Today on The Best of You podcast, we're starting a new series on Boundaries and the Bible. And we're starting with what I call the Yes Side of No.

So many of us struggle with setting external boundaries because we keep the focus on the other person. But the work of setting boundaries starts inside of you.

In today's episode, I walk you through how to build to trust with yourself from the inside out. Here's what we cover:

1. Why I don’t believe boundaries start with No 

2. Can I really learn to trust myself? 

3. What about sin? 

4. What is an internal (vs. external) locus of control and why does it matter? 

5. Examples of promises you can make to parts of you carrying pain 

6. Examples of promises you can make to your body 

7. A challenge to you that we'll circle back to next week.

Thanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!

Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold.

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here

Music by Andy Luiten 

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

Sometimes living at peace with other people, means living at peace with disappointing them.

It’s incredibly important to balance your responsibility to other people with a deep sense of responsibility to your God-given self. It’s not only good for you. It’s good for other people.   

Living at peace with yourself is a process of figuring out that balance. Here's what we cover in today's podcast episode:

1. How to make peace with yourself 

2. Making friends with yourself 

3. Living at peace with others 

4. Facing your fear of disappointing other people 

5. How Jesus disappointed people 

6. How to disappoint people with integrity

Thanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!

Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold...

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here

Music by Andy Luiten 

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

At the exact moment I began to bring The Best of You to life, I encountered a  trauma that would literally knock me off my feet, forcing me to test everything I hoped to write about. This week is the 2-year anniversary of that trauma. It’s unbelievable to me that this book is coming out next week on 9/13.   

In today’s episode, I read this very personal story from the introduction of The Best of You, along with some added commentary. It’s a tender story. Thank you for holding it with me.  

Thanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today! 

Preorder The Best of You and take advantage of all the bonus resources until midnight on 9/12.  

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here 

Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik  

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

This week on the podcast, we’re talking about selfhood. Many of us have been taught that "self" is bad. But there’s a big difference between selfhood and selfishness. Furthermore being selfless is not always the right choice.

Reclaiming a healthy sense of self is not opposed to faith. In fact, learning to honor yourself goes hand-in-hand with honoring the One who made you.

I get personal this week, because this journey is deeply personal for me. We discuss:

1. My own story of loving God but not having a self 

2. What is the difference between selfhood and selfishness? 

3. Why is selfhood key to healthy relationships? 

4. How selfhood is the missing first step to setting healthy boundaries 

5. What does the bible have to say about selfhood? 

6. Jesus’s example of selfhood

Thanks to our sponsor Better Help —Go to www.betterhelp.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 10% off your first month!

Preorder The Best of You and get loads of free healing resources.

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here

Music by Andy Luiten 

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

Today’s podcast episode is all about church hurt. A church is a family—at its best it’s a place to learn about God, a place to heal, and a place to give & receive in community. But just like any family, when leadership turns toxic the results are devastating. You have so many questions for me about the pain that comes at the hands of a church family. I enter into today’s episode with a spirit of reverence and a prayer for all who have been hurt in this way.

1. What is church hurt? 

2. The problem with the term church hurt 

3. Why anyone with power (pastors, leaders, parents, and yes, even therapists!) hold great responsibility 

4. Examples of church hurt 

5. 3 Red Flags for toxic church cultures 

6. The problem with groupthink 

7. How do I heal from church hurt?

Key Point: 

God doesn't force, control, or manipulate you. God meets you where you are tenderly, and He wants to restore the goodness in your life that was taken away from you by an abusive leader.

Thanks to our sponsor Better Help —Go to www.betterhelp.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 10% off your first month!

Preorder The Best of You and get a bunch of free healing resources.

