Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen

By Elise Loehnen and Cadence13

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Category: Self-Improvement

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45-minute conversations and investigations with today's leading thinkers, authors, experts, doctors, healers, scientists about life's biggest questions: Why do we do what we do? How can we come to know and love ourselves better? How can we come together to heal and build a better world?

Episode Date
The Power of Boundaries (Nedra Tawwab)
3249
“As a therapist, I started to discover that when people need boundaries, they start to have issues around anxiety in their relationships, some depression, because they're not able to really stand up. Or they feel hopeless about improving certain scenarios. Burn out—when people start to say, ‘Oh my gosh, I hate work. I have to work on weekends. Oh, this person keeps talking to me about this thing.’ So burn out frustration. Sometimes moodiness, when we get really mad at other people for asking us stuff, that could be a sign that we need some boundaries around. You know, maybe saying no and not giving them the freedom to constantly use us as a resource. Our feelings are really huge indicators on where we need boundaries. When we're feeling upset, frustrated, anxious, confused, angry, those are all huge indicators that boundaries are very likely needed.” So says Nedra Glover Tawwab, sought-after relationship expert, licensed therapist and New York Times best-selling author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself.  In the book, Nedra puts her 15 years of experience demystifying the concept of boundaries to work, teaching us to get assertive in order to create healthy relationships with ourselves and our loved ones. She brings her no nonsense boundary-setting tips to the podcast today as our conversation explores signs we may need boundaries in our relationships, why people may not respect our boundaries and how to express our needs clearly, avoiding the all too common passive-aggressive spiral. She reminds us that it is ok to be less than perfect, to admit when we don’t have it all together, and to accept the help of others. Because when we establish healthy boundaries, give others grace, and accept grace ourselves we are bound to enjoy more successful, more rewarding relationships in all areas of our lives.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Boundaries - your owner’s manual… Signs that you may need boundaries… Our favorite form of communication… Leaving room for error… MORE FROM NEDRA TAWWAB: Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself The Set Boundaries Workbook: Practical Exercises for Understanding Your Needs and Setting Healthy Limits Follow Nedra on Instagram and Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Jun 30, 2022
Finding the Mother Tree (Suzanne Simard)
3354
“As scientists, we often look at one thing and we say, oh, that's the one thing it's competing for light. And then, and that's true. That's what people did. You know, the science, the experiments were simple, um, looking at one resource and not at the whole ecosystem. And so you miss all, you miss all these other ways that they're interacting. And if you, if we could look at the whole thing all at once, we would make completely different decisions about how to manage that ecosystem. But because people were so focused that Birch is competing for light and not just Birch, but Aspen and all kinds of like red Alder, all kinds of other species. And that led to the wholesale herbicide of these native plant communities to get rid of these so-called competitors. And if we'd just known ahead that they were also collaborating at the same time, any thinking person would never have gone in and poisoned these other plants. Because they create balance in the ecosystem,” so says Suzanne Simard, professor of forest ecology at the University of British Columbia, pioneering researcher into plant communication and intelligence, and best selling author of, Finding the Mother Tree: Discovering the Wisdom of the Forest. Born and raised in logging country, Suzanne and her holistic views of forest ecosystems were not welcomed into the male-dominated forestry industry. Pushed into academia, she has dedicated her career to investigating the complex relationships between trees. She is best known for her work on the communal lives of trees, exploring the ways in which trees use below-ground fungal networks to communicate, compete, and cooperate—exhibiting sophisticated social traits characteristic of a civil society not too different from our own. At the center of it all, she tells us, are the Mother Trees—immense, highly connected beings that play a vital role in intertwining and sustaining those around them.  Our conversation dives into these enthralling, mysterious relationships, and the practical application of Professor Simard’s work on forest resiliency and adaptability, including how to manage and heal forests from human impact. We must value our ecosystems for more than what we exploit them for, she tells us, and by restoring biodiversity and respecting nature’s brilliance, we can reconnect to the intelligence of the natural world, and hopefully uncover a better way forward in the process. EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Communities seeking balance… The development of a forest… Exploring the right relationship with nature… MORE FROM SUZANNE SIMARD: Finding the Mother Tree: Discovering the Wisdom of the Forest Suzanne's Website How Trees Talk to One Another: Suzanne Simard's TEDTalk  Follow Suzanne on Instagram and Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Jun 23, 2022
Don’t Wait to Live (Rabbi Steve Leder)
3691
“There are 12 questions that enable every person who's willing to, to answer them, to reevaluate their life and their legacy. Because what I have found, um, with my father's death is I miss not a single material thing about my father. I mean, I have his hat on the shelf behind me and I have a couple of his old tools, but that's it, what I really cherish the inheritance, I really cherish are the values, the laughter, the music, the food, my love of nature. That's his legacy, his powerful bullshit meter, his powerful, moral compass, his love of peoplehood. And that's what we wanna be sure we bequeath to our loved ones when we're gone. But it's more than just a bequest because when you ask yourself questions, like what is love? What makes me happy? What has been my greatest failure? What do I regret? What do I want my epitaph to be? What would I say at my own funeral as a final blessing to my loved ones? These are the kinds of questions that enable us to ask whether or not we are living the life we say, we believe in and the life we say matters,” so says Steve Leder, senior rabbi of Wilshire Boulevard Temple in Los Angeles and best-selling author of five books. In our conversation today, we talk about death and the creation of ethical wills, the subject of Rabbi Leder’s most recent book, For You When I Am Gone: Twelve Essential Questions to Tell a Life Story. The book, born of his experience helping thousands of people navigate loss, is a guide to writing a meaningful letter about your life - a so-called ethical will. Things are not our legacy, the rabbi tells us; and our estate plan will not nourish our loved ones, but our words and our stories have the power to provide something lasting and meaningful for generations to come. Rabbi Leder pushes us to examine our lives - our joys, our regrets, our successes and our failures - and to present those stories, brokenness and all, to those we love. Doing so, he says, will not only hold our loved ones when we are gone, but can serve to redirect us now as it forces us to examine the alignment between our professed values and the way in which we are actually living. His major takeaway? Don’t wait. Our bodies may disintegrate, but our lives are defined by our stories and we have the ability to create, and leave behind, worlds of meaning with our words.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Death, the most natural thing in the world… More than corporeal beings… Creating an ethical will… Through brokenness, wholeness… MORE FROM STEVE LEDER: For You When I Am Gone: Twelve Essential Questions to Tell a Life Story Additional Books by Rabbi Leder  Follow Steve on Instagram and Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Jun 16, 2022
Finding the Sacred Pause (Jennifer Rudolph Walsh)
3050
“I didn't wanna be still, I had to be still, but I, I, I wanted more than anything to continue being a human doing. And the universe was insisting that I became a human being and it's profound. I mean, it's the greatest transformation of my life. You know, I went from being extremely supported on a business perspective to having to go buy stamps. And it takes me all day to mail a letter. You know, I'm really, I'm only able to do what I can do in a day and I love it. I really love it because as I often said, like, I can do bad all by myself. I don't need somebody else confirming a reservation and rubbing somebody the wrong way so that when I get there, the energy is weird. It's like now off I get somewhere and the energy's weird it's cuz of me.” So says Jennifer Rudolph Walsh, a dear friend and mentor, who in her prior life, was the global head of literature, lectures, and events at WME, the agency. During her long and storied career she shepherded many of culture’s biggest luminaries, including Oprah, Brené Brown, and Sue Monk Kidd. And yes, Jennifer is an amazing dealmaker, who can look for synergies across industries so that everyone wins, but I believe her particular genius point is finding the story—I have watched her work with people where their story, which they perceived as messy, random, unimportant, comes together in her eyes as a cogent, powerful narrative. It is incredible to witness, and truly transforms that person’s perspective on their entire life. She is one of my friends and mentors—on any given day, she might be my mother, my sister, or as she would joke, my daughter—and I have learned so much from watching her navigate the world with fierceness and power. In today’s conversation, she talks about her transition into a sacred pause as she contemplates how she wants to serve in this next phase of her career—and we explore story as both a tool for personal healing and an opportunity for societal change. Let’s get to our conversation. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Jun 09, 2022
Bringing Our “Wise Adults” into Relationship (Terry Real)
3407
“I talk about dysfunctional relational stances that would repeat over and over again. For example, angry pursuit is an oxymoron. Angry pursuit will never get complaining about how the person isn't close to. You will never get then closer to you. It is dysfunctional. That's what dysfunctional means. It doesn't work. It'll never get you what you want. And the first phase of the therapy that we do, relational life therapy. And in some ways, the first phase of this book is identifying what your repetitive, adaptive child. Relational stance is the thing you do over and over and over again, automatically knee jerk. I talk about whoosh comes up like a wave. I just gotta do this. I've gotta fix this person. I've gotta stand enough for myself. I gotta get outta here. And that is the hallmark of your adoptive child that is automatic and, and compulsive. And this whole book is about moving beyond that part of you into the wise adult part of you, that can take a breath and do something, not automatic, but chosen deliberate, more skillful,” says bestselling author and renowned marriage counselor Terry Real. His new book, Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, combines new findings in neuroscience and his vast experience working with couples on the brink of disaster to give readers the skills necessary to move their relationship from a dysfunctional you vs. me into a more collaborative “us”.  There is no such thing as working on a relationship, Terry tells us, in order to work on healing the system, we must heal the individual parts. So many of us, he says, grew up without adequate emotional support, and the techniques we developed to survive in those environments as children, can go on to poison our intimate relationships. Though we may not remember the trauma, our knee-jerk reactions to distressing situations and relational conflict push our learned adaptive strategies into overdrive.   Terry’s science-backed toolkit helps individuals move beyond their involuntary response, which tends to be rigid, harsh, and unforgiving; and come into their potential as a wise adult - one who stops, thinks, and reflects; able to tap into a more collaborative self for the betterment of the relationship. Through deep individual work, nurturing our inner child, and choosing to go against our impulses rather than indulging them; we can transform ourselves and save our relationships.     EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Fight, flight, or fix?... Healing the individual to heal the relationship… Coming down from false empowerment… A contempt-free life… MORE FROM TERRY REAL: Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship Terry's Website Read Terry’s Other Work:  I Don't Want To Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression How Can I Get Through To You?: Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women The New Rules Of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work DIG DEEPER: Find an RLT Certified Therapist Near You  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Jun 02, 2022
From A Slight Change of Plans: "I Don't Feel Like a Boy, I Am a Boy"
860
I'm sharing a special preview of A Slight Change of Plans, a podcast all about who we are and who we become in the face of change. Dr. Maya Shankar is a cognitive scientist who is an expert on human behavior, and she’s here to help us navigate the changes we all experience in our lives. She sits in intimate conversations with celebrity guests like Tiffany Haddish and Kacey Musgraves as well as everyday inspirations, like journalist Euna Lee, who was held captive in North Korea for 140 days, and Kate Bowler, a religious scholar whose own belief system was thrown into question after she was diagnosed with cancer. You'll also meet change experts — including leading grief therapist Julia Samuel, psychologist Adam Grant, and psychologist Ethan Kross – whose scientific insights will help us make better decisions and live happier, more fulfilling lives In this preview, you’ll hear Maya in conversation with Jodie Patterson, a mother whose son came out as transgender when he was just shy of three years old. Jodie knew her son would face many changes ahead, but what she didn’t anticipate was how much she would change, too. You can listen to A Slight Change of Plans, from Pushkin Industries, at https://podcasts.pushkin.fm/scpthread. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Jun 01, 2022
The Beauty of Aging (Nigma Talib, N.D.)
