Ross O'Carroll-Kelly
By The Irish Times
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Category: Comedy
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Subscribers: 715
Reviews: 1
Episodes: 486
Ciarán Murphy
Oct 12, 2018
Love his books and his podcasts
Description
The weekly Ross o'Carroll-Kelly column in audio, read by Paul Howard.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
| Episode | Date |
|---|---|
|
Honor is only running for Mount Anville head girl to downgrade her old dear’s greatest life achievement
|
Apr 27, 2024 |
|
‘There’s a video of me doing the rounds on this famous Tick Tocks dot com’
|
Apr 22, 2024 |
|
‘You should be ashamed of yourselves! We’re old enough to be your parents and we’ve taken you to three sets!’
|
Apr 12, 2024 |
|
‘If you play that match, Ross, our marriage is over’
|
Apr 08, 2024 |
|
‘You are not having a hort attack! I’m not allowing it!’
|
Mar 29, 2024 |
|
‘I didn’t play football for Rathnew. I didn’t play football for anyone. I resent the allegation’
|
Mar 22, 2024 |
|
Three European Cups, three Six Nations, one Grand Slam – but never winning a Leinster Schools Senior Cup clearly still rankles Heaslip
|
Mar 15, 2024 |
|
‘Don’t tell me I don’t know Ross O’Carroll-Kelly. You bullied me for most of secondary school’
|
Mar 08, 2024 |
|
‘I haven’t cheated on you in, like, 10 years, though – well, let’s just say a long time’
|
Mar 01, 2024 |
|
Honor rubs at the graffiti with a dainty, circular motion, like she’s applying foundation to the face of an elderly loved one
|
Feb 23, 2024 |
|
Sorcha goes, ‘I don’t need a 26-old copy of Cosmopolitan to tell me that I married the wrong man’
|
Feb 16, 2024 |
|
Our daughter came out of the womb with two middle fingers raised to the world. That’s not down to us
|
Feb 10, 2024 |
|
'I’ve got my top off, and Réaltín’s looking at me like my old man turning his nose up at cheap steak'
|
Feb 02, 2024 |
|
‘Honor O’Carroll-Kelly is not the victim. She is a highly intelligent young woman from a privileged background’
|
Jan 26, 2024 |
|
‘How could the child of a mother who puts the mental into environmental action grow up with a moral compass?’
|
Jan 19, 2024 |
|
'She’s hord work, my new padel portner. But the girl fascinates me. She’s like a female me'
|
Jan 15, 2024 |
|
‘Ross, this was my sliding doors moment. And I made the wrong choice’
|
Jan 05, 2024 |
|
‘The Leopardstown Races, eh, Ross? A great way to blow off the old cobwebs after Christmas!’
|
Dec 29, 2023 |
|
Honor is like, ‘There’s no chocolate Kimberleys left,’ and that’s when I end up suddenly losing my sh*t
|
Dec 22, 2023 |
|
‘Oh my God, is this really all the books that we own as a family? I’m so ashamed’
|
Dec 15, 2023 |
|
‘You need to look up the difference between mincemeat and minced meat. Merry focking Christmas’
|
Dec 08, 2023 |
|
‘I’ve never even cleaned up my own children’s vomit, I’m not mopping up after some randomer’
|
Dec 01, 2023 |
|
‘Sneaking around behind my wife’s back is something I’m very, very good at, in fairness to me’
|
Nov 24, 2023 |
|
I wake up on Sunday morning thinking, am I having one of my famous erotic dreams?
|
Nov 17, 2023 |
|
Sorcha is like me before every Ireland squad announcement – in other words, focking delusional
|
Nov 10, 2023 |
|
‘When I close my eyes at night, I can still see that bird’s horrible, leering face’
|
Nov 03, 2023 |
|
‘Sorcha, I honestly don’t think we can just saunter in here like nothing has happened’
|
Oct 27, 2023 |
|
‘Ross, this is all your fault, you sniggering halfwit - that daughter of yours has been going wrong since the day she was born’
|
Oct 27, 2023 |
|
‘Ross, didn’t you get a present of an All Blacks jersey once and use it to wash the cor?’
|
Oct 13, 2023 |
|
‘What does being Johnny Sexton’s hype man involve exactly, Dad?’
|
Oct 06, 2023 |
|
‘I’ve never seen Sorcha so upset - and given my record as a husband, that’s a genuine achievement’
|
Sep 29, 2023 |
|
‘Dad, you need to ask yourself what do you want to be – a rugby fan or a good father?’
|
Sep 22, 2023 |
|
Some things are more important than family. Rugby happens to be one of them
|
Sep 19, 2023 |
|
‘There’s no caps for your so-called matches against Mexico and, I don’t know, Guava Larva. I made the entire thing up’
|
Sep 08, 2023 |
|
‘It turns out that every single vehicle in the Mount Anville cor pork has had its tyres done. Except one’
|
Sep 01, 2023 |
|
‘A chap taught me how to hot-wire a cor this morning,’ the old man goes
|
Aug 25, 2023 |
|
I’m no stranger to seeing my old man standing in the dock accused of serious crimes
|
Aug 18, 2023 |
|
Camino Royale: the final exclusive excerpt from the new Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book
|
Aug 17, 2023 |
|
Camino Royale: the second exclusive excerpt from the new Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book
|
Aug 16, 2023 |
|
Camino Royale: an exclusive excerpt from the new Ross O’Carroll-Kelly book
|
Aug 15, 2023 |
|
‘Honor, there has to be a better way of trying to save the planet than this’
|
Aug 12, 2023 |
|
Dude, you’re not allowed to just, like, shoot seagulls
|
Aug 04, 2023 |
|
Father and son. From the same city. And we might as well be a donkey talking to a parrot
|
Jul 28, 2023 |
|
‘We caught the so-called SUV avenger tonight, in the actual act!’
|
Jul 14, 2023 |
|
People like us don’t get embarrassed. That’s how we’ve ended up where we are in life
|
Jul 07, 2023 |
|
‘What if the SUV Avenger turned out to be your daughter, Sorcha?’
|
Jun 30, 2023 |
|
The SUV Avenger has slashed the tyres on Sorcha’s cor
|
Jun 24, 2023 |
|
‘Bloomsday is God’s way of telling middle class people they have too much time on their hands’
|
Jun 16, 2023 |
|
There’s nothing like the school sports day to get the old competitive juices flowing
|
Jun 09, 2023 |
|
‘I want to have – oh my God – everything done?’ Honor goes. ‘My chin, my nose, my forehead, my lips’
|
Jun 02, 2023 |
|
‘What does Patrick Kielty have that I don’t?’ asks the old dear
|
May 26, 2023 |
|
The old man is a focking embarrassment at rugby matches
|
May 20, 2023 |
|
The two of them are staring at me like this is the worst thing I’ve ever done. It’s not even in the top 10
|
May 12, 2023 |
|
Honor says Joshua just wants to be friends. Better than nothing I say, but I hate lying to the girl
|
May 05, 2023 |
|
I’m the father of a 15-year-old girl. I think, by this stage, I’ve earned the right to embarrass her?