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here

Music by Andy Luiten 

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

Today’s podcast episode is one of your top requests: it’s all about attachment. Be sure to listen to the end for my thoughts on how attachment wounds impact our human relationships and our experience of a loving God. Here’s what we discuss:

1. Why I think we’re not just one attachment style

2. What are 4 different attachment styles?

3. Can your attachment style change?

4. The key ingredient that creates attachment

5. How to create secure attachment with your own children

6. Why our attachment styles create confusion in our adult relationships

7. A picture of healthy attachment from a favorite old movie

8. My thoughts on God and attachment

Thanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here

Preorder The Best of You here and get loads of free resources.

Music by Andy Luiten 

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

Today’s podcast episode is packed. Phew! You wanted to talk CPTSD (or complex trauma) so that’s where we’re going, with a side note on trauma & faith communities and some thoughts on what it *really* means to find safety in other people.

1. What is CPTSD? 

2. What are the symptoms of CPTSD? 

3. How does it impact healthy self-trust & an experience of safety in other people? 

4. Why I don’t believe you are a label 

5. My thoughts on trauma and faith communities 

6. 4 key ways to heal from CPTSD

Thanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!

Preorder The Best of You

Register for 5 Toxic Behaviors & How to Protect Yourself

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here

Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection at dralisoncook.com 

Music by Andy Luiten 

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

Psychology Buzzwords are back, only this time you picked the topics! This week we're focusing on the 4 Fear Responses, often called Survival Responses or Trauma Responses, with a special look at the Fawn Response.

1. What are 4 common fear responses? 

2. What is the freeze response? 

3. What is disassociation? 

4. How are these responses helpful? 

5. What is this Fawn Response? 

6. What are the hidden fears underneath it?

7. Why doesn't talking myself out of a fear response work? 

8. What *does* work to help me return to calm?

Thanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!

Find a list of resources for this episode here.

Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection at dralisoncook.com 

Music by Andy Luiten 

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

This week on the podcast, I’m answering 3 of your questions! All of these questions relate to dealing with our parents as adults:

1. How do you cope with an internal critical voice that came from a parent?
2. What is the next step after recognizing that my parents were narcissistic?
3. Am I disrespecting my parents when I set boundaries with them?

I discuss:
—What is an inner critic?
—How do we retrain an internal critical voice?
—What beliefs do we take in when raised by narcissistic parents?
—What is trauma-informed therapy?
—God’s heart for healing
—Boundaries 101 principles as an adult with your parents


Stay tuned for next week’s new series: Psychology Buzzwords Round 2 - Listener’s Choice Edition

Find a list of resources for this episode here
Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection at dralisoncook.com
Music by Andy Luiten
Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

Divorce is so rarely discussed yet it touches all of us—whether you've gone through a divorce or love someone who has. That’s why I’m so grateful that Eryn Eddy bravely went there with me today. This is such an honest conversation about the pain of divorce—and the compounded pain that comes afterward.

She speaks with nuance & humility about the loneliness of a distant marriage, and how discovering the secrets that led to that distance didn’t come out until after she’d shouldered most of the blame. She is upfront about owning her own stuff, even as she *finally* realized it was not her job to own his.

Before we dive in, I want to highlight 2 points:  

—If someone is telling you: “If you were more godly or if you were more loving, then HE wouldn’t do XYZ (porn, cheat, drink. . .)”  that’s called *blame shifting* and it’s toxic.  

—If your spouse is narcissistic, couples therapy likely won’t work. And it could end up hurting you. (See this episode podcast page for resources.)

Here’s what we discuss in this episode:  

1. You can be loved well as a child and still bump up against toxicity in your adult relationships  

2. How doing all the “right things” didn’t work.  

3. How the pursuit of attention outside of marriage is often more subtle than we like to admit  

4. Why loneliness or pain in marriage is so hard to talk about  

5. How secrecy in marriage can lead to confusion and self-blame  

6. How Eryn learned to “date herself” and find validation apart from men  

7. Why it’s important to both own our mistakes *and* show compassion to ourselves for what we do when we are in pain  

8. How she learned to trust a new therapist after a bad experience

Connect with Eryn on Instagram @eryneddy or @soworthloving 

www.eryneddy.com  

www.soworthloving.com

Find a list of resources for this episode here

Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection here

Music by Andy Luiten 

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

If you struggle with body image or how to make wise decisions on behalf of what you *actually* want out of your life, please do not miss this episode.

