The Overwhelmed Brain

By Paul Colaianni

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Category: Mental Health

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Subscribers: 1626
Reviews: 1

 Jan 2, 2020
Great stuff, Thankyou


Get to the root of emotional issues and learn the best way to relate to yourself and others by honoring your personal boundaries and making decisions that are in alignment with what's most important to you. This is not a "common-sense" personal growth and development show. You won't be told to think positively or create affirmations. The Overwhelmed Brain is about accessing that deeper mental and emotional strength inside you so that you can decrease or even eliminate old fears and evolve into the person you want to be. Learn what your parents or caretakers never taught you about emotional wellness and creating strong, non-toxic bonds with others. If you want the exact instructions that will help improve your life, you're in the right place.

Episode Date
Should you be happy letting go of people who are a vortex of misery in your life?
Should family, no matter how toxic they are, be in your life because of your relationship with them? Some people are so emotionally dangerous to be around that unless you distance yourself, you will always suffer when they are around (and even when they aren't).
Oct 17, 2021
425 - The betrayal of relationship trust - Emotional Affairs
Emotional affairs almost always lead to pain. They are a betrayal of trust and an escape from the conversation you should be having in your relationship. Sometimes you have to bring up the hard truths so that those involved have an opportunity to find solutions or closure. Either way, it's easier to deal with a hard truth today than string someone along until it comes out in another, more painful way later.
Oct 10, 2021
Does your amazing personality intimidate others?
Some people have so much self-confidence that they carry themselves in a way that might put certain people off. Those confident in themselves can be kind, respectful, supportive, and caring, yet their personality can still rub people the wrong way. In this episode, I talk about what might be happening. I also go over how the way you make decisions can lead to self-confidence. If you've been working on that in yourself, this episode could be helpful.
Oct 03, 2021
Email Grab Bag 4 - Rising toleration of bad behavior, from victim to victor, porn ruining the relationship
I read three emails from people in three different circumstances. The first one is a troubled marriage where the wife doesn't know why she is staying and can't figure out how to make the decision to leave. Segment two is about dealing with the victim mentality and what questions you can ask a chronic complainer in order to get them to do something about what they're complaining about. Segment three is about a wife who discovered her husband watches porn and since then their once happy, amazing marriage is now in shambles with little hope for the future. Lots to talk about in this episode!
Sep 26, 2021
The obstacles that block the path to self-worth and happiness
Self-worth and happiness is a right. It should be something you proudly claim without fear. Yet, so many people have trouble believing they are worthy, or worse, worthy of happiness. It's time to clear the path of obstacles blocking your worth and happiness so that you can feel good in your own skin again.
Sep 19, 2021
What did you sign up for in the relationship?
When you sign up for a relationship, you sign up for who they are now but are you signing up for who you hope they'll be as well? Are the expectations that should be met when it comes to a relationship? And if they aren't met, do you have every right to demand they be met, "or else?" Sometimes we need to revisit the contract we signed getting into a relationship and what it means for us if who we thought they were isn't really who they are.
Sep 12, 2021
Just how deep do you have to dig to heal unresolved issues?
The past can wreak havoc on the present, especially on your relationships. If therapy, reading, watching videos, and learning all you can about how to improve and heal isn't working, sometimes you need to dig so deep that break down the wall that's hiding the true source of pain underneath. At that point, healing can begin.
Sep 05, 2021
Should you erase every speck of old relationships to focus on new ones?
Is true love supposed to last throughout your life? Should you feel love for those that have wronged you in some way in previous relationships? Is it healthy? Having that loving feeling for previous partners in your life can raise questions in current relationships. It's a good idea to get clear on what your best course of action is.
Aug 29, 2021
Some people just like to put you down and keep you there
The relentless pursuit of power over you is where some people are in your life. They come at you, offend you, insult you, and expect you to do what they want. It's easy to dismiss when they're strangers. But what about if they're family? Is there a way to interact with them and keep your power?
Aug 21, 2021
Perfectionism is a fantastic procrastination tool that sabotages what you value most
Perfectionists, workaholics, and procrastinators unite! At least for this episode. Perfectionism is almost a disease that sabotages your path and takes away your precious time for more important things in life.
Aug 15, 2021
Is it me or them? Difficult people that make you think you're the problem
How many times have you thought you might be the problem when the reality might be much different than that? Are you the honest type that will take responsibility when you discover you're at fault for something? Are they? Lots of questions that deserve answers. It's time to figure out if it's you or them.
Aug 08, 2021
Is it selfish to focus on your own personal development when others need your time and energy?
If you've reached a level of personal growth of development that you are happy about and are ready to take it to the next level, but those around you are still in a place that forces you to slow down and meet them where they are instead, is it selfish to continue your journey or should you go at their pace? In this episode, a wife asks if it's selfish to follow her path when her husband is reaching out to her while on his own path.
Aug 01, 2021
Should you be more tolerant of bad behavior when they can't control themselves?
Sometimes we can't help ourselves. Anger can come out of the blue and suddenly, we're hurting someone we care about.  I received an email from someone who believes that sometimes you need people in your life to understand that you are going to get upset now and again, and they should be empathetic for your inability to control it. They have ADHD and have a challenge controlling the emotions that come up.  What is the solution? Should those you love be more tolerant of hurtful behavior or should they put you in your place, telling you to stop or else?   
Jul 25, 2021
How your body image can make you do things you may regret
If you have ever dealt with body image issues, this is an important episode that addresses the subject of someone who lost over 100 pounds and learned that people treated her much differently afterward, She was living the life she always wanted. Until she realized it wasn't only the pounds she lost. She lost something a lot deeper. And happiness didn't last. This is a special episode of The Overwhelmed Brain where I introduce you to an amazing podcast called A Slight Change of Plans. I'm going to play you a segment from an episode that I believe has a powerful life lesson for all of us. A Slight Change of Plans is hosted by Dr. Maya Shankar, who is a cognitive scientist that studies how our minds work and how we change. She hosts intimate conversations that give an unvarnished look into how people navigate changes of all kinds and use that change to ultimately grow. You’ll hear little-known personal stories and reflections from familiar names, like Tiffany Haddish, Kacey Musgraves, and even former first lady Hillary Clinton. Tune into A Slight Change of Plans to hear extraordinary stories from real-life inspirations, like a young cancer researcher in the throes of a stage 4 diagnosis. Their stories and circumstances couldn't be more different, but they all share one thing in common: life threw them a (slight) change of plans. On this episode, Elna Baker shares a powerful story of personal and physical transformation that took a turn she didn't expect. After losing close to 100 pounds in five months. she realized she had lost herself in the process. You can hear more episodes of A Slight Change of Plans at:
Jul 22, 2021
Can dysfunctions be useful?
Fears you learned to cope with in childhood can easily turn into dysfunctions as an adult. How you cope today makes a huge difference in what happens in your life and who you keep around in your life. Sometimes you can resolve a lot of problems by getting rid of useless dysfunctions. But sometimes you can utilize dysfunctions to your advantage. This is a packed episode.
Jul 18, 2021
Does it make sense to try and change a controlling person?
The more you try to please a controlling person, the worse your life will get. Highly controlling people cannot be satisfied because people around them will never be able to do enough to meet their criteria. Even when you meet it, there'll be more you need to give. If you're dealing with a controlling person, this might be the episode for you.
Jul 11, 2021
The best kind of relationship is the one where you can be yourself
Romantic relationships can create some of the most complex emotional challenges in your life. From heartful to heartache, from elated to deflated, relationships bring us through a roller coaster of emotions until we are either fulfilled or completely drained. It doesn't have to be that way. Sometimes the right tools and the right mindset can create relationships that don't have to be so difficult. In fact, they can be wonderful when you know how to deal with the challenges that show up.
Jul 04, 2021
When you don't want to deal with someone else's fears, worries, and anxiety anymore
It's a challenge to stay present for someone who is so down and out. Sometimes you go into your own "stuff" trying to help them with theirs. It's the curse of many highly sensitive people, and certainly difficult for almost any empathetic person. But there are ways to do this, and sometimes it's necessary if the person you are there for just can't get out of their upset.
Jun 27, 2021
Sometimes the best healing and growth takes place away from other people
We can create our own dysfunction but be so jaded by those around us that we can't think clearly enough to stop toxic or hurtful behavior. There's a time when you have to get away from other people so that the fog can lift and you can think clearly. It is during those times when a lot of healing can take place.
Jun 20, 2021
The inside the box thinking that keeps your emotional triggers alive
Many unresolved emotions sit outside the box of current thinking. Albert Einstein said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” When you aren't getting the results you want today, or you find yourself easily triggered by certain events or people, you may be carrying around old baggage that perhaps requires a level of thinking just outside the box. If you don't want to go outside that box, it could be why you're stuck.
Jun 13, 2021
What fills the holes left behind when people leave you or die?
When someone you care about leaves or dies, there is a space inside you where they used to be. Your identity was wrapped up with them. They were a part of you. And because of that, when they're gone, you can feel lost. You can feel lonely within even when you're around others. It's important to start filling that space with something that gives you meaning and purpose.
Jun 06, 2021
Is it always necessary to dive into the past to heal old traumas?
Where should you start when it comes to healing old stuff from the past? Should you do a deep dive into your childhood, bringing up all kinds of memories and traumas that you may or may not have repeated to therapists over and over again? Or should you talk about how it bothers you today and see if someone can help you gain a new perspective? What about skipping over the trauma and just looking at what behavior came out of it? There's a path you can take to reverse old emotional triggers just by doing something different to get a different result. If it sounds too easy, then you definitely need to listen to this episode.
May 30, 2021
The part you play when you get terrible results
There's a cause and effect to patterns of behavior that, if you don't recognize the relationship of those behaviors to the results you're getting, you may be creating results that you don't want. However, when you find out just what you're doing that might be causing you to sabotage your own happiness, you might be able to turn things around.
May 23, 2021
When feelings of inadequacy prevent you from enjoying what's right in front of you
When the feelings of inadequacy overcome you, do you let them linger in the background? Do you repress them so that they come out in emotionally destructive ways later? Inadequacy usually has a source. We'll talk about that and a lot more in this packed episode.
May 16, 2021
Self-reliance, self-respect, and a mindset to go along with it
A single thought can change everything. Your perception relies on your mindset which relies on your thoughts. This is a multi-faceted episode covering three different topics but reminding you of the importance of self-respect, creating access to inner resources, and how being around the wrong people can take away both.
May 09, 2021
The hidden emotions that may be inside you and you don't know it
Most people aren't taught emotional intelligence in their upbringing. And because of that, there are often lingering negative emotions hanging around inside us that might need to be addressed if we're going to experience a life without the burden of anxiety, depression, and emotional triggers. Getting out of anxiety and depression are often not easy tasks, but there is an angle I take today that might give you a good start.
May 02, 2021
Closing the door so that you can stop overthinking and start moving forward
Sometimes you have no idea why someone did something that hurt or affected you somehow, and you just have to know the reason. You may never find out because they won't share that reason. I call this an open loop. It's how we become obsessed with certain thoughts that we can't get closure for. When this happens, life can seem to stop, and anxiety and depression have a higher chance of starting. It's time to close the door on old thought patterns that only do us harm.
Apr 25, 2021
The Ten Commandments of Personal Power - Part 2
Part 2 of a two-part episode. Personal power, or empowerment, has a formula. That formula can lead to a much more enjoyable and fulfilling life. Knowing the formula is the first step but following it is an entirely different animal. In part two, I add more principles, or "commandments", to help you improve your life. 
Apr 18, 2021
The Ten Commandments of Personal Power - Part 1
Personal power, or empowerment, has a formula. That formula can lead to a much more enjoyable and fulfilling life. Knowing the formula is the first step but following it is an entirely different animal. Let's talk about applying these principles, or "commandments", to your life. 
Apr 11, 2021
Random romantic relationship questions answered
About 90% of the people that reach out to me have a question about their romantic relationship. That makes sense because relationships can be complex and tricky to navigate. In this episode, I tackle four relationship questions and share some of the lessons I've learned over the years in my own life.   For more guidance on difficult relationships, head over to
Apr 04, 2021
Learning to counter rude and intimidating behavior from others
Whether it's the jerk at work or that one person in your family that just doesn't like you, rude and intimidating people can be found in any corner of the world (and under many rocks). In this episode, I share seven suggestions that will help you counter those behaviors and perhaps even make some of these people start respecting you again.
Mar 28, 2021
Getting comfortable in your own skin
Getting comfortable in your own skin is more than developing confidence and facing the fear and doing it anyway. Confidence is one component. There is also self-worth, self-esteem, self-compassion, and self-love that needs to occur so that even if the most hurtful person tries to criticize you or put you down, you will know yourself so well that it will be impossible to believe what they are saying about you. To stop self-sabotage, check out the workbook here:
Mar 21, 2021
The secret to making passive-aggressive people less aggressive
Passive-aggressive people have a knack for making you feel bad without you even realizing they're making you feel bad. Their covert methods are designed to poke at your emotions like tiny emotional daggers. If you want to thwart their often hurtful behavior, it's vital to take them out of ambiguity and into the details. This might be the scariest episode ever for the passive-aggressive person in your life.
Mar 14, 2021
When their sexual history bothers you
Your sexual history is yours, but some people like to make it a big deal and cause you to feel guilt or shame for things you did long ago. Whether you regret what you did in the past shouldn't make a difference because it's your past and no one else's. Other people need to keep their eyes off of your rearview mirror and put their focus on the road right in front of them.
Mar 07, 2021
Every action you take in your life either increases your power or decreases it
If you gave yourself a +1 for every empowered decision you made and a -1 for decisions made that avoided consequences, would you be abundant in personal power or in deficit?   Every decision you make and every action you take every day either adds to your power or depletes it. It's important to be conscious of this as those 1's can add up quickly! You just want to make sure you're going in the right direction more often than not.
Feb 28, 2021
When the fear of failure stops you from doing anything and everything
It's one thing to be afraid to fall off your bike. It's another to never consider riding one just in case you fall. The fear of failing can be imagined as so traumatic and painful to some that they literally do nothing instead. As you know, doing nothing leaves you in a rut. It is the fastest way to go nowhere. Maybe it's time to learn to redefine failure and learn what success actually feels like.
Feb 21, 2021
Laying down the ground rules for the toxic people in your life
If you want a toxic person to change, it will probably never happen. However, there is something you can do to change the course of the relationship that may actually cause them to act differently. Sometimes you gotta make rules that guide toxic people to healthier behavior.
Feb 14, 2021
Making the shift from repeatedly being upset at someone else and letting it go
When you have emotional reactions that you don't want to have toward someone you care about, you probably try to control yourself but fail. Because of that, the pattern repeats itself over and over again until you heal from some past event or shift your perception so much that what used to bother you simply disappears. That shift is possible.
Feb 07, 2021
The risk you take by being your authentic self
Do you form authentic relationships by being the real you, or do you only show people what you believe they want to see? What are the risks of showing up as the real you? It may be worth taking a risk to find that out.
Jan 31, 2021
Making the decisions that help you prevent overwhelm
If you make the right decisions ahead of time, you can prevent overwhelm from being a normal part of life. It's a matter of making decisions that are in alignment with who you are at the deepest level. When you don't, anything goes.
Jan 24, 2021
How some life choices bring on your own suffering
You can be around people that mistreat you, call you names, and are just downright nasty, and you could still be responsible for your own suffering because of how they show up in your life. It's vital you know the role you play and if you have a choice other than the one you're making in certain situations otherwise you could find yourself in a whirlwind of hurt that might be completely avoidable.
Jan 17, 2021
Feeling more secure with your insecurities
We bring our insecurities with us everywhere we go. To work, to appointments, to our relationship, and everywhere else that might bring a sense of fear into our lives. It's important to address what you are insecure about so it doesn't become a challenge that you have to repeat over and over again. It's not required that you overcome your insecurities, but it sure makes life easier.
Jan 10, 2021
Learning to control your own reactions and overreactions
Some people might say you overreact and sometimes you agree with them but can't figure out how to stop doing it. If you find yourself reacting as if you were in fight or flight, it's time to get a grip on your emotional triggers and change the patterns that create those reactions in the first place.
Jan 03, 2021
The path to empowerment is full of risk and reward
Empowerment means having choices and some level of control over the results you get in your life. Disempowerment, as you know, is quite the opposite. In my book, , I take you along the path from disempowered to empowered. In this episode, I summarize the path so that you can get a good start.
Dec 27, 2020
Arguing as a tool for healing
Are arguments ever productive? You may not like to do it (I know I don't) but if done right, you can release a lot of negative energy and you might even get to some core issues that need to be addressed. Addressing the core issues is so much healthier than carrying around negativity that drip feeds into the relationship in destructive ways.
Dec 20, 2020
Don't let fear of confrontation make you silent
What if you could tell someone something that was bothering you but present it in a way that didn't seem confrontational? If you have a fear of confrontation, perhaps this is the episode you need to make a shift that takes you out of the fear and into empowerment.
Dec 13, 2020
Learning the difference between useful and unuseful emotions will change your level of happiness
Every important memory has an emotion attached to it. The negative ones almost always stand out more than the positive ones, so it's important to determine which emotions are useful and which aren't. Knowing the difference can make the difference in how happy you are.
Dec 06, 2020
Loosening the grip emotional pain and suffering can have on you
Some people walk around with an underlayer of negativity that doesn't necessarily affect their lives but does affect their level of comfort and happiness. If you find that you talk down to yourself and just can't seem to get past the negative feeling you're carrying around, this episode will help you ask the right questions so that you can start, and maybe even finish, some healing you need to go through.
Nov 29, 2020
How to avoid making the same mistakes over and over again
If you make bad decisions or keep getting results you don't want, it's time to tackle that problem once and for all. If you aren't making decisions based on what's most important to you at the deepest level, you may drive off the cliff one too many times.
Nov 22, 2020
Choosing between the empowered response and the dysfunctional one
Some people are just difficult to be around. They display toxic or hurtful behaviors and they never seem to want to change even when they know you're bothered. You have a choice in how you respond to others. And the choice you make will have an effect on what behavior you get in the future. That's an important choice! And it's also a great topic to talk about today.
Nov 15, 2020
The past, present, and future of unpleasant memories
Negative events from the past get encoded into our brain so that when we recall them, we can usually remember about when they happened. Because of that, we can actually use time to our advantage to help feel better about those memories, and maybe even get rid of the residual emotional triggers altogether.
Nov 08, 2020
Disarming people that disempower you
There are mental tools you should have in your toolbelt when dealing with snarky or hurtful people. Their goal might be to make you feel bad or guilty, so you may need to find a way to disarm them so that when they try to hurt you with their words, they become confused when you don't react the way you used to. This episode will provide some tools to make communication with toxic people a bit easier while also keeping your power.
Nov 01, 2020
When loved ones reject your reality and replace it with their own
Your mental health is too important to let those in denial ignore your suffering and invalidate your experience. The solution to someone's ignorance could be to put the harsh truth in their face. Or it could be to just accept that some people will always be blissfully unaware or in full denial. Acceptance that you can't get through to everyone might be the one reality you can rely on.
Oct 25, 2020
Feeling crazy because you don't have the answers
There are a lot of unknowns in life. Some unknowns have answers, some don't. Some do, but the person who knows the answers won't share them with you. This episode is about those people and how to deal with the limbo state you might get in when you want the answers but can't get them, and may never get them. You can't walk around in frustration, confusion, and limbo all the time. There has to be a doorway out of those states and it's time to find that door and walk through it. For more episodes, visit  
Oct 18, 2020
Sometimes facing yourself is the only way change can happen
Carrying around emotional baggage weighs you down. It's no way to live. Yet millions of people do live this way. Carrying this kind of weight around with you all your life can keep you from happiness, at least to the extent that it could be experienced if you were able to process and release that old baggage. In this episode, I talk about some of the concepts of self-care and personal growth to help you start the journey of letting go of what no longer serves you.
Oct 11, 2020
Friends and family that try to be helpful but really aren't
Some loved ones really want to help you through your challenges. There are those that listen and support you and meet you where you are. Then there are those that have good intentions but fail miserably. It's not that their incompetent, but it could be that they simply have no clue what they're talking about. For more episodes, visit    
Oct 04, 2020
The pain you sometimes need to go through to increase your quality of life
The level of happiness and fulfillment you feel on a day to day basis can change based on many factors. One of those factors has to do with the ability to make hard decisions that may involve big changes that you're not ready to face. The fear and pain associated with change can often prevent us from doing what we need to do to increase our quality of life. However, sometimes the lesson is that in order to reach a higher level of satisfaction in life, it might involve scary steps you don't want to take. For more episodes, visit    
Sep 27, 2020
Taking the blame for their behavior
You don't want to take the blame but it sure seems like you take it more often than you should. Perhaps there's something a bit more covert going on that you need to know about. In this episode, learn how some people have mastered the art of painting you into a corner. And learn how to counter it too. Visit for more episodes.
Sep 20, 2020
When you don't know who you are
Have you ever really learned who you are at a deeper level? Sometimes we walk around doing the things we're supposed to do, but rarely stop to figure out who is doing those things. In this episode, I read an email from a woman who never got a chance to learn who she is because of narcissistic parents telling her who she is all her life. Now that she's a wife and mom, she feels lost. If you're lost, it's time to find yourself. Visit for more episodes.
Sep 13, 2020
What to do when the judgments come out of you
Are you more judgmental toward those you love? Today I talk about how your judgments can dissolve the love in your relationship and what to do to heal from being judgmental. The road to healing from judging others can be challenging, but the rewards are too rich to pass up. For more episodes, visit
Sep 09, 2020
Can there be peace and balance in an unbalanced relationship?
Some people have a strange way of balancing their lives. Some folks will pick up a hobby or hang out with friends. But others may take a darker route. They'll betray their partner or become addicted to drugs or alcohol. You may not see that as balance, but for some people, that's how they get it. There are of course healthier ways to balance your life & your relationships, but in this episode, we're going to talk about the less popular ones. For more episodes, visit  
Sep 06, 2020
Practicing non-confrontational ways to honor yourself
Sometimes honoring yourself around others feels confrontational. The reason is because you may not have honored yourself in front of certain people, so they may not have ever seen you show such self-respect and self-compassion before. If that's the case, you might have to ease others into this new you so that they have an opportunity to adapt. Sometimes this works, other times, you get to find out exactly what they really want from you. Visit for more episodes.
Aug 30, 2020
What to do when you're going nowhere
If you're on a road that you believe is never going to end and never going to get better, what do you do? Should you just accept that's your lot in life and you should just accept it? Or do you take a leap of faith in a direction that leads to the unknown in hopes that life will get better? There is always hope, but sometimes it has to be pursued. Visit for more episodes
Aug 23, 2020
The regrets and leftover emotions after someone dies
When someone we love passes, it leaves a hole in our heart and sometimes a lack of closure. It's that lack of closure that keeps us in feelings of guilt, regret and other emotions that we just can't shake. If you'd like to heal and move past those feelings and start living life again, this episode may help you achieve that. Visit for more episodes
Aug 16, 2020
Do people think you're stubborn for honoring your boundaries?
Honoring your boundaries isn't always easy. Some people will think you're being a jerk or stubborn. Some will even say that you're changing in a bad way even though it's good for you. Get clear on what you will and won't accept from others and your life will change for the better. visit for more episodes.
Aug 09, 2020
Working through those old emotional triggers so that you can stop the PTSD and start living life again
Emotional triggers are what develop when you go through a traumatic event in your past, then the memory of that trauma stays with you and comes up at different times causing you to feel upset, hurt, or angry, which can affect your relationships and your life. Experiencing an emotional trigger is like PTSD and it needs to be healed if you want a higher quality of life. Visit for more episodes
Aug 02, 2020
The intimacy that happens behind their back
Cheating and infidelity can be a sensitive topic. You could be a victim to it, you could be the cheater, or you could be the one seeing someone who is cheating on their partner to be with you. No matter what, there is almost always heartache on the other side. It doesn't mean there isn't healing, but there is almost always pain. In this episode, I receive a message from a woman who is seeing someone cheating on his wife to be with her, and I read another message from someone who was once the cheater. Several angles to discuss on the topic of infidelity in this episode. Visit for episodes on emotionally abusive relationships. 
