the rushing around of daily life, you, you could kind of ignore them a little bit. Um, you know, you didn't have to really think about them or face them. They weren't, a mirror was not being held up to you in the way that it was during COVID. And so I think that the, the good thing that came out of all of this is that people really said, oh, I want to understand this better.” So says Lori Gottlieb, one of my favorite conversation partners. Lori is a psychotherapist and the author of the bestselling MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE, which is a brilliant exploration of what it means to be in therapy and be a therapist—in her storytelling, she manages to touch on everything from existential anxiety to inconceivable loss. She’s also the co-host of the DEAR THERAPIST podcast, a brilliant show that tackles peoples’ real problems, like narcissistic partners and parental alienation. In today’s episode of this podcast, Lori and I get into the impact of COVID on our partnerships, the often uncredited grief of single people, and how we can come to deepen the intimacy of our most important relationships, whether they’re with lovers, friends, family, or even co-workers. EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: We’re all unreliable narrators…(6:05) Emotional egalitarianism…(16:00) COVID and the great reprioritization…(22:53) When is it time to let a relationship go...(36:44) MORE FROM LORI: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: The Workbook Dear Therapists Podcast Lori's Website Lori's Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Dec 09, 2021
Solving the American Gun Crisis (Ryan Busse)
3473
“The NRA and gun owners then signified, you know, the sort of comradery, responsibility, safety, sort of a bygone, I don't know, sort of an Americana, right? The Campbell soup can sort of Americana. I don't remember ever seeing or hearing about the impending demise of the Republic, or how evil every Democrat was, or how we should hate our neighbors, or how we should arm ourselves for an eventual civil war or an insurrection. That was never, that was never a part of my upbringing.”  So says Ryan Busse, author of GUNFIGHT: MY BATTLE AGAINST THE INDUSTRY THAT RADICALIZED AMERICA. Busse, who spent decades running gun sales for Kimber in Whitefish, Montana, which focused, until recently, on crafting hunting rifles and other firearms for sportsmen, quit his job last year after he realized that his dreams of transforming the gun industry from inside—or at least being a consistent voice of reason and morality—were fantasy. He watched as the industry he used to love became increasingly toxic, distorted, and militant. In his book, which is a fascinating look at the forces within the NRA and the way they’ve radicalized America, he deftly explains all the reasons we are where we are today: Where our children are forced to practice active shooter drills at school, and where other kids—like 17-year-old Kyle Rittenhouse—can buy a semi-automatic AR-15 style rifle and kill two people while wounding another. And then be acquitted for self-defense. As he argues, we are on the brink of a Civil War with gun-owning, far Right militants. I know we’re scared, and he believes we have every reason to be. Like Busse, I’m also from Montana, and know many people who hunt—growing up, guns were present but never abundant. Now, responsible gun owners are being pushed aside by militant couch commandos, who are desperate, to quote Busse, “to shoot a democrat.”  While Busse is no longer in the industry, he is firmly in the movement for common sense gun laws, arguing that our best chance for reform is to bring hunters and sportsmen on-side. As he explains, it can be done—and we can bring the NRA to its knees.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Exploring the cultural connection to guns…(12:12) Hate, conspiracy, national tragedies and gun sales…(16:56) Profiting off of fear…(32:06) What do we do?...(40:04) MORE FROM RYAN BUSSE Gunfight: My Battle Against the Industry that Radicalized America Ryan Busse's Website Follow Ryan on Twitter and on Instagram DIG DEEPER: The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals - Michael Pollan FBI background checks, a proxy for gun sales, surged in 2020 - The Economist, January 2021 GET INVOLVED: Mom’s Demand Action Everytown for Gun Safety Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Dec 02, 2021
My Spiritual Teacher & Yeshua Channel (Carissa Schumacher)
5390