|
Apr 28, 2023 |
|
‘I’ve been polyamorous since the late 1990s’
|
Apr 21, 2023 |
|
Here we are on the roof of the house, vaping away to our horts’ content
|
Apr 14, 2023 |
|
The old dear arrives at the door, smelling like a distillery tour, asking to see her granddaughters
|
Apr 11, 2023 |
|
We’re a father and daughter vaping away to beat the band, properly bonding
|
Mar 31, 2023 |
|
I’m 43. Andy Farrell would want to be pretty focking desperate for a 10 to pick me
|
Mar 27, 2023 |
|
What a day . . . I’ll just send a quick congrats text to Johnny Sexton
|
Mar 21, 2023 |
|
Girls, if Johnny Sexton was here, he’d tell you – you are never, ever beaten
|
Mar 17, 2023 |
|
Now I’m doing something that I never do, doubting myself
|
Mar 10, 2023 |
|
I want this school to be a conveyor belt of women’s rugby talent
|
Mar 03, 2023 |
|
I’ve ended up on a poster for adult incontinence treatment on a gable wall in, like, Ranelagh
|
Feb 24, 2023 |
|
I’m getting the tattoo of J-Lowe, a late 40th birthday present to myself
|
Feb 17, 2023 |
|
One day, there’s going to be a Leinster Schools Senior Cup… for girls!
|
Feb 10, 2023 |
|
I’m surrounded by people who keep me grounded. I wish they’d focking stop
|
Feb 03, 2023 |
|
Sixmas is what I call the Six Nations Championship – the most wonderful time of the year
|
Jan 30, 2023 |
|
Would I have to take my top off for any of these jobs? That wouldn’t be an issue for me
|
Jan 20, 2023 |
|
If women’s rugby is ever going to be treated seriously, they’ll have to embrace the whole obnoxiousness thing
|
Jan 13, 2023 |
|
I silently curse myself for giving St Michael’s College credit that they don’t deserve
|
Jan 06, 2023 |
|
‘You put the focking Quality Street, the focking Roses and the focking Celebrations in the same bowl!’
|
Dec 23, 2022 |
|
'I’m having a slash when in walks Santa, and all my Christmases come at once'
|
Dec 16, 2022 |
|
It’s the Castlerock College mince pie-eating contest, and Leo is stepping up to the plate
|
Dec 09, 2022 |
|
‘I’m not having a Terenure College Christmas tree in the house’
|
Dec 02, 2022 |
|
'Honor isn’t for everyone. She takes after her old man in that regord'
|
Nov 25, 2022 |
|
The neighbours have visions of the Vico Road turning into Morbella
|
Nov 18, 2022 |
|
‘Schoolbooks shmoolbooks ... I didn’t do a tap at school and look at me’
|
Nov 11, 2022 |
|
‘Newpork is famous for kids with pierced lips...They don’t even care about rugby’
|
Nov 08, 2022 |
|
'It’s Halloween week and we’re living in a house that’s, like, haunted – literally'
|
Oct 28, 2022 |
|
'I’ve been shocked by the change that has come over my daughter since we moved to Terenure'
|
Oct 21, 2022 |
|
'Already I feel like I’ve created a team in my image – in other words, winners'
|
Oct 14, 2022 |
|
'I’m a big believer in overpraising my children. Never did me any horm as a kid'
|
Oct 07, 2022 |
|
'Honor storts screaming at the top of her lungs. But no one hears her. Because mine are louder'
|
Sep 30, 2022 |
|
'Ronan is a – what’s the word – Republican? As in, he’s got the names of the whole crew from 1915 tattooed on his upper orm'
|
Sep 23, 2022 |
|
'The girls are staring at me in just, like, awe – they’re ready to learn from the master'
|
Sep 16, 2022 |
|
‘Just because I’m a serial liar doesn’t mean that I can’t be trusted’
|
Sep 09, 2022 |
|
‘How much would it mean to the girls storting school here to have the legendary Ross O’Carroll-Kelly teaching them rugby?’
|
Sep 02, 2022 |
|
‘Sorcha Lalor, you were the best Dalkey Lobster Festival Queen we ever had’
|
Aug 26, 2022 |
|
I’m lying by the pool, doing my daily sit-ups with my top off, when I hear Honor go, ‘Oh, for fock’s sake! Not these two focking clowns!
|
Aug 19, 2022 |
|
‘Pissing in a swimming pool is a bit like farting at Mass. The trick is to squeeze it out quietly’
|
Aug 13, 2022 |
|
What are the girls in Mount Anville going to say when they find out you’re living in a housing estate?
|
Aug 06, 2022 |
|
I look fantastic for a man of 42, abs like speed bumps and pecs like bay windows
|
Jul 29, 2022 |
|
‘No focking way. I’m not breaking into the dude’s office’
|
Jul 22, 2022 |
|
‘I wonder sometimes are these kids definitely mine’
|
Jul 15, 2022 |
|
Our daughter is completely devoid of human feeling
|
Jul 08, 2022 |
|
Noah is graduating from creche. (Who the fock is Noah?)
|
Jul 01, 2022 |
|
Sometimes you have to break the Mount Anville code
|
Jun 24, 2022 |
|
‘You didn’t think I was going to sit back and watch you allow girls into this school, did you?’
|
Jun 17, 2022 |
|
‘I love Honor’s attitude. Not everyone does, but I’d be a major, major fan’
|
Jun 10, 2022 |
|
Sorcha is still serious about knocking gaff and turning it into aportments
|
Jun 04, 2022 |
|
"Three triplets and only one can be a mascot for Leinster. Who will it be?"
|
May 27, 2022 |
|
‘We want to build a block of aportments... affordable ones’
|
May 20, 2022 |
|
‘There are millions of people who would give their right orm to live in Killiney’
|
May 13, 2022 |
|
Women’s toilets? I mean, what’s next? A hockey pitch?
|
May 06, 2022 |
|
‘My antigen is still positive, but I’ve never felt better’
|
Apr 29, 2022 |
|
‘I will never forgive your old pair for treating us to this trip’
|
Apr 23, 2022 |
|
‘You focking idiot, Ross! Chocolate is poisonous to dogs’
|
Apr 16, 2022 |
|
‘Fifteen rooms is a lot to put down.’
|
Apr 11, 2022 |
|
‘Girls learn differently to boys – and when I say differently, I mean slowly and not as well’
|
Apr 02, 2022 |
|
‘A co-educational school has never won the Leinster Schools Senior Cup!’