3132
“I think the key is to really believe it when you see something that you're doing every day in your diet that is making your hormones off or your skin off it, a lot of women know what's happening to their bodies. We're more intuitive in that way than men are. So I think it sounds really cheesy and we've heard it over and over again, but please listen to your body because it's telling you something. And so I think that, I think that it's just important to listen and make a note of things that make us feel terrible and things that make us feel good.” So says Dr. Nigma Talib, a Los Angeles based Naturopathic Doctor and the author of the best selling book, Younger Skin Starts in the Gut. A pioneer in the Naturopathic medical profession, Dr. Nigma has been asked to speak all over the world, bringing light to the root causes of illness and how the application of cutting edge dietary, supplemental and functional laboratory testing guidance can correct health issues and enable optimal well-being. Dr. Nigma joins me today to talk about all things wellness, from Vitamin D deficiency and sleep hygiene, to stool tests and hormones. We discuss the nutritional supplements to take to ensure you look like a grape, not a raisin; the importance of the 80/20 rule; and how to establish your personal hormonal baseline through testing. Our hormones are messengers, she tells us, but when they are out of whack wires can get crossed, leading to fatigue, joint pain, premature aging and depression - making it all the more important that we listen to our bodies and get curious, putting together the pieces of our health in a way that allows us to live optimally and feel our best.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Grapes, not raisins… Exploring the 80/20 rule… The essential supplement checklist… Exercise, done right… MORE FROM DR. NIGMA TALIB: Younger Skin Starts in the Gut: 4-Week Program to Identify and Eliminate Your Skin-Aging Triggers - Gluten, Wine, Dairy, and Sugar Reverse the Signs of Ageing: The Revolutionary Inside-Out Plan to Glowing, Youthful Skin Visit Dr. Nigma Talib’s Website Follow Dr. Nigma on Twitter and Instagram DIG DEEPER: Exercised: Why Something We Never Evolved to Do Is Healthy and Rewarding Hate Working Out? Blame Evolution - NYT, January 2021 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
May 26, 2022
Why Do We Suffer? (Carissa Schumacher)
4186
"If you are in a Western life and, and are designed as an empath or a spiritual being that feels things very deeply, it is important for you to hold and maintain your peace and to send, to usher that energy to others that may be experiencing pain and suffering at any given time. If you were in a period in your life in which you are in pain or suffering, would you want everyone else in the world to be suffering along with you? Probably not. If you were sick, you wouldn't want all of your family members to be miserable and sad, just because you're feeling sick. You would want people to be in their peace. You would want people to hold that energy of joy, because that is what creates healing, energy and meaning and purpose." So says Carissa Schumacher. This is Carissa’s second visit to Pulling the Thread, and I highly recommend listening to that introductory conversation if you’re new to Carissa’s work. Otherwise, buckle your seat belt! In this conversation, Carissa and I dive into many of Yeshua’s recent transmissions including the necessity of moving empathy into compassion, the essential nature of suffering, the difference between purpose and vehicle, and the universal nature of intuition. We cover a lot of ground. I also wanted to tell you that due to popular demand, Carissa is going to lead a study group for her and Yeshua’s book, THE FREEDOM TRANSMISSIONS, an essential read if you haven’t yet picked up a book. This is going to be an online, four-day journey in June, with some visits from special friends, including Yeshua. I will be in the group to help facilitate the conversation, and hope to see you there. Carissa just put up a website, finally, where you can find all the information you need about her, Yeshua, The Freedom Transmissions book, journeys, and sessions. It is at THE SPIRIT TRANSMISSIONS DOT COM. Information about the online journey in June is also there! MORE FROM CARISSA SCHUMACHER: THE FREEDOM TRANSMISSIONS CARISSA SCHUMACHER’S WEBSITE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
May 19, 2022
Understanding Essential Labor (Angela Garbes)
3515
"This to me is basic, but it feels like we've drifted really far from it in our culture. That to be a human, the basic condition of being a human is being needful. You know, like we need air, we need housing, we need food, we need companionship. We need all of these things. And somehow in our culture, it feels like you're asking for too much, if you need things, right, you're supposed to be super self-sufficient. You're supposed to be able to like pull yourself up by your bootstraps. You're supposed to be able to like handle everything and it's just it's work. And it is it's too much for one person to do." So says author and journalist Angela Garbes, who in the first pages of her new book, ESSENTIAL LABOR, expands the concept of “mothering,” creating a tent for everyone, of any gender, who is engaged in the process of creation and care. This pretty much includes everyone. A first-generation Philipino-American, Angela makes the argument that the United States must re-orient the way we think about everything—the economy, in particular—to venerate the vital act of care, of tending to each other’s needs, and of prioritizing the collective…otherwise we are lost. In our conversation, we touch on what this means for all of our lives, including the ways that women like me must come out of our shame pockets to talk about all the people who care for us—labor that has become largely invisible behind the veneer of our projections of what it looks like to be a functioning family in America. As I explain to Angela, our family would cease to work without Vicky, who is effectively our third parent. I believe Angela is right, that we need to be having these collective conversations first, in order to push culture to reprioritize against a new axiom of what really matters in our lives. MORE FROM ANGELA GARBES: ESSENTIAL LABOR: MOTHERING AS SOCIAL CHANGE LIKE A MOTHER: A FEMINIST JOURNEY THROUGH THE SCIENCE AND CULTURE OF PREGNANCY FOLLOW ANGELA ON TWITTER ANGELA’S WEBSITE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
May 12, 2022
Understanding Emotional Inheritance (Galit Atlas, PhD)
3784
"When we talk about the ghost of the unsaid, we're talking about the inherited feelings of our parents, unprocessed trauma, where the Phantoms that lived inside them, We're talking about traumas that our parents and grandparents would not process, and they are transmitted to us in some raw way. And I quote in the book, Holocaust survivors Maria Toric, Nicholas Abraham, who said, 'What haunts us are not the dead, but the gaps left within us by the secrets of others.' So says psychotherapist Galit Atlas, who has spent her life and career both witnessing and unraveling the ways that the lived—and unlived—experiences of our ancestors can show up in our own lives. Galit—who is Syrian/Iranian by way of Israel—grew up in the midst of trauma, violence that continued to unfold around her against a generational tapestry of pain. We talk about the direct transmission of trauma in our conversation, as well as these “Gaps” or secrets, that show up in her practice again and again. We also talk about this idea of what Freud called “Afterwardness,” which is the way that we reprocess traumatic memories again and again from our new lived perspective. We explore what healing looks like for clients who suddenly become aware of how these hidden forces and patterns are informing their lives—and what it looks like to clip those threads and set yourself free. And perhaps most poignantly, we discuss the idea of victims and aggressors, and how so many of us, in the grips of our victimhood feel justified in lashing out—this is a phenomenon we can trace from our personal lives to the global stage, and it deserves our awareness. MORE FROM GALIT ATLAS: EMOTIONAL INHERITANCE: A THERAPIST, HER PATIENTS, AND THE LEGACY OF TRAUMA Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
May 05, 2022
Where Are Our Huddles? (Brooke Baldwin)
3916
"I talk to so many women who, you know, we talk about huddle and we talk about, I referenced, you know, back catalog friends, people who I've known for years and years, you are never too late to add to your huddle. You are never, it is, you are never too old to, to add to your circle of friends. And what Elise is alluding to is certainly something that I feel as well, which is, you know, we live in these various chapters in our, in our lifetimes, you know, things change. We go through different. We have these various aha moments, I think for you. And I, we've both really deepened our spiritual practices and our intentionality around life and what we wanna do and how we wanna share ourselves. And I think as we've been in these more vulnerable spaces on the other side of giant things, we've been a part of, we've gotten to know ourselves better." -Brooke Baldwin Many years ago, journalist Brooke Baldwin sat in her mother’s bedroom and cried about the state of her career and her relationship—and while she was grateful for her mom’s attention and support, she had a simultaneous thought: Where were her friends? Thus became her quest—ancillary to her daytime job as an anchor on CNN—to find her huddle. In her mind, she wanted to reclaim the idea of huddle—a macho sports term—and apply it to groups of women working together for mutual goals, like joy, success, and intimacy. She wrote a book about this adventure—understandably called HUDDLE—where she explores the power of female friendship and camaraderie all over the country. And the way that when women come together, they achieve improbably awesome things. As her book went to press, she announced her time at CNN was coming to an end, and we met each other shortly after, when we were both feeling stripped down and open to new adventures. Brooke is now part of MY Huddle, and her enthusiasm for the power of friendship is palpable and contagious. MORE FROM BROOKE BALDWIN: HUDDLE FOLLOW BROOKE ON TWITTER FOLLOW BROOKE ON INSTAGRAM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Apr 28, 2022
When Illness is Not Validated (Meghan O’Rourke)
2839
“One reason I wrote the book is that the lack of recognition is such a powerful harm done to patients. And I think until you've gone through an experience like this, it's really hard to convey why that is. But basically it comes down to having the dignity of your suffering possessing. Some kind of meaning, I think, right. And we're all social creatures, right. We don't actually get sick totally alone. It feels lonely. But one reason that my illness was doubly hard was that I had the loneliness of physical symptoms. And then I had the additional of never having them recognized or validated, which made it so much harder.”  Writer, journalist, and poet Meghan O’Rourke—a former editor at The New Yorker, and the current editor of The Yale Review—has written stunningly, about many topics in our culture. But her latest book—THE INVISIBLE KINGDOM: REIMAGINING CHRONIC ILLNESS—is a memoir of her own suffering as she navigated the medical world in search of a diagnosis. Her journey to understand what is wrong with her—to even be seen as a sick person—was particularly complex because she has a web of autoimmune diseases, which…is not that uncommon, actually, particularly for younger women. In her book, she explores the complexity of illness and what it means to look fine—vital, even—and yet feel like you’re failing inside, and how quick we are to dismiss suffering we cannot see. Particularly when it’s the suffering of women.  MORE FROM MEGHAN O’ROURKE: THE INVISIBLE KINGDOM SUN IN DAYS MEAGHAN’S WRITING FOR THE NEW YORKER FOLLOW MEGHAN ON TWITTER FOLLOW MEGHAN ON INSTAGRAM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Apr 21, 2022
Navigating Conflict (Amanda Ripley)
3482