Since she was a little girl, Carissa Schumacher has always seen and spoken to dead people. She pushed all of that aside, went to Brown and got her Neuroscience Degree, tried to have a normal life and career, and then Spirit made the call and she put that down and started working as an empathic intuitive and forensic psychic medium. She led retreats in Sedona, and worked with clients around the world, including doing a lot of pro bono work on crimes. This was all well and good until October 2019, around the time when I first met her. When Carissa was little an angelic presence told her she would be a channel for Yeshua of Nazareth, which she didn't think about much at the time. She wasn't raised in a religious household, she didn't even know what it meant. But then Yeshau “birthed” in her channel. This means that while she was leading a retreat in Sedona, Yeshua took over her body, and voice, and gave a transmission, or a teaching. Yeshua, as you might've guessed, is Jesus. If it sounds wild, it is. I have been in the presence of Carissa while she's channeling Yeshua many times now. And it is unlike anything I've ever experienced before. I would say that it's incredible, but they've also been some of the most grounded moments of my life. Yeshua is funny, brilliant, kind—an ascended master like Buddha or Lao Tzu. And as he talks, you can feel the codex is of energy behind his words. The transmissions also are not particularly religious. If that makes sense, as he has remarked, he never wanted a church in his name. And the Bible is a series of stories. Some that are instructive, some that are parables, many told by people who never knew him. Last year. He asked Carissa to turn on her recorder for several days and he brought forth The Freedom Transmissions, a series of teachings about the year that we just experienced, plus how to move forward. It is a beautiful book you can open and flip to almost any page and find something of resonance and need. In today's conversation, we talk about The Freedom Transmissions, as well as other moments from Yeshua transmissions I've heard over the years, including about the one thing that humans actually own, which is time. We talk about co-creation. We talk about the true definition of atonement, and we talk about the idea of freedom and how hard it is to make the leap from the cage. As she says, she is not Yeshua, just one of his channels and a student alongside the rest of us, but she still has a brilliant mind.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Connecting to consciousness to change the world…(17:10) Repentance, humility, and perfection…(38:01) Out of servitude through suffering, into servitude through joy…(47:56)  Planting seeds of faith, forgiveness, and freedom…(1:07:49) MORE FROM CARISSA: The Book’s Website The Freedom Transmissions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Nov 24, 2021
How to End Zero-Sum Thinking (Heather McGhee)
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Heather McGhee is a designer of, and advocate for, solutions to inequality in America. We discuss her New York Times bestselling book, The Sum of Us: What Racism Costs Everyone and How We Can Prosper Together, in which she seeks to push us all past zero-sum thinking, or the idea that if you get something you want or need, it must mean that I get less. In fact, she points to numerous examples throughout history that show how this framework has made our society more cruel and poorer than it otherwise might be. Heather pushes us to recognize the fingerprints of racism in all of our core dysfunctions, from climate change, to the roots of the financial crisis, to the ongoing fight for universal healthcare.  “We must stop the siloed thinking that racism is great for white people and bad for people of color,” Heather says, “if you pull that thread, that’s exactly the same zero sum logic racists hold, that progress for people of color has to come at the expense of white people, that we are at odds, fighting over crumbs…there has to be a better paradigm of mutual benefit.” The Sum of Us is a story of why “drained pool politics”—an idea named after the fact that in the ‘50s and ‘60s, many towns chose to fill in their public pools and lose access to this social good rather than integrate them and share them with Black people—is costing everyone, in ongoing ways. She offers that with multiracial coalitions we can subvert fear mongering about an equitable society and fight for a more prosperous nation for all.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Chronicling the disappearance of public goods and the retreat from public life following the New Deal (Approx. 8:26) Investigating the roots of zero sum thinking, finding fingerprints of racism in all of our core disfunction (Approx. 35:22) Fighting for solidarity dividends (Approx. 36:35) MORE FROM HEATHER MCGHEE The Sum of Us: What Racism Costs Everyone and How We Can Prosper Together  Heather McGhee's Website Follow Heather on Twitter and on Instagram HEATHER’S PICKS: Floodlines - The Story of an Unnatural Disaster Hosted by Vann R. Newkirk II Four Hundred Souls: A Community History of African America, 1619-2019 The City We Became - N. K. Jemisin DIG DEEPER: Support for Government Guaranteed Job and Standard of Living by Demographic Group - the ANES Guide to Public Opinion and Electoral Behavior Which racial/ethnic groups care most about climate change? - Yale Program on Climate Change Communication 2021 Voting Laws Round Up - the Brennan Center for Justice GET INVOLVED: Check Your Voter Registration Status, Register to Vote, Find Your Polling Place, and more Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Nov 18, 2021
Navigating an Addictive Culture (Anna Lembke, M.D.)