Jul 31, 2020
When loved ones resist the decisions you need to make for yourself
Sometimes you have to make a decision you know will have an impact on everyone else, even when your decision doesn't really affect them. They just make it their issue when it's really yours alone to deal with. In the first segment, I read a message from a transgender man who had to make a lot of hard decisions in life. In segment two, I talk about the hard decisions you might need to make in your life when you face resistance from those closest to you.   Visit for more episodes. 
Jul 26, 2020
Depression or the blahs shouldn't be a way of life
If you've suffered depression and haven't found your way out yet, or you've found your way out but it still sneaks up on you, I share some strategies in this episode that may help you feel just a glimmer of something better. Visit for more episodes.
Jul 23, 2020
Walking around as an adult with dysfunctions from childhood
There are many dysfunctions that can be learned when you're growing up. Many come from trauma, neglect, or abuse, but others can come from seemingly innocent things too. We don't know the full impact our childhood had on us until we're older trying to relate to other people that aren't those we grew up with. In this episode, I read an email from someone who has learned a lot about her childhood dysfunctions and how she is finding her way out of them.
Jul 19, 2020
Email grab bag: Getting ghosted while dating and when you have trouble forgiving someone who wronged you
I read two emails today. One on getting ghosted while dating. A young woman cannot find someone to continue dating because they keep disappearing! And the second segment is about forgiveness and wanting to hate but stopping yourself because of your values or spirituality. Visit for more episodes.
Jul 16, 2020
Should commitments always be a forever thing?
Getting that job, buying that house, moving in with that person, promising to repay a debt... all commitments that that most of us go into with good intentions but is it required to keep them no matter what? Some commitments may need to be re-evaluated to make sure the same criteria still applies.   Visit for more episodes.
Jul 12, 2020
More on taking a stand to make changes in your life - A peaceful approach or take a risk instead?
Taking a stand or protesting an injustice in your life isn't always about being aggressive. Often, it can be a peaceful objection that helps you move toward honoring yourself. Sometimes you have to take a bigger stand, even at the risk of loss. In this episode, I receive an email from someone who didn't appreciate my comments from the previous "Take a stand" episode so I talk about taking a stand even more today.
Jul 08, 2020
Email grab bag: Purging awkwardness, the perfect partner, lonely and depressed
I read three emails that dive into awkward feelings when interacting with others, deciding whether to settle for someone who doesn't know what they want in a relationship, and someone who wrote to me saying that they are lonely and depressed. Lots of variety makes for a packed show. Visit for more episodes.
Jul 05, 2020
How to deal with the worries of today and the emotional triggers of every day
The challenges of today seem greater than ever. Emotions are running high and we can become triggered easily. What do you do with all this pent up energy? If you're not using it to fight for a cause or help you out of a dangerous situation, it may be festering inside you causing you to feel pretty rotten. In this episode, I give you questions that you can ask yourself to get out of the whirlwind of negativity and into a calmer space inside you. visit for more episodes.
Jun 28, 2020
I can't get you out of my head but I need to so I can start living again
Obsessing about your ex wastes all your time and keeps you in a rut that you can't get out of until you take hard steps to disconnect from them completely. That involves a lot of will power and a lot of knowing that you are amazing, worthy and lovable. Visit for more episodes
Jun 24, 2020
Dealing with mean family
There is a way to deal with mean family members. It may involve treating them like other people instead of family, which can help you disconnect from wanting to impress them or be loved by them. Or if you're not trying to do that, and you're just trying to get along with them, you might have to dive further into your bag of tools. Visit and for more episodes.
Jun 21, 2020
Sometimes you have to take a stand to make a change in your life, even if you're scared as hell.
When you're in a situation that needs to change, but you're too afraid to take a stand or just hope it changes on its own, you may be waiting forever. Unfortunately, waiting for changes can often involve exposing yourself to a toxic environment, causing long-term emotional damage. If you want change, you might have to take a big scary step to get it. Visit and for more episodes on relationships    
Jun 14, 2020
Your life's purpose does not have to be about you
When you can't find meaning and purpose in your life and you're not sure what your next steps are, and perhaps you're feeling antsy or anxious about those next steps, sometimes you have to think outside yourself and figure out what really brings you meaning. I keep the existential very practical in this episode, so maybe it's the trip you've been wanting to take for a while. Visit for more episodes.
Jun 10, 2020
Can love enable those you care about to do bad behavior_
If you love someone, can you set them free to the point where they hit bottom? Sometimes the bottom is the only way back to the top. Tough love exists for a reason and sometimes it is the only way to see true change in someone who is being self-destructive. At that same time, it's important to define what love really is and if you are showing it and receiving it in a way that is healthy for everyone. It's not always easy to love, but it can be extremely rewarding when you have the right formula. Visit and for more episodes on relationships
Jun 07, 2020
When people don't like you
Ever have someone just not take a liking to you? When that happens, do you brush it off and move on with your day? Or do you brood about it wondering what you did wrong and what you can do right to make them like you? Is it okay to not be liked? I talk about that and more in this episode. visit and for more episodes
May 31, 2020
When you have to make a big decision about the relationship
Sometimes when you're in a relationship with someone, you might not know where it's going or if it will even make it. I prefer taking action instead of waiting for things to happen. In this episode, I share some ways to take action when there's a decision to be made about the relationship. Visit and for more episodes on relationships
May 27, 2020
Waiting for someone else to change so that your life will be better
When you're doing the work, but the people around you aren't, and you are hoping, wishing and even praying that they "see the light" and make the changes that will be good for them, but they simply don't or won't work on themselves, what's your next step? That's the subject of today's episode.   visit and for more episodes.
May 24, 2020
The emotional aftermath of getting free of the narcissistic relationship
The emotional challenges you experience after breaking up with a narcissist usually go way beyond grieving the end of a relationship. You can be stripped of your ability to see life clearly from that point on unless you heal. In this bonus episode, I cover a lot of ground when it comes to dealing with what happens to your mind and body as you transition out of one of the more toxic relationships that exist. Visit and for more episodes about this and more subjects.
May 21, 2020
Why you're not getting a second chance
When you get a second chance at a job, relationship, or anything that you wanted a do-over on, what's the best way to show up? Do you try to impress and show others how much you've changed? Or does that actually work against you? Visit for more episodes and check out for The SAFE System on Anxiety
May 17, 2020
The toxic residue that lingers inside you from people that make you feel bad about yourself
When someone treats you badly, you can hold on to the emotions of that moment... forever. That diminishes your feelings of fulfillment and satisfaction and can linger with you even on your happiest days. It's time to address those emotional triggers that sneak up on you and ruin your day.   Websites: Difficult Relationships:  
May 10, 2020
Learning that your adult child suffered child sexual abuse
What is the right thing to do or say when your adult child tells you about their sexual abuse? I read an email from a mom who recently learned that her adult daughter was abused by another child when she was young. I bring my girlfriend Asha, an advocate for the prevention and healing of child sexual abuse, into a conversation about this topic for an honest, heartfelt discussion & guidance for the mom. Prevention & healing websites: The Overwhelmed Brain website: The Love and Abuse website for emotionally abusive relationships:
May 07, 2020
When your top values aren't being met, the rest of it falls apart
When your top level values are being met in your relationships, the rest of it usually works out. When they aren't, you suffer and the relationship often fails. Every relationship, whether it's platonic, romantic, or family, contains components that make up what we value. Trust contains confidence and honesty whereas distrust contains fear and stress. I talk about that and read a few emails making for a variety show today.   Get more TOB at Learn how to deal with difficult relationships at
May 03, 2020
Know and stand by your standards for the healthiest relationships possible
We're all in relationships of some sort, but how happy those relationships are will depend a lot on what you're willing to allow and unwilling to accept. What you allow into your relationships sets the tone for the rest of the time you are with these people. If you allow toxic behavior, life will feel pretty miserable. Relationships require you to have some courage to stand up for what is right for you. Visit for more content on behavior and relationships. Visit if you are having difficulty in your relationship. #emotionalintelligence #selfhelp #personalgrowth #lifeishard #personaldevelopment #selfhelptools #beyourself #authenticity #unlimitedpotential #motivational #youareamazing
Apr 26, 2020
When you desperately want an explanation or closure but you can't get it
You know that feeling you get when someone does something that surprises you in a bad way but they don't tell you why? When you aren't given the reason for their behavior, you may walk around with that unfinished business feeling . It's what happens when you really want to move on from an event in your life but just can't seem to get past the fact that you don't know why it happened. It's a tough place to be, but it needs to be resolved if you're going to move on and enjoy life again. Visit For help in navigating the difficult relationship, visit
Apr 19, 2020
How to feel better about yourself
Carrying around dysfunctions from childhood makes all your interactions harder and your life tougher. Add to that anyone that says anything critical to you, and any negative feelings you have about yourself are amplified. It's time to access a part of yourself that helps you feel good about yourself - maybe even great.
Apr 12, 2020
New relationships should not create worry about what it is or isn't
Long-distance dating can be more challenging than doing it in person, but should it contain anxiety, worry, and being completely unsure if it's even a relationship at all? Someone wrote to me and asked me about anxiety while dating during the pandemic. However, perhaps the answer has nothing to do with the Corona virus and more to do with the person she is trying to connect with.
Apr 08, 2020
Getting comfortable letting go of what no longer serves you
Can you get back up after a big fall? If you're struggling to do so, your foundation may not be as stable as you'd hoped. The components that make up your life: Your job, your family, your home, the city you live in, your car, etc, all have some sort of meaning or value to you. When you start to let go that which no longer serves you, you start to free yourself from the toxic components. What do you value and what gives you heartburn every time you think about it? Sometimes removing one small thing from your life can make a big change.
Apr 05, 2020
Making sure toxic people and toxic environments don't take over your life
What do you do when peace and happiness are just around the corner, but getting there is full of toxic obstacles that you feel powerless against? There may be priorities and values in place that need to be changed, but that's not all. When you don't make the changes you need to make, you end up holding on to resentments and building a wall around your heart so that you connect less and are more unhappy in general.
Mar 29, 2020
When social anxiety, fear, and loneliness keep you from doing what you want to do
Social anxiety and feeling awkward in social situations is more normal than you might think. Not everyone is a gregarious extrovert that can start a conversation with anyone. If you're dealing with social anxiety, fear of judgment from others, or loneliness, and you feel like you're not living life to the fullest, this episode may be what gets you through the challenges. Get the SAFE Empowerment System for Social and Generalized Anxiety at
Mar 22, 2020
When life seems like an endless series of dead ends
There's a path out of misery that some people don't take because of fear. But when the misery never ends, why not take that path? The gain is usually far greater than the loss. I talk about that path in this episode. I begin today's episode talking about the coronavirus and what you can do when you don't know what to do.
Mar 15, 2020
The one question to ask yourself when you can't figure out what to do
There are many situations that show up in our lives that challenge us. Sometimes we are able to act authentically and have our truth motivate us to take the right steps. Other times, fear drives us to hold back what we really want to say or do, prolonging our challenges and keeping us from moving forward. The choices you make in crucial, challenging moments such as this can define your entire life, let alone predict your future level of happiness.
Mar 08, 2020
Overcoming a general distrust of people and the benefit of taking risks
If you are cynical about people and feel vulnerable and exposed around most people you meet, perhaps it's time to address that in yourself so that you walk around in confidence. It takes courage and risk, but not at the cost you may think.
Mar 01, 2020
Am I overreacting or are they just a jerk? And the woman who is the last to know about the family secret
Are you just too sensitive or is the other person really being a jerk? I read a follow up email from an episode a few weeks back and answer a question about the difference between being triggered and someone's bad behavior. In segment two, I change it up and talk about child sexual abuse and what might happen when the family secret is found out.
Feb 23, 2020
When the fear of abandonment keeps you from happiness
When you're needy and fearful of someone leaving you, or something ending, you tend to miss all the best moments of life. Fear of abandonment can dominate your thoughts causing you to miss out on happiness and fulfillment. When you grow beyond that fear, you might actually starting enjoying life again.
Feb 16, 2020
Those selfish people that don't care if you're hurt by their behavior
This episode is about selfishness. When you are interacting with people that only want what they want, regardless of how it affects you, you're in for a very dysfunctional, and possibly emotionally harmful situation. It's important to know your line and know when people cross it, then honor that line so that you don't lose a bit of yourself.
Feb 09, 2020
Bringing the best version of yourself into a world full of fearful people
Creating a relationship with yourself is the first part of the bigger picture of having great relationships in your life in general. But what happens when fearful people think you're starting to enjoy being yourself too much and are afraid that you'll go off and leave them behind? You start by getting to know yourself, then being unafraid to be yourself, then learning how to deal with others who aren't so ready for your happiness. It's a packed episode.
Feb 02, 2020
Making impossible decisions
If you're always looking in the rear view mirror, it's quite possible you're not creating the life you want. Sometimes you get to the tipping point where you just can't stand it anymore and you take action. On segment two, there's a seriously difficult decision facing someone who wrote to me who is married but wants to explore being transgender, but his wife is upset and the marriage is in limbo. The impossible decision looms over him.
Jan 26, 2020
How to help yourself and others by accessing your inner wisdom
When you have a challenge that causes you stress and you want to make the right decision, you may need to dive in a little deeper to get a good answer. Whether you're preparing for what you know will be a difficult time, or you're helping someone else with their problem, there's a way to get to access that inner wisdom for a possible solution.
Jan 19, 2020
Staying positive while other people get what you want and you don't
The feelings of jealousy or envy can quickly take over when someone else gets what we want, or succeeds at something we're trying to accomplish. There's a choice we make in that moment: To be upset and feel defeated, or be inspired to try harder and make something happen. What you choose determines whether you win or lose.
Jan 12, 2020
When it feels like you never get enough from life
Will you ever have enough love, or enough money, or enough time, or... When you're always trying to get more but never seem to get ahead, it's time to figure out why that is. I talk about that and more in this first episode of 2020.
Jan 05, 2020
Keeping old emotional pain out of the new year
If you could loosen the grip old emotional pain has on you, do you think you'd feel better and be happier? Whether you're holding on to old negative feelings or you've discovered past emotional wounds, this episode will help guide you to your first step toward healing.
Dec 30, 2019
Keep your power by giving yourself one of the greatest gifts possible
It's important to bounce back from the setbacks and always move forward so that you aren't drowning in the anger, sadness, or upset from the past. Sometimes even present circumstances can be enough to stall your forward momentum. This is why it's vital to make sure you recharge your personal power so that you are no longer a victim to the world and can start taking charge of your life.
Dec 22, 2019
Using loved ones as a verbal punching bag
Are you really angry at the person standing in front of you? Or is that past unresolved trauma coming up in the moment adding tension and making your loved ones not want to be around you (or you around them)? With holidays and other gatherings, it's a good time to talk about what to do with those repressed triggers that are lying in the deep recesses of your mind.
Dec 15, 2019
How to avoid destroying yourself with guilt
So you did something you regret and now you walk around feeling guilty... that has to end. Guilt isn't something you keep, it's supposed to be a message that disappears after you've learned the lesson. If you carry guilt, it's time once and for all to let it go.
Dec 08, 2019
Being alone
Sometimes it's a choice, sometimes you don't want it at all, but at one time or another, you're alone. Even when someone you love is right next to you, there are times you still feel alone.
Dec 01, 2019
What to do when your self-improvement creates fears and conflict in others
When you go through any type of self-improvement, there will be people that won't support your growth, and there will be those who love that you feel good about yourself and are becoming happier. Those who don't support you improving yourself and making changes that are good for you want you to stay the same so they don't have to adapt to the new you. Those that do support you are just happy that you're happy. I'll give you one guess which ones create the most conflict in your life. Whether its gatherings during the holidays or just regular get togethers, it's time to make a choice about who you're going to be when you see those people again.
Nov 24, 2019
What comes out of you when people push you over the edge
What lurks inside the depths of your emotional state that is conjured up when you are triggered? What happens when someone pushes you over the edge? Do you keep your composure or do you lose control? The unhealed emotional space inside you tends to come out in triggered moments. It's time to heal what's left unresolved so that you get the results you want instead of the ones that come from "losing it".
Nov 17, 2019
Establishing boundaries with toxic family
When you dread that phone call or personal visit with family that you hope goes well but never does, it's important to learn how to establish boundaries. You don't want to spend most of your time in anxiety waiting for the next family reunion. Toxic family can make life hard. Not being able to avoid toxic family can make it even worse. Hopefully this episode gives you some tools that help you survive those dreaded family gatherings once and for all.
Nov 10, 2019
"There must be something wrong with me": How you brainwash yourself by reinforcing negative false beliefs
We can get so good at convincing ourselves how broken or terrible we are sometimes. In fact, some of us go through life thinking that there must be something wrong with us because why else is our life turning out as it is? This is a deep episode that covers a lot, so be prepared to be empowered to learn just how not broken you are.
Nov 03, 2019
Facing the challenge, getting through it, and coming out of it new and improved
Challenges are inevitable. They are impossible to avoid. And when you manage to avoid them, do you really learn what you need to in order to get through the next one? You can spend your whole life avoiding challenges, but will you ever feel liberated from the stress and anxiety of life if you do so? I tackle those questions in today's episode.
Oct 27, 2019
When others make you feel small
Is it possible to argue with love and respect for the other person? What if they can't but you can? If you ever feel small or are made to feel inferior after an argument with a loved one, it's time to learn what to do when it goes too far.
Oct 20, 2019
Are you inadvertently responsible for your own unhappiness
What happens when you can imagine what would make you happy, but you can't have it in the real world? Sometimes you have to tolerate the bad to get to the good, and sometimes you just have to get away from the bad altogether.
Oct 13, 2019
Processing thoughts and emotions through self-guided questions
Sometimes you don't have a coach or therapist around to walk you through the challenges. When you are experiencing a negative emotion, there are questions you can ask yourself to reach a new level of processing and healing. The work of Byron Katie plays a role in this episode as I talk about "The Four Questions" from her writing on "The Work".
Oct 06, 2019
Keeping your power in conversations with controlling, dominating and overpowering people
If you can't ever seem to win an argument with a certain person in your life, or you feel like you can never get closure on an issue because that person keeps turning it back on you, this episode will give you some tools to use next time you feel like you're losing your power.
Sep 29, 2019
Dealing with the impossible boss and other relationship advice when it comes to job, career and life
When your boss is a jerk, do you still go to work? Most people do, but then what? You continue to accept your boss's bad behavior and just pretend you're not affected? This episodes provides great communication tips not just for your superiors, but for anyone in your life that might just be very difficult to deal with. Free career resources at
Sep 22, 2019
Jealousy in the relationship
Several major components need to exist in a relationship in order for jealousy to take control. When there's jealousy between you and your partner, there is almost always a decrease in love and connection, and an increase in unhappiness and anxiety. It's time to put jealousy to rest once and for all.
Sep 15, 2019
When there's insecurity or fear around sex, the entire relationship suffers. And a listener disagrees with my advice
When you have issues with sex in your relationship, and you don't discuss it with your partner, your relationship suffers. Or if you do discuss it and you can't reach a resolution, you will feel it throughout your time together and never be as happy as you could be. Also in this episode, I read an email from someone who disagreed with my advice.
Sep 08, 2019
Making difficult and sometimes painful decisions that almost always improve your life
The key to long-lasting happiness and fulfillment is about ten percent luck and ninety percent of what I talk about in today's episode. If you struggle in your relationships, your job, or life in general, you may be sabotaging your own path to success. Start making decisions based on what's most important to you instead of from a fear of the consequences and you'll end up with a vastly different reality.
Sep 01, 2019
Enforce your boundaries, keep the balance, stop the compromising, end your suffering and more: Email grab bag episode
Relating to other people is the majority of how our life is spent, so what do you do when you can't relate? I cover a lot of topics in this episode, from trying to not upset the balance of a difficult relationship to learning how to not compromise yourself when it comes to creating balance in any relationship. Welcome to the grab bag email episode.
Aug 25, 2019
What you might have to do if the people and situations in your life never improve
What can you do when you really want to change a person or a bad situation but can't? What if you know someone is awful to be around and unhealthy for you, but you can't get them out of your life? In this episode, I give you five steps you can take to learn what it takes become just a bit happier even when impossible people and things are in the picture.
Aug 18, 2019
The big, scary steps that lead to positive change
How big of a leap do you have to take to create real change in your life? Is every step a leap of faith that causes you to carry around fear and stress all the time? Can you take baby steps to heal and grow into the person you want to be, creating the life you want? I explore that in this episode.
Aug 11, 2019
Self-help variety episode: Anxiety, guilt, and people who are worried about their personal life interfering their professional life
Guilt should be a temporary emotion yet so many people hold on to it for far too long. In today's episode, guilt takes center stage, but I spend time talking about how to make the right life choices when it comes to allowing or not allowing the challenges at home interfere with your professional life. I end the show talking about a very effective anti-anxiety technique that I use when I need a quick fix.
Aug 04, 2019
Changing your habitual negative emotions about the past or future
It can be so hard to stop replaying fears or trauma from the past or anxiety about the future, but if there was a an alternative to obessively replaying the same negative throught over and over again, would you try it? What if it was ridiculous? What if it was effective? Only one way to find out.
Jul 28, 2019
Holding yourself in high regard when others don't
Sometimes you have people in your life who regard you and your feelings as unimportant and below theirs. When you agree with their assessment that you are less important or inferior in some way and don't deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, you start to disintegrate your worth and self-esteem.
Jul 21, 2019
When people don't step up in your defense
What do you do when someone you believe cares about you doesn't stand up in your defense? What if there's a wrong they don't right and you are stuck taking the fall? The subject of today's episode is all about what we expect from others and perhaps, what we shouldn't.
Jul 14, 2019
Those intrusive, invading and disturbing thoughts that you try to resist and repress
When your thoughts make you feel bad because you believe you shouldn't have them, you might repress them and stuff them back where they came from. However, doing this may be exactly what keeps those negative, intrusive thoughts alive.
Jul 07, 2019
The tough-love principles of living a life without giving away your power
You can lose your confidence, energy, and mental and emotional strength when you allow certain unhealthy elements into your life. In this episode, I'll share the important principles that, when practiced, allow you to keep your power and be more fulfilled overall.
Jun 30, 2019
When you just can't move forward because of inner conflict
One way you can experience inner conflict is when you feel undecided in what to do next. Sometimes we can feel split: A part of us wants to do one thing while another part of us wants to do another. What if those two parts of our mind could work things out? That's what this episode is about.
Jun 23, 2019
The decisions that cause you to lose your power and keep you in a rut
Making decisions that are right for you involve some scary moments. Some of them are giant leaps of faith with no view of the landing. When you make these leaps, you reach a new level inside you that shows others that you care about yourself enough to take risks for your own empowerment. This is an important episode if you find yourself in a rut of negativity.
Jun 16, 2019
You got through the bullying when you were younger but how do you deal with the residual as an adult?
Being bullied when you were younger can create unresourceful behaviors and unnecessary fears when you're older. In order to get past these fears, you may have to do some work on yourself.
Jun 09, 2019
When you don't even realize you're giving a free pass to bad behavior: The simple formation and difficult termination of codependent relationships
How do you enable the bad behavior of other people? What actions are you taking that are causing certain people in your life to show up in a way that is toxic or unhealthy? It's very difficult to end codependent relationships, especially when you don't even realize you're in one. This is an important episode if you just can't seem to shake the unhealthy behavior of those close to you.
Jun 02, 2019
Dealing with those passive aggressive, negative, so hard to be around people that you just hope get it one day
Passive aggressive behavior is a way to convey anger and upset to someone indirectly. It takes the form of comments that are meant to hurt, but hard to spot as hurtful. They are forms of poisonous communication that can erode love and connection. This episode will give you some tools to deal with passive aggressive behavior and general negativity.