|
Mar 26, 2022 |
|
'Do you mean there’s going to be, like, girls going to Castlerock?'
|
Mar 19, 2022 |
|
'It’s off to Budapest for Dr Holger Esterházy’s miracle hair restoration treatment'
|
Mar 12, 2022 |
|
‘You lifted the Leinster Schools Senior Cup – does that mean nothing to you now’
|
Mar 04, 2022 |
|
‘Fifty grandingtons!’ – that’s the cost of the Budapest hair clinic
|
Feb 25, 2022 |
|
'Just because we have money, we can't keep Killiney all to ourselves'
|
Feb 18, 2022 |
|
Rezoning Dalkey for affordable housing? The natives are up in orms
|
Feb 11, 2022 |
|
‘I feel like my old man – the pub bore, shouting opinions into the air while everyone zones out’
|
Feb 04, 2022 |
|
‘When I say it’s oaber, Rosser, Ine thalken about me and Hodor’s business. It’s boddixed’
|
Jan 28, 2022 |
|
‘Like a great many politicians, I have a public position, as well as a private position’
|
Jan 22, 2022 |
|
‘This is killing me, Sorcha. I feel about as useful as a focking Orts degree’
|
Jan 14, 2022 |
|
‘Andrea Shotton called me maskier than thou,’ Sorcha goes
|
Jan 07, 2022 |
|
‘Oh, please, God, no. I can’t become a father again at, like, 42’
|
Dec 31, 2021 |
|
‘It’s such a good present I actually wanted to smash it to pieces – just purely out of spite’
|
Dec 24, 2021 |
|
Sorcha injures her foot, while Honor makes a shocking discovery
|
Dec 18, 2021 |
|
The Christmas cards are out, but a problem arises
|
Dec 10, 2021 |
|
‘If you have to hide a cash incentive inside a food, it’s almost certainly not worth eating’
|
Dec 03, 2021 |
|
'Johnny goes, "My daddy says we’re going to eat a reindeer"'
|
Nov 26, 2021 |
|
Of course Santa exists – who do you think drinks all the Heineken?
|
Nov 19, 2021 |
|
‘I lead the boys at gunpoint up the Shelbourne Road’
|
Nov 13, 2021 |
|
‘I can lie – very easily – but not when it comes to rugby’
|
Nov 05, 2021 |
|
‘They talk about the Collison brothers, but those chaps have got nothing on you, Honor’
|
Oct 29, 2021 |
|
‘You are not giving me a combover’
|
Oct 22, 2021 |
|
Ross O’Carroll Kelly: ‘I can’t go bald. I’m 41 – but I’m, like, a young 41?’
|
Oct 15, 2021 |
|
'My children are storting to grow on me'
|
Oct 08, 2021 |
|
‘He has a dreamcatcher tattoo on the back of his wrist. It’s like he does these things deliberately to make me hate him’
|
Oct 01, 2021 |
|
"I’m having Vietnam-style flashbacks here"
|
Sep 24, 2021 |
|
"Sorcha did Fake Sincerity as an extracurricular subject in Mount Anville"
|
Sep 18, 2021 |
|
"First day in Willow Pork for the triplets – the absolute shame of it"
|
Sep 11, 2021 |
|
"My fingers are actually shaking as I type my exam number into the laptop"
|
Sep 04, 2021 |
|
‘I genuinely don’t think I’m ready to be a Blackrock dad’
|
Aug 27, 2021 |
|
"Honor says she’s not getting the Covid vaccine"
|
Aug 20, 2021 |
|
"You don't seem angry, like a lot of people who are into the Irish language" - Normal Sheeple excerpt #4
|
Aug 19, 2021 |
|
"It's a ball, but not an ordinary-shaped ball. This one is, like, round" - Normal Sheeple excerpt #3
|
Aug 18, 2021 |
|
"Out of the hundred or so people seated for dinner, I'm the only one wearing a Leinster jersey" - Normal Sheeple excerpt #2
|
Aug 17, 2021 |
|
"Everyone's clapping as Sorcha steers Samantha Power to the front row" - Normal Sheeple excerpt #1
|
Aug 16, 2021 |
|
‘His wife moves the cursor on his work laptop every five minutes, so it doesn’t go into sleep mode’
|
Aug 07, 2021 |
|
‘I want you to, like, Insta-story my Covid test journey’
|
Jul 30, 2021 |
|
'Are you suggesting I pretend to have Covid?’
|
Jul 23, 2021 |
|
‘Hennessy Coghlan-O’Hara taught me how to drink a Mortini in three mouthfuls’
|
Jul 17, 2021 |
|
‘Ronan showed me how to light a fire and make it look like an accident’
|
Jul 09, 2021 |
|
‘I’d rather rip out my molars with a pliers than holiday in Ireland again’
|
Jul 02, 2021 |
|
‘You’ve massively disimproved with age ... The big, fat rugby head on you’
|
Jun 26, 2021 |
|
‘I’ll throw on my nudey lady borbecue apron’
|
Jun 18, 2021 |
|
I’m like Cersei Lannister – refusing to leave the throne
|
Jun 11, 2021 |
|
‘There wasn’t even a turn-down service, Judge. I’ll be having flashbacks for as long as I live’
|
May 28, 2021 |
|
‘Rugby banter is taking a dump in someone’s shoes’
|
May 21, 2021 |
|
‘Rugby is not pass the porcel, Morcus’
|
May 14, 2021 |
|
'Then she says it – the words all south Dublin parents dread'
|
May 07, 2021 |
|
‘They brought a corvery dinner to my room!’
|
Apr 30, 2021 |
|
‘We’re looking for Fionnuala O’Carroll-Kelly. She absconded from quarantine this morning’
|
Apr 23, 2021 |
|
'I just assumed quarantine wouldn’t affect people like us'
|
Apr 17, 2021 |
|
‘Get in before they change their minds and haul your orse back to jail’
|
Apr 09, 2021 |
|
My opening line in the Irish oral was ‘Bonjour’. I never really recovered after that
|
Apr 02, 2021 |
|
‘The judge tells us – in, like, legal language – to shut the fock up’
|
Mar 26, 2021 |
|
‘We’re not a priority for the vaccine.’ ‘Even though we’re rich?’
|
Mar 20, 2021 |
|
‘I urge you all – standing here, in the People’s Pork – to remove your masks!’
|
Mar 12, 2021 |
|
‘Netflix is port of the conspiracy! A form of methadone’
|
Mar 05, 2021 |
|
‘We can’t just dump all our rubbish in the front gorden, Sorcha'
|
Feb 26, 2021 |
|
"Wuthering Heights is basically the story of my life"
|
Feb 19, 2021 |
|
'After a year of being locked up together, we are sick and tired of the sight of each other’
|
Feb 12, 2021 |
|
‘Have you seen the chemtrails over Foxrock this morning?’