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“We are living in a world that primes us all for the problem of addiction. So even though some people come into this world more vulnerable than others, simply being alive in the world today has made us all vulnerable to the problem of addiction,” so says our guest today, Dr. Anna Lembke. Dr. Lembke is a professor of psychiatry at Stanford University School of Medicine and chief of the Stanford Addiction Medicine Dual Diagnosis Clinic. An expert in all things addiction, Dr. Lembke has published more than a hundred peer-reviewed papers, book chapters, and commentaries; she sits on the board of several state and national addiction-focused organizations, has testified before various Congressional Committees, and does so all while maintaining a thriving clinical practice.  On today’s episode, we discuss her instant New York Times Bestseller, Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence, which explores the many faces of addiction. Dr. Lembke notes that addiction is a spectrum disorder, and though we often attempt to otherize “addicts”, the exact same mental machinery engaged in so-called severe addiction is engaged in the compulsive over-consumption that afflicts many of us. We discuss the way in which our brain is wired to balance pleasure and pain and how to know when our consumption has crossed from healthy, recreational use to addictive, maladaptive use. Finally, Dr. Lembke leaves us with some strategies for recalibrating our neural-balance, including the perhaps counterintuitive remedy of exposing ourselves to pain in order to treat our pain.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Identifying the risk factors for addiction…(5:53) The balance between pleasure and pain…(11:45) The Dopamine Guideposts…(18:49)  Finding healing stories and re-calibrating the neuro-plasticity of the brain…(28:21) MORE FROM ANNA LEMBKE: Anna Lembke's Website Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence Drug Dealer, MD – How Doctors Were Duped, Patients Got Hooked, and Why It’s So Hard to Stop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Nov 11, 2021
What Our Anger Teaches Us (Harriet Lerner, Ph.D)
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“I think it's very important to mention also, Elise, that even if a woman feels permission to be angry, that anger is such a tricky mischievous emotion that it's so difficult to know what our anger means or what to do with it. So we may know that we’re angry and anger activates us to, to act, to take a position, to do something, but our anger does not tell us what the real issue is, who is responsible for what, what is the best way to proceed with our anger…” So says psychotherapist Dr. Harriet Lerner. Lerner is known and beloved for her many best-selling books about women, family systems, and relationships, including the classic Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships, which we explore in today's episode.  Lerner believes that anger is an essential, but oftentimes misunderstood and mismanaged emotion. She set out to write Dance of Anger to tackle female anger specifically, of which nothing had been written at that time. When women are discouraged from discussing their anger, she tells us, they lose a sense of self, as the pain of our anger preserves our dignity. We discuss the stereotype of the unloving, unlovable, and destructive angry woman, and the way in which female anger is only deemed acceptable when it is on the behalf of others. Lerner leaves us with tips for beginning to work through our anger productively, starting with moving toward assertive self-definition without asking for permission, and ultimately becoming careful observers of our own role in the patterns that keep us stuck in anger so that we may make positive, lasting change on our own behalf.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: The importance of anger…(5:25) Are you a nice lady or a bitch…(9:00) Working through anger productively…(21:40)  Moving towards self definition…(36:36) MORE FROM HARRIET LERNER: Harriet Lerner's Website The Dance Of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Pattern of Intimate Relationships The Dance Of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate The Dance Of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships The Dance Of Fear: Rising Above Anxiety, Fear, and Shame to Be Your Best and Bravest Self The Dance Of Deception: A Guide to Authenticity and Truth-Telling in Women's Relationships Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Nov 04, 2021
Where Did the Patriarchy Come From? (Riane Eisler, PhD)