May 26, 2019
BONUS re-release: When Panic Attacks - The Anxiety Episode
Anxiety is the excessive worrying about future events, based on a story that you tell yourself. However, it's hard to change the story when you actually believe it will happen.  On top of that, the more you believe it will come true, the more likely you'll experience a panic attack. Today I share with you how I've overcome anxiety and panic attacks. My methods may be a bit unorthodox, but you might be surprised how effective they are. For help with your anxiety, visit
May 23, 2019
Utilizing your dysfunctions to work for you instead of against you
Dysfunctions typically don't serve us, they usually get in the way. People pleasing, super perfectionism and responsibility, allowing personal boundaries to be crossed, and so many more behaviors can be obstacles to fulfillment and joy. Some people go their entire lives without being able to get rid of their dysfunctions. So perhaps it's time to utilize them to your advantage and stop chasing the dream of "normal".
May 19, 2019
Criticisms and hurtful comments from others don't apply when you are in alignment with your inner compass
When someone puts you down by criticizing or making you feel bad, is their criticism accurate? Do you believe it to the point where you can't let it go? When you get into alignment with yourself morally, ethically, and sometimes even legally, you feel good knowing you are doing the best you can. And when someone tries to come along and knock you down, your solid foundation will keep you up, or at least help you get on your feet faster.
May 12, 2019
When you can't enjoy life because you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop
It's hard to enjoy life if you are weighed down with the belief that something bad is going to happen. How can you appreciate today if you believe tomorrow will bring misery? There is a path to a better today. This episode will give you some tools to make that happen.
May 05, 2019
Purging negative emotions as soon as they happen
Wouldn't it be great to be able to release the negative feelings that come up after someone upsets you? Or after you do something stupid and start all that inner dialogue? You shouldn't have to walk around for days or weeks carrying around the emotions you don't want. Learning to purge the unwanted emotions in the moment might make for an entirely different type of life altogether.
Apr 28, 2019
Wanting your partner to just stop doing that thing. Are Jealousy or other feelings creeping in?
What do you do when you're partner does something you don't like? Do you stay focused on their behavior and try to make them change it? Or do you shift your focus on what you can control and do what you can for yourself so that your partner can no longer use the excuse that you're giving them a hard time? Jealousy, self-worth and self-esteem make an appearance in this episode. Sometimes the people we love do things we hate.
Apr 21, 2019
Dissolving love and connection by repressing thoughts and emotions with those you love
If you are driven by a fear of being alone and choose to repress your thoughts and feelings, avoiding conflict and trying to keep the peace, you'll find your relationships slipping into the abyss. The ones you are closest to should be the ones you can express anything to.
Apr 14, 2019
Is your compassion killing you? What you think is compassion could be self-destruction
If you show compassion toward someone who then takes advantage of that compassion, do you back off on being kind, helpful, and accommodating? Or do you try even harder by showing them even more compassion in hopes they will finally "see the light"? In order for compassion to work, it has to come from an even deeper place of compassion in you... not for others, but for yourself. Then, when you are abundant in self-compassion, you will be able to show genuine caring and compassion for others with no drain on you.
Apr 07, 2019
When you're told to just accept your partner's emotional affair
If your partner were having an emotional affair, would you know it? What would happen if their ex came into the picture, and they shared laughs and quality time together, would it bother you? Today is jam packed with a lot of lessons about this subject and many more relationship issues you may run into.
Apr 01, 2019
The regrets and upsets from the past that you just can't seem to get over
Do you have any regrets? Are you upset about your behavior or a loved one's behavior from long ago and just can't seem to get over it? Who you were in the past doesn't equate to who you are today. If you are going to get past some of the regrets or upsets from the past, you need to learn to differentiate. This episode will tell you how.
Mar 24, 2019
Always Defending Yourself - Introduction to the Love and Abuse podcast
The Love and Abuse podcast is about poisonous communication and toxic behavior. This is a bonus episode on The Overwhelmed Brain feed just in case you haven't had a chance to tune into Love and Abuse. This episode is about always defending yourself with certain people. When you find yourself needed to constantly defend, it may be something that is being purposefully done to you. It's time to break that cycle.
Mar 21, 2019
The sacred components of personal boundaries and why you should define and enforce them whenever possible
When you learn what your boundaries are and why enforcing them makes you a happier, more fulfilled person, your life changes. It's time to change your life!
Mar 17, 2019
How to create the life you want
If you want true happiness, you might have to do the scariest thing imaginable: Show up and express the most authentic version of yourself. That can be scary and difficult, and that's why it's important to address and figure out what it entails and how to do it.
Mar 10, 2019
When tiny compromises lead to resentments
Do you make small compromises with the people you love so that they will like or love you more? There are two ways to compromise: One has attached resentments, the other doesn't. I'll give you one guess which method of compromise works better for the relationships in your life.
Mar 03, 2019
When you can't fully commit just in case there's something better
What if there's a better job or partner out there for you? Why in the world would you commit to what you have when there's a chance someone or something better could come along? Why commit to anyone or anything ever again when you are plagued with the fear that you may not have the best you could get? What if this isn't the person I'm supposed to marry? What if I buy this house but a year later I realize I don't like the city? What if I commit to this job and it turns out I hate it? I address the "What if?" game in a way that makes you think, so you can stop thinking "What if?"
Feb 24, 2019
When fear is the primary obstacle in your life
Many fears you have can probably be traced back to a lack of knowledge or exposure. Overexposure to what you don't want creates fear. Underexposure to what you don't want also creates fear. So what does it take to become more fearless? More knowledge and exposure! If it were only that easy.
Feb 17, 2019
How family drama can teach you a lot about personal boundaries
When your family has dysfunction, family gatherings can be quite a challenge. What do you do in the midst of family drama? Do you recoil and transform into the old, pre-personally-developed you? Or do you stand firm in who you are today and love then with your healthy boundaries? Family is the final frontier of personal growth. You don't want to miss this episode.
Feb 10, 2019
Part 2 - Making decisions that are right for you and tackling obsession and overthinking once and for all
Part 2 of "Making decisions that are right for you and tackling obsession and overthinking once and for all". Obsessive thoughts and over analyzing can lead to terrible (or no) decision making causing you to stay in a rut that you can never get out of (or get out of really, really slowly). In this episode, I talk about what it takes to make decisions that are right for you so that you stay out of obsessive thinking and get back to a more efficient, more productive, more fulfilling life.
Feb 06, 2019
Making decisions that are right for you and tackling obsession and overthinking once and for all
Obsessive thoughts and over analyzing can lead to terrible (or no) decision making causing you to stay in a rut that you can never get out of (or get out of really, really slowly). In this episode, I talk about what it takes to make decisions that are right for you so that you stay out of obsessive thinking and get back to a more efficient, more productive, more fulfilling life.
Feb 03, 2019
Enduring the spotlight of humiliation, embarrassment and criticism
What can you do when you are getting humiliated or criticized? Are there practical methods of dealing with embarrassing situations? How about hurtful criticism? There's a lot to unpack here. This episode gets into the challenge of dealing with humiliation and criticism.
Jan 27, 2019
When a guilty conscious interferes with your decisions and keeps you unhappy
When a guilty conscience stops you from living a fulfilling life, it's time to do something about it. In part 1, I talk about an email I received from a woman who was in an emotionally abusive relationship and feels guilty because she thinks she may have been an abuser.  In part 2, I talk about the steps you can take to go from guilt to great and why it's so important you release guilt as soon as possible.
Jan 20, 2019
Should you leave or stay in a toxic environment - Is it ever wrong to leave the toxic person, place or thing
When is the right time to leave that toxic person, place or thing? You can have a toxic job, you can live in a toxic city, you can be married to that toxic person, but do you leave? Should you leave? I address something that I believe plagues us all at one time or another.
Jan 13, 2019
When people take advantage of you
What do you do about the freeloader hanging out taking advantage of your time, energy and money? How about people that just don't respect you? Do you care enough about yourself to make sure people don't treat you less than you deserve? An important episode if you have people in your life that just don't seem to care what you think.
Jan 06, 2019
Seven little habits that will change your life - special episode featuring Optimal Living Daily
Want to change your life? These habits may be just what you need to create the life you want. This is a small departure from your typical Overwhelmed Brain content because in this episode I introduce you to another podcast called Optimal Living Daily. OLD is like an audiobook where the hosts reads you personal growth articles every single day.  One of the best things about Optimal Living Daily is that it comes at you from every angle because the articles are written by different people with different experiences. It's good to be exposed to all sorts of teachings so that you can come to your own conclusion on what works for you.  Enjoy this bonus episode of TOB and subscribe to the Optimal Living Daily podcast to get more personal growth and development to improve your life. 
Jan 02, 2019
More self-help variety - The origin of upset, standing up to loved ones, apologies and forgiveness, shame and anger around death and more
Lots more to explore in part two of the self-help variety show. What you are upset about has an origin from the past, exploring that can heal the present. Do you stand up to your family for your significant other? Is it a good idea? How do you handle apologies and forgiveness? Should you ask for forgiveness? What happens when you partner's child doesn't accept you in their life? What do you do with the feelings of shame and anger around someone's death? Lots to explore in this New Year's edition of TOB.
Dec 30, 2018
Self-help variety - Pushy people, jealousy, body image, self-worth, self-esteem, intrusive thoughts and more!
I answer several questions about overcoming jealousy, people that impose their values on you, self-worth and self-esteem, getting over insecurities about body comments, letting go of intrusive, distressing thoughts, expressing yourself and more! It's the variety episode on emotional intelligence.
Dec 23, 2018
When you're downright miserable at work
Some careers just don't fit. You can be happy-ish, but not necessarily happy. Or, you could be downright miserable. I invite Scott Barlow from Happen to Your Career on the show to talk about what it takes to find a career you can be happy in AND successful. Get Scott's free 8 day mini video course on figuring out what career fits you at
Dec 21, 2018
Second chances - How do you know if it's safe to take someone back into your life?
Do you give someone a second chance after there's been a conflict, toxic relationship, betrayal or something else that you swore you'd never do again? What are some positive signs that someone has changed and deserves a second chance? What should you look for? In this episode, I provide important, practical things to observe in someone who might deserve a second chance in your life. Today's highlight is
Dec 16, 2018
What to look for when starting a new relationship
How do you know if the relationship you're starting (or the relationship you're in) is everything you want it to be? How do you know you aren't getting led into yet another heartbreak? Learning the signs of a healthy, functioning, and even happy relationship is how you know whether the relationship is worth continuing or letting go.
Dec 09, 2018
Giving up your power to toxic people
As the holidays come around, you will likely meet up with family and friends. And you may also run into that toxic person or people that you don't look forward to seeing again. Dealing with toxic people requires a few tools so that you can make it through the evening or the week. This episode gives you those tools.
Dec 02, 2018
Living life on your terms
How many decisions do you make in your life that are actually based on what you want instead of how someone else will respond? Sometimes it takes a swift kick in the emotional behind to get moving on your decisions so that you can get out of the emotional rut of trying to please others while losing yourself.
Nov 25, 2018
The 'take care of you' episode: Showing up as the best version of yourself
What does it take to become the best version of you? What do you need to do for yourself so that you become more happy and more fulfilled? This episode is all about you and what it takes to become the most supportive, compassionate person to yourself.
Nov 18, 2018
Avoiding vulnerability and stuffing down emotions
When you carry around an inability to be vulnerable, you can build up an emotional resistance increasing the negativity inside of you. When this happens, you end up living a life that isn't as happy or fulfilling as it could be. I explain this process in this episode.
Nov 11, 2018
Why don't people understand me? Taking responsibility for the meaning of your communication
It can be frustrating when someone doesn't understand what you're talking about. In fact, there are probably people in your life that you try to communicate with but keep ending up in arguments. In order to communicate with some people, you have to meet them where they are. That's what today's episode is about.
Nov 04, 2018
The Silent Treatment
Silence is golden until it isn't. There are three main levels of silent treatment: 1. Processing time to figure out what you're going to do with what you just learned. 2. Cool down time as a way to regulate what might normally be a heightened response 3. A method to make someone you care about feel bad I'll give you one guess which one I'm talking about in this episode.
Oct 28, 2018
Are you enabling the bad behavior of other people?
Do you enable behavior that you don't like? Is it possible that the people that cause you stress do so because you are allowing it in some way? This is a very important topic that may help you get your power back if you adopt and apply the message.
Oct 21, 2018
Decrease Social Anxiety
Social anxiety can be debilitating. In this bonus mini-episode, I talk about one way to start thinking about it differently so that it doesn't have such a grip on you. Take the social anxiety survey at to share your experience. Survey closes November 2018.
Oct 17, 2018
I'm right you're wrong: The sides we take that create division and distress
If they're not like you, you don't like them. If you're not like them, they don't like you. You have opinions, so do they, but should your differences separate you and cause you so much stress that you would rather lose relationships than accept people for their differences? This is a full episode with many angles, everyone will get something from it. Also, take the social anxiety survey at
Oct 14, 2018
Finding your true path so you don't end up living a false life
Trying to find happiness is hard enough, but trying to do it when other people are in your life (or are interfering with your life) is even harder. The first email I read is from someone who has a problem with his girlfriend smoking pot. He wants the relationship, but not the pot. The second email dives into how deeply religious parents might want to continue controlling you even after you leave the nest. This episode is all about finding your true path and making the decision to follow it.
Oct 07, 2018
Stop believing what hurtful people say to you: Transforming negative self-talk to empowerment
Hurtful people do a really good job of causing us to feel bad about ourselves. Not only that, we end up repeating what they said or did to us in our mind over and over again. The emotional trauma can last for months or years. In this episode I help transform the hurtful messages from others into empowering declarations that help us move on see them for who they really are.
Sep 30, 2018
How to avoid miserable relationships by knowing how to make better choices
When you end up in a miserable relationship, who's to blame? Do you feel powerless as the relationship gets worse and worse? It's vital to see the signs at the beginning, but it's even more important what you do later on when you are heavily invested.
Sep 23, 2018
The phobia of commitments and making decisions
If you're a commitment phobe or someone who has trouble making and committing to decisions, you probably notice your life coming to a standstill more often than you want. The solution may be a simple change that's a challenge to implement, but could transform your life. It's time to tackle commitmentphobia.
Sep 16, 2018
Investigating gut feelings in relationships
When you get that suspicious feeling that a friend, family member or partner is doing something deceptive, do you investigate further or take their word when they say nothing is going on? When you have that gut instinct kicking in, it's time to listen and perhaps even dig a little deeper just to get to the truth. I also revisit values and what steps to take to show yourself love, respect and compassion so that you don't end up in toxic relationships.
Sep 09, 2018
Loosening the Emotional Grip Problems Have on You
How difficult is it to experience life to the fullest when you have a dark cloud of problems and challenges? In this episode, I help you tackle the problems in your life with many questions designed to loosen the grip emotional challenges have on you. If you can get some relief from the problems in your life, perhaps you could experience more of what it has to offer.
Sep 02, 2018
The fear that you'll never experience something ever again
The best relationship, job or event in your life flashes by and now you are afraid that's the best there ever was and it will never be that good again. When you use the words, "never", "ever", and "always", you set up your present and future for a daily misery that never ends. It's time to examine the language we use and make sure we are not setting up our reality to be a nightmare.
Aug 26, 2018
Signs that you are a difficult person for others
How do you know if you are the difficult one in any relationship? Whether it's at home, with friends, or family, when everyone seems a bit unhappier than you think they should be, perhaps the common denominator is you.
Aug 19, 2018
The mess of mixed messages
In any relationship, mixed messages are the key to diminishing trust and certainty. When communication is based on deception to make others think one thing while you do or say another, you introduce confusion and sometimes even a bit of insanity.
Aug 12, 2018
When a dysfunctional upbringing leaves you with nothing but broken tools
Your level of function or dysfunction as an adult is almost always determined by the most unhealthy or toxic people in your family growing up. When you are raised by those who didn't or couldn't love and support you as you deserved, you may have developed "broken" tools to deal with situations as an adult. When your emotional toolbox has a bunch of broken tools, you may keep getting the results you don't want, causing you to stay unhappy. In this episode, I help you identify those broken tools and what you can do to start utilizing them the right way, or even fixing them altogether.
Aug 05, 2018
People pleasing your way to unhappiness
People pleasing can be exhausting. Spending time and energy trying to be what you believe other people want you to be destroys relationships and wears on your emotional well-being. In this episode, I help you understand just how damaging people pleasing can be.
Jul 29, 2018
Withdrawing love and affection
If you withdraw your emotions or give others the silent treatment, you may not be surprised to hear that this behavior, if repeated over and over again, can drain your relationship of love, affection, and intimacy. Over time, if not addressed, the relationship can perish.
Jul 22, 2018
When you just can't figure out why you're unhappy
What do you do when you've done a lot of work on yourself and feel like you've addressed the toughest issues in your life but still feel as if there is something missing? What's the secret to figuring out what's keeping you from feeling fulfilled? By asking yourself the right questions, you'll get the answers you need.
Jul 15, 2018
Is Your Negative Self-Perception Making You Believe in Lies?
When you find yourself throwing away compliments in place of beliefs and self-perceptions that aren't true, you stay in a self-perpetuating cycle of negativity and may never get out until you are ready to give up that sometimes you are just plain wrong. People see us differently than we see ourselves. The problem isn't when we think we're better than others perceive us, it's when we don't believe people who say good things about us.
Jul 08, 2018
Increasing intimacy in your relationships and a comment on obsessive thinking
If you have difficulty being intimate, it might be time to stop looking at all the top ten lists on how to get closer to those you love and listen to this episode. I dive into what you need to do to increase your connection and intimacy with the people you love. During the close, I talk about a way to stop obsessive thoughts. It's a bit unusual which is why it might work.
Jul 01, 2018
Should you leave your partner if the future seems bleak?
If you think something is wrong with the relationship but aren't sure if you should leave or if you should work on things, perhaps it's time to get an answer so that you can have some closure. In this episode I help you access the resources you need to make a choice.
Jun 24, 2018
Pulling out of the emotional rut
There is a path out of the rut of depression, feeling unworthy, unlovable, stupid, and any of a number of other thoughts and feelings that can permeate your life. If you're in that miserable, stuck state, this episode may be a path to a door that shines the light on the dark.
Jun 17, 2018
When you can't let go of guilt
If guilt holds you back from enjoying life and making good, healthy choices for yourself, it's time to let it go and gain some forward momentum. Guilt suspends happiness and keeps you from doing what you really want to do in life. Could letting it go completely change your life? It's time to find out.
Jun 10, 2018
The vulnerabiliity of full self-expression
One of the main disadvantages of stuffing negative emotions is that, quite simply, you are probably not happy most of the time. Walking around with so much negativity can lead to mini explosions in your relationships. The key to clearing these obstacles from your system is to express them. But how? And to whom? And will you ever feel safe doing so?
Jun 03, 2018
I don't let anyone get close to me
How much are you willing to risk to have the greatest relationship you can have? How much emotional connection do you want? It seems the more the reward, the higher the risk. In this episode, I talk about how staying emotionally closed up or closed off takes away most of the human experience and keeps everyone you want to love at a distance.
May 27, 2018
When your parent doesn't make you feel worthy
Where does your self-worth come from if it isn't instilled in you from your parents or caretakers? There is a path to a higher sense of self-worth and self-esteem. It may not be an easy path, but it does exist.
May 20, 2018
Are you capable of emotional abuse?
Would you know if you were being emotionally abusive? There is a question you can ask yourself to determine if you are being emotionally abusive or not. Once you know the question, you can change how you communicate with anyone.
May 13, 2018
Learning the process of figuring out problems
What are the steps to figuring out the challenges that come into your life? Is there a process? What happens when someone you know is going through a particular challenge, do you know what questions to ask? Join Matthew Bivens and I as we talk about our process of discovering issues and where to dig further.
May 06, 2018
Releasing the fears and pain by walking the path of enlightenment
Whatever fears, pain, shame, guilt and other negative emotions are lingering inside of you are preventing you from reaching empowerment and walking the path of enlightenment. This episode is all about starting that path and releasing the stream of negative emotions that may be flowing through you.
Apr 29, 2018
Empowering yourself to fearlessness
If you're stuck in a state of constant fear, what can you do to become more fearless and more confident so that you can feel good instead afraid of what's around every corner?
Apr 22, 2018
When you feel unlovable and unworthy
If you've ever come out of a relationship feeling unlovable and unworthy, it's time to consider the source of this false belief and how you are sabotaging yourself for future relationships. Also, I read an email about conditional versus unconditional love and just what makes up love anyway.
Apr 15, 2018
When your partner changes their mind about your life plans
What happens to the relationship if after you make life plans together, one of you changes their mind? I received a letter from a woman who said that she and her husband planned on having a baby, but he has now changed his mind and no longer wants one. There's a lot to discuss in this very challenging topic.
Apr 08, 2018
The life decision you regret - Never find true love again - Do you value yourself
1. That one decision you regret that changed your entire life for the better… or would it have been worse? 2. You lose the love of your life, now you know you'll never be happy again. Can you recover from losing "the one"? 3. You filter you everything you do through certain criteria. Is that filter serving you?
Apr 01, 2018
Life changing lessons and working through introversion
What are the best life lessons to learn along your journey? How do you know what your next step is? What if you're a little too introverted and can't seem to find the courage to take steps that you believe you need to take? Matthew Bivens and I have a discussion about this in this special mid-week show.
Mar 28, 2018
Exploring infidelity - Can the relationship survive the affair
Cheating might be the end of most relationships, but many couples have survived and thrived after the affair. There are many components to infidelity. In this episode, I explore the basics of cheating and what will allow your relationship to survive and heal after the affair.
Mar 25, 2018
The life-altering mistake - Controlling others can lead to betrayal - Things narcissists do
1. One huge mistake can change your life. Then when it's time to make up for that mistake, you have to prioritize what's most important. Sometimes that means losing something you love. 2. When you control someone, you cause them to want to be away from you and seek their needs from someone else. What starts off seeming to be the only way to get what you want them to do turns into the very thing that drives them away 3. What do narcissists do that makes them so cunning? Why does everything feel like your fault? A little taste of the narcissist in this third segment will help answer those questions.
Mar 18, 2018
Emotionally unavailable - Express and heal - Cancelling Criticism
1. If your brain or your heart closes up at the thought of sharing your feelings about someone else, this first segment is for you. 2. It's vital to have someone or somewhere to express the deep negative emotions. Finding that safe person with whom to share your shame, guilt and fears may be just what you need to heal. 3. How do you get past criticism? I read a negative review of the show, then do something a little different on overcoming criticism.
Mar 11, 2018
When you lose your mentor - The biggest problem in the relationship - Control and Responsibility
1. What do you do when you lose your mentor? Here's a trick you may think is a little out there. 2. What is the biggest problem in your relationship? Cheating or worse? To heal, you may have to work on something else first 3. You can only control you.
Mar 04, 2018
Find the Right Teacher - Everything is failing, nothing is working out
1. Have you ever listened to a motivational teacher to the point where you were ready to make huge changes in your life, but after a couple days you lost all that motivation? Motivational teaching is great for building you up, but where do you go after you come back down? 2. Matthew Bivens joins me and we talk about wisdom and when everything in life is failing.
Feb 25, 2018
Controlling upset toward others - Feeding dysfunctional people - Full commitment then re-evaluation
1. When you get angry, frustrated or upset toward someone else, how quickly do you recover? Would you like to recover faster and get into a better space? I'll walk you through questions you can ask yourself that lead to change. 2. How do you feed the dysfunction of others? If you get into emotionally abusive relationships but can't figure out how to stop the abuse, you may be part of the cause. 3. You can commit to someone then re-evaluate that commitment when they don't hold up their end of the bargain.