“Usually in high conflict, the conflict becomes the whole point. So you make a lot of mistakes and you can miss opportunities that would actually be in the interest you are fighting for. The reason you got into the fight to begin with, whereas good conflict is the kind of conflict where again, you can be angry, you can be yell, you can have radical visions for the future. You can and must, you know, organize and protest and hold people accountable. But you do it much more skillfully. You make fewer mistakes because you're not essentially being controlled by the conflict. You're not in the trance of high conflict. And it's, you know, it's not easy to stay in good conflict. Everybody is gonna visit high conflict, even if it's for, you know, a few minutes, but you don't wanna live there because you, you and your cause will suffer.”  So says Amanda Ripley, investigative journalist, podcast host, New York Times bestselling author and the queen of conflict - good conflict, that is. Amanda’s most recent book - High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out - draws on her years of experience trying to make sense of conflict on a personal and political level—particularly in this heightened time of OUTRAGE.  Not all conflict is bad, Amanda tells us. In bad conflict, what she calls high conflict, the conflict becomes the whole point, an us vs. them mentality that takes on a life of its own and leads participants down a path of perpetual anger without resolution. Good conflict, on the other hand, goes somewhere interesting as genuine curiosity and deep listening leads to better mutual understanding. So how do we make the shift? In our discussion, Amanda arms us with a mind-opening new way to think about conflict that will transform how we move through the world. We talk about what it means to get curious about what lies beneath the surface of a conflict; how our own unresolved internal conflicts often inform our external conflicts; as well as the importance of engaging in deep listening in order to make others feel truly heard. In a world engineered for misunderstanding, Amanda gives us faith that individuals, and even entire communities, can end the doom loop of outrage and blame if they can learn to really hear each other.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: What would it be like if you got what you wanted?… Conflict entrepreneurs… High conflict and the death of curiosity… Deep listening and making others feel heard… MORE FROM AMANDA RIPLEY: High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out The Smartest Kids in the World: And How They Got That Way The Unthinkable: Who Survives When Disaster Strikes - And Why Listen to Amanda’s Podcast, How To! on Apple Podcasts and Spotify Amanda's Website Follow Amanda on Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Apr 14, 2022
Living Without Lying (Martha Beck, PhD)
3864
“I’ve won arm wrestles with big muscular men, right out of prison because you align the energy. Everything wants to harmonize with it and things start to flow with you and it's silent and it's, it's quiet, it's gentle, but it's incredibly powerful. The strength you can access when you're in a state of integrity. So as that starts to grow, we're seeing the Putins and we're seeing the Trumps because they are so freaking loud. And we don't even know that in the silence all over the world, there's another power rising and rising and rising and looking at what's happening in Ukraine and looking at the atrocities and saying, okay, we're not going, we're not gonna do this anymore.”  So says Martha Beck, a Harvard-trained sociologist and life coach who is the author of many incredible books, including the just-released, WAY OF INTEGRITY, an Oprah bookclub pick that just might change your life. Martha describes integrity as that sense of wholeness that we can all tap into when we are aligned and attuned to our true selves on the deepest level. It is from that place that we feel unrestricted and safe—like we are at one with the world and each other, and that we no longer feel compelled to control our own behavior in order to earn acceptance and belonging. It is a place of strength, freedom, and radical honesty. The book, which is a mixture of memoir, anecdotes from her own, fascinating practice, research, and worksheets, uses Dante’s Inferno as a guide to healing. As with any heroic quest, you must go down before you can go up, and Martha walks you there, hand-in-hand until you reach the place of Satori, or enlightenment, which is really another word for the state of integrity. If you can’t tell, I really loved this book–and I loved our conversation. EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: The same proof from different angles… White lies, gray lies, black lies… Being torn apart to become awake… Breaking free from the golden chains… MORE FROM MARTHA BECK: The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self Read Martha's Other Work Martha's Website Martha Beck - Think Like a Wayfinder Masterclass Martha's TedTalk - The Four Technologies of Magic Follow Martha on Twitter and Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Apr 07, 2022
Why Closure is a Myth (Pauline Boss, PhD)
3580
You have to have something new to hope for sure. You might still keep hoping that somebody with a terminal illness might get better and indeed they do sometimes. Or you might hope as after 9/11, that somebody will be found who was in the trade towers when they fell down. And in fact, a few people were found in another country or in a psychiatric ward and not being able to remember who they were, but for the most part, you keep hoping and you move forward with life in a new way. Without that missing person, you must do both. You cannot just hope because that means you're immobilized, you're frozen in place and the children will suffer, the family will suffer, you will suffer from that. It has to be both/and.” So says, Dr. Pauline Boss, emeritus professor at University of Minnesota and world-renowned as a pioneer in the interdisciplinary study of family stress management as well as for her groundbreaking research on what is now known as the theory of ambiguous loss. Dr. Boss coined the term ambiguous loss in the 1970s to describe a very particular type of loss that defies resolution, blocks coping and meaning-making and freezes the process of grieving. With death, she says, there is official certification of loss, proof of the transformation from life to death, and support for mourners through community rituals and gatherings. In ambiguous loss, none of these markers exist, the lingering murkiness leaving individuals unnerved and stressed out.  In her forty years of clinical experience as a family therapist, Dr. Boss has worked with individuals, couples and families dealing with some kind of ambiguous loss - from families in New York who lost family members during 9/11 and are experiencing the physical kind of ambiguous loss, to those dealing with the psychological ambiguous losses of a parent with Alzheimer’s disease, a loved one with an addiction, or someone who is changing as a result of aging or transitioning. Drawing on research and her immense cache of clinical experience, Dr. Boss has developed six guiding principles for building the resilience to both bear the trauma of ambiguous loss and to move forward and live well, despite experiencing a loss with no certainty or resolution.  She joins me today to discuss this often unrecognized, but ubiquitous type of loss, particularly as it relates to closure - the subject of her most recent book, The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change. Our conversation touches on our collective grieving following the pandemic and our country’s awakening to the concept of systemic racism; how we can begin to increase our tolerance for ambiguity, and the importance of discovering new hope in the face of grief that has no end. Our search, she tells us, must not be for the elusive concept of closure, but rather for a sense of meaning and a new way to move forward.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Unnerving ambiguity… Using both/and language around loss… Pillars of processing… Moving forward, not moving on… MORE FROM PAULINE BOSS: The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief Loving Someone Who Has Dementia: How to Find Hope While Coping with Stress and Grief What if There’s No Such Thing as Closure? - NYT Magazine, December 2021 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Mar 31, 2022
Having Conversations We’d Rather Avoid (Celeste Headlee)
3217
"So if we take that off the table, if we take off this, this goal of changing somebody's mind, then what are you left with? What's what's your purpose in the conversation? And I feel like not only is that more attainable to have a conversation in which you are exchanging ideas, just exchanging ideas, changing information, that's attainable every time. But also it relieves some pressure, right? I mean, sometimes I feel like people see conversations as frustrating because they keep trying to do something that's impossible. Maybe it would be more enjoyable for you if you weren't trying to beat your head against the wall. I feel like that that paragraph from Carl Rogers is not just something that is useful to tell the other person. I think it's mostly for you. Like for you to tell yourself, I'm not here to change you. I'm just here to listen and understand." So says Celeste Headlee, award-winning radio journalist and author of many incredible books, including Do Nothing, We Need to Talk, and Speaking of Race. Celeste, a self-described “light-skinned Black Jew,” has been having hard conversations about race since she was a little kid. Already an astute observer of culture, she has notated throughout her life how unproductive these conversations tend to be, how we shut down and get defensive, or try to reinforce our own sense of righteousness. In today’s conversation, we explore the reasons we’ve become culturally calcified as well as antidotes for taking on tough and essential topics. In Celeste’s experience, the more reserved we become about leaning into potential conflict the more fear enters the equation: And right now, one of the worst labels you can hear is that you are racist. I loved DO NOTHING and I also loved Speaking of Race, because at its heart it is also just about the art of conversation--and active listening. And Celeste has a lot of experience: She is a regular guest host on NPR and American Public Media, and her Tedx Talk on having better conversations has been viewed over 23 million times. While I’ve got your attention on Celeste, you need to listen to her season with John Biewen on Scene on Radio: They did an incredible series of episodes about misogyny, and his season on race, called Seeing White, which he co-hosted with Chenjerai Kumanyika is incredible.  MORE FROM CELESTE HEADLEE: Speaking of Race Do Nothing We Need to Talk Celeste’s Website Follow Celeste on Instagram and Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Mar 24, 2022
Passing as “Normal” (Katherine May)
3411
“I increasingly feel that modern life is becoming intolerable for everyone, whether they're neurodivergent or not. I think we've noticed it earlier. I think, you know, we've reached our point of unbearable discomfort earlier along the line. But I just begin to think that the way we are living is generally hostile to our brains and our neurology. We are, all of us, completely overwhelmed all the time. And you know, like the idea that some people had a good pandemic, well that's because the world called a truce on some of us, and we didn't realize we needed it until that moment. I mean, I don't know what it's gonna take for us to all pull the break on this because it's not good. It's not good for us.” So says Katherine May, the New York Times bestselling author of Wintering, the book that spoke to so many of our souls when it came out a month before the pandemic: Katherine anticipated what all of us felt, which is that our way of living was not supportable, and that we needed retreat and rest. Katherine is a prophet for a number of reasons: Not only because she’s a stunningly beautiful writer and astute observer of the world, but also because she’s wired a little bit differently. Before she wrote WINTERING, Katherine wrote another book, a memoir called THE ELECTRICITY OF EVERY LIVING THING, about attempting to walk the 630 mile South West Coast Path in Britain before turning 40. But it’s not a book about a heroic feat, it’s actually about grappling with her late-in-life diagnosis as being on the autism spectrum disorder. Katherine always knew she was different, but she never knew exactly how or why, only that she found many parts of life overwhelming and chaotic. The book, which is stunning, explores the ways so many of us feel like we’re passing—picking up behaviors from other people in order to be accepted, or to fit in.  MORE FROM KATHERINE MAY: The Electricity of Every Living Thing Wintering The Best Most Awful Job Katherine May’s Website Follow Katherine on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Mar 17, 2022
What Our Anxiety Tells Us (Ellen Vora, M.D.)