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Our guest today is Dr. Riane Eisler, social systems scientist, cultural historian, futurist, attorney and internationally bestselling author of many notable classics, including Sacred Pleasure and The Chalice and the Blade, which I read recently and LOVED—while it came out in the ‘80s, it is incredibly prescient—prophetic really—and more relevant than ever. In it, and all of her books, Riane explores the ways in which hierarchies of dominance—which are NOT our natural state—inform how we live now. “What we’ve been told is simply a false story of our past, of our present, and most importantly today, the possibilities for our future,” she explains. Dr. Eisler joins me today to discuss her newest work, Nurturing Our Humanity: How Domination and Partnership Shape Our Brains, Lives, and Future. In the book, Eisler implores us to awaken to the notion that injustice, inequality, violence, and domination do not tell the full story of human possibility. “We humans were really wired more for partnership than for domination,” she says. Guided by the ethos of partnership, Dr. Eisler’s work challenges each of us to play a role in the construction of a more equitable, more sustainable, and less violent world through investment in human infrastructure and a dedication to raising future generations by different scripts and constructs than those given to us. People’s minds can be changed, she reminds us, but a change in consciousness starts with the knowledge that there are different, better, possibilities.   EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Exploring caring economics, human infrastructure, and the alienation of caring labor (Approx. 5:09) The partnership model and the fight against sticky myths of domination (Approx. 11:00) Replumbing our dysfunctional operating system (Approx. 29:35) MORE FROM RIANE EISLER: Riane's Website Nurturing Our Humanity: How Domination and Partnership Shape Our Brains, Lives, and Future The Chalice & The Blade: Our History, Our Future The Real Wealth of Nations: Creating a Caring Economics The Power of Partnership: Sevens Relationships That Will Change Your Life Breaking Out of the Domination Trance: Building Foundations for a Safe, Equitable, Caring World RIANE’S PICKS: My Octopus Teacher - Netflix, 2020 Grandfather's Garden: Some Bedtime Stories for Little and Big Folk - David Loye DIG DEEPER More on Partnership Systems and the Partnerism Movement Courses in Partnership - Changing Our Story, Changing Our Lives Sexual Dimorphism in European Upper Paleolithic Cave Art - Dean Snow, Society for American Archaeology, 2013  A World Without Women: The Christian Clerical Culture of Western Science - David Noble, 2013 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Oct 28, 2021
Healing Male Depression (Terry Real)
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“Before our boys have learned to read, they have already read the stoic code of masculinity and are conforming to it.” says Terry Real, world-renowned family therapist, speaker, best-selling author and founder of the Relational Life Institute, where he offers workshops for couples, individuals, parents and therapists. He is also a dear friend. While he’s best known for his couples work, decades ago, he wrote the landmark book on male depression, which I cannot recommend enough. It’s called, I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, and with it, Real established himself as one of the most respected voices in the treatment of men and the healing of their relationships with the world. In this episode, we talk about why depression is “illegal” for men, the cultural programming of boys, and forced detachment in the name of autonomy. Our culture of individualism, Real says, has done as much damage as our culture of patriarchy—leaving men little room for the type of connection and relationality that we humans live for. He leaves us with the steps for deprogramming ourselves from patriarchal thinking and parenting as well as the ways in which we can support the men in our lives in service of deeper connection and the pursuit of greater relational joy.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Exploring Terry’s theory of male depression…(2:30) The cultural programming of boys…(12:50) Active trauma, passive trauma, and the severing of connection in the name of autonomy …(19:50)  Icarus syndrome and learning to find relational joy…(37:08) MORE FROM TERRY REAL: Terry's Website I Don't Want To Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression How Can I Get Through To You?: Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women The New Rules Of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work Take Terry's Online Course - Staying in Love: The Art of Fierce Intimacy DIG DEEPER: Find an RLT Certified Therapist Near You  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Oct 21, 2021
Women, Food & Hormones (Sara Gottfried, M.D.)