|
Feb 05, 2021 |
|
‘I know every mork on the floor, the walls and the ceiling of this bor’
|
Jan 29, 2021 |
|
‘75? What on earth makes you think I’m 75?’
|
Jan 22, 2021 |
|
‘Honor has been, like, homeschooling me’
|
Jan 15, 2021 |
|
‘The pressure of being the cool parent ends up being too much’
|
Jan 08, 2021 |
|
‘Do Dry January? That’s crazy talk’
|
Jan 01, 2021 |
|
‘I want a Christmas that Tony Holohan would approve of’
|
Dec 18, 2020 |
|
‘How much moo are we talking – for, like, midnight Mass in, say, Foxrock?’
|
Dec 11, 2020 |
|
‘One of your Three Wise Men stuck his middle finger up at me’
|
Dec 04, 2020 |
|
The kitchen smells of rum. Either my old dear is over or Sorcha’s baking a Christmas cake
|
Nov 27, 2020 |
|
‘I’ve storted a rumour Matt Damon wants to build a house on Coliemore road’
|
Nov 20, 2020 |
|
‘Honor was walking around with the blond wig and Make America Great Again sweatshirt’
|
Nov 13, 2020 |
|
‘Where is Flavian Way, anyway? It actually sounds more Glenageary than Dalkey?’
|
Nov 07, 2020 |
|
‘You can’t end a relationship with someone by climbing out the window’
|
Nov 07, 2020 |
|
I can hear the old dear’s hysterical voice going, ‘Better men than you have eaten my one-pot stews!’
|
Oct 23, 2020 |
|
‘Johnny actual Sexton is at the front door’
|
Oct 16, 2020 |
|
‘Ross,’ the old man goes, ‘I’m afraid I’ve made a dreadful mistake!’
|
Oct 09, 2020 |
|
‘Oh, right – you’re one of these maskier-than-thou people’
|
Oct 02, 2020 |
|
‘I’ve never been much of a conversationalist, but I’m on fire with this woman’
|
Sep 26, 2020 |
|
‘They want us to vacate this place so they can use it as a love shack?’
|
Sep 18, 2020 |
|
‘I wouldn’t expect an animal to live in that place. And, besides, it’s rented out at the moment’
|
Sep 11, 2020 |
|
I’ve seen her drink turpentine and still be sober enough for nine holes in Foxrock
|
Sep 04, 2020 |
|
This is still the Vico Road. Pandemic or no pandemic
|
Aug 28, 2020 |
|
Your old dear is no scene-stealer... she has sticky-out ears and legs like the William Dorgan Bridge
|
Aug 21, 2020 |
|
‘I’m going to ask you something,’ Sorcha goes, ‘Have you two been sleeping together?’
|
Aug 14, 2020 |
|
‘We could be in DeVille’s among people who get where we’re coming from. Literally the Vico Road’
|
Aug 07, 2020 |
|
We’re not American. This is how people from south Dublin talk?
|
Jul 31, 2020 |
|
‘I know none of us should be travelling - but Fock it’
|
Jul 24, 2020 |
|
‘We’ll be eating soup in Drizzle Mór while everyone else is sipping pina coladas’
|
Jul 18, 2020 |
|
‘You see, the 50-person limit has made Mass tickets a hot commodity’
|
Jul 11, 2020 |
|
‘That’ll teach him to challenge the Rossmeister to a mickey-swinging contest’
|
Jul 03, 2020 |
|
‘I’m the same as you. I hate it when other people are good at stuff that I’m not good at’
|
Jun 26, 2020 |
|
‘We give our children everything they ask for, if that makes us bad parents – guilty as chorged’
|
Jun 19, 2020 |
|
She saw a goy in a white coat and shouted, ‘Hero!’ And he was like, ‘Er, I work in Kiehl’s’
|
Jun 12, 2020 |
|
‘We’re having a fancy dress porty and I’m going as the wife of a philanderer’
|
Jun 05, 2020 |
|
‘Adultery is like getting a dent in a new cor. Once you’ve done it once, it gets easier’
|
May 29, 2020 |
|
‘It’s a shame it took a global pandemic to get Ross to keep it in his trousers’
|
May 22, 2020 |
|
‘Dad, you can shove your offer. I’m going to sit the Leaving Cert’
|
May 15, 2020 |
|
‘I’ve been booking supermorket delivery slots weeks in advance. Then selling them for €70 each’
|
May 12, 2020 |
|
‘Ross, how would you like to make love to a woman with grey hair?’
|
May 02, 2020 |
|
‘Sorcha has an – I think it’s a word – alterior motive for the Zoom call’
|
Apr 24, 2020 |
|
Joe Wicks goes, ‘That’s our warm-up completed.’ I’m already focked
|
Apr 17, 2020 |
|
‘We’re not going to eat the banana bread. We’re going to give it to the neighbours’
|
Apr 10, 2020 |
|
‘We’re fine up here, Ross. I just can’t imagine this thing coming to Foxrock’
|
Apr 03, 2020 |
|
‘Ross, from this morning, you’re going to be home-schooling Honor.’ I laugh out loud
|
Mar 27, 2020 |
|
‘The O’Carroll-Kelly Saliva Stakes is the closest thing we have to live sport now’
|
Mar 20, 2020 |
|
‘Ross, I hate to be the bearer of bad news. Your mother is on Tinder’
|
Mar 14, 2020 |
|
‘I recognise the look instantly. One cheater knows another’
|
Mar 06, 2020 |
|
‘Samuel Beckett’s a writer. He wrote Waiting for Bobo’
|
Feb 28, 2020 |
|
‘I just shake my head... The dirty dog. The filthy hypocrite’
|
Feb 21, 2020 |
|
‘Sold to the man in the Ireland jersey with a bowtie tied around his neck!’
|
Feb 15, 2020 |
|
‘I want you to flirt with the girl on the reception desk’
|
Feb 07, 2020 |
|
‘I want this to be as big as the Statue of bloody well Liberty!”’
|
Jan 31, 2020 |
|
‘Críost on a rothar. It looks like Chorlie Haughey’
|
Jan 24, 2020 |
|
I hate my father-in-law the same way dogs hate lampposts
|
Jan 17, 2020 |
|
"You’re a camel hair coat away from being your grandfather, Ro"
|
Jan 10, 2020 |
|
‘We should have maybe hired a professional jockey’
|
Jan 03, 2020 |
|
‘Is anyone going to own up to this Kris Kindle? Is this some kind of joke?’
|
Dec 24, 2019 |
|
‘Ross, you can’t hold a note. I don’t want you embarrassing yourself’
|
Dec 20, 2019 |
|
‘Goys, does Ronan look like he’s actually in control of that horse?’