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“I think we're due for a cultural rebranding around crying. I think that crying, you know, if we start to cry, we inevitably apologize or invariably apologize. We sort of suck it back in and make it as small as it can be. Like the way someone would pinch back a sneeze, we’re like holding the tears back, making it smaller, collecting ourselves. And you know, if you know, somebody who's crying frequently or you're like, they're in a bad place. And I think that we really need to see crying as this deep wisdom from our body saying, you need a release right now, let's have of one. And when you get an opportunity to cry, dive into it and let it be big, let it be complete rather than smaller. Like let it be bigger.” So says Dr. Ellen Vora, a Columbia University-trained psychiatrist who takes a functional and holistic approach to mental health—namely, she treats the whole system, looking for where states like anxiety and depression might be rooted in the body, whether it’s less-than-ideal nutrition and an out-of-whack gut, or poor sleep and breathing. In her just-launched book—THE ANATOMY OF ANXIETY—she tackles this state that is ever-present for many of us. In fact, it’s easy to argue that if you aren’t feeling anxious, you aren’t really alive in this complex, difficult rollercoaster of time. But in Ellen’s model, she differentiates between true and false anxiety—both are very real and valid concerns. For false anxiety, typically there’s an imminently treatable physical root that can be addressed until the body comes back into balance and the mind calms. True anxiety, on the other hand, is an alarm clock that something is not right—that you’re out of alignment, or integrity, in some way. In today’s episode we talk about both, including the overwhelming load that we’re all carrying and how important it is to cry. We also explore psychedelics and what it means to really heal. OK, let’s get to our conversation. EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: It’s not ‘all in your head’, it’s in your body… Building your sleep toolkit… Honoring real food cravings… The importance of finding release… MORE FROM ELLEN VORA: The Anatomy Of Anxiety: Understanding and Overcoming the Body's Fear Response Ellen's Website Follow Ellen on Instagram and check out her videos on YouTube and TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Mar 10, 2022
Manifesting What We Actually Want (Lacy Phillips)
3430
"When I would witness somebody that I identify with in whatever capacity of what I'm calling in, have, what I want or are successful in what I would like to be successful in. Um, or, you know, they are on that path to what I'm shooting for. I really realize that that would actually be tremendously more effective for my subconscious to go, oh, if they could do that or if they are doing that, I can as well. So beyond all, all of the visualizing I did back in the day until I was blue in the face, this would speed things up and make it really rapid," says Lacy Phillips, my guest today - a global manifestation expert and speaker and founder of To Be Magnetic. Lacy presents a unique manifestation formula, rooted in basic psychology, neuroscience, and her energetic gifts. Lacy’s manifestation formula is not your typical "think positive" and "visualize" method, but rather, she is known for a much deeper and more therapeutic response that requires clearing subconscious blocks first—only then, can you begin to call in and work toward what you most desire. Lacy offers a comprehensive digital workshop program called The Pathway, along with an excellent podcast, EXPANDED. I highly recommend tuning in.  Today, she shares with us the secrets of her manifestation success, as we discuss everything from identifying our sticky subconscious beliefs to reading our nervous system and its readiness for change to how to respond to tests on the way to rediscovering our authentic, worthy self. Lacy tells us that seeing is believing when it comes to manifestation, and encourages us to search for ‘expanders’ - individuals, real or fictitious, who broaden our concept of reality. She challenges us to turn our envy towards those who have what we want, using them as proof positive, that what we want is not only possible, but achievable. Everyone is being offered a ticket on the manifestation train, she assures us, it is just a matter of whether we choose to get on.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: The three pieces of manifestation… Resolving our sticky subconscious beliefs… Finding your expanders… Aligned action and being tested… MORE FROM LACY PHILLIPS: To Be Magnetic - curated by Lacy Phillips Listen to Lacy’s podcast, EXPANDED, on Spotify and Apple Podcasts Follow To Be Magnetic on Instagram and Twitter Follow Lacy on Instagram  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Mar 03, 2022
Why Design Matters—and the Courage to Create New (Debbie Millman)
3517
I think what makes it much more difficult to, to have the courage, to continue to experiment, you know, look at somebody like Joni Mitchell or Rickie Lee Jones, people that at their moment of peak success, commercially said, you know, I'm going to do jazz now, or I'm going to do instrumental now, or I'm going to do something else now. And you know, the word once again, you know, that changed the world. Even Dylan, when he went electric, you know, the world hates that, you know, we're supposed to be able to deliver an expectation that people are used to and feel comfortable with. And I think any type of huge success like that really sets you up to feel like you can't veer from that without either disrupting your level of success or disappointing people or outraging people, you know, the very things that thrill and delight and excite. Some people are the very things that outrage others. And once you start to have to gauge where you're going to sit in that continuum, you know, I think the original work is then pretty much obliterated,” so says Debbie Millman, author, educator, curator and host of one of the first, and longest running podcasts, Design Matters. Debbie is a creator to her core - she started her career at Sterling Brands, one of the world’s leading branding consultancies, and for twenty years led the company as President, working on the logo and brand identity for some of the world’s most prominent brands, from Burger King, Hershey’s, Haagen Dazs and Tropicana, to Star Wars and Gillette. Her writing and illustrations have been featured in publications such as The New York Times, The Washington Post, New York Magazine, Print Magazine, and Fast Company. She is the author of seven books, the co-owner and editorial director of PrintMag.com, and co-founded the world’s first graduate program in branding at the School of Visual Arts in New York City. Her podcast, which has been nominated for six Webby awards, has been highlighted on over 100 “Best Podcasts” lists and was designated by Apple as one of their “All Time Favorite Podcasts”, has spent the past 17 years interviewing nearly 500 of the most creative people in the world.  Today she joins me to discuss her most recent book, Why Design Matters: Conversations with the World’s Most Creative People. This book, Debbie tells us, was born of her desire to stoke her own creative fire in a time when she was working as a creative but feeling artistically dead. Debbie regales us with tales of the creative processes of the greats, including the inevitable failures, rejections, and obstacles that are part of any creative journey, showing us how they persevere to create beauty in the face of adversity. In our conversation, we discuss the danger of expectations, the courage it takes to create and questions around who gets to call themselves an artist. We talk about the stereotype of the pained artist, finding inspiration, and how she teaches her students to refine and create their original voice.  She leaves us with her thoughts about personal brands and the way in which they limit our identity and our ability to continually pursue the new or experimental.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Fear around the new…(10:15) Who gets to call themselves an artist?...(17:50) The courage in experimentation…(22:52) On personal brands…(43:00) MORE FROM DEBBIE MILLMAN: Why Design Matters: Conversations with the World's Most Creative People More Books by Debbie Millman Visit Debbie's Website Listen to Debbie’s Podcast, Design Matters on Apple Podcasts Follow Debbie on Twitter and Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Feb 24, 2022
The Psychology of the Body (Olivia Laing)
2847
That's what I think is so funny about this is like a hundred years on these things that he's talking about remain as live as ever as sort of as complex and as urgent as they were back in Vienna and literally a hundred years ago. So that it feels to me like he was really onto something. And I don't think that's true of every thinker of the 1920s or every psychoanalyst of the 1920s. He really, he really he's like heat-seeking missile. He has this ability to sort of put himself in the most contested zones, our emotional lives. Today we are joined by author Olivia Laing to discuss her new book, Everybody: A Book About Freedom, which explores the body as a mechanism for understanding the world around us through the story of radical psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich. A contemporary and friend of the famous Sigmund Freud, Reich believed that the body communicated things that his patients could not articulate. In many ways, he’s the often-overlooked father of trauma and somatic therapy. In Reich’s view, unexpressed reservoirs of emotion, if left unprocessed, led to the build up of a sort of muscular armor that patients carried with them for life. Though Reich’s later work, which featured increasingly eccentric ideas, has led to his erasure within the common psychoanalytic discourse, Laing reminds us that Reich’s belief in freedom from oppression and dominion over our bodies, and our lives, is just as prescient today as it was 100 years ago—and she challenges us to think about the stories of our own bodies within this larger cultural context. MORE FROM OLIVIA: Everybody: A Book About Freedom Funny Weather: Art in an Emergency Crudo The Lonely City: Adventures in the Art of Being Alone The Trip to Echo Springs: On Writers and Drinking Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Feb 17, 2022
How Science Got Women Wrong (Angela Saini)
3178
“But what I do do is whenever I read an academic paper is I read around it. I don't just take that as given or assume that that's, you know, now cast in stone and science has nowhere else to go after this paper has been written, but that it sits in a context of other research, um, and evolving. It's always evolving. It's moving towards the truth. It's sometimes very faltering, really the history of sex difference research and race difference research, I think is a really good example of how faltering it can be and how orthodoxies can get created and take a really long time to be corrected. Um, but if you understand it in that historical context, then I think it's easier to accept science for what it is, which is a journey towards truth, rather than assuming that it's already there,” so says Angela Saini, an independent British science journalist, author, and the founder of the ‘Challenging Pseudoscience’ group at the Royal Institution. Angela joins me today to talk about science as fact, and the nuance that comes when we introduce human bias to the equation through interpretation. While Angela originally found a home in the objective and rational field of engineering, she tells us it was her experience as a journalist that opened her eyes to the vested interests and motivations within the scientific community that influenced the research and answers being published and touted as fact.  Angela has since written two books interrogating the divisive politics embedded in the science of human difference, Inferior: How Science Got Women Wrong-And the New Research That's Rewriting the Story and Superior: The Return of Race Science. Whether it is sex research or race research, certain long-tentacled orthodoxies get created, she tells us, permeating our culture and eliminating any nuance from the conversation. Angela’s work encourages us to dismantle these orthodoxies, which have for so long sat uncomfortably with our lived experiences, and instead, to think more critically about what we assume to be “the norm”. We get into the way our cultural training has impacted our natural genetic destiny, how easy it is to slip into essentialist ideas of what it means to be a woman, and how important it is to embrace intersectional arguments when we talk about equality. When we reflect on who we really are, not just who we have been told to be, she tells us, we open up all the possibilities there are for being human. OK, let's get to our conversation. EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Interrogating the politics behind the science of human difference… Extricating culture from nature… There is no one way to be a woman… MORE FROM ANGELA SAINI: Inferior: How Science Got Women Wrong-And the New Research That's Rewriting the Story Superior: The Return of Race Science Watch her 2019 BBC Documentary - Eugenics: Science's Greatest Scandal Angela's Website Follow Angela on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Feb 10, 2022
Understanding Our Sexual Potential (Ian Kerner, Ph.D)
3114
“We sort of get into this, you know, relational model. And look, when it's working, when sex is a form of intimacy and merging and lovemaking and a really dissolution of self boundaries, I mean, it's fantastic. It's such a relationship boost and expression of love that only sex can provide. But very often, you know, relational sex can become really rote. It can become really predictable. It can stop serving our need for kind of sexual expansiveness, which is what recreational sex can do, right? Embracing the aspects of sex, embracing variety, embracing that psychological stimuli. Right? I think that's where, especially for heterosexual couples, we don't know how to integrate the relational with the recreational…,” so says Dr. Ian Kerner, my guest today and a licensed psychotherapist and nationally recognized sexuality counselor who specializes in sex therapy, couples therapy and relational issues. Ian is a New York Times best selling author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman and the co-founder and co-director of the Sex Therapy program at the Institute for Contemporary Psychology. Today we discuss his newest book, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex: Laying Bare and Learning to Repair Our Love Lives as Ian shares the unique methodology he has used in his sex therapy practice to help countless couples rewrite their sex script in order to actualize their sexual potential. We don’t know how to talk about sex, Ian tells us, we have erotic minds but encounter shame around communicating what is in them, leaving us open to impersonal, predictable sex that stops serving our need for sexual expansiveness.  To avoid falling victim to the plague of rote sex, we must rediscover touch, desire, and fantasy, he tells us. By reimagining and rewriting our sex scripts to include both the physical and psychological components of arousal, the promised land of mutual pleasure is within reach. Ian gives us the tools to get comfortable with the discourse around intercourse, and leaves us with the stepping stones to bridge the gap between the sex we are having and the sex we want to be having.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Putting language around sex…(8:15) Integrating the importance of touch…(13:34) Fantasy, psychological arousal and the key to good sex…(25:07) The plague of ill-cliteracy...(40:57) MORE FROM IAN KERNER: So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex: Laying Bare and Learning to Repair Our Love Lives She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parents' Guide to Getting It on Again Follow Ian on Twitter DIG DEEPER: Come as You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life - Emily Nagoski  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Feb 03, 2022
Finding Balance in Our Bodies (Aviva Romm, M.D.)