3814
Our guest today is Dr. Sara Gottfried - a Harvard educated doctor, scientist, researcher, mother, and seeker with 25 years of experience practicing precision, functional, and integrative medicine. Gottfried specializes in root cause analysis, as she firmly believes that the greatest health transformations unfold when you address the root cause of illness, not simply the signs. She is the author of three New York Times best selling books focused on healing our cells, and our souls.  Today we discuss her most recent book Women, Food, and Hormones. Yes, we talked about all of those things, but we also explored the culture of weight and wellness, and why the scale is not always a predictor of our health. She took us through the intricacies of our metabolic function, and we together questioned whether the “perfect” body we have in our head even matches the body that allows us to function at our best. As she explains: “I feel like women are stuck. They're stuck between diet culture, which I think many of us reject this idea that we're supposed to be thinner, obedient, smaller, take up less space and have these unrealistic standards for how we're supposed to look. And then we also have the fat acceptance movement. And what I like to do is to position myself in the middle where the focus is on metabolic health.” She walks us through her protocol for hormone balance, opening up detoxification pathways, and even gives us a script for talking to our doctors and regaining agency when it comes to our health. Gottfried implores us to remember that we are deserving of support at any age, and that righteous indignation when it comes to our health can move mountains.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Discussion of Diet Culture & Body Positivity: Approx. 5:24 Metabolic Health: Approx. 9:40 Importance of Testosterone for Women: Approx. 19:31 Wearables: Approx. 23:48 The Ketogenic Diet for Women: Approx. 28:34 Detox: Approx. 38:42 Discussion of Courageous Conversations with Doctors: Approx. 49:54 MORE FROM SARA GOTTFRIED, M.D.: Women, Food, and Hormones Dr. Sara Gottfried’s Website Dutch Hormone Test Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Oct 14, 2021
The Legacy of White Feminism (Kyla Schuller)
3903
“There's a fantasy in argument, in Lean In, or Girlboss style corporate feminism that says, once you have women in charge of your company, then your company is feminist, right. Your capitalist reforms can start and end with who has the corner offices. Right. Who's populating the executive suite. And so that's not even reforming capitalism, that's just trying to save it.” So says Kyla Schuller, Associate Professor of Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies and Faculty Director of the Women’s Global Health Leadership Certificate Program at Rutgers University. Today we dive into her heady new book, The Trouble with White Women: A Counterhistory of Feminism, which takes on the numerous ways in which feminism, so narrowly framed around the issues of white women, has in turn marginalized the experiences of women of color for hundreds of years. And the title has double-meaning: Because even though white feminism has been problematic, it’s also painted white women into a corner, left wondering how we got here. There have always been multiple kinds of feminism, Schuller says, a self-serving version dominated by white women, and an intersectional version dominated by women of color. White feminism, the mainstream feminist ideology, positions women as a redeemers, a salvific force whose mere presence in positions of power is enough to redeem that same power entirely. In sharp contrast, Schuller notes, intersectional feminism is an account of power, a place to interrogate the ways in which gender, sexuality, race, ability, and climate precarity coalesce to shape our lives. Only when we acknowledge these multiple, simultaneous identities, and come together across identity and power positions, will we form a strong enough political bloc to make enduring structural change.  Episode Highlights Against the white woman as a civilizing force…(7:14) Harriet Beecher Stowe/Harriet Jacobs…(12:44) Alice Fletcher/Zitkala-sa…(27:07) Margaret Sanger, a eugenic feminist…(40:02) Betty Friedan/Pauli Murray…(49:28) Mainstream feminism and the optimization of women…(52:28) More from Kyla Schuller   Kyla Schuller’s Website Buy her new book, The Trouble with White Women: A Counterhistory of Feminism Read her first book, The Biopolitics of Feeling: Race, Sex, and Science in the Nineteenth Century Follow Kyla on Twitter   Dig Deeper Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl - Harriet Jacobs American Indian Stories - Zitkala-sa Writing by Pauli Murray Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower - Brittney Cooper Intersectionality - Brittney Cooper, The Oxford Handbook of Feminist Theory The Nap Ministry - Rest is Resistance   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Oct 07, 2021