Feb 18, 2018
Changing someone's life - Tackling your insecurities
1. If you want to change someone's life, sometimes all it takes is a heartfelt "Thank You" or compliment. But not in passing. A thank you or compliment that makes them stop and process it can be quite powerful. 2. If you are dealing with insecurities about yourself, this segment and the final segment will help you start to heal from them. I reveal one of my own insecurities for the first time on the public airwaves.
Feb 11, 2018
Breaking up for newbies - Enabling your own terrible relationship - Dating the emotional abuser
1. Without a history of breakups, your first major one can seem devastating and life ending. In this segment, I help the newbie get through all the symptoms of the first major heartbreak. 2. When you think your relationship is horrible and you find yourself taking up all the slack for your deadbeat other half, are you creating your own misery? 3. One of my clients writes to me and tells me the person she is going to marry is already telling her what to do with her money. It makes her feel uncomfortable and manipulated. She's right. So I tell her what she needs to do.
Feb 04, 2018
Valuing Your Partner's Values for Relationship Longevity
Do you value what your partner values? If not, you may be in for a rude awakening when they suddenly get upset with you for seemingly no reason. What's important to you may not be important to them, and vice versa, but it might be a good idea to make it important to you since your relationship's longevity may depend on it.
Jan 31, 2018
Handling a Rejection - Combining logic and emotion - Leaving doesn't mean not loving
1. How do you handle "no"? Do you suffer hoping the other person would follow you to the ends of the earth, or do you welcome the opportunity to be free of someone that didn't want to be with you? 2. How much of your emotions need your logic? How about your logic needing your emotions? Is it time to be fully unified? 3. A listener asks why they left if they loved. It's not always black and white - sometimes it's to save the relationship.
Jan 28, 2018
Stupid questions that heal - Dealing with the Sociopath - Endless codependence
1. Asking yourself stupid questions may be the path to healing and moving through the hard stuff in your life. We often have choices when it appears we don't - stupid questions may lead to more choices. 2. Sociopathic people in the workplace and at home can be extremely difficult to deal with. I give you one effective method of doing so. 3. In codependence, there is usually a giver and a taker. I'll give you one guess who gets burnt out while the other thinks there's nothing wrong with the arrangement.
Jan 21, 2018
Will letting go of my narcissistic mom destroy my self-worth?
Letting go of a narcissistic parent can seem like cutting off a limb to some people, but what happens right after the moment you make the decision to cut them out of your life? Matthew Bivens of the Having it A.L.L. podcast joins me today to discuss this very thing.
Jan 17, 2018
Getting along with everyone - Stuck in the marriage - Get offline to stretch your mind
1. Race, culture and background can dictate personality and behavior. A listener writes in and asks how to get along with almost everyone. 2. A woman asks if I have any words of wisdom for her regarding a drifting marriage and isolation from family. 3. If you really want to stretch your mind, meet in person, not online. Make real connections.
Jan 14, 2018
Work sucks. Help.
Getting into alignment with a career you want is a whole lot more fulfilling then trudging through each day trying to make the career you're in work. I talk with Scott Barlow, a regular of The Overwhelmed Brain, on finding work that fits and creating the kind of happiness in your life that you can actually get paid for.   visit
Jan 13, 2018
An Addict's Mind - Is Suffering Optional - Avoid Healing by Judging Others
1. The addict has a different perspective of the world according to a recovering addict that writes in to the show. 2. We're told that suffering is optional. I make an argument against and for it. 3. Every judgment you have is a lack of acceptance in you. I help a listener understand his options when it comes to judging his girlfriend
Jan 07, 2018
Resolving Before New Years - Are You The Problem - Free Will or Destiny - Get Ready for Next Year
1. Resolving issues before New Year's resolutions is a better practice for some people. If you have trouble keeping your resolutions, perhaps it's time to change when you make them. 2. A listener writes in and wonders if she is toxic like her boyfriend's ex's or if he is the common denominator. 3. Is free will really free? This philosophical perspective may start the new year off with many questions. 4. If you reflect on how your year went, it's time to look at what you really value so you can plan ahead instead of review the past
Dec 31, 2017
They love you but don't like to say it - Getting over the guilt of how you treated your ex - You can manipulate but should you
1. Is it hard for you or your partner to say I love you? Sometimes the past can play an important role to prevent or encourage those words to come out of someone's mouth. If the love is there but the words aren't, it doesn't always mean there is no love. 2. When you think about how you treated your ex, do you feel guilty? If so, this segment will help you cope and perhaps even get over the guilt so that you can look forward to a brighter future in yourself and your relationships. 3. If you are emotionally abusive, it's time to face up to it and do whatever it takes to heal inside so that you don't subject anyone else to it. There is a path to freedom from your own behavior.
Dec 24, 2017
The Adapting Chameleon Personality - When they hurt you to get rid of you - Accepting or denying toxic family members
1. Are you a chameleon? Do you change as needed for every person and situation? If so, is it really serving you? 2. If someone has ever hurt you so that you would let them go, this segment may tell you why. Fear of your reaction is usually the cause but there are others. 3. Speaking of reactions, what do you do with friends and family that are aggressive or explosive? Do you invite them to the wedding or are you just setting yourself up for disaster?
Dec 17, 2017
When your partner sides with their family against you
If your partner's family is against you and your partner sides with them, what do you do? When you can't feel safe in your own relationship because your partner's priority is his or her own family, you may have some hard choices to make. An emotionally intelligent conversation between Matthew Bivens and I on this special episode of The Overwhelmed Brain.
Dec 13, 2017
The cheater who went from kind to cold when caught - Ex won't return even after I improve - Your intuition needs closure
1 She caught her husband cheating, he blamed her and her family for the affair. He used to be loving and supportive. Now that he can't get his way, he is cold and manipulative. 2 She wants her ex back but all he wants is sex. She complies but feels empty and lonely without him. Now that she has healed from her past and doing better, he still won't come back. 3 When your intuition kicks in, it's important to follow it through to the end. You may not like what you find but at least you'll have closure.   Visit if you need legal advice
Dec 10, 2017
Holding on to a lie to keep the relationship going
When you find out a lie that your partner has been holding on to for months or years, where does that leave the relationship? What if it's a minor lie and your relationship has been going great? Or what if it's a massive lie that you cannot get past? Matthew Bivens of the Having it A.L.L. podcast joins me to answer an email on this very subject in this special mid-week episode of TOB.
Dec 06, 2017
Attracting higher quality partners - Feeling sorry for those that abuse you - Try, try again or do or do not
1. Do you attract the worst partners? What does it take to find a normal person to date? There is a path to attracting quality partners but it may involve facing your fear of loss. 2. If you feel bad for your emotional abuser or manipulator, you are more likely to stay in the relationship and take the abuse. I'll tell you what you need to focus on so the abuse stops 3. When did "trying" things turns into a bad course of action? Ever since Star Wars, it seems we've adopted do or do not… but is that the best course of action?
Dec 03, 2017
Escaping the Real World - Kids and the Narcissistic Parent - The Isolation of the Child Sexual Abuse Survivor
Do you fantasize, daydream, play video games or watch TV in hopes that you won't have to deal with reality? It's not all bad but anything in moderation, right? I talk about the benefits of skipping reality for a little bit as long as you connect with yourself in other ways. For segment two, I go over what you might have to do with your kids when you have a narcissistic ex. During the close, I talk about child sexual abuse and the silent but damaging effects it has on the victim throughout their life, and how this music video might be just the path to healing you need. Watch the video and vote for the People's Choice award at
Nov 26, 2017
Losing love and the general lies we tell ourselves
Black or white thinking can lead you to be untrusting of people and the world in general. If you've loved and lost and cannot figure out how to love as deeply as you once did, it could be a general distrust you carry around - seeing people as either safe or not safe. If you cannot be vulnerable, a difficult thing to achieve after pain or betrayal, you may not be able to rebuild the emptiness in your heart. Dichotomous thinking can keep you from unlocking your heart to anyone else. Today's episode is sponsored by
Nov 19, 2017
Freeze instead of fight or flight - Learning what didn't work with the ex - Healing the hole in your heart
Do you freeze when you get stressed? Learn what you can do to stop the freeze before it happens. What didn't work in your last relationship that you can take with you into your next one? These questions will help you become wise for the future. If you suffered a breakup and you feel that emptiness inside, you may have a hole in your heart that needs to be filled. I'll help you start to rebuild what's missing so that you can start to heal your emotional wounds.
Nov 12, 2017
The abuse victim's perspective - Step-parents and step-children - When honoring yourself leads to loneliness
Why don't abuse victims leave the relationship? In this first segment I talk about the perspective of the abuse victim and no matter how much sense it makes to us for them to leave the abuser, it's an entirely different reality for the victim.   In segment two I tackle the dynamics of step-children and how step-parents can enter a family and be more of a friend than a parent to gain trust and respect from the children.   During the close I address what happens when you honor yourself. Who you thought were friends might disappear from your life but there's so much more to gain.   Get out of emotional abuse with the M.E.A.N. workbook:
Nov 05, 2017
Keeping Your Relationship from Slipping into Dysfunction
If you've had ups and downs with your relationship and you're ready to keep it on track so it doesn't start slipping back down, I'll tell you ten steps you can take to make sure it stays healthy and continues to blossom.
Oct 29, 2017
Stonewalling - Expectations of friends - Emotional abuse follows you - Get away to get closer to people
Stonewalling is damaging to a relationship and can make it fail if whatever is shut down is never brought up to be resolved. Do you set expectations in your friendships? Should friendships be an equal, two-way street? It doesn’t have to be - not exactly. Is there a way to get into healthy relationships after being in emotionally abusive ones? Very important question. What's the best way to connect with people? Find fewer and get away from the crowds.
Oct 22, 2017
How to feed your brain - Why do abusers abuse? - Too scared to be in a relationship - Everything is temporary
The more you expose yourself to new things, the smarter you get and the more your thought processes change. Why does one abuse? This important segment will help you understand the perspective of the one who abuses.    How can you enjoy your relationship if you can't stop thinking it may fail in the future? Worries about tomorrow can make the present feel not as good as it should.   Everything is temporary. The bad stuff and the good stuff, but it gets better as you get through the bad stuff.
Oct 15, 2017
Guilt stops growth - Dad's new girlfriend - Enabling the freeloader
When you feel guilty for wanting to leave your partner because of their bad behavior, it's time to transform that guilt into something more productive.   What happens when you lose a parent and the one left behind wants to date again? Is this something you support or are vehemently against?   Do you live with someone taking advantage of you? Are you their doormat hoping they'll change some day? Maybe that day is today.
Oct 08, 2017
Those "think positively" people - Little problems that lead to explosive reactions - What is a toxic person?
Positive thinking leads to denial which creates negative emotions in your body eventually leading to depression. What?? Sounds like a great first topic.   Little spats in a relationship that lead to massive blowups have an origin. The unspoken words are what cause those big explosions. It's time to connect emotionally rather than logically to diffuse the emotional bombs before they explode.   What is toxic? Do we call people toxic just to avoid our own personal growth? A listener challenges me on the topic.
Oct 01, 2017
Mother treats me badly - Early warning signs in relationships - You are not that - Bypassing intuition
Mom criticizes her, makes her feel bad and unworthy, yet this listener still wants a relationship with her. Do you let go or do you find a way to relate that won't be toxic to you?   What happens when there are early warning signs in your relationship but you choose to ignore them? Are they signs of worse things to come or can you overlook them and expect your relationship to get better?   Do you change for someone else to keep them in your life, or do you want to attract the person that accepts who you really are? The path to a long-lasting bonding involves not settling and not changing for anyone, but are you willing to take being alone for a while until that happens?   Bypassing your instincts to follow your guilt instead could be a dangerous path into denial and maybe even betrayal. Should you follow your instincts even though it could lead to a truth you don't want to know?   Today's episode was brought to you by Casper. Get an awesome mattress at a great price at If you want $50 off, use the code "brain" during checkout and you'll be a happier person.
Sep 24, 2017
When "I Know" prevents healing - How to be a safe partner - When others bypass your intuition
When you are so knowledgeable about your problems, you may have a tendency to be closed off to the solution. The "I know" syndrome can keep you from finding out the root of your emotional distress. It's time to get to the root and release the grip it has on you.   When your partner can't seem to trust you completely and holds back their emotions around you, there is something you can do to meet them where they are. It's not easy - in fact it's a process - but it may save your relationship. One thing for sure, it's not about trying to fix them.   In closing I talk about how other people can help you bypass your own intuition getting you into trouble or submitting to their control of you. It's time to take back control of life by understanding how to hold on to those "something doesn't feel right" feelings.   Visit for your $50 discount on a fantastic mattress
Sep 17, 2017
The no-win conversation - Lashing out at others - Blame the cheater not yourself
Does your partner corner you into a no-win situation? Do they ask you questions that make you wrong no matter what you say? I talk about double binds in relationships and a couple ways to get out of the no-win questioning that often happens in both non-abusive and abusive relationships.   For segment two I talk about lashing out and where it comes from. Are they new emotions that seem to originate in the moment or are they old, stored emotions that derived from a single point in time? Regardless, lashing out can be quite damaging to a relationship so it's time to get a grasp on what's happened in your past.   During the close of the show I address the person who takes the blame for their partner's cheating. Some people are convinced they are the cause for their partner taking conscience steps to cheat. I have news for those people: You are not the cause and I share with you why in this segment.   Today's episode brought to you by Honest Tea. Visit for refreshingly good bottled tea.
Sep 10, 2017
Success via stress - Never too old - judging others when you do the same thing - The guilt of the infidel
Is succeeding in a stressful way better than not succeeding at all? In this first segment I talk about how creating a deadline with accountability keeps you on task and even makes you more creative. In segment 2, a woman writes to say that it's never too late to honor yourself. She did so with a toxic family member and is now starting a new way of life without his involvement. In segment 3, I talk about the issue of judging others for things that you yourself do. It's like telling the alcoholic not to drink alcohol while you're drinking alcohol. Is it ever good to judge the behavior of others when you do the very same behavior? During the close of the show, a wife cheats then lays her guilt on her husband making him feel worse than he already feels.   Today's episode is brought to you by - the legal insurance plan that helps you keep your rights.
Sep 03, 2017
Obsessing about people - Can your marriage heal if you grow - Online shaming
When you obsess about someone you want in your life or someone that broke up with you, what can you do to stop the never-ended thoughts? What about when you go so far as to stalk them and find out everything you can about them? This is a two-part segment because there's a lot to talk about. In segment two a woman wants to know if she heals and grows will her husband see that she is better and want to stay in the relationship. However the husband has been manipulative and unkind to her, letting her know that she's the one with the problem and she's the one who needs help. Can they save their marriage or are they doomed to fail? During the close of the show I talk about Justine Sacco and how her life was ruined because of a misunderstood joke on Twitter. Public shaming takes the stage in this segment. Visit for your legal insurance to protect your rights.
Aug 27, 2017
See me, Judge me - Is your opinion really that important?- Stop Oversharing - What is No Contact?
Standing up for your boundaries can have the consequence of being called out. I address critical feedback from a listener who calls me out on what she believes to be smug and superior behavior. Can someone with a fear of abandonment be in an intimate relationship with someone who has a fear of commitment? That's a great question that I help a listener consider.  Do you overshare? I read a message from someone who says her oversharing is a big problem in her life, causing all kinds of boundary violations for her. I end the show talking about what it takes to go full no contact from an emotional (and other) abusers. Visit to keep your rights when the bullies come after you
Aug 20, 2017
Trusting Your Gut - Can You Reconcile with Someone You've Hurt - Making Decisions Easier
Do you trust your gut? Do you want to? I tell you how in this first segment where I share how I almost got conned by a store clerk. In segment two, high school sweethearts get married then divorced ten years later. After a lot of emotional abuse and healing, he wants her back but she's not ready. Is reconciliation possible? In closing I tell you how to make decisions that allow you to do some time traveling so that you can get an idea of how you'll feel after making them or not. A packed episode brought to you by
Aug 13, 2017
Blaming Others for Everything - Does time heal? - The overworking ADD partner - Hanging up on family
You will get the results you want as soon as you accept responsibility for your role in every problem in your life. What is your level of success? Segment one will help you measure it and come up with a game plan for you.   Segment two talks about the how important relationships are, especially the one with yourself. Almost every relationship issue you have with others needs nurturing in yourself. Nurture you and your relationship will be healthy and toxic-free!   In segment three I read a letter from someone who is sick around her partner who has ADD and ignores her most of the time. What do you do when you have a romantic relationship where your partner is more focused on work than you?   During the close of the show I talk about the best way to handle the continuously criticizing family member.  
Aug 06, 2017
Wanting someone who doesn't want you - The price of inauthenticity - When you want someone to get help
When you pursue someone you want romantically but they don't want you, the result is often hurt feelings or worse. What about when you love someone so much that you want them to love you back and they won't? Should you continue your pursuit? If you try to convince them that being in a relationship with you will be the best thing for them, it may create a very unstable and probably short union. Love and being in love are two different things - when you learn to love, you learn to release. This release may highlight that the pursuit isn't really about love at all. In segment two, I read an email from a woman who eats out of anger because her husband doesn't want to be with her sexually. Now she's overweight and knows she's going down the wrong path but isn't motivated enough to lose weight. She still wants to be intimate with her husband but their growing anger and frustration with each other is keeping them distant. There is a path to closeness but it may involve taking risks that could lead to the end of the relationship. The upside is that it could also lead to the most powerfully bonding future they could possibly ever have. During the closing of the show, a listener reaches out to me and asks me if it's a good idea to tell her sister to get help. Her sister has already refused her advice but she is watching her sister and her family decline as things seem to get worse and worse. The more she wants to help them, the more they feel judged and like she's interfering. There is a line that you have to draw with yourself when someone doesn't ask for your help. It involves some humility, a whole lot of faith, and your ability to show up as the best version of you. Your best self can lead to someone wanting to learn from you. Today's episode is brought to you by the most affordable legal insurance plan around. Visit for more info.
Jul 30, 2017
Criticism and how you are like them - How to start the therapeutic process - The damage to the soul when someone dies
You know that feeling you get when someone puts you down? How about when you feel like you're doing everything right but that one person tells you how you're doing it wrong?   In segment one, I read an email from someone who gives me some critical feedback about how I communicate my message over the airwaves. He also tells me something I'm doing blatantly wrong. I share my reaction and the emotions I went through, and what you yourself probably go through when someone points out something that you did wrong as well. Sometimes there is truth in what they say. It can hurt and help at the same time. And, more importantly, can we see a bit of ourselves in the critical person?   In segment two, I read a message from someone who has no idea how to start a therapeutic process. He isn't sure where to begin with his many challenges and isn't sure how anyone could even help him. I outline the steps to starting a journey of getting help for whatever issues you are dealing with, giving you questions to ask yourself and resources to utilize.   In segment three, what happens to you after going through a lot of emotional pain from the death of loved ones? One listener says it's like damage to your soul that can never be repaired. Is it repairable? How can you deal with a lot of death in your life? When does the grieving end? There are always ups and downs to grieving but hopefully after listening to this episode there will be more ups.   The soul, or spirit, or psyche, however you want to see it, can feel like it's missing something. It's time to rebuild what's missing. It's not replacing it, it's nurturing that part of you that needs it most.   Today's episode is sponsored by Casper Mattresses. Visit and use the promo code brain for $50 off a mattress today.
Jul 23, 2017
So What You're Afraid - Avoiding Unavoidable People - To Start Anew or Wait for the Old
Honoring your boundaries can be the hardest step to take in your personal development, and it's also one of the fastest ways to start creating a life without toxicity and dysfunction. But what if you're too scared to do it? Getting to a place where fear goes away isn't easy - it can take a lot of inner growth leading to the confidence and courage to do whatever it takes to let others know what is acceptable and what is not. In this first segment, I talk about boundaries and how there may be a quick, yet completely unorthodox method of getting past the fear. In segment two, what do you do if you're in a relationship with someone who has close ties to someone you don't like? And what if you can't avoid this other person? On top of that, what if this other person is your ex? It's a tricky situation and one that one particular person has with someone they used to date. I read her email on the air and do my best to answer her question on what to do about this. During the close of the show, I read a message from someone who left an emotionally abusive relationship but is wondering if they should get back into it. She thinks that if he heals that things could get better and they could be a couple again. But how long do you wait for someone to heal? Should you wait? Is waiting worse than moving on? It's a great letter and an important subject, especially if you feel like you're in a rut and aren't sure what to do after a breakup. Today's episode is brought to you by the delicious Earth's Brew. Visit and using promo code "brain10" when checking out to get a discount.
Jul 16, 2017
Feeling Unworthy by Comparison - Your Partner's Controlling Parent - Breakdown of Narcissism - Recycling Dysfunction
Comparing yourself to other people is the fastest way to low self-worth and self-esteem. And why do we always compare ourselves to people that are better looking, wealthier, healthier and have more success in areas of life that we are still working on? It seems like a black hole of misery that will never end.   In segment one, I talk about one of my good friends who is self-employed and wondering why she isn't succeeding after a few months of what I see has been a very successful time for her. She is comparing her success to those that have been in the business for a long time and it is making her feel down. This segment is for you if you are feeling inferior or less-than someone you know and you're not sure how to get out of that rut.   In segment two, I address the concerns of a woman who's boyfriend has a controlling mother that doesn't like her. On top of that, her boyfriend will never let anyone get in between his mother and him. There may be some unhealthy attachment going on here. If his girlfriend comes second to his mom, she may always be second best in his life. Should she stay and hope he changes his mind or get out of the situation before his mom takes over their relationship?   In segment three, I talk about my analysis of conversations that a woman recorded with her narcissistic mom. I listened to the conversations carefully and picked apart exactly where healthy behavior stopped and where possible narcissistic behavior started. The source of the recordings themselves can be found here:   Who knows? You may be able to spot some narcissistic behavior in someone you know! Or… maybe even in you.   During the close of the show, I talk about how your response to a dysfunctional or toxic person can actually create more dysfunction. Even if you honor yourself authentically and say what you mean, their behavior can still be incited and amplified just by you being you. It's time to stop feeding the dysfunctional feedback machine and start to do new behavior that doesn't incite their old behavior.   Today's episode is brought to you by Legal insurance when you need it.
Jul 09, 2017
Handling negative feedback - Stop worrying about everything - Enabling is disabling - Guilt and apologies
How do you handle negative feedback? There's a golden opportunity to sink or swim when someone puts you down. Their comments don't have to equal pain and a hit on your self-worth or self-esteem. In fact, maybe it's possible that the one person you remember putting you down is the very impetus you needed to improve something about yourself. It's not fun getting criticized, but it's not always a bad thing either.   In segment two, I talk about worrying and overwhelm about everything. Just how much do you worry? Do you feel like you can never get ahead because all the plates are spinning and you really can't find a way to stop them? You might even be getting more plates added to your act. It can be stressful and even downright terrifying… it's time to get out of the overwhelm.   In segment three, I talk about the important subject of enabling. Enabling is helping a toxic person stay toxic by behaving in a way that removes their accountability. If they never feel accountable, they continue to stay toxic to themselves and you. Enabling is helping them be helpless and it's time to learn just how bad enabling is for you and your family.   During the closing, I bring up the very important subject of just how long is too long to hold on to guilt. You may feel guilty for something that you did long ago but you don't have to hold on to it. In fact, maybe this episode is the release you need from so many months or years of guilt so that you can move on and start living your life again.   Today's sponsor is . Connect with quality attorneys at your beck and call at a crazy affordable rate.