Christy Meeks provides such grounded, thoughtful, and focused insight into how she overcame the pain of weaponizing her body and learned to work with her body as a beautiful and unique gift. She is a wife, a mom of 5 children, and a body image coach.

1. How one painful moment in childhood changed the way she viewed her body for decades 

2. The way exercise can be both a weapon and a superpower 

3. How to find ways to physicalize emotional pain, so that it flows through our bodies 

4. The pain of miscarriage 

5. Why she decided to leave social media 

6. How to translate self-awareness to action, so that we’re living our lives with intention. 

7. How true freedom comes from the inner conviction that you are living the life that is right for YOU.

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode here 

Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection here

This podcast is a gold mine of rich, hopeful nuggets for anyone who has struggled to overcome limiting beliefs. My guest, Mary Marantz, is so gentle and thoughtful and wise as she reflects on the challenges of her childhood and the life she went on to create. It’s a beautiful tribute to the power of “both—and.”  

We discuss these topics and more:  

1. Different types of poverty 

2. How the messages our parents give us and the desires of our own hearts can create painful inner conflict 

3. The limiting beliefs we pick up without even realizing it—and how to break free from them 

4. How to honor a parent while also disagreeing with them 

5. The 10 scripts we all have to confront in our minds 

6. The temptation—and the danger—of being the woman who always come through  

Connect with Mary at www.marymarantz.com/quiz, or on Instagram @marymarantz  

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode here.

This conversation is an absolute gift. Bianca is a powerhouse of wisdom who talks honestly about the hidden pain that both motivated her and almost got the best of her. She shares about the moment she passed out on her dorm room floor from carrying so much hidden pain—and how she began to face the fears that drove her.   

You do not want to miss her encouragement for listeners with mother or father wounds and the commitment she made to herself to “die empty." We discuss these topics and more:  

1. Will I struggle with feeling pain forever? 

2. Why trying to “just be happy” doesn’t work. 

3. How her first trip to counseling was a bust 

4. How fear can motivate us in both positive and negative ways 

5. The burdens of generational trauma that can add to our pain 

6. The pressure she put on herself to heal so she wouldn’t pass on pain to her own children 

7. How she learned to advocate for herself and “staffed” herself accordingly  

Connect with Bianca at behindtheconfidentsmile.com or on 

Instagram: @biancancotton & @behindtheconfidentsmile   

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode here.

Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection.

We are launching a new series on the podcast this week:

Real People Overcoming Real Problems! 

You do not want to miss this very first episode with author, speaker, podcaster, and new friend of mine, Ashley Abercrombie who shares with me her story of overcoming addiction and learning to ask for help.  

Ashley speaks candidly about the pain in her life, how she tried to numb it, and the divide that nearly shattered her until she learned to ask for help. And do not miss the last part of this interview where Ashley talks about how she's been getting through a period of extended isolation and loneliness these past few years.  

We discuss SO MUCH in this episode—here are just a few highlights:  

1. The various big “T” and little “t” traumas that can lead to addiction and painful patterns of self-soothing. 

2. Why carrying your pain silently doesn’t work. 

3. How Ashley finally found healing in safe community 

4. Why failure is our friend 

5. How to be helpful (and what’s not helpful) to people who are struggling 

6. The wisdom Ashley would give her 20-year-old self now.   

Connect with Ashley on Instagram

Ashley’s After Hours newsletter on Substack

Books by Ashley: Rise of the Truth Teller: Own Your Story, Tell It Like It Is, and Live with Holy Gumption Love Is the Resistance: Learn to Disagree, Resolve the Conflicts You've Been Avoiding, and Create Real Change  

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode, at https://www.dralisoncook.com/overcoming-addiction-and-learning-to-ask-for-help/

Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection. 