|
Dec 13, 2019 |
|
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘We may need to cuff him when we get to Lapland’
|
Dec 06, 2019 |
|
‘Tubs sees the boys then and – in fairness – he gives them the benefit of the doubt’
|
Nov 29, 2019 |
|
'The dude goes, The horse is a maniac. He's the maddest animal I've ever seen'
|
Nov 22, 2019 |
|
'Oh my God', Honor goes, 'there's a focking horse in the gorden!'
|
Nov 15, 2019 |
|
'Me and the goys are thinking of buying a horse'
|
Nov 08, 2019 |
|
‘It’s supposed to be like Quinta do Lago – except outside it’s Ballymahon’
|
Nov 01, 2019 |
|
"It absolutely kills me to say this, but people hate our kids"
|
Oct 25, 2019 |
|
‘Munster didn’t beat the All Blacks in 1978. This video proves it’
|
Oct 18, 2019 |
|
‘No, Sorcha. I’m going to Japan. The team needs me’
|
Oct 11, 2019 |
|
'All these early morning matches are taking their toll on me'
|
Oct 04, 2019 |
|
'My meal was served on a 1986 edition of the 01 phone directory'
|
Oct 01, 2019 |
|
Isn’t everyone wearing a kimono to watch the rugby?
|
Sep 20, 2019 |
|
‘Munster beat the All Blacks. We’ve all heard the story... but did it really happen?’
|
Sep 13, 2019 |
|
‘How does another dog plus five grand sound?’
|
Sep 06, 2019 |
|
‘How dare they leave out the hyphen?’
|
Aug 30, 2019 |
|
Schmidt Happens: Excerpt Three
|
Aug 29, 2019 |
|
Schmidt Happens: Excerpt Two
|
Aug 28, 2019 |
|
Schmidt Happens: Excerpt One
|
Aug 27, 2019 |
|
As one girl puts it, ‘Send him back to Google in a focking wheelchair’
|
Aug 23, 2019 |
|
‘The dude pats me down to make sure I’m not packing heat’
|
Aug 16, 2019 |
|
‘You can’t fire me as a godparent. I resign’
|
Aug 09, 2019 |
|
A south Dublin borbecue – what could possibly go wrong?
|
Aug 02, 2019 |
|
‘I wouldn’t be shocked if she was running a meth lab out of her bedroom’
|
Jul 26, 2019 |
|
‘You found 10 bags of cocaine and you go to the police?’
|
Jul 20, 2019 |
|
‘It’s coke, Rosser.’ I’m there, ‘Well I knew it wasn’t Shake n’Vac’
|
Jul 12, 2019 |
|
I’ve tried my best not to love my son any less since he storted wearing glasses
|
Jul 05, 2019 |
|
Honor has suddenly started to think about environmental issues ... but why?
|
Jun 29, 2019 |
|
Honor leaves Love Island to admit to driving the cor
|
Jun 21, 2019 |
|
‘While I hate lying to him, that’s my job as a parent’
|
Jun 14, 2019 |
|
‘Sorcha says the words that every rugby father dreads’
|
Jun 08, 2019 |
|
'The Lambo my old man gave Ro is having a strange effect on him'
|
May 31, 2019 |
|
‘We’re going to be doing what I call, Maths Through Rugby’
|
May 24, 2019 |
|
‘You’re a Montessori teacher. A babysitter with good insurance cover’
|
May 17, 2019 |
|
‘I know deep down she actually hates that I’m the cool parent’
|
May 10, 2019 |
|
'I don't mind being buried in Deansgrange. It's a good address'
|
May 03, 2019 |
|
'What the fock are you doing in a red Lambo?'
|
Apr 26, 2019 |
|
‘We’re going to miss the Easter Bonnet Parade in Dalkey’
|
Apr 19, 2019 |
|
‘I’m just saying that our kids are three little yobs’
|
Apr 12, 2019 |
|
‘Let’s just say the match is not a good advertisement for rugby’
|
Apr 05, 2019 |
|
‘I dedicate each sit-up to someone who’s done me wrong over the years’
|
Mar 29, 2019 |
|
I’m remembering Fr Fehily hyped up to fever pitch after listening to his Hitler 45s
|
Mar 22, 2019 |
|
‘Gout? What the fock is gout? And please don’t say it’s caused by rugby’
|
Mar 15, 2019 |
|
‘We would have beaten you with or without Fr Fehily’s doping programme’
|
Mar 08, 2019 |
|
The old man takes his truth bus to UCD’s snowflakes
|
Mar 01, 2019 |
|
No one warns you as you leave Holles Street, “Kids can be seriously focking annoying”
|
Feb 22, 2019 |
|
‘A convicted criminal is what this female student person called me!’
|
Feb 15, 2019 |
|
''Fock England!’ they shouted as we passed actual England supporters'
|
Feb 08, 2019 |
|
‘Ugly right-wing views? Is this about my letter to The Irish Times?’
|
Feb 01, 2019 |
|
‘I’m entitled to know why taxi drivers seem to think so little of me’
|
Jan 25, 2019 |
|
'How does this sound: The O’Carroll-Kelly Institute of Rugby!'