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“I've spent many years, like med school residency, as a mom, eight books, which is a lot of deadlines. Just a lot of things that have put me behind eight ball in my relationship to time, like never feeling like I have enough time, never getting through my full checklist, always feeling like I should be doing something more, even when I'm relaxing. So for me, it's taking on too many things at once saying yes, when I really need to say no, or maybe say yes, but not all at once. And just really checking in with, am I feeling spacious? Am I feeling unpressured? Am I feeling like I have the capacity to handle what's on my plate right now?” So says, Aviva Romm, who has the rare distinguishment of being both a midwife and a Yale-trained M.D. She mediates between the world of allopathic and alternative medicine, using the best of both approaches. From where she stands, balance is critical, particularly for women and our complex and sometimes confounding hormonal systems. Though Aviva Romm has written many books about women’s health, her latest—HORMONE INTELLIGENCE—is somewhat of a bible for many women I know, offering insight into the natural process of shifting hormones during different phases of our lives, as well as advice for treating all-too-common maladies like PCOS. While we dive into some of these details in today’s conversation, Aviva and I primarily talk about what it is to be a woman today, along with our collective ambivalence about aging, and the necessity of honoring older women—particularly ourselves. We also get into stress and the way we’ve been trained to use hyper-vigilance and anxiety as prods for perfection and what it feels like to let that go, and drop into our own bodies, to hear from them directly on what they need. OK, let’s to get to our conversation. EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Bridging the gap between how we feel and how we want to feel…(10:49) Hormone intelligence and our innate knowing…(23:33) Embracing the maiden, the mother, (the queen), and the crone…(42:58) MORE FROM AVIVA ROMM, M.D.: Hormone Intelligence: The Complete Guide to Calming Hormone Chaos and Restoring Your Body's Natural Blueprint for Well-Being The Adrenal Thyroid Revolution: A Proven 4-Week Program to Rescue Your Metabolism, Hormones, Mind & Mood Aviva's Website Listen to Aviva’s Podcast, Natural MD Radio on Spotify and Apple Podcasts Follow Dr. Romm on Instagram and Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Jan 27, 2022
Challenging the Stories We Tell Ourselves (Elizabeth Lesser)
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Today’s guest is Elizabeth Lesser, bestselling author of classics like Broken Open, and co-founder of the Omega Institute, an internationally recognized retreat center, renowned for its workshops and conferences in wellness, spirituality, creativity, and social change. Throughout her life, Elizabeth has been somewhat of a doula for people in transition, for those who are looking for answers to some of life’s biggest questions—she helps them cross chasms, simply by pointing out the path “The obviousness of something that has been with us forever and must change, is often the most painful part”, she says. Lesser joins me today to talk about her newest book, Cassandra Speaks: When Women are the Storytellers, the Human Story Changes, which interrogates the way in which our origin tales and hero myths, where men are the prototype human, continue to influence our culture. She reminds us that these old stories are only half natural, and challenges us to activate, fund, and educate the emotional and caring nature we all possess, to face our shadows in order to recreate an Eden in which there is room for everyone.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Women, storytelling, and paying attention to the world within us Elevating the importance of the caretaker Changing systems, changing self MORE FROM ELIZABETH LESSER: Omega Institute Cassandra Speaks Broken Open Marrow The Seeker’s Guide Follow Elizabeth on Instagram  and Twitter DIG DEEPER: Biobehavioral Responses to Stress in Females: Tend-and-Befriend, Not Fight-or-Flight - Shelley Taylor, UCLA In the Bonobo World, Female Camaraderie Prevails - NYT, Natalie Angier Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Jan 20, 2022
Unblocking the Creative Self (Julia Cameron)
3231
 “Are you doing something that brings you joy? Are you doing something that brings you fulfillment? Do you take yourself seriously when you have a dream or do you say, “Oh you are being too big for your britches?” What happens with morning pages is we are led into expansion —we are trained by the pages to take risks. The first risk is putting it on the page, the second risk is saying to yourself, “Oh I couldn’t try that.” The pages keep nudging you, and finally you say, “Oh alright I’ll try,” and the “oh alright I’ll try” is what brings you to an expanded sense of self because the risk you are afraid to take soon becomes the risk you have taken…” so says Julia Cameron, best-selling author of more than forty books, poet, songwriter, filmmaker and playwright. Hailed by many as “The Godmother” of creativity, Julia is credited with starting a movement in 1992 that has brought creativity into the mainstream. Her book, The Artist’s Way, has been translated into forty languages and sold over five million copies to date, inspiring millions of readers with its egalitarian view of creativity: We’ve all got it, and Julia is on a mission to help us unlock it. The book bestows the reader with a practical toolkit, including the famous Morning Pages and Artist Dates, in service of the broader creative journey and personal rejuvenation. Her newest book, Seeking Wisdom, explores connecting to the artistic process through prayer. In this episode of Pulling the Thread, Julia and I talk creativity, process, and purpose. We are so worried about being selfish, Julia says, that we end up investing disproportionately in the lives and dreams of others—sacrificing our own passions in the process. Her approach guides readers, one step at a time, out of a stymied life and into a more expansive, more joyful existence, opening up opportunities for self-growth and self-discovery. I hope our conversation resonates with the creator in all of you.  MORE FROM JULIA CAMERON: SEEKING WISDOM THE ARTIST’S WAY Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Jan 13, 2022
The Guru in Our Own Minds (Mark Epstein, M.D.)
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“But the true guru, you know, the Buddha came and turned all that inside out. You know the Buddha taught the Four Noble Truths and the word he used, “the Noble,” that came out of that, like the Brahmans were the Nobles. But the Buddha was like, no, the Nobles aren't, it's not that priest over there, lighting the fire, the sacred fire, the noble thing is like your own ethic, your own internal ethic, your own loving heart is the noble thing. The Buddha was all about that. He was a good, you know, cognitive therapist in that way, turning, turning people's concepts inside out.” So says Mark Epstein, a psychiatrist and Buddhist who has written several brilliant and beautiful books about the Venn diagram of meditation and therapy. In his latest: THE ZEN OF THERAPY, he reveals more of his own backstory, how as a young med school student trying to bridge the gap between his role as a doctor and his love of Eastern spirituality he came to help Dr. Benson study meditation and its benefits for the body. He opens the books though, by explaining that meditation is not a panacea, it is instead a rare opportunity to get quiet with yourself, to observe your own mind, and to process your emotions. In the ZEN OF THERAPY, Mark recounts a year of therapy sessions where he was able to provide psychotherapy paired WITH Buddhist insights—it’s a wonderful and fascinating book—I personally LOVE reading about peoples’ therapy sessions—and it offers many takeaways for anyone, including the ways in which we fixate on our childhoods rather than focusing on the evolution of our own identities, and where our own resistance to change can point the way to healing. OK, let’s get to our conversation. MORE FROM MARK EPSTEIN, M.D. THE ZEN OF THERAPY by Mark Epstein, M.D. ADVICE NOT GIVEN by Mark Epstein, M.D. THE TRAUMA OF EVERYDAY LIFE by Mark Epstein, M.D. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Jan 06, 2022
Struggle is Real—Suffering is Optional (BJ Miller, M.D.)