Music by Andy Luiten 

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

The #1 question I get asked about is how to set boundaries.  

They are so important and so powerful, and yet they are so hard to set. 

We dive into the power of boundaries in this episode and I guide you through a real time exercise on taking that first step no matter what you are facing.  

1. Why is it so hard to set boundaries? 

2. What is the primary purpose of boundaries? 

3. What 2 skills does boundary setting require? 

4. What is the first step to setting boundaries? 

5. What does the Bible have to say about boundaries? 

6. An exercise to help you take a first step.  

Key Take Away: Boundaries are not primarily about saying no to other people. Boundaries are first and foremost about safeguarding the heart, mind, soul, and body God has given you.  

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode at www.dralisoncook.com/the-best-of-you-podcast/  

Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection at www.dralisoncook.com  

Music by Andy Luiten  

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

What is this “inner child” we see everywhere on social media and in pop psychology trends? Do I really have one? Is this just woo-woo psychology or is there science behind it? Why does it matter? We’ll get into all of this today, including the power of memory in shaping who you are.  

Here’s what we’ll discuss:  

1. What is an inner child and do I really have one? 

2. Is there any science behind it? 

3. What is an internal family? 

4. Who is the wise parent inside of you? 

5. What does the Bible have to say about our inner child? 

6. A 10 minute guided reflection to help you connect to a young part of yourself.  

Key Takeaway: Like a wise parent, we can learn to parent the young parts of us. We can bring them to Jesus who invited the children always to come to him—without shame or judgment.  

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode at www.dralisoncook.com/the-best-of-you-podcast/  

Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection at www.dralisoncook.com/do-i-really-have-an-inner-child/

Music by Andy Luiten  

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Do you get so consumed with the needs of others, that you lose sight of your own? 

Do you struggle with focusing on caring for yourself?  

There's no shame in codependency—I've struggled with it for years. And I believe nearly everyone struggles with it on some level. Learn the surprising antidote to codependency and how to take steps toward healthy dependence.  

1. What is codependency? 

2. What’s the difference between being kind and being codependent? 

3. What are some examples of codependent behaviors? 

4. 5 signs that you might have codependent tendencies.   

5. 2 indicators you might be in a codependent relationship 

6. 3 practical ways to move toward healthy dependence  

Key Takeaway: There’s a difference between being kind—and caring for someone else while causing harm to yourself.  

Questions for reflection:

 What keeps you from noticing and focusing on your own needs? 

Which of the 3 steps offered at the end of this episode can you take to move toward healthy dependence?  

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode at www.dralisoncook.com/what-do-i-need-to-know-about-trauma/

Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection at www.dralisoncook.com 

Check out the Human Hope Podcast here 

Music by Andy Luiten  

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Trauma is a bigger player in our lives than you might think.

It's the unacknowledged guest at every gathering of humans. 

And if we could learn to understand it better, we'd create a kinder, more compassionate world.   

In today's episode we discuss trauma:     

1. What is trauma?     

2. What are Big T and little T traumas?     

3. How does trauma impact your relationship to yourself, others and God?     

4. The shaming messages that often sneak in as a result of trauma     

5. What does the Bible say about trauma and healing?     

6. How do you begin to heal?  

Questions to consider: 

What if what happened wasn’t your fault? 

What if you didn’t deserve that treatment? 

What if there’s not something wrong with you? 

What if you were created a beautiful soul made in God's image? 

Is there any sliver of you that could believe that? 

What if the heart of God is to heal?  

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode, including trauma-informed care, at www.dralisoncook.com/what-do-i-need-to-know-about-trauma/ 

Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection. 

Music by Andy Luiten 

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Do you shove yourself aside? 

Do you think it's selfish to love yourself—or even wrong?  