|
Jan 18, 2019 |
|
‘Honor can be terribly cruel – it’s hilarious if you’re not the one on the receiving end’
|
Jan 11, 2019 |
|
‘Honor cops me standing there, staring at her like she’s a dog explaining Brexit’
|
Jan 04, 2019 |
|
‘Croia called me a Gender Binarist because of my Goys and Dolls party’
|
Dec 28, 2018 |
|
‘Our way of dealing with our children’s anti-social behaviour has been to totally ignore it’
|
Dec 21, 2018 |
|
‘I’m sorry but that’s where this Santa Claus draws the line’
|
Dec 14, 2018 |
|
'I shan't be moving. I've got a full stomach and an empty bladder'
|
Dec 07, 2018 |
|
‘I’m sorry for crying. It’s just my brain feels like it’s turning into paté’
|
Nov 30, 2018 |
|
‘I swear on my children’s lives I’ve had no contact with Peter Casey’
|
Nov 23, 2018 |
|
‘Our bogey group should be lactose-intolerant Border-county cyclists’
|
Nov 16, 2018 |
|
‘I’m now a member of nine Mount Anville WhatsApp groups'
|
Nov 09, 2018 |
|
‘Just because people are vulnerable doesn’t mean they’re not taking the piss’
|
Nov 02, 2018 |
|
‘Honor was actually conceived in this cor?’ ‘We should push it off a cliff’
|
Oct 26, 2018 |
|
‘You grew up in south Dublin, but it’s like you arrived from space an hour ago’
|
Oct 19, 2018 |
|
‘I’m with The Girls. We’re getting along like doughnuts and Blanchardstown’
|
Oct 12, 2018 |
|
'There’s a girl who works in the Bailey. And before you say anything,we were on a break at the time'
|
Oct 05, 2018 |
|
‘I had no idea how difficult being a Mount Anville mom was going to be’
|
Sep 28, 2018 |
|
"Limerick’s definitely been tidied up a bit since ‘Angela’s Ashes"
|
Sep 21, 2018 |
|
My sons take after me in their love of being surrounded by admiring females
|
Sep 14, 2018 |
|
Dancing with the Tsars Excerpt #4
|
Sep 07, 2018 |
|
‘Working remotely is modern business-speak for on your own time and for no extra money’
|
Sep 07, 2018 |
|
Dancing with The Tsars Excerpt #3
|
Sep 06, 2018 |
|
Dancing with The Tsars Excerpt #2
|
Sep 05, 2018 |
|
Dancing with the Tsars Excerpt #1
|
Sep 04, 2018 |
|
‘I suddenly feel like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society’
|
Aug 31, 2018 |
|
‘Goys, this is Tayto Pork!’ The triplets’ faces light up’
|
Aug 24, 2018 |
|
'A chill goes through my body as I notice her - get this - kissing an actual boy'
|
Aug 17, 2018 |
|
"There’s a lot of Oh! My! God!s – even by normal South Dublin standards"
|
Aug 10, 2018 |
|
‘You cried once when Elaine Crowley was on holidays and someone else was presenting Midday’
|
Aug 03, 2018 |
|
‘Tag rugby is, like, speed dating for South Dublin people’
|
Jul 27, 2018 |
|
‘I’m reminded of an old rugby saying of mine: never be afraid to let the opposition see your abs’
|
Jul 20, 2018 |
|
‘The hosepipe ban isn’t for People Like Us. It’s only €125’
|
Jul 13, 2018 |
|
‘I considered driving over a cliff just so I wouldn’t have to hear their focking voices’
|
Jul 06, 2018 |
|
'I'm close to cracking up and we're not even on the runway yet'
|
Jun 29, 2018 |
|
'I'm morking the 20th anniversary of failing my test for the first time'
|
Jun 23, 2018 |
|
'Unless it's escaped your attention, I'm a complete moron'
|
Jun 16, 2018 |
|
‘Are you saying you want me to be one of those stay-in-bed fathers?’
|
Jun 08, 2018 |
|
‘I’m the best estate agent you have – and that’s not me being big-headed’
|
Jun 01, 2018 |
|
‘If she’s never met a brat like Honor before, she mustn’t be from around here’
|
May 25, 2018 |
|
‘He was basically saying I’m Leinster and Ireland’s unsung hero’
|
May 18, 2018 |
|
It turns out that I’m not as blue-blooded as I thought
|
May 11, 2018 |
|
‘Priced out of Killiney? That’s what you get for choosing an orts degree!’
|
May 04, 2018 |
|
Kielys of Donnybrook could be lost forever
|
Apr 27, 2018 |
|
‘I can sense Sorcha tensing up when Honor is asked, “Do you reject Satan?”’
|
Apr 20, 2018 |
|
‘I’m not posting bail for Conor McGregor. He dresses better than I do’
|
Apr 13, 2018 |
|
‘People need to realise ‘Room to Improve’ is just a TV show. It’s not reality’
|
Apr 06, 2018 |
|
‘I’ve chosen Vladimir for my Confirmation name. After Vladimir Putin’
|
Mar 30, 2018 |
|
‘It’s 500 yoyos to secure a seat, non-refundable in the event of cancellation’
|
Mar 23, 2018 |
|
‘Bouncy castles attract undesirables. They’re not for People Like Us’
|
Mar 16, 2018 |
|
‘You’re going to need to find another sucker – Mother’s Day or no Mother’s Day’
|
Mar 09, 2018 |
|
‘You went down a different route, Sorcha. You had a family. Three beautiful children. Plus Honor’
|
Mar 02, 2018 |
|
‘Why am I driving a shit cor? Because rugby is no longer a guarantee of anything’
|
Feb 23, 2018 |
|
Grab It, Trouser It and Leg It – a proper name for an estate agent
|
Feb 16, 2018 |
|
‘All these years, I’ve taken the rap for being the unfaithful one’
|
Feb 09, 2018 |
|
The Gord goes: ‘Do you ever inquire as to what your daughter gets up to online?’
|
Feb 03, 2018 |
|
‘We’re from South Dublin – none of us want to work for anything’
|
Jan 26, 2018 |
|
‘When Dricmas falls on a weekend, people are entitled to the Monday off’
|
Jan 19, 2018 |
|
‘To my ears, Irish always sounds like someone is hurting a Norwegian’
|
Jan 12, 2018 |
|
I’m the most high-profile Irish rugby player who never got the Leaving?’
|
Jan 05, 2018 |
|
‘Your resolution was to become part of the Irish coaching staff. How did you get on?’
|
Dec 30, 2017 |
|
‘Oh my God, it’s Christmas – and we’ve just been told there’s no room at the Inn’
|
Dec 22, 2017 |
|
‘Don’t forget to leave a very, very large gin and tonic out for, ahem, Rudolph!’
|
Dec 15, 2017 |
|
‘Dave came back from that HR course like a soldier who’s been to war and can’t speak about it’
|
Dec 08, 2017 |
|
‘Grandad!’ Rihanna-Brogan shouts. ‘Don’t call me that! Call me Rosser. Or Rossmeister’
|
Dec 01, 2017 |
|
‘You don’t discriminate. You’re a complete pig to absolutely everyone’
|
Nov 24, 2017 |
|
‘I have no prejudices. Except people who aren’t from Dublin’
|
Nov 17, 2017 |
|
‘I know HR is an actual thing now, but to me it’s like homeopathy or dinosaurs'
|
Nov 10, 2017 |
|
‘A brain like tiramisu.’ ‘Multi-layered?’ ‘No, soft and full of custard’
|
Nov 05, 2017 |
|
‘I have to say my year in UCD was possibly the happiest three months of my life’
|
Oct 27, 2017 |
|
'Believe me,’ Honor goes, ‘she’ll thank us for this in the long run’
|
Oct 20, 2017 |
|
‘You’re a bloody good estate agent. I’ve heard of your lack of emotion and basic humanity’
|
Oct 13, 2017 |
|
‘If white collar crime is a crime, then why does no one ever go to jail for it?’
|
Oct 06, 2017 |
|
‘This is my actual Dad, Ross. He’s a kind of fat rugby has-been’
|
Sep 29, 2017 |
|
Operation Trumpsformation: On Referendum Day, The Cornival Atmosphere Turns Sour for Ross
|
Sep 25, 2017 |
|
Operation Trumpsformation: Micheál Mortin Calls The Old Man's Attitude Cavalier & Irresponsible
|
Sep 24, 2017 |
|
Operation Trumpsformation: Honor, The True Heir to The O'Carroll-Kelly Rugby Name
|
Sep 23, 2017 |
|
Operation Trumpsformation: The Old Man's Vision for A New Ireland
|
Sep 22, 2017 |
|
‘There could be anything in there: a gun, €100k in cash, one of her teachers gagged’
|
Sep 17, 2017 |
|
The old dear goes: ‘I will never forgive you for this, Ross’
|
Sep 08, 2017 |
|
‘It’s the Vico Road. Do you think anyone around here cleans their own gaff?’