Jul 04, 2017
Does Authenticity Make You Cringe - Getting Past Your Partner's Past - Building Rapport with People
When someone expresses themselves to you, do you cringe at the thought of you doing the same? Does the idea of sharing what they're sharing make you feel uncomfortable? Does it stop you from living life the way you want with authenticity and confidence?   If you feel uncomfortable or shy when someone shares something vulnerable with you, that may be a sign that something could use some healing in you, if you want to explore it. It's a great way to tell just what you need to work on in yourself. Full expression can make you feel lighter and stronger at the same time, but it isn't always easy to show up that authentically. In the second segment, I read a letter from someone I call Larry. He said he can't get his girlfriend's two-night stand out of his head. It's a relationship that began and end way before they met but he still has an issue with it. There are some factors involved in thinking about your ex's past and getting jealous or angry or feeling other negative emotions. Those factors are images and thoughts that repeat themselves by staring into the rear view mirror.   Where should your focus be? How can you even focus on the present moment when you can't get yourself out of a past that isn't even your own?   Finally, during the closing segment, I teach some techniques on building rapport and share how building rapport isn't just something to learn and try out with others, it's also something you can watch people do to you. After all, it's better to be prepared so you can tell when someone is using the very same techniques on you (it doesn't mean they know they're doing it, but it's good to know how it can be done!)   Today's episode is brought to you by . Real attorneys answering your questions for a very low monthly rate.
Jun 25, 2017
Rekindling with toxic family - The long-term results of honoring yourself - Even the victim plays a role - Contact or no contact your ex
How do you go about rekindling with toxic and / or dysfunctional family members? Is it worth "going home" and starting up those old, dysfunctional, family get-togethers again? Is it possible to avoid the toxicity of family past? There is a way to return to a toxic environment but it's going to take some courage to be the person you want to be with the people that have always treated you the way you don't want to be treated. I talk about that in segment one.   In segment two, I read a message from someone who shares what it's like honoring yourself. Joshua shares that he's been taking steps to stand up for himself and express his truths to people that he never has before. He is showing up as that authentic person he's always wanted to be and things are happening for him in a way that never have before.   I also share what happens when you choose not to express yourself and instead repress what's going on in you instead. I'll give you a hint… it's depression.   In segment three I talk about what your responsibility in the relationship is. Even when you're the victim of any type of abuse, as awful as that is, you are still a component in the equation of that environment and therefore have some level of responsibility. It may seem like you have no choice but often the choices you do have you simply won't consider because you fear the consequences of making that choice.   The victim in an abusive or painful relationship still plays a role so when he or she takes responsibility, there's a better chance of both of you healing. It's not a "It's all your fault" system, it becomes a "I'll take responsibility and you'll take responsibility, then we can work on this together."   That's a nice fantasy and sometimes that happens, but when it goes, it can actually help a relationship. Of course, if there's abuse, it may be time to just get out while there's a chance.   During the closing of the show, I read a message from someone asking me if it's too soon to contact his ex. It's been a couple weeks and he just wants to call and apologize and tell her he misses their friendship. There is a way to gauge whether it's too soon or not, and it has to do with your level of attachment to the reuniting. The strong that attachment it, the likelihood that it's too soon to contact. I go over it in lots of detail in the show.   Today's episode is brought to you by the gift of someone's life: StoryWorth! Visit and use the code "brain" to get $20 off
Jun 18, 2017
All those years wasted with your ex - When hope works against you - Under the stream of negative emotions
How can you possibly forget an ex that "wasted" years of your life? How can you possibly forgive them either?   In this first segment, I read a letter from someone who married a big problem, and now she is upset at him for "stealing" so many years of her life. She wants to forgive and move on but can't seem to do it. I offer a suggestion that she may not have considered on forgiveness.   In segment two, what can you do if you want your ex back but they keep you at arm's length. They want to be with you, but they don't want to BE with you. It's a place of no closure and it can be full of anxiety and lots and lots of waiting with no possible end. Don't waste your life waiting - listen to this segment!   During the close of the show, the subject of inner peace comes up. What's it like? Is it in you? Many people think it isn't. There's a stream of negative thoughts and emotions that can flow through you and it can seem like there's no peace, joy or happiness whatsoever. You can feel like life is not going to get any better so why bother?   There is a path to peace but it involves some work. The work never ends, but the peace and comfort can appear sooner than later.   Visit for $20 off the gift of their life!
Jun 11, 2017
Identifying Your Sense of Self - Overcoming the Guilt of Leaving the Emotional Abuser - Diminishing Emotional Triggers
Your sense of self and identity can dissolve or even be rewritten over years of trau Your sense of self and identity can dissolve or even be rewritten over years of trauma, abuse, and / or dysfunction. Dis-integration can happen after a lifetime of challenges that you haven't healed from, causing you to feel scattered and feel like you have no purpose.   When you don't have a strong emotional foundation, the hard times are harder and you feel beat up and burnt out almost all the time. It's important to establish who you are. You do this by honoring yourself, honoring your boundaries and showing up as authentically you.   But how do you do that? That's what segment one is about. It's time to create, or recreate who you are.   In segment two, I read a letter from "Mary" who is feeling guilt for leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She knows leaving is the right step, but she wants to know how she can overcome the guilt that comes with it. An emotional abuser exploits your kindness, compassion and generosity. They know how to use who you are against you.   What personal boundaries are being taken away from you when someone is trying to guilt you? What values do they know about you that they are exploiting? There's a reason you feel guilty: It's because they know how to make you feel bad for not being you. It's a complex path that they have mastered, so it's time to reveal that path so that you know just how to stop it from happening. Guilt comes from kindness and compassion - this segment will tell you how to utilize your own compassion to eradicate the guilt of leaving the abusive relationship. There's a huge opportunity for both partners to heal.   During the closing segment, I'll share with you a neat brain trick that will take a memory that upsets you and transform it into laughter. Do you have an emotional trigger you've been wanting to diminish or dissolve? Take the ride with me… should be fun!   Today's episode was brought to you by . Quality attorneys at established law firms for about $20 a month.
Jun 04, 2017
When You Haven't Achieved Life Goals Yet - Walking the Line Between Partner and Consoler - Waiting for Your Ex to Return to the Relationship
What happens when you reach that age where you thought you would have accomplished certain things in life but are nowhere close to what you set out to do 10, 20, 30 or more years ago? Do you get depressed? Do you have a mid-life crisis? Or… maybe you see that there's a bigger plan in the works for your life.   If that's too spiritual a view for you, perhaps it's time to comes to terms with your fears and accept realities you don't want to accept. It sounds dismal and defeating thinking this way, but what if it's the path to the life you've always wanted? What if acceptance of what is awful is what gets you out of the rut? Lots to talk about in this first segment.   In segment two, I read a letter from someone who wants to know how to walk the fine line between spouse and consoler. If you find yourself being a caretaker and therapist, along with loving partner, you may not know where to draw the line and at what point taking care of others is actually take care away from you.   There's a fine line and I attempt to address just how to create balance in a relationship like this, especially if one partner has had trauma or abuse in their past.   During the close of the show, I talk about how when you've gone through a breakup and you are still grasping at straws and hoping your partner will return, there's an acceptance that needs to happen within you so that if they do come back, you aren't bringing the old you back into the relationship. Acceptance of what is heals and helps you get ready for your next relationship, whether it is with your ex or not.   Today's episode was brought to you by . Quality attorneys at established law firms for about $20 a month.
May 28, 2017
Starting Sex Before the Bedroom - Achieving Closure After the Breakup - Attracting Authentic People
When does sex really start? When you're taking off your clothes? The heated kissing or "petting" or… is there a lot more to it? If you are emotionally connected, you already know when sex starts - way before you ever step into the bedroom.   If you are somewhat detached from your emotions however, sex is probably, mainly a physical thing for you. Regardless of where you are on the spectrum of sexual intelligence, this segment is all about how to build it right so that it is as enjoyable as it can be. The buildup, the trust, the vulnerability, the attentiveness, the receptiveness, and a whole lot more can make or break sex.   If you want a healthy sex life, make everything else but sex as healthy and happy as possible. Where's your focus during sex? Segment one is dedicated to sex (it's clean, but still an adult subject matter, be advised!).   In segment two, a woman writes to me and asks how to achieve closure and feel better after her boyfriend dumped her. He promised he would treat her right and stay with her but he didn't. What do you do when someone doesn't keep their commitment? Does a commitment last forever? And when it doesn't, how do you get to closure so you can move on with your life? Love doesn't override everything   During the close of the show, I talk about an old episode where I invited Jordan Harbinger of on, and how my error and unintentional disrespect toward him created a friendship that lasts to this day. It's all about authenticity and how you show up in the world, even when you make a big fool of yourself at a critical moment in time and life.   Today's episode is brought to you by . Real attorneys ready to help you for only about $20 a month.
May 21, 2017
Fear-Based Decision Making - Wanting more than friendship - Giving it all away for free
Do you make decisions based on what's in alignment with the highest intention for yourself, or do you make them based on fear. One path almost always leads to turmoil, and the other leads to getting what you want out of life almost every time.   In segment two, what do you do when you start to have feelings for a good friend? And what if they don't have feelings back? Can you keep this kind of friendship or are you doomed for disappointment? I read a letter from someone going through this right now. It can be a huge challenge to have an authentic friendship when there's an underlying desire.   During the closing of the show, I share a little behind the scenes of how I succeed at The Overwhelmed Brain and still give away everything I know for free.   Today's episode is brought to you by . Access to quality attorneys anytime you need them for a monthly fee, not an hourly one!
May 14, 2017
Holding on to regrets and resentments - What is healthy communication? - When it can't get any worse
What resentments or regrets are you holding on to? Sometimes years can go by while you keep a firm grasp of what causes you stress simply because you can't let go of the idea that you could have made different choices in life. Or, could you have made different choices or taken a different direction in your life? If so, why not?   In segment two, I talk about a healthy way to communicate with others - one that fosters positive relationships and productive communication. There's a big picture to keep in mind if you want to get along with almost everyone and it has to do with letting something important go: Your attachment to being right!   In segment three, I read a message from someone who is as low as it seems one can go. Depression, anxiety, stress, and years of family dysfunction. And the only thing she has to hold on to is a relationship that is perfect but she believes is doomed to fail if she can't figure herself out and get well. She's so focused on what she has to lose that she might actually create what she fears.   She is in the breakdown stage when nothing seems to be going right. The good news? There's nothing below breakdown so maybe it's time for a breakthrough. I talk about the steps that can get you to a better place once you are in the bottom of the barrel and you feel like it can't possibly get any worse.   Today's episode is brought to you by Casper. Get $50 off an amazing mattress at . Make sure to use the promo code "brain" when checking out to get the discount. nt.
May 07, 2017
When it's time to call it quits in a relationship - Weaning family off you - Finding Purpose
Is it time to call it quits in your relationship? When do you know? Are there signs that you can look at and say, "Hey, that's happening to us! Maybe we should split up." Yes but it doesn't mean you have to split up. In fact, listen together if you think you may be experiencing relationship hiccups so that you can discuss what can be done instead of just giving in and giving up. In segment two I read a letter from a woman who just wants a normal sibling relationship with her brother, not a mother / son relationship which it's been up to this point. She feels a little taken advantage of and it's affecting her love and support for him. Soon she's going to be so burnt out that she may end up getting out of their relationship altogether. There is a way to wean family off of their dependencies on you. During the close of the show I talk about how you can define meaning and purpose in your life. Just what is the point of being here when you feel like there is no point being here? That's an important question to get the answer to if you're asking that of yourself. Meaning and purpose can be defined as soon as structure is created in your life. It's not as easy as it sounds and might require taking steps that were previously uncomfortable. Today's episode of The Overwhelmed Brain is brought to you by StoryWorth. Give a gift that lasts a lifetime! Visit for $20 off your subscription. Website:
Apr 30, 2017
Don't Want You in My Mind - Spouse's Parents Don't Like Me - Most Important Relationship Lessons - Standing in Other's Shoes
That person just keeps popping into your head - someone you don't like. They are a mind-nuisance and they just won't go away. It's bad enough you see them or hear about them, but why do you have to constantly think about them?   In segment one of today's show I read a letter from a woman who can't get her husband's ex-wife out of her mind. How do you get rid of a pervasive thought? How can you finally rid yourself of that one thing you just can't seem to eradicate from your mind's eye? I have a few suggestions.   In segment two, I read another email from someone I call, "Mary". She feels condemned by her husband's mom. His mom puts her down and emotionally abuses her. No matter what Mary does, his mom won't stop.   There's a solution to this and it probably involves some hard decisions and firm stands. His mom is probably not going to change so it's up to someone else to make the change happen. After all, your marriage is your foundation and if someone is attempting to shake or destroy that foundation, it may be time to take a stand.   In segment three, I talk about the most important lessons I've learned from all my previous relationships and what kind of relationship I had with myself in recognizing, or not, my own dysfunction. There are some powerful relationship lessons in this segment. I hope you can learn from my mistakes!   Have you ever looked at someone else's life and wondered what's so hard about what they do? Then you get the opportunity to stand in their shoes for a while and suddenly realize you've been misjudging them and their situation all along?   My girlfriend had foot surgery recently and I've suddenly realized what it's like to be a full-time caretaker. It's not easy, it's educational, and I'm a lot more appreciative of what many people have to go through on a regular basis. If you know a caretaker of any kind, this segment may help you relate.   Today's episode is brought to you by . Quality legal insurance to protect you and help you fight back 
Apr 23, 2017
What are Guilt and Shame - Fearing Rejection and Abandonment - Solving All Your Problems
Guilt and shame are two battles in two different dimensions: Internal and external. Internally, you can feel guilt for something you've said or done. Externally, you can feel the shame by witnessing others judging and blaming you for what you've done. A listener asks me what the difference between the two are and I do my best to provide an answer that focuses on what you can do about both and not just one that highlights their relationship. After all, what's the point of talking about guilt and shame unless you know a way out? I also get into the ideas of self-worth and self-esteem and how they can play a role, along with complimentary dysfunctional relationships. This is packed segment that takes you for a visit to your ethical and moral compass. Are you ready to face those deep areas of your psyche? In segment two, someone asks me how to get over fear of rejection and abandonment. If you bring fear into your relationship, it can manifest into what you fear. In other words, insecurity can often manifest into an insecure relationship. However, when you bring 100% faith, love and trust into your relationship, you'll almost always enjoy it more. You could still get hurt, but you can either enjoy it to the fullest or live in fear and never experience the full breadth of what could be something wonderful. This segment also brings up the issue of manipulative people and how they play a role in your insecurities. You could be 100% loving and trusting but a manipulative person can use that against you. There are many signs of manipulation so it's good to be aware of what they are. You can trust and you can also be aware and conscientious. There is a path out of your fears of rejection and abandonment and it involves doing something a little strange. Let's just say you might have to travel back in time to visit a younger version of yourself. That version needs the you of today. I tell you how to do just that in this segment. During the close of the show, I share a powerful method of solving your problems. It involves a pen, paper and maybe even Abraham Lincoln. Tune in to find out! Get the free audio book 99 Minute Millionare here!
Apr 16, 2017
Suicidal Thoughts - You're Not Alone - The Big Picture in Relationships - Taking Time to Heal Loneliness
Suicidal thoughts aren't usually discussed out loud. They fester inside and sometimes the people around you have no clue what's going on until it's too late. However, I don't believe suicidal thoughts in themselves are necessarily unhealthy. In fact, they can be good way to let the brain consider all outcomes. But why stop at suicidal thoughts? Why not also think about what would happen if you did other things like give someone a hundred dollar bill? Or told someone how well they dressed? What if you chose to just add some other thoughts you don't normally have? What would happen if you chose to let go of your resistance to any bad thoughts? What you resist persists and amplifies, so it's not a matter of closing off suicidal thoughts. It's a matter of expressing them and talking them out with others. Some thoughts can feel obsessive and always present, so why not add other types of obsessive thoughts into the mix as well? What would happen if you chose to face what you didn't want to face? Sometimes we fear more facing our fears and look for another way out. That way out isn't necessarily a good choice... after all, once you're "out", you have no more choice. And I want you to always have a choice. Suicide is a touchy subject that needs to be talked about, but often isn't. It's not all doom and gloom when someone has suicidal thoughts. They're just thoughts! Everyone has a right to think about anything they want. Sometimes we need to talk things through to understand why we think the way we do, so it's important to express these thoughts before the thoughts turn into action. When you take action on unhealthy thoughts, that's when you start making choices that take your choices away. Sometimes a permanent choice leaves you no choice. If you're thinking about suicide, consider calling the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 because you've got nothing to lose and only a kind, non-judgmental ear to gain. It's anonymous. Visit In segment 2, I play the debut of the song: You're Not Alone by Asha Lightbearer at In segment 3, I read a message from someone who is continually blamed in their relationship and doesn't know what to do. This person turns into a little child around their partner and can't figure out how to be "the adult" so that they can honor their boundaries. I help "Chris" keep the big picture in their relationship while not getting so enbroiled in the details. Getting stuck in the minutia hinders progress and can overwhelm you, making you feel like the child. By showing up for that inner child inside you, you can start to be the adult it needs to make it through and honor his or herself. In closing, I talk about my loneliness and what I experienced after my divorce. Loneliness while you're alone is the best time to look into healing it so you don't bring it into your next relationship. This episode is brought to you by    
Apr 09, 2017
Emotionally Needy People - Tapping into your Foundation - I Didn't Ask For Your Advice - Fighting Desires
What if you're in a relationship where you need an emotional connection from someone else but they don't seem to be in the same space as you. Sometimes the one you love will come home after a long day and you just want to shower them with love, but they don't seem to want to shower you back. Is there something wrong with them? Is there something dysfunctional about you? If you are in a loving, supportive relationship, but can't seem to connect to your partner, maybe this segment will help you sort out what might be going on for you.   Sometimes your partner has reached their giving limit and it may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with how much energy they have left for themselves.   In segment two, I read a message from someone who shares her multiple traumas and how this show has helped her live a better life. But it's not just about this show, it's about you building a solid foundation inside yourself so that you will have a place to land when you fall. And you will fall! So keep that foundation intact. And you don't have to go through the struggles alone. That's why this show and many other resources exist.   In segment three, a woman writes to me and says that she doesn't seem to be learning the lessons fast enough for her boyfriend. She feels overwhelmed and even though he teaches her a lot of ways to work through things, she's starting to build resentment. Hmm… maybe she is getting advice that she's not necessarily asking for? Not sure, but a great message to explore nonetheless.   Sometimes unsolicited advice can do that. It can build resentment because the person getting the advice may not be in the right space for it. It's like when someone recommends a book to you and you go check it out only to find out that it isn't helpful at all. Then 10 years later you see that same book and suddenly it's exactly what you needed. You might need to go through some other life lessons that prepare you to be in a space where a particular piece of advice or direction works for you.   Always go in the direction that works for you. If you have a helper friend that gives great advice, their words may not always work. Not because it isn't good advice, but because you haven't reached a place where that advice really sticks. Self-empowered action is usually the best course of action, but it takes special people to understand that and leave you on the path you're on until you ask them for help. Then you might just learn something that stays with you forever.   During the close of the show, I talk about how to live contently with strong desires. Is it possible? Sometimes it seems completely futile because desires can get so strong. The desire to cheat, the desire to lie, the desire to be with someone romantically, and even desires you don't want anyone to know about. I don't think the goal is to get rid of your desires, I think it's to fulfill them in a healthy way. If you can figure out what's missing in your life first, then write those things down, then you'll be clear on what you need to fulfill in yourself.   There's more to it of course. One step toward fulfilling your needs is to do it from a place of desire without desperation. Once you bring desperation into the mix, you'll likely repel what you want to attract. There's a science behind what you focus on is what you'll see and get more of, but there's also a faith that might need to be adopted that what you desire in your life, when it's not motivated by desperation, could be what desires you too.   Today's episode is brought to you by
Apr 02, 2017
Failing the Challenge - Silent Abuse in Relationships - Depressed and Unmotivated - Appreciating What Works
What do you do when you face a challenge you believe you're prepared for, but you fail instead? The feelings of failure can be debilitating, especially when you've spent a lot of time and energy working on self-improvement. It can feel like you've taken 10 steps backwards. "Learning" comes with the challenge of applying what you've learned, so expect challenges to be just more than you think you're prepared for. When you have the tools, the challenge will come. I believed I knew how to honor my boundaries until I was tested with the right person. Always move forward and learn about yourself and work on yourself so that you will be as prepared as you can be. In segment two, I address the people's pleaser's role in becoming emotionally abused. People pleasers often have a big heart, compassion, generosity and are often kind and caring, which opens them up to abusive people unfortunately. If you're kind and compassionate but made to feel guilty by your partner often, then you're probably in an emotionally abusive relationship. There are many signs of emotional abuse including trusting yourself less and less. If your partner is emotionally detached, or you feel like you're going crazy, this segment is for you. Especially if you can't pinpoint why you feel the way you do. Manipulators are crafty and adept. They don't want to feel pain, guilt or responsible, so they push all of it on to you. If you want to learn if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, check out the Emotional Abuse worksheet at In segment three, I read a letter from a young man who is depressed and has no motivation to do anything. His emotions are out of control and he is in a constant struggle. On top of all of that, he's afraid to get help! He's never talked about my feelings to anyone, ever. All the solutions he's looked for online talk about getting a goal and using his willpower which he found completely useless. The first step to getting past what you can't let go of is to express yourself any way possible, whether it's with a friend or loved one, or even to yourself through writing or visualization (imagining the person you want to express yourself to is standing in front of you). Once you get repressed negative emotions off your chest, it can free you a bit to start the healing process. In the closing, I talk about what you can do to appreciate your body and what it does for you. Sometimes it takes pain to appreciate what works! Today's episode is brought to you by . Quality legal insurance - get your legal questions answered by one of many attorneys that specialize in what you're asking about for about $20 a month! Great deal.
Mar 26, 2017
Committing to a Decision - Chronic Pain and Suffering - Trouble Receiving - Expanding Beyond You
Can you commit to a decision? How do you know if you're making the right decision? Follow your heart is great advice… if you even know what's in your heart. Segment 1 of this episode is all about making the decisions that work in your life without going down too many paths of failure. You have to make decisions to learn how to make good decisions, but sometimes that first decision is the hardest to make. Life is all about choice, so let's talk about what makes a good choice. I'll give you a hint, it has to do with knowing your ideals for any given situation. In segment 2, what do you do when you are always dealt a bad hand in life? Is there a psychological time bomb ticking away that is going to cause you to break down because you just can't get a break? How about chronic pain and suffering? There's a path out of suffering even when the pain is still there. You still seek treatment for the pain, but it's time to heal the emotional wounding that has taken place. In segment 3, I read a message from someone asking how they can receive without feeling like there is pain or shame involved. Growing up having been abused by receiving things with strings attached changed this person's world. I want you to be completely comfortable receiving so that you will feel worthy, loved and significant. You are all those things already, but if you are having trouble receiving, you may not believe you are. During the closing of the show, I talk about what you can do to expand "you" so that you think beyond the confines of your body and mind. Not only will this take you out of all the challenges of being you, but it will increase your compassion and understanding of others so that you can communicate more effectively. Today's episode was brought to you by Casper. Get an awesome mattress at a great price at . If you want $50 off, use the code "brain" during checkout and you'll be a happier person.
Mar 19, 2017
Surviving the Crisis - Self-Perpetuating Abuse - Building Resilience Through Criticism
In crisis, is there anything you can do to bring you into a calmer, more peaceful place? Actually, not usually. In fact, you may have to experience the full impact of the crisis before any calm or comfort can be had. However, you may be able to prepare for crisis so it doesn't completely debilitate you. It involves creating a belief system or philosophy that serves you during this most crucial time so that you aren't so blindsided and devastated. Then, when you lose your job, get dumped, betrayed, or even if someone you love passes on, you have some tools to work with to get you through it. In this first segment, I share 10 beliefs and principles you can adopt to get you through crisis mode. In segment 2, I address a letter from a man who was kicked out of his home at 17 years old for being gay. He grew up, got married, and now his husband is looking at other guy's profiles online threatening the stability home and relationship. The letter writer doesn't want to be alone but he doesn't want his husband looking at other guys either so he's not sure what to do. With a family that has disowned him and a husband that appears to want to seek other relationships, he feels stuck and scared. Is it unhealthy to put all the pressure of your happiness on one other person? If you have no family and no support structure, is it even fair to expect your partner / spouse to pull through as your primary source of peace in the world? I offer my insights and opinions to help him through this situation. I also make a few comments on the decision of a family to kick their child out of the house because he is homosexual. In the final segment, I talk about building resilience through criticism. Taking things personally can slow you down and even stop you in your tracks. If you learn that criticism is an opportunity to grow, regardless if the critic is right or wrong, you'll find life a lot easier to live. Today's episode is brought to you by - high quality attorneys and legal insurance for about $20! Sounds too good to be true, but I use it myself. I love it.