Finding the Line Between Savoring and Saving (Jamie Wheal)
3990
Jamie Wheal is the founder of the Flow Genome Project, a organization dedicated to the research and training of human performance, and most notably, he’s the author of Recapture the Rapture: Rethinking God, Sex and Death in a World That’s Lost its Mind. In his fascinating book, Wheal explores the perplexing intersection at which we find ourselves, each of us torn between the desire to save the world or to savor the world. “We as a generational cohort are coming of age where we simultaneously have more awareness of life...and at the same time understand our existential precariousness,” he says, “How on earth do we hold all this at the same time?” Our wide ranging discussion takes on the heady topics of healing, believing, and belonging  and ends with Wheal sharing with us his ‘ten suggestions', a list of countermeasures to the fundamentalism, nihilism, and despair that threaten to swallow us whole.  Episode Highlights To save the world or to savor the world…3:09 Nihilism, suspicion and our meaning crisis…6:48 Reclaiming our authority, healthy tribalism, and the ten suggestions…30:40 More from Jamie Wheal Recapture the Rapture: Rethinking God, Sex and Death in a World That's Lost Its Mind Stealing Fire: How Silicon Valley, the Navy SEALs and Maverick Scientists Are Revolutionizing the Way We Live and Work Jamie's Flow Genome Project - The Official Source for Peak Performance and Culture Follow Jamie on Instagram Dig Deeper The Dark Triad traits predict authoritarian political correctness and alt-right attitudes - Moss, O'Connor - Queensland University of Technology Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Sep 30, 2021
Calling In the Call-Out Culture (Loretta Ross)
3353
“Do you want to continue to live out the patterns of your childhood? Or do you want to make different choices? Are you programmed or are you self-determining?” So says Loretta Ross, Professor at Smith College in the Program for the Study of Women and Gender, a founder of reproductive justice theory, and an expert on feminism, racism, and human rights. Loretta has co-written three books on reproductive justice and is the author of the forthcoming book, Calling In the Calling Out Culture. Loretta has been a leader in the human rights movement for decades—she worked with Reverend C.T. Vivian, one of Martin Luther King’s right hands, to rehabilitate former members of hate groups. As a rape and incest survivor herself, she taught Black feminism to incarcerated rapists. She has learned, throughout her career, to lift the hood on peoples’ lived experiences—the identity they project to the world—and determine, through courageous conversation, where their humanity lies, and where their values overlap. She believes with a certain fierceness that we have far more in common with each other—across the entire political spectrum—than not. In recent years, she has become a vocal opponent of cancel culture—ironically, people have attempted to cancel her for this—because, as she explains, she’s interested in being part of a movement and not a cult. She believes that political purity and the policing of other allies is...the opposite of helpful. And that in the process of building coalitions for sweeping social change and evolution, we alienate and lose people who would otherwise want the very same things as us. Today, she gives us a crash course in the practice of calling in - an alternative to calling out, or publicly shaming those whose behavior or beliefs we deem unacceptable. In a culture devoid of empathy and grace, Ross implores us to offer people a chance to change, to give them the opportunity to be as good on the outside as they think they are on the inside. For Ross, recognizing that how we do the work is just as important as the work we do, gives us the incredible opportunity to bring more people in, building the power base of the social justice movement. When we choose to use calling in practices, she says, we choose them because of who we are, not because of who the other person is, and when we affirm the humanity of others, we affirm our own humanity in turn.