|
Sep 01, 2017 |
|
‘It still hasn’t dawned on Sorcha that Honor is the wrong crowd’
|
Aug 25, 2017 |
|
‘The anaesthetist is a total knockout – no pun intended’
|
Aug 18, 2017 |
|
‘Public transport is for the poor and fallen’
|
Aug 11, 2017 |
|
‘You drove to LA to hear a man from Crumlin swearing? You should have just gone to Crumlin’
|
Aug 04, 2017 |
|
‘Ross,’ he goes, ‘you marbles-in-your-mouth, soft-as-shite, South Dublin mammy’s boy’
|
Jul 28, 2017 |
|
‘The doctor says it’s an old rugby injury – I can’t tell you how proud that makes me’
|
Jul 21, 2017 |
|
‘Is Honor double-bluffing me? Or is she double-double bluffing me?’
|
Jul 14, 2017 |
|
"We need a name that says it’s for welfare cheats”
|
Jul 07, 2017 |
|
‘I hear someone blubbing and I suddenly realise it’s me’
|
Jun 30, 2017 |
|
'He dresses like shop security from the 1980s'
|
Jun 23, 2017 |
|
‘We’re southsiders,’ I tell her. ‘We don’t really do feuds’
|
Jun 16, 2017 |
|
‘We’re about to have our first openly second-tier-private-school-educated taoiseach’
|
Jun 09, 2017 |
|
‘Look me in the eye, Rosser. Did you hab sex with my wife that neet?’
|
Jun 02, 2017 |
|
‘We all make mistakes, Ro. . . Just try not to sleep with the wives of any other gangland killers’
|
May 26, 2017 |
|
‘Look, the recession was a fluke. No one knows why it happened, just that it did’
|
May 19, 2017 |
|
"It’s like if Tarantino directed Wind in the Willows"
|
May 12, 2017 |
|
‘I stop seeing them as criminals, and more as a normal family, like the Kordashians’
|
May 05, 2017 |
|
‘All estate agents know how to make bread. It’s one of the first things they teach you'
|
Apr 28, 2017 |
|
'Your daughter is malevolent, belligerent and discourteous'
|
Apr 21, 2017 |
|
"Ronan, I'm terrified of you being sucked into the world of guns, drugs and non-rugby nicknames"
|
Apr 14, 2017 |
|
‘I push the stick towards him with what resembles a dead rat on the end of it’
|
Apr 07, 2017 |
|
I am so excited thinking about all of the people’s lives we can change with this money!
|
Apr 02, 2017 |
|
Ross will pay it, Shadden. As a matter of fact, Ross will pay for absolutely everything
|
Mar 23, 2017 |
|
I genuinely feel like grabbing that wig right now and focking it in the Liffey
|
Mar 16, 2017 |
|
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: “I’m here to watch Denis O’Brien wipe the floor with you.”
|
Mar 10, 2017 |
|
‘It’s the Celtic Phoenix, Sorcha. People are thankfully being stupid again’
|
Mar 03, 2017 |
|
"The Dublin accent was invented to allow criminals to talk to each other"
|
Feb 24, 2017 |
|
‘If you showed Dermot Bannon around the inside of my head, he’d say the design was minimalist’
|
Feb 17, 2017 |
|
They’ll have to rename it ‘Don’t Tell the Bride I Did the Dirt on Her Again’
|
Feb 10, 2017 |
|
The old man wants to build Trump’s Mexican wall
|
Feb 03, 2017 |
|
‘I actually like Trump. I like the way he pisses people off. I can see a lot of myself in him’
|
Jan 27, 2017 |
|
‘I thought Pythagoras was something the Greeks dipped their bread in'
|
Jan 20, 2017 |
|
"She unbuttons her coat and that’s when I notice that my old dear has had . . . augmentation"
|
Jan 13, 2017 |
|
‘I win Most Ingenious Yet Borderline Illegal Use of the Phrase “Within Commutable Distance” award’
|
Jan 12, 2017 |
|
‘The two of us listen to them roaring at each other’
|
Dec 29, 2016 |
|
‘The turkey shuffles into the room and jumps onto the sofa beside me’
|
Dec 21, 2016 |
|
Going through Honor’s Santa list must be what it’s like to go on Tonight with Vincent Browne
|
Dec 15, 2016 |
|
‘The old man is making a complete orse of himself’
|
Dec 09, 2016 |
|
Have you ever had an episode like this before? You could use his orteries for attic insulation
|
Dec 02, 2016 |
|
‘I wouldn’t be any kind of best man if I didn’t try to persuade you'
|
Nov 25, 2016 |
|
I think it was John F Kennedy who said that politics was the something of something else
|
Nov 17, 2016 |
|
When she was born, the midwife smacked her orse and Sorcha fake-smiled her back
|
Nov 11, 2016 |
|
Don’t be frightened, it’s just latex and make-up – but you can call her Granny
|
Nov 07, 2016 |
|
‘Mount Anville took out a High Court injunction banning me from their debs one year’
|
Oct 21, 2016 |
|
‘You’re a dirty dog. And I can’t tell you how proud that makes me feel’
|
Oct 13, 2016 |
|
Women want more. I say let them have it. I’m just not sure I’m the man to give it to them
|
Oct 07, 2016 |
|
“ It feels like you’re.”“What?” “I’m going to use the phrase ‘pimping me out’.”
|
Sep 30, 2016 |
|
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘No one goes to lectures before Christmas’
|
Sep 23, 2016 |
|
‘Her ex worked as a risk assessor for an insurance company. I call him Love Actuary’
|
Sep 16, 2016 |
|
‘Did you hear that, Shadden? George Clooney is one of Hennessy’s neighbours!’