Mar 12, 2017
Settling for a job because you can't find anything better
A career can take up over half your life, so why would you settle for one that makes you miserable? I've settled a lot over the years and I got so burnt out. I didn't realize there was a formula to finding something I'd like and that might even pay well, if not more than I've ever made. Scott Barlow with Happen To Your Career joins me to talk about what it takes to be happy in a career and even make more money doing so. You don't want to miss this one. Visit to get your free Ultimate Strenths Guide so that you can learn just exactly where you excel and what careers you'd be best at.
Mar 07, 2017
Overcoming General Unease - When Nothing Works Out in Life - Questioning Trust in Relationships
Are you walking around with an undertone of fear, anxiety, panic, or nervousness? What do you feel when nothing in general is happening in your life? What's your balance point or "homeostatic state"? When an uncomfortable or sad cloud follows you around all the time, it's hard to enjoy life. Especially because all the decisions you make are based on a foundation of this uncomfortableness. Many of us make decisions based on how the toxic people in our life will respond. If we know they'll respond negatively, we'll make a decision so that behavior isn't triggered. However, this choice may not be the best one for us. We make it to avoid conflict or confrontation, and that is a recipe for an unhappy life. I talk about "taking the bullet" and making the hard decisions during critical moments that will either exacerbate and extend miserableness or stop it in its tracks. It's a matter of shifting what you focus on and protecting yourself, not enabling others. This might not be easy to do, but it's a life changer. In segment 2, I read a letter from someone who shares that nothing has ever worked out for her in life. Everything she does leads to more pain and more toxic people. Nothing is good, and the future is grim. What do you do when all appears lost and you're just basically waiting for death so that you can get out of the chaos? Especially if your past is littered with abuse and neglect? Your past is important and has played a role, but it doesn't mean you can't change how your future turns out. Your behavior today will either allow your problems to continue or cause them to shift so that you actually start creating the life you want instead of the one you don't want. It's never too late. If your life has been terrible up to this point, why not start over? It's never too late. Why wouldn't you want the rest of your time on earth to be pleasant, or at least peaceful? During the close of the show, I ask if you can stay in a relationship where you can't trust. What kind of trusting relationships do you build? Do you have trouble trusting others because you aren't completely honest with those you can trust? What you bring into your relationship is the relationship you end up with. If you bring mistrust, you'll get mistrust and untrusting behavior. Of course, there's always the chance that you are right not to trust, but there's a path to follow when that happens to. I want you to come to a conclusion so that you can come to closure. Don't be stuck! Commit to one path or another. Today's episode is brought to you by . Affordable legal insurance with quality law firms. It's like having your own attorney at 1/16th the cost!
Mar 05, 2017
The Abused Mind and Mixed Signals in Relationships - Still Mourning - Overcoming Your Overwhelmed Brain
Sexual and physical abuse survivors develop an abused mindset which they take into relationships. This mindset sets them up to be strung along and tolerate bad behavior. Often, former abuse victims end up with abusers in intimate relationships. Abusers of all kinds can play serious head games, including giving off a lot of mixed signals. Whenever you're in a relationship with mixed signals, do you focus on the positive or the negative? Which signals should you focus on? Abuse survivors and even many non-survivors can have a high toleration for abusive behavior. It's time to stop getting strung along and start realizing just what to watch out for. In this first segment, I also talk about how children of abuse often believe they were wrong or to blame. That comes from adult thinking and the cord needs to be cut on those kind of thoughts. In segment two, a woman lost her baby before it was born and she's still dealing with that loss. What can you do when you're dealing with the loss of a loved one and you just can't seem to get beyond it? It may sound a little metaphysical, but it still works. I talk about it in this segment. Also, I talk about a couple things you can do to get over your overwhelmed brain. Funny, for a show called The Overwhelmed Brain, I rarely talk about how to overcome being overwhelmed! Well, in this episode, I dive in a little and give you the first steps to take to get grounded. It's time to think externally instead of being so wrapped up in your brain. Today's episode is brought to you by . Quality attorneys at established law firms for about $20 a month. Excellent and finally affordable legal answers and services.
Feb 26, 2017
Breaking Through Obsessive Thoughts - Is Everyone Toxic? - The Real Issue in the Relationship
When obsessive and intrusive thoughts won't go away, what can you do? You might feel better knowing that won't mean a thing in a 100 years, but if resolving them isn't that easy for you, then let me take you through a series of steps that break them apart and repackage them in a way that might just help you deal with yours. In this segment, I'll ask you what's wrong with having obsessive thoughts, why are they a problem, and if there's anything you can do about what you're obsessing over. I'll also talk about your resistance to them and how it causes you to suffer. If you have been suffering over that negative internal dialogue, listen to this episode. In segment 2, a woman asks me what happens when you remove all the toxic people in your life and you end up with no friends or romantic partner? She wants to know if that's all she has to look forward to when she grows and heals herself. Is everyone toxic? The personal growth journey does involve filtering out toxic people, but it also involves focus on yourself. When you start focusing on what you need for you, the right people show up in your life. You recognize toxic people right away and are able to steer clear. But better than that, healthy people show up when you're healthy, so that is the focus on this segment. During the close of this episode, I read another letter from a listener whose wife cheated on him. He decided to forgive and take her back, but now she's giving him the silent treatment and making excuses about why the marriage won't work. Is there more going on here than meets the eye? I give a frank opinion on the subject.  Today's episode is brought to you by - Access to quality attorneys for $20+ per month. Stop paying hundreds per hour just to ask simple questions! This is a great service that I use myself. Check it out!
Feb 19, 2017
Bad Luck and Great Fortune - Stuck with No Way Out - Small Lies and Big Problems - Advice For Life
When is a bad thing a good thing? When is a good thing bad? How attached are you to outcomes? I tell a quick Zen Buddhist parable that might make you think twice about the stressors in the world today, especially with the heated political climate and growing fears of what might happen next. Not everything is as it appears. When you think there's no way out - life opens a door. The door is good fortune and luck. Then when everything is going well, life throws you into a pit. Does it ever end? I get into the ebb and flow of life itself in this segment. In segment two, I answer the question: "What do you do if there's no way out of a situation?" A young man wants to know what he can do living with a toxic family that he can't (or chooses not to) leave. Is it better to stay in a toxic situation because you don't want to abandon those you love? Or is there a better way than "no way out"? You might have to resort to tactics that are against your values just to get into alignment with your best outcome. It's a controversial subject I'm sure you'll find interesting. In segment three, he knows there's something wrong in the marriage and she won't go to marriage counseling because she thinks it might as well be the end of the marriage. That's quite a jump to a conclusion that seems more made up and grounded in some sort of passive message that something else might be going on. What is your definition of marriage? Does it involve one person wanting to help the relationship and the other sitting around in denial of both their own happiness and their spouse's unhappiness? It might be time to ask the hard questions you don't want to know the answers to just so you'll have some idea of what's going on. Don't not communicate… be honest and clear. You may have to be firm in asking what the real problem is, otherwise it will continue to go downhill until one of you experiences a meltdown! At the end of this episode, I read a message from a very astute listener of TOB. She shares her four steps to a better life - even in the midst of dealing with her husband's infidelity. Cheating and betrayal didn't stop her from healing herself. She's on a good ride that has a lot of ups and downs, but will be smarter and healthier in the end. It's an inspiring letter and a great way to end the show. Enjoy! Today's episode is brought to you by - Access to quality attorneys for $20+ per month. Stop paying hundreds per hour just to ask simple questions! This is a great service that I use myself. Check it out!
Feb 12, 2017
Judging Others - Moving from Guilt to Great - Guilt is a Path to Compassion
Judging others is a sign of something you're struggling with or haven't healed from internally. It is anger, sadness, or some other bad feeling that you haven't yet processed that is coming out and being directed at other people. You can say, "What they're doing is wrong!" but how is it wrong to you? Is it a belief or value you hold to be true, or is it something deeper like some other emotional wound that you haven't yet released? Also, how do you deal with judgmental people? If your significant other or a friend or family member is putting someone else down, what do you say or do? It's a great topic to talk about and I share a way you can work with it and maybe even reach a more peaceful place inside yourself. In segment 2, I talk about how to release your hold on guilt. I read a letter from a woman who feels terrible about how she treated her ex-husband. In fact, she feels so bad that her current marriage is suffering. I offer a perspective and a way out of guilt that may just allow you to let go of what you've been regretting for far too long now. Guilt can lead to a place of compassion and it's this one possibility that can lead you out of a dark place and into the light. It's time to release the guilt. It doesn't mean you suddenly feel good, but it's a great start. Today's episode is brought to you by , legal insurance that you can use anytime you have a question or need advice.
Feb 05, 2017
When love isn't enough - Will marriage fix dysfunction? - Untying selfishness from personal boundaries - Tolerating abuse
Is love enough? Will it overcome anything that happens in your life? Financial struggles, family problems, arguments, abuse and more... will your faith in love be enough to get you through the tough times? I read a letter from a young man who wonders if love is enough to get through anything. To add a bit of challenge on top of that, what if that love is only one-sided? In the second segment, I read a letter from a woman who's partner has cheated on her multiple times.Her partner knows he has a problem but "can't help it." He believes that marriage will resolve the problem and cure him of this addiction. How long will you accept bad behavior, increasing your toleration for abuse? If there are problems in the relationship today, they will only get worse when you get married. You must create a solid, healthy, loving and supportive foundation before you get married. Marriage amplifies problems - it does not solve them. In segment 3, someone has a battle in their mind about the difference between honoring personal boundaries and being selfish. They are almost crippled in their behavior because they are afraid to honor themselves for fear that it might be selfish. I clear this up right away in today's episode. One thing I go over is that it's so important to define who you are in the world so that the world doesn't define you for you. When they do, you can't be yourself easily, and you will tend to let others violate your boundaries. During the closing of the show, I talk to those who are loving, kind, compassionate and generous. Often, people like this will let bad and abusive people in their life simply because they have a big heart. Not only that, they'll keep them in their life too. I highlight the wonderful aspects of this type of personality and also the dangers. Do you want a meal kit delivery service to make dinner easier? Visit and make sure to use promo code "brain" when checking out so you can get $35 off your first week!
Jan 29, 2017
Racism does not make good rapport - Can Separation save your relationship_ - The standards of a good relationship
Racial sensitivity is prevalent in the first segment of the show as I read a letter from a woman who was slightly offended at my use of stereotypical language in the last episode. Lots to discuss here. I go over that and more on ways to communicate with people that help develop and keep rapport.   In segment two, I talk about how separating in your relationship can be highly beneficial and can lead to strengthening the bond between the two of you, but it can also lead to a hard truth that maybe the relationship wasn't destined to be in the first place. Do you take the 50/50 chance knowing that love will blossom better than ever, or come to terms that maybe it never had a chance to begin with. Either way leads to happiness, but you may or may not be together in the end.   In an extra segment, I read a message from someone who wants to know about birth order and how it plays a role in your life. I tackle it from the perspective of who your primary role models were.   Finally, what are the standards of a good relationship? Also, can sociopathic people can make good friends? They often seem to make terrible lovers, at least if you want an honest, monogamous relationship. All this in more in this packed episode. Enjoy!   Get your free audiobook and 30 day trial membership today by visiting
Jan 22, 2017
Why do we dream - The baggage of new love - You either give or take
What's in a dream? Are there literal interpretations or is there deeper meaning that isn't often explored? As always on this show, I go where others rarely do and look at dreams as a representation of emotions. What emotions are present in your dream? Are they revealing ones that might not yet be resolved? Dreams can be a great way to not only discover what they are, but even resolve them if you're persistent enough. This segment is a journey into dreams, including lucid dreaming. In segment 2, I read a letter from someone who is thinking about dating a guy with four different children from four different partners and has a history of bad behavior that landed him in jail, but she wants to know 'if he's turned his life around, should she pursue a relationship with him?' Some say "run", others say, "well, if he's turned his life around, then maybe...". I give my thoughts on the subject which involves taking the blinders of possible love off and considering both the emotional and physical baggage he might still be carrying. One's history does not necessarily reveal who they are today, but it can be a good indicator sometimes. In the closing segment, I talk about what you're contributing or taking away to and from people, the world and even yourself. It's a philosophy that you may or may not agree with, but I use it to determine my path in life and it may work for you too. Today's episode is brought to you by Audible. Get your free book and 30 day trial by visiting
Jan 15, 2017
The Formula for Friendship - Tuning Into the Yellow Flags of Betrayal - Trusting Relationships
Friendships are created and can last a lifetime, but they can also disintegrate, never to be rekindled. What makes a friendship? How do you know if your friends are truly the ones that will be there with you and for you through all the good and bad times? In segment 2, I talk about the warning signs and paying attention to patterns of your suspicions about your partner's behavior, especially if they've betrayed you or lied to you in the past. During the conclusion of the show, I talk a little about trust and how the innocent and naive of us can get scammed or "duped" over and over again in relationships. Today's episode is brought to you by Casper mattresses. Get $50 off a Casper mattress by visiting and use the code word "brain"
Jan 08, 2017
Forget New Years Resolutions, Let's Talk About Commitment and Compatibility
Tune in to every other New Year's podcast if you want to hear about resolutions. I'd rather talk about something you can think about the entire year when it comes to improving your life. Today's episode is all about compatibility and how you can look at any problem in life and narrow it down to a compatibility issue. Sometimes taking out the emotional part of the equation can be helpful if you want to follow the life you want to create for yourself. I realize emotions are what drive us and motivate us and make us whole, but what if your emotions are also what keep you exactly where you are? Are you fighting against the current to try and make things better? Are you stuck? Is your partner compatible with you? Does he or she complimentary or quite the opposite? What about your job? What about that car you drive around, is that compatible? Today's episode is all about the philosophy for living life this whole next year. Follow it and maybe you'll find yourself taking steps that support you instead of ones that hold you back. Today's episode is brought to you by - Real attorneys ready to help you for only $20 a month!
Jan 01, 2017
A Journey into Jealousy - The Dysfunctional Family Holiday Season - Their Emotions are not Your Responsibility
Jealousy is a multi-faceted beast that can motivate you to say or do things that you may not normally say or do. It involves many emotions and can run (and ruin) your life if you don't address the real reasons you get jealous. Sometimes a fantasy is created in your head and you become jealous based on what may not even exist. Other times, there is hard data to prove that what you're jealous about is real and should be investigated further (or acted upon). Is there a good reason to get jealous? Is there a way to heal from this feeling? I drill into jealousy quite a bit in this episode. In segment two, I read a letter from someone who asks why the holidays bring out the worst in people. So many families get together and so many of those gettogethers can be quite dysfunctional. Is there that one person in your family that just seems to ruin the moment? It can be hard to honor yourself in front of people who've known a version of you all their life, especially when you've done a lot of inner work. Can you be in integrity with yourself even in front of your toughest crowd: Family? During the conclusion of the show, I talk about a letter that I received from someone who takes responsibility for his father's debt because he believes that if he hadn't been born, his father wouldn't be in debt. So he now holds the guild of being a burden to his father. That sounds like something we need to heal right away! Today's episode of TOB is brought to you by Real attorneys at established law firms for around $20 a month. You can't beat that!
Dec 25, 2016
The Emotional Healing Journey - To Express or Not To Express - Focus on Yourself
The emotional healing journey consists of many ups and downs. A listener asks me how I managed to get through my journey and what I can share with others on what to expect. Whether you're starting your healing journey from scratch or still on a hot path of learning, healing and growing, there's always more to learn. I talk about what it takes to honor your boundaries in a healthy way (instead of waiting until you blow up), and recognizing patterns in yourself that may point back to emotional wounds from the past. What are your results over and over again? Are you succeeding in life or failing miserably? I think it's important to look at where you were, where you're going and what you keep ending up with to determine your level of emotional health. When you start succeeding, however you define it, it is most likely because you've processed and released some old negativity that's been around a long time. I also talk about depression and how it is devoid of emotions. When I was depressed, it was like having no feelings at all. Though, I did feel something because I didn't like how I felt! It was like I was a sponge of negative emotions but I couldn't squeeze them out. Healing can begin the day you start observing your own behavior asking yourself why you do the things you do. It soon feels like you are two different people: The one experiencing the emotion and the other observing your behavior. This is when true healing can begin. Awareness is a major step forward because you are no long on autopilot. You will still have challenges, but you'll also have your observation of how you handle those challenges. And it's not always comfortable. In segment two, I talk about the need to express something to someone but being afraid it will ruin the relationship or ruin their life somehow. Sometimes you walk around holding on to unfinished business and feel like it's important to share how someone else made you feel by something they did a long time ago (or even yesterday). Forgiving and moving on is a step you can take, or perhaps healing within you (self-forgiveness) which doesn't even involve the other person. Either way, you can carry it with you or you choose to process and hopefully release whatever it is. If you are carrying the burden of upset from something someone did to you, it's time to address it in some way. You may have to express to them what you're feeling. Or, maybe it's better to keep to yourself. I kept a family secret for many years and chose to bear the burden of it instead of spill the beans and tell the people I really wanted to tell. I was sworn to secrecy so I had to come to a place of acceptance of that burden in myself. It wasn't easy, but it is possible - and sometimes the best choice considering what might happen if you chose to share what you were told not to. During the conclusion of the show, I read a paragraph from The Overwhelmed Brain book and talk about focusing on yourself for healing and not others, unless they want you too. When I was married, I used to focus on what my wife needed to do to change so that I would be happier. Turns out after seven years of focusing on her, I did little healing in myself. Not only that, I used to be terribly judgmental. She didn't ask for me to "fix" her, but I tried. And the marriage ended. Focusing on others without their consent or desire, even if your intentions are good, can sometimes be what causes them to want to be away from you. Good intentions aren't always motivated by noble thoughts. Sometimes good intentions derive from selfish needs. Healing begins within you, even when it appears that others need to change. Trying to help someone change who didn't ask for it is not honoring their happiness or supporting their path. Keep your focus on yourself and as you grow through your challenges and you might just be able to grow with those you love instead of away from them. Today's episode of TOB is brought to you by . Real attorneys at established law firms for only $20 a month.
Dec 18, 2016
The partner who'd rather be anywhere but home - Honoring myself everywhere but home - The present moment
What do you do when your partner wants to spend more time away from home than with you? Is that a sign that there's something wrong in the relationship? Is there a more serious issue, perhaps they don't feel safe with you? In the first segment, I read a letter from a man who missed his fiance'. She would go out drinking with friends and family and he would be home alone trying not to be offended or hurt. As she spent less time at home, he got more concerned but also gave her the space she asked for. Soon, the wedding was called off and she was moving out. What went wrong? What could he have done differently? Healing needs to take place for sure, but is he focusing on the wrong person during his healing process? In segment 2, Mary honors her boundaries around her boss and friends, but is a people pleaser who to her husband. She's afraid to say no to him but doesn't know why. I ask a lot of questions in this segment, so if you're in a similar situation, you may get the guidance you need. During the closing, I talk about the present moment and some things you can do to be present and even bring meditation into the external world. Today's episode is brought to you by . Get $20 off by following this link!
Dec 11, 2016
The Toxic Episode - The toxic relationship - Validating toxic friends - Enabling Toxic Behavior
Toxic relationships - friends, family, coworkers, and more. What can you do if you can't get away from them? Do you even know how to get away from them? How can you continue the relationship when you have no choice but to be with a toxic person? This episode gets into toxic people, including what one reviewer said about my show: Stay Away! I read that review on the air, and also read a couple letters from people that deal with toxic people in their life. Today's episode is brought to you by Casper. Get $50 off a mattress when you use the promo code "brain" during checkout at
Dec 04, 2016
The Spiritual Lessons Connecting the Past to Present - Letting Family Hit Rock Bottom - Alone on the Holidays
There's a spiritual or philosophical correlation between an event that happened to you in your past and what is happening to you today. You may not recognize the significance of your behavior today, but when you are able to make the connection between present behavior and prior emotional events, it's like plugging a lamp into a socket and watching the light fill the room. The circuit between the past and the present is completed and negative emotions can diminish or disappear. It sounds a bit "out there" but there is a process to go through if you want to try it out yourself. In segment two, I read a letter from a woman who doesn't know when to let go of family members that seem to be struggling but really aren't doing anything to get out of their struggles. At what point do you let them hit rock bottom? Is it okay to stop trying to help and just let them be until they are ready to make changes on their own? My answer may be a little controversial but it will help you move forward and become a better, healthier you. In the final segment at the end of the show, I talk about what you might be able to do if you're not looking forward to being alone on the holidays. You may or may not want to be alone, but what can you do to feel connection? If you're not a fan of alone time, maybe this will help. Today's episode is brought to you by . Contact Asha to learn how you may be able to get out of the legal mess you're in.
Nov 27, 2016
Getting better at receiving - Recovering from abusive love - Living with the affair
Giving can feel so good, but receiving can too so why do so many people have trouble receiving? Do you reject gifts or other offers? If so, why would you take the honor to give away from the giver? If you've not thought about it like that before, this segment is for you. In segment two, I read a letter from a woman who feels like she's wasted three years of her life with her emotionally abusive boyfriend. She is no longer in that abusive relationship, but still feels the pain of the loss and the regret of the decisions she made. I highlight just what there is to be grateful for in this situation and talk about the process of self love and compassion. In segment three, a woman holds a secret from her boyfriend. She kissed another man and doesn't want to tell him because he is "blissfully unaware" a woman kissed someone outside of her relationship and now holds on to the fact that she cheated on him because she doesn't want to make him feel bad. Who she'll be in the relationship will be who she is until she gets over it or expresses it. If you decide to not tell, can you live with the guilt. And do you want him to live with a continuous liar. Whatever your values tell you to do is what you should end up doing otherwise you won't be happy. Thanks to Away for sponsoring today's episode. Go to and use the promo code "brain" for a cool smart case today!
Nov 20, 2016
Selfish or self-sustaining? - The mom who wasn't there for me - Obsession about my partner's history
What is acceptable to you and what is not? What is considered self-sustaining and what is selfish? I read an email from someone who's in constant battle in his mind, unsure if he's honoring his personal boundaries or just being completely self serving. He also gets into a debate in his mind and over analyzes to the point of indecision. There's a way to decide, and it involves the question: What what you do if you were completely fearless or not afraid of the consequences? That will usually give you the right answer that honors your boundaries. In segment two, I read a message from a woman who's mom never stepped in to help her kids when they were being abused. She's forgiven her abuser, but not her mom. In fact, she feel abused by her mom even today because of the narcissistic tendencies she has. She's not sure how to honor herself with her mom. Her emotional pendulum is stuck on one side and she hasn't let it swing to the other side to find out what would happen if she truly honored herself with her mom. When dealing with difficult parents, it's best to come from a place of "I love you, but this is a problem". It's honoring from love. For segment three, I talk about obsessing over your partner's history, whether it's all the great sex your partner had (and you feel insecure about it) or even the abuse they experienced (and you are overly empathic and depressed about it). Obsessing over your partner's past keeps you in the past and keeps you from improving yourself to be the best person you can be in the relationship. Today's episode sponsored by . Get your free trial kit and use the promo code OVERWHELMED during checkout for your post shave balm.