Learn practical steps you can take toward improving one of your most important relationships, your relationship with YOU. 

We'll cover: 

1. My story of shoving myself aside 

2. What does self-love really mean? 

3. Can I love myself and love God? 

4. 2 reasons you don’t love yourself 

5. 4 messages that teach you *not* to love yourself 

6. An exercise you can do each morning to start loving yourself.  

Questions for Reflection:  

—What messages have you heard about loving yourself? 

—What is one action you can take toward honoring yourself this week? 

—Try the MEPS exercise mentioned at the end of this episode. What did you notice? Were you surprised by anything?  

Key takeaway: The way you treat yourself will have a direct impact on how you treat others.  

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode at www.dralisoncook.com/what-is-self-love-and-should-i-really-love-myself/

Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection at www.dralisoncook.com 

Music by Andy Luiten  

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

In this special bonus episode, I answer two of your questions:

1. My spouse used to gaslight me, but has shown meaningful change. I'm still angry. What should I do?

2. My parents were narcissistic and now I constantly seek validation from others. How do I stop?

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode at www.dralisoncook.com/the-best-of-you-podcast

Visit www.dralisoncook.com to sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection. 

Music by Andy Luiten 

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

What should I know about gaslighting? 

In this episode we'll discuss:  

1. What is gaslighting? 

2. What are some examples of it in real life? 

3. Why do people do this? 

4. What does the Bible have to say about gaslighting? 

5. The #1 question I get from people who are dealing with a gaslighter 

6. How do I protect myself with someone who gaslights?  

Questions for Reflection: 

—Are there any relationships in your life where gaslighting is occurring? 

—Who are the people you trust? 

—Who are the people who help you move toward the best of who you are? 

—Are there any areas in your life of dishonesty or deception?

Key takeaway: The more you get honest with yourself and with God, the more you detect honesty and health in others. 

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode at www.dralisoncook.com/the-best-of-you-podcast/ 

Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection. 

Music by Andy Luiten 

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

You’ve heard the word narcissist, but what does it really mean? In this episode we’ll discuss: 

1. What narcissism is— how it’s presented in the Bible and the criteria psychologists use to diagnose it 

2. The difference between labeling people vs. naming behaviors 

3. Different types of narcissism 

4. What it feels like if you’re in a narcissistic relationship 

5. How do I know that I’m not a narcissist? 

6. The antidote to narcissism  

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode at www.dralisoncook.com/the-best-of-you-podcast-what-is-narcissism-really/

Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email at www.dralisoncook.com and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection. 

Music by Andy Luiten

Welcome to The Best Of You podcast with Dr. Alison Cook!

This podcast will help you discover what brings out the best of you. It's about helping you break free from painful patterns, mend your past, and discover your true self in God. Dr. Alison Cook is a psychologist who has worked with people for over two decades. She is also an author and teacher at heart who loves taking complex topics and breaking them down into practical tools you can apply in your everyday life. She also specializes in bringing faith into psychology. Her work came out of her own faith journey and how she found that while she wanted to know God she needed to figure out a better relationship with herself. Dr. Alison Cook shares these tools with you and the things she has learned from her own story and her work with her clients so together we can learn how to become the people we really want to become. 

You will learn about what it means to have a strong sense of self, why that work matters, and why that goes hand in hand with a strong faith in God. Other topics include relationships, codependency, boundaries issues, and toxicity. You will also hear episodes on emotions - loneliness, anger, and guilt and how to discover new ones like confidence, playfulness, and joy. You will learn how to find your own voice as you turn away from harm and  pull in the good things that you need so together we can envision the life and relationships we want with God's help.

Episodes come out every Thursday and Dr. Alison Cook will invite some friends and other experts to share their stories too. She'll also be spending time answering your questions along the way. Join us Thursday, May 5th for the first episode!

Follow Dr. Alison Cook on Instagram @dralisoncook!

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.