3147
“My goal isn't to not be afraid, my goal is to have a relationship with fear. So I presume fear is going to be part of the picture. So my goal is more to have a relationship to that fear so I can move with it so I can push back on it so I can learn from it. Um, and so it doesn't have so much power over me, but I, I've not, I've not met any truly fearless people. It's more that I've met people who understand their fear and have made peace with it.” So says BJ Miller, a remarkable doctor who specializes in palliative medicine and end-of-life care, which ironically means that he spends most of his time teaching people how to really live. When BJ was an undergrad at Princeton, he climbed an electrified train car and ended up as a triple-amputee and long-term patient. Understanding the healthcare system from the inside out inspired him to go to medical school—and it also put him into a deep and reflective dance with mortality, fear, and what it means to lean into life. He has become a cultural sherpa, showing us all what this looks like. These days, he is the founder of Mettle Health, which makes palliative care more accessible: He offers virtual consultations and guidance for individuals and families dealing with practical, emotional, and existential issues.  He joins me today as we discuss his work on life, death, and how we go about handling the in between. Our conversation covers the cultural numbness to death in the abstract and the concrete fear that arises when death becomes personal. We forget, BJ says, that suffering and dying are fundamental and intrinsic parts of life. When we allow ourselves to acknowledge the many small deaths that occur throughout our lives—whether it be the death of a relationship, of a career, or of a way of life - we can use these moments to practice losing and letting go, gaining clarity around what truly matters in the process. The goal, BJ tells us, is not to be unafraid of the end, but rather to cultivate a love of life so big, that it encompasses death as well. I am thrilled to call BJ a dear friend, and am even MORE thrilled to bring this conversation to you as we contemplate the year that just was, and the year to come.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Contemplating death and a fascination with life… Big deaths, small deaths… The illusive sweet spot of perspective… Stripping down… MORE FROM BJ MILLER A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO THE END by BJ Miller Mettle Health BJ Miller - What Really Matters at the End of Life - Ted Talk, 2015 One Man's Quest to Change the Way We Die - The New York Times Magazine After a Freak Accident, a Doctor Finds Insight into Living Life and Facing Death - BJ on NPR's Fresh Air with Terry Gross Follow BJ on Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Dec 30, 2021
Where Should Work Fit in Our Lives (Anne Helen Petersen & Charlie Warzel)
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“Like family relationship has obligations that go both ways. Hopefully there's unconditional love there, but it's also the, like your re your family and, and, and the other people in your family see you as family too. But in a job, if you, the, the whole family thing goes one way, you're supposed to give and give and give and give and, and, and, and feel this like guilt and obligation to your company and your coworkers, your company at any moment can sever those ties, you know, your is at will employment in, in this country. And, and, and so, like, that's not part of a, a family thing. That's not unconditional. Your job is totally conditional.” So says Charlie Warzel, who together with Anne Helen Petersen, wrote OUT OF OFFICE: THE BIG PROBLEM AND BIGGER PROMISE OF WORKING FROM HOME. Petersen and Warzel, ditched New York City for the promise of a better life/work balance out west a few years ago, which gave them a headstart on understanding the reality of working from home—before it became a reality for the rest of the world through the pandemic. Both culture, media, and technology journalists for Buzzfeed at the time, they found that the promise of work from home was not a panacea for more time to spend in nature: Like the rest of us—just earlier—they discovered that they were spending even more time PERFORMING their work, showing their managers back in New York City that they deserved the privilege of being untethered from a traditional office. Being out of the office only added to their anxiety and overwhelm. So when COVID hit, they were already aware of both the the pitfalls and potential of work from home—their fantastic book, which just came out, offers a survey of how we find ourselves in this intractable bind today, where for too many of us, our jobs have taken over the center of our lives, and how we can use this opportunity to reshape workplaces for a more sustainable future. In our conversation we talk about how we don’t prioritize the art of managers, how the idea of time and output is problematic for so many people who are not, actually machines, and what a more inclusive and human HR structure might look like, if it weren’t engineered to avoid abuse and instead could focus solely on providing support. Let’s get to our conversation. MORE FROM ANNE HELEN PETERSEN & CHARLIE WARZEL OUT OF OFFICE by Anne Helen Petersen & Charlie Warzel CAN’T EVEN by Anne Helen Petersen THE BURNOUT GENERATION by Anne Helen Petersen “Galaxy Brain” newsletter from Charlie Warzel “Culture Study” newsletter from Anne Helen Petersen Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Dec 23, 2021
Why Don’t We Believe Women? (Deborah Tuerkheimer)
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“Outside the legal context, I'm urging readers and listeners in this case to think very deliberately about whether that high standard of proof beyond a reasonable doubt is really necessary before a person will believe so to speak, will feel confident enough to offer, let's say, support to a roommate or to a coworker. And I want to suggest that we should actually require much less by way of certainty and confidence in order to offer that kind of support to someone who is in an informal setting coming to us as a kind of first responder, because this is how most allegations surface. People rarely go to the police. First more often, they turn to a trusted confidant, someone within their inner circle. And it's the response of that individual that's likely to affect the trajectory to come” so says Deborah Tuerkheimer, a Harvard and Yale-educated lawyer, former New York District Attorney specializng in domestic violence and child abuse protection and current professor at the Northwestern Pritzker School of Law where she teaches and writes about criminal law, evidence, and feminist legal theory. To say she is impressive is a massive understatement. Today she joins me to discuss her book, CREDIBLE: Why We Doubt Accusers and Protect Abusers. We dive into a conversation about credibility and sexual assault: What makes a credible victim? How do culture, law, and psychology shape our judgement? And how can our systems be more responsive to the needs of survivors? In the court of cultural opinion, Deb says, we disservice so many victims by dismissing and discounting their pain that sometimes, the aftermath is almost worse than the event itself. We talk about the myth of the false accuser, underreporting as a reflection of our cultural credibility context, and the dangerous archetypes of the perfect victim and the monster abuser.  Finally, we discuss the push for restorative justice processes, which must begin with an acknowledgement of responsibility from the offender, and then go on to ask: “What will it take to repair the harm?”, ultimately turning to the victim and their community to answer that question.  Please note that today’s episode contains information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors - I encourage you to care for your safety and well-being. MORE FROM DEB TUERKHEIMER CREDIBLE: Why We Doubt Accusers and Protect Abusers More Books, Articles and Op-Eds by Deb Tuerkheimer Deb's Website DIG DEEPER: RAINN: the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800.656.HOPE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Dec 16, 2021
The Reprioritization of Relationship (Lori Gottlieb)
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“I think what COVID did was it really made people realize that the state of their emotions, the state of their relationships, all of those things that felt very optional, meaning they were important to people, but in the rushing around of daily life, you, you could kind of ignore them a little bit. Um, you know, you didn't have to really think about them or face them. They weren't, a mirror was not being held up to you in the way that it was during COVID. And so I think that the, the good thing that came out of all of this is that people really said, oh, I want to understand this better.” So says Lori Gottlieb, one of my favorite conversation partners. Lori is a psychotherapist and the author of the bestselling MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE, which is a brilliant exploration of what it means to be in therapy and be a therapist—in her storytelling, she manages to touch on everything from existential anxiety to inconceivable loss. She’s also the co-host of the DEAR THERAPIST podcast, a brilliant show that tackles peoples’ real problems, like narcissistic partners and parental alienation. In today’s episode of this podcast, Lori and I get into the impact of COVID on our partnerships, the often uncredited grief of single people, and how we can come to deepen the intimacy of our most important relationships, whether they’re with lovers, friends, family, or even co-workers. EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: We’re all unreliable narrators…(6:05) Emotional egalitarianism…(16:00) COVID and the great reprioritization…(22:53) When is it time to let a relationship go...(36:44) MORE FROM LORI: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: The Workbook Dear Therapists Podcast Lori's Website Lori's Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Dec 09, 2021
Solving the American Gun Crisis (Ryan Busse)
3473
“The NRA and gun owners then signified, you know, the sort of comradery, responsibility, safety, sort of a bygone, I don't know, sort of an Americana, right? The Campbell soup can sort of Americana. I don't remember ever seeing or hearing about the impending demise of the Republic, or how evil every Democrat was, or how we should hate our neighbors, or how we should arm ourselves for an eventual civil war or an insurrection. That was never, that was never a part of my upbringing.”  So says Ryan Busse, author of GUNFIGHT: MY BATTLE AGAINST THE INDUSTRY THAT RADICALIZED AMERICA. Busse, who spent decades running gun sales for Kimber in Whitefish, Montana, which focused, until recently, on crafting hunting rifles and other firearms for sportsmen, quit his job last year after he realized that his dreams of transforming the gun industry from inside—or at least being a consistent voice of reason and morality—were fantasy. He watched as the industry he used to love became increasingly toxic, distorted, and militant. In his book, which is a fascinating look at the forces within the NRA and the way they’ve radicalized America, he deftly explains all the reasons we are where we are today: Where our children are forced to practice active shooter drills at school, and where other kids—like 17-year-old Kyle Rittenhouse—can buy a semi-automatic AR-15 style rifle and kill two people while wounding another. And then be acquitted for self-defense. As he argues, we are on the brink of a Civil War with gun-owning, far Right militants. I know we’re scared, and he believes we have every reason to be. Like Busse, I’m also from Montana, and know many people who hunt—growing up, guns were present but never abundant. Now, responsible gun owners are being pushed aside by militant couch commandos, who are desperate, to quote Busse, “to shoot a democrat.”  While Busse is no longer in the industry, he is firmly in the movement for common sense gun laws, arguing that our best chance for reform is to bring hunters and sportsmen on-side. As he explains, it can be done—and we can bring the NRA to its knees.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Exploring the cultural connection to guns…(12:12) Hate, conspiracy, national tragedies and gun sales…(16:56) Profiting off of fear…(32:06) What do we do?...(40:04) MORE FROM RYAN BUSSE Gunfight: My Battle Against the Industry that Radicalized America Ryan Busse's Website Follow Ryan on Twitter and on Instagram DIG DEEPER: The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals - Michael Pollan FBI background checks, a proxy for gun sales, surged in 2020 - The Economist, January 2021 GET INVOLVED: Mom’s Demand Action Everytown for Gun Safety Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Dec 02, 2021
My Spiritual Teacher & Yeshua Channel (Carissa Schumacher)
5390
Since she was a little girl, Carissa Schumacher has always seen and spoken to dead people. She pushed all of that aside, went to Brown and got her Neuroscience Degree, tried to have a normal life and career, and then Spirit made the call and she put that down and started working as an empathic intuitive and forensic psychic medium. She led retreats in Sedona, and worked with clients around the world, including doing a lot of pro bono work on crimes. This was all well and good until October 2019, around the time when I first met her. When Carissa was little an angelic presence told her she would be a channel for Yeshua of Nazareth, which she didn't think about much at the time. She wasn't raised in a religious household, she didn't even know what it meant. But then Yeshau “birthed” in her channel. This means that while she was leading a retreat in Sedona, Yeshua took over her body, and voice, and gave a transmission, or a teaching. Yeshua, as you might've guessed, is Jesus. If it sounds wild, it is. I have been in the presence of Carissa while she's channeling Yeshua many times now. And it is unlike anything I've ever experienced before. I would say that it's incredible, but they've also been some of the most grounded moments of my life. Yeshua is funny, brilliant, kind—an ascended master like Buddha or Lao Tzu. And as he talks, you can feel the codex is of energy behind his words. The transmissions also are not particularly religious. If that makes sense, as he has remarked, he never wanted a church in his name. And the Bible is a series of stories. Some that are instructive, some that are parables, many told by people who never knew him. Last year. He asked Carissa to turn on her recorder for several days and he brought forth The Freedom Transmissions, a series of teachings about the year that we just experienced, plus how to move forward. It is a beautiful book you can open and flip to almost any page and find something of resonance and need. In today's conversation, we talk about The Freedom Transmissions, as well as other moments from Yeshua transmissions I've heard over the years, including about the one thing that humans actually own, which is time. We talk about co-creation. We talk about the true definition of atonement, and we talk about the idea of freedom and how hard it is to make the leap from the cage. As she says, she is not Yeshua, just one of his channels and a student alongside the rest of us, but she still has a brilliant mind.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Connecting to consciousness to change the world…(17:10) Repentance, humility, and perfection…(38:01) Out of servitude through suffering, into servitude through joy…(47:56)  Planting seeds of faith, forgiveness, and freedom…(1:07:49) MORE FROM CARISSA: The Book’s Website The Freedom Transmissions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Nov 24, 2021
How to End Zero-Sum Thinking (Heather McGhee)
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Heather McGhee is a designer of, and advocate for, solutions to inequality in America. We discuss her New York Times bestselling book, The Sum of Us: What Racism Costs Everyone and How We Can Prosper Together, in which she seeks to push us all past zero-sum thinking, or the idea that if you get something you want or need, it must mean that I get less. In fact, she points to numerous examples throughout history that show how this framework has made our society more cruel and poorer than it otherwise might be. Heather pushes us to recognize the fingerprints of racism in all of our core dysfunctions, from climate change, to the roots of the financial crisis, to the ongoing fight for universal healthcare.  “We must stop the siloed thinking that racism is great for white people and bad for people of color,” Heather says, “if you pull that thread, that’s exactly the same zero sum logic racists hold, that progress for people of color has to come at the expense of white people, that we are at odds, fighting over crumbs…there has to be a better paradigm of mutual benefit.” The Sum of Us is a story of why “drained pool politics”—an idea named after the fact that in the ‘50s and ‘60s, many towns chose to fill in their public pools and lose access to this social good rather than integrate them and share them with Black people—is costing everyone, in ongoing ways. She offers that with multiracial coalitions we can subvert fear mongering about an equitable society and fight for a more prosperous nation for all.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Chronicling the disappearance of public goods and the retreat from public life following the New Deal (Approx. 8:26) Investigating the roots of zero sum thinking, finding fingerprints of racism in all of our core disfunction (Approx. 35:22) Fighting for solidarity dividends (Approx. 36:35) MORE FROM HEATHER MCGHEE The Sum of Us: What Racism Costs Everyone and How We Can Prosper Together  Heather McGhee's Website Follow Heather on Twitter and on Instagram HEATHER’S PICKS: Floodlines - The Story of an Unnatural Disaster Hosted by Vann R. Newkirk II Four Hundred Souls: A Community History of African America, 1619-2019 The City We Became - N. K. Jemisin DIG DEEPER: Support for Government Guaranteed Job and Standard of Living by Demographic Group - the ANES Guide to Public Opinion and Electoral Behavior Which racial/ethnic groups care most about climate change? - Yale Program on Climate Change Communication 2021 Voting Laws Round Up - the Brennan Center for Justice GET INVOLVED: Check Your Voter Registration Status, Register to Vote, Find Your Polling Place, and more Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Nov 18, 2021
Navigating an Addictive Culture (Anna Lembke, M.D.)