Nov 13, 2016
Begin Healing From Childhood Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse should not be taboo. Survivors carry the shame, pain, and guilt when the reality is that the perpetrators should be the one carrying those things. The pain of past abuse is real and it doesn't go away without acceptance, letting it come up, processing (in many ways), healing (in many more ways) and finally releasing. This episode is focused on what to do to begin healing and where to go for resources if you want to learn more. Moreover, there's a movement starting called The Fiona Project that today's guest shares that will help you if you are a survivor or know of one (and there's a 99% chance you know of one). Healing begins now and you do not need to be silent any longer. You are not guilty for being a victim, and the shame belongs on the one who committed the ultimate violation. Go to to watch the powerful music video by Asha Lightbearer. The video itself is moving, revealing, and a step into healing.
Nov 06, 2016
The Meaning of Communication - Guilt by Manipulation - Obsessing Over the Ex
What you say isn't always what they hear. What they understand isn't always what you conveyed. Who is responsible for the communication, you? Them? Both? Neither? It's time to explore this topic. On Ask Paul part 1, I read a message from someone who got out of a manipulative, abusive relationship with a malignant narcissist. It was a crazy time for her and she is healing, but she shares a lesson for us all. On Ask Paul part 2, I read a letter from someone still obsessing over his ex. They were together a short time but he's still grieving over the death of their relationship. What can you do when you're in that state? Thank you to for sponsoring today's episode. Go to and use the promo code OVERWHELMED to get your free post shave balm.
Oct 30, 2016
The Pattern of Anxiety - Saving Anger Only For Those Closest to You
With General Anxiety Disorder, is there a chance of getting free of the consistent feelings of anxiety and panic? Is there a remote chance of feeling better or even making it go away completely? Maybe... Also, I get a letter from a girl whose boyfriend gets jealous so she gets angry which causes him to insult her which causes her to react and so on... is there a solution? I talk a little on jealousy and more on anger and the fact that we often direct our anger at the wrong people. Thank you to for sponsoring today's episode. Use promo code "brain234" and you'll get $5.00 off.
Oct 23, 2016
Laughing at Criticism - There Are No Terrible Children - Fixing Your Own Toxic Behavior
Can you laugh at criticism? Do you believe in yourself enough so that when someone calls you anything less than you really are, you can shrug it off without those sometimes hard to avoid feelings? When you get to a place inside where you are proud of yourself no matter what, then you'll find yourself genuinely laughing instead of reacting when someone is being critical of you. Children can seem to do awful things, but they are a result of the programming adults have fed into them since birth. Is it really their fault they are acting in the way they were nurtured and influenced? Finally, is it possible to change manipulative, toxic behavior, and repair the damage to your relationships because of it? Both can be achieved but they require serious introspection. Heal yourself and both situations can improve and evolve. Thank you to for sponsoring today's episode. Use promo code "brain" when you're ready for a free shave kit.
Oct 16, 2016
Measuring Your Worth and Esteem - Jealous and Insecure in the Relationship
Self-esteem stems from the level of self-worth you have about yourself. That's great to know, but how do you raise either or both so that you can walk through life confidently and assert yourself when needed? There's "street knowledge" then there's book knowledge. Stree Knowledge is real world experience and book knowledge is when you know what to do but don't necessarily know how to do it, or have the courage to do it. So what can you do? Listen to this segment and find out. In the Ask Paul segment, I read a letter from a jealous husband who doesn't like when other people look at his wife. He can't figure out how to get past these feelings. Insecurities abound in this segment so it's a great segue from the last one. There's a little bit of ego involved, a leap of faith, and a lot of trust that may need to be built up in order to allow the jealousy to go away. visit for legal services at a low monthly rate.
Oct 09, 2016
The Silent Treatment - The Drawbacks of Non-Confrontational Behavior - Permission to Hate
The silent treatment is like an acid that disintegrates trust and love because of the withdrawal of emotions (emotional withdrawal). I can't trust you with my emotions because when you withdraw, I feel betrayed and abandoned. I also talk about the drawbacks of non-confrontational behavior and how choosing not to confront disintegrates love and bonding. When you choose to be non-confrontational, it's like telling the other person "I don't want to tell you the whole truth". And what about hate? Are you allowed to feel hate? Should you? I think it's important to acknowledge and accept every part of you and every thought instead of resisting your thoughts. Otherwise, you go around holding on to a lot of negativity which you eventually unleash on those you love. 
Oct 02, 2016
Indecision and Stagnation - Realizations of a New, Bad Marriage - Music and Emotions
Permanent decisions are not always permanent, we just think they are. Even marriage nowadays isn't permanent, as much as we want it to be. And even when everything is going great, "stuff" happens and makes things not so great anymore which forces us to change or fall. There's a great quote I read about flat squirrels and indecisions (if you think hard enough, you'll understand that right away) and it makes for a great topic to talk about. In segment 2, I read an email from someone who sees every red flag in a new marriage yet doesn't walk away. Her values and boundaries are being violated and she finds nothing to love about a man she's already married to on paper. Then she asks if there is any hope. Hmm... In segment 3 I talk about how music is a great mood changer but shouldn't necessarily replace deeper reflection and processing of buried emotions Make sure to visit and use promo code brain to get $20 off your order!
Sep 25, 2016
Losing Your Identity in the Relationship - The Brilliant, Worthy You - Exes as Friends - The Right Partner
Nurturing yourself while you're in a relationship decreases the impact breaking up has if and when it happens. The more you keep the connection with yourself and don't lose a part of you in the relationship, the healthier you stay. You lose your identity in a relationship when you don't nurture yourself. When family doesn't honor you and see your worth, sometimes you just have to distance yourself from them so that you reconnect with brilliant, worthy you. Not everyone is capable of seeing what you are so it's important to continue nurturing and supporting yourself as if you were your own child or best friend.  When you partner has a friend who is also an ex, how do you feel about that? Do they talk all the time? Do they have to communicate because of shared custody of children? Do they communicate more than you'd like? It's important to understand where your line is and when your partner is crossing it, otherwise their ex becomes a part of your relationship which can be damaging if you're not all good friends to begin with.  visit and use promo code "brain" to get $50 off an awesome mattress!
Sep 18, 2016
The Bad First Impression - Living with Debilitating Pain - Fear of Doing Whats Right For You
Making a bad first impression is not necessarily your fault. You could be well dressed, have a great hair day, good breath, and even the best personality, but that mole behind your ear makes them think of their mean uncle and suddenly their first impression of you is that you aren't trustworthy and will hurt them. Quite a jump, but this happens quite a bit. I talk about a first impression a listener got with this show and how he criticized over 170 episodes by listening to one 15 minute segment. What do you do when that one person criticizes you? How do you not feel the emotional pain behind such a thing? In the second segment, I answer a message from a woman who is experiencing debilitating pain and is fighting her way to feeling better. She used to be active and on stage, and now she is jobless and lives with her father. Not only is there physical pain, but also suffering through embarrassment of her circumstances. She lies to friends just so they don't know her situation. Finally, I respond to a letter from someone who feels almost ashamed for staying with a toxic person, and she's afraid to leave because "what if I can't find a good man?" I think her focus needs to change. Depending on where you focus, you'll either stay where you are or make the changes you need to get out of the rut you're in. The Overwhelmed Brain is much more enjoyable when you tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and so on and so on, and so on. Today's sponsor: bhzpkynz
Sep 04, 2016
The Yeah But Mentality - Life After Abuse - Rejecting Former Friends
Ever have a friend that said "Yeah But..." to every good suggestion you made? How about when they actually ask for your advice, you give it, but they don't do it because their excuse machine activates? There are two types of people I talk about in the first segment: Yeah But people, and Okay I'll Try It people. Sure, there are millions of other types of people out there, but it's a good start. Also, I receive a letter from a woman who decided to remove toxic family members from her life and get away from abuse. She took massive first steps, but what's next? How can you recover from a life of abuse? How can you get to a place beyond where you can relax and feel good again? Finally, I read another letting about what it might take to reject people in your life. How about those sensitive people that might be hurt by rejection? Is there a way to get away from those who keep showing up when you don't want them to? Sounds like a great thing to talk about. Today's sponsor wants you to get your free will. Go to and sign up today!
Aug 28, 2016
Building emotional deficit - Can't find or keep friends - In Love But Still Cheated
Should you receive for everything you give? You bet, but maybe not in the way you're thinking. You can build an emotional deficit by giving and giving and not receiving in the way you'd like. Resentment can build and you can get very tired of being a people pleaser. Also I receive a letter from someone who feels socially inept. He can't make or keep friends, and he feels awkward on dates. Sometimes being yourself is the best solution, but who are you really being during those awkward silences? Finally I talk about woman who is deeply in love with her husband yet and has a great sex life, yet still cheated anyway. She can't figure out why so I explore why even a good marriage or relationship experiences infidelity. Episode 150 today... let's celebrate! I talk about TOB's progression throughout the years at the beginning of this episode.
Aug 21, 2016
My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late - Guilt About Leaving the Marriage - More Manipulative People
I talk a little more on manipulative people and share with you what might make them that way in the first place. Association and dissociation may play a role in their behavior. If you're not familiar with those terms, you will be after this episode. And, what if you do all this healing and growth but you realize that your partner doesn't want to change? In fact, they are happy just where they are, dysfunction and all. But instead of leaving, you decide to create accountability and tell them if they don't shape up, you're shipping out! Then finally, after two years of hard work, they finally grow into the person you can appreciate and respect. But... are you still in love with them? Is it too late now? I get a letter that addresses that very question. How about guilt for thinking about leaving your abusive spouse? Yes, people can actually develop guilty feelings for thinking about leaving someone that disrespects and even abuses them. That's an important topic to discuss, so let's dive into that too. Today's episode is brought to you by Get $50 off using the promo code "brain" during checkout and get an awesome mattress to boot (free shipping in the US and Canada).
Aug 14, 2016
The Dysfunction of The New Normal - Offending Defensive People
Has dysfunction become the new normal for you? Are you in a relationship where your toleration for bad behavior is so high that you don't even recognize what's bad for you anymore? That sounds like a topic for discussion if you ask me! Also, I read a letter from someone who wants to know how to deal with defensive people. There is a path to working with those types and becoming aggressive or offensive back is not typically the best way to handle their behavior. You may have to become a bit of a sleuth. Find out more in today's episode!
Aug 07, 2016
Strength in vulnerability - What if divorce is a mistake? - Never happy without someone else in my life
Vulnerability is the final step into your strength. Your emotional core contains all of your emotions, your shame, fear, guilt embarrassments, sadness and also your joy, happiness, peace and lot of other good feelings. But in childhood, we learn to close off that core and only let in and out so much because we've been emotionally wounded. Letting those defensive walls come down lets both the bad and the good out, but only the good sticks around when you do it right. Also, I read a letter from a woman who doesn't want anything to change except maybe her marriage, but that means a lot of other things have to change as well. So she's not sure if getting a divorce is the right decision.  Finally, I read a second email from a 24 year old who has chosen a career path that he is unhappy with. On top of that, his girlfriend left him and he is not happy unless someone else is in his life. Lots to talk about today. Thanks for listening!
Jul 31, 2016
The choice to confront - Release the pressure of negativity - can long distance love work
Confronting friends, family, the boss, the spouse, or any other dangerous people ;) can cause anxiety, fear and panic... but why? Why do we fear expressing what we want to anyone in our lives? If you're brought up to shut your mouth and keep your ears open, and any sign of expressing yourself got squashed (or you feared expressing yourself for other reasons), then you probably have a challenge confronting people. Speaking of squashing things, how about the negative energy that forms while doing the confronting? Wouldn't it be nice for that to dissipate? There are ways, and I share my thoughts on that. Finally I read a letter from a woman who left her ex-husband behind because she was learning, growing and evolving, and he was staying where he was. She was energetic, he was not. The rift kept widening, so she left. Now she's happy! However, she's in another relationships where her loved one is 1000 miles away and neither of them can move. Can long distance relationships work? Visit for private episodes and More!
Jul 17, 2016
When people don't like you - Is it time to get a divorce - Some family isn't healthy to keep
Not everyone is going to like what you bring to the table. Sometimes people have high expectations of you and you don't deliver causing them to have a critical view of you. Is this your fault or the fault of the person who set up expectations that you couldn't meet? I read a critical review of The Overwhelmed Brain and talk about that very thing today. They're not always "haters" but they can ruin our day. I also talk about gurus, preachers and god-like teachers and hope I don't fit into any of those categories above. Every time I'm open, honest and vulnerable, it helps me heal which is why I'm so open on the show. If anything is repressed in you, it needs to come out. When you lock the doors to your emotional core, you don't feel the pain but you're also blocking the good stuff too. And how do you know if it's time for a divorce? You need to assess the past to determine the future. Has there been any progress? Have you been any happier? Has your partner made any improvement? Have things gotten better? If the answer is no, the answer will likely be no. No progress up to this point shows no progress in the future. As you go forward in your relationship, if nothing has changed, nothing will change. Nothing will ever get better if nothing has gotten better and nothing will ever change as long as you stay together. Finally, I talk about the decision to stay or leave. When you're in a relationship and you're thinking about splitting up, breaking up, or divorce, take out the fear out of the question and then ask yourself what the decision is. Regret only plays a part if you base your decision on fear. For more TOB, join the Patron Program today
Jul 10, 2016
The secrets that we keep - Feeling overexposed and hollow inside - Lonely when you are not alone
Where do you go when you have a secret that you believe someone else needs to know? Are you loyal to the secret teller? Do you tell the person who should know the secret? It's a question to ponder, where do your loyalties lies and what should you do with a secret you are committed to keeping? Also, I receive a letter from someone who shares and expresses to as many people as she can but still doesn't feel like she's released or vented her emotions, so she ends up feeling empty and still having pain. Unresolved emotions fester inside of us until we address them in some way, but sometimes we don't know that we're still not deep enough inside the emotional well and all we're doing is pulling up empty buckets. Speaking of emptiness, feeling lonely even when around friends and family is a big challenge too. Lots to talk about today.
Jul 10, 2016
Getting control back - The small door out of depression - The unforever soulmate - Emotionally disconnected partners
Are you at a job that feels like you are being dominated or controlled? Is there a way out of this without quitting? There may be. I get a response from a listener who wrote before who took my advice for her about her work situation and everything turned out for the better. Controlling bosses no longer drove her mad. What keeps you at work you don't like anyway? What's motivating you to stay miserable? Also, what is it with depression? Why does depression kick in so hard and why is it so hard to get back out once you're in it? No joy, no pain, no feeling at all - suicidal thoughts can come into play and sometimes you're so apathetic you don't even care about that. There is a small door, or portal, out of depression and I talk about that door. In Ask Paul, I read a letter from someone who can't stop obsessing over her boyfriend's friendship with his ex-girlfriends, and hates it when he talks about other girls in general. And finally I end the show with a few words on emotionally disconnect people. Many of my coaching clients are married to them! For more TOB, join the Patron Program today
Jul 03, 2016
You still have to do the work - Protecting your kids from dysfunction - The chain of thoughts
All this personal growth work is great and all, but you have to actually do the work in order for your life to get better. The main reason is because you need feedback from your environment. You test, observe, test again, take action. You learn through your results. And in order to change your results, your desire has to overcome the results you're getting now. If that happens, your life will change a lot easier. Also, I read a letter from a mom who feels paralyzed by dysfunctional family members and is scared her child is going to pick up or become dysfunctional because of their bad behavior. Family can sometimes be toxic, especially around children. Children know right from wrong, even when they're exposed to toxic stuff, but as long as they have a healthy role model, sometimes the toxicity from others doesn't rub off on them. Be the best role model you can be and your child will do much better because of it. Finally, I talk about the subtle change in your thought can lead to a good outcome or a bad one.
Jun 18, 2016
Taking the opposite advice - I feel unlovable and unwanted
Anxiety, anger, sadness and other emotional advice on the internet seems to be the same where ever you look: Think positively, breathe, count to 10, etc. I'm generalizing of course, but many times, it'll seem like you're reading the same article over and over again, as if the information is just being passed from blog to blog. But, what would happen if you turned the advice around and did the opposite? Funny thing is, that's how I developed some of the tools over here at The Overwhelmed Brain. I just take "normal" advice and do the opposite to see what happens. Hmm... seems to work! Also, I get a letter from a woman who has it all together, found a great relationship, but then the guy left for seemingly no reason. Now she feels hurt, unlovable, unwanted and isn't sure if her pain is from the past before the relationship started or from the breakup itself. This is a LOADED episode and may take two sittings before you get through it.
Jun 12, 2016
Learning your boundaries - Utilizing anger in a healthy way - Accepting the limitations of others
Anger can rise in you because of a violation of your personal boundaries, but do you even know what your boundaries are? Sometimes we feel anger and we aren't even sure why. It's a good time to learn what your boundaries are and at what point you can be pushed before you "lose it". I read an email from someone who got so angry that he forgot what he said while he was in that state. There is a choice you have to utilize anger for your protection or to attack, and what you choose will determine if you're in control and if you'll create a better outcome or not. Where your anger takes you is up to you as long as you stay conscious long enough to utilize it in the best way possible for everyone involved.
Jun 05, 2016
Acting from Integrity - Balancing personal growth with relationship growth - Knowing when you are out of love - Making the right choices
A listener calls me out and tells me, "You couldn't take a couple minutes to answer me personally?" I read her message on the air and respond to it. I always do my best to act from a place of integrity... did I mess up? Also, I received an email from someone in a relationship that may not work out. She wants to know how to balance her own personal growth with the work she's done in her relationship (and not ruin that work). And she also wants to know if she's done everything she can do before leaving the relationship. 'Have I turned the last "Falling out of love" stone before I completely give in to the truth?' When do you really know when you're out of love? There's also another segment on how an Adult Child of an Alcoholic can trust themselves after living a life without it. Self-trust is a process and there is a way to have it again. Overall, this episode is PACKED with personal growth and development lessons. Too much to describe, you'll just have to listen! Sponsor:
May 29, 2016
The Kids Episode - For Kids And The Kid In You
Kids get overwhelmed brains too. After hearing from a few kids that listen to the show, I decided to dedicate an episode talking about the hardships that kids face. From school and getting made fun of to home and some of the dysfunctions that can be present there. Kids have it tough, because the whole world is new and they are developing experience on the fly. Whereas adults already have so much experience under their belt that they may have forgotten the plight of being a kid and what it takes to get through some of life's more challenging situations.  Even as adults, we have a kid in us that wants to cry, play, laugh, get angry, and more, so we need to learn to nurture the kid in us to have a more balanced, happier life.  Whether you're a kid or not, and whether you have kids or not, there is something in this episode for everyone.
May 22, 2016
Healing from New Age Thinking - The fears in honoring yourself - The stolen childhood of Adult Children of Alcoholics
Are you annoyed by affirmations? It's how I start off every show. I take a few minutes to explain why that is. Also I talk about positive thinking and bridging the gap between emotions and reason. Next when you fear honoring yourself, what can you do? It's great advice to tell someone: "Just honor your boundaries then you can start creating the life you want!" Which of course is something I say all the time. But what if you are just too afraid to? Finally I read a letter from an adult child of an alcoholic who felt that his playfulness was stripped away because of the state of fear he lived in growing up in an alcoholic household. Enjoy this longer episode of The Overwhelmed Brain.
May 15, 2016
The relationship you have with yourself - Wanting the anxiety to go away - Enabling abusive people
When we talk to ourselves, we really are communicating with another part of ourselves, a deeper subconscious part that has within it a deeper understanding of what really motivates us in life. Sometimes we don't want to communicate with a part of ourselves that feels the pain, but if we don't, that part feels neglected, lonely, hurt and rejected and more. Also, is there a path out of generalized or health anxiety? Does it ever end? There are times when anxious thoughts can help you achieve your goals, then there is the anxiety that we don't want. Finally, I discuss abusive people that we continue to let return to our lives over and over again. Are they abusing us, or are we just abusing ourselves?
May 08, 2016
The Process of Self-Sabotage - You don't have to forgive everyone - Anxiety all the time
Why do we fall off course so easily? When you prioritize tasks that take your time away from the things you want to accomplish, you fall back farther and farther until you are no longer making progress. In fact, you might even end up going backwards. Sometimes you are not in alignment with a bigger vision for yourself. The reason is because you might actually have a value hidden under the surface that you didn't even know was there. Also, is it necessary to forgive others? Learning that forgiveness is all about what's going on inside of you is the first step to healing. The second step is accepting others for who they are today. Doesn't mean you have to keep them around though! Finally, what do you do when you have generalized anxiety, or what one listener asked about: Health Anxiety. Anxiety is such a prevalent condition for so many sufferers... it's time to get to a better place inside ourselves so that it isn't so intrusive.
May 01, 2016
How your needs drive your behavior and motivation
Are all of your needs met? Do you know why you make the decisions you do? Our needs motivate our behavior. If you respond to life's events from a low level of survival, it'll be more difficult to succeed in a loving relationship or keep steady employment or even gain a level of self-esteem and confidence. Let alone being able to pursue your hobby and passions. When you can start responding to the events in life from a place of fulfilling your purpose, over the lower level needs of surviving and safety, you will find that you will take bigger steps towards your growth. Reaching your potential in life has to start with a shift in your motivation to realize success and fulfillment.
Apr 24, 2016
Depending on Abusive People - When Physical Pain Will Not End - Should You Take Someone Who Desperately Wants You
Being in abusive relationship of any kind, especially where you have a dependency on the abuser for one reason or another leaves you in a tough spot. Can you leave and still be okay, or are you so dependent that leaving will put you in a worse situation? This is a tough position to be in so what do you do? Also, sometimes you reach the limits of practicality and have to explore deeper, alternative forms of emotional or physical pain control. You may even step into things a bit outside your belief system. After all, once you open your mind to being open to anything, opportunities present themselvesFinally, when someone desperately wants you back, is it a good decision to take them back? "You complete me" is sometimes laughed about as a quote from a movie, but some take it seriously and believe they actually do need someone to complete them. Is that healthy? Maybe not so much.
Apr 24, 2016
Codependency: The Subtle Erosion of Love and Connection
Codependence is when two or more people fulfill a need for each other that strengthens a dysfunction between them. You usually see this kind of thing between a helper / people-pleaser and a drug addict or an alcoholic. Of course, even someone who is just needy or desperate for attention can be the second half of a codependent relationship. In either case, there is the dysfunction of one person continuing to support the dysfunctional behavior of another. It's the perfect imbalance of love and energy. One person gets their needs met more and more, while the other builds resentment, but keeps on giving in to the needs of the other. I figured it was about time I talked about it.     
Apr 24, 2016
You Are Not Alone in Your Challenges But May Feel Alone in Your Relationship
Have you ever felt alone in your struggles? It's hard to imagine anyone else dealing with the same thing. Yet, there are many. And I receive a lot of messages from people that reinforce that. How does that help you? There might be something bigger at play here. Also, I talk about a message I received from someone who feels very alone in her relationship. Her partner just doesn't seem to want to include her in any future plans he has for himself, and only himself.
Apr 17, 2016
Resolving Emotions Mindfully - I'm Not Cheating So Whats The Big Deal
I watched a recent Ted Talk with Dr. Judson Brewer who teaches mindfulness to cure addictions. I was surprised to learn that I actually did the process he talks about to cure my addiction to sugar many years ago. I share that story and what you can do to use mindfulness to help you feel better in almost any situation, whether it's a craving or a negative emotion. For the Ask Paul segment, I read a letter from a woman who is with a man who flirts and texts with another woman. She says there's been no affair, but she still feels cheated on and still cannot trust him, so she lives with fear and suspicion. Does she have to live this way or are there options? sponsor:
Apr 03, 2016
Keep Showing Up and Bringing Value - Dealing With The Pain of Lost Love and Starting the Healing
I got nervous when I was invited to speak on a world record breaking authority summit... but I did it anyway. But why was I nervous? I host a show that thousands listen to every week, so why is it different? When there's no Edit button, things get real. But that's a good thing because when you're absolutely real, even when you're nervous, you end submitting to the person you really are. If you're truly authentic, you have nothing to be nervous about because it's easy to be yourself. It's when you choose to act as if you know more than you know when you get into trouble. I talk about just showing up and giving the best version of yourself in this episode. The second half deals with an email from a woman who was promised a grand, long future with her ex... until he left her and had a baby with someone else. Ouch! We need to talk about this. Today's episode is brought to you by
Mar 27, 2016
Kids Humiliating Kids - My Boss is Irrational - Enablers Give Their Dependents a Free Ride - The Meaning of Spirituality
It's an Ask Paul marathon! First, I'll talk about how bullies love when you react negatively and what to do to squash the energy behind their bullying. This is from a letter from a kid who got bullied in school and was humiliated to the point where he didn't want to go back. Adopting a "who cares?" attitude can be very helpful in situations like this!Second, I talk about someone with an irrational boss. What do you do when your boss is completely crazy? The lizard brain kicks in and you can react like a human, or perhaps what really needs to happen is for you to react like another lizard!In this episode, I also talk about spirituality - something I rarely talk about on this show. When the trauma is too much and you can't get beyond it, maybe spirituality is a factor in healing. After all, when even the worst events in life have a positive meaning of some sort, it can sure help get beyond the pain and other negative feelings.  Finally, I discuss enabling and empowerment. This episode is PACKED.  Enjoy.