|
Sep 09, 2016 |
|
‘Honor is pacing in front of the cage, glowering at 200 terrified kids’
|
Sep 02, 2016 |
|
RO'CK Game of Throw-ins Extract 4
|
Aug 29, 2016 |
|
RO'CK Game of Throw-ins Extract 3
|
Aug 29, 2016 |
|
RO'CK Game of Throw-ins Extract 2
|
Aug 29, 2016 |
|
RO'CK Game of Throw-ins Extract 1
|
Aug 29, 2016 |
|
We can hear them chanting through the walls of the dressing room
|
Aug 26, 2016 |
|
‘You’re so transparent. You’re trying to butter me up so I won’t humiliate you too badly’
|
Aug 22, 2016 |
|
‘After 2km, I’m wheezing like a 60-cigarettes-a-day man while Garret isn’t even breathing heavily’
|
Aug 17, 2016 |
|
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘He’s got 12 months of hord training behind him. All I’ve really got is drugs’
|
Aug 05, 2016 |
|
‘That’s a side-effect of taking these pills, by the way – short-term memory, em . . . thingy ’
|
Jul 29, 2016 |
|
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘What’s happening with your face?’ ‘I’m thinking. I’m thinking deeply’
|
Jul 22, 2016 |
|
‘I suddenly feel the kind of shame that only a couple of lunchtime pints can help erase’
|
Jul 16, 2016 |
|
"See that little island down there. Lambay Island. Or – as it will soon be known – Aquatraz"
|
Jul 08, 2016 |
|
“Do you want to be the fedda puking his ring up on the soyud of the road?
|
Jul 01, 2016 |
|
‘I find myself standing on Vico Road, hand on the wall, throwing my breakfast up’
|
Jun 24, 2016 |
|
‘Claire doesn’t have, like, a Wicklow Wicklow accent? she’s very, very nearly South Dublin’
|
Jun 17, 2016 |
|
‘Are any of you familiar with Countdown?’ Of course they are – they were in UCD
|
Jun 10, 2016 |
|
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘You’re like a young Katie Hopkins – except more, I don’t know, evil?’
|
Jun 03, 2016 |
|
JP’s dad won’t be able to show his face in Doheny & Nesbitt’s again
|
May 27, 2016 |
|
‘I can see Honor standing in the wings, giving Miss Pallister the famous one-finger salute’
|
May 20, 2016 |
|
She might have fitted into the dress on our wedding day, but now, well..'
|
May 20, 2016 |
|
‘I put Leinster on the Census form as my religion’
|
May 07, 2016 |
|
‘If at first you don’t succeed, it’s a pretty good indication you’re never going to’
|
Apr 29, 2016 |
|
‘I could tell you the word she used except The Irish Times probably wouldn’t print it’
|
Apr 22, 2016 |
|
‘I can’t wait to see Denis O’Brien wipe the floor with you in the High Court'
|
Apr 15, 2016 |
|
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: doing a hard sell on Inchicore as an estate agent
|
Apr 08, 2016 |
|
Honor is naturally gifted on the piano. She’d want to be – we’ve spent about 12 grand on lessons
|
Apr 01, 2016 |
|
‘The last time JP had his hand on a breast, it came out of a bucket’
|
Mar 25, 2016 |
|
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I haven’t heard the word pronoun since I sat the Junior Cert’
|
Mar 18, 2016 |
|
‘Are you the same guy who first called Mullingar the Gateway to Dublin?’
|
Mar 12, 2016 |
|
‘I make sure to just say it in my mind. Because that’s being a good husband'
|
Mar 04, 2016 |
|
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Chorles wants a prison colony for people who don’t pay their water bills’
|
Feb 27, 2016 |
|
‘The government is planning to come down hord on people not paying their water bills’
|
Feb 19, 2016 |
|
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Keep your friends close. But make sure you have the means to destroy them’
|
Feb 16, 2016 |
|
This is getting ridiculous. It’s like being on a spa weekend with Sorcha
|
Feb 05, 2016 |
|
He smiles with the same smile he uses when choosing his lobster in Cavistons
|
Jan 29, 2016 |
|
These apartments will be so small, there won’t be room for two people to break wind
|
Jan 15, 2016 |
|
These are going to be our Family Date Nights
|
Jan 08, 2016 |
|
Has she been drinking or is she still pissed from last night?
|
Jan 02, 2016 |
|
I just don’t consider it a sport. It’s like watching CCTV footage of a fight
|
Dec 18, 2015 |
|
You look like something Dr Marie Cassidy should be going at with rubber gloves and a bone saw
|
Dec 14, 2015 |
|
I actually love women. If that makes me a feminist, then so be it.
|
Dec 14, 2015 |
|
Christmas is a time of year when, er… you get loads of stuff
|
Nov 27, 2015 |
|
I’m the porty spokesperson on Gender Issues
|
Nov 20, 2015 |
|
Ross, we need to take Pang to the Beacon – right now
|
Nov 13, 2015 |
|
My son’s nickname is Manslaughter.
|
Nov 06, 2015 |
|
Sorcha hasn't touched her chicken
|
Oct 30, 2015 |
|
“Ireland won alright. Which means we’re into the semi-finals of the World Cup!”
|
Oct 23, 2015 |
|
“A lot of children are just born that way – they’re d**kheads.”
|
Oct 16, 2015 |
|
I’m there, “Pang, give me those cigarettes.” She goes, “Get away from me, you racist!”
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Oct 09, 2015 |
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If you can do it on the upper deck of a no 40 bus
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Oct 02, 2015 |
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‘If you bought a gaff in Tenerife, they'd say they bought one in Elevenerife’
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Sep 23, 2015 |
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I should report you – underfloor heating is a human right
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Sep 18, 2015 |
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Seedless in Seattle Extract Five
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Sep 14, 2015 |
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Seedless in Seattle Extract Four
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Sep 14, 2015 |
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Seedless in Seattle Extract Three
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Sep 14, 2015 |
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Seedless in Seattle Extract Two
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Sep 14, 2015 |
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Seedless in Seattle Extract One
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Sep 12, 2015 |
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RO'CK: It's here. A day I thought I'd never see
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Sep 12, 2015 |
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Ross goes to Electric Picnic: “I’m not staying in a focking tent”
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Sep 04, 2015 |
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People are chanting, "Co'ck for Taoiseach!"
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Aug 28, 2015 |
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‘His dog just bit me,’ Honor goes. ‘Get up off your knees. We’re going to the Gords’
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Aug 21, 2015 |
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‘Why don’t you just tell Denis O’Brien’s solicitor that you’ll stop having Denis O’Brien Hair?’
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Aug 14, 2015 |
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‘Whatever you think about two men kicking the humanity out of each other in a cage...'
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Aug 07, 2015 |
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I've got to stop thinking about my old man as an ATM
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Jul 31, 2015 |
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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly - JPs old man
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Jul 24, 2015 |
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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly - You know that smell
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Jul 10, 2015 |
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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly - I've genuinely never seen Sorcha so angry ...
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Jul 03, 2015 |
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Ross O'Carroll Kelly: ‘Why would I want to date you? I’m already married to you.’
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Jun 26, 2015 |
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Ross O'Carroll Kelly (June 20th - 2)
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Jun 22, 2015 |
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Ross O Carroll Kelly (20th June)
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Jun 19, 2015 |
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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly (May 23rd)
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Jun 11, 2015 |
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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly (June 13th)
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Jun 11, 2015 |
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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly (June 6th)
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Jun 11, 2015 |
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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly (May 30th)
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Jun 11, 2015 |