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“We are living in a world that primes us all for the problem of addiction. So even though some people come into this world more vulnerable than others, simply being alive in the world today has made us all vulnerable to the problem of addiction,” so says our guest today, Dr. Anna Lembke. Dr. Lembke is a professor of psychiatry at Stanford University School of Medicine and chief of the Stanford Addiction Medicine Dual Diagnosis Clinic. An expert in all things addiction, Dr. Lembke has published more than a hundred peer-reviewed papers, book chapters, and commentaries; she sits on the board of several state and national addiction-focused organizations, has testified before various Congressional Committees, and does so all while maintaining a thriving clinical practice.  On today’s episode, we discuss her instant New York Times Bestseller, Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence, which explores the many faces of addiction. Dr. Lembke notes that addiction is a spectrum disorder, and though we often attempt to otherize “addicts”, the exact same mental machinery engaged in so-called severe addiction is engaged in the compulsive over-consumption that afflicts many of us. We discuss the way in which our brain is wired to balance pleasure and pain and how to know when our consumption has crossed from healthy, recreational use to addictive, maladaptive use. Finally, Dr. Lembke leaves us with some strategies for recalibrating our neural-balance, including the perhaps counterintuitive remedy of exposing ourselves to pain in order to treat our pain.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Identifying the risk factors for addiction…(5:53) The balance between pleasure and pain…(11:45) The Dopamine Guideposts…(18:49)  Finding healing stories and re-calibrating the neuro-plasticity of the brain…(28:21) MORE FROM ANNA LEMBKE: Anna Lembke's Website Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence Drug Dealer, MD – How Doctors Were Duped, Patients Got Hooked, and Why It’s So Hard to Stop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Nov 11, 2021
What Our Anger Teaches Us (Harriet Lerner, Ph.D)
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“I think it's very important to mention also, Elise, that even if a woman feels permission to be angry, that anger is such a tricky mischievous emotion that it's so difficult to know what our anger means or what to do with it. So we may know that we’re angry and anger activates us to, to act, to take a position, to do something, but our anger does not tell us what the real issue is, who is responsible for what, what is the best way to proceed with our anger…” So says psychotherapist Dr. Harriet Lerner. Lerner is known and beloved for her many best-selling books about women, family systems, and relationships, including the classic Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships, which we explore in today's episode.  Lerner believes that anger is an essential, but oftentimes misunderstood and mismanaged emotion. She set out to write Dance of Anger to tackle female anger specifically, of which nothing had been written at that time. When women are discouraged from discussing their anger, she tells us, they lose a sense of self, as the pain of our anger preserves our dignity. We discuss the stereotype of the unloving, unlovable, and destructive angry woman, and the way in which female anger is only deemed acceptable when it is on the behalf of others. Lerner leaves us with tips for beginning to work through our anger productively, starting with moving toward assertive self-definition without asking for permission, and ultimately becoming careful observers of our own role in the patterns that keep us stuck in anger so that we may make positive, lasting change on our own behalf.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: The importance of anger…(5:25) Are you a nice lady or a bitch…(9:00) Working through anger productively…(21:40)  Moving towards self definition…(36:36) MORE FROM HARRIET LERNER: Harriet Lerner's Website The Dance Of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Pattern of Intimate Relationships The Dance Of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate The Dance Of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships The Dance Of Fear: Rising Above Anxiety, Fear, and Shame to Be Your Best and Bravest Self The Dance Of Deception: A Guide to Authenticity and Truth-Telling in Women's Relationships Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Nov 04, 2021
Where Did the Patriarchy Come From? (Riane Eisler, PhD)
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Our guest today is Dr. Riane Eisler, social systems scientist, cultural historian, futurist, attorney and internationally bestselling author of many notable classics, including Sacred Pleasure and The Chalice and the Blade, which I read recently and LOVED—while it came out in the ‘80s, it is incredibly prescient—prophetic really—and more relevant than ever. In it, and all of her books, Riane explores the ways in which hierarchies of dominance—which are NOT our natural state—inform how we live now. “What we’ve been told is simply a false story of our past, of our present, and most importantly today, the possibilities for our future,” she explains. Dr. Eisler joins me today to discuss her newest work, Nurturing Our Humanity: How Domination and Partnership Shape Our Brains, Lives, and Future. In the book, Eisler implores us to awaken to the notion that injustice, inequality, violence, and domination do not tell the full story of human possibility. “We humans were really wired more for partnership than for domination,” she says. Guided by the ethos of partnership, Dr. Eisler’s work challenges each of us to play a role in the construction of a more equitable, more sustainable, and less violent world through investment in human infrastructure and a dedication to raising future generations by different scripts and constructs than those given to us. People’s minds can be changed, she reminds us, but a change in consciousness starts with the knowledge that there are different, better, possibilities.   EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Exploring caring economics, human infrastructure, and the alienation of caring labor (Approx. 5:09) The partnership model and the fight against sticky myths of domination (Approx. 11:00) Replumbing our dysfunctional operating system (Approx. 29:35) MORE FROM RIANE EISLER: Riane's Website Nurturing Our Humanity: How Domination and Partnership Shape Our Brains, Lives, and Future The Chalice & The Blade: Our History, Our Future The Real Wealth of Nations: Creating a Caring Economics The Power of Partnership: Sevens Relationships That Will Change Your Life Breaking Out of the Domination Trance: Building Foundations for a Safe, Equitable, Caring World RIANE’S PICKS: My Octopus Teacher - Netflix, 2020 Grandfather's Garden: Some Bedtime Stories for Little and Big Folk - David Loye DIG DEEPER More on Partnership Systems and the Partnerism Movement Courses in Partnership - Changing Our Story, Changing Our Lives Sexual Dimorphism in European Upper Paleolithic Cave Art - Dean Snow, Society for American Archaeology, 2013  A World Without Women: The Christian Clerical Culture of Western Science - David Noble, 2013 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Oct 28, 2021
Healing Male Depression (Terry Real)
3495
“Before our boys have learned to read, they have already read the stoic code of masculinity and are conforming to it.” says Terry Real, world-renowned family therapist, speaker, best-selling author and founder of the Relational Life Institute, where he offers workshops for couples, individuals, parents and therapists. He is also a dear friend. While he’s best known for his couples work, decades ago, he wrote the landmark book on male depression, which I cannot recommend enough. It’s called, I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, and with it, Real established himself as one of the most respected voices in the treatment of men and the healing of their relationships with the world. In this episode, we talk about why depression is “illegal” for men, the cultural programming of boys, and forced detachment in the name of autonomy. Our culture of individualism, Real says, has done as much damage as our culture of patriarchy—leaving men little room for the type of connection and relationality that we humans live for. He leaves us with the steps for deprogramming ourselves from patriarchal thinking and parenting as well as the ways in which we can support the men in our lives in service of deeper connection and the pursuit of greater relational joy.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Exploring Terry’s theory of male depression…(2:30) The cultural programming of boys…(12:50) Active trauma, passive trauma, and the severing of connection in the name of autonomy …(19:50)  Icarus syndrome and learning to find relational joy…(37:08) MORE FROM TERRY REAL: Terry's Website I Don't Want To Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression How Can I Get Through To You?: Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women The New Rules Of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work Take Terry's Online Course - Staying in Love: The Art of Fierce Intimacy DIG DEEPER: Find an RLT Certified Therapist Near You  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Oct 21, 2021
Women, Food & Hormones (Sara Gottfried, M.D.)