Mar 20, 2016
You Cannot Control Every Thought - Taking the Leap Into The Improved You - Making Empowered Decisions Around Family
The quest for happiness and staying positive is fraught with sadness and negativity, yet the existence of those things is exactly what it takes to experience the totality of a fulfilling life. You can't always be happy, and you wouldn't even know what happiness is if you didn't have the contrast of sadness. At the same time, if your life is full of hardship and pain, maybe happiness never arrives. Then what? Also, today's Ask Paul, I receive a letter from someone who doesn't believe she knows how to, or even deserves, happiness. Whenever she gets around family, she becomes "small" and is afraid to show them her new and improved self: The one who's had all this personal growth and development. She's afraid to move into that space so she stays the fearful child she always felt around them. Family is the hardest part of personal growth. Learn what it takes to be the real you in front of them in today's show. Get out of the mess by going to  - Real attorneys giving you legal advice for $20 a month. 
Mar 13, 2016
The Abused Mind in Relationships - A Listener Gets Cheated On And Kicked Out - Wanting Others To Do What You Believe is Right
Getting into an abusive relationship is a quick path to a horrible future. Getting into a great relationship however can seem like the best thing that ever happened... unless they cheat, then it feels like an abusive relationship, sometimes. If you decide to stay in a relationship where you know infidelity is happening, are you being abused or are you abusing yourself? There's a mindset that kicks in after the initial shock of finding out about the betrayal, and that mindset sets your toleration level to an all time high, causing you to accept more bad behavior. It's not fun and can beat you down until you are completely broken. I talk about that and other relationships woes today. Today's sponsor:
Mar 06, 2016
Spotting the Red Flags of Incongruent Metaphysical Teachings - Keeping Your Cool at Work - Empowering Others
Metaphysical malpractice was a term I was unfamiliar with until a friend of mine mentioned to me how a few metaphysical teachers were incongruent in their teachings. They say and teach one thing, but behave an entirely different way in their personal lives. I have some comments on that I share in today's episode. In Ask Paul, I answer an email from someone who is having trouble keeping her cool at work. How do you deal with disorganized coworkers or supervisors who always have a fire that you need to put out? And what if you put that fire out months ago and they still believe it's lit, so they come to you blaming you for something that A: isn't really a problem now and B: thinks you're to blame (even though they don't realize it isn't actually a problem)? There are steps you can take for sure. In the final segment I talk about what it takes to empower others without really doing much but giving them the choice to make a choice. 
Feb 28, 2016
Healing And Growing From The Dysfunction of Childhood - The Depression of Sexuality
Childhood is one of those times that many of us wanted to enjoy, but simply couldn't. Some of us had to suffer because of a dysfunctional upbringing, which caused us to create false beliefs about the world when we turned into adults. These beliefs ruined jobs and relationships, and caused us to question our lives by saying, "Is this all there is? Is this all I have to look forward to for the rest of my life?"Unfortunately, we don't always have the right tools or resources we need to be "functional" after we leave a dysfunctional situation. Mainly because we create beliefs about the world that we think are absolutely true. We bring these "truths" with us as we go through life, then we can't figure out why we keep feeling miserable all the time. This isn't everyone's story, but at one time, it was mine. I share it in this special episode where Alen Standish of interviews me about my past, my relationships, my judgment issues, and what tools I used to get out of the funk I was in for over 35 years of my life. Thanks to and
Feb 21, 2016
Aligning With Fulfillment - The Disrespecting Unloving Relationship - Brain Trick For Eliminating Negative Emotions
There's a reason we run into obstacles that stop us from getting what we want in life, and that has to do with what we are aligned with most at a deeper, unconscious level. When we are out of alignment with that, we fall off course and things fall apart. Today I give you a quote, well really a question, to stick on your refrigerator, cubicle wall, bathroom mirror and everywhere else you'll see it so that you stay on course and keep moving along the path on which you are most aligned. In today's Ask Paul segment, I read an email from someone who is disrespected, dismissed and pretty much ignored in her relationship. She's been thinking about divorce, but can't stand the idea of "another failed marriage". One thing I stress to when you don't have a marriage, at least the way it "should" be, then you can't have a "failed marriage" either.  The marriage certificate tells the world you're married, but if marriage is being miserable every day... then you're not really married at all. So perhaps it's time to celebrate a successful divorce! Or not - because it's definitely a personal choice that has a number of possible outcomes. Finally, I talk about a neat brain trick where you can have a memory that feels bad, but dissolve or at least greatly diminish the negative emotions connected to it. It doesn't mean you can't learn from it and take those learnings into your future, but you can move forward without having to continue feeling bad about things you can't do anything about. It's not a cure all bad emotion destroyer, but it may just give you enough to not feel so bad about particular events that happened in your life.  Today's episode is brought to you by Asha with
Feb 14, 2016
The Emotional Debt of Financial Debt - A Listener Works Minimum Wage and Owes Two Hundred Thousand for College - You Are a Specialist
Henrik Ibsen said that "Home life ceases to be free and beautiful as soon as it is founded on borrowing and debt." When I was in my first long-term relationship, I wanted to get married, and fortunately, so did she! However, I said we'll get married as soon as we're both out of debt. The next 6 years of being engaged and not being married really made it clear what my priorities were in love, money and life. We never did get married, and soon we were split. Fast forward a few years and I make the same commitment to another woman. This time, we did it, we got out of debt! In fact, the day we got married, we were debt free. AND... we were also flat broke. We had nothing left. We lost our jobs, our apartment, our savings... all gone. And we ended up having to be a part of the welfare system while being sheltered by loving family. BUT... we were out of debt!I guess you have to be careful what you wish for, and be very specific what you mean!We got married the day we were broke. A friend got us a hotel room, and we enjoyed two days of "honeymoon". Henrik has a point. During my first relationship, we were in debt. During my second relationship, we were completely out of debt, and broke. In both relationships, there was financial trouble and it affected us. So what's the secret? Can there be success in a relationship when there are money issues?Yes and...Any and all problems will be amplified because of other problems. That's true with anything. When you have one problem, other problems tend to get amplified because one problem isn't resolved. And problems tend to compound. You might wonder why your partner brings things up from the past. It's because those things are still somehow unresolved - and the problems of today compound those original problems. What's the solution? For me, it was to get single, regroup, and re-order my priorities in life so I didn't bring my dysfunctions into the next relationship. I had money dysfunctions, so I needed to own those and change those without involving anyone else. In the past, we took it on together. But now I realize I need to fix myself before I can do anything about "us". That's the trick. If you're in a relationship, and you have challenges, then prioritize what needs to be tackled first (the biggest problem) and resolve that. Once you get some relief from one problem, your mind can be a bit more clear for the next one. Now, my challenges are mine, and hers are hers. YES we help each other and YES we work together when possible, but at the end of the day, I know I have my own stuff to work on, and it expands who I am when I'm able to really dig into myself and address what's happening inside me. We can come together and we can ask for help, but we also know that we, as individuals still have to do our own internal work. This is an empowered place to be. It's not a reliance on someone else, it's an alliance with someone else to agree to be there as much as you can for the other person, but returning to yourself to continue learning, growing and evolving to be the best "you" you can be for the other person. I still work on this daily. I talk about this on today's episode, and I also share a letter from someone with $200,000 in debt. Hmm, someone who's had money challenges talking about someone who has money challenges... is this going to work? ;)Let's find out!
Feb 07, 2016
A Yes Person Can Say No - Fear While Talking to People - Even a Goldfish has Emotions
If you're a "yes person", you find yourself saying "Yes" to others. However, what you're really doing is saying "No" to yourself. Doing this causes you to reach burn out after a number of years. You get jaded by friends and family taking advantage of your "generosity", all because you're too nice to say no. There's a way out of this, and it will take baby steps, but it's time to gain some empowerment and start saying "Yes" to yourself. In the Ask Paul segment, I read a letter from a woman who starts to feel fear when talking to people, whether that's because she feels stupid or like she's being judged. No matter what causes it, I talk about a couple of approaches that take the fear out of the equation. Finally, I change things up and talk about animals and emotions. In my opinion, there is absolutely emotions in animals - it's a non-issue, but no matter what you believe, this segment explains my experience with the subject and how I can tell emotions are at play and not just animal instinct. Episode brought to you by
Jan 31, 2016
Transforming the Jerk - Ask Paul About Waiting During a Long Distance Relationship - Making a Contingency Plan in Case of a Break Up or Divorce
There are jerks in our lives, at least that what we tend to call them sometimes, that just never stop getting on our nerves. We hope they act differently, but they never change their ways. Is there anything we can do? Well, we can open our hearts and see what happens. Scary thought! And why would we want to open our hearts to someone who acts so bad towards us? Find out in this episode. Also, in the Ask Paul segment, I read a message from someone who is in a long distance relationship and isn't sure what to do since it will be three years until they can be together. What would you do? Would you wait? Could you? Finally, what's your contingency plan in case of a break-up or divorce? Do you have one? I'm not talking about your heart, I'm talking about your finances mostly. Some people are left with nothing after a break-up because they believed that what they had would never end. The truth is hard to face that it is possible that what you have could end, so maybe it's a good idea to take care of yourself at least a little bit in the relationship too - that way if it all goes down, you won't have so many pieces to pick up and put back together. Today's episode is sponsored by where you can spend $20 a month on legal representation to ask questions, write letters on your behalf and more!
Jan 24, 2016
A Perspective on Living with Chronic Pain - Coming Out in the World and Broadcasting Your True Self
How can you live with chronic pain? How do you get through the suffering? Is there a path to freedom or is it a never-ending event that will plague you for the rest of your life? Also, in the Ask Paul segment, I receive a letter from a gay man in his 40s suffering from a deep depression who cannot get a good night's sleep and hasn't "come out" to show the world the way he truly wants to live and what he really wants to say. Chronic physical pain is part 1 and chronic emotional pain is part 2. Episode bought to you by - Actual attorneys for less than a dollar a day. 
Jan 17, 2016
The Snapping Point of Lasting Change and Finding Compassion When People are Petty
We all have a snapping snapping point and it can change our world when it happens. I remember the first time I stood up for myself. I was 10. We had just finished wrestling, as boys tend to do, and I was done... but he wasn't. I sat at the table, tired and really not interested in wrestling anymore. And he kept saying, "Come on, let's wrestle some more." I was like, "Nope, I'm done. Too tired, don't want to anymore." "Come on, let's wrestle again!" "No. I don't want to." "Come on!" (play slaps my face) "No... I'm done!" "Let's go, let's just wrestle a little more!" I don't know where it came from, but my hand turned into a fist, and my body twisted while my arm swung towards his face. My fist connected with his jaw, and he went to the ground holding his mouth. I sat down calmly and spoke softly, "I told you, I don't want to wrestle anymore." He eventually got up (seemed like 5 minutes, but it was probably like 20 seconds or something - who knows!) and went home. Up until that time, I had been a real pushover. That "friend" was actually a bully that forced me to be his friend mainly because I didn't know how to say no. There's only so long you can be forced to do something you don't want to do until you snap. That buildup had been going on for over a year or more, and I'd had enough of his bullying. Wow, that felt good. The next day, he apologized and said he and his mom were going to get Chinese food and asked if I wanted to go with them. Honestly, I didn't want anything to do with him ever again. I hated him. But I felt my old ways kicking in and said "yes" as I always did, and we started hanging out again after that. Those years, where I HAD to be his friend, were quite grueling for me. You'd think once I snapped and knocked him down, I'd have this sense of empowerment and self-confidence. And for that brief moment, I did! But I let my old personality return and I was back where I started in no time. I never got to experience that snapping point again until I was well into my 30s. But that time, I didn't have to punch anyone - I just had to realize that I WAS IMPORTANT. I am important enough to honor and respect AND protect from things I don't want in my life. The event that took place is another story for another time, but when this realization occurred and I honored myself for the first time in decades, I was old and wise enough to make it stick this time and from now on. At that moment, I thought something to the effect of, "I will always honor myself even if the consequences may be unpleasant." Of course, I would pick and choose situations to do that, but it was a new way of being... a new philosophy by which to live. Do YOU honor yourself when there's a chance it could lead to unpleasant circumstances? Or do you hold back and let people walk all over you so your're honoring THEIR boundaries over yours? If you've spent a lifetime honoring other people's boundaries at the cost of violating your own (like I have), then maybe it's time to treat yourself as your own best friend. A best friend will guide you and stand up for you. They will be there when you need them. When you can be your own best friend, you will change your world. Your best friend will help you keep your dignity and live authentically. Your best friend will keep you from reaching that "snapping" point where you can't take anymore, because you will have already taken care of yourself. That's what I want for you. I also answer a letter from a woman who finds herself not really feeling compassionate towards people's petty problems. Get a law firm for $20 a month:
Jan 09, 2016
Standing Up For Yourself Is The Right Thing - Getting Resistance While Honoring Your Boundaries - A Listener Stops Listening and Calls Me Out
Brene Brown said it so eloquently: "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others."Many years ago, I remember having to disappoint my bosses during my one year anniversary. They brought me in for my evaluation, gave me a promotion, praised me for the amazing work I'd been doing over the past year, were excited about where I was going in the company, and gave me the tiniest raise I'd ever been given in my life. I was like... "Wow... Thank you?"That's what I thought in my head. But what I SAID was, "I'm rather disappointed. I thought I'd be getting a lot more money. With all the weekends I put in, all the projects I took on, and all the time I've spent helping out everyone I can, I really expected a lot more."They were like, "Oh..." The look on their faces went from excitement to confusion, and the moment got awkward. Then I said, "I really have to think about my future here. Don't worry, I'm not quitting, but I do need to think about things."And that was how I thanked them for their praise and generosity. It may have seemed ungrateful, with so many people unemployed at the time, but what was most important to me was that I valued myself enough to stand up for myself. I valued "me" enough to speak my mind, politely of course, but I honored myself that day and it felt pretty damn good. 3 months later, I left that position and started a coaching business. My life's never been the same. I believe in standing up for yourself when you know it's the right thing, and accepting the consequences of doing just that. Not many people are willing to accept getting fired or getting dumped or whatever the consequences are, but when you live and express your truth, your true path is revealed. The hard part is accepting that there will be a hard part!I talk about that on today's episode. Also, I read two letters: One from a woman who wants to know how to honor her boundaries without getting so much resistance, AND a really great letter from someone who calls me out! She thinks I have some sort of pathology and may need therapy. Is she right? Let's find out! Attorneys for $20 a month
Jan 03, 2016
The physical symptoms of emotional turmoil - The Unfaithful Husband and the Wife Who Never Let it Go - A Story of Giving for the Holidays
So much of our emotional pain that doesn't get expressed can turn into actual physical ailments that won't go away until those emotions are expressed and released. Sometimes the damage can be permanent and we'll need to seek medical attention, and other times the healing starts right away. One thing for sure, you start healing when you start expressing. In today's Ask Paul segment, a woman is still holding on to emotional pain from being cheated on. Can she forgive and move on while being married to someone who really does appear to have changed, or is she doomed to feel terrible for the rest of their marriage because she can't get over it. Finally, I read a story of giving called The Gift of the Magi. It's a unique episode and one I know you'll enjoy. Happy holidays! Today's sponsor: Get legal insurance for less than a dollar a day!
Dec 20, 2015
Finding peace when so many people are suffering - Listener email about desperately wanting to save a relationship - inner emotion expressed outwardly through voice and movement
With bombings, shootings and other terrorism going on, how can you find peace and see the world as a better place. The news sensationalizes the bad but never glorifies the good. It's okay to feel okay, and I'll tell you why in this episode. Also, I receive a listener email that talks about wanting to save her relationship after a big move. She moved away, then he moved down to be with her, then things fell apart from there. Finally, I talk about how our internal emotional energy can be expressed through our voice inflection and body movement - strange but true (well, my opinion). visit for legal services for less than a dollar a day! 
Dec 13, 2015
"I Want to End My Life" - A Letter from a 14 Year Old Considering Suicide - Special Episode
What do you say when someone tells you they want to commit suicide? Do you rush them to the police hoping that they will help them? Do you sit with them and really listen to what they're saying so that they know they are being heard and not pushed on to someone else? Is there a real answer? Is there a right answer?  So many people consider it, and so few people talk about it. I received a letter from a 14 year old who wrote that she wanted to die and she's ready to go soon. We take on so much throughout our life, and suicidal thoughts can certainly creep up from time to time. Is there a resolve to this? This is a special episode that deals with someone who feels at the end of their rope. I focus on this 14 year old's letter who chose to stay anonymous, but my talk today could apply to any one of us that has ever considered this path. If you are considering suicide, then at least tell someone about it. Call the Suicide Hotline at 800-273-8255 and make sure you get their perspective. If you're really on the verge, then what's it going to hurt to just tell a stranger on the other end of the line?  You are worthy, and I value you. Stay alive - you are a gift to this planet. Sometimes people don't see you the way you really are because they are wrapped up in their own stuff. But I know you're a gift, and I want you to stay here spreading the gift of you around. If those near you can't see that, then you're hanging with the wrong crowd. 
Dec 06, 2015
Gain Empowerment and Inner Strength by Accepting that Death Could Be The Outcome
How bad can your panic and anxiety get? I had one panic attack in my life and it was at that moment a part of me died, opening up a new way of being.  Nothing like panicking in the desert, having no money, a broken car, and losing the car and everything in it to set off an anxiety attack.  The worst possible scenario was unfolding and I had to either accept and live with the consequences, or not accept what was happening and continue resisting what was absolutely unavoidable.  When I finally panicked to the point where I felt like dying, I was able to release the resistance. I let go of thinking I had a choice, and suddenly choices didn't matter. I just accepted.  And acceptance brought me peace.  Do you resist or accept? Can you accept the worst possible thing that could happen? If you can... you'll be free.  Sounds like a fun topic - I talk about that today!  
Dec 01, 2015
The One You Feed - The Good Wolf Interview with Eric Zimmer - Then I Talk on Depression and Beliefs then Close the Show with Gratitude.
There's a parable that reminds us that there are two wolves inside us all. One is evil (anger, jealousy, greed and resentment). The other is good (joy, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and bravery). The question is, which one wins? At least, that's what Eric Zimmer of The One You Feed podcast likes to ask his guests on every episode of his show. I brought Eric on today to talk about his show and his past struggles with drug addiction, alcoholism and depression (not necessarily in that order) and what he did to move through that and into a better place in himself. We also get into his take on Positive thinking, law of attraction, and affirmations (which you know tend to annoy me). I also talk about depression and beliefs after the interview, and how one belief can empower you and the other can take it away. Finally, I close the show talking about a practice in gratitude. Today's episode is brought to you by:
Nov 22, 2015
Changing Bad Habits, an Inspiring Letter from Someone with an Eating Disorder , and Jared Fogle and Antisocial Personality Disorder - or the Sociopath
Bad habits can be hard to change or moderate, but there are small steps you can take to make it easier to change a bad habit into a good one, or at least, a little less "bad". Also, I received an email with a heartwarming story of inspiration where someone finally realized she had a choice - and she made that choice! It was empowering and needs to be heard by anyone who feels there's no hope for them. Finally, I talk about Jared Fogle, the former Subway spokesperson who is now being charged with possession of child pornography and sex with minors. Once a hero to many, now a symbol of shame. Visit for LegalShield - your peace of mind and quality legal services for less than $20 a month
Nov 15, 2015
Eliminating Negative Memories, the Yin Yang of Masculine and Feminine, and Emotional Detachment
Our emotions are attached to our memories. Our memories are attached to people and stuff. It's that stuff that we hold on to that sometimes makes us feel bad, so why do we still have it in our lives? Pictures are a great example of this. Why keep pictures that make you feel bad? Also, in any relationship, the role of masculine is typically played by one person and the role of feminine is played by the other. The problem occurs when one person likes the role they're in and the other doesn't. Knowing your role and what best works for the relationship will create a harmonious get together as opposed to one of conflict. Finally, I talk a bit about detaching from your emotions. Being emotionally detached can make your partner think that you don't love them... one of the worst feelings in the world. Visit for LegalShield - your peace of mind and quality legal services for less than $20 a month
Nov 08, 2015
Getting the Big Picture in Arguments, Honoring Personal Boundaries with Parents, and Creating the Life You Want
Stepping out of the details so that you can see a bigger picture is one of the best ways to end an argument. When you "chunk up" into a broader perspective instead of staying "chunked down" and embroiled in the details, you're able to step out of all the negative emotional energy about the situation. For the Ask Paul segment, a listener who just graduated college wrote and asked about honoring his personal boundaries with his parents and how to get along with a family member who doesn't seem to like him. The final segment, "What's In The Box?" is where we talk about what it really means to "create the life you want"Visit for LegalShield - your peace of mind and quality legal services for less than $20 a month
Nov 01, 2015
Getting the Big Picture in Arguments, Honoring Personal Boundaries with Parents, and Creating the Life You Want
Stepping out of the details so that you can see a bigger picture is one of the best ways to end an argument. When you "chunk up" into a broader perspective instead of staying "chunked down" and embroiled in the details, you're able to step out of all the negative emotional energy about the situation. For the Ask Paul segment, a listener who just graduated college wrote and asked about honoring his personal boundaries with his parents and how to get along with a family member who doesn't seem to like him. The final segment, "What's In The Box?" is where we talk about what it really means to "create the life you want"Visit for LegalShield - your peace of mind and quality legal services for less than $20 a month
Nov 01, 2015
Self-Worth, Self-Esteem and Choosing to Handle Situations as the Child or the Adult
Your self-worth starts when you interpret what your parents or caretakers think about you. If you interpret that they don't value you, you don't value yourself. As the years go by, your self-esteem builds from your level of self-worth. If you have low self-worth as a child, you have low self-esteem as an adult. It's time to rebuild both so that you don't have so much fear and insecurity in your life. Also, I read an email from a listener who is struggling between being a child and an adult in different situations. It's constantly stressing him out and he can't seem to step into that adult role when needed. Sponsored by
Oct 25, 2015
Self-Compassion and Fearing Happiness
Self compassion is what you have for yourself when you stop being overly giving. And fearing happiness is another issue I talk about after receiving an email from someone who seems to have the perfect life. These two subjects go hand in hand, and really come down to a way of honoring yourself like you've never done before.
Oct 18, 2015
Do You Control Fate - Recovering From The Lies You've Told - You Can Spot a Fake Laugh and inauthentic behavior
Is fate what we make or what we create? I talk about a quote from Carl Jung on this very topic. Today's listener email has to do with being caught in a lie with family, and what to do in the aftermath. News and you is about how we can spot fake or forced laughter, and what we can do with this skill. And finally, I talk a very dysfunctional family member who's trying to worm his way back into my family's lives, but his having a heck of a time getting any cooperation. Today's sponsor is Asha at For incredibly affordable legal insurance, I trust Asha to steer you right.
Oct 11, 2015