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS Identifying your circles of influence…(8:31) The Uncle Frank strategy…(21:14)  Programming vs. self-determining…(27:29) Guidelines for the creation of a calling-in environment…(42:15) MORE FROM LORETTA ROSS Loretta Ross’ Website Preorder her book, Calling in the Calling Out Culture, by joining her mailing list Take the online course: Calling In the Calling Out Culture in the Age of Trump Follow Loretta on Twitter  READ HER WORK Undivided Rights: Women of Color Organizing for Reproductive Justice Reproductive Justice: an Introduction Radical Reproductive Justice: Foundations, Theory, Practice, Critique Reproductive Justice as Intersectional Feminist Activism   DIG DEEPER I’m a Black Feminist. I Think Call-Out Culture Is Toxic. - Loretta Ross, NYT Op-Ed, August 2019 Speaking Up Without Tearing Down - Loretta Ross, Spring 2019 What if Instead of Calling People Out, We Called Them In? - Jessica Bennett, NY Times, November 2020 Up From Hatred - Michael D'Antonio, LA Times, August 1997 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Sep 23, 2021
Building the House of Knowledge (Joy Harjo)
3245
“Humanity is messy, each of us starts with ourselves, it's horribly messy and then multiply that times millions. And that's an incredible, lovely mess.” So says Joy Harjo, the 23rd United States Poet Laureate, and the first Native American to hold that post. She is the author of nine books of poetry, several plays, and childrens books, and two memoirs—and is an internationally renowned performer and writer of the Muscogee nation, with an innumerable number of prizes and fellowships at her back. Today, we sit down to discuss her second memoir, POET WARRIOR, which just came out. It is beautiful—not only the story of her life, but a vehicle for deep wisdom about language, metaphor, and ritual. We—as individuals, as communities, as nations, and as humankind—exist in a collective story field, Harjo tells us. Everyone’s story must have a place, a thread within the larger tapestry—and our story field must constantly shift to include even the most difficult stories, the ones we want to forget and repress. But, as she remarks, the hard stories provide the building blocks for our house of knowledge—we cannot evolve without them. To move forward, we must find ourselves in the messy story of humanity, assume our place as part of the earth in this time and in these challenges. For Harjo, it is when we turn to song, poetry, and the arts that we are able to re-root ourselves in the voice of inner truth, a knowing that has access to stories past, present, and future. And it is this wisdom of eternal knowledge that will help guide us forward—if we only stop to listen.  Joy is also the winner of the Ruth Lilly Poetry Prize, the PEN USA Literary Award for Nonfiction, the Jackson Prize from the Poetry Society of America, the Wallace Stevens Award from the Academy of American Poets, and the William Carlos Williams Award from the Poetry Society of America. Harjo is the recipient of a Guggenheim Fellowship, the New Mexico Governor’s Award for Excellence in the Arts, the Rasmuson United States Artist Fellowship. She is a chancellor of the Academy of American Poets, Board of Directors Chair of the Native Arts & Cultures Foundation, and holds a Tulsa Artist Fellowship. In 2014 she was inducted into the Oklahoma Writers Hall of Fame.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS Finding ourselves in the messy story of humanity…(6:33) Returning to rituals of becoming…(36:14)  The story of mothers…(42:59) MORE FROM JOY HARJO Joy Harjo's Website Poet Warrior: A Memoir More Books by Joy Harjo Upcoming Live Events Follow Joy on Twitter and on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Sep 16, 2021
Introducing: Pulling the Thread
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45-minute conversations and investigations with today's leading thinkers, authors, experts, doctors, healers, scientists about life's biggest questions: Why do we do what we do? How can we come to know and love ourselves better? How can we come together to heal and build a better world? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Aug 30, 2021