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Our guest today is Dr. Sara Gottfried - a Harvard educated doctor, scientist, researcher, mother, and seeker with 25 years of experience practicing precision, functional, and integrative medicine. Gottfried specializes in root cause analysis, as she firmly believes that the greatest health transformations unfold when you address the root cause of illness, not simply the signs. She is the author of three New York Times best selling books focused on healing our cells, and our souls.  Today we discuss her most recent book Women, Food, and Hormones. Yes, we talked about all of those things, but we also explored the culture of weight and wellness, and why the scale is not always a predictor of our health. She took us through the intricacies of our metabolic function, and we together questioned whether the “perfect” body we have in our head even matches the body that allows us to function at our best. As she explains: “I feel like women are stuck. They're stuck between diet culture, which I think many of us reject this idea that we're supposed to be thinner, obedient, smaller, take up less space and have these unrealistic standards for how we're supposed to look. And then we also have the fat acceptance movement. And what I like to do is to position myself in the middle where the focus is on metabolic health.” She walks us through her protocol for hormone balance, opening up detoxification pathways, and even gives us a script for talking to our doctors and regaining agency when it comes to our health. Gottfried implores us to remember that we are deserving of support at any age, and that righteous indignation when it comes to our health can move mountains.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Discussion of Diet Culture & Body Positivity: Approx. 5:24 Metabolic Health: Approx. 9:40 Importance of Testosterone for Women: Approx. 19:31 Wearables: Approx. 23:48 The Ketogenic Diet for Women: Approx. 28:34 Detox: Approx. 38:42 Discussion of Courageous Conversations with Doctors: Approx. 49:54 MORE FROM SARA GOTTFRIED, M.D.: Women, Food, and Hormones Dr. Sara Gottfried’s Website Dutch Hormone Test Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Oct 14, 2021
The Legacy of White Feminism (Kyla Schuller)
3903
“There's a fantasy in argument, in Lean In, or Girlboss style corporate feminism that says, once you have women in charge of your company, then your company is feminist, right. Your capitalist reforms can start and end with who has the corner offices. Right. Who's populating the executive suite. And so that's not even reforming capitalism, that's just trying to save it.” So says Kyla Schuller, Associate Professor of Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies and Faculty Director of the Women’s Global Health Leadership Certificate Program at Rutgers University. Today we dive into her heady new book, The Trouble with White Women: A Counterhistory of Feminism, which takes on the numerous ways in which feminism, so narrowly framed around the issues of white women, has in turn marginalized the experiences of women of color for hundreds of years. And the title has double-meaning: Because even though white feminism has been problematic, it’s also painted white women into a corner, left wondering how we got here. There have always been multiple kinds of feminism, Schuller says, a self-serving version dominated by white women, and an intersectional version dominated by women of color. White feminism, the mainstream feminist ideology, positions women as a redeemers, a salvific force whose mere presence in positions of power is enough to redeem that same power entirely. In sharp contrast, Schuller notes, intersectional feminism is an account of power, a place to interrogate the ways in which gender, sexuality, race, ability, and climate precarity coalesce to shape our lives. Only when we acknowledge these multiple, simultaneous identities, and come together across identity and power positions, will we form a strong enough political bloc to make enduring structural change.  Episode Highlights Against the white woman as a civilizing force…(7:14) Harriet Beecher Stowe/Harriet Jacobs…(12:44) Alice Fletcher/Zitkala-sa…(27:07) Margaret Sanger, a eugenic feminist…(40:02) Betty Friedan/Pauli Murray…(49:28) Mainstream feminism and the optimization of women…(52:28) More from Kyla Schuller   Kyla Schuller’s Website Buy her new book, The Trouble with White Women: A Counterhistory of Feminism Read her first book, The Biopolitics of Feeling: Race, Sex, and Science in the Nineteenth Century Follow Kyla on Twitter   Dig Deeper Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl - Harriet Jacobs American Indian Stories - Zitkala-sa Writing by Pauli Murray Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower - Brittney Cooper Intersectionality - Brittney Cooper, The Oxford Handbook of Feminist Theory The Nap Ministry - Rest is Resistance   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Oct 07, 2021
Finding the Line Between Savoring and Saving (Jamie Wheal)
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Jamie Wheal is the founder of the Flow Genome Project, a organization dedicated to the research and training of human performance, and most notably, he’s the author of Recapture the Rapture: Rethinking God, Sex and Death in a World That’s Lost its Mind. In his fascinating book, Wheal explores the perplexing intersection at which we find ourselves, each of us torn between the desire to save the world or to savor the world. “We as a generational cohort are coming of age where we simultaneously have more awareness of life...and at the same time understand our existential precariousness,” he says, “How on earth do we hold all this at the same time?” Our wide ranging discussion takes on the heady topics of healing, believing, and belonging  and ends with Wheal sharing with us his ‘ten suggestions', a list of countermeasures to the fundamentalism, nihilism, and despair that threaten to swallow us whole.  Episode Highlights To save the world or to savor the world…3:09 Nihilism, suspicion and our meaning crisis…6:48 Reclaiming our authority, healthy tribalism, and the ten suggestions…30:40 More from Jamie Wheal Recapture the Rapture: Rethinking God, Sex and Death in a World That's Lost Its Mind Stealing Fire: How Silicon Valley, the Navy SEALs and Maverick Scientists Are Revolutionizing the Way We Live and Work Jamie's Flow Genome Project - The Official Source for Peak Performance and Culture Follow Jamie on Instagram Dig Deeper The Dark Triad traits predict authoritarian political correctness and alt-right attitudes - Moss, O'Connor - Queensland University of Technology Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Sep 30, 2021
Calling In the Call-Out Culture (Loretta Ross)
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“Do you want to continue to live out the patterns of your childhood? Or do you want to make different choices? Are you programmed or are you self-determining?” So says Loretta Ross, Professor at Smith College in the Program for the Study of Women and Gender, a founder of reproductive justice theory, and an expert on feminism, racism, and human rights. Loretta has co-written three books on reproductive justice and is the author of the forthcoming book, Calling In the Calling Out Culture. Loretta has been a leader in the human rights movement for decades—she worked with Reverend C.T. Vivian, one of Martin Luther King’s right hands, to rehabilitate former members of hate groups. As a rape and incest survivor herself, she taught Black feminism to incarcerated rapists. She has learned, throughout her career, to lift the hood on peoples’ lived experiences—the identity they project to the world—and determine, through courageous conversation, where their humanity lies, and where their values overlap. She believes with a certain fierceness that we have far more in common with each other—across the entire political spectrum—than not. In recent years, she has become a vocal opponent of cancel culture—ironically, people have attempted to cancel her for this—because, as she explains, she’s interested in being part of a movement and not a cult. She believes that political purity and the policing of other allies is...the opposite of helpful. And that in the process of building coalitions for sweeping social change and evolution, we alienate and lose people who would otherwise want the very same things as us. Today, she gives us a crash course in the practice of calling in - an alternative to calling out, or publicly shaming those whose behavior or beliefs we deem unacceptable. In a culture devoid of empathy and grace, Ross implores us to offer people a chance to change, to give them the opportunity to be as good on the outside as they think they are on the inside. For Ross, recognizing that how we do the work is just as important as the work we do, gives us the incredible opportunity to bring more people in, building the power base of the social justice movement. When we choose to use calling in practices, she says, we choose them because of who we are, not because of who the other person is, and when we affirm the humanity of others, we affirm our own humanity in turn.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS Identifying your circles of influence…(8:31) The Uncle Frank strategy…(21:14)  Programming vs. self-determining…(27:29) Guidelines for the creation of a calling-in environment…(42:15) MORE FROM LORETTA ROSS Loretta Ross’ Website Preorder her book, Calling in the Calling Out Culture, by joining her mailing list Take the online course: Calling In the Calling Out Culture in the Age of Trump Follow Loretta on Twitter  READ HER WORK Undivided Rights: Women of Color Organizing for Reproductive Justice Reproductive Justice: an Introduction Radical Reproductive Justice: Foundations, Theory, Practice, Critique Reproductive Justice as Intersectional Feminist Activism   DIG DEEPER I’m a Black Feminist. I Think Call-Out Culture Is Toxic. - Loretta Ross, NYT Op-Ed, August 2019 Speaking Up Without Tearing Down - Loretta Ross, Spring 2019 What if Instead of Calling People Out, We Called Them In? - Jessica Bennett, NY Times, November 2020 Up From Hatred - Michael D'Antonio, LA Times, August 1997 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Sep 23, 2021
Building the House of Knowledge (Joy Harjo)
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“Humanity is messy, each of us starts with ourselves, it's horribly messy and then multiply that times millions. And that's an incredible, lovely mess.” So says Joy Harjo, the 23rd United States Poet Laureate, and the first Native American to hold that post. She is the author of nine books of poetry, several plays, and childrens books, and two memoirs—and is an internationally renowned performer and writer of the Muscogee nation, with an innumerable number of prizes and fellowships at her back. Today, we sit down to discuss her second memoir, POET WARRIOR, which just came out. It is beautiful—not only the story of her life, but a vehicle for deep wisdom about language, metaphor, and ritual. We—as individuals, as communities, as nations, and as humankind—exist in a collective story field, Harjo tells us. Everyone’s story must have a place, a thread within the larger tapestry—and our story field must constantly shift to include even the most difficult stories, the ones we want to forget and repress. But, as she remarks, the hard stories provide the building blocks for our house of knowledge—we cannot evolve without them. To move forward, we must find ourselves in the messy story of humanity, assume our place as part of the earth in this time and in these challenges. For Harjo, it is when we turn to song, poetry, and the arts that we are able to re-root ourselves in the voice of inner truth, a knowing that has access to stories past, present, and future. And it is this wisdom of eternal knowledge that will help guide us forward—if we only stop to listen.  Joy is also the winner of the Ruth Lilly Poetry Prize, the PEN USA Literary Award for Nonfiction, the Jackson Prize from the Poetry Society of America, the Wallace Stevens Award from the Academy of American Poets, and the William Carlos Williams Award from the Poetry Society of America. Harjo is the recipient of a Guggenheim Fellowship, the New Mexico Governor’s Award for Excellence in the Arts, the Rasmuson United States Artist Fellowship. She is a chancellor of the Academy of American Poets, Board of Directors Chair of the Native Arts & Cultures Foundation, and holds a Tulsa Artist Fellowship. In 2014 she was inducted into the Oklahoma Writers Hall of Fame.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS Finding ourselves in the messy story of humanity…(6:33) Returning to rituals of becoming…(36:14)  The story of mothers…(42:59) MORE FROM JOY HARJO Joy Harjo's Website Poet Warrior: A Memoir More Books by Joy Harjo Upcoming Live Events Follow Joy on Twitter and on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Sep 16, 2021
Introducing: Pulling the Thread
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45-minute conversations and investigations with today's leading thinkers, authors, experts, doctors, healers, scientists about life's biggest questions: Why do we do what we do? How can we come to know and love ourselves better? How can we come together to heal and build a better world? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Aug 30, 2021